The Standard 19.05.2014
The Standard 19.05.2014
The Standard 19.05.2014
THE
Kenyas Bold Newspaper
Monday, May 19, 2014
No. 295811
www.standardmedia.co.ke
KSh60/00 TSh1,500/00 USh2,700/00
Raila teams new war
Uhuru: Wait for
my term to end
CONTINUED ON PAGE 2
CONTINUED ON PAGE 8
By RAWLINGS OTIENO
The Coalition for Reforms and
Democracy stirred the political arena
with a ery attack on President Uhuru
Kenyatta, and a declaration of mass
protests against his regime.
Despite the absence of their
leader, Raila Odinga, the CORD
leaders retreated to Kibera Grounds
where they roundly criticised Uhurus
By GEOFFREY MOSOKU
President Uhuru Kenyatta has taken on opposition
leaders warning them that the State will not accept
statements that may divide the country.
And the Head of State declared he had legitimate
mandate to govern for a ve-year term and those with
Ngilu declares
land registry
open, P4
Uganda varsity
endorses Johos
degree, P7
Kinyua enforces
GK-plate use on
State vehicles, P6
P.4
National news , P.6
Inset: Senators Elizabeth Ongoro (Nominated),
Boni Khalwale (Kakamega), Hassan Omar
(Mombasa), Johnstone Muthama (Machakos),
James Orengo (Siaya) and Dagoretti North MP
Simba Arati at CORDs rally in Kibera yesterday.
[PHOTO: GOVEDI ASUTSA/STANDARD]
President Uhuru
Kenyatta cuts the
ribbon to open a
new ultra-modern
dormitory at Alliance
Girls High School.
Second left is the
principal, Ms Dorothy
Mukiri Kamwilu.
[PHOTO: PSCU]
CORD plans protests against President on corruption, Anglo Leasing, tribalism and county appointments
CORD launches tirade against Uhuru,
threatens to call mass action soon
administration.
They criticised Uhurus adminis-
tration on four fronts; corruption,
unconvincing electoral victory in
the March 4, 2013 election, public ap-
pointments they argued were driven
by ethnic tagging; and Jubilees deter-
mination to sabotage and bring down
Devolution.
The CORD MPs took issue with
Uhurus resolution to pay Sh1.4 billion
to Anglo Leasing rms and delegating
executive powers to ofcials of the
former provincial administration,
now renamed County Commission-
ers. This, they argued, was meant to
undermine the 47 governors.
Siaya Senator James Orengo rallied
Opposition supporters to get ready to
take to the streets against the per-
ceived unpopular decisions and de-
clared the rally at Kiberas Kamukunji
grounds as the beginning of a Grand
March.
Orengo told the cheering support-
ers that CORD was planning a grand
welcome for former Prime Minister
Raila Odinga on May 31, when he re-
turns from a month-long programme
at a university in the United States.
The opposition also threatened to
impeach President Kenyatta over his
directive to Treasury to pay Sh1.4 bil-
lion for two of the Anglo-Leasing con-
tracts. They warned State ofcials that
they would personally be held liable
for the payments.
I am now getting rid of my suits.
We are getting back onto the streets
and we shall ght up to State House,
declared Orengo, an outspoken con-
dant of Raila.
SOVEREIGN BOND
There is a time for everything. The
Bible says there is a time to plant and
a time to uproot We have been
slapped many times. We cant keep
turning the other cheek, said Orange
nominated Senator Elizabeth On-
goro.
The President, in a televised ad-
dress from State House on Saturday,
explained the controversial Sh1.4 bil-
lion payment holds the key to a Sov-
ereign Bond his government intends
to oat to raise hundreds of billions to
fund massive infrastructure projects.
Kakamega Senator Boni Khalwale
wondered why the Jubilee govern-
ment was keen to pay the Anglo Leas-
ing ghosts instead of implementing
a report of the parliamentary Public
Accounts Committee that branded as
a scam the 18 security-related con-
tracts.
In 2006, Uhuru, then the Leader of
Ofcial Opposition, chaired the PAC,
which authored the report that de-
scribed the more than Sh50 billion
contracts as a system hatched by a
few individuals to continually eece
taxpayers.
Khalwale claimed Anglo-Leasing
companies were owned by two Indi-
ans and two Kenyans (which he
named by ethnic orientation), whose
names are in the report which Uhuru
submitted when he was the PAC chair-
man.
We are the representatives of the
people, and if he goes on doing this he
will be the rst President in Kenya to
be impeached, warned Khalwale.
The vocal Senator claimed that
Uhurus administration was hell-bent
on killing Devolution by introducing
the powerful monster of County
Commissioners. Khalwale, who indi-
cated he would work with CORD, said
the Jubilee government had failed to
ght corruption, unemployment,
poverty and inequalities to improve
the lives of majority of Kenyans.
The oppressive governance start-
ed by the Founding Father of the na-
tion Mzee Jomo Kenyatta will also end
with Uhuru Kenyatta, said Khal-
wale.
Senator Hassan Omar of Mombasa
said Kenya had gone full circle, with
the unfairness and discrimination al-
legedly started off under the Found-
ing Father, had popped up under Uh-
uru. He singled out corruption as the
supposed hallmark of both regimes.
The coalition wants Attorney Gen-
eral Githu Muigai, Treasury PS Kamau
Thugge, Solicitor General Njee Muturi
and his Deputy Muthoni Kimani to re-
sign immediately if the government
pays the Sh1.4 billion Anglo-Leasing
By STANDARD REPORTER
Ofcers from the defunct Provin-
cial Administration have formally
been re-designated as national Gov-
ernment administration ofcers.
In a statement, Interior Co-ordina-
tion Principal Secretary Mutea Iringo
said the national function will be
known as the national government
administration ofce, said
Both ofcers and the ofce will
hence be known by the acronym
Ngao, said Iringo. These include the
Regional Co-ordinators who will be
based in Jogoo House, Nairobi, co-or-
dinating a cluster of counties.
Others include 47 county commis-
sioners, deputy commissioners, assis-
tant commissioners, chiefs and assis-
tant chiefs. All the ofcers serving
under the new legal framework have
been formally appointed, he said.
The changes follow the signing of
the Executive Order by President Uh-
uru Kenyatta.
In tandem with this reform, the
ministry has changed the name of
these ofcers and the overall function
at the national level, said Iringo.
The CS said the 47 Ngao county
commissioners will be expected to or-
ganise all other ofcers in the country.
He said the Ngao ofcers are in charge
of the national Government functions
as clearly stipulated in schedule four
of the Constitution.
SECURITY COMMITTEES
That role does not include func-
tions assigned to the county govern-
ments under the same schedule. In
addition Ngao county commissioners
will chair the county security commit-
tees as spelt out in the National Secu-
rity Act, Iringo said.
He said Ngao ofcers should hold
regular meetings with the sister struc-
ture in the devolved government to
exchange of ideas. He said this is in
line with the apex arrangement where
the President meets regularly with the
Council of Governors through the
Summit, he said.
Equally I urge all governors to do
likewise and take advantage of the
streamlined structures under Ngao
for effective co-operation between
the two levels of government, said
Iringo.
He said the ministry will continue
to strengthen Ngao to ensure smooth
operations of the national govern-
ment at the grassroots, improve secu-
rity, ght crime and counter terror-
ism. Other roles are ghting illicit
brews, eliminate poaching, reduce
trafc accidents in their areas and co-
ordinate the speedy issuance of birth
certicates, IDs and passports.
State rebrands
Provincial
Administration
debt. The four high-prole govern-
ment ofcials, CORD said, should re-
sign over their failure to properly ad-
vise the President on the debt.
In particular, the opposition coali-
tion dared National Treasury Cabinet
Secretary Henry Rotich to authorise
the payment and face a censure mo-
tion in Parliament and Senate.
Deputy Minority Leader Jakoyo
Midiwo termed the authorisation to
Treasury by Uhuru as unconstitution-
al. This will be the nal onslaught to
bad governance. Our people cannot
keep on suffering because of a few in-
dividuals at Harambee House. If Rot-
ich pays this Anglo-Leasing money
then, we will jail and humiliate him
because this is peoples money, said
Jakoyo.
Jakoyo tore into Uhurus declara-
tion that Kenya has no option but to
pay, saying that the President does not
have any mandate in law to authorise
the release of money without passing
through the Parliament.
Jakoyo, who is also the Gem MP
and a close ally of Raila, accused the
Jubilee government of entering into
suspicious deals with Safaricom to set
up CCTV cameras in Nairobi, Mom-
basa and Kisumu allegedly at a cost of
Sh14 billion without seeking approval
from the public.
President Uhuru has no power to
spend the tax-payers money on the
cameras. Is buying the cameras at a
cost of Sh15 billion more important
than improving sanitation and the
lives of people living in Kibera, asked
Midiwo.
Midiwo dismissed the Jubilee ad-
ministrations claim it will be in power
BARE KNUCKLES
CORD MPs took issue
with Uhurus resolution
to pay Sh1.4 billion to An-
glo Leasing frms and del-
egating executive powers
to offcials of the former
Provincial Administra-
tion, now renamed Coun-
ty Commissioners
Siaya Senator James
Orengo rallied Opposition
supporters to get ready
to take to the streets
against the perceived
unpopular decisions and
declared the rally at Kib-
eras Kamukunji grounds
as the beginning of a
Grand March
Page 2 / NATIONAL NEWS Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
for the next 20 years, adding that Ke-
nyans were overburdened by the high
cost of living and inadequate securi-
ty.
Orengo said the constitution gives
power to the people and not the pres-
idency or any other person. The pow-
er is with the people. Institutions have
wronged us; the judicial process keeps
on changing depending on who takes
the case. Let nobody be intimidated
because people can force change,
declared Orengo.
PARALLEL POSITION
Machakos Senator Johnstone
Muthama said that every time they
question the ills and wrong of the gov-
ernment, they are told that Kenya is
bigger than any of them. He then told
President Uhuru and his Deputy Wil-
liam Ruto that they were not indis-
pensable.
Kenyans are bigger than any in-
stitution because power comes from
the people of Kenya. If they have failed
to better the lives of Kenyans, then
they should pack up and ago, said
Muthama.
Omar accused the Jubilee govern-
ment of creating a parallel position for
County commissioners and giving
them executive powers. He said that
the mandate of the national govern-
ment is to send resources to the coun-
ties to spur economic growth and de-
velopment and not trivial issues.
We want resources to go the
counties to improve our peoples lives
and not paying ghosts money that is
meant for the public. This govern-
ment is digital outside and analogue
inside, declared Hassan.
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Kakamega Senator Boni Khalwale (left) dances with his Siaya counterpart James Oren-
go during a CORD rally in Kibera, Nairobi, yesterday. [PHOTO: GOVEDI ASUTSA/STANDARD]
Continued from P1
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard NATIONAL NEWS / Page 3
BY CYRUS OMBATI
The UN ofce in Nairobi has taken
a raft of measures, including the clo-
sure of their petrol station and re-
stricting trafc to the facility, to ensure
safety of staff following terror
threats.
UN Nairobi offce tightens security
Measures taken include
closure of United
Nations petrol station
and restriction of
access to Commissary
All deliveries to the United Nations
Ofce at Nairobi (Unon) complex
should be carried out after working
hours and between 1800 hours and
2200 hours, the UN has said.
The deliveries should be an-
nounced before hand and the regis-
tration number and names of the
driver provided to the Security and
Safety Service in advance. Guided
Tours are also suspended.
Director General of Unon and Des-
ignated Ofcial for Kenya Sahle-Work
Zewde in a letter to staff, said the last
several months have been very chal-
lenging with respect to security in
Kenya in particular crime and terror-
ism.
Unfortunately, Kenya has been a
consistent target of terrorist groups
over the last several months. The lat-
est tragic attacks occurred on May 16
at the Gikomba Market, said Zewde
adding that the UN is not immune
from these cowardly acts and they
remain concerned about the safety of
staff and their families.
The director general said there
would be restricted access to the UN
Recreation Centre and the Commis-
sary, with only staff being allowed in.
STAGGERED HOURS
Visitors will not be allowed, and
access will only be granted to those
with a valid UN identication card,
duly programmed for the pedestrian
turnstiles within the Unon complex,
Zewde said.
She said the UN petrol station
would be closed and asked all staff
and agencies, funds and programmes
with ofcial vehicles to make alterna-
tive fuelling arrangements.
These arrangements include
staggered working hours, telecom-
muting and compressed work week.
This will, inter alia, reduce the con-
gestion along UN Avenue, adds part
of the letter.
Her letter came on the same day
that the US Embassy in Nairobi, too,
requested additional Kenyan and
American security personnel.
The Associated Press said the am-
bassador made the requests in a letter
sent to embassy employees Friday.
Ambassador Robert Godec said
additional police are already patrol-
ling the area around the embassy.
Donkey day
Donkey Welfare Association ofcials examine a donkey during celebrations to
mark the Ninth National Donkey Day on Saturday in Ruai, Nairobi. The fete
recognises the need to care for donkeys and acknowledges their contribution,
especially to the transport sector. [PHOTO: DAVID NJAAGA/STANDARD]
By WILLIS OKETCH
A British government ofcial
has said its latest travel advisory
on parts of Kenya was prompted
by a continuous terror threat on
the Kenyan coast.
Yesterday, John Bradshaw, the
head of communication at the
British High Commission in Nai-
robi, refuted claims that Britain
had ordered its citizens to leave
Kenya.
The British government is
not evacuating its citizens from
Mombasa. We issued the travel
advisory to warn our citizens from
going to Mombasa island follow-
ing continuous terror attacks in
the area, said Bradshaw.
Bradshaw insisted that despite
the travel advisory, British tourists
in Mombasa were free to stay,
adding that there are many British
tourists in the island who decided
not to leave after the travel advi-
sory. It is not the travel advisory
which has created the problem; it
is insecurity that is the problem.
We have the responsibility to ad-
vise our citizens on what to do
when there is danger, he said.
Bradshaw, who spoke to The
Standard on phone, said there are
more than 500 British citizens liv-
ing in Kenyan towns on the Indian
Ocean coast.
Meanwhile, tourism players
are now reading more into the
sudden travel advisories and point
to politics and propaganda as a
direct result of Kenyas diplomatic
engagement with the East.
We have for ages talked about
domestic and regional tourism
diversication including talk on
what model of business is favour-
able for the industry as we seek to
stay aoat, said Sam Ikwaye, the
executive ofcer of the Kenya As-
sociation of Hotelkeepers and
Caterers Coast branch.
Speaking separately, travel and
aviation expert, Wolfgang Thome,
who is based in Uganda said even
though Kenya faces many chal-
lenges, it had the courage to stand
up to terror and went to hunt
down Al-Shabaab in Somalia.
Advisories not
malicious, says
British ofcial
By NGARI GICHUKI
Authorities are yet to establish
the identities of the bodies recovered
from two mass graves in Kitengela
over the weekend.
According to Chief Government
pathologist Johansen Oduor, the
remains had by the time of discovery
decayed extensively that determin-
ing their gender and identities re-
quire DNA testing.
We have established that the
remains found are of adults but we
are yet to establish their gender and
identities, samples have been taken
for analysis so that we can shed
more light on the mystery surround-
ing the bodies, said Dr Oduor.
He added that the nature of the
remains indicated they had been
buried for less than three months
prompting police to conclude that
the killings were recent.
Kajiado County Commissioner
Laban Kobai pegged the killings to a
erce battle between rival land bro-
kers possibly afliated to the divided
outlawed Mungiki sect.
Mr Kobai said the selling of East
African Portland Cements EAPC
land by the rival brokers had gener-
ated so much friction such that
gangs from as far as Eastlands in
Nairobi were ferried to drive out
competition from rivals.
He added that the remains are
suspected to be of some gang mem-
bers killed at different locations and
transported to be buried at the
abandoned quarry due to its isolated
location.
We have reason to believe that
this is a result of the conict arising
from the sale of the EAPC land.
Youths have been transported to the
area from as far as Nairobi and Rift
Valley to ght off rival gangs result-
ing into the killings, said the county
commissioner.
Bodies in secret grave
yet to be identied
We have reason to
believe this is as a result of
the conflict arising from the
sale of the EAPC land by
rival brokers Kajiado County
Commissioner Laban Kobai
Page 4 / NATIONAL NEWS Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
Ngilu promises effciency as
10-day land records audit ends
By ALLY JAMAH
The public can now access land
documents easily and faster after
more than one million les were clas-
sied during a 10-day audit, Lands
Cabinet secretary Charity Ngilu has
said.
Business at the Lands ministry re-
sumes today after a 10-day controver-
sial shutdown of registries ordered by
Ngilu.
Ngilu said 1.3 million les have
been retrieved, recorded and shelved
with the Central Registry having
188,800 les, Nairobi Registry
(134,000) and Records Registry (1.6
million).
Eyes will be xed on how much ef-
ciency has improved at the Lands
headquarters, after millions of previ-
ously inaccessible les were rear-
ranged to improve access to crucial
land information and documents. The
operation is said to have cost Sh67
million.
