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As Thousands Cheer - Libretto

Musicals, Theater, Drama, American, Theater History, Revue

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1K views31 pages

As Thousands Cheer - Libretto

Musicals, Theater, Drama, American, Theater History, Revue

Uploaded by

nathan_hale_jr
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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AS THOUSANDS CHEER Lyrics and music by IRVING BERLIN Sketches by Moss Haxt SCENES AND MUSICAL NUMBERS Protocue, [an BITES DOG Man ie Dining Room in Park Avenue Seen 2. Editors Otfice Mays Bites Dog scene 5. Columbus Cirle “Man Bites Dag, cont. ‘Tue Revue ‘Act One FRANKLIN D. ROOSBVELT INAUGURATED TOMORROW BARBARA HUTTON TO WED PRINCE PRINCE MDIVANT ‘Haw’ Chances reat WAVE HITS NEW YORK ‘Heat Ware JOAN CRAWFORD TO DIVORCE DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS, TR MAJESTIC SAILS AT MIDNIGHT Delts LONELY HEART COLUMN Lonely Heart WORLD'S WEALTHIEST MAN CELEBRATES 94TH BIRTHDAY THE FUNNIES ‘The Funnies GREEN PASTURES STARTS THIRD ROAD SEASON To Be or Not 0 Be OGRAVURE SECTION: EASTER PARADE ON FIFTH NUE —1883 Easter Parade Act Two METROPOLITAN OPERA OPENS IN OLD TIME SPLENDOR, ‘Metropolitan Opening UNKNOWN NEGRO LYNCHED BY FRENZIED MOB, Supper Time GANDHI GOES ON NEW HUNGER STRIKE REVOLT IN CUBA NOEL COWARD, NOTED PLAYWRIGHT, RETURNS TO ENGLAND SOCIETY WEDDINGS OF THE SEASON OUTSIDE ST. THOMASES Our Wedding Day PRINCE OF WALES RUMORED ENGAGED. JOSEPHINE BAKER STILL THE RAGE OF PARIS Harlem on My Mind BROADWAY GOSSIP COLUMN, ‘Through a Keyhole SUPREME COURT HANDS DOWN IMPORTANT DECISION ‘Not for All the Rice in China (Finale) PROLOGUE MAN BITES DOG NEY ‘the Dining-room of the Andrews Apartment. A well-appointed cin of duplex apartosent in the East 70% Mis the curtains part, LANGLEY, the Andrews? butler, is putting se finishing tocbes tothe diner tbe which is laid for two. There ip lnc, vet center, fing the mutienee, a bnaby’ highchair, in tot uf he table, MR. ANDREWS’ place is at the bead of she table, INS. ANDREWS sts atthe other end, and the bigh-clmir is mighnay cen the bot Lanainy (calli off): Dinner is served. (He stands bck, respect Fully ling the door open.) {GHORGE ANDREWS enters, or mather Lips int the rom. A ini, mther pathetic looking mam of abou 4, be 38 at the ‘nunene rendered stil further pads by the fact that bah bis duos ave bandaged—the left rather heavily, the right band isa finger or 90) Anpkuws: Good evening, Langley. LANGLEY: Good evening, si. KS. ANDREWS (ofstage: Gertrude! Don't make Mother speak to you again, please! Come in to dinner this minute! Ger- ‘rude! There! "That’s Mother's good gia! (QRS, ANDREWS appears in the doorway with GERTRUDE in ber arms. GERTRUDE isa particularly offensive looking Pobingese dog who looks balefuly at vaxcz—then glares resntfully at x. ANDREWS anid utters feracous gro) | Take Gertrude to her char, Langley. She's going to bea good litle gel and eather dinner, Sweet, say hello day. Gertrude loves her Langley, doesnt she? (LANGLEY exits) 103, 104 AS THOUSANDS CHEBR PROLOGUE ros —— eee ROSE tS You know, George, I don't think Gertrude likes Lang a SCENE 2 She’ still missing Wilson. Gertrude realy loved Wilson, fy a pity we lost him. ve tx. ANDREWS: Held bave been bitten to death ifhe stayed sor oF MRS. ANDREWS: Now, George—T will nor have you £0 oq “Man Bites Dog” saying that! Gertrude may have playfully nipped Wilson If ggroxt fev time 85708 ve got a headline—oh what a headline Mx, ANDREWS: The Doctor said Wilson was on the verge of Or he beaten tack hhydrophobia. MkS, ANDREWS: Oh, poof! Hyelrophobia! Ie’ no worse than bad cold, anyway! Not hungry, George? x, ANDREWS: No. Mas. ANDREWS: What's new at the offce? No dessert if you don’ finish your soup! Mother means what she says! Wh did you say, George? x, ANDREWS: Nothing. I didn go to the office today. MRS. ANDREWS: No? Where were You? dk, ANDREWS: I spentall day a the Doctors being cauteri (LANGLEY enters) LANGLEY: Telephone for you, Madame. Mrs. Haskell ks. ANDREWS: O, I want to talk to her—she’s on the Com mittee of Arrangements for the Dog Show. Talking abe Gertrude like tha, Td lke ¢0 see you win a prize at a show. [bet you'd come in third or fourth, Gertrude gets bl ribbons. MR. ANDREWS (ovecth): Hello, Gertrude! Good old Gertrude (Coy) See all these bandages, Gertrude? That's what diclast night, and the night before and ehe night belo that, For scven yeats you've been biting me, Gertrude. There isn't an inch of me that you don't know! (He extends his hand fomand GERIRUDE—then quickly drm it n0ay,) ‘Ah, no! You've hal your lst bite out of me, Gertrude! From rnow on, i's an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and a bite fora bite! Mus, ANDREWS: George! ‘dog bita man and the man bit the dog right back ortor (ins phone): FOTO ou can print what Roosevelt said On the front page for a great big spread But P've gota headline —oh what