"The All New Planet's Funniest Animals" - Show #601 - 1/2

“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg.
ACT 1
(1)
COLD OPENING
(VTPB-SOT)
VTPB: COLD OPENING CLIP
A. 29712 – MAN RIDING HORSE GALLOPS INTO CAMERAMAN
ANNOUNCER VO
Tonight’s lost episode of “Fabrizio, Apprentice
Jockey” will not be seen so we can bring you
this special entertainment program.
INTRO: OPENING MONTAGE

“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 2
(2)
OPENING MONTAGE
(Announcer V.O.)
VTPB: OPENING MONTAGE
GRFX: LOGO
MUSIC: UNDER
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Welcome to The All New Planet's Funniest
Animals…
starring the funniest animals on the planet.
So pull up a seat and get ready to meet…
America’s Most Wanted Animals Caught on
Tape…
Our Optimist/Pessimist Quiz… Is the dog half
in…or half out?
The premiere of the hottest new show in the
Animal Kingdom, Desperate Housepets…
Animals in the News with an unsuspecting
correspondent under attack…
And a young woman who speaks duckish.

Searching the planet… From Aardvarks to
Zebras and everything in between. It’s the
zaniest zoo on television, “The All New Planet’s
Funniest Animals”
and now, the host of our show…
Keegan-Michael Key.
INTO: INTRO THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD

(3)
INTRO THAT’S USING YOUR
HEAD
(Keegan-Michael Key)
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Welcome to the only show in Hollywood where
the stars are not currently on trial.
(BEAT)
Not only do people watch our show for the
funny animal clips, but they also tune in to
catch the latest fashion trends. Once again it’s
okay to wear fur… as long as it’s on your
head… oh yeah, and still alive.
INTO: (VTPB) - THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD

(4)
THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD
(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD
A. 30146 - CAT DOES TAI CHI W/WOMAN WHILE SITTING ON HER HEAD
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
In addition to impressing the Tai Chi class with
her extreme balance, she’ll also be the envy of
them all with this Yin-Yang kitty headpiece.
This Eastern philosophical kitty even helps
correct her form. Now let go, use the force.
Excellent.
B. 29683 - DOG SWIMS TO WOMAN IN SEA – CLIMBS ON HER HEAD - SHE

WALKS OUT OF WATER
Wearing a hat into the water is always a good
way to shield sensitive scalps from the sun’s
powerful rays. For extra protection…
(DOG CLIMBS ON) let your dog help you out.

This dog has an SPF rating of 40.
C. 28391 - WOMAN PLAYING PIANO W/BLACK & WHITE CAT SITTING ON HER
HEAD
Here’s a woman with a hat that matches her
piano keys, but just because she has a cat on
her head, doesn’t make her Cat Stevens.
(MORE)
(4) CONT’D
VTPB: THAT’S USING YOUR
HEAD
(CONT’D)
D. 24989 – YOUNG PET SQUIRREL CLIMBS ALL OVER MAN & WOMAN IN
KITCHEN
The squirrel toupee is great, it fools everybody,
it matches your natural hair color and drives the
chicks crazy. The only problem… keeping it on
your head.
E. 29698 - GOAT ON MANS BACK NIBBLES ON HIS BASEBALL CAP
Hey look at that old goat. (BEAT)
He appears to have some kind of animal on his
head.
INTO: INTRO DESPERATE HOUSE PETS

(5)
INTRO DESPERATE HOUSE
PETS
(VTPB)
VTPB (SOT): DESPERATE HOUSE PETS

A. 20040 – BLACK DOG CHASING SPRINKLERS
B. 27864 – FAT ENGLISH BULLDOG SITTING UP IN GRASS, ROCKS BACK &
FORTH TO SCRATCH HER BUTT AS SHE STICKS HER TONGUE OUT
C. 27857 – BLACK & WHITE DOG AGGRESIVELY DOG ATTACKS SPRINKLERS

D. 31166 – DOG DRIVING TRACTOR AROUND FARM W/3 KIDS IN TOW
E. 21893 – DOG TURNS, SPINS IN CIRCLES AS THE CAR LEAVES
F. 25523 – DOG SWIMMING IN POOL – DOG IN KIDDIE POOL TRYING TO SWIM
WHILE STANDING
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Ah suburbia. Well-manicured lawns, chain link
fences and backyard pools. But might they all
just be masking the lives of “Desperate House
Pets.”
GRAPHIC: “DESPERATE HOUSE PETS”
INTO: (VTPB) – DESPERATE HOUSE PETS

