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Transformed: Principles in Spiritual Development

Qabeelah Safaa
June 23, 2014
These notes cover the material presented at the Transformed: Principles in Spiritual Developemnt course
taught by Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed through the Qabeelat Safaa chapter of the Al-Maghrib Institute.
Change in tonalities in the notes reflect the different note takers that were all involved in the comprehensiveness of the compilation of this work. A special thanks to Samir Khan for writing thorough notes and
for Ahmad Saleem in compiling this work. And thank you to Omar Khan, Hend Sherif, Maryam Khan,
and Alisha Gaffoor for sending in their notes to contribute in the compilation. May Allah reward them and
all the volunteers and Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed and all those that made this event and these class notes
possible. And may Allah this to be a means of greater good in this life and a means of great benefit for us
in the Afterlife as we transform and become totally His. Ameen.

CONTENTS

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Contents
1 Introduction to Love
1.1 The Source of Love . . . . . . . . . . .
1.2 Running After Creation . . . . . . . .
1.3 Enjoyment of True Love Only Without
1.4 Loving the Giver More Than the Gift
1.5 Focus (Tawhid ) . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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2 Introduction to the Heart

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2.1 Function of the Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
2.2 Importance of the Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
3 Attachments - Emptying the Vessel
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3.1 Love of Dunya . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
3.2 Center of Gravity and Master . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
3.3 Broken Hearts and Attachment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
4 Love
4.1 Number 1 Greatest Motivator . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
4.2 Medias Definition of Love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
4.3 Difference Between Love and Attachment . . . . . . .
4.4 Love for the Sake of Allah/Love Without Attachment

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5 Hardships and Pain

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5.1 Husnl-Zun Billah . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
5.2 Reactions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
6 Dhikr - Filling the Vessel
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6.1 Tawakkul . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29
6.2 Tawhid of Dependency . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
7 Introduction to the Creation
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7.1 Rectifying Relationship with the Creation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
8 Parents
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8.1 Rights . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
8.2 Seeking Approval Versus Pleasing Allah . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32
8.3 When You Cant Please Parents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32
9 Friends
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9.1 Neediness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
9.2 Dependency . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
10 Spouse
10.1 Fairy Tales . . . . . . . . . . .
10.2 Complete or Complement . . .
10.3 Savior? . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
10.4 End of the Story/Search? . . .
10.5 Marriage as Character Builder

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11 Children

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12 Self-Image

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13 Society

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INTRODUCTION

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Introduction
The goal for this course is for you to become unrecognizable. To become transformed. This is about experiencing
profound transformation, becoming a whole new person. Sometimes old friends say, Oh you have really
changed. Is that a bad thing? When does something stop changing? When it is dead! So change is not a
bad thing. Its not something to fear. As long as there is life in something it is always growing and always
changing. We should always want to grow and change. Well, we hope that we always change and grow for the
better! You are never standing still! You are actually moving downhill if you feel you are still. We have to be
like trees- always growing.
Expecting our iman to always be on a high like in Ramadan is unrealistic. Part of the path are the ups and
downs of eman. Yes, even the downs!
We were with the Messenger of Allah and we spoke of Paradise and Hell until it was as if we could see them.
Then I got up and went to my family and children, and I laughed and played (with them). Then I remembered
how we had been, and I went out and met Abu Bakr, and said: I have become a hypocrite! Abu Bakr said: We
all do that. So Hanzalah went and mentioned that to the Prophet, who said: O Hanzalah, if you were (always)
as you are with me, the angels would shake hands with you in your beds and in your streets. O Hanzalah,
there is a time for this and a time for that.
Ibn Maja
Ustadhas comment: [Eman always going up] Not happening! The dips are part of the journey.
So the question is how do we prevent our Imaan from falling downhill and always falling?
How do we keep ourselves away from the big dip and how do we minimize the small dips? Consistent
dhikr(remembrance of Allah), especially salah(formal prayer with remembrance)! When you abandon the
commands of Allah the crashes happen. Even if you have a low eman, still pray and remember Allah. For
Example: Allah menitons how the salaah protects us from shameless and bad deeds. Never slacken and give
up on your Salah even when you are your lowest low! Even in your lowest low you still breathe otherwise you
know youll die. Similarly, we must pray and keep our heart alive even in the lowest points of our life.
You hear stories of people who used to give dawah, and be super righteous and Islamic, then they completely
360. How did that happen? Lack of dhikr. Dont ever stop praying, ever.
When Allah talks about Salah in the Quran he emphasizes istiqama (to be firm and to establish it). He
commands us by saying Aqeemusalah (Establish the prayer) rather than just saying Salloo (Pray!). What
does establishing the prayer mean? That t must be established in your life. That is how we help with the ups
and downs in your life.
So even if we do have a crash, we must know how to get out of it! We do NOT just stay there. What is our
response after you slip? Its not are you going to fall? Its what do you do after? The art of Tawbah. This
is what determines our success or failure. A gymnast needs to learn the art of falling and coming back up.
The art of repentance is how we as Muslims learn the art of falling. If you say Im never going to fall, then
youre setting yourself up to failure. Shaytans favorite tactic is despair. He tells us, you messed up, just stay
there. He wants us to lose hope in Allah. We think, I messed up really bad this time, why pray? I feel like a
hypocrite. Dont go there. Keep praying.
Back to one of the main questions, If our eman goes up and down and the dips are also part of the path, then
what should be our goal? That even with highs and lows our eman displays an upward trend. So this means
that year after year your life should be better always improve. The issue is not whether you are going to crash
or slip. The issue is how will you respond after the crash.
For our goal of self transformation, the butterfly is a highly appropriate symbol for this course; its metamorphosis is symbolic for a variety of reasons. As a butterfly exits a cocoon, it does not do so easily: it does so with
great effort that removes the fluid from its wings, allowing it to fly. A child might see a butterfly struggling to
break free, intervene, and inadvertently cripple it. The butterfly was designed by the same Creator as us.

INTRODUCTION

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Another example: consider a child watching his parents struggle to lift weights at the gym. He might foolishly
try and help them, but has in fact impaired their progress. There are spiritual weights also and we must lift
them as well. So these struggles are a part of the blessing of awakening ourselves, they are designed by Him
who knows whats best for us and He designed the system of Islam that teaches the best way for us to achieve
those things we are in need of.
An important principal to take away: can Allah be seen? No. Neither can angels, heaven, hell, but we believe
in them nonetheless. But we can still know about these, through revelation and the scientific method. By
observing what we can see, we can learn about the unseen. There are signs of the unseen all around us, but not
everyone is able to understand them.
This is because not everyone is looking for them and not everyone can read1 those signs. We must learn to read
them, to shift our paradigm to see the signs of Allah everywhere we look. This is a lens we must constantly
wear and is exemplified by the butterfly anecdote.
These lessons can be drawn from both the natural world and the experiences we go through - after all, those
too come from Allah. Good and bad times alike should be seen as instructive. Furthermore, tests are not
restricted to conventional hardship. Tests can also come as blessings and favors, and we can fail these tests
by forgetting Allah in our good fortune, without ever realizing we have been tested. The key to passing these
tests is remembering Allah and being grateful at all times.
In Surah al-Qasas, Allah tells us about a vastly wealthy man who lived around the time of Musa named Qarun.
He lived opulently, flaunting his wealth, and the some of the people who saw him wished for his wealth. But
another group, the knowledgable people, advised him to be grateful and humble for his wealth, and he replied,
Indeed, this has been given to me from a knowledge I have. Qasas7828
His worldly fortunes had led to arrogance, and many of us have similar responses to our accomplishments. We
believe them to come from ourselves, our excellence, our worthiness, our efforts, but we must remember that
plenty of people work hard without ever succeeding. This self-laudatory attitude in the face of blessings is
another way to fail the implicit test involved, just as Qarun did.
In the end, Qarun and his home were literally swallowed by the Earth. This was a punishment for failing the
test of ease, and so we must be cautious of failing similarly. By the very virtue of being in this class (or reading
this), we are on some level being tested by ease.
There is another response to blessings we must be wary of: claiming that God has favored and chosen you.
Equivalently, when we see people going through hardship, we often wonder what they did to deserve it, but it
is not so. Prophet Muhammad and many of his predecessors did not live in ease. They faced hardship after
hardship and the Prophet has told us that we are tested based in proportion to our iman.
Many of us have only been taught about Islam as a stringent yes/no flowchart in the form of haram and halal,
but it is much more. We often treat converts like this as well. We miss the whole point of Islam by handing
them the same list of rules we were handed, and asking them when theyll change their name.2
We all know the hadith about haram, halal, and doubtful matters, but do we know that it goes on to discuss
the importance of the heart? We cannot blindly follow rules like robots. We must also purify our hearts.
A common phrase people say nowadays, Im spiritual but not religious. Or some people say, I am spiritual
but dont believe in rules and organized religion. What you are actually saying is, I love God but dont want
to listen to Him. Or, Im spiritual but I dont want to show it in my actions.
Many people come up to Ustadha and say, i was praying but i wasnt feeling it so i stopped. She would ask
them, Are you doing it just to feel good? Because that in and of itself is the problem. Ultimately, this is
someone worshipping his own feelings. Is spirituality another high or is it for a higher purpose?
1 The

