Helping Your Teenager

Succeed in School

To succeed in school and work teenagers need to know they are capable of doing a good job.
Teachers working daily with middle school and high school students report that the most
important "school supply" a teenager can bring to school is a "Can Do" attitude!

Help Your Teenager Get Organized

• Expect responsibility: Encourage your teenager to plan out a daily routine and stick to it.
• Schedule study time: Post a family calendar that schedules study time and school project deadlines,
athletic activities, mid-term dates, exam periods and report card deadlines.
• Keep track of assignments: Turning in assignments on time is essential and an assignment book is
the key. Encourage your teenager to write down all assignments and the dates due and check this
regularly to keep the work on schedule.
• Help with homework: Giving help does not mean doing, but helping to understand assignments,
listening to oral reports and proofreading first drafts or discussing a problem.
• Provide a study place: Provide your teenager with a desk or table in a quiet place with a bright light
and a comfortable chair. Keep a supply of paper, pencils, pens, ruler, tape and stapler on hand to
avoid lost time. Handy paperback reference books are an asset-dictionary, atlas, thesaurus and
almanac.
• Provide materials for organizing: Successful students keep materials for each subject separate.
Some use notebooks with folders, others use colored-coded notebooks. Whatever system your
teenager likes, provide the supplies and work with them to make certain the system is used.

Support 100% Attendance

Some kinds of absences are unavoidable, but the trend toward taking students out of school for medical
appointments, family vacations and even shopping trips, should be eliminated.

It Takes Teamwork
The school can send newsletters and notes home, but teachers also need to hear from parents if the best job is
to be done for a student.
• Help's Nearby: Please urge your teenager to seek individual help from his or her teacher{s}
whenever a difficulty arises.
• Call teachers: When you have a question or comment about school or your teenager's work, please
call his or her teacher. They want to hear from you. It's important to call if something your child says
about school doesn't quite ring true. Call and check out the story.
• Get involved: Attend school activities--open houses and parent/teacher conferences. When your
teenager sees you involved he or she will also see education as a high priority. Another way to
demonstrate your commitment to education is to become a school volunteer.

Permission to reprint granted from the Minnetonka Public Schools, 261 School Ave., Excelsior MN 55331

Page 1 of 17
You Can Make A Difference!

P arents play a major role in bui1ding confidence in their children by encouraging them in these ways:

Be generous with praise

A good rule of thumb is five positive comments for each negative one. Don't be insincere, but look carefully for things
the child does right to comment on first--then approach the negative in a positive way.
Say "I love you” in many ways

• Spend time with your child doing what he or she wants to do.
• Give honest praise in the presence of others.
• Say "I'm sorry" when you are.
• Forgive when he or she hurts or disappoints you.
• Take time to LISTEN.
• Respect your child's opinions.
• Show physical affection "did you hug your child today?"
• Let gifts be symbols, not proofs of love.

Encourage "personal best"

Help your child by encouraging him or her to do their "personal best" in school and at home. Remember, "personal best"
does not mean "perfect," and learning is not the same as high grades, and children like adults must have the freedom to
make mistakes and learn from them.
Let your priorities show
Your attitude toward school attendance, education and involvement in the school makes a strong and lasting impression
on your child.
Keep skeletons in the closet
If you want your youngster to succeed, don't provide such excuses as, “I was never any good at math either."
Show interest in school work
Talk about school each day. Ask to see classwork, encourage your teenager to discuss new ideas and defend his or her
opinions. Express your pride in thoughts expressed and ski11s shown. Show interest and appreciation.
Avoid pressuring your teen
Pressure results from comparing one person against another. Inspire a young person to perform to his or her own
“personal best." Have specific suggestions about how your child can do better:
• Reading the assignment when it's given
• Keeping a list of new vocabulary
• Proofreading material to catch errors before writing a final draft
• Outlining a chapter to prepare for class
• Reviewing notes before a test

Help set goals

At the beginning of each quarter or semester of the school year ask your teenager to identify three or four goals. (You
could settle for just one!) Put the goals where the teenager can frequently refer to them. (Many parents find the
refrigerator an excellent spot.) Make sure the goals are more specific than just "better grades."

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 Listen-So They'll Talk
Good communication builds good relationships and is the best foundation for helping your teenager learn to
make more of his or her own decisions.

Listening is an art that requires practice. Here are some ideas to help you become a better listener for your
child's sake.

Be attentive
Stop what you're doing as soon as you can and give full attention. Focus fully on your child's words, using eyes as well
as ears. A youngster may say nothing is wrong when dejected looks tell you differently. So be sensitive to tone of voice
and expression. Ask yourself what your child is trying to tell you.