a headline OT ehe beaten track ‘dog bita man and che man bit the dog right back sorron Gin plone): Hold te wire is hard to hear “Tete is someone seresming,in my ear Whar the bell is the matter with you “And why the big enthuse? “Aman was bitten by a dog oro kao, bu thats noe news Tor th man bit he dog ight back © What's that you say? Gott time for gags today Bat this sno gag—its on the square, [just this minute came back fom there toro ‘You just this minute came back from where? “-Rbrontex: From the swell Park Avenue Shack ‘Where adog bita man and the man bit the dog right back BLACK OUT. 106 AS THOUSANDS CHEER DITOR (in phone): ‘Never mind that Roosevele speech Tvea headline now that isa peach, Ie’s a most important story Thatll set the town agog Kill the Roosevelt spread Print this instead MAN~BITES—DOG SCENE 3 Columbus Cirle Newswors (inthe dark): Extra! Extra! Man bites dog Extra! Extra! Man bites dog Extral Extra! Man bites dog Entra! Extra! Man bites dog (The scene is revealed) ‘Man bites dog Extra! Extra! Man bites dog! Extra! Extral Man bites dog Exeral Extra! Man bites dog! Extra! Extral Here’ a headline off the beaten track MAN-BITES~DOG! ‘Adog bita man and the man bie the dog right back, Exceal Extral Extra Extal MAN BITES DOG Extral Extra! Extra! Extral Man bites dog. Extea! Extra! Extra! Extral BOYS AND GIRLS WITH NEWSPAPERS (before curtain): Atlast—at last Something new in the news, at last Something else in the news Besides that the Drys will lose Besides that we'll son have booze, PROLOGUE. 107 Fess that well all be a bunch of stews Kites se ‘Something cle in the news at ast. ‘Aman bie a dog-—and that’s news, ‘Arthue Brisbane in his cohimn says ‘That this wil lif the Fog For years he has been waiting for ‘Aman vo bitea dog He sys tis proves we're cavemen OF the pre-historic sore ‘And proving that, Mr. Brisbane says toon sell America shore” Atlast—at last ‘Aman bit adog at last, ‘And iscems to Heywood Broun “That the word is out of tune, “That i ehings don’ happen soon ‘Well all be biting dogs next June. ‘A man bit a dog—and that’s news. ‘Mr. Walter Lippman tells us he was told “That the tooth that bit the dog was filled with gokd Anal while politicians roll each other's logs “The nation’s gold is going to the dogs. Aclast—at ast ‘Aman bit a dog at last, ‘And Mr. Hearst has a chance To kick the French in the pants He says the man who bit the dog Was a native of France, And Winchel?’ all agog, He interviewed the dog. ‘And he says thatthe pretty “pom” Was soon to become a “mom” Twas a dog you love to be with ‘The kind you see with—the Rich Nota great big manly he-dog, A little she-dog—a bitch—which Gives usa headline off the beaten track Abitch bit a man and the man bit the bitch right back. ONE 109 ns Allight. Tesi. Better take your fit salts while Herb, You know what a Jong wai ide THE REV — me dos ons All ight eine Me Het (a ra Tank a Me What’ that? What® that piece of wire? Me OOVER: That’ the aerial be: _jcrial, Now Lou, you go put that bacl — te roovens: Put it back, [nearly broke my neck taking it en Thank you, Frank eee far noting, Herbie. oe Then ke ee permit of Cone Washington.) ACT ONE, FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT INAUGURATED TOMORROW Scone: The enveains pare ro dla te fous “One Room” og White Hone, which Mi and Mrs. Hoover se as sitting rap ‘hes bedroom, Vira the loge windew at the bak cv be sen fo tall obit ofthe Washinton Monument and a itee tthe ride _mlingse ofthe Senate Baudings, Tei late in the evening of Mare 9x3 and the last night A, ‘Mrs, Flover wil eal the White House “bon.” Tre are visible of her lemv-tntng tomorrow. ‘po le open trunks stad dives center and a under of women erates aud cartons lp give wom the aomistakable amaspher of a bouse abot to sc tel its presen occupants. On one of the lye woaden erates dovrstage stein lage black eters: sun noo FR: Now Lou, you go right down and put tha back, TO HERBERT HOOVER Fioreart ake tha. TR very valuable, les Government prop PALO ALTO fav You want to be stopped atthe train? CALIFORNIA site ooven: Herbie, they li never mist, This house is lousy The stage is deserted fora few seconds after she curtain ries then Irar sox. HOOVER vice offstage: ‘wth pictures of George Washington. jun. st00vER: I don't care. You go put that back. Why those Desnocrats ar Hable to pick on a thing like that and cause a ‘whole Senate investigation. suxs, woOVER: All righ, PI putt back. We'll just go back ro Palo Alto with nothing tall to show for your having been President ofthe United Seates. ‘Mx, HOOVER: Nobody else in the country has got anything to show fori either. duxs, Hoover: Thae' right, Wise-cracking is going to help us alo. 14a, HOovER: Now Lou, things might have been a lot worse. Suppose Pl been re-elected. 