story of Prophet in the cave is also relevant here

debates embody this missing the forest for the tree mentality

2 Moon-sighting

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What is the problem there? What was my original to pray in the first place. Was it to feel good or was it to
please Allah. If i was doing it for Allah, it doesnt matter how I feel.
Love of a father or child necessitates showing it in the action, otherwise there is a problem in your love. If
Ahmad has an alarm where he needs to remember Sara, the real problem is that he doesnt really love her. Its
just lip service.
The purpose of our worship is to please God, not us. And this may be enjoyable for us, but it must not be
our primary purpose. If we love God, we must show it. Imagine a mother who claims to love her children, but
neglects them. Parents need not be reminded to care for their children or lovers to remember each other; even
so should we be with Allah.
There are two extremes we must avoid. At one end, people obsess over rules without realizing the importance
of the heart. At the other end though, are people who pray in their heart and have hijab in their heart,
and this is obviously a problem also. The key is the duality between our hearts and our actions: purifying one
cleanses the other and vice versa. We must have both the spirituality and the obedience.
Theres a big common question of our times that we will also discuss. The question is, Why do bad things
happen to good people? The short answer is that bad things dont happen to good people. Because if the
faith is there, there is nothing bad experienced, even the seemingly bad is actually good.
Taking this course will transform not only your heart, but all of your relationships. Friends, family, coworkers.
Because change comes from the inside out. We often fixate on worldly goals, thinking our happiness lives or
dies with them. But the true formula for happiness is to change our hearts, and the rest will follow. That
internal transformation is what this class is all about.
We all know we can go to Jannah by being good Muslims, but the point of this class is to realize that our
current lives can be improved by becoming closer to Islam. Part of improving our lives is understanding what
it means to have a good life, something we typically define in a narrow and close-minded fashion. Is a good
life about money? Power? It is about finding internal peace, and this is the true jannah of this life. But the
jannah in this life is only for the believer.
And those people who transform their insides will find a Jannah in this life! Huh? What is the Jannah of
this life? Is Jannah of this life..moneypopularityfame? You can run after the dunya you can get all the dunya
money status fame. You can get all those things, no problem. But when you look at all those people that have
those things, what are they doing? Many of themselves they are drinking and drugging themselves to death!
Why? Their souls are dying inside.
We start to experience life differently, we start to experience a Jannah in this life. But believe me and this is
what people miss a lot. Jannah in this life is ONLY for the believer. In other words, true happiness and true
peace and true contentment is only for the believer
Because Allah created the heart in a specific way. The heart is made by Allah for Allah. And if you try to fill
your heart with ANYTHING else, it will NEVER fill you, and it will NEVER give you true happiness. Thats
what Islam is about. This is the path to happiness.
When we go to Allah we are not doing Allah any favors. One of Allahs attributes is alghaniyy, the SelfSufficient. It is important for us to firmly believe that Allah is completely self-sufficient. For example, a doctor
does not prescribe medicine for his own well-being. When the doctor says stay away the prison. When you
follow the prescription of the doctor, do you benefit the doctor? No. Youre benefiting yourself. When you
disobey the doctor, who are you hurting? You or the doctor. You! This is why Allah describes sinning as
wronging ourselves, and so this class and transforming our inner selves benefits only us. Allah teaches us
Islam and is saying, This is the path which i advise you to take. This is the path to ultimate happiness, not
only in the Hereafter but also in this life.
We all want happiness, but it cannot be bought or found anywhere other than Allah. The only way to be
healthy is to listen to the doctor. And no matter what disease you have, the doctor does not force us to take
medicine. We are never too busy to take medicine or doing something more important, because our life depends
on it.

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Indeed in the remembrance of Allah do the hearts find peace. Which means you cant find peace in money.
And believe me there are tons and tons of people seeking peace in money. There are tons of people seeking
happiness in other than God. They think that you can disobey the doctor and your still going to be healthy
and happy and well. It doesnt work that way.
Allah know us better than any doctor. Allah created you and He created everything. And he is the one who
knows how we can be successful. You have to follow the prescription of the manufacturer.
WHEN you go to the doctor and he tells you have cancer. And he says you have to take this medicine 5 times
a day. What would you do? You would take the medicine. And no one takes all doses before I sleep, because
you know youll die like that.
What will happen to our body in 100 years? We will turn to dust. But our soul in 100 years, what happens to
it? It goes to Allah. It lives on.
We have a medicine and a prescription not by a doctor and by the Lord of the worlds. It is at a specific time,
because He knows how to exactly cure us of our cancers. And we all have spiritual cancers and they will kill
us if we dont take care of them.
Our salah is the thing that keeps our soul alive. When its not done or done properly, our woulds will die. Our
cancer will take over and KILL the heart. We put our prescription in the drawer and then we ask, why is this
cancer taking over my heart and soul? Im not praying and then i am still wondering why.
We as human beings are in a very tragic state. We take care of our bodies which will eventually return to the
soil, but we ignore the heart that will return to our Lord.
Whatever condition our heart and soul is in when we depart, we are STUCK with it. Not for 1 day or 2 days
or 3, but FOREVER. Angels can smell the good smell of the righteous soul lifting. What is that good smell?
And they will smell the bad smell of evil souls and say, What is that bad smell? And we may cry in regret,
saying, I had the chance to feed my soul, I had the chance to cleanse myself, but i didnt :(.
This is why this whole path and this whole endeavor is SO important. This is the most important endeavor of
our entire existence.
This isnt your REAL life. When we wake up and realize that, that is the beginning of our transformation.
This life that we are living right now is a preparation for the next life. how many of you have dreamed before?
how many have you had a bad dream? how many of you had a good dream? When youre in a dream does it
feel real? Yes. But when you wake up what do you realize? It wasnt real.
This isnt REAL life, its a preparation. And that is why Allah constantly reminding us in the Quran, that if
only humans understood the truth they would prepare for the Real Life! Some people are very keen on taking
care of the body. What happens when you miss fajr in Ramadan? You wake up and you are panicking and
maybe even crying. But you know why? Its not because of the damage to your soul. Its because you missed
suhoor and your body has to starve the whole day.
So essentially its the end of the universe as we know it. All because I missed a meal! And now I am freaking
out because I have to go however many more hours without food. What happens when we miss fajr the rest
11 months of the year? Who cares. We are very concerned when we dont feed our bodies, but we are not
concerned when we dont feed our souls.
All this is for our bodies. Our bodies, that will eventually return to the earth while our souls return to our
Creator. And that Creator has prescribed a medicine for us: prayer. If we do not take that medicine, disease
will corrode our hearts and souls. Whatever condition our hearts and souls are in when we die will remain with
us for eternity. This life is our only opportunity to cleanse our hearts and so we must capitalize on it.
Too often, we chase fleeting pleasures in this world, but turn away from things of lasting importance in the
next. For example, money. The only money that will be of use to us after we die is money we give for the
sake of Allah, but gaining more money and spending money are of central importance in nearly all of our lives.

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When we are pursuing goals, we should ask ourselves, Will this last? We cannot run after two things at
once, and it is far better to run after the next life than after this one.
The word tawbah literally means to return and we should constantly be returning to Allah. On a road trip,
we regularly check a map to make sure we have not gone astray and tawbah serves the same purpose on our
spiritual journey. Another analogy is that this world is like an ocean and our hearts like a boat. A boat will
sink if the water enters it, and we will sink if we fill our hearts with dunya. What fills our hearts controls us
and we are enslaved to it; this is why we must be careful with what we love most.
We cannot stop the storms of the dunya. Storms, hurricanes, and tornadoes will always come our way. We are
most afraid of is the storms of our life. But we need not be. Lets just have the proper shelter. Its not about
stopping the storms its about being protected when the storms hit. The only time we will be overtaken by
those hardships is when are not in that shelter. The shelter of Allah.
Why do kids say Say wAllahi to another kid when he makes a statement? To add credibility and truth to
the statement. Now imagine someone saying WALLAH WALLAH 11 times to emphasize his point.
Now imagine that someone being Allah Himself who swears 11 times! And thats exactly what he does in
Surat Shams. What was the statement that was being emphasized by the swearing? QAD AFLAHA MAN
ZAKAAHAA, WAQAD KHAABA MAN DASSAAHAA.
He has succeeded who purifies ittheir soul, And he has failed who instills it [with corruption].
Shams, 91:9-10
Thats why this discussion is so important. Its not about a playoffs game, this is ultimate success or ultimate
failure.
Allah mentions The Day when there will not benefit [anyone] wealth or children But only one who comes to
Allah with qalbin saleem (a peaceful heart) (26:88-89). This is how important the heart is. This purification
should be a project and endeavor that should be very serious for all of us.
There will come a time where we will be willing to give everything in the heavens and earth just to come back
to this earth and pray 2 rakas. The goal is to apply this and change our lives. This is the lecture part of
our lives, but with lecture there is always lab. And you dont learn something truly till in lab, until you do it
yourself.
Throughout this course, when we say heart we mean the spiritual heart discussed in Quran, not the physical
organ. A person can have a healthy heart in the physical sense but be completely corrupt spiritually. We will
be discussing how the heart is the master of the body and how to improve our hearts. They are related, but
for our course we are referring to the spiritual heart, the container of faith.
Now lets explore the main action of our heart, love! And learn the proper way we should express it in our
lives to experience true deep rich inner transformation.

Introduction to Love

*Some things will be repeated to continue the logical flow*

1.1

The Source of Love

[Saying], Cast him into the chest and cast it into the river, and the river will throw it onto the bank; there
will take him an enemy to Me and an enemy to him. And I bestowed upon you love from Me that you
would be brought up under My eye.
Ta Ha, 20:39
We foolishly believe that love is in the Creation. Wanting to be loved by it, we chase the things in the dunya.
We think we can get love and acceptance from the creation by pursuing it, but this is a myth.

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Weve completely lost the point. And thats why Shaytan has succeeded at deceiving us! Because we are
running after things that are passing.
Ask yourself, What am I running after? We all love something. We all want something. The question is what
are you running after? What is the direction you are running? and then look at those things youre running
after and ask yourself, Is it real or passing?
The thing about running is if Im running at that door can i run towards the other door? NO. So we can run
after dunya and run after Allah at the same time.
Ask yourself, Is my biggest concern Allah? When im at the mall and its time to pray, will i pray? If its
bodys food we need well stop everything and feed it. But whats wrong that we dont feed our souls.
We say we love Allah. But truth is we are running after other things.
Allah is the one who controls everything. Our ultimate goal is Allah. And when someone makes Allah his
ultimate goal, his ultimate love, he finds happiness in this life and the next.
Dunya is like water, and our hearts are the boats, and the akhirah is our destination. Only way we can
navigate through this ocean of dunya is that we do not allow this dunya to enter our heartsthen just like an
ocean entering a boats.. it takes over. you become a slave to whatever you love most. And thats why you
have to be very careful what you love most. people who love status most will do anything it takes to keep that
status. Status becomes the master. People who love money most will do anything it takes to keep that money.
Money becomes the master.
So many of us think: What are people gonna say? What are people going to think? And it becomes a motivating
factor of what i do and dont do. Why is it a motivating factor? Why do you think that is? Because status
and what ppl think is SO important to them. Because this is something absorbed in the heart that they would
appear a certain way in front of the people. And they will act based on that. That is a type of worship. That
image of themselves in front of people has become their ilaah. And such people love peoples praise more than
Allahs praise, and they want peoples love more than they want Allahs love.
The source of love is Allah, not the creation3 . We should seek love from the source. By seeking it in the
Creation, we chase the reflection instead of the true thing. If we pursue the love of Allah, we will have it and
the love of the creation.
If our ultimate goal is still love from the creation, then we are still chasing a reflection. All the love from the
creation is a reflection of Allahs love.
In the above verse, Allah tells Musa he put love in the hearts of the people for Musa. Any people who loved
him had that love put their by Allah.
The Messenger of Allah said:When Allah loves a slave, He calls Jibril (Gabriel) and says: I love so-and-so; so
love him. And then Jibril loves him. Then he (Jibril) announces in the heavens saying: Allah loves so-and-so;
so love him; then the inhabitants of the heavens (the angels) also love him; and then people on earth love him.
And when Allah hates a slave, He calls Jibril and says: I hate so-and-so, so hate him. Then Jibril also hates
him. He (Jibril) then announces amongst the inhabitants of heavens: Verily, Allah hates so-and-so, so you
also hate him. Thus they also start to hate him. Then he becomes the object of hatred on the earth also.
Riyad as-Salihin
This is a concept that must be put into practice.
3 This

is one of his names, Al-Wadud

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Running After Creation

This world is like a shadow: run after it and you will never be able to catch it; turn your back against it
and it has no choice but to follow you.
Ibn al-Qayyim
The faster your run after dunya, the faster it runs away. This is something else that must be seen in practice.
Another myth: people who seek dunya will get it. But the best of dunya is for those who seek akhira. We
think we can get true success by running after it in this life, and we may get some, but running after this life
will cause us to lose both this life and the next. But the one who is focused on the next life is successful both
there and here.
Religious people do not have to suffer in this world. True contentment and happiness are only for those
concerned with the next life. For someone who wants dunya, even if they get money or power, they will never
be happy. Happiness is for those who are close to Allah.

