COMFORT

Contents
Introduction ............................................................................ 4
Chapter 1 Pre-selection...................................................... 11
Chapter 2 - Starting the conversation ................................... 22
Observation....................................................................... 24
Approach ........................................................................... 35
Touch................................................................................. 42
Lines .................................................................................. 47
Explanation ....................................................................... 61
Shaking Hands, Swapping names...................................... 66
Chapter 3 Transitions ......................................................... 72
The Accent ........................................................................ 75
The Occasion ..................................................................... 78
The Introduction ............................................................... 82
The Opinion....................................................................... 83
Chapter 4 - Commonalities ................................................... 89

Location Career Hobbies ............................................. 94

Chapter 5 - Getting her to Invest ........................................ 106
Chapter 6 - Finding New Topics .......................................... 125
Chapter 7 - Adding Value .................................................... 132
Chapter 8 The close.......................................................... 156
The Networking Close ..................................................... 157
Place of Interest .............................................................. 167
The Party Close ............................................................... 169
Chapter 9 Flakes ............................................................... 182
Conclusion ........................................................................... 193

Introduction
If youve ever wondered how you could get almost
anybody that you meet to want to spend time with you,
to like you, to want to be your friend, and to genuinely
enjoy your company and be somebody that they want to
make part of their life within only a few minutes of
meeting you then youre in the right place.
My name is Adam Lyons, and Ive been a dating coach
for going on eight years now, travelling around the world
teaching people how to improve their skill set with
members of the opposite sex. But one of the most
frequent questions that people always ask me is, How
do you yourself make so many friends so quickly? You
see, I went from pretty much being a nobody as a dating
coach in Central London, and within a few years I ended
4

up knowing almost all of the major dating experts around

the world.

Whenever I go out and meet new people, Im always

getting comments like, Wow, youre such a friendly guy.
How is it that youre so friendly? How do you get along
with so many people so well? Up until now, Ive never
really put everything down in one complete concise place,
and I figure what better place to do that than in a
program specifically about how to make people feel
comfortable with you?

Now right at the beginning here, I want to state very

clearly that this program is not actually about how to get
people to be attracted to you. We cover that topic in our

other programs such as the Breaking Rapport Program,

the Qualification Program, etc. This particular program is
about how to get people to like you. Some people are
going to think well, why would I want people to like me?
I just want them to be attracted to me. However, liking is
the foundation, the bedrock of getting people to become
attracted to you.

Think of it like building a really fancy house that looks

incredibly impressive and imposing. If you dont have it
on a solid foundation and youve made the mistake of
building it somewhere where theres a swampland, youll
soon find that your pretty house ends up sinking
incredibly quickly. And that is exactly whats going to
happen to you in the social swim if you concentrate

specifically on just building attraction and dont have that

solid foundation of comfort where somebody actually
enjoys your company and wants to be with you.

You can have all these fancy little gimmicks and tricks
that make somebody think, Wow, this guys so much
fun; hes really attractive, I really want to be with him,
but then the next morning when they wake up and have
to have breakfast with you, or when they want to
introduce you to their parents, or when they want you to
meet them at work for lunch, youve got to back up that
attraction with a solid foundation for getting people to
actually like you.

Now of course, getting people to like you has a broader

scope than attraction itself. You can use this skill to
make friends with whom you can network within your
business. You can also use it to get in with a girl or a
guy if thats what youre using this for to get in with
their family, in with their group of friends, and get them
all to like you. Youd be surprised that when youre
having a bit of turmoil in your relationship, how having
your partners friends stick up for you can sometimes
play a major role in fixing your relationship. I can tell
you now that thats something I definitely went through
in my own relationship when my wife and I had some
difficulties between us. It was the fact that her friends
liked me and supported me that helped us through some
of these situations.

Now of course, all this doesnt mean that absolutely

everybodys going to like you, and of course, no
psychological techniques that you employ are going to
have a 100% success rate. However, to the best of my
knowledge, this skill set that Im going to teach you is by
far the best way to go about getting as many people to
like you as possible. I personally use these techniques to
generate the level of comfort and friendship that I do
with people that I meet every day.
Im going to teach you as best I can the best way to
approach somebody, to start a conversation, and to very
quickly build a certain amount of rapport between the
two of you so that the other person feels that you really
are somebody that they want to have in their life as a

friend. And from that solid foundation, you can then use
some of the other programs and techniques available at
www.attractionexplained.com to generate attraction, and
change that nice, friendly relationship into something
more if thats what you really want to do.

10

Chapter 1 Pre-selection
The first technique, the most important thing Im going to
teach you, the crucial factor that really underlies
absolutely everything in attraction, is Pre-selection. Preselection is the concept that if somebody is already
attracted to you, then other people cant help but to find
attractive. In psychology its one of the most powerful
triggers of attraction, and psychologists all around the
world have proven this time and time again.
There was actually a great study that was done by
Benedict Jones in 2006 where they showed the subjects
of the study, who were females, pictures of various guys,
some alone, others in the company of girls. They noticed

11

that when the girls were asked to rate each guy on a

scale of 1 to 10 on how attractive he was, the girls would
always rate him higher if
there were girls looking at
him and smiling at him.
Another study (one of my
favorite ones) is when they

Dont
underestimate the
value of preselection in
building comfort.
Its the difference
between being
desperate and
having options.

take a picture of a guy and

they say to the women, On the scale of 1 to 10, how
attractive is this guy? The same picture is then shown to
another group of girls who are asked, On a scale of 1 to
10, how attractive is this married guy? The men are
almost always given scores that are a lot higher when the
girls find out that hes already taken.

12

The point is that the pre-selection tree is an incredibly

powerful way to generate attraction. But what a lot of
people dont realize is that its also a great way of
generating comfort. Imagine this scenario: A lone guy
walks into a bar looking to meet some women. As he
wanders around, every girl in the bar can see that hes
available and that hes looking at girls. And every girl he
speaks to knows that
hes attempting to
attract her. Now,
sometimes that can
work in his favor if hes
ridiculously good-looking, or if hes got exceptional
conversational skills; the girls going to observe this guy
going around talking to all the other girls and that the

13

other girls are laughing and enjoying his company; Thats

actually going to build him up some pre-selection.

But what if that isnt the case? What if things arent really
working out for that guy? What if hes not 100% perfect?
What if the girls in the venue that he speaks to are just
not the friendliest girls hes ever met? Suddenly he finds
that things arent going well, and he can end up
generating negative pre-selection, i.e., the girls in the bar
arent finding him attractive, so other girls in the bar
dont want to talk to him because theyve already seen
him get rejected by a number of other girls.

14

One of the best ways to utilize pre-selection to build

comfort is to actually walk into a bar with some girls. By
going into a venue already accompanied by women, you
dont look single and desperate. Usually when a guy is
with a group

of girls, everyone

assumes

that the guy is

dating at

least one of the

girls,

therefore other

women in

the venue dont

see him as a

threat. They

actually feel very comfortable in his presence. If youre

that guy, you can go up to them, talk to them with the
other girls around you, and have a conversation.

15

Youll find that the women arent going to reject you,

theyre not going to try and get rid of you; theyre not
going to push you away, because they feel comfortable.
Theyre thinking, Oh, this guys already got a girl. Its
okay to talk to him. Then during the conversation, theyll
find out that youre not actually dating any of these girls.
Theyre friends of yours, or maybe family members.
Were going to talk about the different ways of building
that up in a second.
So now the girl youre interested in feels comfortable.
Shes thinking, Oh, okay, Ive met this guy already, Ive
spoken to him, and hes nice. And contrary to what I
thought, hes also available wow! and then she can
start feeling attraction for you, or you can start building
attraction or however you want to go about doing it.

16

The point is that pre-selection is incredibly powerful in

building comfort because she doesnt feel threatened. If a
lion is already eating its meat, then the other deer dont
have to worry about it so much. Hes already got his
food; hes not going to come after anybody else just yet.
Its the same kind of thing. If youve already got some
girls around you, the other women dont feel as
threatened. But the question is, how can you very
quickly build up pre-selection? Well, there are two simple
ways of doing it. The first way is you can use preselection that you already have in your life. You can
potentially contact some female friends of yours and say,
Hey, do you want to go down to the bar? Take them
out, go for a night on the town, and while youre out with

17

them you can start meeting other girls. You can even
potentially recruit them to help you out. Youd be
surprised how many girls are down for helping out with
things like that an alternate way of doing it is to contact
some friends and family members and do it that way.
Worst case
scenario, you
can maybe
go out with
some friends
from work. You could organize after work drinks or
something. However, another way of doing it is to
actually use the techniques within this program to make
female friends specifically to make female friends that

18

you can out with and hang out with as a form of preselection.

Now, if you get on well with these girls you could

potentially turn that into a relationship if you want, but if
you dont want to, you could just keep them as friends in
your life. These will be girls that will hang out with you,
interact with you; theyre not connected to your family,
theyre not connected to your social circle, theyre not
connected to your work, so you dont have to worry
about any repercussions backfiring in your life outside the
dating arena. But as an added benefit, this means you
can be a little bit crazy. When youre with them you can
drink a little bit more if thats what you want to do, you
could have a different type of personality than you would

19

have at work; maybe youre a bit more gregarious or

unreserved and it would be totally acceptable because
these girls dont really know you in any other setting.

Youre essentially using this entire program to make

female friends that give you pre-selection, which you can
then use for comfort, to go back through the entire
program to make more friends or make friends that turn
into relationships, or you can use it to generate
attraction. You can also use pre-selection to create
jealousy plot lines between girls and have them
competing for you, or even just to show that you have a
whole bunch of women that are naturally attracted to you
and want to be with you.

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The point I want to make here is that pre-selection is an

incredibly powerful tool. And when people ask me how I
get it, Id say one of the best ways is to just befriend
girls - and everything that youre going to be learning this
book will teach you exactly how to do just that.

21

Chapter 2 - Starting the conversation

The first part of building comfort with somebody is the

fact that you have to actually go up to them and start a
conversation. And this is really the part where a lot of
people struggle. They dont know how to start a
conversation, how to get is started or make it happen.
Im going to teach you a basic process and a very simple
method of remembering some key steps to make a
successful approach. I wont
be giving you specific lines to
use; Instead, Im going to
give you examples and a
simple format to create your
own. Within this program, youll also have access to a
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whole bunch of example lines if thats what youre

looking for, and feel free to use those if you feel they can
work for you. However, its always better to create your
own lines and come up with things that are a little bit
more natural, things you feel more comfortable using.
The point is, each of these lines that I give you, or even
ones that you find elsewhere on the web or maybe even
learned from your friends, you can just put into this nice
simple format that will help you remember exactly how to
go about approaching and how to start a conversation
with somebody very, very quickly and very, very easily.
This process is simply remembered by one word:
OATLESS. Its just a simple way for remembering the
exact format of how you should go about approaching
somebody and starting a conversation.

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The first step is the O, which stands for Observe. The A

is for Approach, T is for Touch, L is for Line, as in
the line youre going to deliver, E is the Explanation of
that line (which well cover in a second) and the two Ss
at the end are to Shake hands and Swap names.

Observation
Lets start with the first step, which is Observe. Let me
say this right at the beginning so
that we get it out of the way: If you
see someone youre attracted to, you
should always approach. Theres no
reason not to. If you see somebody and you think, Wow,
that persons incredibly beautiful, I want to talk to them,
then approach. Dont worry about whether its going to
work or not, or whether your observational skills have told
24

you one thing or another. It doesnt matter. If youre

attracted to somebody, you should approach. However,
having said that, it can be incredibly powerful to observe
somebody for bit before you approach them.
Observing allows you to learn a lot of great information
that can help you start the conversation. If youre in a
situation where you see two different girls that youd like
to approach, it can be beneficial to observe the two, and
maybe go for the one where you will have a higher
success rate.
But again, let me make this very clear. Observing should
never be used as an excuse not to approach. Never use it
as an excuse to hesitate so much that you cant
approach. Observing is a powerful skill set, providing it
doesnt become a barrier to starting a conversation.
25

What do I look for when Im observing? The key thing to

look for is people that I feel are going to be a little bit
easier to talk to. Im going to give you three scenarios.
In the first, imagine that youve got an incredibly
beautiful girl all on her own. Then imagine that youve
got two girls
deep in
conversation
with each
other. In the
third scenario,

Why not take the time to

make your life easier
if you can?
Look for wedding rings, the
speed theyre moving,
whether
theyre looking around or
focused on what theyre
doing.

youve got two girls with a really big, scary-looking guy.

