Everything Is Illuminated Script - Dialogue

Transcript
Voila! Finally, the Everything Is Illuminated script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of
the Liev Schreiber movie from the Jonathan Safran Foer novel. This script is a transcript that
was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Everything Is Illuminated.
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Everything Is Illuminated Script

I will be truthful and mention that before our rigid search...

...I had the opinion Jewish people were having shit between their
brains.

Primarily, this is because all I knew of Jewish people...

...was that they paid Father very much currency...
...in order to make vacations from America to Ukraine.
I was of the opinion that the past is past...
...and like all that is not now, it should remain buried...
...along the side of our memories.
But this was before the commencement of our very rigid search.
Before I encountered the collector...
...Jonathan Safran Foer.
Your grandfather wanted you to have this...
...for your collection.
Who is Augustine?
Grandma?
Where did you get that hat?
Alex gave it to me.
Take it off.
Why?
Because I told you to, that's why.
I think he looks cool.
Who asked you to speak?
Did I ask you to speak?
Did Mama ask you to speak?
Did Grandfather ask you to speak?
SHUT UP!
Don't talk to her like that!
Papa, I already have one son walking around Odessa...
...looking like a raving lunatic.
I don't need another.
But Papa...

me Alex...

My legal name is Alexander Perchov, but all of my friends dub

...because this is much more flaccid to utter.
That is Father retrieving his fist from the right side of my

face.

Father is a first-rate puncher.

This is my miniature brother, Igor.
I am tutoring him to be a man of this world.
For an example, I exhibited him a smutty magazine three days

yore.

Why is it called sixty-nine?

I explain it to him that this is because it was invented in the
year

I know this because my friend Grisha knows a friend of the

nephew of the inventor.
What did people do before
?
He is a genius, my miniature brother.
He will be made a VIP if I have a thing to do with it.
This is Grandfather. Like my father and myself, he too is
dubbed Alex.
My grandmother, Anna, died two years before of a cancer in her
brain.
Precluding this, Grandfather became very melancholy...
...and also, he says, blind.
His most recent employment was Heritage Tours...
...a business he started in
s...
...mostly for aiding rich Jewish people to search for their
dead families.
It is a strange employment for Grandfather...
...as there is nothing he hates more than rich Jewish people or
their dead families.
This is Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.
She is Grandfather's Seeing Eye bitch.
Father purchased her for him not because he believes
Grandfather is blind...
...but because a Seeing Eye bitch is also a good thing...
...for people who pine for the opposite of loneliness.
In truth, Father did not purchase her at all...
...but merely retrieved her from the home for forgetful dogs.
Because of this, she is not a real Seeing Eye bitch...
...and is also mentally deranged.
Most of all, she relishes when I sing to her her most beloved
song...
..."Billie Jean " by Michael Jackson.
But now I must tell you more of myself.
I am unequivocally tall. I do not know any women who are taller
than me.
The women who are taller than me are lesbians...
...for whom
was a very momentous year.
For me, America is a first-rate place.
KANGOL!
Most of all, I am beloved of American movies, muscular cars...
...and hip-hop music.
I also dig Negroes. Most of all, Michael Jackson.
He is a first-rate dancer, just like me.
Many girls want to be carnal with me because I'm such a premium
dancer.

Nazis.

You're taking a Jew to Lutsk this weekend.

-I can't, I have plans. -What plans?
With Grisha at Club Zephyr.
Well, now you're taking a Jew to Lutsk.
But we have VIP passes.
Papa, I need you to drive them.
Go to hell! I'm not driving anyone.
Papa, they are paying $
American.
I don't care. I'm retired. No more dead Jews.
Papa, you drive him to this place...
...show him everyone is dead and you come home.
It will be so simple.
He's looking for a woman who saved his grandfather from the
Trust me, there is no one there anymore.
She is from someplace called...
...Trachimbrod.
It's near Lutsk. They said he has a map.
His name is Jonathan S. Foer. He is a writer.
He wants to write a book about the place.
Okay, I'll go.
But Sammy goes too.
Papa, please, you know that is impossible.
She's demented!
You listen to me.
I'm supposed to be retired.
I am not supposed to be dragging rich Jews...
...all over the goddamn country.
I'm blind. BLIND! Understand?
My bitch is my eyes. I'm not going anywhere without her.
Papa, I'm not saying that I don't believe you're blind...
...but the American could have a problem with this.
No bitch, no driver.
We could make a uniform for her...
...to make her seem more official.
Are you Jonfen?
What?
Jonfen. Are you Jonfen?
It's Jonathan.
What?
My name. It's Jonathan.
Jonfen.
Are you my translator?
Yes, I'm Alexander Perchov. I'll be your humble translator.
I implore you to forgive my speaking of English, Jonfen...
...as I'm not so premium with it.
My name is Jonathan.
This is our driver. He is an expert at driving.
-Is he all right? -What?
I mean, you know, is he healthy?
Of course. He's my grandfather.
Please, do not be distressed. This is only driver's Seeing Eye

bitch.