Encourage talk
Eye contact, a smile, a nod and one-word responses indicate understanding if not agreement. Keep questions brief, open
and friendly, and try to avoid "why" questions. Children don't always know all the reasons behind their actions and
feelings and open-ended questions won't help.
Often repeating an important idea your teenager has expressed, but in a tentative way, draws the child out. "It
sounds like your feelings were hurt when she said that." "You must feel very proud to have done that. Am I right?"

Try to empathize
Understanding others begins with empathy, putting yourself into another's shoes. Empathizing with your teenager may
take imagination and patience, but try to focus on underlying feelings the child may be having difficulty in expressing.

Listen with respect

React to your teenager as you would to an adult friend. Grownups tend to do most of the talking when conversing with
young people. LISTEN as much as you talk. After speaking for half a minute or so, stop and let your youngster have a
chance. Accept the fact that teenagers are complainers. Let them get their grievances oft' their chests. Try not to interrupt
or push a topic they don't want to discuss.

Talk-so they'll listen

Take time to have relaxed conversations alone with each of your children on a regular basis-five to 10 minutes each day.
Frequent talks will help you spot difficulties before they become real problems. In open discussions, various points of
view are expressed and everyone both TALKS AND LISTENS. It is often helpful to be doing something together when
you talk-and preferably when others are not around.
Here are some specific guidelines for talking with adolescents:
• Show respect. As you did in listening, so in. talking. Show your teenager the same courtesy and interest you would show
your adult friends.
• Be brief. The time to stop talking is before your teenager stops listening! If you must get across a message, feed a little
information-- remember the HALF-MINUTE rule for good listening?-then ask for comment before adding a little more. Try
hot to lecture.
• Be aware of your tone of voice. Often it's not what you say but how you say it that conveys your message--how loudly,
softly, fast or slowly you speak. You also communicate with eye contact and facial expression.
• Be specific. Strive consciously to communicate in simple and specific terms.
• Help your teenager empathize with you by expressing your feelings. Reveal some of your inner self. Let your child know
you also are an individual and can be hurt by others, even confused in your thinking and fearful of certain situations.

Source: Helping Youth Decide, National Assn. of State Boards of Education, Helping Youth Decide Project. For additional information or materials
write NASBE, 701 North Fairfax St., Suite 340, Alexandria VA 22314.
Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 3 of 17
 Saying 'No'
There are lots of ways to say NO when it is appropriate to do so. Teenagers are more likely to stand up for
themselves and their beliefs if they can do so without embarrassing themselves or offending their friends.
One of the things that teens have to learn-and parents can teach them-is that it's a11 right to be different once in
a while, that real friends will respect their individuality and honesty. You can point out that bucking the crowd can
actually be a source of strength-and so can speaking up in an effort to change minds among their friends.

How Peer Pressure Works

Discuss with your teen how peer pressure works. Suggest that friends who are pressuring may be feeling pressure
themselves and may even be relieved if someone else has the courage to say NO and to explain why.

What Makes A Leader?

Talk about qualities that make a leader. Explain that saying NO doesn't have to mean being left stranded by friends and
peers. One can disagree and gain support by offering a better idea. People admire those who offer new ideas and seem
confident of themselves and their beliefs.

Say No Gracefully
Discuss ways of saying NO gracefully. A polite "No, thank you" will have a better effect than a rude or insulting refusal.
Giving a reason without being critical is less threatening to the other person. Using humor eases the tension and takes the
spotlight off a refusal. And, suggesting alternatives will let friends know that you still want to to be with them-even if
you don't want to do what they have suggested.

Stay involved. Whatever you do keep trying. Talking to a school counselor, teacher, minister or trusted friend may help. Raising the
subject one day, but waiting until the next to talk about it, may help. Good communication will make the teen years a lot easier on
each of you.

Setting Limits-When Parents Must Say No

Firm, fair, clear and consistent guidelines are especially helpful when teenagers are wavering and unsure about what to
think or do. Your rules can serve as an excuse for them not to go along with the crowd. ("I can't, my mom would kill
me.")
• State the rule calmly. An angry order is often taken as a direct challenge on, as an attack on your children's
friends or taste.
• State your reasons for the rule. Teenagers want to know why. Even if they don't agree, they will understand that
the rule is based on your concern for them, not on your wish to keep them from having fun.
• Assure them there win be new privileges as they get older. Explain that trust is earned. And be sure to keep the
promises you make. Few things will undermine your relationship faster than unkept promises.

Source: Helping Youth Say No, National Assn. of State Boards of Education, Parent Education Project. Other
publications include Helping Youth Decide and its Spanish counterpart Decidiendo Juntos, designed to improve parent-
child communication; Helping Youth Decide: A Workshop Guide assists those working with families to provide, in a
group setting, additional insight in communication and decision-making skills. To receive single copies of these
publications or additional information about the Parent Education Project write NASBE, 701 North Fairfax Street, Suite
340, Alexandria VA 22314.

Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 4 of 17
 Self-Esteem: The Key to Success in School and in Life

Critical decisions in children's lives, such as whether or not to use drugs or to stay in school or drop out, are
affected by their sense of self-worth--their self-esteem. Helping children develop good self-esteem is
probably the most important thing parents can do for their children, because self-esteem is the foundation
on which children build the rest of their lives.
• People with high self-esteem are capable of making good decisions, proud of their accomplishments,
willing to take responsibility and able to cope with frustration.
• Self-esteem is closely tied to family and environment. When children feel that they are listened to,
taken seriously and genuinely cared for, their self-esteem is high.

Source: The National PTA, "Back to School Guide for Parents" special advertising section, Redbook Publication 1987, The Hearst
Corporation. For additional materials and information write The National PTA, 700 North Rush Street, Chicago IL 60611.

15 ways to help children like themselves

1. Reward children. Give praise, recognition, a special privilege or increased responsibility for a job
well done. Emphasize the good things they do, not the bad.
2. Take their ideas, emotions and feelings seriously. Don't belittle them by saying, "You'll grow out of
it" or "it's not as bad as you think."
3. Define limits and rules clearly, and enforce them. But do allow leeway for your children within
these limits.
4. Be a good role model. Let your children know that you feel good about yourself. Also let them see
that you too can make mistakes and can learn from them.
5. Teach your children how to deal with time and money. Help them spend time wisely and budget
their money carefully.
6. Have reasonable expectations for your children. Help them to set reasonable goals so they can
achieve success.
7. Help your children develop tolerance toward those with different values, backgrounds and norms.
Point out other people's strengths.
8. Give your children responsibility. They will feel useful and valued.
9. Be reasonable. Give support when children need it.
10. Show them that what they do is important to you. Talk with them about their activities and interests.
Go to their games, parents' .day at school, drama presentations, and awards ceremonies.
11. Express your values, but go beyond "do this" or "I want you to do that." Describe the experiences
that determined your values, the decisions you made to accept certain beliefs, the reasons behind
your feelings.
12. Spend time together. Share favorite activities.
13. Discuss problems without placing blame or commenting on a child's character. If children know that
there is a problem but don't feel attacked, they are more likely to help look for a solution.
14. Use phrases that build self-esteem, such as "Thank you for helping" or "That was an excel1ent
idea!" Avoid phrases that hurt self-esteem, "Why are you so stupid?" "How many times have I told
you?"
15. Show how much you care about them. Hug them. Tell them they are terrific and that you love them.

Remember the Power of Praise!

Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 5 of 17
 Coping With Challenge

Stay friends with your teenager

Don't, DON’T retreat from your child's life when he or she becomes a teenager. Yes, your child will demand
more freedom and privacy but he or she will need your friendship, support and caring even more.
Meet your teenager on his or her own ground. Find out the teenager’s interests and share them. Your child
may not want to sit with you, but you’ll have something to talk about after the game. Challenge your teenager
to a tennis match--or to doubles with another parent-child team. Take a class together. Work on a project
together instead of separately.
If a gulf has already started to widen--bridge it. It's never too late to begin-or resume--doing things with
your child.

'Turn Down That... "

Can a teenager really learn while the radio's blasting? If your teenager says he or she concentrates better with
music in the background, what is meant is the teenager is in the habit of studying with music on.
What can you do? Try phasing out the music over a week or two by turning down the volume a little at a
time. If your child complains about needing the music to drown out the TV or people's talking, examine the
noise level in your household. Perhaps you can designate quiet places or quiet times.

Form a Parent Network

“Everybody does it,” says your child.
NO, everybody doesn't do it, but you’ll never know for sure unless you talk to other parents. Whether you
visit with other parents over the back fence or have organized monthly meetings, parent support groups are an
effective way of dealing with the responsibilities of being a parent.
Some groups have been formed by parents of children with chemical abuse problems. Others have
developed among parents who want to prevent problems. They may set common rules for their youngsters.
They may organize activities that are an alternative to questionable parties or recreational activities their
children want to attend. Past networks have established rules on topics such as these:
• School night and weekend curfews
• Youngsters' responsibility to let parents know where they are at all times
• Adult chaperones at all parties
• No drinking and driving
• No overnights without communication between parents
• No party-crashing.

Evaluate the value of TV

The average American child watches television five hours a day, or 1,825 hours a year.
• Protect your child's reading, studying and activity time by controlling the television.
• Consider time limits, or keeping the TV off until after homework is completed. Or you can schedule
special programs into your family calendar, but limit total TV time. Some families use TV as an
incentive, letting children earn TV hours with chores, or well done homework.
• Keeping activities in proportion

Page 6 of 17
 Sports, after-school classes and music lessons are all beneficial activities. However, your child's
schoolwork can suffer if he or she doesn't have time for relaxing, phoning and socializing. Watch your
teenager's schedule carefully to be certain he or she does not become harried and pressured. Communicate
clearly that school is the top priority. If a parent doesn't help protect study time, it can easily be whittled
away.