Now imagine that you had to figure out which of those
three you wanted to talk to. If I did a show of hands in a
seminar room where I do my teaching, Id probably find

26

that most people want to talk to the girl who was on her
own.
Most people would not want to talk to the two girls with
the big scary guy for fear of the guy getting aggressive,
but in reality thats probably the best scenario to
approach and the least likely one to have any hostility.
Sound crazy? Bear with me; it will all make sense.
The reason the two girls and a big scary guy is the best
set of people to approach is because you can talk to the
big scary guy. And if you talk to the big scary guy before
you talk to his girls, hes likely to be nice to you. You can
talk about sports, you can talk about video games, or you
can talk about whats going on in the bar. You can talk
about the food and whether its any good. The point is,
its a lot easier to talk to a guy, because youve been
27

talking to guys your entire life and you know exactly what
you can talk to them about.
Once the guy likes you and thinks youre cool, you can
direct your attention to two girls with him. All you have
to do is figure out which one is his, and the other one is
yours. Youve just got yourself an instant wingman. Hes
going to talk to his girl and you can talk to your girl
problem solved. Its actually an incredibly easy way to go
about talking to people. Youll typically find this goes for
bigger groups as well; groups of four, five, six, however
you want to do it. As long as there are enough girls for
all the other guys in the group, you probably wont have
any problems at all.

28

The next set to watch out for is the two girls deep in
conversation with each other. Yes, its nice to go up and
talk to two girls and not have to worry about a guy, but
the problem is, the girls are probably in such deep
conversation with each other that they dont really want
to be interrupted. So you either need to have a wing,
somebody to help you out with the situation, or you need
to be so interesting that youre better than whatever
conversation it is that theyre having - and that can be
very difficult to do, and its a lot
of pressure for you to do all on
your own.
The reason that one girl alone is
often bad news, especially if
shes good-looking, is because

29

most girls who are out on their own are usually waiting
for a guy. Think about it. If she was out with girls, theyd
be going to the restroom together, or theyd be travelling
together or getting ready together because thats
typically what girls tend to do. Its only when shes out
with a guy that shell be standing alone. Her guy goes to
the restroom and she waits for him. The guys gone to
get drinks and shes waiting for him. The guy hasnt
arrived yet, whatever the situation is
When that guy comes back, hes probably not going to be
happy to find his beautiful girl talking to a random guy,
and thats when guys get aggressive when you talk to
their girl before you talk to them.
If you want to avoid any animosity from a big, scary guy,
one girl alone isnt necessarily the best girl to go and talk
30

to. One of the things that I observe is which of the

groups I feel is going to be easier. Like I said, Im not
going to avoid a girl if Im attracted to her, but if Ive got
a choice between two really hot girls and a big scary guy
versus a hot girl on her own, Im going to go for the two
hot girls and the scary guy, because I know Ive got a
much better chance of approaching successfully.
There are other things I look for. For example, speed of
movement. If youre looking to approach girls on the
street and you see a girl walking at a fast pace, you
know that girls probably in a rush to get somewhere and
shes probably not going to want to stop and have a
conversation with you. In that situation, if Ive got an
option between somebody whos moving fast and
somebody whos moving slow, Ill go for the slow-moving

31

person. Other things I look for are people that look

preoccupied. If theyre on a phone talking, or maybe if
theyre really analyzing the shopping that theyre buying
and what theyre doing; Im going to lean more towards
looking at people that are killing time, strolling around
and window shopping or shuffling their feet as they walk
down the road in other words, people that dont look
particularly busy; because I know Ive got a much better
chance of succeeding if I approach them.
A simple exercise that you can use to practice your
observation skills and is that the next time youre in a
coffee shop maybe make it a point to sit once every
other day in a coffee shop observe people around you
and try to understand whats going on in their life. Just
think simple things: Are they busy? Are they killing time

32

right now? Are they waiting for somebody? Are they

hanging out with their best friend, or is it somebody
theyve only just met? Start asking these questions in
your head, and maybe try and think of two points for
every single person that you might like to speak to.
So you see a girl sitting with her friend and you think,
what are two things I can figure out about this girl? One,
thats obviously somebody shes known for a long time,
and two, theyre on their lunch break. Then go and
approach, and when you approach
confirm through your conversation that
they are on their lunch break and how
long theyve known each other.
What will happen over time with these interactions is that
youll become better and better at observing things and
33

finding out whether youre correct. In fact, it can get

pretty freaky. Ive gotten to the point where. When Im
out with my friends, I can often tell you the relationship
status of the people around us, whether theyre single,
whether its a first date or a second date just based on
skill at observing people. This becomes a great
conversational topic for the people Im around, not to
mention that its really impressive for other girls to watch.
Its a really useful skill to have to be able to observe
people and analyze them, and also basically to cold read
what you see around you and to be correct about it. So
practicing that observational skill is one great exercise
you can do.

34

Approach
Next up is A, and this is the Approach. When it comes
down to approaching, its absolutely crucial that that you
dont hesitate. A lot of guys who learn dating and pick-up
have heard of the Three Second Rule, which is that you
must approach within three seconds. The truth is, from
the minute that you make eye contact with a girl, you
have to approach.
Now, the three second rule might be a great way to get
you motivated to start approaching people, but the truth
is, three seconds of making eye contact while youre
nervously shuffling and not sure whether youre going to
approach can be really deadly. On the other hand, three
seconds of really good eye contact can actually be great.
35

The point is, make sure youre not doing the nervous one
versus the good one. It always makes good sense that
once you make eye contact with a girl, you go and
approach them.
One of the things you can look for when youre observing
is whether someones making eye contact with you; and
the minute you make eye contact, you go straight up to
them and you approach directly, no hesitation. Youve
made eye contact; maybe give it a bit of a smile and go
straight up to them.
Now, what if you dont? What if you hesitate? Lets take a
moment and analyze the subtext of the communication
between the two of you if you dont approach
straightaway and you hesitate instead. Now bear in mind,
hesitation can be something as small as one little
36

footstep out of place. It only takes one awkward footstep

to completely kill an interaction and let the other person
know that youre hesitating, and that youre a little bit
worried about approaching. So lets think about it. Why
would you hesitate? She has no idea why youre planning
to approach her. So what could be the reason that youve
hesitated on the approach? Potentially the reason you
hesitated is because you were worried that she might
reject you.
Do you think shes likely to pick up on that? I think its
pretty likely that she realizes the reason youre scared of
approaching is because youre worried that she might
reject you for something. Well, what are you likely to be
rejected for? Probably the fact that youre going to try
and pick her up.

37

The next thing she thinks about is why would you

hesitate? Why are you worried about that? Oh because
in your head, you believe theres a chance this actually
wont work.
So, she knows nothing about you whatsoever except for
the information that you plan on approaching her; youre
probably interested
in trying to hit on
her and you dont

Important Rule:
Hesitation is the death
of any approach!

think youre good

enough for her. Not a great start to the conversation, is
it letting her know that you dont think youre good
enough for her. After all, youre the only person who
knows who you are, and if in your opinion shes better

38

than you based purely on looks, youre going to be

struggling from step one.
To make sure you dont get stuck by that, all you need to
do if you make eye contact is to approach straightaway.
Something that can help with this is to use a smile to
trigger a response from the
other person. Human beings
mirror each other all the time.
In fact, when youre a little
baby, if people smile at you,
you tend to respond with a
really big smile. That rule applies to adults as well. All
you have to do when you make eye contact with
somebody is give them a big cheesy grin. A nice big
cheesy grin will almost always be duplicated by the

39

person at the other end. The point is, if you look at

somebody, make eye contact and smile, and they smile
back at you, theres a really good chance that theyre
going to be okay with you approaching them and having
a conversation.
Plus, its very difficult for somebody whos smiling at you
to be rude, like, Go away. Its very hard. Theyre very
unlikely to do that. If theyre smiling at you, theyre
probably going to be friendly and approachable, which
makes it a lot easier to have a conversation with them.
A great exercise to practice as youre walking around
during the day is to try and make eye contact with every
single girl you see in the street. Bear in mind that you
may have to make eyed contact longer than you think.
Sometimes you could be looking at a girl and she doesnt
40

know youre looking at her, and shes not going to

respond, so keep looking for as long as you possibly can.
Sometimes you may turn your head to look at her as you
go by; it doesnt matter. Keep looking at her and wait for
the eye contact. The minute you get the eye contact
cheesy grin. Throw that cheesy grin out and see how
many of them reciprocate. The minute someone
reciprocates, approach. I can almost guarantee you that
every single time you do that, the persons going to be
very friendly and very warm towards you.

41

Touch

After approaching, the next thing is Touch. Touch is

incredibly important. Why? Because one day, youre
probably going to

want to

make out with

this person.

And even if you

dont, you

might want to hug

them. If you

have never

touched

them until that

point, you

are going to

struggle.

However, if theyre comfortable touching you, its going to

make it a lot easier for them to make out with you or
whatever else it is youre going to try and do.

42

I remember this one time I went out on a date with a girl

and when we first went out, I held my arm out to link
arms with her and she pulled my arm away. As we
were walking down the street, I tried again a few
seconds later and she pushed my arm away once more. I
looked at her and said, Hey, you need to link arms with
me. She said, Why? I dont like doing that. I replied,
First of all, youre small and I dont want to lose you in
the crowd. Secondly, Im a guy, and I dont want people
looking at me as I walk down the street thinking that Im
not looking after the girl Im with by offering her my arm.
Im a gentleman and this is how its done. Lock arms with
me.
So she agreed; about half an hour into our date, this
girls cuddling up to my arm, shes hugging me; shes

43

absolutely loving the fact that Im touching her. Later on

I said to her, Do you know why it was so important that
I link arms with you? and she said, No, why? I said,
Because now its
weirder for me to
not touch you than
to touch you. And

Important Rule: The

sooner you touch
someone, the better the
interaction is going to
be.

she said, I dont believe it, so I push her away and she
said, Wow, that is weird! Come back here, come back
here! And we give each other a big hug. At that point
we share our first kiss.
Its an incredible thing. She became used to me touching
her rather than not touching her. Id only known her for
about two or three hours, but in those two or three hours
that Id known her, for about two of them wed been

44

touching a lot more than not. So she was more used to

me touching her than not touching her. And that is how
you want every single one of your interactions to be.
The more you can get somebody used to being touched
by you, the better its going to be later on when you want
to do something else. There are different points where
you can touch somebody. And of course you want to
make sure that you dont freak them out when you first
touch them. I suggest you first touch somebody on the
forearm. Anywhere between the wrist and the elbow is
usually a good area where someones not going to freak
out when youre having a conversation with them. If you
touch somebody anywhere else, theres a chance it could
go wrong their butt, their hand, their shoulder; if

45

theyre carrying a handbag they might freak out. But the

forearm, youre never going to go wrong there.
The way I do it is I just allow my hand to rest on their
arm. I dont apply any pressure, I dont poke them, I
dont push them and I dont do that light, awkward
brush. I just allow the weight of my hand to rest on their
arm. What will ultimately happen is theyll look at my
hand, look up at me, and at that point I start speaking. I
never start speaking until theyre looking at my face. That
way I know theyre going to hear every single word that I
have to say. After all, if Ive spent so many years making
sure the words I say are so powerful that Im going to
make sure that they listen to every single word that I
say.

46

Lines
This brings us to Lines; Im going to teach you three
different types of lines that you can use. The first line is
rejection-proof. There is no way whatsoever you can get
rejected by using this type of line. The second line has a
little bit more chance of rejection, but its almost always
going to be seen favorably. And the third type Im going
to teach you are the ones that I typically use and they
can be a lot harder to learn. You may not be using those
right away, but still they
really are the best ones.
But to start off as a
beginner, its great to
learn how to approach

47

without getting rejected, and the easiest way to do that

is by using a functional line.

1 - Functional Lines
A functional line is essentially a question that helps you
start a conversation. Its something that you need help
with, some information that you need, so youre going to
ask somebody that youve just met. This can be
something like: Hey, do you know where the nearest
Starbucks is? In fact, that particular line ended up
making me quite famous. I used to use that line
whenever somebody asked me to demonstrate my
approach method on television.

48

When youre approaching on live television, one of the

scariest things is that you might fail publicly on camera. I
needed to come up with something so I knew I would
not get rejected on live TV to avoid looking bad and not
being able to do the skill set that I teach. So one of the
easiest ways to approach someone and guarantee that
you dont get rejected is to say, Hey, do you know
where the nearest Starbucks is?
Think about it. Why cant you ever get rejected from
that? No, they dont know where the nearest Starbucks
is. Thats okay, they dont have to know where it is, but
the point is that were still in a conversation with each
other. If they dont know where it is and I can then use
that to continue the conversation using a transition
which Im going to teach you later on.

49

If they do know where it is, then Ive got a conversation

started right there and I can transition out of that to keep
the conversation going afterwards. The worst case
scenario of a girl actually saying, Hey, Im not
interested. Ive got a boyfriend, doesnt make sense. A
girl can never actually reject you; she cant be rude to
you and say something like, Go away, because then
shes being rude. Ironically, even though youre
approaching her, if she tries to reject you for asking a
functional line, shes the rude one.
Think about is. Hey, excuse me; do you happen to know
where the nearest Starbucks is? Uh, no I have a
boyfriend. Okay, you can keep your boyfriend, thats
fine. Im looking for a Starbucks, thats all I want. I dont
want your boyfriend. You see how ridiculous this sounds?

