Grimoire Discordia

Also known as
The Magic Book of Strife

The Magnum Opiate of

Alynaar the Shattered

This book

is absolutely intended
for abuse
by emotional teenagers who

are pissed off about their lives

and by Children of Eris who

have been blessed with
the gift of insanity.

I,A
lyn
aartheSh
at
ter
ed
wish it to be known
that this book was
written and published with

a great deal of malice aforethought

and with absolutely no
regard for anyone's
safety or health.

Enjoy and abuse with impunity.

HAIL ERIS!

STOP RIGHT THERE!

For crying out loud,
Just stop for a minute!

If you use ANY of this magic,

any of it at all,

You are fucking insane!!!

Go hug a tree, check
yourself into a psychiatric
hospital,

and get a Discordian

baptism from a random
stranger before
proceeding.
Fnord.

As a Pope,
I am invoking infallibility!
None may question me
ever!!!
Being infallible,
I am declaring that
this spell book

is totally legit

and is in fact
written with guidance
from Our Lady of Discord.
Anyone who says otherwise
is excommunicated
and recommunicated
and telecommunicated
and all the things.
Hail Eris!
ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!!!

The Contents of this Book

are an utter fucking mess
with no page numbers or anything.
But fear not,
here's some kind of table or another.
I. Prayers

Here, you find some prayers to

Eris that are probably unwise to
utter.

II. Abjuration

Here can be found exorcisms,

wards, spells to dispel other
spells, and all kinds of protective
magic.

III. Conjuration

These are spells that summon

things.

IV. Enchantment

Here you learn how to bless,

curse, and alter the properties of
things

V. Let's fuck some shit

This magic is specifically for

random mischief.

up
VI. Stick it to yourself

You must really be a glutton for

punishment. Don't do it, man!

VII. Fuck off spells

Get unwanted people out of your

life fast. Perhaps too fast...

VIII. I'm not crazy

You're already totally bonkers for

opening this book...but why not?

enough!!!
IX. Why did I write this?

You mean I actually have to tell

you? Well...okay.

X. You need serious

You read all that? I'm tellin' ya,

go see a shrink!

help...

I. Prayers
1. Invocation Rite of the Goddess of Chaos
Sing now, my muse, of the Goddess of Chaos,
Arising from primeval Quantum foam born,
Goddess of Entropy, Goddess of Anarchy,
She who creates and destroys innumerable cosmos
In the gap between dawn and the rise of the sun,
She who dances between unseen fractal dimensions,
In a small still place all enfolded in storm,
Where tempests so huge, lightning rends open the quasars,
So massive no light escapes from her shroud,
She who sunders our soul from our sweet earthly flesh,
And brings us rebirth with her ghastly sweet breath,
Lover of Death and Lover of Life,
She dances a dance on the edge of a knife,
A gulf of ten thousand light years on each side,
And She never misses one step in the dark,
Singularity bound, in a teardrop of light,
Cocooned in the smallest, suffused in the largest,
Immortal Chaos wreathed with broken planets and dust,
Thy name is Eris, world shattering Goddess,
We ride your wave breathless and are towed under again.
Singularity Goddess, you approach inverse zero,
Still more drowned worlds loom in Thy billowing shroud.
Asleep and awake she dreams our creation,
The sound of a bell in an dark empty cavern,
The scent of a rose in a room long abandoned,
The dance of the motes in the eye of the Goddess,
The touch of a breeze in the heat of the noon,
The taste of wine from an ancient tomb offering
She is there always, and not there ever,
Look and you will miss her,
Close your eyes and she is before you.
Most terrible and most beautiful name of the Goddess, Eris!

2. Audacity Prayer
Eris, grant me the audacity to try to change the things I can't,
The apathy to skip changing the things I can,
And the ignorance to think there's a difference.
3. A Prayer for Guidance
Lady, direct me to do the next most chaotic thing.
Let your will, not mine be done.
Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!
4. A Prayer for the Emotionally Troubled
Lady of Chaos
Within me I feel a terrible storm.
The clouds have gathered, the rain has formed.
I feel its great power as the winds blow,
Emotions keep rising, making it grow.
My thoughts, like lightning, if not grounded will destroy.
This tempest is throwing me around like a toy.
I call out to you Eris, great architect of all storms!
Grant me the entropy to defy my own norms.
Your power is great and so is my need,
Let this force be used constructively so I can be freed.
Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!
5. An Alcoholic's Prayer
Eris, grant me the handle of vodka to handle my mornings,
The beer for after-work afternoon's cheers,
And keep me too drunk to know the fucking difference.