Weight the Gain in "Gainfully Employed"

A majority of high school students today have part-time jobs, averaging about 20hours a week, according to a
recent national survey.
These jobs help students develop self-confidence, learn job skills and gain a better understanding of the
working world--plus earn spending money!
However, devoting this much time to a job means that teenagers have less time for other activities--and
often it's their schoolwork that suffers.

• Be sure your teenager's job is governed by your family's priorities.

• If your youngster aims for college, studies are important-more important in the long run than the
stereo he or she is working to buy or the car the teenager is going to have to support.
• If the teenager wants to begin a career straight out high school, help him or her to be aware that an
employer may value performance in vocational courses more highly than hundreds of hours of mini-
mum-wage work.

Monitor eating, sleeping habits

Set and enforce good health habits.

They'll payoff for your teenager. Too many children succumb to the taste-temptations of junk food and the
time-temptations of late night TV, which wrecks havoc on their health habits. Establish good nutrition rules
and stock the refrigerator with nourishing snack food.
Setting limits is a sign of love which your children will actually appreciate at the very same time they're
arguing against them.
A youngster may say he or she is not hungry for breakfast before school, but the same child win have
trouble concentrating in class from 9 a.m. to noon because his or her energy level is too low.

Permission to reprint granted by Minnetonka Public Schools, 261 School Ave., Excelsior MN 55331

Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 7 of 17
 Discipline
A Three-Point Plan
"A three-point 'constructive discipline' plan nets good results in school and home.'" Designed by the Los
Angeles (Calif.) County Office of Education, and written up in Parade Magazine, a "constructive discipline'"
program for students is producing results. There are three parts to the technique:
1. Reward good behavior with praise, recognition, prizes and privileges.
2. Ignore minor infractions or work out deals to reward children for reducing minor misbehavior.
3. Punish only "major misbehavior'"-vanda1ism, truancy, disruption, fighting, resisting authority, drug
use.
Parents easily can adapt the program at home.

Families Who Care

In Green Bay, Wis., parents from public and parochia1 schools joined together to develop guidelines to help
parents concerned about their children. The guidelines have four main sections:

1. Family Communication--Know where to reach each other by phone. Be awake or awakened, when your
children come home at night. Assure your children they can telephone you to be picked up whenever needed.
Get to know your children's friends and their parents. Form a parent network and call one another about con-
cerns or questions. Support school regulations as a family.

2. Reasonable Hours--On school nights, children should be home unless employed or attending school,
church or community events, or studying at the library. Parents agreed that students should be home a half-
hour after the activity ends.

.
3 Social Life--Be alert to signs of drug and alcohol abuse and be aware that driving after drinking or drug
use is a crime. When a child is going to a party, feel free to contact host parents to verify the occasion and
check on supervision. Ask what win and win not be served. As a host parent, encourage your children to ten
their friends their parents are welcome to inquire about the party.

.
4 Malls and Shopping Centers--Be sure your children know where to go for help if problems occur.
Encourage reasonable time limits for shopping. Be aware of the amount of money your children have to spend
and what items are brought home.

10 Ways Parents Can Improve Discipline

1. Be familiar with school rules and regulations and support them.
2. Take an active interest in your child's activities, both academic and extracurricular.
3. Talk to teachers about your child's behavior patterns.
4. When consistent discipline problems occur, talk to your child. Find out why he or she is misbehaving. Be an active
listener.

Page 8 of 17
5. Stress the importance of good discipline at home and at school to your child.
6. Monitor your child's behavior at home by encouraging the discussion of daily events.
7. Be a good role model for your children.
8. Show respect for your children and they will show respect for others.
9. Encourage independence. Give your children a chance to take part in making decisions about things that affect their
lives.
10. Be sure your child eats properly. Bad eating habits can cause disciplinary problems.
Good behavior begins at home. And, that's where parents can help children become well-adjusted, self-disciplined, law-
abiding citizens. Control...conduct...rules. We know what discipline is, but it is difficult to define. By cooperating with
teachers in enforcing the school’s discipline policies and holding the same policies for a child's activities at home,
parents can be a part of their child's educational development.

Source: Parental Involvement, An Agenda for Excellence, Pennsylvania Public Schools.

Discipline at Home = Behavior in School

Never punish in anger and remember that punishment does not mean
abuse, rather restriction of activities or reduction of privileges.

