There are many reasons why interpersonal communications may

fail. In many communications, the message (what is said) may not

be received exactly the way the sender intended. It is, therefore,
important that the communicator seeks feedback to check that
their message is clearly understood.
The skills of Active Listening, Clarification and Reflection may
help but the skilled communicator also needs to be aware of the
barriers to effective communication and how to avoid or overcome
them.
There are many barriers to communication and these may occur at any stage in
the communication process. Barriers may lead to your message becoming
distorted and you therefore risk wasting both time and/or money by causing
confusion and misunderstanding. Effective communication involves overcoming
these barriers and conveying a clear and concise message.

Common Barriers to Effective

Communication:

The use of jargon. Over-complicated, unfamiliar and/or technical terms.

Emotional barriers and taboos. Some people may find it difficult to express their emotions
and some topics may be completely 'off-limits' or taboo.

Lack of attention, interest, distractions, or irrelevance to the receiver. (See our

page Barriers to Effective Listening for more information).

Differences in perception and viewpoint.

Physical disabilities such as hearing problems or speech difficulties.

Physical barriers to non-verbal communication. Not being able to see the non-verbal
cues, gestures, posture and general body language can make communication less effective.

Language differences and the difficulty in understanding unfamiliar accents.

Expectations and prejudices which may lead to false assumptions or stereotyping.

People often hear what they expect to hear rather than what is actually said and jump to incorrect
conclusions.

Cultural differences. The norms of social interaction vary greatly in different cultures, as do
the way in which emotions are expressed. For example, the concept of personal space varies
between cultures and between different social settings.
See our page on Intercultural Awareness for more information.

A skilled communicator must be aware of these barriers and try to reduce their
impact by continually checking understanding and by offering appropriate
feedback.

20 Qualities of Good Listeners

Posted by: Jason Hardin in Discipleship February 17, 2009

Good, practical thoughts from Gavin Ortlund.

I have been reflecting lately on how important (and how difficult) it is to listen. I am
coming to understand how much conflict and misunderstanding is related to a failure to
listen well, and I want to become a better listener.
Ive been blessed to know many people who were good listeners.
good listeners? Some observations:

What makes them

1. Good listeners consider a persons statements in relation to their presuppositions (as

much as possible). They are willing to ask the question, How does this make sense to
them? and genuinely seek an answer to that question in evaluating another persons
opinion.

2. Good listeners are not hasty in making judgments. They are willing to think about
something for a while.
They dont have to categorize everyone and everything
immediately. Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slowto
speak, slow to anger (James 1:19).
3. Good listeners pay careful attention to words. They dont assume that an idea they
are hearing is identical to an idea they are already familiar with simply because it has
similarities. They respect the complexity of reality and are willing to make fine
distinctions and treat each person, each statement, each idea on its own terms.
4. Good listeners ask questions. Not to embarrass or attack, but to clarify and distill.
5. Good listeners are not lazy. They work hard to understand. They exert energy in
listening. For example, other people can usually tell that they are listening from their
body posture and nonverbal communication.
6. Good listeners dont feel threatened by not controlling the conversation. They are
comfortable with silence. They give the speaker unthreatened, unhurried space in
which to operate while communicating.
7. Good listeners understand that everyone has different communication styles, and
adjust their listening to correspond to the speakers communication style. For example,
if the speaker is shy, they draw the person out more. If they are talkative, they interject
more, etc. They dont take a one-size-fits-all approach to listening.
8. Good listeners interrupt intentionally and gently, rather than habitually and rashly.
9. Good listeners recall their own subjectivity and finitude as a listener. They make
evaluations with the humility that corresponds to seeing parts, not the whole. They
consider the angle and point of view from which they are listening.
10. Good listeners are willing to listen to something even if its hard to hear. They
dont stop listening as soon as they become offended or turned off by the speaker. They
can receive a rebuke.

Proverbs 12:15

Proverbs 15:32

Proverbs 13:1

11. Good listeners do not unreasonably question the motives of the speaker. They
make a good faith assumption that, all other factors being equal, the speaker is trying to
communicate clearly and truthfully.