Okay, she's deranged, but so, so playful.

Wait, he's blind?
No, only he thinks this. Please, do not be distressed.
Grandfather!

Grandfather, I've got Jonfen. We should go to Lutsk.

Yes?
Are you sure he's okay?
-Grandfather! -Shut up!
I'm blind, not deaf. I heard you the first time!
What does he say?
He says, "Okey-dokey, we will go now. "
-Where will the dog be? -What do you mean?
I have a phobia.
A fear.
I'm distressed by dogs.
He is afraid of dogs.
Bullshit, no one is afraid of dogs.
Grandfather informs me this is not possible.
What?
Get in the car.
The bitch and the Jew will share the back seat.
It is big enough for both of them.
No, wait. Wait. You don't understand.
I have a very serious, serious problem with dogs.
I can't sit in there. YouWere you able to manufacture the:
-What? -The Z's.
Were you able to make the:
-I don't understand. -Repose.
Did you repose?
Yeah, I reposed.
Good. Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. is also in repose.
-Why do you call her that? -What?
Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.
Because Sammy Davis Jr. was Grandfather's most beloved singer.
You know, The Candy Man. The Negro from the Rat Pack.
-And a Jew. -What?
Yeah, he was a Jew. You didn't know that?
Grandfather, the Jew says that Sammy Davis Jr. is Jewish.
The bitch?
Not Jr. Jr., Jr. the singer.
That's bullshit!
Grandfather informs me that this is not possible.
Of course it is. He converted. He's the most famous black Jew in
America.

are a writer?

-Please tell me, is the Shaq also the Jew? -Who?

-Shaquille O'Neal, the Los Angeles Laker. -No.
-And Michael Jackson? -No, definitely not a Jew.
Father informs me you are writing a book about this trip. You
No.
Then what is this?
It's a catalog.
Catalog.
Catalog.
I don't know why they told you that.
I'm not a writer.
I mean, I write, but I'm more of...
...a collector, really.
And what do you collect?
Things.

to do.

Family things.
It is a good career, yes?
No, it's not a career. It's just something I do.
Why?
I don't know. Why does anybody do anything? It's just something
I understand.
I also enjoy writing...
...but I truly feel I was born to be accountant.
Are we close?
The Jew wants to know if we are close.
Tell him to shut the hell up!
Grandfather says we're very proximal.
He says it will not be long until we get to the superway to

Lutsk.

countryside.

And from there?

How long from here to Lutsk?
Perhaps you would like me to stop the car...
...and you two can fuck yourselves to Lutsk!
What did he say?
Grandfather says you should look out the window at the premium
-Are you hungry? -Yes.
-I just hope they have something I can eat. -What do you mean?
I'm a vegetarian.
You're a what?
I don't eat meat.
How can you not eat meat?
I just don't.
He says he does not eat meat.
What?
-No meat? -No meat.
-Steak? -No.
-Chickens? -No.
And what about the sausage?
No, no sausage. No meat.
He says he does not eat any meat.
Not even sausage?
I know.
What is wrong with him?
What is wrong with you?
Nothing. I just don't eat meat.
Hello.
Excuse me, do you have anything without meat?
Why?
Our friend here is AmericanI can see that.
Yes, of course, but he does not eat meat.
What is wrong with him?
What did she say?
She says they do not have anything without meat.
Don't they have potatoes or something?
Potatoes?
You only get potato with the meat.
The potatoes come only with the meat.
But can't I have a potato on a plate by itself?
Please, this American is deranged.

Would it be possible to have a potato without the meat?