50

It sounds ridiculous because it

is. They cant reject you for
this!
So any line where you need a
piece of information is
something you cant get
rejected for. Example:
Do you know what time this nightclub closes?
Hey, do you know where the restrooms are?
Whats the name of that drink? Im thinking about
getting one, it looks quite good.
Do you know if theres another lunch bar around here? I
always go into the same places and I want to go
somewhere different.
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Do you know what the number is of the next bus thats

coming along?
Whatever it is, the point is that as long as youre 100%
genuinely asking a question, youre never going to get
rejected for asking a functional line, and its a great way
of starting a conversation.
2- Compliment Lines
The second set of lines Im going to teach you are
compliment lines. Compliments are incredibly powerful.
Almost every single human being on the planet loves
receiving compliments, and you can use that to start a
conversation. In fact, going back to doing approaches on
live television, one of the things I used to do all the time
was that before I did an approach, I would actually warm

52

up by giving people compliments. I wouldnt try and start

a conversation; I would just go up to random people and
give them really big compliments.
The reason this works is because when you give
someone a compliment, they tend to look at you and give
you a big grin. So I would do something like five of these
before I approached live on television, and I would start
to trick myself into thinking that every time I approached
someone, they would smile because they love me; so me
going around and approaching people is just going to
make everybody really happy and theyre going to want
me to do it. Its a very positive way to give yourself the
confidence to go and approach somebody.
The way you give a compliment is you pinpoint
something about them that you think stands out about
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them that theyve worked at. Now, theres a lot in that

sentence, so Im going to break it down.
You dont just to up to somebody and say, Hey, youre
really beautiful. And you definitely dont say to
somebody, I love your eyes, theyre really pretty. Why?
Because those two things are typically things that
somebody hasnt worked at. Good-looking people are
born with the facial structure that makes them pretty,
and their eyes are something that theyve never really
done anything with. Their eyes are just their eyes.
The best compliment you can ever receive is based on
something that you have actually worked at. Thats why
girls just love receiving compliments about their hair
most girls put the effort into doing their hair and spend a
lot of time putting their look together.
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Also, youll probably be aware that

girls spend a lot of time getting
dressed, making sure that all their
clothes match and that sort of
thing. These tend to be good
things to give people compliments
on as well, specifically because
theyve put so much time and energy into it that they
want the payoff. They want the reward from that time
and energy, and of course the reward comes in the
compliments they receive.
Think about it. A girl gets dressed up specifically to
receive compliments. But she doesnt want to hear Hey,
youre really beautiful, because shes heard that before.
She wants to know that this particular outfit that shes

55

put together was done incredibly well. A simple stock line

to cover this would be, Hey, I really love that outfit, the
way that youve matched then pinpoint whatever is
matched on the outfit. It looks really good and I wanted
to take the time to let you know. Thats a really simple
and powerful way of giving someone a compliment that
theyre going to appreciate a lot better than, Hey, you
look really hot, or Wow, nice ass! Those kinds of
things dont tend to go over incredibly well.
So pinpoint something about the person that you think
stands out, and more importantly, that you think they
care about, and use that to craft your compliment. Then
of course just make sure that you explain what it is or
why you felt the need to say it which well go into a
little bit when we cover explanations.

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3- Opinion Lines
The final type of line, and in my opinion the best one, is
observational. Observational lines work specifically
because they are current to the situation, and if they are
done correctly, youre not even directing it at the person.
Youre kind of just saying it to yourself and then the
other person is joining in your conversation.
The one difficulty you may face here is youve got to
figure these lines out yourself. I cant predict every single
situation that youre going to be in where you could
potentially create an observational line. What I am going
to do is give you some suggestions and examples tailored
for some common situations. However, youll find that
observational lines work a lot better if you learn how to
create them yourself.
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A very simple one you can use when youre shopping in

your local food market or grocers is if you see somebody
whos trying to figure out which of two things to buy. You
can go up and make that decision for them. The way you
do it is you point at the item and say, Thats the best
one. What youre doing is tapping into their inner
subconscious. Theyre obviously trying to figure out which
one, and youre making that decision for them.
It doesnt really matter if your decisions right or not,
because youre not trying to actually help them, youre
trying to start a conversation. By pinpointing it and
saying thats the right one, you are helping them with
their decision-making process. Sometimes a person just
needs that flip of a coin and your random jumping-in
becomes that coin. By making that standard observation,

58

youre helping them out with their decision, and find that
they jump into a
very good
conversation with
you.
Another simple observational line is when you see
somebody trying to take a picture of themselves. You
know, that thing with their arms stretched out and
theyre trying to take a picture and you know its going to
be wonky and theyre going to cut their head off. You
just go up to them and, Hey, let me take that picture for
you, and you step right in, take the camera, and take
the picture on their behalf. Again, another simple way of
using an observational line.

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Some of the others that Ive used are when Im walking

down a busy street maybe in New York or London. Ill
turn to a girl next to me and say, Man, I just wish there
were less people on the pavement sometimes! Again,
Im going to use this when I think the girl looks annoyed
with the crowd bumping into her or jostling her, or
maybe if shes trying to move quickly to get through. Its
a very simpler way of jumping in and tapping into whats
going on in her head at that precise moment.
Along those same lines, if youre maybe out and about
and its raining and you see a car go through a puddle
and splash some people, you can say out loud to a girl
nearby, Man, Im glad Im not on the other side of the
road!

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The point is that by tapping into whats going on in

somebodys subconscious and the key things that theyre
thinking about at that exact moment, you have a great
chance of starting a conversation. Youre just tapping in
to the inner dialogue that theyre already having inside
their head. The fact that they get to voice those thoughts
out loud ensures that they jump into a nice comfortable
conversation with you.

Explanation
That moves us on to E, which is the Explanation. Why
do we add an explanation after any of the lines we use?
Specifically because psychologists have found that people
tend to be more compliant if they get a reason for
something. Youd be surprised; you can actually jump to
the front of a coffee line if you give someone a reason.
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Something like, Hey guys, Im

really sorry; I have to grab a coffee
right now, Im about to miss my
plane. Ive only got a few minutes
and Ive got to jump on board this
plane. Hope you dont mind. I just want to jump this line,
grab this coffee right now; Id really appreciate it.
Something like that is going to work really well. Give
someone a good reason why youve got to skip the line
and youve got a great chance of convincing them to let
you skip past.
Ive actually done some videos on You Tube showing
examples of a guy who went up to a girl and said, Do
you mind if I have that seat, because I have a nose?
The explanation didnt even make any sense! Yet people

62

still gave him their seats a lot more than when he just
said, Hey, do you mind if I have that seat? This is a
very powerful thing to learn. By adding an explanation to
your line, youve got a much better success rate and a
much better chance of getting them to comply with you.
For example, if I just say, Hey, do you know where the
nearest Starbucks is? theres a pretty good chance the
girls going to say, No, I dont. But if you say, Hey, Im
so sorry to bother you, but the last three people Ive
stopped havent really helped me and I really am looking
for a Starbucks to meet one of my friends. Do you
happen to know where the nearest one is? I have a
much better chance of that person stopping and actually
helping me find that Starbucks.

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So add an explanation to absolutely every single line that

you use, and youll find that your success rate drastically
increases. If you give someone a compliment and you
give a reason why youre giving that compliment, its got
a much better
chance of sinking
in.
For example if you
say, Hey, I really

Adding a reason to
something can greatly
increase your chance of
compliance.
Psychologists such as
Stanley Milgram have
shown
this time and time again.

love that outfit. The way it matches your shoes is a really

good look. I wanted to take the time to let you know
because I hate the fact that I might go away and not say
it to you and then you could go for a whole day without
anyone ever telling you how great that outfit is, and I
know from my sister how much girls love it when

64

somebody gives them a compliment and how much effort

they put into their outfits to make it look good so I
wanted to take the time to let you know. Maybe a little
bit long-winded, but it does cover everything youd need
to fully explain why youre giving that compliment and to
allow the girl to really appreciate exactly where the
compliments coming from.
The great thing about observational lines and why I tend
to use those when Im starting a conversation is because
the explanation is built into the line. The explanation
comes first. Theyre already in that situation, and youre
jumping on board with it. Why are you helping work out
which of the two items they should buy in the grocers?
Because theyre looking stuck like they dont know which
one to get.

65

Shaking Hands, Swapping names

The two final parts of OATLESS are Shaking hands and
Swapping names. The reason we do this is very simple.
We shake hands because it increases touch; and as I
covered earlier, the more you touch somebody the more
comfortable theyre going to feel being touched by you.
And the reason we swap names is so that they
specifically remember who you are.
Hopefully, youre going to remember who they are, too,
but thats not as important. One of the most important
things for you is to make sure that they get your name.
That way if you meet 20 people in one night, youve got
20 people who know who you are. You can go around
and call all of them babe or hon or chick or
whatever it is you want to call them, but them knowing
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your name is incredibly powerful. When people are calling

your name all over the bar when youre talking to a girl
who youre actually interested in generating attraction
with, shes going to wonder how youve got so many
friends in this bar when youve only been in town for 24
hours.
That is the power of comfort, and it comes from learning
how to approach somebody correctly to ensure that your
success rate is a lot higher and that your chance for
rejection is incredibly low.
Now at this point, youve got a very simple decision to
make. The question is, are you just going to pre-open, or
are you going to hold down the set? What I mean by this
is, are you going to quit at this point and go around and
meet somebody else, or is this the person that youre
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going to start and build a conversation with, to generate

solid comfort with, and have them want to be part of
your life?
I typically say that if youre going to pre-open, try and
keep it to no longer than 10 seconds. Youve gone in, got
your information about the Starbucks or whatever,
swapped names and then youre out of there.
Why do we do that? We do that for a number of reasons.
One, on that first interaction, you may have decided you
dont really like them. Theyre not as friendly as you
wanted them to be, the conversation didnt go as well as
you wanted; whatever the situation is, it wasnt exactly
what you wanted it to be. At that point you can just
move on and go meet somebody else. Youve already got

68

them to be somebody that you recognize and that you

like within the venue.
The other reason is what I call the Cinderella Effect.
When Cinderella walked into the ball when she went to
meet Prince Charming, everybody turned and looked at
her. They all wanted to know who she was, and all eyes
turned towards her. When you walk into a bar or a club,
its pretty likely that that doesnt happen to you. I know it
definitely doesnt happen to me. But you can create that
effect by having short, 10-second interactions with
people.
Think about it. Say you went to a bar and spoke to a
random dude about the match that was being played on
in the television, then you swapped names with this guy.
And then when you move around, when you see that guy
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around the bar, he looks at you and youre going to have

this familiarity with each other because you spoke to
each other earlier. And with that familiarity, the guys
going to nod his head, smile at you; hes going to pick
out your face in the crowd over other people.
Now imagine youve spoken to 20 people at the bar and
had 20 short 10-second interactions. As you move
around, people are going to turn their heads and look at
you; Hey, I met this guy earlier. Hey man, how are you
doing? Theyre all going to look at you and start
interacting with you as the night goes on. So what
happens is, even though youre not as attractive as
Cinderella, youve actually gained a level of attraction
similar to Cinderella, because all these people are looking
at you and wondering who the hell you are.

70

At that point, the girls going to think, Wait, who the

hells this guy? Whys everyone staring at him instead of
me? Its an incredibly powerful skill set specifically based
on the fact that youre going around and having these
short interactions with people.

71

Chapter 3 Transitions
However, if you dont just want to have that 10-second
interaction with somebody, if youre talking to them and
youre thinking, Wow! This person I like; this is
somebody that I do want to have a conversation with, at
this point you want to learn how to transition to keep
that conversation going.
There are a number of different ways to transition a
conversation from that initial opener, but it is incredibly
important that you do at least one of them. See, the
opening line is where all conversations go to die. If you
dont get out of the conversation fast, then that
conversation is going to be dead:
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Hi, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?

Yeah, its just over there.
Oh, thanks ever so much. I love Starbucks.
Awesome, me too.
Starbucks is so good, the coffees great; its like a god
thing to have.
Ive noticed; its so much fun.
Dude, seriously, I love the cakes
You see where it goes it dies. Starbucks is not a great
conversation topic. In fact, most of the opening lines that
you use are going to die rapidly if you dont get away
from them. The key is to transition off of that topic as
quickly as you can. In fact, the faster you can transition

73

and the more you can transition, the better the

interactions going to go.
I like to transition two or three times during the first
minute of the conversation so that it feels like our
conversation has a little more depth. You typically tend to
find that each transition gets a little bit deeper and the
conversation gets a little bit better as you go.
To start off with, Im going to teach you four simple
transitions. Now, before I teach you these, a different
transition you can use is to just do a different opening
line. For example, if you open with a functional line you
could transition into a compliment. Or if you open with a
compliment, you can transition into a functional or an
observational, so they can all work as simple transitions.
However, the four things Im going to show you now are
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four specific techniques that make

great transitions. Then were
going to talk about having
conversations and how you can
use conversation flow to
transition as well but well get
to that later on, because it gets a
little bit complicated.