(6)
DESPERATE HOUSE PETS
(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): DESPERATE HOUSE PETS
A. EXTERIOR SHOT OF PEACEFUL SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD

B. 30054 - PERSISTENT SEAGULL WHO VISITS DAILY FOR FOOD, BANGS ON
GLASS DOOR IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FEEDING SCHEDULE
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Things started to heat up on Wisteria Lane

when Tiffany decided to pay an unexpected
visit to her boyfriend, Phil.
C. 27942 - MAN & YELLOW LAB DOG LAY ON BACKS, BESIDE EACH OTHER ON
BED
ANNOUNCER V.O.
As it turns out, Phil was making a new friend of
his own.
D. 30054 - PERSISTENT SEAGULL WHO VISITS DAILY FOR FOOD, BANGS ON

GLASS DOOR IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FEEDING SCHEDULE
E. 27942 - MAN & YELLOW LAB DOG LAY ON BACKS, BESIDE EACH OTHER ON
BED (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
If Tiffany finds out what’s going on in the
bedroom,
F. 30054 - PERSISTENT SEAGULL WHO VISITS DAILY FOR FOOD, BANGS ON

GLASS DOOR IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FEEDING SCHEDULE (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
it’s going to get ugly.
(MORE)
(6) CONT’D
VTPB: DESPERATE HOUSE
PETS
(CONT’D)
G. 27942 - MAN & YELLOW LAB DOG LAY ON BACKS, BESIDE EACH OTHER ON
BED (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
In the meantime…
H. 25960 - FERRET WRESTLING WITH DOG

ANNOUNCER V.O.
…Klaus was putting the moves on that little
weasel down the street.
That is until the little weasel’s husband got
home.
I. 21888 – TABBY KITTEN SLEEPING, NURSING
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Meanwhile, Maria was asleep and having that
same recurring nightmare…
J. 29658 – GARFIELD, THE CUTE ORANGE TABBY SUCKLES ON LITTLE GIRL’S

CHIN
ANNOUNCER V.O.
…you know, the one where she’s eating a
child’s face.
(MORE)
(6) CONT’D
PETS
(CONT’D)
K. 20120 – GARFIELD THE CAT EATING ROSE SITTING IN A VASE
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Awakening from her dream, Maria decided to
find out if Brad had feelings for her. He loves
me… he loves me not. He loves me… he
loves me not. (BEAT)
He loves her not because Brad…
L. 30082 - DOG AND VACUUM CLEANER
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Found something else to suck face with.
Tune in next time and find out if…
M. 30054 - PERSISTENT SEAGULL WHO VISITS DAILY FOR FOOD, BANGS ON

GLASS DOOR IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FEEDING SCHEDULE (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Tiffany discovers Phil’s romp in the sheets.
N. 20251 - FERRET WRESTLING WITH DOG (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Will Klaus ever win over that little weasel?

(MORE)
(6) CONT’D
PETS
(CONT’D)
O. 30082 - DOG AND VACUUM CLEANER (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Will Brad ever learn there’s more to a
relationship than just physical attraction?
P. 29658 – GARFIELD, THE CUTE ORANGE TABBY SUCKLES ON LITTLE GIRL’S

CHIN (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
And can Maria stop that nightmare? All this
and more…
On the next “Desperate House Pets.”
INTO: INTRO QUICK HIT #1

(7)
INTRO QUICK HIT #1
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Right now we’re going to the gold medal round
of the Couples Competition live from the
Equestrian Center.
INTO: (VTPB) – QUICK HIT #1

(8)
QUICK HIT #1
(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): QUICK HIT #1
A. 30689 – HORSE ACROBATIC: MAN FALLS ON FACE
Here the Uzbekistan team of Nadia Chipinski
and Uri Nepsenoff are wrapping up the

freestyle competition. So far their routine has
been flawless.
It’s their competition to lose as Nadia prepares
for her dismount.
Oh, that’s gonna cost them some points.
It all now rests in the hands of Uri.
He’s in position… Do you believe in miracles?
Somewhere horses whinny, and somewhere
children shout, but there is no joy in
Uzbekistan… Mighty Uri’s been knocked out.
By the way, Uzbekistan is worth over 6
thousand points in Scrabble.
INTO: INTRO ANIMAL HELPERS