PREVIOUS MESS
Yesterday, Ngilu said Kenyans
seeking services at Ardhi House
should not expect business as usual
since les can be accessed faster by
land ofcials, and the previous mess
of mixed-up les has been corrected.
Most of the cases of delays and
lost les had arisen out of misman-
agement and poor handling of re-
cords. We have sorted that out and we
expect things to move faster from now
on, she said while making nal in-
spections to the 10-day records clean-
up at Ardhi House.
For the last 10 days, many Kenyans
were in agony over the freeze in land
Lands Cabinet Secretary Charity Ngilu (left), anked by Principal Secretary
Mariamu El Maawy and a ministry ofcial explains how the new ling system
works after a 10-day closure and audit of more than 1.3 million les at Ardhi
House, Nairobi. [PHOTO: WILLIS AWANDU / STANDARD]
Some 1.3 million fles
have been retrieved
in an exercise that
cost Sh67 million as
ministry prepares to go
digital next month
By GEOFFREY MOSOKU
President Uhuru Kenyattas re-
moval of Simon Gicharu from the
helm of the Geothermal Develop-
ment Company (GDC) board was
inevitable, The Standard has
learnt.
Sources at the Ministry of En-
ergy revealed that the ve-month
wrangles between Gicharu and
the Chief Executive Ofcer Silas
Simiyu were distracting the cor-
porations mandate, key among
them being production of steam
that will lead to the countrys at-
tainment of 5000MW of power.
Gicharu swapped positions
with his Rural Electrication Au-
thority (REA) counterpart Faisal
Abass.
Both got a one-year term that
will expire on May 19, 2015. Ener-
gy Cabinet Secretary Davis Chirch-
ir is said to have had a hand in the
removal of Gicharu.
GDC is seeking to produce 810
MW by 2017 and 5000MW in the
next 16 years. Construction of the
Steam Gathering System is ongo-
ing at the Menengai Geothermal
Project. The company, which has
been identied by the East African
Community as a centre of excel-
lence, will set up a training facility
for the region in Nakuru.
Other elds that GDC is work-
ing on include Baringo-Silali
where it is projected that 200MW
will be realised by 2016 and
800MW the following year. Inter-
nal conicts in the management
of GDC, however, were likely to
stall drilling of wells for power
generation and delay billions of
shillings from donors and the
Government, forcing Chirchir to
seek Gicharus removal.
The wrangles were sparked on
March 5 after Gicharu wrote to the
Head of Civil Service Joseph
Kinyua seeking the suspension of
all loans and grants to GDC until
a full audit is conducted. The for-
mer chairman was also criticised
by the ministry for ignoring pro-
tocol in addressing issues.
Gicharus
removal was
inevitable
MINISTRY OUT TO CLEAN
SOILED REPUTATION
Lands Cabinet secretary
Charity Ngilu ordered a 10-
day closure to give way for
an audit
The audit was conducted at
a cost of Sh67 million
Some 1.3 million fles have
been retrieved, recorded and
shelved with Central Registry
having 188,800 fles, Nairobi
Registry (134,000) and Re-
cords Registry (1.6 million)
The process of digitising all
the records will begin next
month
Consultants have been
hired to spearhead the pro-
cess in the next three years
Ngilu says it will not be
business as usual
transactions with deals worth billions
of shillings remaining in limbo due to
the closure.
The Lands ministry has often
made headlines for all the wrong rea-
sons including cases of lost les, dou-
ble allocation of land, alleged fraud
and land grabbing.
In the past, several drives to boost
efciency in the ministry often lost
steam after a few months. Lands Prin-
cipal Secretary Mariam El Maawy said
Kenyans whose les cannot be found
in the Registry should submit the doc-
uments they hold so that new les
can be reconstructed.
We will soon be publishing a full
list of all the les we have in our re-
cords. Those whose les will not be in
that list should approach us with their
genuine documents so that we can re-
construct their records. But the pro-
cess will be rigorous to ensure that
only genuine document holders have
les, she said. She also indicated that
the process of digitising all the re-
cords will begin next month with con-
sultants having being hired to spear-
head the process that is expected to
cost billions of shillings in the next
three years. However, the PS declined
to reveal the two consultancy rms
that have won that tender.
Ngilu said though the closure may
have led to huge losses, the expected
increase in efciency in land dealings
will make up for that.
The registries of Nairobi, Central
and Records as well as the banking
hall had been shut down to locate lost
and misplaced les. Other measures
to boost efciency that have been put
in place include access to crucial
forms through the ministrys website,
planned use of bulk SMS to inform
Kenyans when their records are ready
as well as hotlines to access informa-
tion.
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
Page 5
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Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
By ALLY JAMAH
The Government has ordered that
all Government vehicles bearing pri-
vate number plates be retted with
GK plates to curb misuse.
In a circular to Government insti-
tutions, including State House, Na-
tional Assembly and the Judiciary,
Head of Public Service Joseph Kinyua
ordered the surrender of private num-
ber plates issued for the ofcial vehi-
cles.
Kinyua said there are too many
Government vehicles bearing private
plates, which are being misused to do
non-government work, thereby wast-
ing huge amounts of taxpayers re-
sources.
Kinyua said the order applies to all
Government ministries, parastatals
and county governments except those
used by ofcials of the National Intel-
ligence Service and the Criminal In-
vestigation Department.
The private number plates should
be returned to the Registrar of Motor
Vehicles for safe custody. This instruc-
tion must be complied with fully, he
said.
The Head of Government Vehicle
Unit is under instruction to detain
and report any Government vehicle
having private number plates to
Kinyuas ofce. The deadline expired
last month.
Principal Secretaries are expected
to ensure that the CEOs of parastatals
under their ministries return any pri-
vate registration numbers issued to
State orders action on GK plates
Offcials with
Government vehicles
bearing private
number plates have
been put on notice
By NIKKO TANUI
Kericho County residents have
vowed to defend their impeached
Governor Paul Chepkwony.
The locals have started collecting
signatures to petition the Senate to
reinstate their embattled governor.
Speaking to the Press at a Kericho
hotel, the residents led by Joel Kimutai
Soi said 15,000 residents have since
signed the petition forms in the op-
eration dubbed; Operation Stop Gov-
ernors Impeachment.
He added that they target to mar-
shal over 100,000 residents from
across the county to sign the petition
forms to be presented to the special
Senate committee that would be con-
stituted to investigate the allegations
levelled against Chepkwony by Coun-
ty Assembly.
As voters who elected Chepkwony,
we believe the governor was im-
peached on imsy reasons and that is
why we want the Senate to be fair to
the governor and reinstate him, said
Soi.
He also commended 15 of the 47
Members of the Kericho County As-
sembly (MCAs) who broke ranks with
their colleagues and absconded the
debate and subsequent voting that
saw Chepkwony impeached last week.
The impeachment Motion was tabled
by Albert Kipkoech.
We commend the 15 MCAs for
not defying the advice of Kipsigis
council of elders, church leaders and
other stakeholders to spare our gover-
nor, said Soi.
However, Bureti Watchdog Forums
Chairman Geoffrey Rono supported
Chepkwonys impeachment and
urged the Senate to send him packing
should it prove any of the levelled ac-
cusations against him.
Residents
want governor
reinstated
War against alcoholism
Sere Africa women group national co-ordinator Rev Margaret Kahora receives
an agreement from businessman Francis Mwangi, who offered them a class-
room at the Lake Naivasha College to conduct guidance and counselling to the
youth on alcohol addiction. [PHOTO: BONIFACE OKENDO/STANDARD]
them. They should also report on their
full compliance with this directive,
said Kinyua.
In the circular, Kinyua said it has
become a nightmare to monitor gov-
ernment vehicles bearing private
number plates, adding that there was
no option but to have them retted
with GK plates
SECURITY GROUNDS
Over the years, there have been
numerous requests for issuance of
private number plates mostly on se-
curity grounds. Following closer re-
examination of the security consider-
ation, it has been concluded that the
private numbers do not offer a greater
security advantage than GK numbers
do, he asserted.
Kinyua admitted that Government
vehicles with private number plates
are more likely to be misused to run
private errands contrary to the code
of regulations.
Kinyua indicated that the Govern-
ment is in the process of developing a
new policy on issuance of private
number plates to GK vehicles, but
before the policy is ready, the directive
on using GK vehicles should be com-
plied with fully by state ofcials.
Page 6 / NATIONAL NEWS
SCANDAL OF VEHICLES
IN NIGHTCLUBS
Last month, The Standard
published photographs of
many government vehicles in
night entertainment spots
The civil servants, both in
the national and county gov-
ernments, have been wast-
ing millions of shillings of
tax payers money running
personal errands that in-
clude taking their children to
school and visiting nightclubs
using Government vehicles
MUSIC COPYRIGHT SOCIETY OF KENYA LIMITED
INVITATION TO TENDER
Tender REF No. MCSK/014/15.001
TENDER NAME: PRE-QUALIFICATION OF SUPPLIERS FOR SUPPLY
OF GOODS & PROVISION OF SERVICES.
The MUSIC COPYRIGHT SOCIETY OF KENYA invites applications from eligible rms for pre-
qualication of suppliers to be included in the pre-qualied suppliers list from July 2014-
June 2015.
LIST OF ITEMS
NO. TENDER REFERENCE
NUMBER
CATEGORY OF GOODS AND
SERVICES
NON CLOSING
DATE
1 MCSK/TC/01/2014/15 Printing and stationery 3000.00 18
th
June 2014
2 MCSK/TC/02/2014/15 Security printing 3000.00 18
th
June 2014
3 MCSK/TC/03/2014/15 Medical Insurance 3000.00 18
th
June 2014
4 MCSK/TC/04/2014/15 General Insurance & Brokerage 3000.00 18
th
June 2014
5 MCSK/TC/05/2014/15 Computers/Printers & ICT
Equipments/ accessories
3000.00 18
th
June 2014
6 MCSK/TC/06/2014/15 Motor Vehicle Insurance 3000.00 18
th
June 2014
7 MCSK/TC/07/2014/15 Training & Consulting Services 3000.00 18
th
June 2014
Music Copyright Society of Kenya (MCSK) invites tenders for the above listed services for the
year 2014/2015.
Tender documents with details may be obtained from MCSK head ofce located off Parklands
road, Maua Close, Westlands between 9.00am and 4.00pm on working days upon payment
of a Non refundable fee of kshs 3,000.00 per tender set, payable at the ofce in cash or
bankers cheque.
Completed tender documents in plain sealed envelopes clearly marked the tender number
and service description should be deposited in the TENDER BOX situated at the reception of
MCSK head ofce on or before Friday 18
th
June 2014 at 10.00am and addressed to;
THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER
MUSIC COPYRIGHT SOCIETY KENYA
P.O.BOX 14806-00800
NAIROBI.
Tender opening will be carried out thereafter on Friday 20
th
June 2014 at MCSK head ofce
Board Room in the presence of bidders or their representatives who wish to attend.
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
NATIONAL NEWS / Page 7
By CYRUS OMBATI
Kampala University has come out
to defend Mombasa Governor Hassan
Johos degree certicate as bona de,
legal and authentic.
Vice Chancellor Badru Kateregga
said the degree was genuinely award-
ed and the Senate cannot revoke an
award that it deems, lawful, authentic
and genuinely awarded.
Any statements suggesting that
any other body has revoked or is
about to recall or cancel Johos degree
is idle, irresponsible, redundant and
should be ignored, said Prof Kat-
eregga.
Speaking in Nairobi at a press con-
ference, Kateregga said nobody and
no authority in Uganda is vested with
the legal mandate to recall, cancel or
revoke Johos degree apart from the
institutions Senate.
Prof Kateregga, also the chairman
of the institutions Senate, said the
saga surrounding the degree is politi-
cal and should be treated so.
The Senate may deprive any per-
son of a degree, diploma, certicate or
other award if after due inquiry it is
found that the award was obtained
Joho was our student, varsity says
Kampala University
Senate says the
Mombasa Governor
was their own for three
academic years
through fraud, said Kateregga.
He also took issue with a section of
Kenyan media that he termed as
amateurish and lacking objectivity
in reporting the matter.
He was reacting to reports that the
Uganda National Council of Higher
Education had said the degree certi-
cate obtained by Joho is a fake.
The council, chaired by Prof Nyeko
Pen-Mogi, adopted the recommenda-
tions of a sub-committee, which had
been asked to investigate how the
governor obtained a Bachelors degree
from the private university.
There was no clear evidence that
academic due process was followed
from admission to graduation regard-
ing a Bachelor of Business Adminis-
tration degree (Human Resource
Management option) awarded to Mr
Hassan Ali Joho by Kampala Univer-
sity, the council said in a resolution.
But Kateregga said the resolution
is illegal and is already facing legal
challenge by the university in a court
of law, which has already issued an
order stopping dissemination and
implementation.
We wish to be on record that the
National Council for Higher Educa-
tion for clearly sinister motives,
rushed to pass a resolution premising
itself on nothing but an illegal and
impugned CIID report, that was re-
leased in deance and contempt of a
court order, said Kateregga.
NCHE said that Joho might not
have been in Uganda to physically
undertake studies, raising doubts
about how the university awarded
him the degree.
Kampala University Vice Chancellor Badru Kateregga addresses the Press at a
Nairobi hotel yesterday where he said Johos certicate is legal. [PHOTO: BEVER-
LYNE MUSILI/STANDARD]
By MAUREEN ABWAO
The Central Organisation of Trade
Unions (Cotu) has raised concerns
over delay in concluding investiga-
tions into the multi-billion shillings
Tassia housing project scandal despite
availing the required information to
facilitate the probe.
Cotu said both the Government
and the Ethics and Anti-Corruption
Commission (EACC) have remained
mute over the matter.
EACC as a key institution with the
constitutional mandate to arrest all
cases on corruption and involving
theft of public funds, its silence con-
tinues to cause anxiety and agony
among the Kenyan workers and their
leaders who are eager to know who
are the individuals behind the fraudu-
lent approval of such a colossal sum
of money from the workers funds,
NSSF, said Cotu chairman Rajabu
Mwondi through a statement sent to
the newsrooms.
He pointed out that ve months
have elapsed since the Sh5.053 billion
Tassia project was unearthed, which
detailed how the NSSF Board of Trust-
ees allegedly approved the expendi-
ture of the said amount through an
email circulation, and the Govern-
ment is yet to take action.
He told EACC to make its ndings
on the matter public irrespective of
the outcome.
Cotu demands
report on Tassia
housing project
INVITATION FOR BIDS
Land OLakes Inc., MN, USA invites bids for the sale of 18,800 Metric Tons of Wheat in three
lots of 5,000, 5,800 and 8,000 metric tons (+/- 10% at sellers option) Class: Northern Spring
Wheat, Grade: U.S. No. 2/ob; Protein: 13.5%; Moisture (Max.): 13.5%; Dockage (Max): 0.6%; Test
weight lbs/bu (Min.): 57.0; Falling Number (Min.): 300; Wheat of Other Classes (Max.): 3.0%;
Total Defects (Max.): 1/ 3.5% of US origin in one bulk shipment for Kenya. Expected shipping
period is September 2014. Actual shipment schedule(s) will be based on supplier procurement
and delivery schedules. The load and delivery dates are neither promised nor guaranteed by
the Seller.
All interested parties should submit their bids in US Dollars ($) on May 27, 2014 at 13:00 hours
EAT based on Incoterms CFR (C&F free out) Mombasa, Kenya basis. Please submit your nal
bid along with your complete contact details by email to Land O Lakes Inc. Commodity and
Monetization Manager Matthew Smith; [email protected] in English.
Bid documentation may also be requested from the above email address.
All bids should be valid for 15 days and with the words 2014 NS Tender in the email subject line.
Bids will be opened May 27, 2014 at 15:00 hours EAT at Land OLakes ofces
Block B, 3rd Floor, Peponi Plaza,
Off Peponi Rd, Westlands,
P O Box 45006 GPO 00100
Nairobi, Kenya
The Winner will be chosen based on offer price (and approved externally), ability to meet
payment terms and past performance.
The most acceptable bidder will have to provide a 10% prepayment upon signing of sales
agreement and an irrevocable sight letter of credit issued by a bank of sellers choice for the
remaining 90% amount no later than 14 days before the loading of cargo at U.S. port. Commodity
is offered in three lots of 5,000, 5,800 and 8,000 metric tons; bidders are not limited to one
lot.
The seller reserves the right to reject any or all the bids and issue a fresh invitation for bids.
Buyer will take possession of wheat at US Port and imported it into Kenya.
POSTPONEMENT OF THE 3
RD
NATI ONAL CONFERENCE ON
ALCOHOL AND DRUG ABUSE: 3
RD
- 6
TH
J UNE 2014
The Board and Management of NACADA regret the unfortunate deaths
of Kenyans who lost lives due to consumption of Killer brews.
On behalf of the NACADA Board of Directors, Management and Staff, I
wish to express our deepest condolences to the bereaved families and to
wish those still in hospital quick recovery.
In view of this unfortunate incidence that call for crisis management and
the need to implement Government Directives on the control of illicit brews
and adulterated alcohol, I wish to announce that the planned 3
rd
National
Conference on Alcohol and Drug Abuse that was scheduled to take place
from 3
rd
to 6
th
J une 2014 at the Kenyatta International Convention Centre
has been rescheduled to 24
th -
27
th
November 2014.