The Accent
To start off with, the first transition that Im going to
teach you is my personal favorite, which is the accent.
The way I do this is by saying:

75

Wow, youve got a really cool accent. Im trying to figure

out where its from. Whereabouts is it from?
Thats a much better way of saying, Where are you
from? or, Do you come here often? These are the
classic lines people have always used. Theyre the
common lines people use in conversation when theyre
trying to find out more about somebody but theyve
been overused. Everybodys heard them before. But
commenting on somebodys accent is almost always
going to be a winner.
The best thing is if the person doesnt think they have an
accent. You typically find that in places like America, they
think that nobody has an accent apart from people that
arent from America. But the truth is that regional dialects
and regional accents exist all over. Someone from New
76

York does not sound like someone from California, does

not sound like somebody from Texas, and so on. If youre
from England, people from London dont sound the same
as people that come from York, etc.
The point is, almost everybody has an accent that makes
them sound like theyre from somewhere else. Even if
you dont know exactly what that accent is, it doesnt
matter because youre not predicting it. Youre just
saying, Wow, you have a really cool accent, Im trying to
place it. Whereabouts is it from? Then when they give
you that information, they are telling you so much about
themselves. Theyre telling you where theyre from, what
their upbringing is; theyre telling you that maybe they
moved around a bit. Youre going to learn a lot about this

77

person incredibly quickly, and each thing that they tell

you is a new topic of conversation.
Theyre essentially giving you a lot of information about
themselves and a lot of threads of conversation for you
to talk about, which are great ways to keep a
conversation going with somebody.

The Occasion
The next transition is the occasion. The occasion is what
I typically use when I can see that there is an occasion
going on. For example, if you see a bunch of
bridesmaids, theyve got sashes or tiaras or whatever the
situation is; if it looks like a big group of girls having an
occasion Ill say something like, Hey guys, whats the

78

occasion? Whats going on, how do you guys all know

each other?
That will be my transition. Heres another example:
Hey, do you happen to know what time this club closes?
I have some friends coming in later on and I just want to
make sure they get here before it closes.wait, wait
guys, whats the occasion? Whats going on here, Ive
totally missed this.
This is a very simple way of transitioning and learning
more about what theyre doing that night. Theyll
ultimately tell you that theyre bridesmaids, or its
someones birthday, or whatever.
A little note here: If you ever talk to a girl and you find
out that theyre having some kind of bachelorette party, a

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great thing to do is ask

who has the list. This is a
list of things that the girls
have to achieve during the
night of the bachelorette
party. It starts quite
innocently enough with get a guy to buy you a drink
and ends up with things like make out with a guy youve
never met before. Whats great about this is that most
girls dont think guys know the list exists. The fact that
you know about the list gives you instant pre-selection,
because you must know girls to know that the list exists.
Secondly, you can help them work through the list, but
the way to do it is not to be part of the early challenges.
What I like to do is help them get other guys to achieve

80

the first parts of the list. For example, if its get a guy to
buy you a drink, I will help them find a guy who will buy
them a drink. That way I can go through all the things
that are very easy and simple and build up a lot of
comfort with them.
When Ive completed the first half of the list with them,
theyll move onto the more raunchy stuff like make out
with a random dude. But theyre not going to want to
make out with a random dude; theyre going to want to
make out with a random dude that they kind of know and thats the point where Ill start accepting some of the
items on the list, like sneaking off into a corner and
having a nice big make-out session and what have you,
with a girl that Ive just met. Thats a very simple tip that
you can use when youre doing the occasion.

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The Introduction
The next one and one of my favorite transitions is the
introduction. The introduction works by a very simple
process. The first person that you approach in a group is
the first person responsible for keeping you in or out of
the group.
If you get that person to introduce you to somebody else
in the group, and that person to introduce you to
somebody else in the group, you essentially get deep into
the group. Once youre three people in, that person cant
really reject you because they met you through
somebody else in the group and they dont know whether
youre a friend of theirs or how long youve known each
other. And the first person you approached, theyre not
really around anymore, so they cant really reject you
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either, because youre having a conversation with a

person three deep in the group. The point is, its very
difficult to kick you out at that point.
So a very simple transition to use is just to say, Oh hey,
nice to meet you. Is this your friend? Whos this, whats
his name? Nice to meet you, and do the same thing
again. Oh, whos this? Nice to meet you; pleasure, and
once youre two or three people in, its very difficult to
get you kicked out of the group at that point.

The Opinion
Finally, the last transition and arguably one of the best
in fact, the University of Chicago identifies this as one of
the best lines you can use to generate attraction with
somebody is the Opinion.

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I know a lot of people have used opinion lines to start a

conversation, and while that might be an okay way to
start a conversation, its quite common to get stuck
because logically speaking, why would I ask this person
whom I dont know about their opinion? Likewise, a lot of
the people you approach will wonder, Why is this person
asking me on something? I obviously dont know them; I
dont really care.
But when you use it as a transition, youve already had a
conversation with them. In fact, its almost like youve
built up that foundation I was talking about earlier, so it
sort of seems acceptable at this point to ask them what
they think about something.

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The best opinions are always going to be based on

something that you yourself care about, and typically are
based on relationships. If you make up an opinion, the
chances of it succeeding are incredibly low. No one wants
to hear a conversation that you dont really care about,
and if youre making it up, you probably dont care about
it.
Whenever Im using an opinion, I almost always make it
about somebodys relationship that I know and that I
really want help with. So Ill say something like:
You know what? Seeing as how you seem really, really
friendly
I almost always start my opinion with that line, because it
ensures via qualification that theyre much more likely to

85

be friendly to me. If you dont know what Im talking

about, then youve definitely got to watch the
qualification program, because it teaches you specifically
how to use preloading (which is what that was) to get
the person to be friendly.
Hey, you know what? Seeing as how youre so friendly,
maybe you can help me out with something. My friends
in this typical situation
Then I break down the situation for them. At the end of it
I follow up with:
I would love to get some advice on what I could tell my
friend. The problem is, I cant ask anyone else that we
know because they know the situation and theyll think
Im being a busybody and I dont really want that, but I

86

do want to help out my friend. What advice could you

give me that I could give him?
Thats a really nice way of starting an opinion transition
that keeps the conversation flowing. Plus it contains
things like gossip, relationships, and drama which is
pretty much all you find cover-to-cover in any female
magazine and TV show, stuff that girls absolutely love.
Marketing people around the
world have figured out that
this is what girls really like,
so you might as well steal
that information and use it to start a conversation with a
girl.
You can use these simple transitions to get off that first
topic of conversation. You can use all four of them, or
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just one of them; its completely up to you. Of course the

more you use, the longer the conversation will be, but
sometimes youll find that the occasion one just doesnt
work, or there are only a couple of people so the
introductory one isnt possible. However, theyre all
different options for you to use to transition the
conversation. Its up to you to pick the one the best suits
the situation.

88

Chapter 4 - Commonalities
Now we have to get to the meat of the conversation. And
the meat of the conversation is finding rapport with the
other person. Lets revisit comfort for a second and figure
out exactly what comfort is. Comfort is made up of two
things: Its made up of trust and rapport. Trust that
youre not going to do anything horrible to them or make
them think that you might try and kill them or something,
and rapport is where the two of you have some things in
common; some common ground with each other so that
the conversation feels nice and comfortable.
And this is where we start this rapport, with that ability to
build up commonalities with the other person. If you and
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the other person can find something in common with

each other, youve got a great chance of having a
conversation. Heres a question for you: How well do you
know the girl who works at the checkout in your local
grocery store? You probably see her quite often every
time you do your weekly grocery shopping yet how well
do you actually know her as a person? Do you go out and
have a coffee every so often? Do you have a
conversation with them when you see them? Probably
not; this is a person you see on a semi-regular basis, and
yet they dont really have anything to do with your life
other than checking out your groceries.
But what if one day as you were going through that
checkout you discovered that she were about to go on

90

holiday to Australia? Shes about to fly out to Australia,

to Sidney for two weeks which just happens to be the
exact two weeks that youre going to be there. Suddenly,
youll find that you look at the checkout person a little bit
differently. I can almost
How well do you know
the checkout girl in your
local super market?
What if you saw her on
vacation?
Commonalities are king.

guarantee that at this

point youd swap contact
details with them with a
plan to meet up while
youre in Australia and

hangout, especially considering youre going to be in

exactly the same place. The point is, now that the two of
you have something in common, you have a reason to
stay in touch that reason is a commonality.

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When you have something in common between the two

of you, it becomes a conversational topic. You can talk
about the things you plan to do in Australia, what youre
looking forward to the most, whether youve been before,
whether its expensive or not. All of these typical
conversational topics will flow naturally, and the two of
you will find yourselves in a great, comfortable
conversation. Youve got a reason to swap contact
details; shes going to want to hang out with you.
Essentially, she now has comfort with you.
And if youve followed everything Ive taught you up to
this point, you will have already developed trust. They
know youre not a weirdo, because youre hanging out
with other girls, or you havent freaked them out by using
any weird, strange lines that might make them think that

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youre some kind of axe murderer. So youve got trust,

and now if you can build a commonality, youre going to
get rapport.
The key to building rapport with somebody or finding a
commonality is to identify things that they care about.
Now, in an ideal world, that would be something you care
about, too, but if youre the one going out and
approaching people, you must be willing to have great
conversations with people that you dont have anything in
common with, or who share common interests with you.
Its a great skill set to be able to generate commonalities
with them or to essentially find things that they
absolutely love, and then be able to talk about it and
build a commonality with it. Now there are typically three
things that youre going to find very easy to find solid

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commonalities with. It might be great to find out that

youre wearing the same color socks as the girl that
youre talking to, but thats not really going to be a
commonality that will generate a great conversation.

Location Career Hobbies

The three things that will start a great conversation are
location (things like going abroad, where you grow up),
career, and hobbies. These are the three things that
most people really care about. The most important one of
all is hobbies. People care about hobbies the most
because its something that you put your time, energy,
and money into that doesnt give you anything back other
than pure enjoyment.

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If you can identify what somebodys favorite hobbies are,

and the things that they absolutely love doing, youre
going to find that thats something they really want to
talk about, and all you have to do is build a commonality
with them.
The next thing people tend to be interested in is their
career. Not necessarily because they love it, although
some people do, but because its something that they
spend a lot of their time doing. People spend so long on
their career that it becomes a big part of their life, so
theyre willing to have a conversation about it, especially
if you have something in common with that career.
Finally, the last one is locations and travelling; places
theyve been, places theyre going to, these are all things
people like talking about because its either who they are
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or where theyre from, or maybe even things theyre

looking forward to. Or like with hobbies, things they put
time and energy into organizing, and maybe even money
to go and enjoy at a later date.
The way we build commonalities is by looking at
whatever it is that the other person brings up in the
conversation, and seeing whether you have a direct
commonality with it, an indirect commonality with it, or a
negative commonality with it.
A direct commonality is very simple Its also something
Im very interested in. For example, if I were to meet a
girl that likes horseback riding, I could have a direct
commonality on that. Growing up, I did horseback riding,
so if I meet a girl that rides horses, I can say, Oh my

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God, I love riding horses! and I can talk about it for ages
because thats something that I did growing up.
Indirect commonalities are a little bit harder. Its
essentially when the girl says something that you have
absolutely no way of establishing a commonality with it
for yourself. For example, if I met a girl who was a
doctor, I couldnt use direct commonality because Im not
a doctor, I havent studied medicine and I know nothing
about it. Instead, I would use an indirect commonality. I
would talk about somebody I know who is a doctor, and I
would share stories theyve told me. So Id bring up
stories about when they were in surgery, some of the
things that happened, the pressure and the first time
they did it, and ask them whether that was something
theyve experienced. Im essentially using the stories

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from my friend who is a doctor to build a commonality

with this person. This is indirect commonality. Its
somebody elses commonality that I can use to have a
conversation.
The last commonality is the worst of all, but if youve got
nothing else, this is
the one you go with
negative
commonalities.
Negative commonality

The key is to talk about

things that she is
interested in as if theyre
your interests too, and
the easiest way to do that
is to develop interests
that are typically shared
with the kind of girl
youre interested in.

is essentially, I know absolutely nothing about that. For

example, if I met a girl who was a farmer, I dont know
anything about farming, I really dont. I like the idea of it.
Tell me three things that I should know about farming.

