Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence
Chapter
2
Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence
motional intelligence has four domains or core skills: selfawareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. The first two skills, self-awareness and self-management, are
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What Is Self-Awareness?
Self-awareness is the ability to understand who you are. What are your tendencies; what are your emotional reactions to certain circumstances? What type of
people upset you? Which challenges energize you, and which intimidate you?
What are you afraid of? The potential number of things you can learn about
yourself is unlimited, as experience reveals unfathomed aspects of yourself.
The level of self-awareness that is appropriate does not require plumbing the
inner depths of your soul and subconscious. Instead, ask yourself in an objective way: Do you understand how you operate in the world? Self-awareness is
the foundation on which other aspects of emotional intelligence are built.
What Is Self-Management?
Self-management is what you do, or do not do, that is appropriate to the
context. Context is key. Behaviors appropriate to a student graduation party
are ill-advised at a company Christmas party. Self-management requires
monitoring your behaviors in specific, discrete circumstances as well as your
entrenched tendencies. Self-management requires sublimating your immediate emotional needs for your longer term success. It is difficult to react
appropriately in all circumstances; often you will get it wrong. Effective selfmanagement requires self-correction, the quicker the better. A self-managed
person is the CEO of the self.
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Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. He
used the stigma of this public humiliation to fuel the anger that
drove his quest for basketball perfection and success.
Your 10-year-old son comes home with his first F grade on a paper.
Rather than lashing out in anger or disappointment, you try to
understand his embarrassment and shame. Although not condoning
his actions, you discuss the reason for the performance and how to
improve while conveying you still love him.
You witness a large man abusing his 9-year-old daughter in public.
You use the anger invoked by this injustice to intervene to protect
the child without escalating your response to a personal attack on
the abusive father.
Having graduated 3 years ago with his Doctor of Pharmacy degree, nothing but good things had happened for RPG. He secured precisely the job
he wanted in a major healthcare setting. Each year his responsibilities have
increased. His performance has been exemplary on all counts. Coming in
to work today, RPG discovered that the technician responsible for mailing
IV medications from his department made a mistake in switching mailing
labels on two separate orders. Consequently, two patients would receive
their medications late. To correct this oversight, both orders had to be
reconstituted and delivered overnight at considerable expense. The original orders had to be picked up and destroyed because it was not clear that
the required storage conditions had been met. RPG was steaming; he was
frightened. His natural inclination was to burst into the department and
start yelling, not only at the responsible technician, but at all the staff. In his
mind, RPG thought there was no place for subtlety when peoples lives were
in the balance.
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EXERCISES
Ask yourself the following questions, assigning a rating from poor to good.
If possible, ask someone else close to you to answer the questions on your
behalf. That external perspective will help prevent self-reporting bias. Rate
yourself from 1 to 10 on these points, with 1 being poor and 10 being good.
1. How good are you at understanding others from their perspective?
_____
2. How sensitive are you about the feelings of others? _____
3. Do you easily make friends? _____
4. Are you willing to express your emotions to others? _____
5. Are you good at solving conflicts? _____
If you (and others) consistently rate you on the high end of the scale,
youre lucky: it sounds as if you have a high EQ. If not, you should put some
effort into the further development of this crucial part of human functioning.
Source: Kets de Vries, M. (2001). The leadership mystique. London: Pearson Education.
Emotional Type
The Intellectual
Intellectuals live in their head. They are cerebral. The world is seen througha
rational filter. Intellectuals are at risk of being cut off from theiremotions. To
determine if you are an intellectual, consider the following:
Exercises
Do I believe that I can think my way through to any solution?
When presented with a problem, do I immediately start analyzing the
pros and cons rather than noticing how I feel?
Am I uncomfortable when people get highly emotional?
Do I tend to get overly serious?
Do I distrust decisions made by the gut?
Do I prefer planning to being spontaneous?