Those who had already registered and paid the conference fee, their
registration is still valid for the rescheduled conference. Those who may
wish to get a refund may contact the undersigned.
We apologize for any inconveniences arising from the change.
Mr. Enoch N. Onchwari,
Ag. Chief Executive Ofcer,
P.O. Box 10774, 00100
Nairobi
[email protected]
Our crisis response contacts are: Helpline 1192; Mobile 0731-003332
Page 8 / NATIONAL NEWS Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
interpreted the roles of the county
commissioners. He added that this is
not the old order where the provincial
administration used to harass the
public.
We are living in a new constitu-
tional dispensation and it appears
those talking have not woken up to
that, maybe that is how they intended
to use the provincial administration
were they to be elected, he added.
The President once again cau-
tioned the county administrators
against misusing the new powers say-
ing the State would not hesitate to
sack them and employ those who
were ready to serve citizens.
Earlier, Uhuru visited Alliance
Girls, where he opened a new modern
dormitory with capacity for 630 stu-
dents.
The dormitory, which has rooms
that accommodate two students, was
built at the cost of Sh130 million with
expert services for free by parents of
the students.
Speaking to the girls, the President
said the Government was focused on
changing the place of women in the
Kenyan society.
He said women hold prominent
positions in his Government and cit-
ed the example of Foreign Affairs Cab-
inet Secretary Amina Mohamed.
She is doing a good job and we
are proud of her work, he said. The
President also cited Lands CS Charity
Ngilu who is an alumni of Alliance
girls.
She is cleaning up all the corrupt
practices that men have brought to
the Ministry of Lands, he said.
He also commended Devolution
CS Anne Waiguru for steering the pro-
cess, which has seen powers to the
counties transferred in less than a
year instead of three years.
The President said Environment,
Water and Natural Resources CS Judy
Wakhungu is also doing a good job.
Uhuru warns against divisive politics
alternative agenda should wait for
elections.
Uhuru said that although the Con-
stitution gives them right of expres-
sion, they should not resort to state-
ments that are likely to create
animosity and hatred among commu-
nities.
He recalled that Kenya had experi-
enced its darkest days with the 2007-8
post-election violence, which he at-
tributed to reckless statements by
leaders that polarised the country
along ethnic lines.
We dont want to go back to where
we were in 2007-8 and you all know
its careless statements from leaders,
which took us there, Uhuru said at
Kikuyu town, after attending a thanks-
giving service at the Alliance High
School yesterday.
The President told off Senators
Bonni Khalwale and Moses Wetangula
who faced off with him on Saturday
during a rally in Bungoma.
Uhuru scoffed at his critics saying
the time for politicking is over and
they should wait for ve years to sell
their alternative agenda to the peo-
ple.
They can say what they want to
say but they should know I am the one
ruling now and they cant stop me
from implementing my manifesto. I
am telling them to wait for ve years
and come to the people, but in any
case, they wont even make it, said
the President.
We have come a long way from
the violence that rocked this country
in 2008, which was caused by similar
incitement, and we do not want to go
back there he said.
FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION
He said there is freedom of speech,
but politicians should not incite Ke-
nyans against each other.
Kiambu Governor William Kabogo
accused Dr Khalwale and Mr
Wetangula of showing contempt for
IN UHURUS WORDS
We dont want to go back to
where we were in 2007-8 and you
all know its careless statements
from leaders, which took us there
They can say what they want to
say but they should know I am
the one ruling now and they cant
stop me from implementing my
manifesto. I am telling them to
wait for fve years and come to
the people, but in any case, they
wont even make it
President Uhuru Kenyatta addresses a press conference at State House, Nai-
robi yesterday. [PHOTO: PCSU]
BY GEOFFREY MOSOKU
and ERIC WAINAINA
President Uhuru Kenyatta has hit
back at western countries over travel
advisories warning their nationals
against travelling to Kenya over inse-
curity.
In a hard-hitting remark, Uhuru
scoffed at the travel advisories, which
he termed as insults to Kenya while
accusing the West of hypocrisy.
The President said terrorism is not
unique to Kenya and said that in any
case, the attacks began in the western
countries, which have borne the brunt
of the terrorism as opposed to Ke-
nya.
Addressing a roadside rally last
evening in Kikuyu town, Kiambu
County, after attending a thanks-giv-
ing service at Alliance High School,
Uhuru said the decision to evacuate
tourists from Kenya would not affect
the sector, adding that the State will
concentrate on local tourists and
those from friendly countries.
Now they are issuing travel advi-
sories and evacuating their citizens
over the terror incidents, and we are
telling them that they can go if they
want. We arent afraid; we will do our
own things here. We are there to pro-
mote domestic tourism and we will
shop for tourists in other nations, the
hard-hitting Uhuru said.
The President said it was unfortu-
nate that the West wants to avoid Ke-
nya due to terrorism yet the country
has always stood with them when
they have been victims of such at-
tacks.
He recalled September 11, 2001,
when the US was hit by twin attacks
when the then President, George
Bush, called for support in the famous
statement of you are either with us or
with the enemy.
Terrorism was not born in Kenya;
in fact it started in their country (US).
We supported them then and if you
remember well, there was a time when
President Bush (George) said its ei-
ther you are with us or against us, so
if they do not reciprocate the same, its
their own problem, Uhuru said.
Last week, the US, France, UK and
Australia issued travel advisories
warning their citizens against travel-
ing to Mombasa, leading to mass exo-
dus of tourists from the coast hotels.
SOMALIA TROOPS
Hoteliers and stakeholders in the
sector have cried foul saying the advi-
sories will badly hit the economy.
Yesterday, Uhuru said Kenya will
continue to tighten security, saying he
will not withdraw troops from Soma-
lia, adding that the Kenya Defence
Forces went to Somalia because it was
unable to put is house in order.
The President cautioned Kenyans
to be vigilant especially in public plac-
es such as bus stations and market ar-
eas.
He also told matatu operators not
to take advantage of the new directive
to harass passengers even as they in-
tensify their security checks.
I am telling even mama mboga to
be vigilant on who her customer is
and the butcherman not to accept any
luggage that a stranger may want to
leave in his shop, Uhuru said.
Following the advisories, hundreds
of Western tourists are literally eeing
holiday resorts on Kenyas coast.
Last week chartered aircraft ar-
rived from Europe and left Mombasas
Moi International Airport with hun-
dreds of tourists fearful of terrorist at-
tacks despite assurances of safety by
the Government.
In Mombasas South coast, some of
the tourists evacuated had arrived
just a day earlier, signalling that most
Westerners had taken the advisories
seriously. Some hotels lost virtually all
their guests after their mainly British
visitors left.
President tells off West on advisories
the President, as their actions were
tantamount to ridiculing him.
You cannot take to a podium and
ridicule the President. If you dont re-
spect the President, please at least
show some respect for the institution
of the Presidency, Mr Kabogo said.
The President also defended his
decision to empower county commis-
sioners in spite of criticism from Gov-
ernors and the opposition.
He said it was ironical that gover-
nors have been allowed to recruit of-
cers who will enable them to serve
their people yet they were opposed to
him having representatives.
Uhuru accused CORD leaders of
living in the past saying they had mis-
BY GILBERT KIMUTAI, WILBERFORCE
NETYA and MICHAEL WESONGA
Bomet Governor Isaac Ruto has
threatened to move to court to chal-
lenge the decision by President Uhuru
Kenyatta to confer more powers on
county commissioners.
While speaking in Bomet, Ruto
said Uhurus move was unconstitu-
tional and meant to undermine the
spirit of devolution in the country.
If we are to go that way, which is
like creating a parallel centre of power
at the county level, Kenyans will not
live to see their expectation and full
benets of devolution, said the Bom-
et governor.
Speaking at Simoti Secondary
School in Konoin sub-county during
a thanks giving ceremony, Ruto said
they would seek court interpretation
on the move taken by the Executive
and seek to bar the county commis-
sioners from exercising their new
powers.
He also took issue with the fund al-
location to the counties saying it was
a drop in the ocean.
However, Konoin MP Sammy
Koech said as Parliament they would
be increasing the funds to the coun-
ties gradually.
At the same time, Baringo Gover-
nor Benjamin Cheboi has downplayed
the new policy that seeks to create
powerful county commissioners.
Cheboi said article 189 of the Con-
stitution clearly gives governors pow-
ers over their counties.
He subsequently observed that se-
curity, primary and secondary educa-
tion and immigration were the key
functions of the national government
at the county level.
Commissioners
new powers to
be challenged
NAKURU COUNTY GOVERNMENT
MINISTRY OF HEALTH
INVITATION TO BID
The County Government of Nakuru Ministry of Health invites bids from eligible
interested bidders to tender for the following:-
S/No Tender Number Tender Name
NCA
Registration
Eligible
Bidders
1. NCG/MOH/T/1 /2013-2014 Proposed Completion of
maternity block at Molo District
Hospital
4,5,6 & 7 All bidders
2. NCG/MOH/T/ 2/2013-2014 Proposed Construction of
Ngondi Health Centre
4,5,6 & 7 All bidders
3. NCG/MOH/T/ 3 /2013-2014 Proposed Expansion of
Dundori Health Centre
4,5,6 & 7 All bidders
QUALIFICATION FOR TENDERING
The following must be submitted together with the bids:-
1. Company Registration Certicate (copy)
2. National Construction Authority Certicate (NCA) in relevant category (Copy)
3. Tax compliant certicate (Copy)
4. Single business permit
A complete set of tender document may be obtained by interested and eligible bidders from
the Procurement Ofce at the Rift Valley Provincial Headquarters Block B second
Floor Room No. 15 (Ministry of Health) upon payment of Non-refundable fee of Ksh.1000/-
in cash payable to County Secretary Nakuru County at Nakuru County Cash ofce.
Complete tender document are to be enclosed in plain sealed envelop clearly marked with
tender number and tender name and should be deposited in the tender box outside Medical
Superintendent ofce at the Rift Valley Provincial General Hospital Addressed to:-
Chief Ofcer of Health Services
Nakuru County
P O Box 2060
NAKURU
So as to be received on or before 3
rd
June, 2014 at 10.00 a.m. Tenders will be opened
immediately thereafter in the presence of bidders or their representatives who choose to
attend in the Hospital Board Room at Provincial General Hospital Nakuru
CHIEF OFFICER HEALTH SERVICES
Terrorism
was not
born in
Kenya;
in fact it
started
in their
country
(US)
Continued from P1
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
NOTICE / Page 9
London Di st i l l er s (K) l t d
PUBLIC NOTICE
London Distillers (K) Ltd is proud to be associated with NACADA and fully support their current drive to
streamline the sales of alcohol in our own beautiful country Kenya.
We wish to inform all our esteemed distributors, wholesalers, retailers and even the general public
that London Distillers (K) Ltd has submitted all their documents for vetting and brands for testing and
analysis.
Consequently we received a letter of compliance from National Authority for Campaign against Alcohol
and Drug Abuse (NACADA) on May 13th 2014.
Quality Alcohol is an Art
The entire portfolio of manufactured brands of LDK conforming to all
quality standards under the regulations of Kenyan laws.
Kahawa Gold Liqueur, Old Monk Rum, Meakins Dark Rum, Safari Cocktail
Rum, Lem Punch Liqueur, Safari Cane Rum, Safari Brandy, Napoleon Gold
Brandy, Kenya King Gin, Napoleon Crown Brandy, Crystal Dry Gin, Safari
Rum, Safari Whisky, safari Vodka, Top Secret Whisky, Safari Dry Gin,
Meakins Vodka, Meakins Dry Gin, Kahawa Liqueur, Madafu Liqueurs.
CHAIRMAN
LONDON DISTILLERS (K) LTD
Email:[email protected]
Page 10 / NATIONAL NEWS Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
be more vigilant. Their passage into
the country means someone is not
sleeping on their job. The issue of
aliens must be ended, he told the ad-
ministrators who included county
commissioners and chiefs.
Lenku told the administrators and
security team that the national gov-
ernment will look into their personal
welfare well and offer better equip-
ment to enable them work well.
Corruption, he said, was also a
contributing factor to insecurity and
other social vices like sale of illicit
brews which recently claimed about
100 lives in the country.
The minister told the representa-
tives of the national government to
use their new power to serve the pub-
lic well and provide security in their
respective counties.
Lenku: More immigrants
sneaking in despite checks
By ALI ABDI
Interior Cabinet Secretary Joseph
ole Lenku has expressed concern over
the high number of illegal aliens still
gaining entry into the country.
Lenku said the immigrants are still
getting into the country through Moy-
ale and Mandera and hiding in coun-
ties like Isiolo before being ferried to
Nairobi.
The CS said one of the major
routes used by the aliens is the one
that passes through Marsabit, Isiolo,
Samburu and Meru counties.
He was speaking in Isiolo town
when he met national government
administrators and security chiefs
from Isiolo, Marsabit, Meru and Sam-
buru.
Principal Secretary Mutea Iringo
and Eastern Regional Commissioner
Claire Omollo accompanied Lenku in
the meeting that was attended by-
more than 500 administrators.
POLICE BARRIERS
Illegal aliens who enter the coun-
try through Moyale and Mandera hide
in counties in the region before reach-
ing Nairobi. Some of these foreigners
are among those behind the terror at-
tacks we have in Nairobi, said Len-
ku.
He expressed surprise that the for-
eigners were still coming while the re-
gion has many police barriers, adding
that each county security team must
WAR AGAINST ILLEGAL
IMMIGRANTS STILL ON
The Government has continued to
crack down on illegal immigrants
in the last two months following
an upsurge in terror attacks. Dur-
ing the operation dubbed Usala-
ma Watch, a number of Somali
nationals have been deported to
Mogadishu. The Government has
said it will not relent in the oper-
ation despite criticism from some
quarters.
Some of the administrators who con-
verged in Isiolo for a meeting with the
Cabinet Secretary for Internal Securi-
ty Joseph ole Lenku (inset). [PHOTO:ALI
ABDI/STANDARD]
By PONCIANO ODONGO
A chief in Kajiado County
has been sacked for allegedly
forging school certicates to
secure the job two years ago.
Mr Charles Parkinyaro Kire-
ma who has been serving as a
chief in Oloolotikosh location,
Kitengela division has been
handed a letter terminating his
services on the grounds of in-
tegrity.
The Standard has estab-
lished that the administrator
was sacked vide a letter dated
March 6.
The documents he had pre-
sented during his recruitment
indicated he attained C plus in
KCSE but upon verication by
the examination council, it
emerged that the papers were
not genuine.
The letter has also recom-
mended that the chief be inves-
tigated due to his questionable
conduct and integrity.
Isinya Deputy County com-
missioner Mr Hassan Bule con-
rmed the sacking.
By VINCENT MABATUK
The Cabinet Secretary for Min-
ing Najib Balala has announced
plans to visit all mineral-rich re-
gions to listen to issues faced by
local miners.
Addressing small-scale gold
miners and owners of Kilimapesa
Gold mines at Lolgorian in Kilgor-
is, Balala said the visits were im-
portant since they would enable
him to understand and analyse
some of the critical issues facing
local communities and small-
scale miners in the country.
Recently, the area has seen
great developments in its mining
sector following discovery of gold
deposits under Kilimapesa Moun-
tain in Trans Mara by a British
rm.
He named Taita Taveta, Kaka-
mega and Migori as some of the
regions with mineral deposits that
can support the countrys econo-
my if taken seriously.
The CS said the Government
was committed to ensuring that
investors interested in exploring
mineral deposits in the country
are accorded maximum support.
It is encouraging to see what
Kilimapesa is doing. Achieving 15
grammes of pure gold from one
tonne of raw materials is quite
promising, said Balala.
Lojomon Biwott, a director at
Kilimapesa, said the company es-
timates it has deposits that can
last 20 years.
Balala disclosed to small-scale
miners in the area efforts aimed at
empowering them in the new
mining act, besides seeking ways
of addressing their challenges.
Chief sacked
for forging
papers
Balala in bid
to support
local miners
RoundUp
NAIROBI: Taxi driver killed,
dumped on roadside
A taxi driver was murdered in cold
blood before his body was dumped in
Ruai area, Nairobi and his car stolen.
The driver had been hired from Ngong
town before his assailants took control
of the car, drove and dumped his body
in Ruai on Saturday night. Police said
the victim had been hired to drop the
passengers in the Central Business
District when he was killed. Nairobi
police boss Benson Kibue said the
assailants stabbed him several times.
We are pursuing the issue, said
Kibue.
SAMBURU: Fear after
herders discover bombs
Fear engulfed Kisima area in
Samburu County after two live
explosives were discovered a few
metres away from homesteads.
Livestock herders discovered the
two bombs, believed to have been
abandoned after paramilitary trainings
several years ago. John Lpaina, one
of the herders, said the explosives
have become a source of discomfort to
residents as some have lost their lives.
Samburu police boss Patrick Wambane
while urging residents to keep off areas
around the scene, said bomb experts
had been called to deactivate them.
By CYRUS OMBATI
A refugee was shot and se-
riously wounded in an at-
tempted robbery at the Dagha-
hale camp in Dadaab.