Welcome to Ukraine.
-And these are your family? -Yeah.
My grandmother gave me this.
That's my grandfather, Safran. It was taken during the war.
It's you.
I've heard that.
-And this is Augustine? -Yeah.
My mother said that he never would have made it to America if it
weren't for her.
And she's from Trachimbrod?
Or somewhere near there.
This is Kolki. My grandmother's shtetl.
"Shtetl"?
It's a village.
It's Yiddish, it means "village. " It doesn't seem to be far
from Trachimbrod.
That's why I was thinking it might be called Sofiewka now.
Why do you make such a rigid search?
I guess I just wanted to see where my grandfather grew up...
...where I would be now if he hadn't come to America.
You would be Ukrainian, like me.
Only not like me, because you would be a farmer from some
unimpressive town...
-... and I am from Odessa. -I see.
And did your grandparents ever return to Ukraine?
God, no. My grandmother would go crazy if she knew I was here.
Why?
She didn't think it was safe.
She said that before the war, Ukraine was just as bad as Berlin.
Jews weren't exactly popular in Ukraine.
When the Nazis invaded, she actually thought it would be an
improvement.
Who told you this?
My grandmother.
Why did she say this?
I don't know. It's just how she felt.
Grandfather...
...he says Ukrainians were anti-Semitic before the war.
Is it true?
Grandfather?
It's nice.
Really, it's just for sleeping.
-Jonfen? -Yeah.
You were very proximal with your grandfather, yes?
Yeah. Why?
Tomorrow we will make a search.
Good night.
Good night.
Make sure to secure the door when I am gone.
I do not want to make you petrified person...
...but there are many dangerous people who want to take things
from Americans...
...and also kidnap them. Okay?
Okay.
Good night.
Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.

Come on, let's go.

He seems like a good person.
Yes, he does.
We should try to help him.
How?
We should try to find her.
Who?
Augustine.
-What is it? -Soviets.
What happened?
Independence.
Look.
We are looking for Trachimbrod.
Do you know it?
You heard of Trachimbrod?
Never heard of it!
Come here, please!
Come here!
It's a small village...
...Trachimbrod.
Mention the other names to him. Perhaps one will sound informal.
Kovel', Kivertsy, Sokirentsy.
Maybe Kolki?
Yes, yes.
Could you direct us to them?
Of course. They are not so far.
Go north on the superway.
Keep going north...
...until you see wheat fields...
...then head east through the farmlands.
Thank you.
Here. Thank you.
-What is he doing? -What is he doing?
-What are you doing? -For helping us.
-What? -I read in my guidebook...
...you can't find Marlboro cigarettes here...
...so you should take them everywhere as tips.
He doesn't eat meat.
Thank you.
What is "tips"?
Tips are something you give someone in exchange for help.
You are informed you will be paying for this trip with currency,
yes?
the valet.

America?

accountants?

No, not like that. Tips are for small things, like directions or
-Valet? -You know, the guy who parks your car.
Why do you not park your own car?
How much currency would a first-rate accountant receive in
I don't know. A lot, probably, if he or she is good.
She?
Or he.
Are there Negro accountants?
Yes, there are African-American accountants...
-... but you don't want to use that word. -And homosexual

men.

There are homosexual everythings. There are homosexual garbage

And how much currency would Negro homosexual accountant receive?
You shouldn't use that word.
-Which word? -The N-word.
-It's not the N-word, but- -Negro?
Yeah, that one.
But I dig them all the way. They are premium people.
It's that word, though. You're not supposed to use that word.
What is wrong with the Negroes?
-Are you carnal very often? -What?
With American girls, you make sex often?
Not really. Do you?
I inquired headmost. Do you?
Not really.
What do you intend by "not really"?
I'm not a priest, but I'm not John Holmes, either.
I've heard of this John Holmes. With a premium penis.
Yeah, that's the one.
In the Ukraine, everybody has a penis like that.
What about the women?
You make a joke, no?
Yeah.
Come, Zlata, come.
Do you have any chewing gum?
Do you know where Trachimbrod is?
What's in Trachimbrod?
Nothing, it's just a place we are trying to find.
If there's nothing there, why are you trying to find it?
Why do you ask stupid questions?
Where are we?
I don't know.
Ask the Jew.
-Where are we? -I'm not sure.
He doesn't know.
What do you mean, he doesn't know? We're driving! How can he not

know!
names.

-What do you mean, you don't know? -None of the roads have
I thought you were a certified guide.
Grandfather is certified.
-Please, you're making this impossible. -Shut up!
This is pointless! We don't know where we are.
"Shut up" means shut up!
Grandfather, we should stop.
What are you doing?
Maybe we should stop and ask someone.
Go and ask them.
Leave the Jew here.
I'm not a moron, you know.
I know what that word means.
What word?
It's Russian for "Jew," isn't it?
Wait! I'm coming too.
-What are you doing? -I'm coming with you.
-You should not do this. -Why not? I can help.
You cannot help. You cannot even speak.

It is bad enough that I am from Odessa.