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Even though Ive told her that I dont know anything

about farming, Ive asked her to tell me three things
about it. I can then use that information to have a
conversation with somebody else at a later date, and
more importantly, its given her three different topics of
conversation to bring up that maybe I can build a
commonality off of. This will keep the conversation
flowing long enough for me to figure out which transition
I want to use next to keep that conversation going.
To sum up, when Im having a conversation, I try and
build commonalities based on what the other person
says. Now the key is how do I find out what theyre
interested in and what I can build commonalities on
without turning into an interrogator who just fires of
questions like, What do you do for a living? What do you

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do for fun? Where are you from? These are boring

questions that dont go anywhere.
The way I do this is to gel all of that together with the
accent transition, which is why its probably my personal
favorite. When I first meet somebody, I say:
Wow, youre really friendly. Im trying to place your
accent, and I cant figure out where its from.
Whereabouts is your accent from?
Once they tell me where theyre from, Im going to be
talking about location. I can then find out why they
moved to where theyre living now, or whether theyve
lived anywhere else in their life, and that becomes a very
normal part of the conversation. So I will have an entire

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conversation about where theyre from and build a

commonality on it.
If I find out that they went to England one time, Ill talk
about when I was in England. If I find out they went to
Africa, Ill talk about when I was in Africa. If theyve been
to mainland Europe, Ill find out where and Ill talk about
how I stayed in France for a while. If they talk about
America, Ill talk about the places Ive lived in America. I
will try and build a commonality on whatever it is that
they say and use that as either a direct or indirect
commonality to have conversation down. This is why
travelling makes it incredibly easy to meet and interact
with people.
Once Ive had the accent conversation and Ive found out
where theyre from, Ill say, Wow! Youve travelled
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around a lot, or You havent travelled much. I might

say:
Wow, youve travelled around a lot. Does that make it
difficult to hold down a job if you change careers a lot
because of that? And then at that point theyll tell me
what they do for a living.
If they havent travelled around a lot, Ill say something
like, Wow, youve just stayed here in one place. Thats
cool; is that because of a job? Then theyre going to tell
me their career and I didnt have to say to them, What
do you do for a living? I avoided that basic question
thats very interrogatory, and instead Ive managed to
work it into the conversation and make it work.

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And now Im going to have an entire conversation about

their career, what they do for a living; Im going to try to
build a commonality on it. Im going to say, Oh my gosh,
my friend does the same thing! or, I do the same
thing, or, I did that once, whatever it is, and Ill have
an entire conversation about their career.
At that point I might say, Wow, it looks like you work a
hell of a lot. Im guessing you dont have much free
time, or vice versa: Wow, sounds like you dont really
have to work very hard. Im guessing youve got a lot of
free time; what do you do when youre not working
incredibly hard? Again, a nice, simple transition, right
through to that next commonality.
You can see here that weve already gone from that
opening line to transitioning very fast to, Wow, you
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seem very friendly. Im just trying to work out where that

accents from, to talking about locations, to talking
about their career, to talking about what it is they do for
fun. That there is a good five or ten minutes of
conversation. What youll find time and time again is that
whenever you find a commonality with somebody,
whenever the two of you gel and hit on the exact same
topic of conversation that both of you enjoy talking about
or more importantly, the other person enjoys talking
about but youre capable of talking about - youll find that
the conversation flows incredibly easy. Its actually very
difficult to stop the conversation because its moving so
fast now that its become natural and unstilted. It will be
the kind of conversation you have with your friends.

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Likewise, the person youre talking to will realize that the

only time they really talk to somebody like this is when
theyre actually friends with them. Theyre already
thinking about you as being somebody that theyd want
to have in their life. But what youve got to learn to do is
to keep that conversation flow working incredibly well so
that the whole thing doesnt fall apart.

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Chapter 5 - Getting her to Invest

Conversation flow is one of the most important parts of
maintaining a conversation beyond the initial interaction.
After all, if you can start a conversation and you have a
few basic transitions, you can have a very good flow at
the start of the conversation, but the minute you run out
of pre-scripted lines to use or simple gimmicks and tricks
to keep that early part of the conversation going, youre
going to be left to your
own devices.
At that point, the
conversation typically
tends to take on a life of its own. After all, youve gone

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so far into the conversation now that the person youre

talking to is going to be adding information of their own,
and if you cant use that information and respond to keep
the conversation going, theres going to be a disconnect
where youre not really responding to what shes saying,
youre not really talking about the things that shes
talking about, and therefore the entire conversation
starts to fall apart.
Maintaining good conversation flow is all about
understanding how conversation structure goes. Ive got
a standard example I always give that shows incredibly
bad conversation flow, and the way it works is like this:
Guy meets a girl and he says to her, Hey, where are you
from? The girl says, Im from Paris. Then the guy says,
Wow, whatre you doing here?
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That is potentially one of the worst conversations you

could ever have. Now if youre thinking, Ive had
conversations like that, they seem to be fine to me then
youre really missing out some key elements there, so
lets break it down.
First of all, the guy says, Where are you from? Weve
already discussed that there are better ways of finding
out where someones from rather than just asking the
question. If you have a better way of stating it rather
than the standard way everybody else does it, its not
going to sound like the conversations forced or
rehearsed. Its actually going to feel very natural. Plus,
most of the guys who have ever said to a girl Where are
you from? were probably trying to pick her up. By you
commenting on her accent or using one of the other

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techniques we spoke about earlier, you have a much

better chance of flying under that radar and getting her
to feel comfortable with you.
The next thing is, once she gives the answer, the guy
does two things incredibly badly. She says shes from
Paris. The first thing he does is completely ignore the fact
that shes from Paris and instead says, What are you
doing here? So essentially
rather than responding to
the Paris topic, hes created
a new topic about why she
is now where she is. Hes bypassed that entire
conversation, which is something shes added to the
conversation.

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Essentially, she didnt really need to say anything. She

couldve said Im from Africa, Im from Australia, Im
from Mars. It wouldnt have made any difference,
because he wasnt using the information that she gave
him. Hes running a one-sided conversation, and onesided conversations have two flaws.
One, all the pressure is on you to maintain that
conversation, and two, the girl or the person youre
speaking to never feels that theyre actually involved in
the conversation. So because he never responded to
what the girl says, hes not encouraging her to join in the
conversation, and hes not drawing her into it. So she
doesnt enjoy the conversation, and all the pressure is on
him now to keep that going.

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The other thing thats wrong with that is the fact that
hes just drilling her with questions. Once again, hes just
saying things like, Where are you from? Why are you
here? Have you enjoyed it? How long are you staying
for? and after a while it becomes this interrogatory
process where hes literally just drilling her with questions
one after the other, and the conversation is based on
whether he can keep thinking of lots of new questions
and whether shes willing to keep answering them. After
a while, shes going to get bored of just answering
somebody elses questions because shes not getting to
add any information of her own, and hes going to run
out of things to say.
A lot of people are going to think, well, if she really
wanted to join in why doesnt she just jump in to the

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conversation? You see, she is jumping in to the

conversation. Every single time she responds to what the
guy says, shes jumping in. The problem is, none of her
topics ever materialize as actual conversations. You just
constantly drill her as she just constantly answers.
Good conversation is the kind of conversation you have
with your best friends. If you think about it, you dont
just phone up your friend and drill him with a whole
bunch of questions and hear all their answers, then hang
up the phone. Most of the time when youre talking to
your friends, the conversational structure is a little bit
different. The way most people tend to speak is with a
statement, typically followed by a question. Thats a
much more logical way for human beings to speak.
Essentially, we respond to what the other person says,

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and then we potentially ask a question of our own. Now,

we dont always ask a question. Sometimes the
questions left unstated and the other person jumps in.
But the point is, most typical conversation is made
through statements, not questions. In fact, if you go
through your phone and look at your conversations via
text messages with some of your best friends, youll
probably see that there are a few questions in there, but
most of the conversations will be statements; things that
youre saying rather than things youre asking. The
questions are just used to prompt additional information
to continue with the statements.

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Good conversation is always going to be based that way.

For example, when I first speak to somebody and I say:
Wow, youve got a great accent. Im trying to figure out
where its from whereabouts is that from? Then she
says to me, Im from Paris, I will then talk about Paris.
Well have an entire conversation about Paris, and ideally
try and build a commonality on it exactly as we learned
before.
So if that was the situation I would say next: Oh my
God, I love Paris! I actually lived there for a while. It was
amazing waking up every morning learning the locals
breakfast, because when youre in England you think that
a French breakfast is maybe chocolate croissants or
croissants with cheese. But when I was there you actually

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get a bowl of tea and a croissant that you dip into it, or a
bowl of hot chocolate and you dip the croissant into it.
Thats going to be a commonality; thats a thing that not
everybody knows about Paris if you havent lived there.
Yet, its something that if shes from there, shes going to
know about and understand and we can build a
commonality on that factor.
Likewise, any piece of information that she gives me,
whatever it is, Im going to respond to it. And the girls
going to learn very quickly that whatever she says is
something Im capable of talking about and that it brings
up a whole new conversation. And that encourages her
to keep giving me information to keep the conversation
flowing.

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If I just ignore everything she says, then whats the point

in her joining in the conversation? Most of the time, when
youre talking to a girl and you realize that she doesnt
really want to be there or shes getting bored and
walking away, its because shes not talking about
something that she actually cares about.
If you think about it, even if you were talking to someone
you didnt really like, if you were talking about a topic
that you really enjoyed and they seemed interested in it
and theyre
responding to you
and encouraging
you to tell them
more about it, you
would probably be

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very comfortable continuing to talk about that subject

just because you love the subject so much. It doesnt
really matter who youre talking to.
The key here is to make sure that when youre talking to
somebody, youre encouraging them to speak to you, and
youre responding to it. Most of the time, girls will
actually lay out a path that they want you to follow within
the conversation. If you follow that path and listen to the
things that they want to talk about, theyll actually guide
you into a good conversation; thats what girls are really
good at doing.
Youll often find if you meet groups of girls that theyre
always saying, Oh, this girls so good at talking about
the things that she wants to talk about. She never asks
me about myself, she always talks about the things that
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she wants to talk about. Girls are naturally good at this.

Theyre very good at swinging conversations around to
topics that they want to talk about. Theyll throw out
these subtle cues. I was teaching a student the other day
in a bar and he started talking to a girl and wanted to
show her this bar trick that hes learned that is a
technique for building rapport. Hes going through it, and
in the middle of it she doesnt seem too interested in the
puzzle but shes going along with it, then she asks him,
Where are you from, because I can hear your accent,
and he says, Im from California. She says, No way,
Im from California too! and he says, Yeah, and
continues showing her this bar trick and completely
ignores what she said.

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So the girl goes away; shes one of the waitresses, and

she goes away to serve some other people, and I say to
him, Why didnt you talk about California? And he says,
Well, I was trying to concentrate on the bar game. I
say, Yeah but she brought up the California topic! She
spotted that in your accent; for whatever reason this is
something she wants to talk about. You need to have the
California conversation. Forget the bar game for now,
you can come to it later when the conversations dead.
Talk about the subject the girl brings up and wants to
talk about.
So sure enough, the girl comes back and he says to her,
You said youre from California. No way what part?
And the next thing you know she blurts out how she
saved up all her money to fly out to California because

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she wanted to concentrate on an acting career, and she

almost made it onto a TV show but she ran out of money
and it didnt pan out, so she came back to Austin, Texas
and now that shes back shes been called by them again
for another project. Theyre asking her to go back out
there, and that only happened this week and theres a
chance that they might want her to be in this TV show.
This was something she obviously wanted to talk about.
It had come up this week, and she wanted to tell
someone about it. She was latching onto anything she
could to talk about California because thats the
conversation she wanted to have. The minute the guy
started talking about that, she absolutely loved it. She
thought it was great; she wanted to talk about California
and the film industry. And it turns out that this guy

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knows a few people in the film industry and knows all

about it. Then when the conversation started to die down
a bit, he used the bar game to generate more interest,
and at that point the girl was desperate to give him her
phone number to stay in touch. She had self-fulfilled
that. She gave him the conversation she wanted to have.
In order for you to have good conversation flow, you
need to be listening to what the girls saying and
responding to it. If youre only having a one-sided
conversation, then the entire thing is going to fall apart
incredibly quickly.
Another thing that people tend to do wrong with this is
something you should avoid at all costs, which is to bring
the conversational topics back around to yourself. One of
my instructors has a really good example that he uses for
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this. What he says is, if you meet a girl and she says to
you, Oh my Lord, I love Macdonalds. Macdonalds is my
favorite food. I absolutely love the burgers there; its the
best fast food on the planet. Then you were to say to
her, Oh wow, thats great. I
love Burger King. I think Burger
King is so cool
What youve done there is
shifted the conversation from what she wanted to talk
about to what you want to talk about. Youve moved it
from Macdonalds to Burger King. And while they both
might be fast food, youve missed the point that what it is
she loves is Macdonalds, not fast food. You need to be
having a conversation about Macdonalds.

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You dont necessarily agree that Macdonalds is the best

thing. You could say the exact opposite, but you need to
be talking about Macdonalds, because thats what she
wants to talk about. If youre going to ignore the
conversational topic that the girl brings up, shes going to
realize that you dont really care about the things that
she cares about one way or the other, whether its
positive or negative, and therefore theres no point
having a conversation with you.
My key point here is that you can even talk about it in
negative way. You can say, Macdonalds ugh! Theres
nothing good about Macdonalds. I could never eat
there, and then let her try and convince you about why
its so good. In fact, that act of her trying to convince you
will be her putting investment into the conversation. The

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harder she tries to convince you that Macdonalds is

great, the more shes working at trying to get you to
agree with her. Then if you do suddenly agree with her
and say, You know what? Im gonna try it. You sold me;
lets find a Macdonalds, lets go and try something. Then
shes going to drag you there and to try and convince
you that shes right.
That investment is a massive trigger in attraction. The
harder that she works for you, the more likely she is to
be attracted to you. So you dont necessarily have to
agree with a thing she says, but you do need to have a
conversation about it. Shifting away from it is going to kill
that conversation and ruin the conversation flow between
the two of you.