1uxs, Hoover: You know what Palo Akko is. Ie's going to be ‘ery nie, is it, for me to goto bridge parties and luncheons MR, HOOVER (offstage): Lou! Oh Lou! Where do you wast this, Low MRS. HOOVER (enter): Bring it in here, Herbie MR. HOOVER (enters with pedestal): What do you want to lig that thing along for, Lou? Ie'l cost more than its worth to ship it t0 California, ns. HOOVER: Never mind! I'm aot going to leave anything for those Roosevelt, T can tell you that. Did you bring that clectrie toaster up from the kitchen, Herbie? MR. HOOVER: No! RS. HOOVER: Well, go down and get it. I like to see myself leaving em a perfectly good electric toaster. Like fun, 108 no AS THOUSANDS and have all my old git friends saying “Herbie gee an to do yet, Lou? Well, don't worry, Somethiag ta sooner or lager.” Tcan just heae em. Mx, HOVER: Pe still gor my Civil Engineers License, ¢ forget thar. ° ‘cs ats. HOOVER: Oh, sure! Now you remember it, ater f away a whole four years Lhate to say I told you 80, Hey bout you cart say I didnt warn you Mr, HOovE: But it seemed like stich a good idea atthe time, being President. 7 MRS. HoovEK: Not to me it didn't, We were doing so wey too, Everything was going along beautifully for us. They you ad to go and become Present. Herbie, there sreah \ lin bie in you chat makes you do the most simple-minded things sometimes. Had t0 become President, Couldn't lee w enough alone. Mx, HOOVER: Well all I can say is, when as smart a man ‘Ogden Mills comes to you and says that— s ais. 1loovER: Ogden Mills! Don't talk to me about Ogden Mills! If Ogden Mills was so smart he'd have a job nov, instead of sitting around writing letters to the Times ang signing himself “Friend of the American Indian.” MR. HOOVER: Well he is, MRS. HoovER: When you came home that night and told me the Republican Party wanted you, Ttold you what to telly, didn’ 2 Mn. HOOVER: Oh Lou, I couldn’ tell em that MRS. HOOVER: And ll those other Palo Alto boys have done s9 well for themselves—every one of them, They were all crazy about me too. You know the chances Thad, Why even Eddie Harris—I laughed at him when he proposed—he owns the largest knit-goods fictory in Southern California now. MR. HOOVER: He wouldn't have made any better President than I did, MRS. HOOVER: I didn’t say he would, AU say is, here we are going back to Palo Alto afterall these years and what have we got t0 show for it? A medicine ball, a couple of dozen silver spoons. Yes I took the spoons and Td like to sce the Army and the Navy make me put’em back. A couple of dozen silvet mS ooVER: No. su Bove: That reminds me, (At phone.) sua noowR: What are you going to do? jun in the lake, T may eall up Andrew Mellon and Hen sine of em. If you were half a man you'd call up Mellon Cae eee ee ebay Gill bine TpSicgh sbaet 3. 00%! vin noovn: Oh Low, I coulda doc pags. HOOVER: What have you got to los ou're never coming tack here. x, HOOVER: For two cents TM do it. hans. HOOVER: Tdare you, [doubly dare you. uk. HOOVER: L will. (At phone) Get me Mr. Mellon. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. is, HOOVER: Give it to him good. it. HOOVER: Hello, [wancto talk to Me, Andrew Mellon, Mr Hloower calling. Hoover, Hoover! Has in Harry--O-as in Obae—yes Hoover: suits. HOOVER: By the time we get to the coast well be lucky if the servants and the dogs know us. x, wooveR: Hello Andy? This is Herbie? Greatest Secretary of the Treasury since Alexander Hamilton, ch? Well how would you like to meet me in Macy's Window: xs. HOOVER {into phone): And bring Ogden Mills along. MR. HOOVER: Ambassador to the court of St. James, eh? You know what you looked like in those knce-breeches? Like an ‘kel ostrich! Mas. HOOVER (into phen): Yah—you old ostrich! ue AS THOUSANDS CHEER MR. HOOVER: Go back to Pittsburgh and wipe the soup your moustache! (Hangs up) as. HoovER: Doesn't that make you feel good? Mx. Hoovex: Likea new man, What time do they disconng tine telephone, Lou? MRS, HOOVER: In about half an hour. MR, HOOVER: We gotta work fast. Who's nest? MRS. HOOVER: Henry Stimson, Mu. HOOVER: Well both cal him, MRS, HOOVER: All right. Pve got afew words I want to say his wife, (At phone.) ‘Getme Henry Stimson please. Herbie— (WWhiperst0 Hoven Mr, Hoover: Youre an angel, Lou. MRS. HOOVER: Hello, Henry? This is Mr, and Mrs. Herber, Hoover. Is Mrs. Stimson there? No, don't you g0 away. Pi Mrs. Stimson on the extension, We want to talk to both you, Are you on, Mrs, Stimson? Just a moment. Are there, Henry? Thats fine. (To noovER.) One, two, thee (Bronx cheer) (Busines) MR, HOOVER (singing) Tony's wife, the boys are all wild about you, ‘Tony's wife bans. HOOVER (singing) Fitas a fiddle and ready for love, (Both taxing medicine bail) MRS. HOOVER: Herbie! MR. HOOVER: Yes, Lou. Rs. HOOVER: The Roosevelts? (They oth dash forthe phone.) BARBARA HUTTON TO WED PRINCE MDIVANI “How’s Chances” BARBARA HUTTON: ‘The nickels and dimes I got Have bought me an awful lot ACT ONE ny —~p great big box Of bods and stocks ‘nbundred frocks, ‘Rearand yacht, ‘Bar having so much, anki more Is getting to be abore, es not much Fan When day is done Without someone {folove and adore fp IACKEY, PRINCH