The Empath
Empaths feel everything. They have a finely tuned antenna for emotions. For
the empath, intuition is the filter for their world. To determine if you might
be an empath, consider the following.
Have I been labeled as too emotional or overly sensitive?
If a friend is distraught, do I feel it too?
Are my feelings easily hurt?
Am I emotionally drained by crowds and require time alone to revive?
Do my nerves get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talk?
Do I prefer taking my own car places so that I can leave when I please?
Do I overeat to cope with emotional stress?
Am I afraid of becoming engulfed by intimate relationships?
The Rock
Rocks are emotionally strong. They are practical. They are cool. They care
about your pain but maintain their boundary. They like life on an even
keel but will deal with lifes problems. Rocks internalize their emotions. To
determine if you are a rock, consider the following:
Is it easier to listen than to share my feelings?
Do I often feel like the most dependable person in the room?
Do people tend to come to me with their troubles?
Am I able to stay calm when others are upset?
Would I rather avoid introspection?
Am I generally satisfied with the status quo in relationships but o
thers
are often trying to draw me out emotionally?
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The Gusher
Gushers are the opposite of rocks; they are intimately in tune with their
emotions and want to share them. They tend to be spontaneous and authentic. Gushers unload stress by verbalizing it. To determine if you are a gusher,
consider the following:
Is it easy for me to express my emotions?
Do I get anxious if I keep my feelings in?
When a problem arises, is my first impulse to pick up the phone?
Do I need to take a poll before finalizing a decision?
Are my friends often telling me, Too much information?
Do I have difficulty sensing other peoples emotional boundaries?
Source: Adapted from Orloff, J. (2009). Emotional freedom. New York, NY: Harmony.
Exercises
Based on their public behavior, appearances, and pronouncements, rate their
emotional intelligence. Does anyone come to mind that you would rate highly
on emotional intelligence? Is there anyone you would rate deficient in emotional intelligence?
The Dinner
You and your fiance planned a romantic weekend together to celebrate
the end of the semester. The only thing left to do before moving and taking
the job you want is graduation. The night before leaving you want to go out
for d
inner. There is considerable disagreement over the restaurant choice.
Following a lengthy discussion, you agree to the restaurant your fiance
prefers. U
nfortunately, the food, the service, and the ambience are terrible. As
you pay the rather expensive bill, you are fuming at the waste of money. What
do you advise?
The Grade
You always felt that your preceptor didnt really like you. You are not sure
why, but others noticed that the preceptor seemed aloof with you, whereas
with other students she was warm and giving. You just received your first
evaluation from the preceptor. You were graded as deficient on everything.
Even though you had some difficulties, and came to one presentation ill prepared, it was not likely you would be inadequate on all dimensions. You know
for a fact that the other clinical staff enjoyed working with you. This evaluation was personally hurtful, the first time something like this has happened
to you. It was a stress you did not need. You just found out your mother was
going in for tests following a course of treatment for breast cancer. What do
you advise?
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The Advice
Pharmacy school has been a struggle for younot because of intellectual deficiencies, but because much of your time was spent on school and
national organizations. You served as president of your class, your sorority, and several campus-wide initiatives. You really loved these activities.
You took to heart the recommendation that job prospects are enhanced by
demonstrating your commitment to the profession and your organizational
skills. As a result of these time commitments, you now find yourself in front
of the student standing committee petitioning for readmission to the program following your third deficiency. The committee says they will consider
reinstatement if you will drop all extracurricular activities and concentrate
on academics. You still believe you can do both, it will just take a small
adjustment in your time. What do you advise?
With several of your classmates discuss the idea/ideas most likely to effect
a change in your values, attitudes, or behaviors. Be succinctno more than
two sentences.
References
Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2009). Emotional intelligence 2.0. San Diego,
CA: Talent Smart.
Kets de Vries, M. (2001). The leadership mystique. London: Pearson
Education.
Orloff, J. (2009). Emotional freedom. New York, NY: Harmony.
Suggested Readings
Suggested Readings
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