1.3

Enjoyment of True Love Only Without Desperate Need

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them;
and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
al-Rum, 30:21
Love is portrayed a particular way in the media which is radically different from Allahs portrayal.
An ayah literally means a sign, and the purpose of a sign is to direct us. A sign is a means not an end; it points
us to where we are trying to go. Allah is telling us that this love between spouses is a means, not an end.
Modern love stories feature some conflict that is resolved at the end. The message is that the goal is love and
so love becomes our goal, the purpose of our creation. The idea of marriage has become an end in and of itself,
instead of a means of getting closer to Allah. We were not put in the womb for the purpose of marrying or
having kids.
Allah created us to worship him. Not to get married, not to have children. They are part of his signs and part
of the way to get closer to him, but they are one of many signs and ways, not the purpose of our existence.
This is especially true for women, who are seen primarily as caregivers. But Allah tells us in the Quran that
man and jinn were not created for any purpose except to worship him. This phrasing nullifies any other possible
purposes. The entire reason for our existence is to worship Allah.
This ayah makes it clear that our purpose is not to worship him and make money, or worship him and get
married. It is only to worship him. These things can be used to get closer to him and learn about him but if
we stop there we miss the point. If our love for our spouse does not bring us closer to Allah, we missed the
point. If you look at a sign and dont see the message it is wasted on you.
The romantic love we chase after is just another sign. It is important that Allah says that he created spouses
for us from ourselves, for us. They are the same as us.
Literary love also lacks the kind of tranquility mentioned in this ayah.
Some people complain about praying and being good Muslims, but not having peaceful marraiges. This is
because this description is for when two people make Allah their focus. This kind of love is a gift that is not
given to everyone. Allah may have given us many other gifts besides this one in his wisdom and there is a
purpose in our current relationship as well. Nothing happens without reason.
All of our happiness and sadness has a purpose and that purpose is always good for us if we respond correctly.
Even when Allah withholds, he gives. If something is being kept from us it is because it is good for us. Allahs
decisions are always the best.

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Loving the Giver More Than the Gift

And [yet], among the people are those who take other than Allah as equals [to Him]. They love them as
they (should) love Allah. But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah and only if they who have
wronged would consider [that] when they see the punishment, [they will be certain] that all power belongs
to Allah and that Allah is severe in punishment.
al-Baqarah, 2:165
There is a wrong way to love. If we love things as we should love Allah, it is extremely damaging to us
spiritually. We typically associate shirk with idol worship but this ayah shows that we can commit shirk by
loving anything as we should only love Allah. This can come even from loving things that are halal.
The true believers have intense, overflowing, love for Allah. Your strongest and most important love should
always be for Him; everything else is secondary. This is something we all say but not all of us actually feel it.
Our hearts say something else.
When we have difficulty wearing hijab, it is because of a conflict in our loves. We love to look nice and be
fashionable and that love is competing with our love for Allah. Allah loves modesty and if we love Allah we
should dress as modestly as possible. The progression from jeans, to bell-bottoms, to skinny jeans, to jeggings
exemplifies the conflict between fashion and Allah.
The issue here is not really one of fashionability, but what we love most and which commands we obey: societys
or Allahs. If the thing we love most is fashion then we are a slave to it instead of Allah. This is a practical
example of these concepts.
If we say we love Allah but love money more, we have trouble giving up interest or giving up our nice houses.
This shows a reversal of our priorities. Weve come to take interest very lightly even though Allah says he will
wage war on people who partake of interest. Our nonchalance toward this is because we love cars and houses
and clothes more than Allah.
It all comes back to what we love most. When a true believer is faced with a choice, he or she goes with what
Allah says.
Exercise 1. Do the following:
1. Contrast the image of love in media with the one described here:
And those who say, Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make
us an example for the righteous.
al-Furqan, 25:74
2. Consider the difference between a starving person given cheesecake and a hungry person given cheesecake.
Discussion:
Relationships shown in the media are dramatic and unhappy, not peaceful.
The person who is less hungry would enjoy the cheesecake more. When a person is desperate, meaning they
are absolutely in need of any kind of sustenance, they do not notice the flavor and texture of what they are
eating.
The relevance to our discussion is we want our spouses to be the coolness of our eyes. When we are not starving
for that love we can enjoy it more. Addicts take drugs not for pleasure but out of desperate need. This applies
to our relationships as well. When we are emotionally starved, and we enter a relationship, you a. cant enjoy
what you have and b. will endure abuse because of how much you need it.
This is the fundamental problem with depending on creation. Our relationships are more meaningful when we
are not desperate for love and approval. We should approach creation already full, and then we can enjoy the
cheesecake. We will be filled by our relationship with Allah.

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This is how to have peaceful and healthy relationships, unlike those portrayed in the media. Those involve
dependence and absolute need, not the kind of tranquility we want.
The same parallel applies to beggars. Beggars are empty and they want to be filled. No one likes beggars,
monetary or emotional. People are repelled by neediness in relationships. The only one who loves beggars is
Allah. When we pray, we put our hands together as though we are begging. The more you beg creation, the
less you get; the more you beg the Creator, the more you get.
Hajj demonstrates the kind of desperation we all have inside. People are crowded, sweating, crying, completely
distraught. They are truly begging Allah and they demonstrate internal poverty.
But that kind of begging is acceptable. The problem is when we beg creation, since nothing will ever come of
it. Take your need and desperation to Allah and beg him.4
Some of our relationships contain a kind of neediness and dependency and this leads to drama. Even worse, no
one likes this person. People tolerate it but are always trying to avoid it. The creation does not love neediness;
the Creator does.
When you stop begging, you begin to give and become more generous. A giver is not in need and is better
liked. This applies to friends, spouses, and children.
Say, [O Muhammad], If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your relatives, wealth which
you have obtained, commerce wherein you fear decline, and dwellings with which you are pleased are more
beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and jihad in His cause, then wait until Allah executes His
command. And Allah does not guide the defiantly disobedient people.
al-Tawbah, 9:24
Suppose we give a friend a gift, and they decide they like the gift more than us. This is what we do to Allah.
We love his gifts but forget him. The problem is not the gifts in and of themselves but in loving the gift more
than the giver.
Here, Allah lists 8 things that are all halal, but if we love them more than him, we will see what is coming.
This is reminiscent to how a mother threatens her child by telling him or her to wait and see.
The people referenced at the end of the ayah are people who willfully disobey Allah. Even though the listed
items are halal, if we love them too much, we will face the consequences. The things we place ahead of Allah
can become a knife that stabs us.
This is like a person who fills their car with water instead of gas because it is cheaper. Or, if you take orange
juice. Either way the car will break. The heart is like the car. If you fill it with something it was not meant
to be filled with, it will break.
We have to keep the gifts in our hands and Allah in our hearts, not the other way around. We cant please
Allah only when it goes along with whats in our hearts. He has to be in our hearts.

1.5

Focus (Tawhid )

Whoever makes the Hereafter his preoccupation, then Allah places freedom from want in his heart, gathers
his affairs, and dunya comes to him despite being reluctant to do so. And whoever makes dunya his
preoccupation, then Allah places poverty in front of his eyes, makes his affairs scattered, and nothing of the
dunya comes to him except that which has been decreed for him.
al-Tirmidhi
Tawhid is usually defined as the concept of the oneness of Allah.
We should not limit the concept of tawhid to creation or worship. Even the Quraish believed in Allah and
believed he was the creator. We should have tawhid in the sense that Allah is the only one we love and depend
on. Another way to understand this is through focus.
4 Begging

in this context is not restricted to money

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In the above hadith, there are 3 rewards for making the Hereafter our preoccupation and 3 punishments for
making worldly matters (money, fame, etc.) our preoccupation.
The description of poverty being in front of his eyes is significant. Something in that position can never be
escaped; it is always seen. If we make this life our primary concern, we will always feel poor. They will always
see what they do not have and want more. The next upgrade, the new model, the latest phone. This is a recipe
for endless dissatisfaction.
The scattering of affiars implies a general unorganizedness - we all know this feeling in our lives, when things
are falling apart. And no matter how much we chase them, nothing will come to us except what Allah decrees.
Each of us has a toolbox to build a house in Jannah with and we all have unique tools. But many of us take
the toolbox, see it full of nice tools, and take out one tool, and fall in love with it without ever using it. Our
health, money, intellect, are all gifts we should use to become closer to Allah. Everything we have can be used
to build our houses in Jannah if we only use them.
Imagine getting into a car and becoming so infatuated with the leather seats you never even drive it. The car
is supposed to take us somewhere. That car is like this dunya. It is adorned and beautiful, but its purpose is
to take us somewhere else.
Exercise 2. View Magic Eye

pictures in groups.

1. Discuss how to find or lose the picture.

2. Present how that relates to the singular focus concept of tawhid.
Discussion:
This is the same as with our lives. We will not understand this life without keeping our eye on the Hereafter.
As soon as you become distracted, the image becomes blurry.
This is what happens we shift our focus from Allah. We lose the ability to clearly see our purpose.
The Prophet said our matters would become scattered and our life would lose order. Things dont fit together
properly unless we have focus. And the object of our focus should be Allah. If we keep focus on Him, everything
falls into place. Even difficult problems will resolve themselves.
And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out
At-Talaq, 65:2
When Musa was standing in front of the Red Sea, his people thought they would surely be overtaken. Many
of us react to distress similarly, with despair. But Musas response was different because he had a different
focal point. Bani Israel saw the worldly problem and the obstacle but he was focused on the Creator. And his
response was Indeed my Lord is with me and he will guide me through.
His certainty was because he was not looking at the obstacles of the creation. He was looking at the Creator.
Sometimes, our despair comes from hopelessness. We assume because we cannot see a solution there is none.
But Musa could not have imagined a solution to his predicament, but he knew Allah would make a way out
for him. Even if we cannot see a solution, if we are focused on Allah, we know help will come.
This exemplifies tawakul and is only possible when we are focused on the Creator, not the creation. This story
is relevant to us - otherwise Allah would not have told it in the Quran.
The lesson here is that even if none of us are going to split seas, Allah provides ways out of even the most
desperate situations. We just need to keep our focus on Allah.
We sometimes slip into haram because we are worried about our livelihood. If the fear of Allah were first in our
heart, he would provide a solution for us. We will all face tests where we have to choose between displeasing
Allah and displeasing our family and friends. Allah must come first.
5 See

here

INTRODUCTION TO THE HEART

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Introduction to the Heart

Function of the Heart
Master of the Body

I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say, That which is lawful is
clear and that which is unlawful is clear, and between the two of them are doubtful matters about which
many people do not know. Thus he who avoids doubtful matters clears himself in regard to his religion
and his honor, but he who falls into doubtful matters [eventually] falls into that which is unlawful, like the
shepherd who pastures around a sanctuary, all but grazing therein. Truly every king has a sanctuary, and
truly Allahs sanctuary is His prohibitions. Truly in the body there is a morsel of flesh, which, if it be whole,
all the body is whole, and which, if it is diseased, all of [the body] is diseased. Truly, it is the heart.
Bukhari
We mistakenly believe that our mind is the centerpiece of our body, but it is our heart.
To conquer a ship, you go to the captain; a village, the chief. If we want to control our entire bodies, we must
control our hearts. This is why we must be careful with what we love. Whatever we put in our hearts controls
our entire body.
2.1.2