HOHENSTEIN, PRINCE DONATELLI, ‘TH INCH AUSTERLIEBE, PRINCE DELUNBVILLE: (Chm) (ows chances Say, how are the chances Of making you love me ‘The way Tlove yous 14 give up the things P'm possessing ‘To be caressing Someone like you How's chances For one of those glances, ‘A glimpse of the heaven Tin longing to see How's chances “To-end all your romances And stare faking your chanees with me. PRINCE MDIVANE My tailors the best, but he Isdearasa man canbe, My shoes and spats, My opera hats ‘And my eravats ‘Are made just for me, “like an expensive cat ‘And when at my favorite bar, think i’ fine Toonler wine, [And when I dine, Tove caviar ut AS THOUSANDS CHEER (Chorus) How's chances Say, how are the chances (Of making you love me ‘The way Tove you. My castle will need some restoring Ceiling and flooring, Fumiture, too How’s chances For one of those glances, A glimpse of the heaven Tm longing to see How’ chances To end all your romances And start taking your chances with me. HEAT WAVE HITS NEW YORK “Heat Wave” Sung by Ethel Waters ern) A Heat Wave—blew right into town last week, She came fromthe Islnd of Martinique, ‘The Can-Can—the dances will make you fey, ‘The Can-Can~is really the reason why: (Chorus) ‘We're having a Heat Wave— A tropical Heat Wave— ‘The temp'rature’s rising — Ic isn'e surprising, She certainly can—Can-Can, She started the Hreat Wave By letting her seat wave, ‘And in such a way that The customers say that She certainly can~Can-Can, Acr OnE . ~~ Gect heramatommy Made the mercury Jump to ninety-three—yes si! Were having a Heat Wave— IReropical Heat Wave, “The way that she moves that “Thermometer proves that She certainly can—Can-Can, Pt othe weather man will fellyou a exords been made qesohoee acon oftan wil {dsm bore oles adn tGe juntas warm asa bee, ISvto x acheke aa eect fed! JOAN CRAWFORD TO DIVORCE DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS, JR. ‘Tbe curtains part to disclose a divan set in front of a Japanese Seated on the dian are WL. HAYS conte, and JOAN CRAW- ron and DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS £0 the right and left of hin. Atcach ent of the diva facing its three occupants sits a REPORTER, schoo in bao, pencils poised. Joan: May Igo on, Mr. Hays? ays: Please do, my dear. (She takes deep breath, lets her band flutter toe heart, and speas.) JOAN (intensely: With the approval of Me, Hays, gentlemen, 1 + want you © be sure to say that this divorce can never change _ our spiritual relationship. Douglas will always remain to me | the lover eternal—the finest man T have ever known. I sball "always keep and treasure his watercolors. (Her hand reaches ut ana rests lightly and tenderly om a sculpted lead of erslf us AS THOUSAN! povenas: Huh? "avs: Buin every bit of publcty— everything wil by equally. Both of you must promise not to take peri and every picture used in connection withthe dina have just you ewe in it. No one will get any publici two-TIl sce that nobly else hors in MY by DouGias: That's very fai, Me Hays. IST REPORTER: Could we get picture now, Mr. Hays? avs: How about it, children? JOAN and DOUGLAS! Certainly! Sure! DOUGLAS: Shoot up to the smile, boys. HAYS: Allright, Wee ready. DOUGLAS: Pardon me, Do you mind? Say what do you want, Something domestic or passionate. 180 REPORTER: Make it passionate. DovGLAS: Passionate? Come on ays: That’ right, keep it clean, No sex in it. ist REPORTER: Ready please, Hold it now. Hays: Thats right—just you two! (Busines of turning toward ermeras) ‘The NEW REPORTERS rah in.) REPORTERS (i grent excitement): Miss Crawford—M ¥ banks! A statement, please! A statement! 2ND REPORTER (penking simultaneously): “The Intern News would like a statement from both of you! JOAN and DOUGLAS: Why, surc! OF course! Glad to! (Chey sit yp, assume characteristic poses, and bean to» Siutancously, the beginnings oftheir sttcments to the aie porters) Doutas: Tan yo tobe sre 0 sy that his oe des snot mean the end for us. Ie means a new beginning, Joan's the finest woman I have Joan: [wane you to be sure to say that this divorce ean never change our spiritual relationship. Douglas will always eemait to me the lover eternal 1st REPORTER: No, no! Not that! 2ND REPORTER (brenking in): We don't care about that! We wast a statement about the Mary Pickford—Douglas Fairbaals separation! JOAN and DOUGLAS: Whacwha-what! Yeah Sure! ; OT hope there's ose n't (egret ha ad My Gort yt lnckowd planer ath tron i oan) ne ne Tee! Maty Pick, Douglas Fie fe ig! Lets (Th a, kp eet rer es oR te tig cin Joa "har about ts—our pictures? ss whl Sor i cameron De) a o hey won't talk, let's get a starement from. axmeeronit: they won' tak, lets eo ny tr of Coosa alone ne enn: Po thd ofr ul Thay yur eae aterm! they neve ate Hel Toe Thee dng this just kill my pli! arty Heer elothis me! Een i he my these pert do this to me! Horning in on my publicity. Why, the— aes oe Doua! ouct.as Well, his! He is! Jumping on the bandwagon now ‘rerun way Pee worked