The Waverly Newsletter

Greenwich, CT Spring 2003

It’s That Time Of Year (Again)

Here are the details for the 2003 Waverly Invitational tournament.
Date: May 15th through May 18th
Venues: Sea Trails Resort & Golf Links / Ocean Ridge Plantation
Accommodations: Three nights (Thursday, Friday & Saturday)
Format: Three Tournament Rounds – 18 holes each day
Three Team Rounds – 9 holes each day

Send your balance due to the Commish by April 30th. Mail it to 2127 Hilton Head Drive,
Round Rock, TX 78664. Remember to include payment for additional nights or golf. The
Calcutta auction will take place Wednesday evening. Soft spike shoes are required on all
2002 Champ Billy Gillette
courses. Coolers are allowed on course. Amenities include a lighted driving range & putting
green, pool, sauna, whirlpool & weight room, and courtesy transportation on the BOB BUS.

After Saturday’s final team round we will retire to the headquarters villa for the group meal. We’ll have beverages,
dinner, presentation of the Champion’s Plaque, awardin g of the prize money and Calcutta payout, and closing
ceremonies. The menu is salad, prime rib or steak, baked potato, ear of corn, applesauce, and cheese cake/crumb apple
pie a la mode.

The scheduled tee times are:

Round Holes Tee Times Course Par Yardage Slope Rating
Wed PM Practice 18 1:24 – 1:32 pm Maples 72 6,332 131 70.6
Thur AM 1st Individual 18 8:04 – 8:28 am
Byrd 72 6,251 127 70.7
Thur PM 1st Team Event 9 2:04 – 2:28 pm
Fri AM 2nd Individual 18 8:02 – 8:26 am Lion’s
72 6,457 130 71.6
Fri PM 2nd Team Event 9 2:00 – 2:24 pm Paw
Sat AM 3rd Individual 18 8:04 – 8:28 am
Jones 72 6,334 128 70.8
Sat PM 3rd Team Event 9 2:04 – 2:28 pm

The Field, Their Mileage, The War by the Shore Competition

Here are the “War by the Shore” teams. The events are Alternate Shot, 2-Man Scramble, & Mano y Mano.

Past Champions (# of championships) vs. Wanna Be Champions

th
Rick Hakes (3), 20 year Patrick English, 12th year
Bill Gillette (1), 18th year Ike Feikleberry, 3rd year
Marty Kurlich (1), 18th year Joe Logan, 3rd year
Tim Bardo (1), 12th year Terry Sortevik, 3rd year
Tom Barnes (1), 11th year Tod Arbogast, 2nd year
Pat Horn (2), 11th year Jeff Groom, 2nd year
Ray Leonardo (1), 6th year Brad Jones, 2nd year
and Phil Eberhardt, Rookie
Tom Courtenay, 13th year*
*Longest Player At The Waverly Invitational Not To Win

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 The Payouts
Individual Competition LD / CTP / Gross & Net / Team Competition The Calcutta
1st $150 Three Long Drives $20 each Winning % Owner Player
2nd 110 Six Closest to the Pin $20 each 1st 30% 22.50% 7.50%
3rd 80 Lowest Single Round Gross Score $10 2nd 20% 15.00% 5.00%
4th 60 Lowest Single Round Net Score $10 3rd 15% 11.25% 3.75%
5th 40 Winning Team Each Day – 3 Events $10 per man 4th 10% 7.50% 2.50%
6th 30 Winning Team Overall $15 per man 5th 10% 7.50% 2.50%
7th 20 Total $560 6th 5% 3.75% 1.25%
Last 1 7th 5% 3.75% 1.25%
Total $501 8th 5% 3.75% 1.25%
Total 100% 75.00% 25.00%
They Said It
During their 1998 breakup, Nick Faldo's girlfriend Brenna Cepelak took a nine-iron to his Porsche 959. "It would
really have upset me if she'd wrecked my best clubs," said Faldo.

Ben Franklin - “Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” They should put him on the one
hundred dollar bill for this alone.

Trivia
What was the largest single event paycheck on the PGA Tour for Jack Nicklaus?
a. $50,000 b. $144,000 c. $414,000 d. $540,000

The Curse of “The Drink”

Due to increasing products liability litigation, Americ an liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that
the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like Elaine on Seinfeld .
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better
looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are dying for you to telephone them
at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the
opposite sex without spitting either on yourself or them.

The Known Golfer

Jack Lemmon – “If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.”
Mark Twain – “It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”
Harry Vardon – “Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.”
Ben Hogan – “Reverse every natural instinct and do the oppos ite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably
come very close to having a perfect golf swing.”

The Masters or The Waverly? (by The Swing Doc)

“The tournament is about competition and tradition. It is about beauty and splendor. It is about hospitality and
gentility. It is about a few days during the year when we can focus on the glory of God’s creation and take a break
from the sewage-filled realities of global and domestic unrest, failing economies, drugs, violence, and hate.”

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The Waverly Website
The website is now back up and running at www.thewaverly.com. Thanks to Commissioner Hakes for supplying the
needed ISP capacity. Tim Bardo is our accomplished Webmaster.

For those who want to use the Yahoo! Sport Golf Handicap Tracker to keep their handicap, a private Waverly group
has been set up (golf.sports.yahoo.com/tracker). The group name is “waverly”, the group number is 9185, and the
password is “skank”. The Yahoo!Sports Golf Handicap Tracker is free of charge. Just set up a MyYahoo! account,
which is also free of charge.