12. Good listeners dont equate listening with agreeing. Good listeners understand
that careful listening equips you to disagree well, because by listening you understand
more clearly what it is that you disagree with.
13. Good listeners are not simply waiting to talk again when someone else is speaking.
They actually value the contributions of other people.
14. Good listeners remember that you can learn from anyone. They realize that human
subjectivity and fallenness is such that the most learned person can still learn from a
little child.
15. Good listeners love people. They understand that listening is connected to every
other aspect of relationships. They understand that there is simply no substitute for
genuine affection for other people (James 3:17).
16. Good listeners pay attention to nonverbal communication without discounting
verbal communication. They pay attention to the fact that they are paying attention to
both nonverbal communication and verbal communication.
17. Good listeners are willing to speak. They dont equate listening with silence. They
understand that the speaker may need them to communicate in order to further the
conversation.
18. Good listeners understand that every act of communication takes place in a context
or setting. They consider the way the context of a communication-event shapes the
meaning. For example, they understand social dynamics and the way different
situations call for different kinds of listening.
19. Good listeners are willing to stop listening to something that is perverse, wicked, or
dangerously foolish. They understand that in a fallen world there are some things that
are so evil or foolish that they should not even be listened to. They know when to draw
the line. They use common sense.
20. Good listeners understand how important listening is to a relationship. They dont
assume or underestimate the value of listening; they value and seek to cultivate good
listening skills.

In the business world, speaking effectively is a must. Whether you are going
on an interview, asking your boss for a raise (or a bigger budget), selling your
product to bidders/purchasers, speaking with clients, giving a presentation, or

rallying the troops for a long-haul network upgrade, you are going to need to
be at your best with public speaking. Problem is, most schools don't really
give you much in the way of training for public speaking. That's where I come
in.
You may not know this, but I was an actor for a long, long time. I did
Broadway, some films (nothing to mention), a LOT of theatre, and even taught
at a couple of universities. So I know my way around speaking. And I know
how to make speaking easier for those who look at standing up in front of a
crowd (or sitting in front a prospective boss) as a nightmare made real. Here
are 10 simple ways to make that nightmare more a dream.
Note: This article is also available as a PDF download.

1: Prepare
You have to know your material. And I'm not just talking about memorizing
words and facts. I mean really KNOW your material. You can't predict what is
going to happen that might cause you to get sidetracked. Murphy's Law
dictates that something will happen. And when it does, it's best to know where
you are. That's when a little acting trick will come in handy.
When you have a large script to memorize, the best way to do it is in chunks.
But not just any chunk. It's best to make a chunk all related material. For
example: You're giving a presentation on why your company should migrate to
open source software. You could have five different chunks to your speech:
Intro to open source, Cost savings, Security, Reliability, Ease of use. With
each of those chunks, you'll have certain bits of information to know. But
always know the names of those chunks. So when/if you get lost, you at least
know which chunk you are on. If you know the information within that chunk
well enough, you can get back on track.
This has helped me a number of times on stage. If I know the gist of a scene
and I get lost, at least I know what the scene is about, so eventually I can right
that ship. If I have no idea what the scene is about, I'll never get that scene
righted. Same thing with a speech. If you memorize just a big blurb of stuff
and you don't break it down, you'll be lost in a sea of information if you lose

your bearings. If you get lost within a chunk, that sea becomes a lake and you
can find your way back to shore fairly easily. Know your material!

2: Rehearse correctly
Most people don't realize this, but nerves have a serious effect on how you
speak in front of people. Nearly everyone who gets nervous when speaking in
front of people will speak faster than they normally would. This can lead to you
not being understood and most certainly seeming nervous. (Pitting out that
button-down? Shame!). To avoid this pitfall, rehearse your speech more slowly
than you would normally. That doesn't mean speeeeeeaaaak verrrrrrrry
slooooooowly. That means just be more at ease and relaxed when you
rehearse. That way, when the nerves kick in, you will most likely be speaking
at a normal pace.

3: Hydrate yourself
Most would think this a crazy thing to do before speaking. But you know why
so many speakers keep water with them when they speak? Nerves dry up
your mouth. And when your mouth dries up, you will have a harder time
articulating your thoughts. To that end, make sure you drink plenty of water
before and during your speech. Now this doesn't mean down it like you've not
had water to your lips in days. If you do that, you'll most certainly need to
pause in the middle of your speech to visit the bathroom. Either that or you'll
REALLY embarrass yourself.