Seat of Taqwa

The Messenger of Allah said that taqwa is here, and pointed to his chest.
Muslim
The heart is the seat of the experience of God. If it is not clean, it cannot be conscious of Allah.
2.1.3

Seat of iman

The Bedouins say, We have believed. Say, You have not [yet] believed; but say [instead], We have
submitted, for faith has not yet entered your hearts. And if you obey Allah and His Messenger, He will
not deprive you from your deeds of anything. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.
al-Hujarat, 49:14-15
Like taqwa, iman rests in our hearts.
It is possible to have information about God in our heads without having it in our hearts. There are professors
of Islamic studies who are not Muslim.
We all know, on an intellectual level, that Allah created us and sent the Prophet. But in the grave, people will
not know these answers. They did not internalize this knowledge and let it enter their hearts.
Some people, when they are dying, cant say the Shahadah. This is because they didnt live by it. Allah cannot
be fooled, and near death, they have a moment of clarity.
Even Pharaoh tried to repent as he was dying, but it was too late. This is when what is in our hearts comes
out. To see what a person loves, look at their last words, and you will see what was in their heart.
And the stupor of death will bring Truth (before his eyes): This was the thing which thou wast trying to
escape!
Al-Qaf, 50:19
If we fear death it means we are living wrong. Whoever does not want to see Allah, Allah does not want to
see them, and whoever wants to meet Allah, Allah wants to meet them.
When a believer dies, they are prepared to return and Allah greets them accordingly6
6 See

Surah Al-Fajr

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If we have a big trip, we only worry about it if we havent prepared for it. But if weve packed and made
slides for our talk, were not afraid when the time comes to travel. Likewise, returning to Allah is something
we should prepare for and not fear.
On their deathbeds, people talk about what they love most. At his death, Prophet Yaqub asked his children
who they would worship after he died. He is not concerned with his property or wealth, because they are not
what is most important to him.
2.1.4

Lens/Sight

So have they not traveled through the earth and have hearts by which to reason and ears by which to
hear? For indeed, it is not eyes that are blinded, but blinded are the hearts which are within the breasts.
al-Hajj, 22:46
Here, Allah is saying a person is thinking and reasoning with their heart. The implication is that the heart is
what we really understand the world with.
If our hearts have a particular tendency, our world-view is tainted by it. A corrupt heart cannot distinguish
between right and wrong. In fact, what is right may seem wrong and vice versa when the heart is sick. If its
not clean and taken care of, it doesnt work properly, and one of its functions is understanding the world.
2.1.5

How We Understand the World

And We have certainly created for Hell many of the jinn and mankind. They have hearts with which they
do not understand, they have eyes with which they do not see, and they have ears with which they do not
hear. Those are like livestock; rather, they are more astray. It is they who are the heedless.
al-Araf, 7:179
Some people cannot use their hearts properly. Here, they are compared to cattle, but more astray. The people
who are heedless of Allah are like animals.
A human who ignores Allah is worse than an animal, because an animal fulfills its purpose. If we live only
to eat, sleep, and reproduce, we are like animals, but worse, because unlike animals, we have the capacity for
more.
Animals dont worry about halal and haram; they act according to their urges. And many humans act the
same way.
We are slaves to our urges - Sprite tells us to Obey your thirst.; Nike to Just do it. Just because we have
urges does not make it okay to follow them. Having instinctual desires does not make acting on them morally
acceptable.
If we act on every urge we have, we are like animals. But again, worse, because we have self-control and the
ability to reason.
We see the world with our hearts, and Allah describes a spiritual blindness here. We can by physically able
to see, but our hearts will be blind. When this happens, we cannot distinguish right from wrong.
A beer commercial does not show the damaging effects of alcohol. Instead it depicts drinking as enjoyable and
social and a way to attract members of the opposite sex. They beautify something that is very ugly, and a
blind heart cannot see the ugliness for what it is. They see alcohol and extramarital relationships as beautiful,
and things like hijab as oppressive.
When a person does not believe in God, it is because the heart cannot see.

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Importance of the Heart

Success Based on Sound Heart

And do not disgrace me on the Day they are [all] resurrected. The Day when there will not benefit [anyone]
wealth or children. But only one who comes to Allah with a sound heart.
al-Shuara, 26:87-89
Prophet Ibrahim is praying to Allah in this verse. Here, a sound heart means a heart that has no competitor
with Allah in it. Previously, we talked about loving things as we should love Allah. A sound heart is free of
those things and loves only Allah, so it does only what Allah wants.
The hardest tests are when we want something opposite to what Allah wants (as opposed to family or society
wanting something opposite). Even in this case, a sound heart will still follow the will of Allah.
Having kind of heart is the only thing that will matter in the end.
2.2.2

Vessels of Allah

Allah has vessels [for Him] from among the people of the earth, and the vessels of your Lord are the hearts
of his righteous servants, and the most beloved of those vessels to Him are those which are the softest and
purest.
al-Tirmidhi and Ahmad
Here, the usage of the word vessel is significant because a vessel has finite capacity. Once it is full of one thing,
it cannot hold another. A heart that is full of dunya cannot love Allah properly.
The easiest way to make space in our hearts is to simultaneously empty our hearts of the creation and fill
it with the Creator. Emptying your heart involves detachment from worldly things (zuhd ). Many religions
practice this kind of asceticism, but this is only half of what we must do. This is the there is no god part of
the shahadah.
We must also practice the second half, which remembering Allah. Once we have emptied our hearts of attachments we can fill them with love for Allah through dhikr. This corresponds to the second half of the
shahadah.
If you do only on half without the other, you end up broken and empty.
This can all be practiced despite not living in an Islamic society because that is exactly what the Prophet did.
He lived in a time when little girls were buried alive and tawaf was done naked. His example is not a utopian
one but a practical one. This is why his example is so important. He was a father, a son, a friend, a husband,
a leader, and he did these all as a Muslim. Allah put him through hardships to make him more relatable. He
lost many children; he was an orphan; their are many lessons in his life.
The key is constant and intense dhikr. Books like Fortress of the Muslim are helpful here. They contain
supplications for when you leave, when you put on clothes, for when you eat, for when you enter the restroom,
etc. Even as he played a variety of roles in the world, he always kept Allah in his heart.
2.2.3

Not Appearances

Allah does not look at your appearances or your financial status, but He looks at your hearts and your
actions.
Bukhari
The heart is whats going to matter, nothing else. It is the source by which we connect to Allah.
Another interpretation of the vessel hadith is that the heart is what contains taqwa and love for Allah, and so
it becomes his vessel. They contain not Him physically obviously, but love of him.

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A dirty heart does not experience Allah, because only a clean heart can understand signs (it can see). Some
people have a covering on their hearts and cannot receive the light of Allah.
We need to work on receiving that guidance by cleaning our hearts. And the more we clean, the more we are
able to receive. Allahs light and guidance are so pure, they only enter pure vessels.
When an important person is visiting you, you clean your house. This is the same principle.

3
3.1

Attachments - Emptying the Vessel

Love of Dunya

The Prophet said: The people will soon summon one another to attack you as people when eating invite
others to share their dish. Someone asked: Will that be because of our small numbers at that time?
He replied: No, you will be numerous at that time: but you will be scum and rubbish like that carried
down by a torrent, and Allah will take fear of you from the breasts of your enemy and cast wahn into your
hearts. Someone asked: What is wahn, O Messenger of Allah? He replied: Love of the world and dislike
of death.
Dawud and Ahmad
The believers are like the foam on the ocean. They go wherever the tide takes them because they lack substance.
This is a political problem, with the believers being preyed on by their enemies. But it goes back to matters of
the heart. These external problems stem from our internal condition. Even today, the problems of the ummah
come from this love of the world and fear of death.
Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.
Ar-Rad, 13:11

3.2

Center of Gravity and Master

And women in the city said, The wife of al-Azeez is seeking to seduce her slave boy; he has impassioned
her with love. Indeed, we see her [to be] in clear error.
Yusuf, 12:30
Ali said zuhd is not that you do not own things but that nothing owns you.
It is not about not having things like a job, a wife, so on, but about not letting them control you.

3.3
3.3.1

Broken Hearts and Attachment

Women around Yusuf

So when she heard of their scheming, she sent for them and prepared for them a banquet and gave each
one of them a knife and said [to Joseph], Come out before them. And when they saw him, they greatly
admired him and cut their hands and said, Perfect is Allah ! This is not a man; this is none but a noble
angel.
Yusuf, 12:31
When the woman had found out what she did, they judged her, so she brought them to see.
The point is that physical attachments cause us to hurt ourselves without noticing.
Also, they were quick to judge her, but showed the same faults when tested.

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Definition of Ilah

The root of this word consists of the three letter: alif, lam, and ha and the connotations of various
derivations, as one finds in lexicons, are as follows:
Became confused or perplexed
Achieved peace and mental calm by seeking refuge with someone or establishing relations with him
Became frightened of some impending mishap or disaster and someone gave him the necessary shelter
Turned to another eagerly due to the intensity of his feelings for him
The lost offpsring of the she-camel rushed to snuggle up to its mother on finding it
Became hidden or concealed
Elevated
Adored, offered worship to
Abul-Ala Mawdudi
The shahadah is often translated as There is no god but Allah, but this translation is woefully inadequate.
It means there is no ilah except for Allah. The key is the word ilah, which is very important to understand.
Not understanding it can lead to unknowingly taking rivals with Allah.
It also means to turn to someone in sadness or calamity, to be desperate for someone, to become excited and
emotional, to be overwhelmed by shock or amazement, the entity for whom devotional acts are performed.
This should give us a different understanding of the shahadah.
An ilah is not just what you pray to; it is what you put at the center of your life, what you run to and seek
refuge in. And it becomes an object of worship. People take many different.
Look at the lyrics of the song #1 Crush by Garbage

for an example of taking an ilah besides Allah.