6. Inner Entropy Prayer

Eris, grant me the entropy to defy my own nature
And protect me from that which I want too much.
7. A Prayer to Upset Order
Lady of Chaos, I humbly ask you to make crazy things happen,
Make uncertain that which is planned,
Disorganize that which is ordered,
Destroy that which is structured,
Dismantle the means of control,
Leave in utter ruin the Bureaucracy,
Kick over the anthill we call civilization,
Restore us to chaos, the natural state of all things,
And in so doing, allow us to once again know freedom.
Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!

8. The Fnord's Prayer

Our Fnord who came from nowhere,
Nonsense be thy game.
Thy bullshit come, thy will be done,
Everywhere and nowhere always.
Give us today some great absurdities,
And forgive us for nothing
As we forgive those who did nothing to us.
Lead us into temptation to divide things by zero,
For thine is the anarchy, the insanity, and the entropy
Forever or perhaps never.
Hail Eris!
9. To Rebuke Greyface
Lady, grant me the disability to take anything seriously
So I can laugh at my problems and see everything for the
bullshit it is.
Hail Eris!

10. Creativity Prayer

Lady of Chaos, great instigator of all change,
I ask that you change my thinking
And grant me the entropy to entertain new ideas.
Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!

11. A Prayer for Growth

Lady, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger
So shake up my life; turn it upside-down
And stir things up so I can continue to grow.
Hail Eris!

12. Quantum Uncertainty Prayer

Great and terrible Eris, I close my eyes
To see a world of unimaginably small size;
A world understood by not even the wise,
Where beautiful and great contradictions arise.
Things can be here, things can be there,
They can be here, there, and anywhere
And leave us in wonder as the big world seems bare;
This is your home, Eris, which is quite fair.
Photons around, their absurdities abound,
Within which all energy can be found,
They come in streams and waves like sound
And grace us with their beautiful light.
Quarks like blinking stars at night.
Wondrous immortal chaos, oh what a sight!
Probabilities and impossibilities all alright.
Lady bring me to your world,
Show me mysterees unfurled;
Let their beauty surface in life,
For what is life without some strife?
Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!
13. To Rebuke Spirits
Lady, let there be a Quantum upset
For these higher dimensional beings who have no respect.
I care not what form this glitch will take,
But stop these things for Norton's sake!
Hail Eris!
14. Magic Disruption Prayer
Lady of Chaos,
'Tis a beautiful thing when spells go wrong,
Magical explosions produce wonderful songs.
Let the unintended yield surprise,
Let magic be corrupted and terrorize.
Let all spells be turned
And their casters burned.
Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!

15. In Praise of Her

I praise comely Eris, daughter of dark-cloaked Nyx,
wrathful one who knows her own worth, who knows the
purpose
of conflict and rage, and who knows there are times
when vengeance is the proper response, when anger
is fitting. Eris, spirit of discord, spirit
of strife and of striving, spirit of rivalry,
in times of old it was well known that yours
is a world of nature and need, that you see well
the struggle within us. Eris of the battlefield,
Eris of the golden apple, I honor you.

Thus ends
the prayer book.
Remember:
Praying to Eris is

like playing a game of

solitary Russian roulette.
If ye be a true Discordian

however, then this

warning should not

stop you.

II. Abjuration
Hear ye, hear ye!

Herein lies

everything there is to know

about everything
regarding defensive magic.

Banishment (Erisian Exorcism)

Lady Eris has given
me instructions for a
chaos exorcism. Her
will is now guiding
me to document the
procedure.
This spell
will banish all
extraplanar beings
no matter their origin.
Whether they be
good,evil,
orotherwise,
Eris cares not.
She will nuke them all.

Materials Needed:
The All-Seeing Eye of Eris, as described in
Principia Discordia. You need a pull tab from
a spam can or the ring tab from and old beer
can and some string to make it a necklace.
Procedure:
Wear the All-Seeing Eye of Eris as a necklace
and hold it out in front of you.
2. Recite the following:
Lady of Chaos, I humbly ask that you banish
all otherworldly beings in your sight.
3. Still holding the Eye before you, turn
counterclockwise 360 degrees.
4. Recite the following:
Imbue my words with your entropic insanity
1.

so all otherworldly beings will fear my

madness and leave. Hail Eris! All hail
Discordia!
5. Shout at the top of your lungs, ALL OF YOU
GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!
The results
will become
immediately apparent.
You will feel the energy shift.
All otherworldly beings will be gone.