(9)
INTRO ANIMAL HELPERS
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Not only are dogs man’s best friend, but they’re
often man’s best employee. You’ve got your
police dogs, seeing eye dogs, medical assist
dogs, guard dogs. But not all dogs get the
good gigs.
INTO: (VTPB) – ANIMAL HELPERS

(10)
ANIMAL HELPERS
(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): ANIMAL HELPERS
A. 22418 - DOG LICKS SLIDING DOORS – THEN SMILES
Here’s a dog that washes windows. This isn’t a
fulltime thing. He’s just working his way
through obedience school. Hey, you missed a
spot. A lot of people don’t know this, but dog
saliva doesn’t streak.
B. 29913 – A BABY REGURGITATES & A DOG LICKS THE BABY CLEAN
Dog’s don’t just do windows. They’ll lick your
dishes clean, they’ll lick your floors clean,
and…they’ll even lick your baby clean. The
good news – baby drool is on the Atkins Diet.
C. 27889 – WELL TRAINED BLACK LAB FETCHES: BEER FROM FRIDGE,

PRETZELS FROM PANTRY, NEWSPAPER, PHONE, REMOTE, TISSUE BOX,
SLIPPERS FROM UPSTAIRS, PUTS EMPTY BEER BOTTLE IN TRASH
So, if babies aren’t your dog’s thing, maybe
landing a job as a personal assistant is right for
him.
This dog is so proficient around the house, this
guy hasn’t even noticed his wife left him three
months ago… and took the kids.

(MORE)
(10) CONT’D
VTPB: ANIMAL HELPERS
(CONT’D)
D. 25483 – GOAT (DOG) GETS OWNER TISSUE & TOSSES IT AWAY
Let’s face it: this job blows!
E. 30066 - DOG TAKES ICE OUT OF THE WAY
This entrepreneurial pooch owns his own mini
mart. Here he is outside gathering ice for the
Slushie Machine. Between you and me, don’t
order the yellow flavor.
F. 20208 - DOG WALKS ON HIND LEGS IN POOL HALL/MEETS ELVIS
Some dogs make honest livings…while others
are just hustlers. Here, Fast Eddie racks his
own balls while waiting for an easy mark. He
usually goes two bucks a ball. Ya’ know, just to
make it interesting. The only question is,
where does he keep his quarters?
G. 30075 - DOG SWEEPS THE GRASS
Event though this dog can’t tell the difference
between a broom and a rake, his uncle got him
a job as a groundskeeper. Proving once
again… It’s not what you know, it’s who you
know.
INTO: TOSS TO COMMERCIAL #1

(11)
TOSS TO COM’L #1
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
All our pets are housebroken and trained…but
the director’s a little worried that I’m not. So
give me a minute and we’ll be right back.
INTO: TEASE—SHOW BUMPER #1

(12)
TEASE—SHOW BUMPER #1
(VTPB [SOT])
(Announcer V.O.)
GRFX: LOGO
VTPB: LOGO
MUSIC
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Coming up,
A chicken who likes to goose-step to his own
beat…
A dog that's sort of in between things…
And a morning run that gets to be a real drag…
When we return to The All New Planet's
Funniest Animals.
INTO: COMMERCIAL #1
(13)
COMMERCIAL #1
BLACK SLUG
COMMERCIAL #1
INTO: REJOIN/TITLE BUMPER

ACT 2
(14)
REJOIN/TITLE BUMPER
GRFX:
MUSIC
INTO: INTRO STUCK

(15)
INTRO STUCK
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
I hate being stuck… so far today I was stuck in
traffic… stuck in the elevator… and stuck with a
two hundred dollar dinner bill. And it was at a
99 cent buffet. (beat) Anyway, here are some
animals that are stuck in situations… not nearly
as bad as mine.
INTO: (VTPB) – STUCK

(16)
STUCK
(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): STUCK
A. 29773 – A DOG GETS STUCK IN CAT FLAP
Here’s the world’s smallest doggie door and the
world’s second smallest doggie. (BEAT) Every
time this little guy wants a drink of water he has
to re-experience puppy birth.
B. 27894 - RACCOON CAN’T SQUEEZE BETWEEN WOOD STAIR BANISTER IN

HOUSE BECAUSE OF ITS FATT BUTT
Before the holidays Rocco was able to make it
all the way through with ease. Uh – oh. (CAM
PANS AROUND BACK) All the vertical stripes
in the world can’t make that butt any smaller.
C. 28461 – A WOMAN IS RUNNING NEXT TO ICELAND PONY. SHE TRIPS &

FALLS & IS DRAGGED AFTER THE HORSE
Look at the bond between these two.
Wild horses couldn’t drag them apart.
What did I tell ya?