I won't speak. I promise, I won't say a word.
Excuse me, could you tell me, do you know where Trachimbrod is?
Never heard of it.
Thank you.
Wait! What are you doing?
They do not know.
What about Sofiewka? Did you ask them about Sofiewka?
I'm sorry, I forgot, it's also called Sofiewka.
What do you want? I told you I never heard of it!
What's your problem, huh?
Maybe you've seen this woman?
What are you doing?
We are trying to find the town of Trachimbrod.
I told you, we don't know.
Do you want a Marlboro cigarette?
Get lost! Go back to Kiev!
I'm not from Kiev, I'm from Odessa.
Then go back to Odessa!
-What did they say? -Nothing.
They said nothing.
Hey, Odessa! You forgot your dog!
Sammy Davis Jr. Jr., come here!
Hey! Don't do that!
Why were you speaking English?
I commanded you not to speak! You understanded me, yes?
-Yes. -Then why did you speak?
-I don't know. -Now they all think...
...I'm stupid American tourist, like you!
-I'm sorry. -Why do you not listen?
This is not your country!
You little piece of shit!
Don't you put your filthy hands on her!
If you ever hit her again...
...I swear to God, I'll cut your hands off!
Do you understand, you piece of shit?
Grandfather?
Grandfather?
What are you doing?
We're out of gas.
Jonfen?
Yeah?
Do you think my grandfather is...?
What?
Distressed?
What do you mean?
What do you mean, what do I mean? I do not mean anything.
If I meant to say something else, I would say something else.
Something is not right.
It is as if he's dreaming all of the time...
...even when he is not in repose.
Why don't you ask him.
No. That is impossible.
You found gas?
Alex, get up, it's time to go.
What time is it?
He found gas.

It's beautiful.
Tell him this is the most fertile land in Eastern Europe.
Grandfather wishes me to tell you...
...that this is the most premium land for farming.
It's so green.
Before the war, this was the most beautiful place in the world.
You were here before the war?
Tell him about Odessa.
Tell him that the sand on the beaches is more soft than a
woman's hair...
...and that Odessa is the perfect place...
...to fall in love and start a family.
There.
Ask there.
I'm sorry to bother you.
How could anything bother me on such a day?
Where are you from?
Odessa.
I have never been to Odessa.
You should go there.
Have you ever heard of a town called Trachimbrod?
I was told that I should ask here.
Please, I don't want to trouble you...
...but have you heard of Trachimbrod?
I am sorry I bothered you.
Have you ever seen anyone in this photograph?
Have you ever seen anyone in this photograph?
Have you ever seen anyone in this photograph?
I have been waiting so long.
We are searching for Trachimbrod.
You are here.
I am it.
Weddings and Other Celebrations
Silver, Pinwheels, Perfume
Journals, Sketchbooks, Underwear
Death of the First Born
Wooden Toys
Figurines, Spectacles
Menorah
Dust
Are you hungry?
I can cook you something.
Please don't make any effort.
It is nothing, but I must tell you...
...I don't have any meat.
What?
Thank you, but we are not hungry.
It has been so long since I have had any visitors.
Do you live alone here?
You have someone?
I have all of them.
What did she say?
I'm not so sure.
What are they?
They are Trachimbrod.
She says they are Trachimbrod.
In Case

This is my sister's wedding ring.

'Tis a wedding ring.
She hid it in a jar and put it in the ground.
I knew this because she told me.
Many people did this.
The ground by the river is still filled with precious things:
Rings, money, pictures, Jewish things.
I was only able to find a few of them...
...but they fill the earth.
She's also a collector.
Does she remember my grandfather?
Do you remember his grandfather?
Who is his grandfather?
The man in the photo.
Safran.
Yes.
Safran.
My family, they...
In case I...
My family wanted you to have this.
For everything that you did.
What is this?
Money. For what you have done for them.
What have I done for them?
Safran was his grandfather.
No.
He means Augustine.
That is Augustine, that is Mama, that is me.
This is Safran, Augustine and me.
Mama was so fond of Safran, he was so polite.
He would tell her she was pretty...
...when in truth she was not so pretty.
I was older, so Mama thought he should marry me instead.
But he was in love.
She says your grandfather was in love with Augustine.
They were married on her name day.
When we were kids, my sister, Safran and I...
...played kissing games behind the trees.
I can still remember how I felt.
It was a little like flying.
Tell him.
She remembers kissing your grandfather...
...and she flew a little.
What is your name?
This is Baruch...
...in front of the library.
He used to sit there all day long.
He took out more books than anyone in the shtetl...
...and he could not even read!
He said he liked to think about the books...
...think about them without reading them.
He would always walk around with a book under his arm.
"Nonsense!" Mama would say.
They said he was insane.
We had this in common.
Leave us.
Leave us alone.

war...

outside...