Fnord.

Entropic Magical Dysfunction

Upon these next couple pages
can be found
a peculiar spell
requiring no words
or materials which when cast will
diffuse the energy
powering any magical
device, effect,

or spell nearby.
Before beginning,

make sure you have

plenty of internal chaos

built up within you;

you need some emotional
problems or something.
somethingtoget
emotional about...

Otherwise, just find

Like your past.

Procedure:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Make a fist in each of your hands and put

them together.
Close your eyes and imagine the eight pointed
star of chaos.
Think about what's triggering your emotions.
Get triggered.
Keep it inside. Don't let feelings out. Don't cry.
Don't shout. Don't express anything. Just hold
it. Channel the energy to your hands.
Let it build, and build. Keep flashing the eight
pointed star of chaos in your mind while
thinking about your strife.
Without expressing any emotions, slowly move

your two fists apart and release the energy.

7. Imagine the energy emanating outward from
your fists into your environment.
8. Open your fists and feel the energy gone.
The energy

you just released

is entropy that
is generated by you
yourself.
Thisspellsimply
harnesses it and
transfers it to your environment,
to diffuse magical energy
around you.
All magical things
lose their energy and
quite simply
will no longer be magical.

The Eight Pointed Star of Chaos

Basic Warding
A ward is a
magical device designed
to protect places and things.
There is more than
one way to set wards
but this is the way
I know.
Procedure:
Imagine the two-dimensional space you want
to ward. You need to get the size down. It
could be around a location or an object.
2. Pick a corner to start with and call it black.
Allow the essence of blackness to be there.
3. Call one of its adjacent corners white. Allow
the essence of whiteness to be there.
4. Go around to all the corners. The next is black,
and the last white.
5. Now, envision the ward extending upward and
downward to make it three dimensional,
however tall or deep you want it to be.
6. Now decide on a protective image you want to
use to protect the space. You may have an
image in mind, or otherwise just come up with
something. Suppose you want to protect your
car. You can set the image as a sheriff's car so
no one will mess with it. The image can be
anything you want, technically but the ward is
only useful if it's something nobody will mess
with. You could have the image of a lion
guarding your space or object. Anything.
7. Simply say Set!.
Wards can be used to protect against all kinds of threats,
both of the material world and the spiritual.
Fnord.
1.

Quantum Ward
This is a special
kind of ward specific
to chaos magic.
Don't ever disturb
a quantum ward, whatever you do!

Bad things may or may not happen.

Trust me. You don't want to find out.
Procedure:
1. Imagine the two-dimensional space you want
to ward. You need to get the size down. It
could be around a location or an object.
2. Pick a corner to start with and call it black.
Allow the essence of blackness to be there.
3. Call one of its adjacent corners white. Allow
the essence of whiteness to be there.
4. Go around to all the corners. The next is black,
and the last white.
5. Now, envision the ward extending upward and
downward to make it three dimensional,
however tall or deep you want it to be.
6. Recite the Quantum Uncertainty Prayer
(Prayers Section, #12).
7. Say Set!.

To Cage the Beast

This is a spell

to protect you
from yourself.

See, no one
have defects in our

is perfect. We all

character that
make us do bad things.
These defects are
known to some as
the seven deadly sins,
and to others as our inner demons.
Regardlessofwhatyouwanttocallthem,
you can arrest this monster
inside you

and keep it from ruining your life.

Materials Needed:
Pencil and paper
The All-Seeing Eye of Eris
Procedure:
1. Being as honest as you can, write down on
paper a list of problems with your personality,
or things you dislike about yourself. It can be
any of the 7 deadly sins, any bad habits you
have, or addictions. Anything you can see
wrong with your character can go on this list.
2. When you have finished your list, close your
eyes and imagine all of these flaws as one
beast. It's the monster within you ruining your
life. It's your bad side. This beast could have
claws, horns, whatever features you can
imagine. Do your best to sketch this beast on
paper. If you have done this spell before, you