How parents handle discipline at home translates into a child's behavior in school. Suggestions for parents to
follow in order to provide better discipline practices include:

• Use a positive approach. Say "do this" more than "don't do that."
• Say what you mean...and mean what you say. And don't fool yourself, a child knows the
difference.
• Be clear. A child should never be confused about the rules. Rules should be simple and
explained carefully.
• Be reasonable and understanding. When possible, explain why things have to be the way
they are. And try to understand your child's feelings about how things are.
• Remind yourself that children are different. What works with one child may not work
with another.
• Set an example for your children. Your own behavior is the base for establishing your
expectations of them.
• Set limits on your children's behavior. Agree with your children on the limits and make it
clear what the consequences are for breaking the rules. Enforce the consequences when
necessary.
• Be certain that you punish when you say you will.
• Punish as soon as the misdeed is done...don't put the punishment off for a later time or to
another person.
• Stick to your decision. Never let a child talk you out of a punishment you feel is necessary.

Source: Pennsylvania Department of Education, "An Agenda for Excellence in Pennsylvania Public Schools."

Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 9 of 17
 Drug Abuse and Your Teens: What Parents
Should Know
Drug use is too widespread to assume that it will never touch your son's or daughter's life.

How can I tell if my child is abusing drugs or alcohol?

.

If you find alcohol, drugs, or drug paraphernalia in your child's possession, there's a strong probability that
your child is using drugs. Certain behaviors also can warn you that your child may be involved with drugs:
• Abrupt change in mood or attitude
• Sudden decline in attendance or performance at work or school
• Impaired relationship with family or friends
• Ignoring curfews
• Unusual flare-ups of temper
• Increased borrowing of money from parents or friends; stealing from home, school or employer
• Heightened secrecy about actions and possessions
• Associating with a new group of friends, especially with those who use drugs.
While these behaviors may indicate drug use, they may also reflect normal teenage growing pains. By
observing your child, getting to know his or her friends, and talking to your child about problems including
drugs and alcohol, you should be able to learn whether he or she is involved.

What do I say if I think my child is abusing drugs?

In a straightforward way, tell your child about your concern and the reasons for it; taking drugs is harmful to
one's physical, mental and social well-being. Tell your child that you are opposed to any drug use and you
intend to enforce that position.
Remember, if your child is using drugs, she or he needs your help. You may want help also. Seeking the
support of other parents in your community will enable you to handle this problem in a more understanding
and helpful way. Don't be afraid to be a strong parent.

How can I stop my child from using drugs?

If, after you've established a rule against drug use, your child violates it, it's time to back up that rule with
discipline. Unless you're prepared to enforce it, the rule win become meaningless.
One of the most effective punishments is grounding. Forcing the child to stay home gives parents and the
child a chance to talk. Also it is important to talk to the parents of your child's friends about why you have
taken this necessary action and to ask their support in making it succeed. If peer pressure is part of the
problem, grounding removed your child from the group.
If the problem becomes too much for you to handle alone, consider professional help. Counselors trained
in working with youth can help re-open communication between parent and child. Contact your child's
classroom teacher or building principal to help you locate help to supplement your efforts at home to
eliminate your child's involvement with drugs.

How can I work with other parents to stop or prevent drug abuse?
One way is by joining a parent peer group. These groups are based on the idea that the most effective way to
stop a child from using drugs is to stop his or her friends from using them too. When parents join together and

Page 10 of 17
take a united stand against drug use, they become much more effective than if they act separately. Parents can
also benefit from the support of other parents by helping each other resist pressure from parents who do not
set the same limits on their children's behavior.

Parent Peer Groups Can Provide:

Education.. .
...researching and sharing information on drugs and the
hazards of drug use.

Support...
...providing emotional support to one another in coping
with their children's drug problems.

Community action...
...approaching local and state governments, school
officials and businesses for their cooperation in
stopping drug abuse.

For more information:

National Clearinghouse for Drug Abuse Information, Post Office Box 1909, Rockville MD 20857
Alateen, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Post Office Box 182, Madison Square Station, New York
NY 10159
National Clearinghouse for Alcohol Information, Post Office Box 2345, Rockville MD 20852
National PTA Drug and Alcohol Abuse Prevention Project, 700 N. Rush St., Chicago IL 60611

Source: National PTA, 700 N. Rush St., Chicago IL 60614, made possible with a grant from Chevron U.S.A
Inc., San Francisco, CA (Excerpted with permission from the National Institute on Drug Abuse publication,
Parents: What You Can Do About Drug Abuse.)

Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 11 of 17
 Helping With Homework
Parents who help their children, in elementary, middle or high school grades, with homework play a major
role in boosting student achievement.
Some Guidelines:
Set a regular time and place. In the primary grades, before homework is assigned, take time daily to read to
your child and discuss what's happened during the day.
In the upper elementary grades, a half hour should be set aside for studying and reviewing. Ask your
child's teacher how much time he or she would recommend for homework.
In the junior high and high school years establish with your child a homework schedule that you both
agree on and then see that it is followed.
• If the homework includes directions, read them carefully-or ask your child to read them to you-to make certain
they are clearly understood before starting work.
• Check to see if your child is following directions. If there are problems, demonstrate one as an example, do the
next one together, and then have your child finish the assignment alone. Offer to read the finished work and
help your child correct any mistakes. Don't give the answer or do the work for the child.
• If you don't understand an assignment your child has received, contact the teacher--or advise your child to go to
the teacher for help. Write teachers from time to time indicating what you have noted about your child's
progress with homework.
• Be certain your child has a quiet place to study with good light, necessary supplies-paper, dictionary, pencils,
thesaurus and a secure place to keep materials where they will not be disturbed.
• Conduct spelling practice, math drills and other activities to help your child.

Special Help:
Many school districts are establishing support activities to help with homework assignments. These
include:
• Hotline resource lines handled by teachers during study hours in the evening. Students or parents can call in
for help.
• Parent hotlines staffed by parent volunteers working to help students and/or parents with homework
assignments. Many such hotlines offer bilingual help.
• Community and/or school homework/tutoring center. More and more community groups, parent volunteers
and school personnel are setting up special homework/tutoring centers to help students after regular school
hours or in the evening. Several successful programs for both students and their parents are being held on
Saturdays.

Help Children See Value of Studying

One of the most important ways you can help your children with their homework is to help them believe the
time they spend studying will make a difference, according to Homework: Helping Students Achieve, a
booklet published by the American Assn. of School Administrators. Here are some ways to do that:
• Stress that homework is important. Set and provide a suitable place.
• Be available to quiz your son or daughter
• If your child has trouble with schoolwork, take time to sit down and find the root of the problem. A session with
your son or daughter’s teacher may help.

--IASB: School Public Relations Service, Illinois Assn. of School Boards. Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 12 of 17
 A Parent's Guide to Helping Teenagers Cope

Teenagers long to be accepted, to be part of a group. And groups of teens want everyone to
do things the group's way. That's peer pressure and it comes in many forms.

Some peer pressure is good...

Wanting to get good grades in school, to excel in a sport, or to become a good musician can
all result from positive peer pressure.
Some peer pressure is bad...
The pressure to try drugs, to drink or smoke, to take wild risks, to do something illegal also
result from peer pressure.

Sometimes peer pressure comes in the form of a direct challenge: "If you don't join us, you're out!" More
often peer pressure will be in the form of silent rules. "Do it with us or be excluded.” No matter what its form,
peer pressure is real and teenagers are especially vulnerable. To help your children during their teenage years
you can begin with understanding.

The Search for Identity

When they are young, children tend to accept the values and beliefs of parents and other adults. Then one day
they begin to think about and question those values and beliefs. This is part of making them their own and a
process teenagers go through. Friends are important in this process because they provide feedback. Teenagers
need reactions, and their fellow teens are willing to give honest opinions, to listen, to be sympathetic eyes and
ears as they all try out new roles and ideas.
This doesn't mean parents aren't important to them anymore. They are. Teenagers may not ask your
opinion on clothes or music, but when it comes to important things--an illness, job, college or career plans,
they are listening--even if they don't always show it.

The Search for Independence

• Parents want children to become self-sufficient, to make their own decisions. The problem is some
days your teenagers may amaze you with their mature insights and the next astound you with some
foolish stunt pulled with friends.
• Rebelliousness is inevitable and can even be healthy in adolescence.
• Questioning rules, taking risks, testing limits are all part of the way teenagers prove to themselves and
their friends that they do have some control over their lives.
• Parents do have to set clear limits in these years. They must recognize both the movement toward
independence and the continuing need for guidance and authority. It is a delicate balancing act.
• Hanging out in groups, dressing and talking like their friends and being part of the crowd are also
normal ways of struggling for independence. It builds the confidence necessary to take the big step
into adulthood and genuine independence.
• With the help of peers, teenagers learn how to build friendships including friendships with the
opposite sex. They learn about trust, compromise and the value of friendship. Teens use each other to
develop and practice social skills that will serve them throughout their adult lives.