on te ’ yoaneT know what Ml do-TIl havea baby, hae wha do Mie a baby! ove as It lp you! Thats wha wel do—PIt havea baby » Phen) smily! Your family! MAJESTIC SAILS AT MIDNIGHT “Debts” NIATIVES OF ENGLAND, ITALY, GERMANY, AND England aly ant Germany and Fanee Weeame hereto discus the dees, Aral were leaving with no reget For England and Tay an Germany andl Fancy We have more than reached our aim. : Aral ee mighty glad we eae (horns We've had a lovely conference Withohe USA Well pay our debe in her and Welt bead copy Ina month ort we think Weea pay eur debts in zine And thenextyearyel Paying olf what tn a Ohh we love America or she never mak a fis, ‘That why we one America And America lows us Wellton countrige what we did Ana shee bound to 57 “ifyen think we cl Pay then oft in wud Gaback toe USA” (Sraru or Lumen spe petal nd sings) Eglo sa aly and Gemany and France Herc some ne hat you ought to kno, Ofte Gol Standart we must go Like England and Inly and Ger Weare omg co mate Ana were very lad to state (Chor) Tet the pound goo thefrancgoup. ‘The mark go up aswell Une Sm wil be in Heaven Whe the dollar gosto hell Forde toks goup ‘The bonds ou ny and France, ACT ONE 1a 1 no one wants 10 sell Cie Sn ln een fen the dollar goes to el. Wr cso fs wo het [peross the ocean ble fr we can grect our neighbors witha hey ponny nonny and a nuts to you ee them eall us this ‘And callus that pu while they seream and ye Unele Su willbe in Heaven When the dollar woes to hell (Whe se fives the sg she goes into “The Star Spangled Ronee” crus as the fir representatives sng their chorus ‘aginst it) LONELY HEART COLUMN jonely Heart” ‘Sung by Harry Stockwell Miss Lonely Heart—what will | do? Tam a Lonely Heart—writing to you Hoping thar through your column you will drop mea line Saying you know a Lonely Heart as lonely as mine. Miss Lonely Heart—hear my appeal You seem t0 know the way—lonely hearts fee, ‘That's why Pim writing and Pm asking for a reply, ‘That's why Tim hoping you know someone lonely as I. Tm so bine returning to my lonely room, Every night, for nothing's quite as lonely as a lonely ‘Miss Lonely Heart—T'm by myself, Watching the clock that stands—upon the shelf, ‘Hoping to hear the news that you know somebody who Watches a clock, and whispers “I'm a Lonely Heart, ay AS THOUSAND! WORLD’S WEALTHIEST MAN, CELEBRATES NINETY-FOURTR BIRTHDAY Drawing Rowe of the Rar fant Pox Tork: Ont pal wal, sme non, ond eaten A uonvureinpnesvely gg tage orn ns. noCKHFELLIR: Now children, you beter go iy dining room until were ready for you, Your fither ants a something to talk over with Gran, (ie cnn mur Ye, Mao ao fhe bee dn dors tthe back, eer) You sire yout ow what to do? When you hear Your Fg shout "Sirprise” you all come in with the eae sing “Hippy Birthday deas Grandpa, happy bictay to you (Another "Tes Mater") rowton: Not unt you hear me shout “Surprise” rons Ye, Far, we understand (EP) NURS. ROCKEFELLER ad)“ Happy Bist) 20 you.” Rrowren (oft) May we have jst one more pit, Roche Tm you fice a ttle more 0 the het hg yoit very auch MS, JOHN D, Now, John, you've go 1 tll him, a0 night as well makeup your mind and gett ove with, JUNIOR: Tknow my dear—bur iris gogo beens ons, jou bj: Well, eso se cryng mow. T dent kay what yon wane ob! ha thing in the fis ple fr nron ofnge): Thank you, Me Rockefeller Tha jon very much sottnb. ent): Tha, gentlemen ismy recipe ora hearty oka. ‘Ansronren: Mr Rockefeller, have yous bethday messes can give to the public? Some me prea thing youre lest from ee yoHN b. Well sie 9s years old ray, ana man lars bythe time he reaches that age (The weronrens laugh appvcaive) [hin the one grea ching ve learned in my ie, gerne isto hold on to our money ACT ONE. te nEPORTERS Write busily) qe ioe yenpeand chet Cro gh or of depresions in my time andthe only eet er (Hh Sith and no folie. hat aus: Thank you, Mr: Roceféler sa 2H sta mini, boys, Heres it something fo aN perf inybietaay wih, (Fe planes snd int fae cleat sch eprter) rs Wily, Mr, Rockefeller these are nickel! ane iach apetty tough yer fr al fs rom cero exis) arrears they took sme vty nice pioures of me Very res nded. re fn Des m0 glad, You lays take a good peur, ae or sheen ayy ic biday asi? Ris, yontn b.1R Lovely, And ic isn't over either, The day's Noung yet. 1 alvays say you never ean tell what a birthday has instore for you until the very end. youn: Yes T always like birthdays. Junior! Don’t you think that was a good birthday message I gave theme Sic tight and hoki on to your money? union: Yes. Yes, indeed, Journ b Pretty nice thing to be able to say on your osth bieth dy the family fortune is sill intact, eh, Junior? *Tisnt every: buy that ean say so. junro1: Yes. Yes, indeed, Jon D.: And the only way to do it is to put your money in the ‘ground, Oil! Tnever held to any of these real estate specula- ‘ons even when land was cheap. No sir! RS. JOHN D. J. O, now I don't know, Father—some real estate is good. J08N D.: None of i's any good. None of