People often take other people as ilah, but they call it love.
3.3.3

Desires as Ilah

Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge
and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after
Allah? Then will you not be reminded?
al-Jathiyah, 45:23
Recalling the gas tank filled with water, a heart filled with something its not meant to be filled with breaks
down.
Should love really resemble addiction? No. But sometimes it does. And when we cant have the object of our
love, we go into borderline withdrawal symptoms: trouble sleeping, shakes, nausea.
Love stimulates the same neural pathways as cocaine, heroin, and other opiates. Loving your children, husband,
or anyone else like this is not love. It is worship.
The people described in this verse talk about people who take their desires as ilah. This means they follow
them unquestioningly, acting on everything they feel. They hear and they obey, like they should only do to
Allah.
Fashion is full of hearing and obeying - sunglasses that look like goggles, jeggings, etc. This is a problem
because if our absolute obedience is to anything other than Allah, they will eventually come into conflict.
These people are complete blind and astray
7 Seehere

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Warning Against Taking Other than Allah as Ilah

Do not make [as equal] with Allah another deity and [thereby] become censured and forsaken.
al-Isra, 17:22
Taking an ilah besides Allah inevitably leads to severe punishment.
This punishment comes in this life, not just the next. Look back at the song lyrics: she is not happy or enjoying
her love. She is being tormented.
3.3.5

Worldly Consequences of Taking Ilah with Allah

So do not invoke with Allah another deity and [thus] be among the punished.
al-Shuara, 26:213
Exercise 3. Read and analyze the news story and the excerpt from Romeo and Juliet8 .
Discussion:
For the Indian man, he took his status and his image as an ilah, and he could not bear to live when it was
damaged. Romeo did the same thing, taking Juliet as an ilah.
In essence, an ilah is something that you cannot bear the loss of. These two examples show the dire consequences
of taking ilah other than god.
Other examples include stockbrokers committing suicide after the market crashes. All these people kept things
in their hearts, not their hands, and paid the price.
The Prophet also lost many people, people who he loved more than Romeo and Juliet loved each other. But
because his focus was on Allah, he said, If you [Allah] are not displeased with me, then I do not mind.
The Prophets love for Khadija was the purest, but his only ilah was Allah, so he did not lose focus.
Only Allah will last forever. Everything else will fade away, and if we take it is an ilah, we will suffer when it
does.
3.3.6

Ascertaining Our Attachments

Exercise 4. Answer the following questions:

1. What do you think about most?
2. What makes you cry?
3. What are you most afraid of losing? What causes you most anxiety?
4. What do you think about in salah?
5. What is the first and last thing you think about before and after sleep?
6. What causes the most pain?
Discussion:
Most of our answers have nothing to do with Allah. They are mostly about dunya. This is our whole problem.
We cant take tests to find out what we love, but our thoughts will tell us. What fills our heart fills our mind.
We are like Bani Israel, caught up looking at problems instead of looking at the one who can remove them.
Your answers to these questions will tell you what fills your heart. Men typically love things like cars and
clothes; women love people. Their husbands, children, etc.
8 They

are here and here, lines 101-120.

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No one ever taught us that being attached to people is a false attachment to the dunya, but it is. Going through
cycles of despair is a clear consequence of orange juice in the gas tank.
Our answers to these questions tend to change over the course of our lives.
Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another
and competition in increase of wealth and children - like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth
pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the
Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except
the enjoyment of delusion.
Al-Hadid, 57:20
This verse exemplifies the different things that are important to us as we age - play, then entertainment, then
appearance, then competition and boasting. But none of these things will last. The point is that all these
things that are at one point of central importance all pass away.
We are like the farmer excited about the heavy rain bringing crops. Those crops begin to wilt and turn yellow,
and then they decay completely. All of our obsessions and concerns are like the leaves that eventually become
inconsequential.
After our desires fade, the only things that last are Allahs forgiveness or anger.
3.3.7

The Only Lasting

Everyone upon the earth will perish, And there will remain the Face of your Lord, Owner of Majesty and
Honor.
al-Rahman, 55:26-27
Since everything will eventually be meaningless, our only purpose in doing things should be for Allah, since he
is the one who will outlast the entire world.
Actions are judged by their intentions, so our intention should always be to please Allah. By doing this, we
can convert everyday actions into worship.
Messenger of Allah said, The deeds are considered by the intentions, and a person will get the reward according
to his intention.
Bukhari
Suppose youre eating an apple. It is not haram, but you are not receiving rewards for eating the apple. But
if you eat the apple as part of your suhur, and your intention is to fast, it is a good deed. And if you eat the
apple to lose weight to look good the same action has become punishable.
The condition of our hearts can transform an action from good, to neutral, to bad.
Many things we do, waking up, eating, etc. We are doing them anyway, so we may as well make them acts
of worship through our intention. We waste potential good deeds every day, and so we should take mundane
actions, and have our heart set so that they become acts of worship.
And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.
Adh-Dhariyat, 51:56
This is the key to practicing Islam in day to day life: making everything an act of ibadah by having the correct
intention. Because Allah tells us the only purpose of man and jinn is to worship him, this means everything
we do can potentially be considered worship.

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Holding Gifts in the Hand Versus Heart

Once a report reached Imam Abu Hanifah that forty ships containing his merchandise had sunk and he
had lost all his goods. On hearing this, he said Alhamdulillah. After a while, he was told the first report
was incorrect; all the ships had docked safely. Again, he said Alhamdullilah. The people asked him, In the
first instance when you were afflicted with a musibah you said alhamdulillah. Now that you were bestowed
with a nimah, again you said alhamdulillah. He explained that when he was told that his ships sunk, he
examined his heart and found it unmoved so he said alhamdulillah that it was unmoved. And when he was
told his ships had not sunk, he again examined his heart and found it unmoved. He said alhamdulillah that
it was unmoved.
Abu Hanifah
He is checking to see if the money is in his hand or his heart. His praise to Allah is not about the gain or loss
of his money, but because his heart is not linked to the gain or loss of his money.
This exemplifies keeping things in our hands and not our hearts. This is zuhd in action. He has money and he
has ships, but they are in his hand. There are people who have no money but it is still in their heart.
Again, zuhd is not about what you own but about what owns you.
3.3.9

Surviving the Ocean of Dunya

By Allah, this world in comparison to the hereafter is nothing but as though one of you dipped his finger
in the sea. So ponder how much [of sea water] the finger returns with.
Mishkat
The point of this comparison is to show how large the next life is and how small this one is.
Jabir ibn Abdullah reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, passed
through the market, entering from part of the high part of the city and the people were on both sides of him.
He passed by a dead one-eared goat and reached out and took its ear. Then he said, Who would like to buy
this for a dirham? They said, Why would we want it when it is worthless? What would we do with it? He
said, Would you like to have it? No, they replied. He asked them that three times and they said, No, by
Allah! If it were alive, it would have a defect as it only has one ear. Why would we want it when it is dead?
The Prophet said, By Allah, this world is less in the sight of Allah than this goat is to you.
Al-Adab
Exercise 5. In groups, discuss how to avoid drowning in the ocean of dunya.
Discussion:
Keeping good company
Consistent saddaqah
Reminders of the hereafter
Tawbah
Gaining knowledge through classes etc.
Constant dhikr
Fasting
Acknowledging the value (or lack thereof) of dunya
Muhasaba (holding yourself accountable)

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The fear of loss makes us do things displeasing to Allah, like in Star Wars. Anakin became Darth Vader because
he was afraid of losing the things he was attached to. Being afraid of losing money can make us sell alcohol or
engage in riba. If we fear losing a loved one, well take off hijab. We have to make sure the only loss we fear is
Allah, or else well make the wrong choice when tested.
Forget about dictators overseas, what about dictators in our homes and mosques? Again, Allah does not change
the condition of a people until they change themselves.
To be prepared for losses, because they will come, we should practice detachment. Remember, simultaneously
emptying and filling our hearts is the key.
Examine any act based on success or failure in the eyes of Allah, like a business man would. Allah calls our
relations with him tijarah, the same word used for business. The deal is this: we give him something small,
and he gives us something infinite.
Black Friday is another example of people chasing dunya and suffering for it. Every year, someone dies. And
this is during the middle of the night, doing qiyam.
Our Lord, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends every night to the lowest heaven when one-third of the latter
part of the night is left, and says: Who supplicates Me so that I may answer him? Who asks Me so that I
may give to him? Who asks Me forgiveness so that I may forgive him?
Muslim
We think that its worth standing at night to save money, but the deal Allah offers is much better. Even if we
prayed every minute of every day, we would still be getting a good deal. But we dont have to do that much.
Its like a doctor paying us to take medicine or breathe.
There is also tafakur and tadhabur, reflection and contemplation. This goes back to making sure we see the
signs around us.

4
4.1

Love
Number 1 Greatest Motivator

Love is a serious mental illness.

Plato
Exercise 6. Compare the job of a nurse in a hospital vs. a mother.
Discussion:
Both have a similar task, taking care of someone. But the mother does a better job, even though the nurse is
being paid and she is not.
The difference is that the mother loves her child. Love is the biggest motivator. All of our fears stem from love.
People think it is hard to wear hijab, to pray, etc. but if we have love motivating us, it is easy.
Mothers sacrifice so much for their children over the course of years and years. They dont even do it begrudgingly and they do it because they love them. To properly worship Allah and not have it be difficult on us, we
must love him. If we feel unmotivated to pray it means we dont love Allah enough.
Allah has sent us a letter to read. If a king who had complete control over your life sent you a letter, you
would surely read it. But we willfully ignore the Quran. In fact, its not enough to read the Quran. We must
understand and apply it.
To extend the metaphor, it would be like the king sending us a letter in Chinese and reading it without
translation. But even this version is inadequate, because we get blessings just for reading the Quran even
without understanding.
During Ramadan, it would be better to read a little bit of the Quran and understand and reflect on it than
power-read it multiple times without understanding a thing.

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4.2

Medias Definition of Love

4.3

Difference Between Love and Attachment

4.4

Love for the Sake of Allah/Love Without Attachment

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The Prophet said, Seven are (the persons) whom Allah will give protection with His Shade on the Day
when there will be no shade except His Shade (i.e., on the Day of Resurrection), and they are: A just
ruler; a youth who grew up with the worship of Allah; a person whose heart is attached to the mosque; two
persons who love and meet each other and depart from each other for the sake of Allah; a man whom a
beautiful and high ranking woman seduces (for illicit relation), but he (rejects this offer by saying): I fear
Allah; a person who gives a charity and conceals it (to such an extent) that the left hand might not know
what the right has given; and a person who remembers Allah in solitude and his eyes well up.
Bukhari
The key idea here is loving for the sake of Allah. This means loving what Allah loves because Allah loves it (for
example, loving the Prophet); loving what the Prophet loves because he loved it (for example, the miswak).
This also means loving things that bring you closer to Allah and loving things because Allah told you to love
them. Additionally, we should not expect rewards from the person or thing we love, but only from Allah.
This kind of love is so important that it justifies receiving shade when only 7 kinds of people will.
One reason this is so highly rewarded is because it goes against our natural inclinations, favoring Allah over
ourselves. Another is because this is not easy to do, putting Allah ahead of our desires, and so He rewards it
greatly.
The benefit of loving for the sake of Allah is that you are free. You are no longer a beggar or hungry - you are
wealthy and satiated. You depend on no one. If you are climbing a tree and you put all your weight on a twig,
it will break and you will fall. Loving things in this world makes you a person holding onto a twig. But loving
for the sake of Allah means holding onto his rope, and it never breaks.
If you do things for someone for their sake, or out of hope for their appreciation, if they rebuke you, it is for
nothing. They might even betray you. If you do things for Allah, they are never wasted.