The attackers, who were
armed with ries, are said to
have confronted the man on
Saturday and demanded cash
and other valuables before
they shot him on the shoulder
and later escaped.
The victim was rushed to
hospital where he was attend-
ed to and discharged.
Garissa CID boss Musa
Yego said the attackers es-
caped on foot and no arrest
had been made.
This is the latest attack to
happen in the camp, which is
slowly swelling after the Gov-
ernment ordered the return of
all refugees who were residing
in urban centres.
The refugee camps are sup-
posed to be closed as per a
government programme but
they are now receiving more
refugees especially from So-
malia who are running away
from ghting.
The incident came hours
after gunmen launched an at-
tack on four places in Mandera
County, including the home of
the local deputy governor.
The gunmen believed to be
Al Shabaab militia attacked
Mandera police stations and
one of the homes of the local
county boss on Friday night
but no injury was reported.
The gang is said to have
red several times at three po-
lice stations in the area, forc-
ing police to take cover before
they escaped.
Police say they are yet to
know who the attackers were.
The suspects also hurled a gre-
nade but no one was injured.
Mandera County police
commander Noah Mwivanda
said the militants had divided
themselves into groups before
launching the attacks. We
have now beefed up security,
said Mwivanda.
Gunmen invade
camp, injure refugee
CS warns security
teams against
corruption, calls for
more vigilance
Rural Electrication Authority invites tenders from interested companies to tender for the following Items as indicated
below:
TENDER NO. ITEMS DESCRIPTION CLOSING DATE TIME
REA/2013-2014/NT/067 SUPPLY, INSTALLATION AND COMMISSIONING OF NETWORK,
IP TELEPHONY (IPT) AND SECURITY INFRASTRUCTURE.
4
TH
June 2014 10.00am
Interested bidders may inspect and download the tender document at www.rea.co.ke and submit the same free of charge.
Bidders who choose to bid should register with the Procurement Department by submission of an application letter on
their company letter head declaring their intention to bid in this tender.
Bidders are free to contact the ofce of the Manager, Procurement & Supplies on the 6
th
Floor: The Chancery, Valley
Road Nairobi, during normal working days between 9.00 am - 12.30 pm and 2.00 - 4.30 pm for any clarication regarding
the tender. Bidders shall not contact or discuss any aspect of their tender with REA after the closing date and before the
receipt of notication of award of tender or letters of regret as applicable. Any such contact shall lead to disqualication.
Completed tender should be enclosed in plain sealed envelopes marked with Tender Name and Reference Number and be
deposited in the Tender Box situated at the Rural Electrication Authority ofces and be addressed to:
The Chief Executive Ofcer
Rural Electrication Authority
6
th
Floor: The Chancery, Valley Road
P.O. Box 34585 00100
NAIROBI, KENYA.
So that they are received on or before the dates and time indicated above.
Tenders will be opened immediately thereafter in the presence of the tenderers or their representatives who choose to
attend at the Venue as Specied in the Instructions to Tenders.
Ag. CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER
RURAL ELECTRIFICATION AUTHORITY
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
NOTICES / Page 11
Website: www.nhif.or.ke
Toll-Free: 0800720601
CIVIL SERVANTS &
DISCIPLINED SERVICES
All members who wish to
change their out-patient facility
have an opportunity to do so
between 19th May 2014 and
13th J une 2014.
Lists of accredited healthcare
facilities have been availed to
the respective Heads of Human
Resources of the Ministries &
Government Departments, the
Inspector General of Police,
N.H.I.F Website, County
Commissioner ofces & N.H.I.F
Branch Ofces.
Please ensure you ll in and
remit your change of facility
form before 13th J une 2014.
Page 12 / NATIONAL NEWS
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
Supreme Courts big task
amid debate on fling time
Two Appellate judges
rule in favour of
Waititu despite time
question as presiding
judge dissents
BENCH WATCH
REPUBLIC OF KENYA
IN THE COURT OF APPEAL, NAIROBI
CONSTITUTIONAL PETITION NO 324 OF 2013
FERDINAND NDUNGU WAITITU ........................APPELLANT
VERSUS
THE INDEPENDENT ELECTORAL AND
BOUNDARIES COMMISSION
AND 8 OTHERS..........................................RESPONDENTS
BENCH: HON JUSTICES MOHAMED WARSAME, GBM KARIUKI
AND PATRICK KIAGE
JUDGEMENT: 13.05.2014
By WAHOME THUKU
The Supreme Court is faced with
yet another task of deciding whether
Evans Kidero should retain his seat as
the governor of Nairobi or whether
the county should go back to the bal-
lot.
Dr Kidero has led a petition at the
highest court, challenging the nulli-
cation of his election by the Court of
Appeal last week.
A petition challenging his election
was led at the High Court last year by
his close challenger Ferdinand Waiti-
tu, a former deputy mayor and a
prominent politician in Nairobi. It
was dismissed by the High Court but
Waititu successfully appealed.
Kideros case at the Supreme Court
could turn on one argument, that
Waititu led his appeal out of time
hence it should not have been enter-
tained by the Court of Appeal in the
rst place. Section 85(a) of the Elec-
tions Act requires that an appeal on
any election matter be led at the
Court of Appeal within 30 days after
the judgment of the High Court.
In this case, the High Court deliv-
ered its judgment on September 10,
2013. The 30-day timeframe was thus
to lapse on October 10. On September
9, Waititu led a Notice of Appeal.
However, he could not obtain the
typed High Court proceedings which
he must include in the record of ap-
peal.
On October 31, last year Waititu
was issued with a certicate of delay
by the High Court. It indicated that
the High Court took 49 days to pre-
pare the proceedings. Waititu led his
appeal on November 22.
During the hearing in February
this year the three Court of Appeal
judges Mohamed Warsame, GBM Kar-
iuki and Patrick Kiage asked the law-
yers to address them on the question
of time.
Waititus counsel Paul Muite ar-
gued that the appeal was led within
the time provided under Rule 82 of the
Court of Appeal Rules, 2010.
He submitted that since Waititu
had a certicate of delay, he could not
be punished for delay caused by the
High Court in the supply and prepa-
ration of proceedings.
Mr Muite submitted that the 49
days taken for the preparation and
supply of the proceedings be exclud-
ed in computing the period for ling.
Muite argued that a strict construc-
tion of Section 85(a) of the Elections
Act would violate his clients right to
access justice, under Article 48 of the
Constitution.
The Independent Electoral and
Boundaries Commission (IEBC) did
not address the issue but left it to the
court to decide.
Kideros lawyer Tom Ojienda ar-
gued that the appeal had been led
after the expiry of the mandatory pe-
riod of 30 days hence it should not be
entertained. Kidero and his deputy
Johnathan Mweke maintained the ap-
peal was incompetent.
GIVE MEANING
They argued that the notice of ap-
peal lodged by the appellant within 14
days was not an appeal as required by
law and that no appeal was lodged
until November 22, 2013 by which
time the period prescribed for appeal-
ing had ran out.
Justice Kariuki and Kiage agreed
with Waititus position on this argu-
ment pointing out that time for ling
an appeal could run out for no fault of
the appellant.
A construction of Section 85A(a)
of the Elections Act that prejudices,
sties or renders these rights mean-
ingless would, in my view, be repug-
nant to the spirit and intendment of
the Constitution because it could nev-
er have been the intention of the Con-
stitution that an intending appellant
who is intent on exercising his right to
challenge the outcome of an election
decision can be prevented from doing
so for not beating the 30 days for no
fault of his, justice Kariuki held. It
could never have been the intention
of Parliament to prejudice the right of
a citizen to access justice or the right
to appeal an election decision where,
for no fault of his, the period for ap-
pealing ran out.
He said the court should adopt an
interpretation that gives meaning to
the intention of the Legislature.
An interpretation of Section
85A(a) that upholds rejection of an
appeal where the appellant is not to
blame for lateness is certainly against
the spirit of the Constitution and the
Bill of Rights, he said noting that dif-
ferent court stations take varying pe-
riods to supply the proceedings to in-
tending appellants, for various
reasons.
Justice Kiage concurred with that
opinion. It seems to me that the 30
days period is premised on an as-
sumption that an appellant will not be
hindered or prevented by factors out-
side his control in obtaining the doc-
uments, he pointed out.
Kiage said the question that arises
is what the consequence would be to
a well - intentioned appeal if the ap-
pellant should be unable to get docu-
ments from the court within the time
prescribed by the rules.
It seems clear to me that so long
as proceedings are bespoken by an
appellant within the time specied by
this rule and the request is in writing
and duly copied to the opposite side,
a certicate of delay duly issued is
conclusive. It ensures that when reck-
oning the days, be they the 60 past no-
tice of appeal for all appeals generally,
or any shorter period as may be spec-
ied by a Special Act of Parliament,
the days so certied are excluded, as
indeed they must. Such exclusion is
not in any way offensive, violate or
subversive of the statute that sets time
limits. That may end some day when
proceedings can be prepared and
availed real time or contemporane-
ously but before that happens, the
certied days must be excluded, Ki-
age summed it up.
He added, We are doers of Justice
not mere keepers of time. He then
declared the appeal competent.
However, the presiding judge War-
same dissented holding that Section
85(a) of the Elections Act was clear on
the time frame.
NOT ENOUGH REASON
The word shall used in section
85(a) connotes an emphatic inten-
tion, an expression of strong assertion
or command, a duty rather than a
wish required to perform a function
in a discretionary manner. In my un-
derstanding, the use of words shall
and led within 30 days of the deci-
sion of the High Court confer a man-
datory sense that the drafters typical-
ly intended, and that courts typically
must uphold. It means the ling of an
appeal from the decision of the High
Court is to be done within 30 days. In
other words, the ling is to be done
within the period, not exceeding or
beyond the 30 days from the date
when the decision is rendered, he
held saying the section was not in
conict with the Constitution.
He added, A court of law cannot
go outside this contours set by Parlia-
ment, as to do so would distort the
clear intention of Parliament.
Warsame held that delays caused
by the High Court in the preparation
and supply of typed proceedings was
not reason enough for a court to turn
its back on the constitutional and
statutory timelines.
With two out of the three judges
holding that the appeal was compe-
tent, the bench then considered other
issues raised in the appeal and nally
nullied Kideros election.
The writer is a court reporter.
Email:iwahome@standardmedia.
co.ke
It could never have
been the intention of
Parliament to prejudice the
right of a citizen to access
justice or appeal an election
decision Justice Kariuki
Kideros lawyer, Ojienda, wanted ap-
peal thrown out.
Muite, Waititus lawyer, argued peti-
tion was led within time.
Court of Appeal judges ruled in fa-
vour of Waititu.
Kidero has challenged decision to
nullify his election.
Managing Director, AAR HealthCare
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I am Mark Achola
By MICHAEL OLLINGA
St Georges Boarding Pri-
mary will soon get a girls dor-
mitory after being the rst
beneciary of a property own-
ership campaign spearheaded
by The Property Show aired on
KTN every Sunday at 6pm.
The Standard Group en-
tered into a partnership
dubbed Your Dreams could
come True initiative with Elsek
and Elsek Group of Companies
to ensure that ardent KTN
viewers are rewarded with
homes and other properties in
the next three months.
Elsek and Elsek, a Turkish
company, has a group of sub-
sidiaries dealing with modern
construction techniques aimed
at cutting building costs.
Speaking during the
groundbreaking of the dormi-
tory, Elsek and Elsek Chief Ex-
ecutive Ofcer Osman Erdinc
Elsek, who was accompanied
by Uasin Gishu Governor Jack-
son Mandago, said the modern
technology will help more
people in the middle-class own
homes easily.
Our new construction
technology that utilises purely
aluminum bars and grills and
cabro materials is affordable,
time effective and reliable as it
cant rust and is the likely solu-
tion to the accommodation
problems in the country, he
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
NATIONAL NEWS / Page 13
KTN helps end
accommodation
crisis in school
St Georges
Boarding Primary
will get a girls
dormitory in the
next six weeks
said. The company will use the
above stated materials that
were delivered to the school on
Thursday evening to build the
dormitory that is expected to
house 112 girls.
Gilbert arap Bor, the
schools Board of Governors
chairman, said the construc-
tion of the dormitory was
timely because the institution
was experiencing accommo-
dation problems.
Seventy girls in the board-
ing section have been relying
on iron sheet makeshift dorms
so this will be a remedy in
quashing the accommodation
crisis, he said. Mr Bor said the
school has put emphasis on
providing education to chil-
dren from poor families and
depends majorly on charity.
FULLY INSTALLED
We only allow pupils to
board as from Standard Six due
to the high demand and we
already have 140 boarders in
comparison to 280 day schol-
ars. We would want to have at
least 60 per cent of these pupils
reside in school, he said.
Elsek, through a video
demo, showed how one can
acquire a one-bedroomed
house fully installed with fur-
niture, plumbing lines and
electricity wiring at only
Sh350,000.
This technology is timely
especially during hard eco-
nomic times when people are
struggling to pay rent and
mortgage. The structure only
needs 35 minutes to be com-
plete, he said.
Governor Mandago said the
dormitory will be complete
within six weeks. Elsek offered
two fully paid scholarships to a
Turkish university.
By ANTONY GITONGA
Two shermen are feared
dead after their boat capsised
in Lake Naivasha at the week-
end. Four of their colleagues
swam to safety as residents
and police mounted a search
for the duo in Kasarani. There
were, however, conicting re-
ports on the status of the two,
with some alleging that they
were poachers.
The rescue operation was
disrupted by strong winds and
water hyacinth that made
navigation difcult. John
Ochido, a resident, said six
shermen were on a shing
expedition when their boat
capsized on Saturday.
Mr Ochido said four of the
shermen swam to safety leav-
ing behind their two colleagues
who could not swim.
The four men managed to
swim to safety after three
hours and we are not sure
where the other two are, he
said. Naivasha police boss
Charles Kortok said they are
seeking for divers to help
search for the duo.
We are currently working
with the locals in searching for
the two missing shermen
whose boat capsized on Satur-
day morning, he said.
Meanwhile, a lorry ferrying
cooking fat was involved in an
accident on the Naivasha-Mai
Mahiu road. Residents of Ki-
hoto estate carted away tens of
litres of the product.
Two shermen missing
after boat capsizes
Nat i onal Wat er Conser vat i on & Pi pel i ne Cor por at i on
Dunga Road, Industrial Area, P.O. Box 30173 - 00100 GPO Nairobi, Kenya Tel +254-020-6531044/6, 556600/1, DL 020- 6531047.
Fax +254-20-531049 Cell +254-750553092 Website: www.nwcpc.go.ke. Email. [email protected]
National Water Conservation & Pipeline Corporation (NWCPC) invites applications for pre-qualication from interested and competent suppliers possessing the
requisite skills, resources and experience for the supply of the under listed goods, works and services for the nancial years 2014/2015 & 2015/2016.