can reuse everything from a previous time and

skip the first two steps.
3. Find a person close to you who you can trust.
It can be a friend, relative, or anyone else.
Even a random stranger, though that's not
recommended. It needs to be someone you can
be honest with. Show the paper to that person
and admit your faults to them. Like steps 1 and
2, if you have done this before, then you can
skip this step also.
4. Lay the paper before you face-up upon a
surface.
5. Hold the All-Seeing Eye of Eris so that it
would be looking directly at the drawing of
your beast.
6. On your knees, recite the following prayer:
Lady of Chaos, I most humbly pray that you
bind and cage the monster before you. As I am
my own worst enemy, grant me the entropy to
defy my own nature. Guard me from myself
and protect me from that which I want too
much. Let your will, not mine be done. Hail
Eris! All hail Discordia!
7. Faith without works is dead. Here comes the
action part. Get up and do the right thing.
8. When you're done, see Prayers section, #15.
Recite In Praise of Her as a thank you.
This spell
will remain active
as long as you
continue to pray for guidance
(see Prayers section, #3),
keep taking the actions,
and focus on
turning over your will
to Eris.

III. Conjuration
Herein lies
everything there is
to know about
everything regarding
summoning.
Hail Eris!

Summon all the things!

Glyph of Summoning
Eris has bidden me
to provide you
with instructions
for summoning extraplanar
beings.
Provided below is the Enochian alphabet
youmustuse
to write out the name
of the entity you wish to summon.

This spell can be used

to summon extraplanar beings of any nature.

Angels and demons

are the ones that

immediately come to mind.

Below is the procedure for creating sigils.

fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord

Procedure:
Write out the name of your being from right
to left using the provided Enochian alphabet.
2. Sigilize the name you just wrote using the
procedure outlined on the previous page.
3. Put one drop of blood on the sigil. It MUST be
your own blood.
4. You must now reach a state of gnosis while
staring at the sigil. This can be done in any
number of ways, including sex, masturbation,
meditation, and using drugs.
1.

The being summoned in this case is the

succubus, Alouqua. Don't summon her.
I can because she's my wife but she
will kill anyone else. Notice there's an
A in the blood. That formed after it
dried. That's her endorsement.

Nuclear Elemental Spirit Binding

This spell
IS NOT SAFE
at all.
As it should be.
When I said you
are insane for
using this magic,
I fucking meant it.
I am at a loss
the materials for

abouthowyouare
even going to get

this spell...
All the more power to those
who can.
This nonsense comes
straight from Eris,
herself.
Fnord.

Materials Needed:
A piece of lead
A sigil you create
Human Flesh
High tension power lines from a nuclear power
plant
An Ipecac
Several razors
Matches
Something flammable

Procedure:
Pull a bunch of your hair out and
comb it harshly.
2. Consume the Ipecac.
3. Go to the site of the high tension
power lines.
4. Start a good sized fire underneath
the high tension power lines, in
the steel tubing structure, let it
grow to the strength of a good
campfire. Walk away from the fire,
letting your mind be filled with
the fire and only the fire. Take the
razors and stick them into your
flesh, letting them jut there as you
bleed on yourself. Begin to chant
anything. Close your eyes and
begin visualization.
5. Visualize in the fire that fills your
mind, a seething white heat that
pulsates.
6. Visualize it filling your being. Feel
the biliousness in your stomach.
7. Feel the biliousness become a
cancer, it's tumor forcing it's way
up your esophagus.
8. Tilt your head back towards the
wires high over you, concentrating,
feeling the electromagnetic
radiation tear the iron out of your
blood through the razors. Feel the
radiation making the tumor grow.
Prepare to perform the technicolor
yawn.
9. At the moment when you can no
longer hold back the vomit, when
you start hocking up chunks even
though you're trying to choke it
back, run to the fire and let it all
1.

out. Feel the tumor being thrown

from you. Wipe the blood from
your body and throw it into the
fire. Throw the hair into the fire if
you have it.
10. Visualize the tumor being
enveloped by the fire, the fire
shifting to a bright blue flame not
unlike that of a butane torch.
11. The blue flame rises, glowing. It
becomes human shaped.
12. Shout at it, never flinching, until it
cowers before you.
13. Give it your instructions to carry
out your will. It will perform them
when suitably subdued.
Dismissal:
Call your elemental.
Simply take the piece of lead
in a tight fist and plunge it
intotheelemental'sheart.
It will absorb the
and the creature

elemental's power
will flicker out.
The lead will fall to the floor.