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Chapter 6 - Finding New Topics

Sometimes when youre in a conversation you may
struggle to find new topics. Maybe the person youre
talking to isnt being quick about providing you with
topics, and you need to pull something out of thin air.
This is where understanding exactly how the words
within a sentence are formulated comes in handy, so that
you can use them to create a conversation yourself.
A simple example of this is if we take the most basic
conversational sentence: The cat sat on the mat. We can
isolate different aspects of this sentence that you can use
to create conversation. For example, with The cat sat on
the mat, we have three different things in that sentence.
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We have a cat. What type of cat is it? Is it an old cat, is it

a young cat? Who owns the cat? Then weve got the act
of sitting. Why is the cat sitting on the mat? Is it needing
to pee, or is it just chilling out at the front door waiting
for its owner, or is it sleeping in the sunlight? Why is it
sitting? Then
finally we
have the
mat. What
kind of mat is
it? Is it
indoors? Is it outdoors?
All of these different things are multiple conversations
that you can pick out and have. What I tend to do when
Im having a conversation with somebody is that I listen

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to those different aspects of their sentences, and I store

them in my head. For example, while talking to a girl, if
she says she spent six months living in Paris, I pull out a
whole bunch of conversational topics from it. I think first
of all, why only 6 months? Then, where was she living?
Then, why did she go there in the first place? Where is
she from originally? What part of Paris did she stay in?
What activities did she do while she was in Paris? What
kind of food did she eat?
All of those different questions pop up in my head as
curiosities that Im just going to store in the back of my
head, and then Ill pick one of them and have a
conversation with it. Then later on, if the conversation
starts to die and that particular thread hasnt gone
anywhere, say, for example, youre talking about Parisian

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food then we run out of things to say about Parisian

food, Ill think to myself, What else was there? I
remember; she was only there for six months. Why was
she there for six months? Now I will bring that up, and
have a conversation about that and talk about why she
was there for six months and that will be an entire
conversation.
Then when that one runs out, Ill think back, what else
was there? Oh yeah, what part of Paris did she live in?
And Ill bring that up, and that will be a whole new
conversation.
Remember that each of these individual conversations is
going to bring up even more of these things for you to
think about. So the more she speaks, the more youre
going to get conversational topics that you can store and
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bring back later. All you need are some simple transitions
to bring those back. You can do that with simple filler
sentences, things like: You know what? That reminds
me or, Didnt you tell me a minute ago that or you
can even say, You know what? When you were saying
this earlier on, I didnt think of it then, but it just
reminded me that and you add that to the
conversation. Using those simple bits of filler text is a
very good way of bringing back old topics that she
brought up that just werent explored as fully as they
could have been.
If you do this correctly, youre going to find that your
conversation flows incredibly naturally, and theres a lot
for you to talk about; a lot of different subjects, a lot of
different ways for you to take the conversation. You dont

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have to agree with everything she says; in fact,

disagreeing could be a really good way of doing it,
provided youre still having a conversation.
As I said earlier, if you find out that somebody likes a
certain sporting team, then you can talk about how that
team sucks and why theyre terrible, and thats an entire
conversation. What you dont really want to do is talk
about another sporting team and why theyre great and
move the conversation to them because she wants to
talk about her sporting team. You can mention it by all
means, and even use it as a comparison, but remember
that the core part of the conversational topic is the team
that shes interested in.
Now, with everything that youve learnt so far, youve got
an incredibly solid foundation to keep a conversation
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going for as long as you could possibly want. Having said

that, the conversation at the moment is going to be a
little bit boring; its not going to be the most amazing
conversation in the world, but it is going to be something
that shes interested in and willing to keep going. But this
isnt going to be like a long friendship where shes going
to want to keep in touch with you forever; its just going
to be a good conversation.
In order to convert that to a nice deep friendship where
she really wants to stay in touch with you, you need to
move towards a very solid common goal, and the way
you do that is by adding value. Thats what were going
to talk about next.

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Chapter 7 - Adding Value

One of the biggest triggers that is going to make
somebody want to be a part of your life is when they feel
that you add value to theirs. If you think about it, we all
meet hundreds of people every day. When we meet
these different people, we have to decide whether this is
somebody we want in our life or someone that we dont
really care if theyre in our lives or not.
The way were going to decide that is whether we
perceive that they add value to our life. Theres a concept
known as a freeloader. A freeloader, if we go back to
ancient tribal times, was somebody who didnt really
work at adding value to the group. What would happen
was the freeloader would just hang around on the

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outside of the group, gain all the benefits from being in

the group, but not really contribute anything. The way
that human beings in the olden days would figure out
who a freeloader was, was whether they would take their
share of the work and add value to the group as a whole.
Why are freeloaders dangerous? A freeloader is
dangerous because back in the olden days, a freeloader
would take all the value from the group, but not warn the
rest of the members of the group if anything was going
wrong because he didnt really care about them. If a
predator came along, the freeloader would save himself
and not take the time to warn anybody else.
You can actually see this in ape society, and there are a
lot of really good books about this, particularly one by
Robin Dunbar, and the concept is very simple. If youve
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got a bunch of apes in a group, the apes will groom each

other; they spend time taking out the ticks off of each
others backs and giving each other rub-downs or
whatever it is monkeys do they groom each other.
If you spend two hours grooming a monkey one day, and
then the next day that monkey owes you two hours of
grooming, and then a tiger comes along, youre going to
warn your buddy that theres a tiger there because you
want your two hours of grooming. Bear in mind youve
done this for years and years, so its not just two hours of
grooming, its two hours of grooming every day for the
rest of your life. So you tend to warn the other monkey
when a tiger turns up.

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Whereas a freeloading ape in the group who doesnt

groom anyone and doesnt get groomed by anybody kind
of ignores everyone else, sits around and gets the benefit
of being in a big group. Then when a tiger turns up,
rather than warning anybody, it just moves to the other
side of the group knowing that the tigers going to eat
one of the monkeys that he doesnt really care about,
and hes going to stay safe.
Apes dont like freeloaders, and seeing how apes are
what weve descended from, we have exactly the same
issue. Think about it. If youve got a group of friends and
every time you go out theres one of the friends that
never buys a round of drinks, but always comes out with
you and gets free drinks from everybody else, its not
going to be long before you say to him, Hey dude, you

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need to start paying up, or you stop inviting them out

completely. No one likes a freeloader.
If youre trying to get someone to want to be a part of
your life, you need to think about how you add value to
their life. But it isnt always about what you do for them,
which well get to in a second.
Take a moment and imagine that youre walking down
the street and you see a homeless person. The homeless
person says that they want to go out for a drink with
you, maybe go to a bar and have a conversation. What
are the chances that youre actually going to say yes?
Now, maybe youre a Good Samaritan and thats
something that you would absolutely love to do, so lets
now say that youve got a prior engagement with one of
your friends at the bar to go and have a drink. Would you
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cancel on your friend to go and have a drink with him so

you could hang out with the homeless person, or would
you say to the homeless person, Im sorry, Ive got a
prearranged engagement with my friend, Ive got to go?
I think most people in that situation realistically would go
and meet up with their friend and cancel on the homeless
person. Why ? Because the friend in your life is
somebody important to you, and someone you know,
whereas you dont perceive the homeless person as being
able to add the same amount of value to your life. You
feel you owe your friend because of all the times the two
of you have hung out, and that its not really polite to
cancel and hang out with a homeless person.
When you first meet a girl, youre kind of in that
homeless guys position. Shes already got other guys in
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her life. Shes got other friends that she knows. She
doesnt really need to add someone else to her life. So
given a choice between hanging out with someone like
you who shes just met, even if shes had a very
comfortable conversation with you, versus hanging out
with somebody shes known for a very long time, a
potential person she might want to date, or just a person
she enjoys hanging out with, its going to be a really easy
to say sorry, she doesnt want to hang out with you, but
shes likely to hang out with the other person.
Now, lets make things a little bit more interesting. Lets
imagine that that homeless person says to you, Listen,
Ive got to tell you the truth. This is a disguise; I dont
really look like this. Im actually an undercover police
officer and were doing an incredibly important raid and

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we need somebody to talk to me right now, to go to the

bar with me so it looks like I actually know somebody
who isnt a cop so I can keep my cover. This is really
important, a matter of high security; there are terrorist
acts going on, were trying to hold it back
The point is, if the homeless person adds value to your
life by suddenly becoming very interesting and telling you
its a matter of home security and there are terrorists all
around or whatever basically brings you into an
equivalent of a live James Bond movie where its going to
get interesting, and you feel important; theres a much
better chance of you going to the bar with the homeless
person now, because somethings really interesting.
Or, if while talking to the homeless person he says to
you, Listen, Im actually a millionaire. I keep things
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quiet; I dont like telling anyone, but Im getting old and I

want to donate my money to somebody. Youre the first
person to stop and talk to me. Id love to go have a drink
with you and maybe discuss about giving you some of my
wealth. Im trying to give away $10,000 every day to
different people I meet who actually bother to talk to
me. Once again you would say to your friend, Look
buddy, Im not going to meet you right now, Im going to
talk to a guy about a business deal, and youre going to
go and learn how you can get the $10,000.
The point is, this homeless guy now adds value to your
life, either by being interesting or by giving you some
kind of wealth. Or what if he stops you and tells you that
hes actually a big business mogul and hes doing a
psychological experiment to see if anybody would want to

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talk to him while hes homeless? The situations go on and

on. The point is, if you see potential value in that
homeless person, you will now hang out with them if
you feel that theyre going to add value to your life.
Now ironically, you could have potentially added value to
theirs just by giving them money. So in the first situation,
if it was about you adding value to them, if thats what
you really cared about and wanted to do, then you would
have just cancelled on your friend and decided to start
adding value to the homeless guys life. But no what
youre interested in is whether you perceive that they can
add value to you, and thats why adding value to
somebodys life is an incredibly important part.
When youre talking to a girl you need to start thinking
about different ways that you can add value to their life.
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But heres where the difficult part is Although you

adding value to them is something that they perceive
that they want, its them adding value to your life that
makes them like you and respect you.
For example, if the homeless person just gives you that
$10,000, how long would it be before you forget about
him? You take the money, you go home, you dont want
to hang out with him anymore because he smellsyou
can justify why you dont have to see him ever again.
You take the value, and then you move on. Essentially,
you become a freeloader.
When youre talking to a girl, if you decide youre going
to add value to her life (well talk about different ways of
doing it in a second); lets just say for arguments sake
you give her $10,000, shell take the $10,000 and go;
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theres no reason for her to be a part of your life, she

takes that value and leaves.
The key to getting somebody to add value to your life is
to get them to chase the value that they perceive you
have. So essentially, she believes you could give her
$10,000, so she works hard to try and get it. She has
then invested in you. The harder that shes working to
get you, the more value she believes you have, and the
more she wants that payout. The harder shes working,
the more she wants the reward, and then of course the
harder shell keep working at that.
In fact, I read an incredibly good study the other day that
talks about this exact process. You can think about it in a
very simple way by imagining a game. The game is an
auction where you auction off a 20 dollar bill amongst
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your friends. The only catch to this auction is, the person
who bids the highest gets the $20, but the person who
comes second not only doesnt get the $20, but they also
have to pay the money.
Whats fascinating about this is that as long as people
start bidding, it doesnt take long before people are
bidding well in excess of the $20. At some point, its not
about whether they can get the money anymore; its
about making sure that they dont lose an amount of
money. After all, no one wants to come in second place,
so first and second will keep bidding with each other to
compete to go as high as they can, the reason being
theyve stopped chasing the thing that they want and
now theyre chasing after their loss. They want to limit
their losses and get the most they can for their bidding.

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In the example of talking to human beings and building a

connection with them, when somebody starts to invest in
you to gain value that they perceive that you have, they
will work harder and harder to get that value. And the
more they invest in trying to get that value, the harder
theyll work. At some point it doesnt become about trying
to get that value anymore, its just about saving face and
proving that they were working towards getting you all
along because they actually like you, not just because
they wanted the value that you have.
So, the key to adding value to somebody isnt to actually
add the value, its to let them see that you have a value
and get them to chase that value that you have. The way
we do this is by using the commonalities we spoke about
earlier as key things we know that person is interested in.

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For example, youre talking to a girl and it turns out that

shes incredibly interested in art. This has come out
through building commonalities, and youve learned that
she really enjoys talking about art. Now, youre aware
that this girl is probably going to be interested in a brand
new art gallery, or any gallery that shes never heard of.
At this point in the
conversation I would talk
about an art gallery. I would
say, Oh my gosh! Have you
heard about such and such
art gallery? At which point
shes going to say either yes
or no. If she hasnt heard about that art gallery, I now
have a piece of value. I have information that she doesnt

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know about that shes going to want to get access to.

