Effective Parenting in A Defective World: Book Discussion Guide

Effective Parenting in a Defective World
Book Discussion Guide
Chapter 1: How to Raise Positive Kids in a Negative World

1. How would you define parenting success?
2. What are one or two of your top goals as a parent right now? For example, I want to
teach my child one new character trait (such as obedience) every month, including
memorizing a definition and acting out scenarios where the character trait is important in
life, or I will take Josh to the father/son retreat every year, or Sarah will take care of
her own laundry by age twelve and prepare one meal a month for our family starting at
age fifteen.
3. Now try to explain your why for each item you listed under question 2. Example: If
you wrote, I will teach Jordan how to divide his allowance, giving a tenth to the church,
saving a tenth for the future, and carefully stewarding the rest toward wise purchases,
you might write, My purpose is to teach Jordan how to be a good steward and to
understand that everything belongs to God and is simply managed by us.
4. What are some positive ways your children model the example you have lived out in
front of them?
5. What are some negative ways they model your example?
6. What one positive step could you take this week to improve the way you model
Christlikeness for your child?
Chapter 2: Building Relationships That Bond
1. Look at the following eight keys to building a stronger bond with your children. Think
of one way that you can incorporate each of these keys into your relationship this week.
Eight Keys for Building Relationships That Bond
Unconditional love
Scheduled time
Focused attention
Eye contact
Ongoing communication
Meaningful touch
Fun
Prayer
2. Take some time to reflect on your parenting. Can you identify one key attitude or
behavior that, with Gods help, youd like to adjust? How might you begin to do so?
Chapter 3: How to Develop Your Childs Full Potential

1. Ask each of your children what kinds of things make him or her feel special and loved
(or what you might do to make him or her feel special and loved). What key discovery
did you make?
2. Next ask each of your children what kinds of things make him or her feel secure. Your
child may not give the right answer (When you enforce the boundaries.) But just
listen and record below any sensitivities, fears, concerns, or other issues you havent seen
before. Did you discover anything new?
3. Look at the Spiritual Formation and Mental Development chart (see page 55) and
identify the level of instruction (rules, relationship, reasons, or resolve) that correlates
with each of your childrens current ages.
Childs name: _________________
Type of instruction: ____________
Childs name: _________________
Childs name: _________________
Childs name: _________________
Childs name: _________________
4. What specific responsibilities does each of your children have in your home? for their
own room? housework? pets? meals? laundry?
5. How can you be more effective in helping them take responsibility for themselves and
their actions?
Chapter 4: Gods Process for Teaching Obedience

1. Of the five resources discussed in this chapter (doctrinal truth, personal devotions,
biblical knowledge, systematic instruction, and teachable moments), which one comes
most naturally for you as a parent?
2. Which one needs the most work?
3. Gods Word says that obedience is your childs greatest responsibility. In contrast,
what are some of the things the culture around you says about children and their
responsibilities?
4. What areas of your familys lifestyle need to change to reflect this biblical priority?
Chapter 5: How to Discipline Your Child Effectively

1. Ask your spouse and/or a good friendpeople who can be completely honest with
youto examine Reuben Hills analysis of the four styles of parenting (see page 85).
Then ask them to describe where you fit on the grid and to give some examples that
support their opinion.
2. Does your perception of your parenting line up with what your spouse/friends have
told you?
3. If you believe change in your parenting style is needed, how might you adjust your
style to best suit the emotional needs of your children?
Chapter 6: Punishment versus Discipline

1. If you are uncomfortable using biblical spanking as a form of discipline, identify the
reasons why. (Check all that apply.)
___ Lack of belief in spanking
___ Unable to manage frustration/anger and portray love/gentleness while spanking
___ Too softhearted to inflict pain on my child
___ Too difficult to spank consistently
___ Other ___________________________________________________________
Are there some instances when you would consider using spanking as a form of
discipline? For example: When my child deliberately defies me, When Jeffrey talks
back disrespectfully and intentionally, Only when I have given clear warning first.
2. In contrast, name a time when you would use another form of correction. Provide a
scenario (for example, for minor infractions); a situation (When Jeffrey forgets to
answer properly, I will correct him verbally); and a stipulation (when another
consequence is more logical, such as taking away a privilege to correct misuse of that
privilege).
Chapter 7: Words That Discipline

1. Name an uncomfortable situation you might have been able to avoid in the past month
if only you had said no firmly to one of your children.
2. In addition to being decisive, an important part of discipline is teaching your child to

own the consequences of his or her actions. One way to do this is with contracts (see
pages 122126). What is one way you could use a contract to transfer responsibility to
your child?
Chapter 8: Five Smooth Stones

1. Become a student of your child by asking a few probing questions to get to know his or
her heart.
a. First, ask your child, What are you most concerned about? Record and reflect
on his or her answers below.
b. Next ask him or her, What makes you feel afraid? Write your childs
response and your reflections below.
2. Now consider some signs that may help point to your childs vocational calling in life.
a. My childs favorite things:

b. My childs dreams:
c. My childs gifts and talents:
Chapter 9: When All Else Fails

1. Read together the following Scriptures that teach us about Gods holiness. Discuss
what they mean for us who follow Christ. Record your observations below.
Exodus 3:5-6
Isaiah 6:1-8
1 Peter 1:15-16
Revelation 4:1-11
2. Though your children should understand that you have high standards, they also should
realize that you balance those standards with extreme grace toward everyone who doesnt
meet themin other words, you should model that failure is never final. Consider the last
time one of your children really blew it. Did you demonstrate grace to him or her? How?
Is there anything you might do differently in the future?
3. Now that youve worked through this book, can you identify the one area in which you
would most like to grow as a parent? As you look to God to help, are you extending the
same grace toward yourself as He does to you? Explain.

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Effective Parenting in a Defective World

Book Discussion Guide

Chapter 1: How to Raise Positive Kids in a Negative World

5. What are some negative ways they model your example?

Chapter 2: Building Relationships That Bond

Chapter 3: How to Develop Your Childs Full Potential

Type of instruction: ____________

Childs name: _________________

Type of instruction: ____________

Childs name: _________________

Type of instruction: ____________

Childs name: _________________

Type of instruction: ____________

Childs name: _________________

Type of instruction: ____________

Chapter 4: Gods Process for Teaching Obedience

2. Which one needs the most work?

Chapter 5: How to Discipline Your Child Effectively

Chapter 6: Punishment versus Discipline

Chapter 7: Words That Discipline

2. In addition to being decisive, an important part of discipline is teaching your child to

Chapter 8: Five Smooth Stones

a. My childs favorite things:

Chapter 9: When All Else Fails

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