it. You take my advice. You ler the other fellows put up the buildings— (Chere isa slight pause during which 1x5. JOUN D. JR ‘motions frantically 9 ber husband and whispers buskily: “Go ‘on! Till ima! Go on!” J01N D. (cazching the last of one of be finntic gestures, and inter- _preting itn bisown way): Nal Na! Na! Ah! Now children—you rather FOHEN 3: Go ahe: (A pause.) JOHN D.: 6500 seats! Well? JUNTOR: Well, about two years ago it was ining, [was sig ‘ny office, Sometimes I think fit hadn't been raining e whole thing, © happened, | leave wher my secretary said Roxy Wane? ane! tellhim the whole thing. rontn be Wha that? JUNIOR: Wel, it—well, he’ rather hard to explain, Father, Sin. JOHN Dyas Hes x man who goes around building theatres for people. "eb JOHN b.: Ought to be pat away, a man Tike that MRS. JOHN De 1R: OL he ant dangerons, Once he ses the cement being mised eas gentle as a cil i oxo: Anya, he came in ancl said woulda’ itbe won iNew York City had the largest theatee in the work. 1 “es, iteertainly would”™—ank he went away. ast Tike that hhappened. I didn’ ehink mach about i¢ atthe tien even mentioned itac home that night, dil Rs. 1O11N D. JR: First thing J knew about Radio City sal when John kepr coming home with mid on is shoes, uNtOR: Well, Father he next thing F knew there Twas san inggin a bigexcavation on soth Stet and Sixth Avenue. Af that che only ching let zo do was to pain the elevated tating aexinunn, MRS. JOHN D. Me: He ever tried to turn i over 1 the Gove mene fora War Memorial, bu they never even answered fi leter JONIOK: That was when I yor the idea of giving it to you asa birthday presen, Father (ite stone) (The OLD AN is tryin to pon ut sens tobe bing se Ainley in aking sods isu. Wen be dos spn bis oie is presy serif) sou b.: Bur the buildings—leting the buikdings go up—you imust have known abou that, didn't you? JoNon: Wel yes, Father, Fi JOHN b.: Oh you did, you did well, Why didn you cell me about this months ago~months ago! i ACT ONE 7 se, Father—a (Goarfiy): L wanted it ro be a su x10 aes wore “suprise,” the sone Hoors at the bck ave fly ee tee Ca They cone blithely ite the noon singing.) Ta aioe SO ran, fy nan (cn ge a pantoe wet currain THE FUNNIES “The Funnies” Sung by Mavilyn Miller and Ensemble Sunday is Sunday to my family Bur Sunday is nor simply Sunday ro me, For Sunday’s the one day when I love t0 see he Funnies. Breakfast is nothing of which you can boast, Bur breakfast to me isnt coffee and toast, Tes coflee and toast and what [ove the most-— The Funnies. (Chor) ‘Oh—Llove the Funnies Teouldn’t go—withour the Funnies Acup 0’ eolize to my lips Andi between the sips The papers with the capers that are in the comic strips, Which means Pm simply mad about, mean I couldn't do without —the Funnies. Ob=in any pajamas, 138 AS THOUSAND Hove to read the Katzenjammers Alittle coffee in a cup. ‘And “Bringing Father Up.” Tin dippy over *Skippy® and his cle yller pup Which means F'm simply mad abour Eman I couldn't do without—the Funnies, Pax not concerned with the news of the The stories of who murdered who, And as for what Mr. Hearst has to say, Thave no need of—I don't want to read of The Dempseys or the Tianneys, ‘The wealthy daughters or the sonnies, ‘The news about the lovely trips ‘That people take in ships, rather read abou the peoplein the comic strips, Which means f'n simply mad about [mean I couldn't do without The Funnies, GREEN PASTURES STARTS | THIRD ROAD SEASON Atrise: WOMAN at ironing board. MAN, bok ns band — pacing reading Hamlet aloud, MAN: To be or not to be; that is the question; whether it nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of ours, _ge0us fortune, oF to arms against @ sea of troubles and hy Opposing end them, to die—to sleep, no more, wouaN: What the hell do you think youre doing? Maw: Woman shut up! You is breaking my mood! WOMAN: Lucky [ain't broke your head MAN: Ah fair Ophelia—nymph in they orizons be all my sits ‘why wouldst thou bet Il. Believe none oh remembered. Get thee to a nunnery breeder of sinners? We are arrant k us. Get thee to a nunnery, Wwos.an: I'm getting mighty fed up with all this Shakespear | stuf ACT ONE 129 Flow you expect me to caputure the esence ofthis ifyou a ll the time. What's ehe matter An ioterfering, with me a sep vith you? “To Be or Not to Be” Sung by Ethel Warers a Mien Actor, och wou spe that one fine in Green Pastures ‘Thure aint no holding you: eet eihot tuner A Ihe gestion ft be or not to be eatin Hane, Mlk hee what ve go toy cw The ornot be Thurs har youve got be, fteormcto be Ry ma That what youve got do Ihesryon speskingot Opies Inn i tyowhoutdast grme, ‘Chine i you think genet a munnery—you'e Ics Fin nor tae kin So jase ake up sour mand Tobeornoctateny mes (on! Chora) Mo eo nor be Thats what youve got tobe Tobeor me beay mare Todo or nr todo, That whar youre goto do Tran todo he tags yo ean Be AS THOUSANDS CHEER T know John Barrymore played Hamlet Ina way it should be played But you're