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 • Peer groups provide the testing ground for trying out emerging adult identities. They are a bridge
between childhood dependence and adult independence. That is why friends and peers are so
important in a teenager's life.
• There will be times when teenagers win want to do things that you believe are wrong. There are
things you can do to help and guide the way through these years to help your child survive what can
be bad peer pressure.
Pointers for Parents
The key to dealing with peer pressure is self-confidence. Teens who are unsure of themselves-and want to be
accepted-are much more likely to give in to negative peer pressure than those who have plenty of confidence.
Here are some ways parents can help teenagers develop self-confidence:
• Show interest in your teens' activities
• Support your teens' growing independence. Encourage responsibility.
• Help set realistic goals
• Avoid personal criticism. When it is necessary to be critical, it is better to attack the problem.
• Show your teens you love and respect them. Knowing they can count on you will help in developing
confidence in relationships with people outside the family.
Thinking Ahead
• You can help your teenagers anticipate problem situations before they arise.
• Bring up a situation that worries you. Ask what your teenager would do in such a situation. Listen to
the reaction. Try to respond by asking further questions and making suggestions-not lecturing!
• Consider alternative actions. Discuss different ways of reacting to a peer pressure situation. Talk
about the consequences of various alternatives.
• Leave the discussion open for further consideration. Your goal is to help think through the issue in a
calm way-not to force your opinion or to extract a reluctant promise. Give your teenager a chance to
think about it and draw his or her own conclusions.

Making a Decision
One way to help your teenagers become better decision makers is to step out of your role of exclusive decision maker
and take on the new role of coach and helper. Teach these steps for making a decision:

1. Discuss the problem. What is it you need to do or decide? What do you know about this issue?
2. Gather more information. What do you know from other experiences that would help? What do you need to
know more about before making the decision?
3. List the alternatives.
What are all the possible choices? Are there others you've forgotten?
4. Examine the consequences. What will be the results, good and bad, of each alternative? What are the
consequences, in the short and long run of each? How do you feel about each choice today? How do you think you will
feel next week? Next year?
5. Consider feelings and values. How do you feel about each alternative? Each consequence? How does each fit
with your values, your family's values and community expectations?
6. Choose the best possible course of action
• Make decisions together. Go through the steps with your teenager. Remember that those who contribute to a
decision are much more likely to stick to it.
• Create opportunities for your teens to make decisions on their own. When a good decision is made-especially when
it is the teenagers'-it is important to praise the child and let him or her know you're proud.

Source: Helping Youth Say No, National Assn. of State Boards of Education, Parent Education Project, 701
North Fairfax Street, Suite 340, Alexandria VA 22314. .
Copyright National School Public Relations Association

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 Preparing Students for the 21st Century

FCAT Passing Scores for High School Graduation:

MATHEMATICS: 300 READING: 300

All 10th-grade students tested after February 1, 2002, will have to earn scores of 300 for both reading and mathematics.
Students will have multiple opportunities to take the test to earn a passing score prior to graduation in the 12th grade.

Who received Certificates of Achievement?

Certificates of Achievement apply only to student scores on the Sunshine State Standards portion of the FCAT.
Recognition for outstanding performance is given to:
• 4th-grade students who score a 5. or above in writing
• 8th- and 10th-grade students who score a 5.5 or above in writing
• students who score at Achievement Level 5 on FCAT reading and mathematics

Purposes
The primary purposes of the statewide assessment program are to provide information needed to improve the public
schools by maximizing the learning gains of all students and to inform parents of the educational progress of their public
school children. The program is designed to:
• assess the annual learning gains of each student toward achieving the Sunshine State Standards appropriate for
the student's grade level
• provide data for making decisions regarding school accountability and recognition
• identify the educational strengths and needs of students and the readiness of students to be promoted to the next
grade level or to graduate from high school with a standard high school diploma
• assess how well educational goals and performance standards are met at the school, district, and state levels
• provide information to aid in the evaluation and development of educational programs and policies
• provide information on the performance of Florida students compared with others across the United States.
Checklist for Parents
• Take an interest in learning and let your child know it.
• Be an active school volunteer.
• Talk with your child's teacher.
• Serve on the School Advisory Committee.
• Set high standards of achievement in all you do.
• Let your child know you have high expectations.
• Make sure your child is well prepared for school each day.
• Encourage your child to have good study habits.
• Display a positive attitude.
• Emphasize learning during family time.
• Be a lifelong learner yourself.
Increased Support for Parental Involvement
The 1996 Legislature established parental involvement as the eighth state educational goal, adding to the seven goals
enumerated under Florida's 1991 School Improvement and Accountability Act. Communities, school boards, and schools
are encouraged to provide opportunities for parents to become active partners in the public school system and their
child's education. The State Board of Education adopted standards of progress toward the goal of parental involvement
on January 1, 1997.
For additional information, please call the Florida Department of Education at 850-487-1785.
FLORIDA DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION www.myfloridaeducation.com
342-9O102-2OK-BL-4

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 Early High School Years--Your Goal is Just Around the Corner

What Parents Can Do

• Planning for a higher education is a family affair. The more discussion and planning which occurs between
parents and their future graduates, the better the chances of being academically, socially, and financially
prepared for the challenges ahead.

• Help your student choose the right courses. Encourage your student to select high school courses that
will prepare him or her for college and the world of work.