TENDER NOTI CE
PRE-QUALI FI CATI ON OF SUPPLI ERS FOR GOODS, WORKS AND SERVI CES
FOR THE FI NANCI AL YEARS 2014/2015 & 2015/2016 (Jul y, 2014, - June, 2016)
NWCPC TENDER NO. NWC/I FP/001/2014/2015-2016
1. GENERAL PURCHASES CATEGORY
CODE NO: NWCPC/
GP/2014/2015-16
DESCRIPTIONS
NWCPC/GP/001/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF MOTOR VEHICLE
SPARE PARTS
NWCPC/GP/002/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF SPARE PARTS FOR
HEAVY EARTH MOVING EQUIPMENT
NWCPC/GP/003/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF TYRES, TUBES &
BATTERIES
NWCPC/GP/004/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF G.I/UPVC PIPES
& FITTINGS (RESERVED ONLY FOR YOUTH,
WOMEN & PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED GROUPS)
NWCPC/GP/005/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF GENERAL BUILDING
& HARDWARE MATERIALS. (RESERVED
ONLY FOR YOUTH, WOMEN & PHYSICALLY
CHALLENGED GROUPS)
NWCPC/GP/006/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF COMPUTERS,
IPADS, TABLETS, COMPUTER ACCESSORIES/
ACCOMPANIMENTS & SOFTWARE/HARWARE
INSTALLATION
NWCPC/GP/007/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY, DELIVERY AND INSTALLATION OF
COMPUTERIZED SECURITY APPLIANCES
NWCPC/GP/008/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF STAFF UNIFORMS &
PROTECTIVE GEAR
NWCPC/GP/009/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF STEEL & UPVC
CASINGS
NWCPC/GP/010/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF SUBMERSIBLE
PUMPS
NWCPC/GP/011/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF GENERAL OFFICE
EQUIPMENT, FURNITURE & FITTINGS
NWCPC/GP/012/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF FRESH MILK
NWCPC/GP/013/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF DETERGENTS ( CLEANING
MATERIALS (RESERVED ONLY FOR YOUTH, WOMEN
& PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED GROUPS)
NWCPC/GP/014/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF GENERATORS
NWCPC/GP/015/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF SUBMERSIBLE
CABLES & CONTROL PANELS
NWCPC/GP/016/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF PROMOTIONAL
(BRANDED)/ADVERTISING MATERIALS
(RESERVED ONLY FOR YOUTH, WOMEN &
PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED GROUPS)
NWCPC/GP/017/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF WATER TANKS
NWCPC/GP/018/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF FUELS, LUBRICANTS
& OILS
NWCPC/GP/019/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF LIQUID POLYMER &
DRILLING FOAM
NWCPC/GP/020/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF GENERAL OFFICE
STATIONERY (RESERVED ONLY FOR YOUTH,
WOMEN & PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED
GROUPS)
NWCPC/GP/021/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY ANDDELIVERY OF ELECTRICAL
EQUIPMENT AND ACCESSORIES (RESERVED
ONLY FOR YOUTH, WOMEN & PHYSICALLY
CHALLENGED GROUPS)
NWCPC/GP/022/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF MINERAL WATER &
WATER DISPENSERS
NWCPC/GP/023/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF DRILLING TOOLS
& SUBS
NWCPC/GP/024/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF GRAVEL PACK
(RESERVED ONLY FOR YOUTH, WOMEN &
PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED GROUPS)
NWCPC/GP/025/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF FRESH CUT
FLOWERS & FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS
(RESERVED ONLY FOR YOUTH, WOMEN &
PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED GROUPS)
2. GENERAL SERVI CES CATEGORY
CODE NO: NWCPC/
GS/2014/2015-16
DESCRIPTIONS
NWCPC/GS/001/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF GARAGE SERVICES FOR REPAIR
OF HEAVY EARTH MOVING EQUIPMENT &
PLANT
NWCPC/GS/002/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF GARAGES FOR REPAIR OF
MOTOR VEHICLE
NWCPC/GS/003/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND FABRICATION OF BILL BOARDS &
SIGN POSTS
NWCPC/GS/004/2014/2015-16 HIRE OF HEAVY EARTH MOVING MACHINES
NWCPC/GS/005/2014/2015-16 HIRE OF TRANSPORT SERVICE VEHICLES
NWCPC/GS/006/2014/2015-16 HIRE OF GEOPHYSICAL EQUIPMENT
NWCPC/GS/007/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF AIR TRAVEL AGENCY SERVICES
NWCPC/GS/008/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF PRINTING SERVICES
(NEWSLETTERS, BROCHURES, POSTERS,
CALENDARS, DIARIES, ANNUAL REPORTS, XMAS
CARDS & OTHER PUBLICATIONS)
NWCPC/GS/009/2014/2015-16 REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE OF COMPUTER
HARDWARE/SOFTWARE, PRINTERS,
PHOTOCOPIERS & ACCESSORIES
NWCPC/GS/010/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY AND INSTALLATION OF ENGINEERING/
DRAWING SOFTWARE
NWCPC/GS/011/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF SANITATION, GARBAGE
COLLECTION, FUMIGATION & PEST CONTROL
SERVICES
NWCPC/GS/012/2014/2015-16 SUPPLY, MAINTANANCE AND SERVICE OF FIRE
FIGHTING EQUIPMENT
NWCPC/GS/013/2014/2015-16 CONFERENCING FACILITIES AND CATERING
SERVICES (RESERVED ONLY FOR YOUTH,
WOMEN & PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED GROUPS)
NWCPC/GS/014/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF COURIER SERVICES
NWCPC/GS/015/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF INTERNET AND WEB HOSTING
SERVICES
NWCPC/GS/016/2014/2015-16 REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE OF TELEPHONE
FACILITIES SERVICE
NWCPC/GS/017/2014/2015-16 PROVISION AND APPLICATION OF ANTIVIRUS
3. SPECI AL SERVI CES CATEGORY
CODE NO: NWCPC/
SS/2014/2015-16
DESCRIPTIONS
NWCPC/SS/001/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF PENSION ADMINISTRATION AND
MANAGEMENT SERVICES
NWCPC/SS/002/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF SECURITY SERVICES
NWCPC/SS/003/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF LEGAL SERVICES
NWCPC/SS/004/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF MEDICAL INSURANCE COVER
SERVICE
NWCPC/SS/005/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF MOTOR VEHICLE AND HEAVY
PLANT INSURANCE COVER SERVICE
NWCPC/SS/006/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF CORPORATE ASSETS INSURANCE
COVER SERVICE
NWCPC/SS/007/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF GROUP LIFE INSURANCE
SERVICES
NWCPC/SS/008/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF PROPERTY VALUATION
NWCPC/SS/009/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF MOTOR VEHICLE VALUATION
NWCPC/SS/010/2014/2015-16 PROVISION OF AUCTIONEER SERVICES
4. CONSULTANCY SERVI CES CATEGORY
CODE NO: NWCPC/
CS/2014/2015-16
DESCRIPTIONS
NWCPC/CS/001/2014/2015-16 CONSULTANTS FOR CORPORATE
COMMUNICATION & PUBLIC RELATIONS
NWCPC/CS/002/2014/2015-16 CONSULTANTS IN HUMAN RESOURCES
RECRUITMENT AND SELECTION
NWCPC/CS/003/2014/2015-16 CONSULTANTS FOR JOB EVALUATION,
PERFORMANCE ANALYSIS AND CAPACITY
DEVELOPMENT
NWCPC/CS/004/2014/2015-16 CONSULTANTS FOR CUSTOMER SATISFACTION
AND CORRUPTION ERADICATION SURVEYS
NWCPC/CS/005/2014/2015-16 EMPLOYEE SATISFACTION AND WORK
ENVIRONMENT SURVEYS
NWCPC/CS/006/2014/2015-16 CONSULTANTS FOR CHANGE MANAGEMENT
NWCPC/CS/007/2014/2015-16 CONSULTANTS FOR WEB DESIGN, TRAINING
AND DEVELOPMENT OF CORPORATE WEBSITE
SERVICES
NWCPC/CS/008/2014/2015-16 CONSULTANTS FOR TRAINING & INSTITUTIONAL
DEVELOPMENT SERVICES
NWCPC/CS/009/2014/2015-16 CONSULTANTS FOR BASELINE SURVEYS
NWCPC/CS/010/2014/2015-16 CONSULTANTS FOR PROVISION OF GROUND
WATER RELATED SERVICES/BOREHOLE
HYDROGEOLOGICAL SURVEYS
NWCPC/CS/011/2014/2015-16 INDIVIDUAL PROFESSIONAL EXPERTS TO
PROVIDE ENGINEERING SERVICES WHEN
REQUIRED (ALL KINDS OF PROFESSIONS)
NWCPC/CS/012/2014/2015-16 CONSULTING ENGINEERING FIRMS TO CARRY
OUT ENGINEERING SERVICES
NWCPC/CS/013/2014/2015-16 PANEL OF EXPERTS FOR QUALITY ASSURANCE IN
FIELD OF DAM ENGINEERING (DAM EXPERTS)
NWCPC/CS/014/2014/2015-16 CONSULTANTS TO CARRY OUR ENVIRONMENTAL
IMPACT ASSESSMENTS AND AUDITS
(INDIVIDUAL OR FIRM OF EXPERTS)
5. WORKS CATEGORY
CODE NO: NWCPC/
WS/2014/2015-16
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from the Ofce of the Chief Procurement Ofcer only after providing ofcial e-mail
addresses and contact details to the same ofce.
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will be opened immediately thereafter in the Corporation and with the presence of
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NWCPC reserves the right to accept or reject any application either in whole or part
without giving reasons for either rejection or acceptance.
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Ag. MANAGING DIRECTOR
Page 14 / EDITORIALS
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
Give all fair chance in
State appointments
The Standard is printed and published by the proprietors,
THE STANDARD GROUP
Newsdesk: 3222111
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Fax: 2213108
Email: [email protected]
Group Managing Editor (Print): Kipkoech Tanui
Registered at the GPO as a newspaper.
AG should take responsibility for Anglo Leasing payments
WHAT OTHER MEDIA SAY...
N
ever has the transfer of a public servant in
President Uhuru Kenyattas young presiden-
cy attracted so much attention as the
redeployment of Kiplimo Rugut, the immediate
Director-General of the National Youth Service. At a
press conference at State House on Friday, the Presi-
dent acknowledged that changes had been made at the
NYS. Yet despite that, the furore caused by the transfer
has not quietened. Feelings are gaining currency that
the TNA arm of the Jubilee Coalition (which sponsored
Kenyattas bid) is trying to upstage its partner, the URP.
One of the reasons cited is the manner the con-
cerned Cabinet Secretary communicated the changes
and how the changes were defended. In the absence of
communication, all was left to the creative minds to
put a negative construction on the action. No one has
questioned the competence of Dr Nelson Githinji, who
has taken charge, it is his tribe that is being questioned
especially by members of the URP.
In truth, Ruguts deployment has stirred up the
ghost of tribalism that is lurking beneath the surface.
Whether Rugut was pushed or transferred to create
space for a chum, should not be the biggest of con-
cerns now. It is that the move has exposed the folly of
running government on pre-election pacts that often
ignore the complexities of Kenyas tribal contours. Had
the affected officer been a member of the El Molo,
would the uproar have been as loud? Kenya is an
amalgam of 42 tribes, and the Constitution envisages
that appointments to the public service must mirror
the face of Kenya. Most importantly, public service
should be apolitical at all times to ensure fairness and
justice.
The president and his deputy, Mr William Ruto, have
spoken about the need to unite Kenya. They should do
that in word and deed. No one wants to relive the
experiences of the Narc Coalition and the Grand
Coalition where mistrust, suspicion and blame charac-
terised everything at the expense of development.
.stzadzrdmed|z.co.ke
la||||ea ira (||r|ea i| !|e :|irai|a 0|ca( ter||e, Mcm|ii lcia Ni||c|| Ker]i, |] !|e :|irai|a l|a., l.0. 8c\ l0080, Ni||c|| 00l00, Ker]i. :w||c| 8ci|a !e|. llll. li\. l44I, -l8, l8-a. New ue| !e|. lal/I0l,
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7 Pages of SizzIing Sport coverage!
R0 4r|ers frastrate4 at carce||at|cr cf t|e|r ka||] resa|ts .t
Twaha pitches for election on clean image, experience
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|ei| :| |ra|ew !a|| lt l|cm
Mc|c ll |r ir er|e||i|r|r
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:|ia|am ce| ||e wee|era.
:c li|, bcme|c] |ie (|i]ea
l ime ira wcr i|| ||e
mi|c|e, eca||r cl (c|r|.
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||e eccra |i|l cl ||e ime
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cza |ezre Ieea fer free
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(i||erce w||| !ce] 8i||cr ira
|ie clle|ea ||e ccr||ce||i|
m|ale|ae| i l|ee ||irle| ca|
cl ||e c|a|. !|e |rlimca|]
ccm|i||e 8i||cr wi |arre|a(
|r ||e c|e lc| Newci||e lir'
(|i]e| cl ||e ]ei| iwi|a, |a|
(a|||c|] c||||c|ea ||e aec||cr
|c e|| |e] (|i]e| |rc|aa|r
ci(|i|r ira |eia|r cc|e|
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e\(|eea || a|i||lic||cr cr
!w|||e| ira |elaea |c |r i rew
ccr||ic|, (|cm(||r ||e c|a| |c
irrcarce ]e|e|ai] ||i| || wi
(i|||r w||| cre cl ||e le|ce|
ccm(e|||c| |r ||e l|em|e|
leiae.ll l wir|ea |c |eie, l'a
ja| ccme ca| ira i] l wir| |c
|eie' !||r reea iaa|e|r i
im rc| (|e(i|ea |c c |||ca|
i |e|ei||cr ii|r,' |e w|c|e
cr :arai]. !|e 8]ei|c|a
8i||cr |ia i|a |e wca|a mi|e
ir irrcarcemer| |ei|a|r ||
la|a|e cr !w|||e|, |a| ||e c|a|
(|eem(|ea || rew. -A
S You A1 NYAYo: 6er Mahia feIIewers. |lnOO: SlllOlL
ONLLuO/SlNLllL
8y IKMf wKl80l
On Muy 22, Tuskef wefe uI home uguInsI Gof Mu-
hIu, buI InsIeud oI pIuyIng Ihe hxIufe In NuIfobI, de-
cIded Io Iuke Ihe muIch Io MumIus Io uvoId Ihe In-
IImIduIIng 'Gfeen Afmy` us Ihey hunIed Iof muxImum
poInIs Ifom Ihe muIch.
The pIoI dId noI wofk, us Ihe 'Gfeen Afmy` some-
how Iound IIs wuy InIo Ihe MumIus CompIex In u
muIch IhuI ended In u buffen dfuw.
ThIs IIme, Ihe bfewefs huve no opIIon us Ihey
come Iuce-Io-Iuce wIIh Ihe ufmy us Ihe Iwo sIdes
meeI In mIdweek Ieugue cIush uI Nyuyo SIudIum Io-
moffow evenIng.
The hxIufe Is cfucIuI Iof boIh sIdes, whIch seek Io
keep up Ihe chuse on Ieudefs Bungefs.
Gof MuhIu skIppef JefIm Onyungo hud no kInd
Saturday 8arcede
Suuday 8arcede
Saturday 8arcede
Suuday 8arcede
Download free QR Readers from
the web and scan this QR (Quick
Response) code with your smart
phone for pictures, videos and
more stories.
By RODGERS ESHITEMI
and GILBERT WANDERA
Lommel United midelder Johanna Omo-
lo was on target as Harambee Stars secured
a slim 1-0 victory over visiting Comoros in
the rst-leg tie of the 2015 AFCON prelimi-
nary round qualiers at the Nyayo National
Stadium, yesterday.
Stars faithful were on their feet and per-
formed the mexican wave in the 34th minute
when the Belgium-based midelder un-
leashed a thunderous right-footed shot past
the hapless Comoros cus-
todian Mroivili Mah-
moud into the top
left corner of the
Omolos goal condemns
Islanders to loss at Nyayo
CONTINUED ON PAGE 55
STARS PREVAIL
NARROWLY
OVER COMOROS
7 Pages of Sizzling Sports coverage!
Harambee Stars Jamal Moham-
med (left) takes on Comoros
captain Abdou Nadjim during their
2015 Africa Cup of Nations
qualier match at Nyayo yester-
day. [PHOTO: DENNIS OKEYO/
STANDARD]
Monday
Kick Off Your Week
The Perfect Way To
Monday
STANDARD
WITH THE
Pullout Section B Monday, May 19, 2014
Monday
Kick Off Your Week
The Perfect Way To
Monday
STANDARD
WITH THE
Oyunga
Pala:
Who the
hell is
Solange?
P4
husbands & wives
Grown-up men and women, dating or
married, but who still wet the bed, P8-9
Bedwetting
Page 2 / CRAZY MONDAY Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
ODDS AND ENDS
Drunks turn court into
theatre of absurd
Murimi Mwangi reports
about a ticklish incident
that happened in a court
in Nyeri, where drunks
tickled the court with
their funny pleas.
................................Page 3
POLITICALLY
INCORRECT
Is China solution to Af-
ricas problems?
Peter Wanyonyi cautions
African countries to be
very careful as they deal
with China. He warns that
China is in Africa because
of nothing, but resources.
............................Page 6
OFF THE WALL
Dressing smartly when
broke can be costly
Nanjinia Wamuswa re-
ports about an incident in
which a broke man landed
in trouble with crooks, af-
ter his dress code misled
them.
.......................Page 7
FEMINIST
Why marriage is over-
rated nowadays
Anne Muiruri argues that
marriage is no longer
what it used to be, partly
because most men are
not ready for marriage.
.............................Page 10
TEACHERS DIARY
Students nabbed with
contraband
Mwalimu Socrates nar-
rates about naughty stu-
dents in his school who
were found carrying to
school all sorts of things
the school frowns upon.
.............................Page 11
UGANDAN AFFAIRS
M7 on taxation spree
to fund campaign
Grace Nakato reports
about President Museve-
nis plans for re-election.
Page 14
In 1 Minute...
myturn
Group Managing Editor (Print): Kipkoech Tanui
Deputy Managing Editor Daily Editions: Peter Okongo
Revise Editor: Henry Munene
Sub-Editor: Tony Malesi Staff Writer: Silas Nyanchwani
Writers: Ted Malanda, Peter Wanyonyi, Anil Bakari, Ferdinand Mwongela, Anne
Muiruri, Nikko Tanui, Oyunga Pala, Bill Odunga, Tony Masikonde and Mark
Mutahi, Mwalimu Socrates, Hamza Babu
Manager Print Creative : Dan Weloba Creative Designer: Liz Wanjiku
Photography: Tabitha Otwori, Boniface Okendo,
Illustration: Kennedy Kaburu, Michael Munene
E-mail: [email protected]
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All correspondence to Crazy Monday is assumed to be intended for
publication. Crazy Monday accepts no responsibility for unsolicited
manuscripts, artworks or photographs.
All rights on publication remain with the publisher
FOUR OF A KIND: Who said the beautiful ones are not yet born?
www.standardmedia.co.ke
JOIN US ONLINE AT
#SomeoneTellWHO
World Health Organisation is a reputable
body and when they issue a report and
leave out Kenya from the list of the worlds
heaviest drinkers, civil society groups
should stage a few street demos. Kwani
what did the families in Makueni, Kitui,
Kiambu, Embu, and Muranga give as the
cause of the deaths of their kin recently?