4: Relax before you go on

This is another one of those tactics that most people don't think will work. It
does. One of an actor's biggest jobs is finding jobs. To find jobs as an actor
you have to audition. Auditioning is one of the single most nerve wracking
things you will ever do. I quickly discovered that if I relax before I go on, my
nerves just ease away. But how does one relax? By not obsessing over what
you are about to do. If you go over and over your speech before you go on,
you will be in a constant state of reminding yourself that you are about to
make yourself nervous. Instead, do something to get your mind off what you

are about to do. Two activities did the trick for me: Reading a book or playing
a video game. It's pretty easy these days to pack a PSP, DS, Kindle, or
paperback with you. Do this and take advantage of the time before you go on.
Your heart rate will thank you for it.

5: Rest well
The night before you are going on the biggest interview of your life, don't go
out and paint the town the color of the hangover you'll have the next morning.
Instead, relax, go to the gym, catch a movie, read, or anything that is going to
help you get a good night's sleep. And that doesn't mean medicate yourself to
get those 40 winks. If you do, you'll wake up feeling worse than if you hadn't
slept.

6: Dress to impress
During my 20 years as an actor, I probably had just a handful of outfits I would
wear during auditions. There are two reasons for this: Superstition and looks.
When an outfit seemed to help me get a gig, I would use it more than not. But
how does this really help? You choose a speaking, interviewing, rallying outfit
that makes you look good (both to yourself and others) and when you feel
like you look good, your confidence will soar. So don't just settle on your usual
khakis and oxford. Bring in the help of that significant other to help you find
just the right look that makes you KNOW you look good. The confidence you
gain by this will greatly improve your speaking.

7: Articulate
Have you ever listened to someone speak who was hard to understand? What
do you do after a while? You tune them out. You find them uninteresting and
assume they're not really knowledgeable about their subject. You can be the
most brilliant person alive, but if your audience can't understand you, you will
lose them. There are exceptions to this (think Stephen Hawking), but for the
most part, speakers who articulate are thought of much more highly than
those who don't.

8: Be heard
This goes hand in hand with number 7. If you can't be heard, you won't be
heard. If you have a softer voice, you know you're going to have trouble. And
most people tend to speak more softly when they're speaking in front of a
crowd. (Again, nerves can do many things.) Here's a way to help you out with
this. When you rehearse your speech, do it in front of someone but have them
stand in the back of the room. Make sure they let you know if you can't be
heard. You can even make a game of it by giving them a nerf gun (hearken
back to the '90s dot-com days) and have them shoot you when they can't hear
you.

9: Warm up
Your voice is like any other muscle in your body: You use it cold and it won't
work well. If you roll out of bed, get dressed, drink your coffee, and go give
your speech, you're going to have issues. Instead, make sure your vocal
muscles are ready to work. When you give speeches, you are speaking for
much longer periods at a time than you normally do. If you don't prepare
yourself you can wind up with a sore throat (or sounding like you just smoked
a carton). Two of the best ways to warm your voice up are by humming (single
low- to midrange tones are best or simple melodies or scales) and by doing
tongue twisters. If you need a good tongue twister to really get yourself ready
try "The big black bug bled blue-black blood." Repeat that for a while and
you'll be ready to knock 'em over!

10: Don't fill the void

How many times have you heard a speaker or interviewed someone for a job
only to turn them off because they filled the space between thoughts with
sounds or words? You know what I'm... ummmm... talking... ummmm... about.
Right? This sounds horribly unprofessional. Instead of filling your voids with
grunts, groans, and signs of weakness, fill them with thought-filled, connected
silence. Believe it or not, those pauses aren't as long as you think. And when
your audience (be it a single person or a crowd) sees that you are still
connected to them, even between thoughts, you will keep their rapt attention.

In other words, don't drift off with ummmm... errrr... uhhhh... eeeee...sounds or
words between your thoughts. Hold your listeners' attention with silence as
you continue to press forward.

What works for you?

These 10 simple tips will take your public speaking leaps and bounds beyond
where it is now. Do you have a trick that helps you before you speak or
interview for a job? If so, share it with us.

Formal meetings have a formal agenda, but many informal meetings do not. Unlike
formal meetings, participants are free to speak their minds in informal meetings.
Informal meetings have no formal requirements, while formal meetings are conducted
by a chairperson and follow an agenda.
Informal meetings can take place anywhere, such as a restaurant or a coffee shop,
while a formal meeting takes place at a pre-planned place at a particular time.