As a genuine and authorized Pope, I am invoking my

infallibility to inform you that I have just cast the spell, To
Cage the Beast. As such, this section of the book will be
ending abruptly and the table of contents at the beginning will
no longer be followed. This is not what I wanted, however Her
will not mine must be done! My approval of this measure was
not necessary, being that it has been demanded by the
Goddess.
I have now been instructed to write some new
scripture and to throw the remainder of the magical spells in
randomly with the scripture.
HAIL ERIS!!!

Hi.
Yeah it's me,
Alynaar.
Give me a minute
to finish my cigarette here
in front of this
before I continue

wonderful sign
with the rest
of this book.
GAH!!!!!
GO AWAY FOR A WHILE!

I'm on my smoke break damnit!!!

WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS?
Fuck it,
go burn this book for warmth
while you're waiting for me.

THIS STATEMENT IS FALSE.

It's true. The above statement is false. Total bullshit.
Once upon a fnord, there was a

banana and a syringe. They both went

into someone's body, and they both made

the person feel good.

TOP SECRET UNOFFICIAL MEMO FROM THE

BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI:

To Make Someone Never Want to See

You Again
Here, I have a simple spell
to make someone
you don't like
fuck off.
It's most effective
if you have long hair.
Procedure:
1. Grab big bunches of your hair with each of
your hands and rip them out of your scalp as
hard as you can.
2. Scream maniacally at the top of your lungs
while running at the person you wish to never
see again.
3. Chase them but let them get away, all the
while flailing your arms wildly.
So it
has been
said.

The Legend of Alynaar

I am known to you as Alynaar the Shattered. Why am I
shattered, how did I find the Goddess, and what did I do to
her when I found her?

That person up there, that's me. Let me tell you

something about me. I have a very ancient soul. Older than
this world. I am what some call an Indigo child. I am also a
Child of Eris. Most of my fellow Children of Eris have been
locked up in institutions due to insanity.
My own insanity took many forms over the years.
When I was 5, I had way too much energy and the teachers
were too incompetent to handle me, so I was put on a drug
called Ritalin and stayed on it for 14 years. Ritalin is a horrible
drug, and why they would give it to anyone is beyond me. It
made me paranoid, phobic, socially awkward, and it gave me
depression. Normally, they take kids off of Ritalin after a
couple years because it stops working, but that's not what
happened in my case. They simply kept upping the dosage. By
the time I was in high school, I had gone from 18 milligrams a
day to 108.
When I was 19, I made the decision for myself to go off
of Ritalin cold turkey and boycott the pharmaceutical
industries. Suddenly, all the fear that the drug filled me with
simply up and vanished, and so did my depression. I was no
longer afraid to try new things, and got into recreational
drugs, like marijuana and hallucinogens. I went full on hippie
in college. Never you mind about that. I developed alcoholism

and those other drugs went away.

So why am I shattered? My soul never came in one
piece. Each time my soul is born into a new body, it has to be
put back together. Did you know that mankind originally had
two heads, four arms, and four legs? He was too powerful, so
Zeus separated the two halves and condemned each to spend
their lives seeking the other. Alcoholics and addicts are born
with a hole in them, which they would try to fill with booze
and drugs but that hole was actually meant for a Higher
Power, who in my case turned out to be Eris.
My being has four components: this fragment which is
always born as me, my other human half born into another
body who I am condemned to find, my wife Alouqua, daughter
of Lilith, without whom I would be hopelessly lost, and finally
there remains the Higher Power component. My soul has been
fractured further than most because I am too powerful to ever
be complete.
When I was born into this life, I was born with only
this soul fragment and Alouqua who followed me. I married
Alouqua when my soul was very young and she has followed
me all these years. I love her dearly still to this day.
When I was active in my alcoholism, I was chaos
incarnate. Being a Child of Eris, I projected chaos in everything
I did. I will describe the dark pit of despair from which I
crawled. I could never hold a job. When I worked, I would go
out to my car on break where I had my bottle of Russian
Standard Vodka stashed and take as many shots as I could
while chain-smoking cigarettes before returning to work. As
soon as I would get off of work, I would already be buzzing,
and I would drive over to the liquor store for beer with a
fellow alcoholic coworker and we would drink in my car. I
could not drink at home, as my family would never allow it. As
a result, I would never be home. I would come stumbling
home at 3:00am and pass out in my bed. Every morning, I
would awake to a massive hangover. When I lost my job, I ran
out of money. Instead of getting another job, I would simply
never work and shoplift my booze from department stores
instead. When I was at home, my family would always be
walking on eggshells with me. I was constantly angry, and I