5
5.1

Hardships and Pain

Husnl-Zun Billah

How strange the matter of a believer is: there is good in all his affairs, and this is only for the believer. If
something good happens to him and he is grateful, then this is good for him, and if a calamity befalls him
and he is patient then this is also good for him.
Muslim
If Allah wants to do good to somebody, he afflicts him with trials.
Bukhari
The Prophet said, Allah says: I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he
thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I too,
remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that
is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes
one cubit9 nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me
walking, I go to him running.
Bukhari
We must always have a good opinion of Allah - this is what husnl-zun billah means.
When a doctor operates on us, we let him do so because we trust his knowledge and trust his intentions. We
know he has gone to med school and we know he is trying to help so we let him cut us open.
9 An

archaic unit of length based on the length of the forearm

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Allah is the same way. Even if we dont fully understand what he does, we trust his knowledge and trust that
he has our best interests at hearts.
We dont understand brain surgery, but we trust the doctor to do complicated things we dont understand in
our bodies. We dont know what hes doing but we trust that he does. And surgery hurts but we do it anyway.
All this is with a human doctor. People say they dont understand, but we let doctors operate on us without
fully understanding what they do. We question Allah but not the people around us.
If we trust a human to operate on us we should trust our Creator to do what is right for us. We should not
question what he does or how he does it.
Why do bad things happen to good people? This question is sufficiently divisive to cause people to become
atheists, so it warrants some discussion.
The answer to this question is that bad things never happen to good people. This does not mean theres no
such thing as a bad thing - bad things do happen to bad people. But nothing bad ever happens to good people.
What about famines, wars, and all the other terrible things that happen to good people? These are not bad
things. They are calamities and hardships; they are painful; but if you are a believer they are not bad for you.
If you are a true believer, everything is good for you, as the Prophet explains in the above hadith.
Remember, Allah is also the one who punishes and takes revenge. But he never punishes an ounce more than
is deserved. On the other hand, he rewards infinitely more than what is deserved. This is the balance between
his justice and his mercy and is how the two are reconciled. He as attributes of jalal and attributes of jamal,
and understanding this is the key to accepting them both.
I heard Allahs Messenger saying, The good deeds of any person will not make him enter Paradise. (i.e.,
None can enter Paradise through his good deeds.) They (the Prophets companions) said, Not even you,
O Allahs Messenger? He said, Not even myself, unless Allah bestows His favor and mercy on me. So be
moderate in your religious deeds and do the deeds that are within your ability: and none of you should wish
for death, for if he is a good doer, he may increase his good deeds, and if he is an evil doer, he may repent to
Allah.
Bukhari
The Prophet narrating about his Lord Im and said, Allah ordered (the appointed angels over you) that the
good and the bad deeds be written, and He then showed (the way) how (to write). If somebody intends to do
a good deed and he does not do it, then Allah will write for him a full good deed (in his account with Him);
and if he intends to do a good deed and actually did it, then Allah will write for him (in his account) with
Him (its reward equal) from ten to seven hundred times to many more times: and if somebody intended to do
a bad deed and he does not do it, then Allah will write a full good deed (in his account) with Him, and if he
intended to do it (a bad deed) and actually did it, then Allah will write one bad deed (in his account).
Bukhari
Allahs punishment is not even comparable to his mercy. So bad things happen to bad people, but it is justice.
Back to the hadith at the beginning of this section: the matter of the believer is strange because if he or she
responds correctly, every single thing that happens to them is good for them. This is the condition of the
believer.
The correct responses are patience when we get dont get something and gratitude when we do.

HARDSHIPS AND PAIN

5.2
5.2.1

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Reactions
Anger, Sabr, Rida

Exercise 7. How would each of the following people react to a life-saving, cancer-curing, shot:
1. An infant
2. A ten-year-old child
3. An adult
Discussion:
The infant would be crying and thrashing. The ten-year-old would also cry, but he would understand that he
needs it. The adult would be happy because the shot is going to save his life. Unlike the ten-year-old, the adult
is grateful.
There is a difference in the level of understanding of these three people and our responses to hardship work
the same way. If our spiritual understanding is like the infants, we will cry and suffer. The infant sees only
the needle, not the medicine. He hates the doctor because he sees him as hurting him, not curing him. Many
people interact with God in this way. All they see is the needle, so they respond with anger and resentment
toward Allah. Some people go so far as to reject Allah entirely.
They reject Allah as though they will hurt him, but they are only hurting themselves. They think its unfair that
they didnt get that job, that car, or something else they wanted, just like the infant who doesnt understand
why hes being pricked.
The ten-year-old has some understanding and some patience. He or she is being patient but still doesnt really
like the doctor.
There are different degrees of sabr, and they are all gifts given to us by Allah. Sabr is the ease inside the
hardship. This is the provision Allah gives us with the hunger.
The ten-year-old is struggling not to complain. This is how many of us respond to hardships, but this is still
commendable. We do get good deeds for this.
The only unacceptable response is anger at Allah and if we have it we should reject it immediately and struggle
for patience instead. This attitude will prevent us from getting the medicine we need. If the infant pushes the
needle before it can deliver the cure, he prevents himself from being helped by the prick.
Here, the medication is purification of our hearts and removal of our sins.
Finally, the adult. The adult is not struggling to be patient and not complain; he is grateful. He thanks the
doctor for saving his life. This is called rida, or contentment.
When we fully understand and appreciate the power of the medicine, we focus on the cure not the pain. And
when we realize we are being cured, we cannot be angry. Instead we are glad to be being helped. This is the
highest level of response to hardship.
This simultaneously purifies and elevates us. We should all strive to have this attitude. But this only happens
when we see the medicine and not the needle. This requires spiritual maturity, and once we have it, we can
appreciate what we are being given.

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Punishment or Test/Blessing?

The Prophet said, No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim,
even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.
Bukhari
I visited Allahs Messenger while he was suffering from a high fever. I said, O Allahs Messenger! You
have a high fever. He said, Yes, I have as much fever as two men of you. I said, Is it because you will
have a double reward? He said, Yes, it is so. No Muslim is afflicted with any harm, even if it were the
prick of a thorn, but that Allah expiates his sins because of that, as a tree sheds its leaves.
Muslim
Allahs Messenger said, The example of a believer is that of a fresh tender plant; from whatever direction
the wind comes, it bends it, but when the wind becomes quiet, it becomes straight again. Similarly, a
believer is afflicted with calamities (but he remains patient till Allah removes his difficulties.) And an
impious wicked person is like a pine tree which keeps hard and straight till Allah cuts (breaks) it down
when He wishes.
Bukhari
This is one of the reasons hardship serves as a cure: by removing our sins.
Imagine a child who wants a game for a long time and then finally gets it. When he does, he will no longer
want to do anything else. The loving parent would take away the game for his own well being.
Someone might say this is cruel because the child loves the video game, but the child is hurting himself. He is
neglecting the things he needs for the thing he wants.
sometimes this is the reason Allah takes things from us. He gives us many gifts because he is al-Wahad, but
when we act like the child and fixate on them; when we neglect our true purpose, worshipping Allah, for that,
he takes them away.
Sometimes we throw adult temper tantrums when Allah takes things away from us because we dont understand
why things were taken away. We dont see that we are hurting ourselves but just like the child, we eventually
return to our true purpose.
If our attachment to things is unhealthy, Allah will take them away to help us turn back to him. The child is
in pain and unhappy, but it is still good for him.
But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And
Allah Knows, while you know not.
al-Baqarah, 2:216
When she (Yasmin Mogahed) opened the door for her child, he became very upset and broke down crying.
This is reminiscent of how we as adults feel the same frustration when things just dont work out the way we
want them to. We have no idea that Allah is trying to protect us and save us. Missing a plane, losing a job,
being unable to marry; these are all things that might be good for us without our knowing. 10
In the story of Qarun (follow the footnote), people were grateful they had not been given wealth. Just a day
before, they were wishing for it. Their poverty was blessing.
Things are not as they seem. We do not understand everything and so we should always remember that Allah
knows best.
Also, Allah has told us that he wants certain people to be at a specific level. But he knows they will not get
there themselves, so he gives them hardship to help them reach it.
By properly responding to hardship, we can gain higher levels in jannah, higher levels of iman, and higher
levels with Allah. Going up stairs can also be a struggle but it takes us to a higher place.
10 See

here

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Another purpose can be to help people to turn back to Allah or to help people humble themselves and attain
tadarra.
Tadarra means intense humility and need for Allah. Imagine a person on a boat in the middle of the sea.
Everything is going fine until a storm comes. A persons first reaction would be to call for help, but all the
other boats say they wont be there in time. And the life boats are damaged, so they try the life jackets, but
they went overboard. Every other means has failed them, so now they turn to Allah.
Many of us are in this habit: only when the creation has failed us do we turn to the Creator. Its our last
resort, the last thing we try. This is a problem because looking back at our definition of ilah, where we seek
refuge is a big part of that.
This doesnt mean we cant turn to friends or family for help. Its just about what our first refuge is and for
most of us, this is our bank account, our spouse, etc. If this is the case, Allah is not our ilah.
Whenever anything bad happens, your knee-jerk response is to try everything except Allah. Looking for help
in other places is not haram, but the first place we look should be up.
Our dependence and reliance is with the creation when it should be with the Creator.
The state of the hopeless person in the middle of the storm is tadarrah.
And We have already sent [messengers] to nations before you, [O Muhammad]; then We seized them with
poverty and hardship that perhaps they might humble themselves [to Us].
Al-Anam, 6:42
Allah wants us to be in this state becasue that is when we are nearest to him. We are nearest to Allah during
sujud, and this manifests that. Bowing down embodies humility and the more we beg Allah the more he loves
us.
Unfortunately, its difficulty to have tadarrah in a day to day life. Usually, we only start begging when hardship
comes. Since this is when we are closest to Allah, hardships are a gift to bring us closer to him. No one seeks
refuge without a storm.
Allah only wants good for us and sometimes good comes through hardship.
We all have individual problems and they cannot all be adressed in this class. Even worse, we will all face
unforeseen problems in the future. They key is to learn tools we can use in situation, and the main one is
turning to Allah in times of need.
We can all do istikhara and qiyam. One of the best times to make dua is while its raining (its raining right
now).
How do we know if hardship is a blessing or punishment? The answer is simple. Does it bring you closer to
Allah or push you away? This is a multipurpose test that can be used to decide on everything we do.
Even blessings can push us away from Allah, like Qaruns money. The criteria is always how things move us
relative to Allah: people, jobs, money, status, gifts, love, everything.
Things can seem good for us, but if they take us away from Allah, they are like the child with the video game.
When someone has an addiction, getting drugs feels good but is actually harmful.
Everyone will suffer but Allah has given us tools to help us. The primary one is to keep only Allah in our
hearts.