(MORE)
(16) CONT’D
VTPB: STUCK
(CONT’D)
D. 30136 – CAT INSIDE A BOTTLE
Ever see one of those teeny, tiny ships in a bottle?
Well, this cat just saw a teeny, tiny ship in
there, and the teeny, tiny people on the ship
were fishing, and they caught a teeny, tiny fish
and the cat wants it. Simple as that.
E. 29596 – GOLDEN LAB ESCAPES FROM KITCHEN OVER THE BABY GATE &
GETS STUCK AS HE TRIES TO GET OVER IT
Remember to bring your pet in to be spade or
neutered… or you could just buy a baby gate.
F. 29481 - YOUNG POLAR BEAR DIVES INTO HOLE OF ICE & GETS STUCK
WITH BUTT IN THE AIR
This polar bear will do anything to get a laugh.

Even if it means being the butt of the jokes.
Unfortunately mom doesn’t want him to go into
show business and hates when he shows his
bare behind.
INTO: INTRO ANI-MAIL (PART 1)

(17)
INTRO ANI-MAIL (PART 1-A)
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Well, it’s time once again to check our mailbag.
INTO: (VTPB) – ANI-MAIL (PART 1)

(18)
ANI-MAIL (PART 1-B)
(VTPB [SOT])
GRFX: ANI-MAIL!
VTPB: ANIMALS PLAYING W/COMPUTERS-KEYBOARDS, MONITORS, ETC.
MUSIC: ANI-MAIL THEME SONG

INTO: INTRO ANI-MAIL (PART 2)

(19)
INTRO ANI-MAIL (PART 2-A)_
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Here’s a letter that reads…
“Dear Keegan,
My grandfather recently had knee replacement
surgery. The operation was a tremendous
success and although he’d been cooped up for

quite a while, he’s now scratching around the
backyard like a man half his age. My question
is this, can you tell me where the doctors get
the knees they use for this procedure?” Just
curious,
Ryan Collins –
Cracked Knuckle, Alabama.
Wow, Ryan, I’m glad to hear everything went
well with gramps.
INTO: (VTPB) – ANI-MAIL (PART 2)

(20)
ANI-MAIL (PART 2-B)
(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): ANI-MAIL (PART 2)
A. 17173 – FLAMINGO DANCES
KEEGAN-MICHAEL VO
Originally knees were donated from pink
flamingos, but as it turned out, their knees bent
the wrong way.
B. 27944 – A HEN WITH A FUN WALK
KEEGAN-MICHAEL VO
These days, knees are donated from generous
chickens all across the United States who as it
turns out, seems to get around just fine without
them.
INTO: INTRO CAUGHT ON TAPE

(21)
INTRO CAUGHT ON TAPE
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
I’m KEEGAN-MICHAEL KEY and welcome to
“America’s Most Wanted Animals,” so far,
thanks to your phone calls, we have captured
three fugitive house pets and countless others
doing unthinkable acts.
We never really know what our pets do in the
house when we are gone. They might sleep all
day, watch TV or maybe even have wild parties
with the other pets from the neighborhood. It
makes you wonder. Leonard and Michelle
Thompson of Labuddah, Tennessee wondered
why their goldfish kept disappearing. The local
authorities rounded up the usual suspects, but
even under brutal interrogation, no one would
confess. So we set up our spy cam to catch
the culprit in the act.
The Thompson’s were shocked to discover the
culprit was Mister Jingles, their 7 year old
housecat.
INTO: (VTPB) – CAUGHT ON TAPE

(22)
CAUGHT ON TAPE
(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): CAUGHT ON TAPE
A. 29621 – BASIL, THE CAT LOVES TO FLUSH TOILET & WATCH THE WATER
SWIRL. BASIL LIKES A CLEAN BOWL BEFORE HE LICKS IT. HE DOES THIS
REPEATEDLY.
This video clearly shows Jingles trying to
dispose of the goldfish by using the guest
bathroom.
Thanks to their evidence local law enforcement
could move in and now Mister Jingles is
flushing in a four by seven cell.
Mr. Jingles scam is down the drain.
GRFX: CAUGHT ON TAPE
INTO: TOSS TO COMMERCIAL #2

(23)
TOSS TO COM’L #2
(KEEGAN-MICHAEL KEY)
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
If jellyfish are made up of 95% water, I’m
guessing the other 5% is boysenberry jam.
We’ll be right back.