no Barrymore, Let’ calla spade a spade-remember or years we've been apart Take off your tie and start To be or not to be my man. ROTOGRAVURE SECTION: EASTER PARADE ON FIFTH AVENUE -— 1883 “Easter Parade” Sung by Marilyn Miller and Clifton Webb (Vers) wenn: ‘Never saw you look Quite so pretty before — Never saw you dressed Quite so lovely—what’s more, ould hardly wait “To keep our date This lovely Easter morning, And my heart beat fast ‘As Tcame through the door—for (Chorus) In your Easter bonnet With all the fells upon ie You'll be the grandest lady in the Easter Parade, Tilbeallin dover ‘And wien they look you over Pilbe the prouctest fellow in the Easter Parade. On the Avenue—Fifth Avenue ‘The Photographers—will snap us And youl ind that you're In the rorogravure. ACT ONE Br oh T cowl write a sonnet haut your Easter bonnet ea the gil Pim taking co the Easter Parad (Gare) a Nyc Baer aa Tit be all in clover: And when they look you over ‘Mle the proudest fellow in the Baster Parade NIHNS se Avene Filth Avene The photographers will snap us WEP al youll find that you're Inthe rorogeavure Gh Looulel rite a sonnet ‘bout your Easter bonnet ‘nd ofthe gil Ln aking tothe Faster Parade CURTAIN, END OF ACT ONE. ACT TWO METROPOLITAN OPERA OPEN, IN OLD TIME SPLENDOR “Metropolitan Opening” Who arewe And what are we doing here? Wait and see . Were the new millionaires Who wills inthe chais That were once occupied By che ol millions, Where are they? “The people who had the cash They sn pay They lst all nthe Crash, Thee ables an thei Fes Have all been putin pawn So we bought up chet bones For the opeta must goon! And instead oF Menon, an he others who hive “Theres Me, Rubin ACaan— The man which A tandwich--made famous, And thee is Me. Klein You'vescenthesign On Union Su The women’s wear He sells made hin a millionaire Andi Frse Night Patron of the Oper 2 act Two 133 as bought by William Fox, ‘Bellow named Nat Lewis ho deals in ties andl socks will occupy the chair J} Vanderbilt sat upon Hell be there ‘To help them all carry on. hose gentlemen who force you ‘To buy their Seotch and Rye Arc in the diamond horse-shoe, Woukd you like to know just why? Inseems a large delegation Couldn’c get a donation And hope Was gone An! so the racket Sail we will back it ‘They came across because the opera must go on, announcer: Well, well, here we are on the air again, folks, yoadeasting from Box 19 in the famous Diamond Hlorseshoe fore Metropolitan Opera House in New York City. Yessir— t'.a great sight in here. In case any of you unseen listeners ure uing in on this program for the first time tonight, I ‘vant ro tell you that every night at this hour we bring beauty into millions of American homes by broadcasting opera, As jut Kanes the Metropolitan Opera Company last year was Only enabled to complete its season by broadcasting once a sweck but this year, in order to open at al, it was necessary forthe rao to take over che Metropolitan, This we were able todo though the courtesy of ou various sponsors, and each ight operas brought to you by a representative product thesponsorsone idea being to bring beauty into yor home. Tonights opers is Rigaeti the sponsor, Muellers Miracle Mustard Sauce for Stakand singe that ever popular radio aetraction, the Williams Family is also on at this time, we bring you them, oo, as part of the program. We have also the honor of having with ws conight, Mons. Peppton the world famous Parisian chet—the aicoerer of Mueller's Miracle Mastard Sauce. So gather round the radi, folks. Pur down Youu sewing, Mother. Lean back in your easy chair, Father 34 AS THOUSANDS CHEER ‘Mueller’s Miracle Mustard Sauce brings you simula, Rigoletto—the Williams Family—and Mons. Peppitont MONSIBUR PERPITON: My dear father was a famous Pag chef. 1 to0 also am a famous Parisian chef. Eor many Try to make ze perfect sauce for steak—but always, never, never, ze perfect sauce do I achieve! Night and work every sauice I try—sinty steaks I spoil—But day, AHA! have ze perfect since for all ze whole tee Ieiszesaue Yor tak that milion of Amero wives will choose. MorHtsR WILLIAMS: Darling please com steak is getting co. nut: NoI don’ want any—I'm sick of eating steak! MOTHER WILLIAMS: Ruthie, come right in this minute, have your father bring you. “ ur Hite: O—T want some chicken—T'm so sick of steak! FATHER WIILIAMS: Ruthie! —do as mother says! uri: P'm sick of steak! MONSIEUR rEPPTON: Ah! What do we find here, my fi Ieis ze typical American family about to go in for 2e ven meal, Ze little girl she cries she does not want to eat ‘Why? Because itis tasteless —Always ze same! Steak! Steak! But fiz lady—the mother—if'iz. lady used! Mul Miracle Mustard Sanee—it would be different! ANNOUNCER: Radio friends —ehis litle drama you are listen to might be any household in America—Once every the American family eas steak, and when they do thes old family spat occurs. Mother bursts into tears, Fathers grumpy~Danghter is sent to bed—anel the