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5.2.3

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Anxiety

And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits,
but give good tidings to the patient.
al-Baqarah, 2:155
Yes [on the contrary], whoever submits his face in Islam to Allah while being a doer of good will have his
reward with his Lord. And no fear will there be concerning them, nor will they grieve.
al-Baqarah, 2:112
These are the two major problems in our lives: fear and sadness. This is in jannah, but there is also a jannah
of this life. This means we can live in a way that frees us from fear and sadness.
People have different definitions of depression, but one thing is certain: if we take an ilah other than Allah, we
will surely suffer.
There will be a lot of times we need refuge but we should always seek it with Allah. Going anywhere else is a
recipe for depression and anxiety.
Constant anxiety can be a sign of false attachment. Its a symptom. If we are holding onto the wrong things
we will fear losing them.
The three little pigs all had different refuges. The one in the house made of straw was afraid because he had
no real shelter, but the one in the brick house felt safe because he knew he had strong shelter.
If we are with Allah, we have nothing to worry about. The hadith about Allah thinking about us as we think
of him is relevant. If we think good of him he will think good of him.
If we think poorly of Allah, we will fall prey to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
[Allah] said, Fear not. Indeed, I am with you both; I hear and I see.
Ta Ha, 20:46
Here, Allah is reassuring Musa. This reassurance is for us also.
This is a consolation to those close to Allah and a threat to those who are not.
5.2.4

Depression

So do not weaken and do not grieve, and you will be superior if you are [true] believers.
Ale-Imran, 3:139
If you do not aid the Prophet - Allah has already aided him when those who disbelieved had driven him
out [of Makkah] as one of two, when they were in the cave and he said to his companion, Do not grieve;
indeed Allah is with us. And Allah sent down his tranquillity upon him and supported him with angels
you did not see and made the word of those who disbelieved the lowest, while the word of Allah - that is
the highest. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.
al-Tawbah, 9:40
The Prophet is reassuring Abu Bakr, and not because he has money or friends or other things of this world.
Simply because Allah is with him, he should not be sad.
We mistakenly believe that we should be sad or happy based on whether or not we get what we want. But
those things come and go. If you are like this you will face constant internal turmoil.
People reassure each other over the loss of worldly things by telling them they still have things of this world.
Dont be sad you lost your husband, at least you have kids.
They will go too eventually. The only permanent source of succor is Allah.
The point of the verse at the beginning of this section is that to be allowed to see refuge with Allah, we must
be true believers.

DHIKR - FILLING THE VESSEL

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Dhikr - Filling the Vessel

Tawakkul

If you were to rely upon Allah with the required reliance, then He would provide for you just as a bird is
provided for, it goes out in the morning empty, and returns full.
Ahmad, al-Nasai, Ibn Majah, al-Hakim, and al-Tirmidhi
And when they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or part
with them according to acceptable terms. And bring to witness two just men from among you and establish
the testimony for [the acceptance of] Allah. That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allah and the
Last day. And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out
al-Talaq, 65:2
And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He
is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a
[decreed] extent.
al-Talaq, 65:3
Reliance on Allah is the best way to fill our heart with him. The first hadith here shows that if we trust Allah
he will take care of us, just like he takes care of the birds.
We should not misunderstand what trusting Allah means. The hadith with tying the camel is misunderstood
as trusting in our eforts and then trusting Allah. While we put our effort in, we trust in ourselves, and then
when we finish we trust Allah. Even as we work our trust should be in Allah not in our means.
Everything that happens is because of what Allah does, not what we do. However, we may wonder what the
point of doing anything is if Allah is the one who makes it happen in the end.
We do things thinking that they will make things happen. We study to get a good grade; we teach Islam to
make people good Muslims. We do things because they are part of our worship, not to make things happen.
Allah decides what happens and then makes it happen.
We get a job, study, etc. because Allah told us to. We tie the camel because Allah told us to, not to keep it
there. Allah keeps it there.
Imagine if you knew your child was going to leave Islam when they were 18. Would you still try and teach
them Quran and get them teachers? The answer is yes, because Allah told us to. Part of worship is teaching
our children about Islam. The outcome is irrelevant.
If the outcome was the point, then some of the prophets would have failed by not converting there people. It is
a lesson to us that Nuh lived the longest of all the prophets, but he had the fewest followers. After 950 years.
This is because we are accountable for our efforts not the results. Allah guides whom he will.
The story of Hajr is another good example of tawakkul. She asked her husband if Allah commanded him to
do this, and when he said yes, she accepted it. She relied on Allah, but she put in a lot of effort herself. She
didnt wait for water to come, she ran and looked for it.
She checked Saffa, then Marwa. No water. At this point, most of us would give up, but she did not. Then she
checks them both again. And again. There are many lessons for us here about hope and what to do when our
efforts do not come to fruition.
Her running was an act of worship, and that literal act has become an act of worship for all of us. She checked
7 times before she found water. The point is that things dont happen right away, but if we keep going and
keep trying, and do things for Allah, we will be rewarded.
After all her searching, water comes from the desert. Her effort did not do that, Allah did. Water doesnt come
out of sand because you run back and forth. We cannot confuse the cause and the effect.
Consider Musa in front of the Red Sea again. He was told to strike the sea, and he did. But that is not why
the sea split. The sea split because Allah willed it to. He was just doing what he was told.

INTRODUCTION TO THE CREATION

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Tawhid of Dependency

There shall be no compulsion in [acceptance of] the religion. The right course has become clear from
the wrong. So whoever disbelieves in Taghut11 and believes in Allah has grasped the most trustworthy
handhold with no break in it. And Allah is Hearing and Knowing.
al-Baqarah, 2:256
The tawhid of dependency is putting our trust in Allah before the doctor, before the knot holding our camel,
before anything else. This is exemplified by the discussions in the previous section.
The ayah above shows the value of relying on Allah as his handhold will never break, but everything else will.

7
7.1
7.1.1

Introduction to the Creation

Rectifying Relationship with the Creation
Forgiveness

And let not those of virtue among you and wealth swear not to give [aid] to their relatives and the needy
and the emigrants for the cause of Allah , and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah
should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.
al-Nur, 24:22
This verse was revealed after Abu Bakr found out that one of the people slandering Aisha was a relative of his,
one who he was financially supporting. All he did was cut off the monetary aid, as opposed to taking active
revenge like many of us.
Allah teaches Abu Bakr (and us) a lesson. First of all, this is not a transaction between Abu Bakr and his
relative, but between Abu Bakr and Allah.
Allah is asking us if we would not like to be forgiven by him, which everyone obviously would. He is giving
us an opportunity here: by forgiving whoever has wronged us, we can have his forgiveness. This is another
instance of his mercy: we forgive someone over something worldly, and He, God, forgives us.
When Abu Bakr heard this ayah, he not only resumed financial support, but increased it. He was doing what
he did for Allah, not the man. The paradigm shift here is that forgiveness is not between us and other people
but between us and Allah. We forgive them so Allah will forgive us, not for their sake. This is another example
of keeping Allah as your focus.
The revolutionary shift is that it is not a horizontal transaction, not a transaction between you the creation,
its a vertical transaction between you and the Creator. So when ppl say they dont say they dont deserve
my forgiveness, well remember youre not forgiving them for them! Youre forgiving them for Him! It changes
your perspective, it shifts your focus of why you forgive and why you love. bc you want his forgiveness and
you want his love.
And let me ask you this: how can we expect Allah to forgive us when we dont forgive others? Treat others
how you want Allah treat you. If we are harsh with people and hold grudges, Allah will treat us like that.
If Allah held us accountable for everything that ppl would hold us accountable for, none of us would have a
chance for Jannah.
How we treat others, Allah will treat us. When we help another one in a need, allah will do the same for us
in our need. When there is a fault of someone else and we cover it, allah covers it for us. If it is not for allah
covering up our ugliness inside us, we would all be very humiliated, out of his generosity! We would not be
able to show our faces.
Our relations with others, and every dealing we do with them, its all a transaction with Allah. Allah will be
at aid of his servants as long as the servant is in aid of his brother.
11 To

cross limits or rebel. In Islam, it means rebellion against the will of Allah

PARENTS

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Whoever does not show mercy to the people, Allah will not show mercy to him.
Darussalam
Allah is al-Satir, he covers our faults. If he exposed all our flaws we would be humiliated. We should be very
careful with how we treat others.
7.1.2

Helping Others

Whoever removes a worldly grief from a believer, Allah will remove from him one of the griefs of the Day
of Resurrection. And whoever alleviates the need of a needy person, Allah will alleviate his needs in this
world and the Hereafter. Whoever shields [or hides the misdeeds of] a Muslim, Allah will shield him in this
world and the Hereafter. And Allah will aid His slave so long as he aids his brother. And whoever follows a
path to seek knowledge therein, Allah will make easy for him a path to Paradise. No people gather together
in one of the Houses of Allah, reciting the Book of Allah and studying it among themselves, except that
sakeenah (tranquility) descends upon them, and mercy envelops them, and the angels surround them, and
Allah mentions them amongst those who are with Him. And whoever is slowed down by his actions, will
not be hastened forward by his lineage.
Muslim
How we treat one another directly affects how Allah will treat us.
This is another example of turning everyday actions into worship. Even atheists can help each other, but if we
do it for the sake of Allah, we will be rewarded accordingly. You can transform all of your actions by fixing
your hearts direction, its primary love, its ilaah to its source- to Allah.
Exercise 8. Read the article here.
Discussion:
Traditional psychology is focused on disorders and pathologies, but Martin Seligman tries to study how to
make people happier. His research shows that the best way to improve our well-being is to help others.
Volunteers showed improved well-being and when they could no longer volunteer, the beneficial effects faded.
What this tells us is that Allah is truly al-Latif, subtly designing us to help each other by making it feel good.
There is an intrinsic reward, not just a spiritual one, to helping the people around us.
Just talking about money spent on others makes us happier in a statistically significant way compared to
recalling money spent on ourselves.
Allah really really wants us to help each other. Theres reward in this life, the next, and immediate gratification.