(24)
(VTPB [SOT])
(Announcer V.O.)
GRFX: LOGO
VTPB: LOGO
MUSIC
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Coming up,
A news reporter, under attack, loses her
composure…
And a young woman who talks to the animals…
Funniest Animals.
INTO: COMMERCIAL #2
(25)
COMMERCIAL #2
BLACK SLUG
COMMERCIAL #2

ACT 3
(26)
REJOIN/TITLE BUMPER
GRFX:
MUSIC
INTO: INTRO PHOTOS - ANIMALS IN THE NEWS

ACT 4
(27)
INTRO PHOTOS - ANIMALS
IN THE NEWS
ANNOUNCER VO (FAUX JAMES EARL JONES)
It’s time once again Animals in the News
report. (BEAT)
With anchorman, KEEGAN-MICHAEL KEY.
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Welcome, and here now the news…
INTO: (VTPB) PHOTOS - ANIMALS IN THE NEWS

(28)
PHOTOS - ANIMALS IN THE
NEWS
A. 30321 – SINGING LEOPARDS
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
With the success of “American Idol,” a major
TV network has decided to produce an animal
version of the show. Here, a sexy singing
group calling themselves “The Real Cheetah
Girls” warm up before the audition. Producers
expect the show to go through the roof due to
the singing talent, the beauty of the animals
and the fact that a contestant may very well
maul and eat Simon Cowell.
B. 30240 - RAM GETTING SOME SHADE AND A TAN
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Ovine Optics, a Sylmar, California company

that, oddly enough, only designs eyewear for
Big Horn Sheep, unveiled its latest line of
sunglasses this week. Whether you are head
butting in the Rocky Mountains or just kicking
back and checking out the ewes these Sheep
Shades will guarantee you are the coolest ram
of the herd.
(MORE)
(28) CONT’D
NEWS
(CONT’D)
C. 30323– RAK MARAM A THAI ELEPHANT TRAINER, DEMONSTRATES CLOSE

RELATIONSHIP WITH ELEPHANT BY PLACING HEAD IN ELEPHANTS MOUTH
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Emily Aaron, the forgetful zookeeper of the
Serengeti Animal Refuge, still can’t find her
keys despite, as is evident here, having looked
literally everywhere for them. Anyone finding
Miss Aaron’s keys are urged to turn them into
the lost and found.
D. 30238 - BUDDY ON HIS FROG BIKE
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Sturgis, South Dakota, long known as the
motorcycle capital of the world, welcomed a
group of amphibian enthusiasts for its Frog on
Hogs parade. Buddy, seen here on a vintage
police XL 883 Sportster, said he has dreamed
of this day ever since he was a tadpole.
(MORE)
(28) CONT’D
NEWS
(CONT’D)
E. 30326 - CHIPMUNK W/ TRUMPET, “REVEILLE”
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Camp Minniehonkatonka on beautiful Lake
Minniehonkatonka in, of all places,

Minniehonkatonka, New York, made history
this week by becoming the first sleep-away
camp run entirely by chipmunks. From the
moment the young campers are awakened by
this counselor’s soulful rendition of reveille they
spend their days authentically scampering,
climbing and foraging like pros. As the
Minniehonkatonka brochure exclaims, “To go to
any other camp would be nuts!”
INTO: INTRO FIELD REPORTER – ANIMALS IN THE NEWS

(29)
INTRO FIELD REPORTER –
ANIMALS IN THE NEWS
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Interactive bird aviaries – where patrons get in,
touch and feed the birds – are all the rage in
zoos around the globe. Nesting with a group of
lories is our own crackerjack reporter Carol
Smillie. Let’s go there now.
INTO: (VTPB) – FIELD REPORTER – ANIMALS IN THE NEWS

(30)
FIELD REPORTER –
ANIMALS IN THE NEWS
(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): FIELD REPORTER – ANIMALS IN THE NEWS
A. 24266 – NEWSCASTER HAS TROUBLE W/BIRDS IN HER HAIR – AFRAID OF