steak is throm Our. But Mes. Williams, the mother you've been listening isawise woman, Unknown to Father or Daughter she is sev ing the steak tonight with Mueller's Miracle Mustard Sauce Ah! There they go into the dining room! There they go. Momma! Momma! Momma! MOTHER WILLIAMS: Surprise! Surprise! PATHIER WILLIAMS! This steak is grea! This steak is great! normie: ‘Momma, it’s great! Momma, its great! into dinner, alley nn WIE ors goxstFUR PEPPITON: Act Two, 1s JAMS: Suprise! Surprise! x WILAMS! “PATHE is steak is great! This steak is great! ie WILLIAMS! ‘Surprise! Surprise! Ht , eis steak is great! ‘she used Mueller’s Miracle Mustard Sauce for Steak. ‘The original Mueller’: Mustard Sauce for Steaks. ‘The one and only Mueller’s Mustard Sauce for jouncen: Latics and gentlemen, You have been istening “Madan Bisterfiy, through the courtesy of A.G. Spaulding, aarccurets of Spaulding’ famous Athleie Supporter nl UNKNOWN NEGRO LYNCHED BY FRENZIED MOB “Supper Time” Sung by Ethel Wacers Supper Time— Tsu sete able i Supper Te Sono Tae able ‘Cae hac man oi Spoor Time Kewl oon be yl? Fr ther Super Time, How tT keep fom li That tht man of mean comin home no moe. Howl keep explain When they ask me where Howl [beep frm cryin e—ain’t comin’ home no more. 136 AS THOUSANDS CHEER act two 87 Zax them and sake your head No, Yowre ona hunger Fp del tale ihe wed sc ger yl, see? That’ what we wan. rls ave, sides es se) AN Hoe some mor. That! Now you smile, Mr, Now 39 rent bt Hungry smile. Fine! Thacs the sea. anda Bora ew words, Me, Gandhi? These acwecels Now lhe world milion of people will sce this~how pal ot sa othe people of the wn (He plas on ay of Cand and geste for lin tsa) rite microns) Paopleof North America, People ca mete, People of Asta, People of Asia, People ip ame et Rolo sit bello! sist Oka Thaok you, ft. Gani, Low ofa. ear es make Thank you boys. Now Tet get a ptr ‘ee ery of Tain eating (yest) vite Mahatin, there ay ouside to ee you. BBhone Who it anys Aime Seinple MePaenon. aris Bless yes, Bother! Bless you, Sister! Bes this restau ma! Bessa Ini! Halleujah! (arn) A there you a, Mirani! Just eall me Sister Aimee! cant The Four Sguare Gospel Lady? Sib Yes, sit The Four Square Gospel—prase be to Glory! ant: Wel, whaddye know! fuze: Waiter_the regular dollar and a quarter dinner—with ill! (Siting) Now, you go right on starving, Brother Gandhi~it wou interfere with my appetite abit anor Ths restauranthas the bes food in Tndia--that’ why Tstave hee. fy: Bs ou, ete (Cling) Shea legon dine, When I bring their supper on? How can [remind them “To pray a their humble board— How can Ibe thankful ‘When they starr to chank the Lont—God! Supper Time— should set the table “Cause it's Supper Time— Somehow I ain't able *Cause that man o' mine—ain't comin’ home no No more—no more! nee GANDHI GOES ON NEW HUNGER STRIKE ‘The curtains part to disclose a restaurant in India Seated ata table downstage right is GAND#1, clad only ina loo, busiy spinning. Setup in front of him isa movie camera a “Universal Newssvel” lettered acras it and the sound apparntus. Ti staneramans and his assistant are busily arranging to take the sstox: [cane gti. CAMERAMAN: Come on fllows give us a break, will you Si aside, youl get a chance to sce i, sep aside. (Pasher to one side,) Oly Mr, Gandhi, Please. That's fine Mr, Gandhi Now you just hold that a minute, Ready Nick? sick: OK Castsitantax:: No wait gor it. (Crsing bein camera tb) Hey do you fellows want to be in the picture with Me Ganahie cnown Yes. Ccastsinancaxe: Well come on over here. Take your placs a stand around Mr. Gandhi and keep eating. Mr. Gandhi sot anew kind of hunger strike in a public eseaurant. He’ gong to torture himself while he starves. O.K. camera. (Crasser and nels donnstage of cumarn) Nowe, Me Gandhi~you look (The fot comes on —ad li from arsaxt.) Native (entering): Mahatma—there are two untouchables side, ‘CaSpHL: ‘Tell them to get in touch with me next week. ise: Of course, thete’s one thing I don't understand about bis country. Untouchables. If they’ee—well, if they'te Uotouchable—how can they possibly have children? 18 GANpitE: Sister Aimee—the population of nia iy thy red millon they must have worked ic out some (The Nxvive onters again) arty: Passive Resistance report, Mahatma! There » hhundred people down the stecet lying infront of Whar ae your onder? ‘ wal Sanit Tel them to si tight. The British won't cae ryq them. (Screams of stage.) My mistake, Brother Gandhi—do you know why Pim io Indigg Don’ rell me you've been kidnapped again! fo carey on the goorl work, Brother. To carry good work! Ang! ase night there wast an empty sear House. Praise be to glory. Ganbitt: Is that good? 1 rates: Good! Why, we did seven hundred dollats more that picture She Done Hin Wrong across the street! ‘GANDHI: Say... do you know Mae West? ~atntee: Brother that way madness lies! ‘anpitt: O, I wouldir® go too far—d just ike to take hr

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