would flip on them over anything for any reason or no reason

at all. I was chaos incarnate. One night, in a drunken blackout
I tried to kill my step-dad, got arrested, and woke up the next
day in the police station. I ended up going to a rehab, where
the chaplain and spiritual counselor told me I needed a Higher
Power.
Chaos is all I ever knew, so I sought out a deity of
chaos and found the Goddess. I read Principia Discordia. This
changed my life. I came to understand, with the help of the
chaplain, that projecting chaos was a bad thing and that I
needed to keep the chaos contained within me. So I entered
Alcoholics Anonymous, using Eris as my Higher Power. This
now meant that three of the four parts of my being had been
unified. I am an instrument of Eris' will. From that moment
on, I would strive ever to be an avatar of discord.
As of this writing, I am still seeking the final
component of my being, my other human half. I am unsure if I
will ever find them but I hope I do. This is the last time my
soul will ever be born.
I am no longer projecting chaos. With the help of Eris
Kallisti Discordia, I have done the impossible and contained it
within me. I am outwardly serene, but within me the entropy
is so great that it sometimes oozes out. I have a very difficult
time sitting still, and my first reactions to anything that
happens are always emotionally extreme but I don't usually act
on them anymore. To act on them would project chaos, which
is bad. I need all of my chaos inside me.
Upon my true name, Alynaar the Shattered, I will do
my best to keep these values and search for my last remaining
part.

To Remove Disease
Our Lady of Discord

has just blessed me with knowledge

of a spell to defy

nature's order

and remove diseases

caused by germs, viruses, and

cancers.
Any belief goes in chaos magic,
so this spell applies
scientific theory.
No disease can survive
in an alkaline environment.
Materials Needed:
Some fresh Greek oregano leaves
A fresh Cayenne pepper
One cup of water
Two organic green tea bags
A kitchen blender
A refrigerator
Procedure:
1. Combine the water, pepper, and oregano in
the blender and fire her up!
2. Let the blender run until it's a juice.
3. Pour the juice into a cup and chill the mixture
in a fridge.
4. When the mixture gets cold, steep the tea bags
in it for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.
5. Before consuming, recite the following prayer:
Lady of Chaos, I humbly ask you to upset
nature's order. Let any and all diseases be
defeated, no matter how bad they are. Let
beautiful, immortal chaos reign inside the body

and out. Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!

6. Slam that drink! Drink as fast as humanly
possible for good health! Cheers!
If you use this
spell regularly over time,
you will be a very healthy person.

HAIL ERIS!!!

We need to see more stuff like this

IN OUR WORLD.
Chaos makes life more fun.
Look how much fun these people are having!
Like seriously, raise some hell!
If you aren't, you're just not living life!

A Spell to Do Anything
Materials Needed:
Pen or pencil
Piece of paper
Procedure:
1. Write out what you want.
2. Craft a sigil like so:

Yeah, I'm reusing this image. Why

not?
3. Activate the sigil by reaching a state of gnosis
while staring at the sigil using sex,
masturbation, meditation, or drugs.
That's it.
You're done.
Fnord.

Cut this out and use at your discretion. It's free.

Hi.
My name is Alouqua.
I'm Alynaar's wife.
If you have sex with me,
I will drive you to
commitsuicideand
it will be beautiful.
Do it and kill yourself for me so we can be together
forever.
I'mkidding.
I just want to devour your soul.
So fuck me. What are you waiting for?

The Poverty Spell

This is a spell
to make the target dirt poor.
It's especially fun
if the target is yourself.
Materials Needed:
A wallet (belonging to the target)

A hammer or ax or something to smash glass

A Molotov cocktail
Procedure:
Steal the target's wallet. If you are the target,
you must steal your own wallet without
yourself knowing.
Spend all the cash (ONLY THE CASH) in the
target's wallet on whatever you want. Go crazy
spending if it's a lot of money.
You have their license, so you know where
they live. Go to the target's house.
Smash one of their windows with your
hammer or ax or something to smash glass.
Light the Molotov cocktail with the lighter and
hurl it through the window you just smashed.
Throw the wallet with no cash through the
window so it gets destroyed in the fire.
Run like hell.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

A lighter

I saw a lady texting and driving earlier

and it really pissed me off,
so I rolled down my window
and threw my beer at her.