BIRDS
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (ON CAMERA/SPLIT)
Calm down Carol.
Come on Carol, focus.
Can you relax just a little. You’re acting as if the
birds are carrying thousands of parasites and
diseases or something.
I’ve seen embedded reporters in battle with
more composure.
INTO: WRAP FIELD/INTRO FEATURE STORY – ANIMALS IN THE NEWS

(31)
WRAP FIELD/ INTRO
FEATURE STORY –
ANIMALS IN THE NEWS
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Well, I guess we sent the wrong reporter to
cover that story. (BEAT)
And now for our feature of the day.
A young woman in Little Walthampton-Shire
England is claiming to be the long lost daughter
of Dr. John Doolittle.
INTO: (VTPB) – FEATURE STORY – ANIMALS IN THE NEWS

(32)
FEATURE STORY –
ANIMALS IN THE NEWS
(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): FEATURE STORY – ANIMALS IN THE NEWS
A. 30222 – TALKING W/GEESE – EVERYBODY KNOWS THE ‘HORSE

WHISPERER.’ A HEART-WARMING PLOT… TO FIND OUT THE SECRET OF
HENNISH, GOOSEISH & DUCKISH
While waiting for DNA results that will prove her
heritage Delores Doolittle is doing exactly what
her daddy did… She is talking to animals.
And she joins us live, via satellite, from her
home in England.
Hello Delores. You know some people claim
that in addition to looking really stupid talking to
animals doesn’t work. How do you respond to
them?
GIRL RESPONDS….
So how many bird languages are there?
GIRL SAYING “FOR GOOSE YOU’VE GOT GOOSISH; FOR CHICKEN YOU’E GOT
HENNISH; FOR DUCKS YOU HAVE DUCKISH.”
That’s funny…you don’t look duckish. Earlier
our cameras followed you around as you spoke
to some birds. Let’s take a look.
CLIPS OF HER SAYING: “HE’S SAYING THREAT BUT SHE’S SAYING

EVERYTHING IS OK.” CONTINUES- GIRL SAYING “AND HE’S REPLYING.”
CONTINUES- GIRL SAYING: “AND SHE’S SAYING SHUT-UP.”
(MORE)
(32) CONT’D
FEATURE STORY - ANIMALS
IN THE NEWS
(CONT’D)
Well, I’m ready to learn, Delores. How would I
be able to tell a bird I was hungry and how
would they know I meant I wanted food and not
that I already had food?
GIRL EXPLAINING HOW TO SAY “I’M HUNGRY” & “I’VE GOT FOOD” IN BIRD
TALK
Wait, I want to make sure I’ve got it. One more
time.
REPEAT THE SECOND HALF OF CLIP - “I’VE GOT FOOD” NOISE.
Delores, you may be the only person who can
answer this age old question. Ready…What
came first, the chicken or the egg?
GIRL CLAIMING SHE WILL HAVE AN ENTIRE CONVERSATION W/ A CHICKEN.
INTO: FEATURE WRAP/TOSS TO COMMERCIAL #3

(33)
FEATURE WRAP/ TOSS TO
COM’L #3
(KEEGAN-MICHAEL KEY)
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Thank you, Senator.
Delores Doolittle, you get my vote anytime.
And that’s the animal news… straight from the
horse’s mouth.

(34)
(VTPB [SOT])
(Announcer V.O.)
GRFX: LOGO
VTPB: LOGO
MUSIC
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Coming up...
A horn tootin’ kid with a dog that hates music…
Funniest Animals.
INTO: COMMERCIAL #3
(35)
COMMERCIAL #3
BLACK SLUG
COMMERCIAL #3

ACT 4
(36)
REJOIN/TITLE BUMPER
GRFX:
MUSIC
INTO: INTRO SOLO CLIP

(37)
INTRO SOLO CLIP
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Music historians always bring up the fact that
Mozart composed his first symphony at the age
of four. While that is pretty impressive, I would
argue that it probably wasn’t his best work.