Any chance we can solicit the services of the
very efcient Embu MCAs to vet the WHO
leadership, failure to which certain Kenyans
with a lot of time will start a scorecard on
Twiterratti dubbed #SomeoneTellWHO they
are wrong?
Send comments and feedback on
our stories to
[email protected]
and like our Ofcial Crazy Monday
Magazine on Facebook.
To
n
y
M
a
lesi
#SomeoneTellUSA: Our First Lady runs in marathon, theirs can only do this.
W
hen it comes to championing a cause, women beat men hands down.
In their ght against Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), they have made
May 6-12 the International Clitoris Awareness Week. A whole week
dedicated to FGM victims across the world. What a clever way to arouse
interest in men to come and offer a helping hand to the cause! A very
touchy topic it is, this one. By the way, pardon my word play as I write about this
sensitive matter, they are unintentional. Women have fought this FGM menace
by themselves for long, but at least men have now rose to the occasion and are
actively involved in the noble cause.
However, as we push womens agenda, men and the boy child continue to
suffer in silence. Nobody cares about their affairs. Society is decidedly downbeat
about mens problems. Does society really value men? Last week we celebrated
mothers on Mothers Day. Two months ago we celebrated the International Wom-
ens Day. Just the other day, in February, we celebrated St Valentines Day (and if
you thought this day is for both men and women, you need to have your head
examined). This pampering has seen women increasingly become outspoken,
enlightened and, in fact, very radical with the methods they use to push their
agenda. So much so that they now get away with scandalising society as they push
their agenda. We have seen them come up with crazy campaigns, such as call for
sex strikes/boycotts and holding nude protests.
When do we ever celebrate men? Look, we celebrate women in so many other
ways. We have weddings, which is as womans biggest day (and if you are a man
thinking this day belongs to both the bride and groom, clearly you can dream).
There is always more razzmatazz, pomp and colour on womens birthdays. And
any man who has ever forgotten his womans birthday knows too well the wrath
and consequences that comes with such a crime. Did someone just scream, Sex
boycott? In some places, women, allegedly, celebrate Gossip Day (by the way
women allegedly waste ve hours a day gossiping, a new study has revealed). Ev-
ery Wednesday, bars, clubs and restaurants throw a bash just for women. They
call it ladies night!
Underage women are always allowed to patronise nightclubs and bars, where-
as their male counterparts are denied entry. Men really bend over backwards
for women, and some no longer have spines! Women get what they want. For
instance, fashion designers had to dash back to the drawing board and come up
with unisex designs, just to satisfy the desires of women envious of mens clothes
and shoes! Imagine! But do women really appreciate mens sacrices? Look, Fa-
thers Day goes unnoticed. And when it is noticed, its men who still spend cash,
thus most men prefer it passing unnoticed. Not long ago we celebrated The Pink
Ribbon Day and Breast Cancer Month. Well, I am not trying to undermine the
importance of mammary glands; they are very important, we all suckled as babies
(and even as adults, men still go gaga over boobs. Women know this too well and
can bear me witness). How about, in our ght against deadly diseases affecting
men such as prostate cancer, we dedicate even half a day to that very important
male organ, just to give the campaign some momentum?
Meanwhile, Mark Mutahi is back, with a bang! Check him out on page 3. Else-
where, there are husbands and wives who wet their beds, but this has remained a
top secret which we reveal on page 8-9. Check it out.
MEN TOO NEED TO BE EMPOWERED AND CELEBRATED
Quotes
True friends stabyouinthe front.
Oscar Wilde
If music be the foodof love, play on.
WilliamShakespeare
Your most unhappy customers are your greatest
source of learning.
Bill Gates
CRAZY MONDAY / Page 3
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
US, UK plan to replace lethal injection
with Kenyas killer brews for executions
odds&ends/Strange, weird but true tales that happen in Kenya
F
ollowing the dozens of deaths
that occurred after consump-
tion of killer brews, there are
reports that the UK, the US
and other countries in the
west that execute criminal offend-
ers by lethal injections are consid-
ering using the illicit brews made in
Kenya.
This is owing to the fact that the
Kenyan illicit brewers are seen as a
fast, effective and a highly reliable
way of executing offenders com-
pared to chemicals such as sodium
thiopental that are commonly used
in lethal injections.
Samuel Ruskin, the chief lethal
injector of the state of Oklahoma
has hailed this new discovery, term-
ing it a godsend.
QUICK DEATH
For a long time we have been
searching for a solution that would
give a quick death, without stir-
ring controversy from anti-capital
punishment crusaders. You saw
what happened recently after the
untimely death of Clayton Lockett,
following his botched execution.
This is it! Finally we have it, the
Oklahoma chief lethal injector said
at a press conference, where he an-
nounced plans to travel to Kenya to
seek a supplier of the brews.
This is clearly a case of a third
world country doing something
better than us, and at a fraction of
the cost! he added.
Following this unprecedented
move, afro-optimists are already
predicting the beginning of the
transfer of technology from the
third world to the rst world.
With Kenya enjoying a near mo-
nopoly status in the world for its
thriving killer brews industry, it is
expected that if plans to export the
killer brews for use in lethal injec-
tions to the US, UK and countries
such as China, Taiwan, Thailand,
Vietnam and Guatemala succeed,
then the country could easily be-
come the top exporting nation of
killer brews!
This is also helped by the fact
that countries like the US cannot
procure the chemicals used such
as sodium thiopental from Europe,
which is the traditional source be-
cause exports from the European
Union of the particular product
have been banned.
Luckily for Kenya, the African
Union has not placed a ban on ex-
port of illicit brews. And even if it
had, theres always an ofcial ready
to be bribed to look the other way.
With such prospects, policy mak-
ers at the National Treasury will be
toasting to this good fortune be-
cause the countrys export base will
have been diversied overnight.
For the drinkers of the killer brews
it is something to mourn about since
they will now have to contend with
competition. With more prestigious
and protable markets having been
identied, they wont be a lucrative
market anymore and they will have
to nd other ways of dying.
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
Besides jurisdictions that still
practise capital punishment, the
killer brews have attracted the atten-
tion of evil stepmothers all over the
world who are contemplating poi-
soning the stepchildren they hate.
I always have rat poison in my
house for the day I will want to dis-
patch my stepchildren to the next
world, confessed one evil step
mom. But seeing how quick and ef-
fective and reliable the killer brew is
compared to rat poison, Ill be stock-
ing some right away. Rat poison is so
yesterday! she scoffed.
Evil Kenyan stepmothers cite the
relatively cheaper price of the killer
brews as opposed to rat poison as
another pull factor besides the effec-
tivess and reliability of the drinks.
Due to the high cost of living we
deserve to the cheapest method of
getting rid of our stepchildren per-
manently available to us, one of
them was quoted as saying.
By MURIMI MWANGI
D
runkards are an interesting
lot. They are at times funnier
than your average Kenyan
comedian if the theatrics a
bunch of them brought to a
Nyeri court a week ago is anything
to go by.
A group of 85 men had been ar-
raigned in court and charged with
being drunk and disorderly. That
some of them were still in a drunken
stupor made the courtroom literally
turn into a theatre of the absurd.
Interestingly, a mtungi (pot) full
of a frothy brew, which was still fer-
menting and from which some of
the suspects never moved their eyes,
was produced in court as exhibit.
Drama began when the court
clerk started explaining to them why
they had been arraigned in court.
Mlipatikana mkipiga kelele na
kutembea kwa mwendo wa kuyum-
bayumba (You were caught drunk
and disorderly), he told them.
In unison, the drunkards pleaded
guilty to the charges, and that was
when the comedy began. Each one
of them was given an opportunity to
Drama as drunkards turn court into theatre of the absurd
explain why they were disturbing
peace and why they should not be
charged.
First on the line was a particu-
larly witty individual who asked
the court to free him because his
youngest daughter was pregnant.
He told the magistrate that he is
the sole breadwinner of his family
including the foetus in his 17-year-
old daughters womb.
Huyo musichana alikuwa
ametoroka, lakini kurudi alikuja na
mimba (My daughter had run away
from home, only to return with a
pregnancy, said the man, arous-
ing a merry round of laughter in the
packed courtroom.
LAST SIP
The next drunk told the court
he was in the process of quitting
alcohol and, in fact, he was on his
last day when the police ambushed
the den and arrested him on his last
sip.
He said he had resolved to quit
alcohol after he recently witnessed,
booze warriors succumb to illicit
liquor in different parts of the coun-
try. For the 10 years I have been
drinking, I have never been arrested
by police. This was in fact bad luck
to me because I was in the process
of quitting alcohol when they came.
They just caught me on my last sip,
he repeated.
And before the tickled court-
room could recover from outbursts
and ramblings, one of his partners
in crime, perhaps not to be outdone,
took the comedy a notch higher.
In his defence, he told the magis-
trate he never takes alcohol but had
turned to it after the scotching sun
on that day burned his head, dis-
organising his thinking, moving and
seeing faculties.
The sun had burned my head,
thus I couldnt do things properly.
That is why I turned to alcohol, but
I swear here today, I will never drink
again, he pleaded.
But the showstopper was an el-
derly man who tickled those in at-
tendance. After pleading guilty to
the charges, told the magistrate that
even before slapping him with any
amount of bail, he should be re-
leased to go and look for more mon-
ey to bail himself out because all he
had in his pocket was Sh100!
Nii ndiro na igana rimwe. Ona
kaba mwambe mundekererie ndie
ngethe icio ingi (All I have is Sh100.
If you can, please free me so that I
can go get you the rest if the ne ex-
ceeds that) he begged, rather emo-
tionally. Interestingly, the magistrate
heard his plea, and only ned him
Sh100!
wackyleaks/WITH MARK MUTAHI
Page 4 / CRAZY MONDAY Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
thesecrazykenyans/OYUNGA PALA FINDS THE HUMAN IN THE KENYAN
part of our cultural functions and
a social lubricant. Put a bunch of
guys in a room and conversation
will be stied. Throw a round of
drinks and you will be amazed
how open the men become.
Alcohol encourages camara-
derie and bonding, all essential
components of a mans life. Alco-
hol is associated with patriotism
and a national beer is a power-
ful symbol. Lately, a leading
corporation mobilised a team
of celebrities in a game show to
transport a bottle of beer to one
Who lied men are drunks because
they cannot handle strong women?
A
peculiar story emerged,
amidst everything else
that was trending in the
headline local news. Cel-
ebrated, mega rich, US
rapper Jay Z was the subject of
domestic beef.
A woman named Solange
tried to rough him up in front of
his wife and everyone wanted to
know what he did to tick her off.
Jay Z and his superstar wife Be-
yonce are regular frontline ce-
lebrity news staples. Surprising-
ly, I had never heard of Solange
Knowles, whose claim to fame is
being Beyonces younger sister.
The name seemed suited to
a liniment brand with natural
herbal ingredients that provide
quick penetrating heat and safe
and effective relief for muscle
Who the hell is Solange?
I
nspector General of Police
David Kimaiyo set Kenyans
on twitter (#KOT) off in a
tweef. The breaking news
announced an order to im-
pound all vehicles with tinted
windows.
The reactions were fast and
furious. The hashtag #tinted-
windows became a trending top-
ic and Kimaiyo felt the full wrath
of the Kenyan middle class who
are acutely aware of their rights.
People questioned how the in-
vasion of privacy would aid in
the ght against terror and the
absurdity was punned.
The lawyers retrieved the ex-
act clauses from the Trafc Act
and pointed out evidence of the
illegality of the directive. Court
injunctions were about to en-
sue, when word went around
that only public service vehicles
with tinted windows were to be
impounded as part of the war on
terror.
Suddenly, the directive had
some merit. Public service ve-
hicles make easy targets for ter-
ror acts. They ought to suffer the
consequences of not complying
with the law irrespective of the
inconvenience to the otherwise
law-abiding vehicle owners.
Social media has become the
new Tahrir square of Kenyas
R
ecently, scores of men
from around the coun-
try died. The cause of the
deaths was alcoholic poi-
soning. By the end of the
week, the body count had built
up to almost 100.
They were mostly faceless
rural dwellers or the urban un-
derclass whose misfortune only
caught the national attention
for a brief moment. They were
forgotten in under a week. The
death of 100 women in one blow
would have traumatised the
country.
NATIONAL PSYCHE
The whole incident is some-
what representative of how
worthless some mens lives have
become in the national psyche.
The prevailing stereotype is one
of a bunch of layabouts, who
probably abuse their wives, mo-
lest their children and harass
everyone else in between. Poor
bastards. They had it coming.
Every village in this coun-
try has its version of a hopeless
drunk and a tale of their lost
cause. That is the established
narrative of lower class alcohol-
ics. We have somehow reduced
the complexity of Kenyas drink-
ing culture to a single story.
Of tinted windows and a tale of two cities
Their roles had diminished and
their sense of inadequacy had
driven them to drink. Coupled
with economic hardships, the
desperation to drink turned
them into mindless consumers
who would drink anything for
quick and cheap high.
It is a lot easier to blame the
victim than grapple with the
problems that put them in this
self-defeatist position. Why is it
difcult to fathom that Kenyan
men drink, because they enjoy
alcohol. Drinking is an integral
Drunkards are tolerated and
prayed for. That these alcohol
ravaged men could be cau-
salities of an intricate industry
beyond their comprehension,
never arises.
Social experts tried to make
sense of the tragedy. These
alcohol-related deaths were a
clear indicator of the mascu-
linity crisis, someone offered.
It was stated that Kenyan men
felt intimidated by the strong,
independent, smart and well
educated women in their lives.
middle class. Issues that are per-
tinent to their welfare are tack-
led passionately. Those that do
not directly affect their comfort
zone get a eeting mention, of-
ten only good for the puns it can
generate.
As a result the social conversa-
tion, at least in the mainstream
media, is dominated by middle
class issues. Many sections of
Kenyas population have really
no voice in the media. They ap-
pear as helpless, unidentied
victims of the prime time news
and joint pain.
The elevator scufe generat-
ed a lot of news and was covered
widely by an array of American
Internet sites.
I am always fascinated by US
celebrity obsession and the en-
ergy dedicated to track every
minute detail of their lives. The
fame they enjoy is less about
their accomplishments and
successes but more about expo-
sure.
Hanging around famous peo-
ple is also a valid claim to fame.
Children who grow up consum-
ing and internalising this stream
of celebrity trivia will end up
turning nobodies like Solange
into golden calves worthy of
reverence. That is sad.
of Kenyas top sportsmen living
abroad. Alcohol in this case, was
the unifying character of healthy
national values.
I suppose we forget that alco-
hol is a government-controlled
drug that is peddled without a
warning label. Most of the re-
strictions around its sale and
consumption are designed to
protect the prots of the manu-
facturers and the regulators.
Since the populace is pretty
much addicted to it, the manu-
facturers and the regulators
ought to educate people on how
to use their products.
It is not enough to preach
responsible drinking. Citizens
have to be taught to partake al-
cohol in the same way men were
taught how to wear a condom
using wooden models in AIDS
prevention campaigns. This
product induces feelings of eu-
phoria, relaxation and happiness
at the rate of a bottle an hour.
Anything beyond this measure
could result in impaired think-
ing and vomiting...
Rehabilitation is a privilege of
the upper class. The rest have to
man up and learn to hold their
drink or slide down the slippery
slope of alcohol addiction and
destruction.
orgy, proled by their ethnic-
ity, religion and lower social sta-
tions.
They suffer the brunt of im-
pulsive government directives
and have learnt to cower in si-
lence.
The middle and upper classes
do not run into the same obsta-
cles as the low income earners
and the frustrations that sepa-
rate them from the lower classes
are generally invisible to them.
Twitter: @realoyungapala
Website: oyungapala.com
CRAZY MONDAY / Page 5
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
Ted Malanda draws on the wisdom of his royal Wanga
ancestors to try and understand a world gone mad
lifesacircus
walkwithme...
R
ecently, the Nairobi Coun-
ty Government placed
an ad in the newspapers
inviting city residents to
turn up and discuss the
countys budget proposals for
the next nancial year.
I read the advert and laughed.
Are these people out of their
freaking minds? That very same
day, Nairobi Senator Mike Sonko
said he would not turn up to
rubberstamp a awed budget.
Never mind that if the bud-
get was indeed awed, that
was precisely the reason Sonko
needed to turn up and tear it
to shreds because he has been
blasting the Governor left, right
and centre over it.
Of course Sonko is an as-
tute businessman, a man who
knows the innards of the nan-
cial world, budgeting and stuff. I
imagine he should have arrived
with a briefcase stuffed with les
and proceeded to make an eru-
dite presentation exposing the
county government for what he
claims it is a den of thieves and
incompetents.
ZOMBIE VOTERS
Well, he chose to stay away
and you can bet he will be pon-
ticating about the subject here
and there everywhere actually,
apart from where the actual pro-
cess of determining the county
budget is going on. Such is life.