Then shes going to say, Oh my gosh; that sounds
amazing. I would love to see that art gallery.
Then Im going to sell it. Im going to talk about all the
great things about that gallery and why its so good. All
Im doing is hyping up the concept of this particular art
gallery, getting her excited so that shes going to want to
see it. If shes into paintings, Im going to talk about all
the paintings there. If shes into obscure little art
galleries, Im going to talk about how Im not surprised
shes never heard about it because most people have
never heard about this art gallery. Im going to build up
this art gallery so that it sounds absolutely amazing, and
shes going to want to be a part of it.

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Then she says to me, I would love to go to this place.

Do you have the details? At which point I can say, You
know what? I dont remember offhand exactly where it is,
what the name of it is or anything, but I know Ive got it
written down at home. Heres what Ill do. Ill get the
details and send them to you. Now Ive added a
significant amount of value, and Ive got her interested in
trying to find out more about the art gallery. The point is,
Im showing that Ive got value and Im letting her try
and find it.
Another example of this and this is one that I use
absolutely all the time, is film-making. Ive been learning
about film-making for an incredibly long time. Ive got all
my own camera equipment, Ive got all my own lights; in
fact, the whole setup I use to record my instructional

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videos is all my own personal equipment that Ive

collected over the years. I know how all of it works and I
really enjoy doing it. If you follow my stuff, youre
probably aware that film is something that Im really
interested in.
When I meet a girl whos an actress or something like
that, I dont present it like, Oh yeah, Im a producer and
I could totally put you in a film. And I definitely dont say
it like, Oh, Im a big filmmaker; youd absolutely love to
be with me. What I do is talk about their love of acting
and all the different things that theyve done, and then I
start a conversation about acting. At some point the girl
looks at me and says, Wow, youre really knowledgeable
about this. How do you know so much about acting? At
this point I casually say, Oh, you know what? I make a

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few films every now and then. I play it down. I dont

make it sound like its a big deal, and I definitely dont
offer to do anything for her.
What happens is she starts putting the pieces together in
her head, Wow, this guy just said he makes films. Im an
actress; I want to be in films. And at this point shell
start chasing. Shell try to learn more about me; she
doesnt want to come across too eager, but she will start
to work at impressing me, work at getting me to like her,
and then shes going to try and build that connection. I
didnt offer to do anything, and Im not suggesting that
Im going to do anything. Shes building it up in her own
mind. She perceives me as somebody who has value, and
now shes trying to gain access to it. The key to adding

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value to somebody at any point is to make sure you play

it down, but allow them to try and chase it.
Another good example of this: I meet a lot of successful
students, a lot of personal clients who come to me for
private training who make a lot of money. These guys
tend to drive incredibly nice cars, and theyre always
asking me, How do I show that I have a nice car that I
know girls like without looking like a douche bag? The
way you do it is you
dont show off the
car. Instead, you just
have conversation
with a girl, and at
some point you justify why you could give her a ride
somewhere.

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Maybe at the end of the night you offer to give her and
her friends a ride home. Maybe you talk about a great
coffee shop down the road thats a few minutes away but
youll happily drive her there. At some point during the
conversation, you get her into your car. When she sees
the car she says, Wow, youve got a really nice car! And
then you can play it down; Oh, its not as good as you
think. It doesnt get great mileage, and honestly, I
shouldve bought something sensible like a Prius or
something; but whatever, it was pretty and I got it.
By talking about it that way, youre playing it down and
sounding like youre not bragging, while getting the full
benefit of having something that the girl is going to be
impressed with. The key to adding value is to talk about
it in a way that you dont sound like your bragging.

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Youre just adding it to the conversation as a small

element, and youre definitely not looking to show off to
her or tell her what you could potentially do for her.
Another example of this that I get a lot is students that
go to college, and they meet a girl who wants some help
studying. The girl says something like, Im really
struggling with this project. Could you help me do it?
And the guy says, Yeah, no problem. She sends him
the work, and he does the work for her. Another example
of this is girls that dont know how to write a resume.
They say to the guy, Hey, could you help me with my
resume? and they send it to the guy and he does it for
them - Dont do it for them. If you do it for them, you are
adding value, but youre adding too much value youre

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basically giving the value away. She takes the value, she
says thank you very much and off she goes.
You want to add value. You want to make it appear that
you have some great value that you can add to her life
and get her to chase it. The way I do that in helping with
a resume or homework is Ill say to them, Yeah, no
problem. Ill gladly help you when are you free? I get
the girl to meet up with me, and then when she meets
up with me I go through it with her and I show her why
things work. I explain to her, If I do it for you, youll
never be able to do it again whereas if I show you how to
do it, youll be able to do it; Ill teach you a very simple
way of doing it and you wont need anyones help again.
That way she perceives me as someone that can add
value in her life in many other ways. Any time she does
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have a problem, shes going to come to me because shes

going to want to learn how to solve it rather than just
having me do it for her and being just one of a random
bunch of people that she uses. While shes using every
other guy in her life to do things for her, she has to
actually hang out with me to get the value of being with
me and that is the key to adding value to their life.
Its getting them to see you as somebody who could add
value in their life, and then getting them to chase it so
that they work hard to bring that value in their life. And
the harder that she chases you to get that value, the
more shes going to want you to stay in her life, and this
here is the key to comfort. The key is to make the girl
work hard to get the value that you have.

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Chapter 8 The close

Once youve got the girl to realize that youre
somebody who does add value or could add value
to their life, the next thing you want to do is get
their contact details.
Now, there are a
number of different
ways of getting
somebodys contact
details. These methods range from incredibly easy
to do to being very difficult. But the easier it is to
do, the less chance its going to turn into attraction,
and the harder it is to do, the better the chance

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there is that its going to turn into attraction. What

youve got to do is work out which one you think
youve got a better chance of doing, then pick the
one that makes sense for you.

The Networking Close

The first way to get someones contact details is
what I like to call the networking close. The
networking close is literally what it sounds like
networking. It has to do with work and business. It
is very difficult to turn this into attraction, because
most people dont like mixing business with
pleasure but that doesnt mean it cant be done.

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The way you network-close somebody is when

youre having a conversation and youve done all
the techniques weve spoken about do far, and
youve found commonalities with the other person,
typically related to work. When you have that
commonality regarding work you say, My gosh,
were in the same industry. Or if youve used an
indirect commonality:
Wow, youre in the
same industry as my
friend. I should put the
two of you in touch, or
We should stay in
touch. Whats the best
way of staying in touch? At that point, youre using

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work as a justification for why the two of you

should stay in touch.
Another way this works if youre not in the same
industry is if theyre in an industry you could
potentially use in your job. For example, if you
meet a realtor, you can say, You know what, Im
thinking about maybe getting another property at
some point soon. Id love to discuss it with you.
Whats the best way of staying in touch? If you
find that somebody sells cars or works in marketing
and would help your business, whatever it is, its a
very easy way of getting their contact details.
The problem is, most of the time when you do that,
youre going to get stuck in a business relationship.
Not so bad if youre trying to build friendships with
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people, or maybe even network, but for building

attraction its not always the best way to do it. But
it doesnt mean it cant be done.
Ive got this one story that I love telling about this
that illustrates this point well in which I used
networking in order to get someones contact
details, and then to generate attraction. The way I
did it is very simple. I met a girl who was dancing
in nightclub. I went up to her and said, I
absolutely love your dancing, I saw it earlier. Its
really impressive stuff and actually stands out.
Youre not like the usual girls who come here and
dance. I just wanted to take the time to let you
know.

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At this point, Im giving her a compliment about her

dancing, and as we spoke about earlier, this is
something that she would have worked to get good
at so I know its going to be received well. She
says, Thanks ever so much. Actually, I was a
professional dancer. I said, Arent all the girls in
nightclubs professional dancers? So now I was just
learning information. She said, No, actually theyre
not. Most of the girls that come to these clubs
arent, but I do this professionally. I actually do
music videos and things like that. I said, Wow,
thats amazing! Its incredibly impressive that you
do all this stuff. Have you been in any music videos
I might know? And she said, Yeah, I was in Eric
Prydzs Call on Me video. And in fact, this girl

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really was. If you watch the video again, youll see

shes the girl in the pink and blue leotard.
So I said, Wow, thats incredible. You know what?
One of my friends has a nightclub and hes always
looking for dancers. I would love to put the two of
you in touch. She agreed and we swapped contact
details. Now this was the first step. We were
essentially just doing networking. She gave me her
contact details because she actually wanted to get
work at my friends club. And Im not lying; I really
do have a friend with a nightclub, so I put the two
together but naturally, I came along to that
meeting. As I said, its not about doing things for
them, its about making them realize that theres

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value in you. So I set up a meeting between the

three of us and introduced the two.
I sat there through the whole meeting and guided
her through, making sure she got the job. I told my
friend that he has to employ her, and sure enough,
she got the gig doing some work at my friends
nightclub. She was incredibly thankful and I said,
Hey, how come if youve been in this big music
video, youre not making loads of money? Why do
you need to keep working in nightclubs? She
explained that when the video went live, even
though it went viral, her company didnt get any of
the credit for it because it wasnt owned by them; it
was uploaded by someone else. I said, You

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should have set up a You Tube channel and built

that up. She said she had no idea how to do it.
I said, I could totally show you how to do that.
She said, That would be great! I said, Alright,
but dinners on you then, and she said fine. So Im
now going to dinner with an incredibly beautiful girl
whos been in Eric Prydzs Call on Me video. She sat
down with me and I explained to her how You
Tube works; I took her through the whole process.
Now at the end of it, Ive done two favors for her.
One, Ive connected her with my friend which by
the way, I also did a favor for my friend, so Im
definitely not freeloading in either situation, and
both of them think that Im a really helpful guy.
Secondly, Ive helped her out with her You Tube
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channel, but in return Ive got a free meal, which

again Im not going to complain about because we
went to a really nice restaurant. So in both
situations Ive done okay; Ive helped out my
friends and Ive gained a free meal out of it.
But this is where the really powerful part came in.
She says to me, Is there anything else I can do for
you? I said, I dont know, is there anything else
you can do for me? And she said Look, Im going
to a nightclub with all the girls from the Call on Me
video. Its supposed to be girls only, but Im sure I
could bring you along and introduce you to all the
girls. Would that be of any interest to you? I said,
Yes; yes, that would be perfect.

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And so I get to go out with this girl and all of her

friends. Now if
youve paid
attention throughout
this program, youll
know that I just gained pre-selection; I just gained
a hell of a lot of comfort with all of those girls, and
of course, beyond the girl that I first spoke to, all of
the others have attraction for me because I have
pre-selection from this one girl. By the end of the
night, I have two or three of the girls making out
with me and it was a very powerful position to be
in because of that pre-selection.
The point is that if you use the networking close,
even though you may not get the person youre

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talking to, you can swing it into attraction from the

others by using pre-selection which if youve been
reading this program youll realize is an incredibly
important part of attraction and something that can
be very useful to you.

Place of Interest
The next way to get someones contact details is
with a place of interest. We spoke about this earlier
with regards to the art gallery. With a place of
interest, youre essentially trying to get their
contact details based on a hobby. So youd find out
that theyre maybe interested in art, or working out
at the gym, whatever it is that theyre interested in,
and then you can say to them, You know what? I
know this great place that does whatever it is
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theyre interested in. You could say that youd

happily send them the details about it, at which
point theyll say, Yeah, Id love that. Then you
can say, Hey, whats the best way of staying in
touch? Ill get the details and send them to you.
The point here is, youre not actually saying lets
go to this place together, Im just saying Im going
to get the contact details and send it to them. At
that point its via text messages, and youre then
going to try and swing it so that the person does
want to go there with you. Again, this isnt the best
way to go about setting up a date with somebody,
but it is a very simple way of getting the
conversation started.

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If you want to make sure that you actually go on a

date to that place with them, the next potential
way of getting their contact details might be a little
bit better, or even something that were going to
talk about later on called reducing flakes. Either
way, at this point when youre getting the
information, you just offer to send them the
information about the place theyre interested in.

The Party Close

The third one and this is the one that I love the
most; I think Ive used this one to get somebodys
contact details more than any other method that
Ive used in my entire life. This one is called the
party close.

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The party close is all about inviting them to a group

event. Now, a
group event is
incredibly powerful
because the girl
realizes that the chance of you actually doing
anything sexual with them where theyre going to
feel uncomfortable is incredibly low, because there
are other people there. The irony behind that is
that theyre going to be much more likely to go out
with you because they feel safer, or they feel more
comfortable.
But the best thing is, because they feel so
comfortable, theyre much more likely to want to do
things with you. All you have to do is get them to

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step away from their friends in order for something

to happen.
The way that you do the party close is to organize
a regular event that you invite people out to. If
youve been looking at the pre-selection stuff we
spoke about at the beginning of the program, a
very easy way to do that is to organize Thursday
night drinks after work, or to organize going out
once a month with your cousins, or to organize a
whole bunch of friends after gym class to go to a
nightclub that evening. Whatever the situation is,
you organize something on a regular basis, the
point being you know when the next event is going
to happen.