When was the last time you heard an orchestra
play “Mozart’s: Ode To Diaper Rash in C
Major?” But every prodigy has to start
somewhere. Like this little guy.
INTO: (VTPB) – SOLO CLIP

(38)
SOLO CLIP
(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): SOLO CLIP
A. 30047 - LITTLE CHILD IS PLAYING ON A TOY TRUMPET. THE DOG SITTING

NEXT TO THE CHILD HOWLS
OK, Dawg, let’s do a blues riff in B. Watch me
for the changes and try to keep up.
I’m feelin’ ya. A little pitchy in spots. But I’m
definitely feelin’ you.
Let’s try it again.
Sooner or later all bands part over creative
differences.
INTO: TAPE SOLICITATION

(39)
TAPE SOLICITATION
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
How would you like a million dollars and a new
wardrobe? It is easy. Just send us a funny
video of your pet doing something hilarious and
if we use it, we’ll get you started on your way to

wealth and fashion by sending you a hundred
dollars and a “Planet’s Funniest Animals” t-
shirt. Just take the hundred bucks to Vegas,
wearing our t-shirt for luck, and bet on
something with 10,000 to one odds. If you win:
you’ve got a million bucks. If you lose: at least
they didn’t get the t-shirt off your back. Send
your funny stuff to:
INTO: SOLICITATION ADDRESS

(40)
SOLICITATION ADDRESS
(Announcer VO)
GRFX: LOGO/ADDRESS
ANNOUNCER VO
The Planet’s Funniest Animals
P.O. Box 2904
Toluca Lake, CA 91610-0904
Make sure no animals were harmed in the
making of your video and please include your
phone number.
Remember, if we use your tape, we’ll send you
a hundred bucks and a “Planet’s Funniest
Animals” tee shirt.
INTO: GOODBYE
/ CREDITS
(41)
GOODBYE / CREDITS
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Think of the past hour as an animal version of
”The Apprentice” except no one got fired.
Goodbye, everybody.
###

"The All New Planet's Funniest Animals" - Show #601 - 1/2

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"The All New Planet's Funniest Animals" - Show #601 - 1/2

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What is the show about?

What is the show about?

What segments are featured in the show?

What segments are featured in the show?

“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg.

VTPB: COLD OPENING CLIP

A. 29712 – MAN RIDING HORSE GALLOPS INTO CAMERAMAN

Tonight’s lost episode of “Fabrizio, Apprentice

Jockey” will not be seen so we can bring you

this special entertainment program.

INTRO: OPENING MONTAGE

Welcome to The All New Planet's Funniest

starring the funniest animals on the planet.

So pull up a seat and get ready to meet…

America’s Most Wanted Animals Caught on

Our Optimist/Pessimist Quiz… Is the dog half

in…or half out?

The premiere of the hottest new show in the

Animal Kingdom, Desperate Housepets…

Animals in the News with an unsuspecting

correspondent under attack…

And a young woman who speaks duckish.

Zebras and everything in between. It’s the

zaniest zoo on television, “The All New Planet’s

and now, the host of our show…

INTO: INTRO THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD

Welcome to the only show in Hollywood where

the stars are not currently on trial.

Not only do people watch our show for the

funny animal clips, but they also tune in to

catch the latest fashion trends. Once again it’s

okay to wear fur… as long as it’s on your

head… oh yeah, and still alive.

INTO: (VTPB) - THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD

VTPB (SOT): THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD

In addition to impressing the Tai Chi class with

her extreme balance, she’ll also be the envy of

them all with this Yin-Yang kitty headpiece.

This Eastern philosophical kitty even helps

correct her form. Now let go, use the force.

B. 29683 - DOG SWIMS TO WOMAN IN SEA – CLIMBS ON HER HEAD - SHE

Wearing a hat into the water is always a good

way to shield sensitive scalps from the sun’s

powerful rays. For extra protection…

(DOG CLIMBS ON) let your dog help you out.

Here’s a woman with a hat that matches her

piano keys, but just because she has a cat on

her head, doesn’t make her Cat Stevens.

The squirrel toupee is great, it fools everybody,

it matches your natural hair color and drives the

chicks crazy. The only problem… keeping it on

E. 29698 - GOAT ON MANS BACK NIBBLES ON HIS BASEBALL CAP

Hey look at that old goat. (BEAT)

He appears to have some kind of animal on his

INTO: INTRO DESPERATE HOUSE PETS

VTPB (SOT): DESPERATE HOUSE PETS

C. 27857 – BLACK & WHITE DOG AGGRESIVELY DOG ATTACKS SPRINKLERS

Ah suburbia. Well-manicured lawns, chain link

fences and backyard pools. But might they all