Besides, as a rule, MCAs
dont inspire a lot of condence
among Kenyans and the bunch
in Nairobi is no exception. The
thought that it is them who de-
termine the expenditure of a
Sh7 billion budget is so funny!
Let me put it differently. Ke-
nya Wildlife Service probably
has a similar budget. Do you see
anyone in their right senses al-
lowing the MCAs of this world
anywhere near the KWS board-
room to discuss how that money
should be spent?
As a matter of fact, if the posi-
tions of Nairobi MCA were to be
advertised and lled competi-
tively through interviews and
not by zombie voters, I would
be pleasantly surprised if 10 per
cent of the current lot made the
Democracy only delivers hot air
cut. In any case, it is a safe bet
that only a handful of Nairobi-
ans, if any at all, turned up to
hear their budget discussed.
I mean, would you imagine
what would transpire if I told my
boss that I intended to miss work
to go listen to county budget
readings or something? I would
bloody get red! Here is the deal.
Democracy is a sick joke because
it assumes that we, the elector-
ate, have the brains to make de-
cisions that are in our best inter-
ests, and the time to participate.
What bull crap!
The average voter has prob-
lems deciding whether to walk
around exposing his or her un-
A certain policeman found himself on the wrong end of the
OB desk and has seen buddies scamper in all directions when
the proverbial s**t hit the fan. Hardly the case when a certain
Armenian sibling tag team took over certain airport premises
that are closed to selected rightly honourable gentlemen. But
in the US, a certain John Beale took the Nema of that country
by storm when he posed as a CIA ofcer for quite some time.
For his trouble, he made away with $900,000. Wow! This
impostor business must be quite rewarding, dont you think?
This year alone, our Presidents passport has been stamped so many
times that he might get some outt land him the globe-trotting
president of the year award. But he is not so lucky, I can assure you.
Airline food is nothing to write home about; Airports the world over
have the same drab atmosphere about them. The only saving grace
is that he does not have to keep removing his belt and shoes at every
entry and exit point. He also does not have to pass his i-pad, i-pod
and laptop through security in a separate tray at security. And you
complain when all the tout is asking for is your National ID. Get a life,
folks.
Last week there was a massive security operation that was
culmination of several months of a crackdown on immigrants
to the US of A. US Immigration and Customs Enforcement
(ICE) agents alongside local authorities from 179 cities
arrested 638 suspected criminals with gangland ties. The
operation nicknamed Project Southbound is the most
recent by the Department of Homeland Security to tackle
gang violence across America. Hear this: They arrested
suspects and associates from 175 different gangs, including
South California--domiciled Sureos gang, also known as Sur
13, that is growing faster than any other gang in Obamaland
and has an estimated membership of 30,000! Their choice
of occupation is murder, extortion of businesses in their
neighbourhoods, narcotics and human trafcking. And you
though Operation Usalama Watch, Operation Linda Nchi and
Mungiki were a Kenyan aberration!
Ellen Goodman says: Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you
buy for work and driving through trafc in a car that you are still
paying for in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes
and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford
to live in it. This is middle-class normal. Then there is the other police
normal where some chaps break into your house, knock in a few
skulls of the housemates, clean out what little food they can nd and
cart away your prized stereo and at-screen TV, two weeks to World
Cup 2014. Then some cop comes and says it is a normal crime and that
his ofcers will leave no stone unturned to bring the culprits to book.
What kind of society have we degenerated into? Did I hear someone
say Bring back the Chiefs Act? Yes The Ayes Have It.
And Finally
Hehehe! And this has nothing to do with the very successful
visit to Kenya last week by the Chinese Prime Minister. But I
nd that this World Bank is another one. Imagine that instead
of sitting around a dimly-lit room, wearing dark suits and
smoking cigars, plotting who to lend money to next, they
have recently authored a report saying China could overtake
the US as the worlds biggest economy this very year. What
they should worry about is how a State-run, socialist-
economic model can have powered past an industrialised
Western powerhouse. Will business schools start studying
how the leaders in Beijing managed the humongous reform
programme to turn a state-led economy into a world-
beating market-oriented one with signicant private sector
participation? Folks, start re-writing the curriculum. Here is
some unsolicited advice to Mr Uhuru Kenyatta: No one will
remember what the size of Kenyas economy was when Kibaki
handed you that sword of powerplay. They will only demand
to know what you did with the economy. Capische?
derwear or not.
And you expect us to know the
right leader based on lies printed
on a shiny campaign poster? You
expect a busy makanga or doc-
tor to stop working and go to a
political rally?
Look, Safaricom just made
a Sh23 billion prot because it
hires the best talent in the mar-
ket (and because you guys spend
the whole night sexting).
Now, if Safcom began electing
managers today, in six months
at, there would be rats in its
headquarters building, the place
would be stinking of raw sewage
and the company would be at
broke.
Yours Truly
M
y grand mother, Rhoda,
was convinced that my
mother was a pretty
daft woman. How else,
she mused, would one
explain the folly of having all
manner of riffraff sit on the new
sofa that my parents had just ac-
quired through a hire purchase
scheme?
If I were you, she told my
mother, I would keep these
new, nice seats in the store and
only remove them when proper
guests, people like the church
vicar come.
Born again since her maiden
days, she was among the earliest
converts to the Christian faith.
In fact, she got baptised at
a time when religious zeal-
ots singed wooden chairs with
ames while humming Tuku-
tendereza Yesu (Praise the Lord)
to cleanse them of madimoni
(devil) when sinners, mostly
drunkards, had used them.
Incredibly, hers was an inter-
Here is perhaps why your colleagues hate you
esting case of illiteracy. While she
couldnt write, she could read.
Only the Bible, though. Show her
any other written word and it
was pure Greek. I was an idiot, I
tell you! I couldnt understand a
single thing in school. Youd bet-
ter take after your grandfather.
If you inherit my brains, you are
doomed! she loved to say, with
a chuckle.
So picture my shock when
she once made an impromptu
visit to my Standard Four class.
Actually, she just walked to the
doorway, ignored the teacher
and beckoned me out.
RECKLESS ENTHUSIASM
Obviously she had no idea that
the teacher in question was nick-
named on account of his reck-
less enthusiasm with the cane.
But for once, the fox seemed to
have met his match. He waved
me out when she beckoned once
more, this time urgently.
I hear you have been topping
your class ovyo ovyo (just like
that), she rasped. Your grand-
father has been boasting about
it when drunk, and neighbours
are not happy. You must be very
careful, that might land you in
trouble.
Even if you know all the an-
swers, get some wrong. People
hate it when you vanquish them
all the time!
All you clever people now
know why everyone at work
hates your guts.
Page 6 / CRAZY MONDAY Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
politicallyincorrect/ A skewed look at the political scene
By PETER WANYONYI
I
n Africa, you are nothing
without parents. It is not
an economic requirement,
since everyone can pretty
much survive in Africas lush
forests without too much of a
problem, even all alone.
It is a social thing. Wherever
the African goes in his native
land, the rst question is always,
whose child are you? We scru-
tinise parenthood and lineage
with an obsessive compulsion
that is almost pathological.
We have even elevated lin-
eage, real or imagined, into a
criteria for access to power and
jobs. Tribe, which is in fact just
an assumed ethnic lineage, is
how we run things over here.
Even countries need parents,
and in Africa, your father is ev-
erything.
Mum is never the real boss in
Africa, where it is much more
perilous to lack a father than it
is to lack a mother despite the
reality that the opposite should
in fact be the case.
TOUGH FATHER
Back when there were two
competing political ideas in the
world, Africa sat pretty. We could
turn to our tough father, the
West, for money and security.
If dad looked like getting a
little harsh, we could always run
to mum in the East for under-
standing, pecks and hugs. There
is no one as spoilt as a child
with a rich father and a doting
mother, and our dictators grew
fat on the fawning attentions of
the East and the heavy wallets of
the West.
But nothing lasts forever. The
Easts idea, communism in one
form or the other, died a natural
death. African states were left
dazed, as would anyone whose
mother suddenly passed away.
Africa was left in the hands of
The president went to
China a few months back and
brought us great news. The
Chinese, he told us, had signed
up an agreement to fund our
brand new railway. This is
probably the agship project
of this government, and the
one thing that enjoys support
across the country regardless
of political afliation. Good
job, Mr President. However,
when the Chinese Premier was
in Kenya a week ago, we were
told he signed the very same
railway nancing deal.
Its probably pedantry,
but if this is true, then
what did the president
sign with the Chinese
when he went there
earlier?
its tough father. Traumatised by
the bereavement, our father ne-
glected us for a while, and then
chose to bring us a new mother
in the form of China.
Step-mothers are beings
straight from hell, as any step-
child will freely confess.
And it is even worse when
your father then runs away from
home, leaving you in the hands
of a step-mother who doesnt
care if you live or die, so long as
you continue supplying free la-
How about exchange programme to check
gender imbalance in Kenya and China?
more people than all of Kenya.
And, we hear, China has serious
gender imbalance apparently,
for every 10 boys born in China,
a mere 7 or so girls are born.
In Kenya, there is something
of the opposite: for every eligible
bachelor, there are three or four
single women available, none of
whom wants anything to do with
that poor wife-hunting slob.
This, clearly, is a disaster in
the making for the Chinese. If we
hope to continue to enjoy Chinas
largesse, we must help them ad-
dress this serious imbalance.
Government should, there-
fore, immediately set up a Min-
istry of Gender Exchange, whose
job will be to receive and process
applications from single Kenyan
women not just for willing to get
jobs but also get married to Chi-
nese men in China.
And then who knows? With
Kenyans well-known love for
politics, and the Chinese sense
of collective purpose and habit
of staying under the radar, we
might end having many Chinese
Kenyans running for political
posts in China.
Who knows, maybe China
will be a superpower with a Ke-
nyan Chinese at the helm, who
will give Kenya loans and later
write them off as bad debts!
Will Africa look back to its dalliance
with East and regret, or celebrate?
p
u
n
c
h
l
i
n
e
T
he clever people who
crunch the numbers say
that the Chinese are giv-
ing us a raw deal. One
authority calculates that
for every shilling China gives
Kenya, we give them 48 shillings
back plus a few elephant tusks
and rhino horns, or so it seems.
Villagers do not need to be told
when a relationship is lopsided,
and ours with China certainly is.
But who says it has to remain
so? All the pretenses aside, the
Chinese are in Kenya for one
reason, and one reason only:
resources. They want to
transport minerals from
Congo to Mombasa and
thence to China, and to
suck in as much oil as they
can from Kenya and Ugan-
da.
Maybe we should let them
suck out more than just oil. Chi-
na has towns and cities that have
bour in the elds so she can feed
her own kids on the crops you
farm.
The porridge she grudgingly
feeds you in the morning is just
enough to keep you alive to
work, even as you grow thinner
and thinner.
CORRUPT WAYS
To Africa, China is the new
mother and father rolled into
one. The West perhaps exas-
perated at our unwillingness to
change our corrupt ways, or per-
haps too concerned at its own
decline and therefore turning
inward to sort out problems at
home is not interested.
When a family faces this pre-
dicament, it is down to the older
children to ensure that their sib-
lings are not strangled in their
sleep by the step-mother.
Our older siblings, the elite
young people that rule and
misrule Africa as presidents
and prime ministers, say that
they have our interests at heart
in their dalliance with China.
But you get the feeling that
this is only half the truth, if at all.
Half a century from now, will the
African look back at this new dal-
liance with China regretfully, or
with pride at a job well done?
African villagers say the grass
is not always greener on the oth-
er side. Be watchful and careful,
Africa!
CRAZY MONDAY / Page 7
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
By NANJINIA WAMUSWA
A
s hard economic times
continue to bite, thieves
now target smartly
dressed people who look
like they have money.
However, not all smartly dressed
people are rich. Or as the adage
goes, not all that glitters is gold.
Be warned! It is increasingly
becoming risky business to look
smart without a penny on you.
This is a lesson a man only iden-
tied as Paul recently learned
the hard way. It all began when
a leading bank in Nairobi ad-
vertised a job. Paul applied and
was among those shortlisted for
the interview. Thank God, this
could be my time to get job. I
have frequented numerous of-
ces for two years now without
success, he had celebrated as he
waited for the interview.
Seeing as the job was relative-
ly prestigious, Paul had to look
the part during the interview.
And since he understands rst
impression really matters, he did
what most Kenyans always do.
He borrowed a well-pressed Ital-
ian suit, an expensive-looking
Broke man pays heavily
after his borrowed
clothes attract thugs
pair of shoes and an elegant
wristwatch from friends to wear
during interview. Dressed to kill
on the interview day, Paul took a
matatu with only Sh100 on him.
After the interview, and see-
ing as he had given his best dur-
ing the interview, Paul swaggered
out of the place a shinny brief-
case that contained his docu-
ments dangling in his hand.
RECKLESS COURAGE
Unfortunately for him, his
reckless courage and amboy-
ance made three crooks who
had laid a trap outside the bank
confuse him for a rich man. They
began stalking him, thinking he
had withdrawn loads of money
from the bank.
They followed him to Rail-
ways bus stop where he boarded
a matatu to his home.
He got into the matatu and
the miscreants too entered, and
strategically positioned them-
selves, with one sat next to the
driver. The matatu left a few min-
utes later, and along Ngong Road
the crooks whipped out their pis-
tols and ordered everyone to sur-
render their belongings to one of
the thugs who was going round
ransacking commuters and col-
lecting valuables.
His turn to surrender came
and Paul gave out a cheap mo-
bile phone and a Sh20 coin.
The thieves looked at him
and told him to stop joking. They
ordered him to give them all the
money he had withdrawn from
the bank.
Give us all the money you
withdrew from the bank. You
think we havent seen you with-
draw money? We were not born
yesterday, kijana? one of them
barked.
He replied that he had gone
for interview and the only money
he had on him was twenty shil-
lings coin. One of them pointed
pistol at him saying he would
blow off his head if he failed to
produce the money. Toa pesa
bwana another one kept yell-
ing, as he punched him in the
ribs.
They rained heavy blows on
him. His desperate attempts to
quickly turn his pockets inside
out and wide open the brief case
didnt help much.
After frisking him and con-
cluding he had no money, the
thieves warned, You idiot, next
time you know you have no
money, do not dress like that!
They slapped him several
times and one of them admon-
ished him, You made us trail you
all the way from town to here,
only to nd you have no money.
You have wasted our time.
They then ordered the driver
to drive the vehicle to Uthiru
shopping centre where they
alighted and disappeared into
the busy shopping centre.
offthewall/Strange, weird but true tales that happen in Kenya
By PKEMOI NGENOH
A
21-year-old man at a vil-
lage in Kericho County
is still recuperating at
home after his desper-
ate attempts to deworm
and build muscles early last week
turned tragic. It emerged that he
had a attempted to deworm us-
ing an anthelmintic meant for
livestock.
The rather comical but sad
incident left villagers dumb-
founded, considering that the
victim, by village standards, is
an accomplished academic with
a relatively high level of educa-
tion who is deemed to be no-
bodys fool.
BOUNCER JOB
Tommy is a Form Four gradu-
ate who had been hunting for
a job. One of his friends who
witnessed the incident told this
writer that Tommy had been
planning to travel to Nairobi,
where one of his relatives had
promised to get him a job as a
bouncer at a nightclub.
And one very vital qualica-
tion he had been asked to arm
himself with to pass the inter-
view was, er, well, muscles! Be-
ing a skinny bag of bones, a
friend had given him a couple of
tips and pointers on how to gain
muscles. The rst important tip
to build muscles, among many
others he had been given, was to
deworm, so as to boost his appe-
tite for food.
This was necessary so as to
ensure that all the food he ate
did not go to waste (read, eaten
by worms), but instead help him
build muscles.
He told me one of his un-
cles had promised him a job as
bouncer in Nairobi. He said he
wanted to deworm and eat more
to gain weight and build mus-
cles, since he only weighed 57
kilograms, his friend told Crazy
Monday.
By sheer coincidence, his fa-
ther who is a truck driver had
bought several deworming pel-
lets for his calves, which Tommy
instead used to deworm himself!
One of his younger brothers
conrmed that Tommy had in-
Mans desperate bid to build muscles turns tragic
deed taken the deworming tab-
lets.
He was happy that he was -
nally going to succeed in putting
on weight and possibly become
a tough, built bouncer in the city
after swallowing the tablets. He
told me he once heard from a
friend that the deworming tab-
lets work well on human being
too, narrated his brother.
Hours later his younger
brother, who had gone for a bath
at the nearby river, came back
and found Tommy rolling on the
ground, groaning as he writhed
in pain.
I found him crying as he
rolled on the ground holding his
stomach. Beads of sweat were
also trickling down his face.
Without wasting time, I raised an
alarm, says his brother.
FIRST AID
Family members and neigh-
bours arrived and administered
rst aid to him. They gave him
a mixture of raw quail eggs and
milk to neutralise the pain. Sur-
prisingly, the remedy worked. He
was later taken to nearby dispen-
sary where he was given further
medical attention.
The incident left parents and
locals astonished, wondering
how an educated young man
used tablets meant for animals
to deworm himself.
Immediately, an argument for
and against the 8-4-4 education
system ensued with some of the
villagers castigating Tommy for
being an educated fool.