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News, Notes and Dirt
A few thoughts during a slow day at the office ……. With more appropriate handicaps in effect, last year’s rookies are
looking to open up a high-octane can of whup-ass on the field this year …….. Always do sober what you said you'd do
drunk, that will teach you to keep your mouth shut ……. For Tom Courtenay’s sake, Brad Jones will wear a nametag
this year ……. Just once, before I die, I’d love to hear somebody at the Waverly Invitational say, “I think I’ll just have
the salad, please.” ……. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do ……. What ever happened
to Don Boss ……. Odds are even that the Commish doesn’t make it to the group dinner for the third year in a row
……. Odds are better than even that the Waverly participant most likely to organize a road trip to the Crazy Horse is
Ike ……. To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends ……. For the team competition, the Past Champions
have 101 combined years of Waverly experience versus 20 combined years for the Wanna Be Champions …… Well
done is better than well said ……. Of the Wanna Be Champions 20 combined years of Waverly experience, P. English
accounts for 11 years ……. Beer does not make you fat. It makes you lean - against bars, poles and tables …….
Experience is very, very, very highly over-rated ……. Due to his past Waverly wagers, Woody has more cash than all
of Peru ……. Middle Age - When you choose your cereal based upon the fiber, not the toy ……. Shouldn’t the
Commish just give Bardo the Lowest Single Round Gross Score prize money before the tournament starts ……. If
alcohol is a crutch, then Jack Daniels is a wheelchair ……. Whoever rooms with Pat Horn should automatically get at
least one extra stroke added to their handicap - call it fatigue pay ……. Say a prayer for our guys over there - freedom
is a great thing.

The Unknown Golfer

I've spent most of my life golfing. The rest I've just wasted. -- Author Unknown
If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. -- Author Unknown
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Author Unknown

Consider This: (by The Swing Doc)

What if Martha Burke’s next target of “equality” is The Waverly?

• Shopping would become a part of the tournament events. Prizes would be awarded for the best ensemble purchase,
best bargain (spending more to save more), most shoes bought, and a consolation prize for anybody who bought
an item from Wal-Mart.

• A golf bag inspection of the participants would find spare tampons for those emergency “heavy” days, and a score
clicker to help figure out how many times your playing partner whiffed, and said “Oh, my!”

• Arguments would break out at the condos over who peed on, and then left up the toilet seat.

• Refrigerators would be stocked with a nice bouquet of wine, wine coolers, cheese, and a veggie tray for snacks.
Beer would only be allowed on the bottom shelf, behind the tortellini and tuna casserole.

• You’d hear comments on the first tee that have never been heard before, like: “Do these shorts make my hips look
big?” or “I hope these holes go all different directions so I get an even tan today.”

• More putts would be missed than ever before, due to the male participants staring at the female participants
nipples getting rock-hard after said female sinks a putt for triple bogey.

• Somebody might play a pink golf ball without being forced to.

• Golf courses would be rated on their floral selections, and the number of holes between on-course restrooms.

• After many hours of complaining about how mean and thoughtless of others the Commissioner is, the position
would be renamed to something like “The Event Coordinator”

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The Field, The Skinny
(Handicap last year / this year)
Tim Bardo (7/7) – Does things with a golf ball that would’ve had him burned at the stake 300 years ago.
Tom Barnes (13/14) – At a 14, this human swizzle stick will be in the hunt. Co-favorite as repeat winner.
Tod Arbogast (R/15) – Last year’s unanimous choice as Rookie of the Year. Will be solid challenger for best dressed.
Jeff Groom (R/15) – Last year’s undisputed selection as Rookie of the Year. 2:1 odds he’ll be at the Crazy Horse.
Marty Kurlich (14/15) – Can’t afford to have a bad hair day. Needs 2 solid rounds to contend & play in last group.
Brad Jones (R/16) – Last year’s unanimous pick as Rookie of the Year. Will be unyielding candidate for best tan.
Tom Courtenay (16/17) – Real chance taker, would try the tightrope without a net. The epitome of “It’s the Waverly.”
Terry Sortevik (14/17) – 3 stroke gain & more fun to watch than demolition derby. Co-favorite as 1 st time winner.
Ray Leonardo (18/18) – A matador in FootJoys. Loves the area and playing his home course. He’ll be a contender.
Billy Gillette (28/23) – New handicap really hurts. Lay-up gene removed at birth, but its DNA not needed for golf.
Rick Hakes (22/23) – Looking to win 4th Waverly title after 14-year hiatus. He’s due. Co-favorite as repeat winner.
Ike Feikleberry (26/26) – Move to Minnesota won’t help. Can’t afford to repeat last year’s final round disaster.
Joe Logan (26/26) – This dude is cooler than a penguin’s freezer, and he’s got game. Co-favorite as 1st time winner.
Patrick English (26/27) – Lamer than Lawrence Welk. Many a man has lost money betting on him.
Pat Horn (30/28) – A strong finisher last year. Losing 2 strokes hurts. Wants hat trick title after 6-year interlude.
Phil Eberhardt (R) – Nickname “Cha-Ching”. If being a no chance rookie isn’t enough of a severe handicap, Phil’s
brother-in-law is Ray The Butcher. Welcome to the Waverly. Have fun, enjoy the moment.

Safe Travel.
Next edition of The Waverly Newsletter: Summer 2003.
Trivia answer: c. $144,000 for the 1986 Masters. Incidentally, the largest single event paycheck on the PGA Tour for
Arnold Palmer was $50,000.

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