Jonfen, what you said at the hotel about Ukrainians before the
Yeah?
Do you think it's possible that my grandfather, he...
Your shirt's inside out.
What?
Your shirt, it's inside out.
What does it mean, "inside out"?
Nothing, it's just that the inside of your shirt is on the
...and the outside is on...
Forget it.
Why do you do this?
Maybe sometimes I'm afraid I'll forget.
Jonfen, I want you to know, my grandfather...
...he's a good person.
We're going.
We're going to Trachimbrod.
To the river.
She's agreed to take us there.
What's the matter?
I have never been in one of those.
She's never been in a car before.
Well, tell her they're safe now. She shouldn't be scared.
Please, don't be scared. Cars are totally safe now.
They even have air bags, crumple zones.
Maybe not this one...
...but most!
Sammy, sit.
Please, you have nothing to fear.
I cannot.
This is it.
What is this?
This is Trachimbrod.
We are here.
This monument stands in memory of the
Trachimbroders...
...killed at the hands of German fascism on March
.
This is all that is left. They destroyed everything.
Only a few were able to get out before they came.
You were lucky to survive.
They put us in lines.
Made lists.
It was all very logical.
They burned the synagogue.
What is she saying?
That was the first thing they did.
They burned the synagogue.
Then they unrolled a Torah on the ground and told the men to

spit on it.
it.

They unrolled something on the ground and told them to spit on

My father would make us kiss any book that touched the ground.
Cooking books. Books for children, plays, even journals...
...and this was our Torah...
It was their Torah.
...that had been in our synagogue...
...since the first rabbi brought it here
years before.

not spit.

First was Yosef.

First man was Yosef.
He was a shoemaker.
They held a gun to his daughter's head...
...and commanded him to spit.
And told him to spit on the Torah.
He spit. They all spit.
And tore and kicked and whatever else they were told to do.
Except...
...my father.
They all spit.
Except her father.
And then...
...my sister.
Augustine.
She was pregnant.
She was pregnant.
They put the gun to her pregnant belly.
They said they would kill the baby inside her if my father did

He could not.
He would not spit.
Her father would not spit.
He did not spit.
I made one for you.
They're from the riverbank.
The Brod.
Trachimbrod.
And where was his grandfather?
Safran was gone before they came.
He was gone before they came.
Where?
He left for America...
...to find a home for Augustine and the baby...
...one week before they came.
He went to America to find a place for them, and she was
killed a week later.
Please tell her there's something I want to give her.
I think it was her sister's.
Yes, it was.
One moment, please.
For you.
I can't.
He says he cannot.
But he must...
...he is a collector.
She says you must take it. You're the collector.
In Case
I didn't understand why my sister hid her wedding ring in a
jar...
...and why she said to me, "In case. "
In case what?
In case she was killed.
Yes, and then what? Why did she bury it?
I do not know.
Ask him.
She wants to know why Augustine buried her wedding ring...

life.

himself.

...when she thought she would be killed.

So there'd be proof that she existed?
To remember her.
No. I don't think so.
In case...
In case someone should come searching one day.
So they would have something to find.
No, it does not exist for you.
You exist for it.
You have come because it exists.
She says the ring is not here because of us.
We are here because of the ring.
Alex, tell her...
Thank you.
May I ask you a question?
Yes, of course.
Is the war over?
Yes.
It is over.
Grandfather?
Look, there's something I want you to have.
It was my grandfather's.
It was nice knowing you, Sammy.
Jonathan!
I have reflected many times upon our rigid search.
It has shown me...
...that everything is illuminated in the light of the past.
It is always along the side of us...
...on the inside, looking out.
Like you say, inside out.
Jonfen, in this way, I will always be along the side of your
And you will always be along the side of mine.
Our families will be with us, and our families' families.
Your grandfather.
And perhaps, in some way, my grandfather as well.
It is possible I will never know why Grandfather did this to
Perhaps he wished to bury his life...
...along the side of his past.
But I must tell you, Jonfen...
...in this moment, he seemed, as if for the first time in his

life...

...contented to be where he was.

Jonfen, I am sending you this...
...because we have shared something to exist for.
And, of course, in case anyone comes searching.
Alexander Baruch Perchov
Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.!

Special help by SergeiK