• Investigate college options with your child. Accompany your child on visits to schools and help
evaluate the pros and cons of each one. Help him or her assess whether the environment will be a
good one in which to learn.

• Assess your savings in relation to your financial goal. Is it enough? What can you do to increase the fund?

• Adjust your budget and your lifestyle. Some families wait until their child enters college to streamline
their expenditures. But by then it is often too late. Now is a good time to take a hard look at where
your income goes.

• Learn about college financing options. If you think you'll need help with costs, it's time to learn about
what types of assistance is available.

It's important to remember these three very important facts:

1) for most families, some or all financial aid comes in the form of a low-interest loan.
2) most financial aid is dependent upon the student having what the U.S. Congress determines as "financial need."
3) even if you qualify for assistance, it may not cover all costs.

• Learn about how the financial aid process works. Don't let the paperwork get the best of you. Parents
can be cool too! Knowing how it all works can take away the mystery and give you the best chance
for receiving all the aid to which your student is entitled.

Here are the basic premises upon which the whole process is based: Each year students and their parents
can file the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) with the federal processor. Based on income,
number of family members, etc., the result is an indication of the amount that the parents are expected to
contribute toward educational costs. Financial aid officers compare this Estimated Family Contribution (EFC)
figure with the cost of education at the school. If the contribution doesn't cover the cost, the student is
determined to have financial need. The school’s financial aid office then attempts to offer enough assistance to
make up the difference. That's all there is to it!

Help is, available for completing the forms from the financial aid office of the school you're applying to, as
well as local high school workshops. Many publications and websites are available to help educate parents
and students about financial assistance. Information may be obtained by accessing the U.S. Department of
Education website at: www.ed.gov/finaid
Know how to give and get help for your child. Keep "school" as a positive goal in the mind of your future
graduate.

What Students Can Do

• As you prepare to enter high school, consider how important the next four years will be in preparing
for the rest of your life. No matter which path you choose, you will need to know how to read, write,
think critically, work with others and solve mathematical problems.

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 • Plan what courses to take and study hard. The best single predictor of success on admissions tests
required for college is the number of difficult courses high school students complete in English and
mathematics.
• Try to maintain a 3.0 GPA or higher to qualify for admission to colleges and to earn scholarship
monies.
• Getting good grades improves your chances of scholarships and being accepted to the school of your
choice. Practice taking the SAT/ACT.
• Read, read, read--it's the best way to improve your vocabulary!
• Save money from part-time work. Try to save as much as you can from your earnings to put toward
your school expenses. Invest it to earn additional funds.
• Talk to admissions officers and financial aid staff at colleges under consideration.
• Visit colleges and talk to enrolled students. Arrange for a visit to the school, including an
appointment with an admissions advisor and a financial aid advisor and then take a tour of the school.
Often the tours are led by enrolled students, and they are excellent sources of information.
• Use books and the computer to do research.
• Apply for scholarships. If you have good grades, apply for a variety of scholarships. Your guidance
counselor can assist you, or the financial aid officers at the schools you are considering can advise
you on the programs available at those particular schools. There are several scholarship search tools
on the Internet that can save you an enormous amount of research. Here are two to check out:
www.srnexpress.com , www.fastweb.com
• Discuss financial needs with your parents based on your college choice. Once you have narrowed
your choice of schools, you can more accurately determine how much it will cost.
• This is a good time to become more familiar with the financial aid application process. Visit web sites
such as www.finaid.org or www.collegeboard.org to review the application process, complete need
and loan calculators, as well as money management and borrowing advice. There are numerous
resources, become educated!

Senior Year - Let's Get Serious!

Serious financial preparation for college needs to begin early in the senior year of high school. The following
suggestions should help you stay on target with the financial plan you have established.
/

What Parents Can Do

• Attend a financial aid workshop. Many high schools and most community colleges and universities hold college
fairs in the fall term. File your taxes early so your child can file for financial aid.
• Help your child choose a school. Factors to consider are reputation, size, location, facilities, social and cultural
environment, and cost.
• Help your child apply for financial aid.
• Check your credit report and repair any flaws.

What Students Can Do

• Apply for admission.
• Work part-time and save as much as possible.
• Apply for financial aid and scholarships early. Work closely with school counselors and utilize the free
scholarship search services that are available on the Internet to locate and apply, for scholarships.
• Put together a financial plan by estimating your potential sources of income from savings, parents'
contributions, and financial aid.
• Surf the web and become more knowledgeable about financial aid. You can calculate estimated Expected.
• Family Contribution (EFC) by accessing www.finaid.org/calculations. Additional information can be found at
the National Association for Student Financial Aid', Administrators (NASFAA) website at www.nasfaa.org and
going to the "Parents & Students" link.

www.fasfaa.org

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