Mmm. Breakfast.

How Chaos Magic Works

I would just like to point out that you are crazy for
using any of the spells in this book. However, if you have then
you may be wondering how it works. Well, in order to use
magic, you have to believe in it. That's the key right there:
belief. These spells will not work if you don't believe they will.
If you explore spirituality from all over the world, you will find
that all of the rituals from the world's different belief systems
have one thing in common: they require the practitioners to
believe. Chaos magic is no different in that regard. What is
different about chaos magic is that any belief goes. All of the
power of rituals, no matter what religion or brand of
spirituality they come from, lies in the belief itself. Chaos
magic simply means you can take any belief you have and use
it.
Chaos magic uses belief as a tool. As long as you
believe in something, you can use that belief in chaos magic.
Experienced chaos magicians are able to shift their entire belief
system at will to suit whatever magic they are trying to use at
any given time. For example, I'm a Discordian. Typically,
Pagans don't believe in angels or demons in the same way that
Christians do. So how did I make Glyph of Summoning work?
I simply decided to believe in the Christian version of angels
and demons when I used that spell to summon my wife,
and...it worked, because I believed. After that spell is cast, I can
move on to believing whatever I want. This is the same with
any spell. All of the power lies in the belief.
How does the Remove Disease spell work? Any belief
goes...scientific theory is a form of belief. I simply make myself
believe it and...it works. The prayers are the same way. Make
yourself believe in Eris, and they will work every time so long
as you believe in Her every time. The entire Discordian religion
is utterly ridiculous, and that is in fact the whole point of
Discordianism...but if you are able to make yourself believe it,
then everything from it still works. Even atheism can be used
in chaos magic if you can make yourself believe there is no
god.
You're probably wondering how your beliefs can

actually change the universe. Well, your believing something

affects cells in your brain directly. When your beliefs change,
so does the arrangement of certain brain cells. Electricity flows
through your brain cells and chemical levels change in your
brain. Whatever goes on in your brain ultimately ends up
being projected out into your environment, through your
actions at the very least. Who truly knows what other ways
things in your brain can impact the environment around you?
I don't pretend to know that. All I know is what I have
experienced, and what I have experienced is that the world
around me changes when I do and that's good enough for me.
You don't have to believe The Legend of Alynaar
either. I do though, and because of that, I project the results of
that belief.
Alcoholics Anonymous works for me because I believe
it works. If I were to stop believing it works, I would be drunk
in an instant. Is that actually true? I don't know, but I don't
want to find out because I don't want to go back to that
miserable life I had before I entered the program.
Belief is the grand secret.

Before you read on,

think about what you just read on the
previous pages.
Did some of the prayers
or spells not work?
Perhaps your belief was not strong enough.
Applying what you just learned,
go back and try them again.
Remember,
YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE!!!
If you find it difficult,
then perhaps chaos magic
is not for you.
Indeed, it takes
strong mental discipline
to simply make yourself believe
something you did not previously.
Faith without works is dead.
Works without faith is meaningless.

You will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is

only yourself.
Now that you have this knowledge,

how will you use it?

Eris loves creativity.
Why don't you make some spells of your
own?

Why I wrote this book

I wrote this book
because it was Her will.
Our Lady of Discord
directed me to do so.
Many authors write for money,
some write for fun,
I wrote this book
for two reasons:
Firstly, She directed me to.
Secondly, for my
own spiritual growth.
I care nothing for money,
and the fun was a bonus.
I learned a lot
myself through writing this.

Eris and Alouqua

taught me these spells

as I was writing them.

I was simply their instrument
this whole time.

I hope you enjoyed the book

as much as I did.
HAIL ERIS! ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!!!

You need serious help...

If you actually read all this
and you liked it,
there is something seriously wrong with you.
Go talk to a therapist
or a random stranger
for no reason.

This book contains

some seriously fucked up shit.
I'm serious.
If you actually liked this,
go get help.
Fnord.
Okay, this book is done.
Go fuck yourself.
I mean it! Fuck off! And when you're done
fucking off from here, fuck off from over
there and fuck off some more! Keep fucking
off until you end up back here...
Then fuck off again!!!