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In Austin, Texas, my friends and I have a bunch of

events that we organize. A cocktail party once a
week on a Sunday; we organize regular Laser Tag
every Monday; the point is that we have these
regular events that we can invite someone to when
we meet them. So all you have to do is pick an
event that you can organize on a semi regular
basis. It can be once a month, or once every two
months, or whatever it is that you want. Then
when you meet somebody, you can use that and
find out if thats something that theyre interested
in.
By making it something fun and generic like a
cocktail party or Laser Tag or bowling, its
something that a lot of people can join in with and

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be interested in. You can use that as a way of

inviting them and their friends to an event. And
because theyre going to get to bring their friends,
they feel safer about it.
What youll find is that most of the time, they dont
bring too many friends anyway. In fact, in almost
every situation where Ive told a girl she can bring
her friends, shell bring one or nobody. But because
she feels that she can, she feels its a safe event
where there are going to be other people around
and she doesnt have to worry about any unwanted
advances by you. Thats going to make her feel
comfortable. Shes going to see that you have a
whole bunch of pre-selection and social proof from
all of the people around you who know who you

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are and who are interacting with you, and youre

going to be at your most attractive.
At that point, shes going to have to invest and try
hard to communicate with you because youre
going to have so many people vying for your
attention. Then she will value and respect any of
the attention you give her, and at that point shes
going to really enjoy having that conversation with
you. Thats the reason why I love the party close,
and its the one that I use most often. I use it
because I know that in that situation Im at my
most valuable, and it is the easiest to turn a
comfort interaction into one where Ive got
attraction. So thats the one that Im always going
to default to myself.

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But the easiest way of doing that is a time when

youre already organizing somewhat of a regular
event. So maybe drum up some of your friends,
pick an event youd like to do on maybe a monthly
basis, and make sure you set that up, even if it is
just going to a certain nightclub once a month.
The final way of getting someones contact details
is the direct close. The direct close is exactly what
it sounds like. You say, Hey, you know what? Ive
really enjoyed this conversation; Id love to keep it
going with you. Whats the best way of staying in
touch? Or you can say, Hey, this was a lot of fun.
We should keep it going. Whats the best way of
staying in touch? Or, You know what, Ive loved

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this. Id love to stay in touch with you. Whats the

best way of staying in touch?
The point is that you make it very clear that you
want to stay in touch with them, and so the two of
you swap contact details, based purely on the fact
that you guys have both enjoyed the conversation.
Now, if youre using this one, it should work 100%
- not because this one works 100% on its own, but
because you should use it when you are 100%
convinced that the girl is going to want to stay in
touch with you.
Thats why this technique can be so powerful,
because youre only using it when you know its
going to work. You dont need a reason to stay in
touch with them, because the reason is the fact
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that the two of you have enjoyed the interaction. If

they say no to you at this point, it means that you
did not have that level of comfort built up with
them, and that instead of using that particular
technique, you should have used the party close or
one of the others.
Whichever one of these techniques you use, youll
notice that I didnt say, Hey, can I have your
phone number? I said, Whats the best way of
staying in touch? And there are two reasons for
this. One, Hey, can I have your phone number,
just sounds too much like a cheesy pick up line.
The more you can move away from sounding like
youre using cheesy pick up lines, the better.

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The second reason for this is that by saying,

Whats the best way of staying in touch? youre
actually allowing them to use things like Face Book,
Twitter and email and nowadays, people dont
use their phone as much as they used to, despite
the fact that five years ago, the phone was
probably the most common way of staying in
touch.
I would actually argue that nowadays Face Book is
a much better way of staying in touch with
somebody, most of the time because people spend
more time checking their Face Book than they do
their phone; but also via Face Book she can see
that youve got other people in your life, see that
youve got friends, see that you do fun and

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interesting things, and it will make her feel a little

more comfortable staying in touch with you. So
Face Book arguably is a much better way of staying
in touch with somebody than phone. So by opening
up with Whats the best way of staying in touch,
youve got a much better chance of having a means
of communication that they feel is the best.
If you really do want her phone number and want
to ensure that thats what you get, one thing you
can do is as you say Whats the best way of
staying in touch? you can pull out your phone and
hold it open to the keypad. The girl will see the
keypad, and then shell probably just give you her
phone number.

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Another couple of things about that; whenever you

pull out your phone and ask for someones contact
details, your success rate will pretty much double.
If they see the phone in your hand, just by
compliance it makes them much more likely to give
you their contact details. So I would argue that
whenever you say Whats the best way of staying
in touch? you should pull your phone out anyway.
Another thing to do if you really want to make sure
that you get the phone number is to start dialing in
the area code for the city that youre currently in.
For example, in Austin, Texas, most peoples phone
numbers start with 512. So when I pull out my
phone I can say, Hey, whats the best way of
staying in touch? 512 and then the girls going to

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either auto complete her phone number, or shes

going to disprove me, No, Im not on a 512, Im
214, at which point I go, 214 then of course
shell complete the number herself. Thats a very
nice way of nudging that conversation into going
the way that I want it to in terms of getting her
contact details.

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Chapter 9 Flakes
Those are the different techniques you can use to
get someones contact details, and if youve done it
correctly, they should want to stay in touch with
you. However, there is always a chance that youre
going to get a flake. What Im going to talk about
now is the best way to reduce those flakes.
One of the things that students absolutely hate
about going out and meeting girls is when they
flake. Its a horrible situation; youve met a girl,
youve had a great conversation with them, then
for whatever reason, she decides she doesnt want
to stay in touch with you so she starts ignoring
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your text messages or phone calls and then she

essentially flakes. Whats worse is when you set up
a date with somebody and they totally flake on the
date and they dont come and hang out with you.
Reducing a flake is all about ensuring that the initial
interaction is so solid that they would feel bad for
flaking on you. And the way you do this is by
having a longer interaction. Ive found that with
almost every single student Ive ever had who has
had a flake from a girl, it has come from a number
of factors. One, the initial interaction was far too
short.
If you think about it, if youre only having a short 3minute interaction with a girl and then she goes off
and she has the rest of the day, that 3-minute
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interaction can get lost during the day, and its not
long before youre just some random guy that was
talking to her in the street. No matter how good
the conversation was, if it was only 3 to 5 minutes
long, shes not really going to remember it as being
something that great.
On the other hand, if when you met her your
interaction lasted 20 minutes, half an hour, 45
minutes or an hour, two hours, youre going to
have a much better chance of them remembering
exactly who you are. When I first meet a girl, I try
to make sure that my initial interaction lasts at least
an hour or two. That way I know that shes going
to remember exactly who I am, and shes going to
want to spend time with me.

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The next factor in why people tend to get flakes is

that the reason they use to stay in touch is not
something the girl really cares about. I had a friend
who would always invite girls out to eat at an
Ethiopian restaurant with him, and girls would
cancel on that all the time. They would always flake
and not show up.
He said to me, I dont understand, we have a
great interaction, it can last an hour, and then they
dont show up. I said to him, Did you consider the
fact that maybe she just doesnt want to eat at an
Ethiopian restaurant? The minute he changed it
up and started finding out what the girls favorite
food was, then inviting them to a restaurant that
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sold their favorite type of food rather than one

theyd never heard of before, his flake rate
drastically decreased and he had more and more
girls going out with him. Why? Because people are
very aware of their time; time is valuable to them,
and they dont want to waste their time doing
something they dont necessarily enjoy.
I had a student the other day who met a girl on
Saturday, made out with her, and the next day he
invited her to go to a gun shooting event, and she
flaked on him. I said to him, Why did you invite
her to a gun shooting event? She wanted to hang
out with you and have dinner. He said, Well, I
thought it would be fun to go and shoot some
guns. I said, Did you ever consider whether she

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liked shooting guns or not? He said, Well, she

doesnt like shooting guns, but I thought it would
be a great way of getting her into it. I said, But
she doesnt want to do it, thats why she flaked!
She didnt flake on you, she flaked on the gun
event. She doesnt want to go and shoot guns, she
told you that. By you trying to force her into it, she
knows youre not the kind of person she wants to
be with.
One of the other reasons that girls flake is because
they dont want to do whatever the activity is that
youve asked them to do. The third and final cause
of flaking is that you dont give them a reason to
hang out with you. Some people will say, Hey do

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you want to hang out sometime? Why would she

want to hang out sometime?
If a girl is beautiful; if youre attracted to her, shes
probably got options. I would argue that any
beautiful girl Ive ever met has multiple guys she
can choose from to hang out with. The guy that
she hangs out with is the one she feels shes going
to get the most value out of hanging out with.
Shes going to enjoy the time with him, shes going
to have a lot of fun, and shes going to enjoy going
on that activity.
Given a choice between just hanging out with a
guy just for the sake of hanging out and buying a
drink, versus going to a mini golf course late at
night with neon and a DJ, shes probably going to
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go to the mini golf course because thats fun and

thats something she hasnt done before.
For example, when we meet girls and invite them
to Laser Tag, its really easy to get them to go,
because its something they havent done since
they were kids, its a very non-threatening
environment, and sounds like a lot of fun. What we
dont tell them is that after Laser Tag we tend to go
and get food, then after that we go to a bar. At
that point, theyre kind of committing to all three
because after Laser Tag everyones hungry and
wants to get food, and then after food everyone
wants to go to the bar. But they feel comfortable
and safe coming to Laser Tag, and its a lot more

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fun than hanging out with a random guy theyve

just met.
The point is, if you dont give someone a reason to
hang out with you, why would they hang out with
you? I always say it like this: If youre a dude and
you meet a guy in a bar and the guy says to you,
Hey, lets just hang out one day, would you say
yes to that? Probably not. To a girl, you are just a
guy in a bar.
Its exactly the same as if you were to meet a guy
in a bar; to her its just a dude in a bar. She hasnt
made a commitment to whether she wants to have
sex with you or not, shes just looking at you as
guy in a bar and she doesnt just want to hang out;
she wants to hang out for a reason. If you give her
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a reason and its a fun reason and something shes

going to enjoy, nine times out of ten shell come
out just for that reason; it sounds like fun anyway.
And the fact that youre there is an added bonus.
Then she can get to meet you at that event and get
to know you.
Thats why whenever Im setting people up to come
out on dates with me, Im always trying to make
sure theyre fun and interesting activities that
anybody would want to go to, irrespective of dating
or not. Thats one of the best ways of reducing
flakes.
To sum up, one: Make sure that youre having a
good interaction with them that lasts for a solid
period of time. Two: Make sure that the event
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youre inviting them out for is something theyd

actually be interested in doing. Three: Make sure
youre actually inviting them out for an event. Have
something that they can do beyond just hanging
out with you.
If you do that, youre going to find that your flakes
drastically drop, and that the people you speak to
are going to want to talk to you, and they are going
to want to stay in touch with you and hang out
with you.

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Conclusion
So if we look at everything as a recap, the first
thing that youre trying to do with anyone that you
meet is to get them to want to spend time with
you. If they dont want to spend time with you,
then youve got no chance of turning it into any
level of attraction.
And the easiest way of making someone feel
comfortable and want to spend time with you is to
build up comfort with them. If they feel comfort
with you, theyre going to be okay hanging out with
you.
Comfort is a mixture of trust and rapport. If the
person trusts that youre not going to do anything

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horrible to them, and they have some kind of

commonality with you, theyre going to feel
comfortable talking to you, and theyre going to
have things to talk about with you. Then all you
have to do is make sure youre responding to
absolutely everything they say and encouraging the
conversation to go down the lines that the other
person is interested in talking about.
Make sure that you use conversational flow to
respond to the things theyre saying, and keep the
entire thing going and find out how you can
potentially be seen as someone who could add
value to their life.
Get them to chase that value; get them to try and
find out as much as they can, or get you to add
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value to their life as much as possible, and the

harder they work at putting that value in, the more
theyll want to spend time with you.
Then you can use that to justify why you should
get their contact details. Get their contact details
and stay in touch. By making sure the reason for
staying in touch with you is something they care
about, theyre not going to flake.
And once theyve started hanging out with you,
theyre going to want to keep hanging out with
you.
As long as you remember this throughout all of the
interactions that you have, youll find that almost
everybody you speak to is going to want to spend

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time with you. Theyre going to want to be with

you, and theyre going to feel incredibly
comfortable being around you and having you as a
part of your life.

At this point, people are going to look at you and

think, This is somebody who makes a great friend.
This is somebody that I love having in my life. And
everybody around you is going to wonder why
everyone who meets you loves you and wants you
to be a part of their life.

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Once youve built up this solid foundation of people

that want to hang out with you and want to be with
you, you can use that to generate pre-selection, a
lot of social proof to add social value, to help you
network within your business, and more
importantly have an incredibly solid foundation
from which you can build attraction with any of
those girls in your life.

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