8
8.1

Parents
Rights

And [recall] when We took the covenant from the Children of Israel, [enjoining upon them], Do not worship
except Allah; and to parents do good and to relatives, orphans, and the needy. And speak to people good
[words] and establish prayer and give zakah. Then you turned away, except a few of you, and you were
refusing.
al-Baqarah, 2:83
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether
one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], uff, and do not repel
them but speak to them a noble word.
al-Isra, 17:23

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This is a very good example of a relationship for the sake of Allah. Nowhere in the Quran does Allah say to
be kind to or have mercy on our children, because it comes naturally. However, there are many powerful ayah
about taking care of our parents.
The word used in these ayah is ihsan; this means doing something in the most beautiful way possible.
The first one above really show how important being good to our parents is by first talking about shirk and
then telling us to treat our parents well. Then comes other realatives, then zakah, and then salah. This tells
us about the relative importance of these things.
The second has the same emphasis by pairing shirk with treatment of our parents. Also the onomatopoeia
uff represents irritation, even subtly so. If we go to clean our room, but do so with an uff, even that is
bad. We can obey our parents but do it disrespectfully.
Allah is telling us to be careful with how we treat our parents. The discussion of old age is significant because
the elderly can be difficult to deal with. Elderly people are almost like children, and if it were not for the mercy
and love of parents no one would put up with children. We should treat our parents with the same love as they
age.
Allah is mentioning this specific situation because that is when it might be hardest to be good to them. Even
then, we cannot disrespect them.

8.2

Seeking Approval Versus Pleasing Allah

And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with
Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you
about what you used to do.
al-Ankabut, 29:8
It was narrated from Muawiyah bin Jahimah As-Sulami, that Jahimah came to the Prophet and said: O
Messenger of Allah! I want to go out and fight (in Jihad) and I have come to ask your advice. He said: Do
you have a mother He said: Yes. He said: Then stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.
Darussalam
He also said may they be cursed who have parents who are alive and didnt enter jannah.
However, as much as we love our parents, if they tell us to do something Allah tells us not to, we must obey
Allah.
We cannot disobey the Creator to listen to the creation.

8.3

When You Cant Please Parents

Indeed, [O Muhammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is
most knowing of the [rightly] guided.
al-Qasas, 28:56
Sometimes, we cannot please our parents no matter how much we try.
In these cases, it is important to remember the separation of cause and effect. We have to keep trying because
Allah wants us to.
If they are not pleased with us then that is the will of Allah.
Even the Prophet could not guide his uncle.

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SPOUSE

9
9.1

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Friends
Neediness

A man came to the Prophet and said, O Messenger of Allah, guide me to such an action which, if I do
Allah will love me and the people will also love me. He said, Have no desire for this world, Allah will love
you; and have no desire for what people possess, and the people will love you.
Ibn Majah
If we have zuhd, Allah will love us. And if we have zuhd for what other people have, they will love us.
No one likes jealousy. You cant love someone who always covets what you have.
The people that are always coveting should be wary also. Gifts are also tests, so we should be careful of wanting
too many gifts. We may fail some of the tests that come with those gifts.12
This is not the only meaning of not loving what is in peoples hands though. The more we need what people
can give us, the more they will be repelled by us. When you do not need the acceptance and approval of people
you will get more. No one loves the beggar.
If you dont need a persons approval, they will love you more.

9.2

Dependency

As usual, dont be dependent on the creation. Depend only the Creator. The metaphor of putting your weight
on a twig still applies.

10
10.1

Spouse
Fairy Tales

Exercise 9. Analyze and discuss the messages in excerpts from Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.13
Discussion:
The messages in Sleeping Beauty are that as long as youre quiet and pretty someone will love you.
Unless youre not white. Then no one will love you.
In all seriousness, the story-lines shown here are remarkably pervasive: a womans life is in disarray until a
man comes and saves her.
The idea is that she was basically dead until he came and saved her.
In practice, no one can save us and help us except Allah. No one else can wake us from the dead.
Youll only be happy if youre beautiful. This message is everywhere in our society.
The problem in Cinderella is that the girl is totally powerless to help her, until she is the most beautiful girl
at the ball. A womans success is defined in terms of her ability to find a man to save her, and finding a man
to save her requires being beautiful.
12 The
13 See

story of Qarun is important yet again

here and here

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SPOUSE

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Complete or Complement

Allahs Messenger said, Many amongst men reached (the level of) perfection but none amongst the women
reached this level except Asia, Pharaohs wife, and Maryam, the daughter of Imran. And no doubt, the
superiority of Aisha to other women is like the superiority of Tharid (i.e. a meat and bread dish) to other
meals.
Bukhari
A spouse should complement, not complete, us.
If we were supposed to be completed by marriage, how would Maryam, who never married, be so perfect?
One of the most perfect woman ever was married to one of the cruelest men to ever live. There is a clear lesson
here for us.

10.3
10.3.1

Savior?
Wife of Lut

So We saved him and his family, all, Except an old woman among those who remained behind.
al-Shuara, 26:170-171
And when Our messengers came to Lot, he was distressed for them and felt for them great discomfort.
They said, Fear not, nor grieve. Indeed, we will save you and your family, except your wife; she is to be of
those who remain behind.
al-Ankabut, 29:33
If our spouse is supposed to save us, why was Luts wife left behind?
We cannot save each other. Only Allah can save us.
10.3.2

Asiyah

And Allah presents an example of those who believed: the wife of Pharaoh, when she said, My Lord,
build for me near You a house in Paradise and save me from Pharaoh and his deeds and save me from the
wrongdoing people.
al-Tahrim, 66:11
[Pharaoh] said, You believed him before I gave you permission. Indeed, he is your leader who has taught
you magic. So I will surely cut off your hands and your feet on opposite sides, and I will crucify you on the
trunks of palm trees, and you will surely know which of us is more severe in [giving] punishment and more
enduring.
Ta Ha, 20:71
The phrasing in Asiyahs dua is interesting. We usually say build me a house near you. not build for me
near you a house.
Her first priority is to be close to Allah and this reflects even in the way she makes dua. Her focus is not the
house in jannah, it is Allah.
Keep in mind she was already a queen. If she wanted palaces and mansions, she could have them. But she
sacrificed them for Allah.
Eventually she gave up her life for Allah, as mentioned in the second verse.

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CHILDREN

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End of the Story/Search?

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them;
and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
al-Rum, 30:21
Getting married to someone is not the purpose of our life. It is a sign; it guides us on where to go.
We have to be careful we dont miss the point. Our relationships should bring us closer to Allah.
For Abu Bakr, even the relative who slandered his daughter brought him closer to Allah.
We cant get in the car and be so infatuated with the seats we forget to turn it on.

10.5

Marriage as Character Builder

When a person gets married he has completed half of his religion so let him fear Allah with regard to the
other half.
al-Bayhaqi
Whoever Allah blesses with a pious woman, Allah has in fact helped him with half his din. So he should
fear Allah (struggle to achieve) regarding the other half as well.
Majma al-Zawa by Imam al-Haythami, Kanzl-Ummal
This hadith should not be interpreted as literally completing half your din.
It is easy to talk about self-sacrifice and mercy, but they are very different when put in practice. Marriage
puts all of these to test, so it serves to reinforce those concepts. You dont learn patience until you have to be
patient. Marriage is an exercise in selflessness.
We dont just talk about putting people ahead of each other anymore, we have to actually do it. Marriage is
a character-builder.
It is unfair to expect another person to be our entire happiness. We go into marriage sometimes with a very
selfish mentality, thinking our spouse will do everything for us. Marriage is supposed to help us become a
better person too.
Allah calls marriage a garment because it protects our chastity and spouses cover each others flaws.
Spouses can also push one another to learn more, wake up for prayer, etc. Marriage also makes it easier to
lower our gaze and not commit zinna.
The hadith is saying that marriage has made your din much easier, but continue trying in the areas it has not
made easier.
Marriage is just another tool in our toolbox.

11

Children

And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great
reward.
al-Anfal, 8:28
Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one
another and competition in increase of wealth and children - like the example of a rain whose [resulting]
plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered]
debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is
the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion.
al-Hadid, 57:20

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Allah does not tell us to take care of children but to be wary of them. This is because anything we love can
become a test for us. Every gift is also a test.
The more you love something, the bigger of a test it is. Of all the things Ibrahim could have been tested about,
Allah chose his son because he was the one Ibrahim loved most.
A test about something we dont care about isnt really a test. This is why the things we want most and love
most are denied to us.
Ibrahims ability to follow Allahs command is very significant. He is saying he loves Allah more than his
son, even after trying so long to have a son and spending time raising him. After all that, Allah is still more
important. And he is actively demonstrating this with his actions.
It is very for mothers to place their children at the center of their world and lose focus on Allah without even
noticing. It is so easy because we are supposed to love our children and no one says anything is wrong with
this. But we cannot put children where only Allah belongs.
Of course we love our children and sacrifice for them, but our life does not revolve around them. Some mothers,
once their children grow up, they have trouble letting go. This can lead to competitions between spouses and
parents.
Those competitions are an unnatural consequence of an unnatural action: being attached in an unhealthy way.
Doing this has serious repercussions for us and our children.
Any intense attachment comes at the expense of another. A mother loving her children too much can lead to
neglect of not only Allah, but neglect of her husband. This kind of imbalance is the heart of the problem.
Islam is about giving everyone their due rights. Loving so much your other relationships wither away is not
true love; it is toxic.

12

Self-Image

O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you
may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.
Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.
al-Hujurat, 49:13
Exercise 10. Discuss depiction/objectification of women in the media.
Discussion:
Women are completely objectified with a strong emphasis placed on their sexuality. The message is clear for
women: your worth is in your appearance.
This message begins with Cinderella and every billboard, magazine, and commercial bombards you with this
message. If youre not beautiful, youre worthless.
Allah, however tells us differently, defining success as takwa.

13

Society

Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection.
So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the
life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.
Ale-Imran, 3:185
It is important to leave this course with a clear definition of success.

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As a woman, this means how thin you are; how pretty you are; how many men think youre hot.
Female professionals in general, regardless of field, are nearly always depicted in a sexualized manner. CEOs
on magazine covers are still objectified. The very virtue of being a woman warrants sexualization.
Googling female athletes returns ranked lists of women by attractiveness, not by athletic skill. One of the most
endorsed female athletes is Anna Kournikova, who is not even that good at her sport.
Male athletes on the other hand are defined in terms of their ability to perform.
The general depiction of women in our society are degrading and demeaning. No matter what you achieve,
what matters is how hot men think you are. And when you lose that, youre worthless.
Society might tell us success is about power, wealth, cars, power, relationships, influence, who you marry, etc.
But Allah tells us the truth and tells it to us clearly. That the only successful people are those who are saved
from hell and entered into jannah, and this is true success. Thus, anything that takes you closer to that goal
is good for you, and anything that takes you farther from that goal is bad for you.
May Allah grant us success in purifying and beautifying our hearts and souls in loving Him totally, in making
Him our only ilaah from the depths of our being, in living for the Real Life and not being deceived by
everything else that is passing here, in understanding both good and bad experiences as tests and blessings, in
being successful in living to get into Jannah and then to enter it by His mercy! Ameen!