I wonder what they teach
nowadays in schools, how can
such an educated man do such
a silly thing? wondered one old
man.
Page 8 / CRAZY MONDAY Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
thisstrangeworld
Revealed: Shocking tale of bedwetting spouses
S
hock on you if you
thought bedwetting is
a preserve of children.
A peek into some Ke-
nyan bedrooms will surprise
you. Some grown-ups who sleep
like babies or rocks (nothing
wakes them up), whenever they
drink too much tea, coffee or al-
cohol before going to bed, actu-
ally wet their beds!
Boyfriends and girlfriends
have dumped each other over
bedwetting. Some adults who
wet their beds play safe, only for
their partners to discover they do
so much later in marriage, when
it is too little too late; after the
dowry has been paid and they
have brought forth children.
In some cases, things get
ugly, forcing their spouses to put
in place strange coping mecha-
nisms. Some sleep in separate
beds, others have invested in
mackintosh (waterproof ) mat-
tress covers, others are forced
to put on diapers by their boy-
friends/girlfriends and spouses,
and some men have even mar-
ried second wives, after discov-
ering their rst wives wet their
beds.
TOP SECRET
Bedwetting among adults
is a top secret that is discussed
in hushed tones or better still,
never revealed. Some spouses
die keeping this secret. It is a se-
cret guarded by all means neces-
sary. For instance, a whacky tale
is told of a child who confronted
her bedwetting parent, after she
got fed up with her mother using
her as a scapegoat while airing
the bedding.
It was very common to hear
her mother, in a bid to avoid
suspicion, loudly complain to
all and sundry about how fed up
she was with her kid who always
wet her bed.
Huyu mtoto amenichokesha
kila siku kukojoa kwa kitanda.
Hata asipokunywa chai usiku
lazima akojoe, the mother was
once overheard shouting, as she
aired the bedding, which had
huge dark maps of urine stains.
Mummy mimi sijasusu leo,
ni wewe, unakiria sijui? (I did
not wet the bed. It is you who
did. You think I dont know? the
child innocently replied, rather
loudly, of course at the chagrin
of her squirming mother who
yelled at her to shut up. Mean-
while, neighbours were in stitch-
es, as they desperately cupped
their mouths with their hands in
embarrassment.
It later emerged that it was
her husband who used to wet
the bed.
Yet another story is told of a
grown-up man who used to wet
his bed and his wife had kept it
as a top secret, until he met his
waterloo while sharing bed-
ding at night with fellow men
at a function. The incident hap-
pened during an initiation cer-
emony some time back in west-
ern Kenya.
The rst-born son to the cou-
ple had gone for a circumcision
ceremony. And since the mans
traditions required to join the
village elders for the mandatory
age-set get-together ceremony
before the end of the initiation,
there was no way he could skip
it. At the ceremony, they ate and
drank to their ll.
REQUESTED ANONYMITY
At night, the man was reluc-
tant to sleep, seeing as they were
to share bedding with fellow
men. But when he did, his fellow
old men woke up the following
morning soaked in urine.
This, of course, was a scandal.
When asked why he had caused
such an embarrassment, he
quickly apologised, claiming he
had not done so to annoy fellow
elders. He said it was a once-in-
a-while problem he had, when-
ever he over indulged in drinks
before bedtime.
He regretted it happened
on such a special day. He even
claimed his wife would attest
to the fact that he occasionally
used to wet the bed. The elders
summoned his wife and she in-
deed conrmed the man had
been wetting the bed once in
a while. She said it was a secret
they had been keeping. Other
than being banished from his
age set, the man was ned sev-
eral bags of millet and a whole
herd of sheep.
ON HONEYMOON
Elsewhere, a renowned jour-
nalist who requested anonymity
told this writer he has a 42-year-
old female cousin who still wets
her matrimonial bed. He re-
vealed that her husband, during
their honeymoon, beat up the
woman. But why would a couple
that just had a big church wed-
ding ght while on their honey-
moon?
It is said she peed in bed
on the rst night she
spent with her husband.
Her husband got so an-
gry that he slapped her
severally. On the second
night, she did it again
and it was a full-blown
war. The man was angry
because the woman had
never told him she had
a bedwetting problem,
says the journalist.
Apparently, the wom-
an was a virgin who
had never shared a bed
with her man. And the
man had no prior
knowledge of her
bedwet t i ng.
She went
seeki ng
Contrary to popular belief that
bedwetting is a preserve of children,
some grown-ups in relationships and
marriages wet their matrimonial bed,
writes DAVID ODONGO
CRAZY MONDAY / Page 9
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
thisstrangeworld
Revealed: Shocking tale of bedwetting spouses
The couple has now been married
for more than twenty years. But the
man, insisting he had to sleep in a
dry bed, married a second wife.
medical attention and besides
treatment, she was told she must
cut on her intake of uids before
going to bed. She also had to
regularly empty her bladder at
night.
The couple has now been
married for more than twenty
years. But the man, insisting he
had to sleep in a dry bed, mar-
ried a second wife.
Trevor Omondi is a single
man. He lives in Rongai and has
a well-paying job. He recounted
to Crazy Monday the shock he
went through when he picked a
woman from a club and took her
to his house.
I had been chatting with her
on Facebook for a few days, and
we agreed to meet over drinks to
know each other better. We met
at a club in Rongai, he says. At
the pub, after a few drinks
with the woman, and in
the spirit of knowing
each other better,
they decided
to go to Trevors house.
After knowing each other,
the two slept and, as Trevor re-
ports, the night went on well.
But when Trevor woke up very
early in the morning, intending
to know the woman much bet-
ter, he was shocked. There was
no glory that morning only
shame. When Trevor moved
next to her, he felt a large wet
spot on the mattress.
WET SPOT
I cautiously placed my hand
on the wet spot and lifted the
bedsheets to my nose. What hit
my nostrils was the unmistak-
able stench of urine that had
fermented the whole night in
my mattress. A wave of nausea
hit me, and I jumped out
of bed, says Trevor. Ap-
parently, the woman had
drunk too much beer and
could neither control her
bladder nor stagger to the
toilet when the urge to pee
hit her. She slept like a log.
I went to the shower
and washed myself clean.
Then I came back to the
bedroom and poked her us-
ing an umbrella. She woke
up, looked around and
when she saw me standing
there with a towel wrapped
around my waist, a huge
smile came upon her face.
I pointed at the wet spot in
my mattress and the smile
vanished from her face
instantly, complains
Trevor.
He then dressed up
without saying a word to the em-
barrassed woman.
I left the house, and left the
watchman at the gate to our
court with strict instructions not
to let the woman in my house
leave carrying anything apart
from her bag, recalls Trevor. He
drove to his brothers place in
Fedha estate and stayed there
the whole day, until the watch-
man sent him a text message
saying the woman had left.
When I went back to my
house later in the evening, the
woman had washed my sheets
and duvet and left them hanging
in the clothesline.
NEW MATTRESS
My mattress was also propped
against the kitchen balcony rail-
ing. Even though it was dry, an
ugly huge was left on the mat-
tress cover. The biggest shock
when I got to my bedroom was
that the girl had bought me a
new mattress, says Trevor.
He has never met the girl
again, and on Facebook, she un-
friended and blocked him.
She would probably have
made a good wife had I not em-
barrassed her in the morning,
maybe we were meant to be. But
the bedwetting part put a span-
ner in the works, muses Trevor.
Since time immemorial, bed-
wetting has always been associ-
ated with children. In the vil-
lages, it is common to walk into
a homestead and nd a few mat-
tresses and threadbare blankets
being aired out in the eld. But
perhaps some of those bedding
on clotheslines and on balconies
are not soiled by children, but by
mothers and fathers. Would you
believe that?
Banker Wangui Gacheru says
she has never had the opportu-
nity of sleeping next to a man
who pees in bed, but recalls such
an incident when she was grow-
ing up. She overheard a neigh-
bour complain to her mother
that her husband at times wets
their bed.
It wasnt because of alcohol,
because even when he didnt
drink beer, he still peed in bed.
I think his was a medical condi-
tion, says Gacheru.
Dr Vincent Karuhanga said in
some cases, bedwetting among
adults is as a result of a medical
condition referred to as enuresis.
It may be caused by insufcient
production of anti-diuretic hor-
mone (ADH) which results in the
body producing too much urine
hence bedwetting (children have
small pituitary glands; so, they
produce insufcient ADH and so
they wet their beds), genetic pre-
disposition and smaller-than-
normal bladders.
Secondary enuresis, on the
other hand, may occur, accord-
ing to Dr Vincent Karuhanga and
www.ehow.com, because of dis-
eases such as diabetes.
Diabetes may prevent the
body from producing sufcient
amounts of ADH.
Other causes include bladder
and prostate cancer, anxiety and
stress (in rare cases), sleep ap-
nea (this is obstructed sleep and
it may make people oversleep so
they dont wake up when they
need to urinate), neurological
disorders and urinary tract and
prostate infections.
Caffeine and alcohol intake,
too, may cause this because oth-
er than causing an increase in
urine production, it makes some
people have poor judgment.
Page 10 / CRAZY MONDAY Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
I beat her up, we broke up,
but want her back
I am 22 and I have been in a relationship
with a college girl for one semester. I
knew she was the one I would marry.
Unfortunately, when we closed for long
holiday, I received a call from a strange
person who alleges to be her husband.
He has threatened to harm me as the
lady is alleging that I am a threat to her.
This is after we had differences towards
end of semester and I slapped her,
and we never talked since then. I am
confused. Please advise. Martin, Nairobi
First, it is wrong to hit a woman.
Secondly, she is either tired of you
and wants to end the relationship. Or
she is actually married. Either way,
you messed up. Forget her, and look
for another woman.
My man acts strangely,
should I dump him?
My current boyfriend and I have been
dating for four years now. He knows
that I love him and I want to get married
to him, but he refuses to commit or to
even talk about marriage. He also still
very close to his ex-girlfriend, they are
always calling each other and meeting
up for drinks. I think it is inappropriate
and disrespectful to me, and I have
told him this but he refuses to stop. My
friends have told me to leave him as
his behaviour is an indication that he is
not that serious about me and I want
marriage. Please advise? Valerie, Nairobi
Listen to your friends.
Boyfriend misbehaving
I last saw my boyfriend two weeks ago
because we have both been very busy
at work, plus I am back in school. Last
weekend I had a family matter and had to
travel to my rural home. Thus, we did not
meet. I thought everything was normal
and that he understood but afterwards
sent me a text saying I should forget
about him. I called him, and he accused
me of cheating on him yet I have never.
What should I do? Janice, Nairobi
My dear you have just dodged a
bullet, he does not sound emotionally
mature or ready for any kind of
relationship. Let him go!
My ancs sisters hate me
My anc and I will be getting married
later this year in August. I have met his
whole family and although everyone else
seems nice, his two sisters have been
openly rude and mean to me. I have tried
everything to. How can I make them like
me? Maureen, Nairobi
Be kind and respectful but do not
jump through hoops to make anyone
like you. They can either like you as
you are or not.
Reach Dr loce at: fabulousfeminista@
gmail.com
Cupids arrow
feminist/WITH ANNE MUIRURI
What should a man do when a woman assaults him?
chauvinist/WITH NIKKO TANUI
Why marriage is overrated nowadays
I
am at that age where fam-
ily, including distant rela-
tives who cannot remem-
ber my second name, have
began hounding me about when I
am getting married. Some even try
to convince me that getting mar-
ried is the best thing for me to do.
Unfortunately, I disappoint them
by telling them I am very happy
being single.
As a result I have really began to
think critically about this marriage
business. I have been trying to
gure out why people dive into it
with so much gusto, and I will be
honest with you from what I have
observed, seen, heard and read
about todays marriages, I could
not be persuaded to walk down the
aisle any time soon. Even if prince
charming came knocking on my
door, promising life full of bliss.
Yes, I will agree there are few
who have managed to make their
marriages work, but majority give
marriage a bad name. And yes, the
social media pictures of married
couples on Facebook all look very
cute. But I am not sure I want to
walk down the aisle so that I can
have fabulous photos to show off.
SINGLE WOMAN
Besides, every time I get down
and dirty and ask the tough
questions to my married friends or
colleagues they all say something
like: You have to sacrice a lot, or
aki ni ngumu, or one day I will tell
you.
Yet being a single woman these
days comes with so many benets
with everything from unlimited
I
f by now you havent heard
or read the news about rap-
per Jay-Z being viciously at-
tacked by his sister-in-law,
Solange Knowles as they left a New
York hotel, then you probably live
under a rock.
The 27-year-old sister to
singer Beyonce was caught on
surveillance cameras in an elevator,
viciously attacking her 44-year-old
brother-in-law, rapper Jay Z, over
unknown reasons.
YAP
What is wrong with some
women? Especially those who
always yap a lot, spoil for ghts
with men, and dare men to beat
them up. In most cases, it takes a
man with a stronger willpower than
singer Chris Brown (who beat up
his then lover, Rihanna for acting
silly) to put up with such rubbish.
Look ladies, the average man is
unhinged, and only needs slight
provocation before he unleashes
terror on you.
That a 27-year-old girl could
freedom, to peace of mind. Also,
who can forget that life these days
has changed so much so that you
can literally get everything that
marriage once offered outside of
marriage.
Plus I cannot help it, but I
am more into numbers and I
believe things have to balance,
somehow. My love account is not
an exception. I do not believe in
giving your heart and soul in to
something and only getting ulcers
and mistreatment.
Basically, my beef with marriage
today is that some men expect you
as the woman to take care of them.
lack respect, not just for her brother
in law, but also a celebrated rapper
who happens to be 17 years her
senior, is appalling.
And this is a clear indication
that she has absolutely no respect
for elders! I cant believe the little
girl lost control, forgot about the
age difference and dared kick, slap,
punch and rough up a man who
brags in one of his songs that he
regularly exchanges text messages
with President Barack Obama.
What surprised me more was
the fact that singer Beyonce did
not seem moved even as her spoilt
sister attacked her husband.
Just tell me, isnt a woman who
just stands there unmoved and lets
her sister attack her husband worse
than Jezebel?
See, a woman who truly loves
her man would not let even her own
father attack a man she purports to
be in love with.
GENDER VIOLENCE
I feel Beyonce failed to rise up to
the occasion, and be a role model in
the ght against gender violence.
At this point, let me make a
shout out to the greatest rapper
alive because during the frenzied
altercation, he did not hit back. He
kept his calm.
All he kept doing was dodging
the slaps and jabs aimed at him and
at some point the rapper grabbed
Solanges stiletto-clad foot to block
a kick.
That is how a real man is
supposed to behave. I think Jay
Z earned more respect from that
gesture.
get to see on weekends. These are
men who think fatherhood is all
about taking your children out for
a Sunday treat, paying for upkeep
and then disappearing from home
for the rest of the days.
Then there is the issue of the
mistress, which is almost part and
parcel of modern-day marriages.
I do not know about you, but it
is just not attractive. I think the kind
of man Im looking for just doesnt
exist around here. I want a peculiar
marriage where there is equality,
respect, sacrice and love from
both ends. And until then I am a
very happy single lady.
We no longer have responsible
men.
Some time back, when a woman
got married, she was assured of
nancial security. But not any
more. To get nancial assistance
from some husbands today, women
have to beg.
Others have the money, but
are very irresponsible. They rather
buy friends beer in bars and leave
their wives and children starving at
home.
Secondly, you get to play both
the role of mother and father
because most men nowadays are
absentee parents who kids only
CRAZY MONDAY / Page 11 Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
odds&ends/Strange , weird but true stories
A
woman won a le-
gal battle to stop her
dead husbands fro-
zen sperm being de-
stroyed.
Beth Warrens husband had his
sperm frozen before starting cancer
treatment and signed paperwork
saying his wife could use the sperm
after his death.
He died from a brain tumour
two years ago, but regulations
meant his sperm were due to be
destroyed in April 2015.
The High Court has backed her
case, but the regulator has already
announced plans to appeal against
the decision.
EGGS
The law allows sperm and eggs
to be stored for up to 55 years, if
consent is regularly renewed.
But when 32-year-old Warren
Brewer, a ski instructor, died
of a brain tumour in February
2012, consent could no longer be
renewed.
The regulators, the Human
Woman wins court battle to keep late husbands frozen sperm
Fertilisation and Embryology
Authority (HFEA), said the sperm
could not be stored beyond April
2015.
But lawyers representing Mrs
Warren, 28, from Birmingham,
told the High Court judge that the
regulator was taking an excessively
linguistic and technical approach.
HAPPY
In her judgement, Mrs Justice
Hogg said: The evidence indicates
that both Mr Brewer and his wife
were in agreement. He wanted her
to have the opportunity to have
his child, if she wanted, after his
death. But, she continued, the
written consents provided by Mr
Brewer did not specify that his
gametes should be stored beyond
the statutory period required by
the HFEA.
She ruled that it was right and
proper, and proportionate to
allow the sperm to be kept until at
least April 2023.
Mrs Warren said she was over
the moon and elated with the
decision.
She told the BBC: Its beyond
words, I hadnt even anticipated
that I would feel that happy about
it.
accident just weeks before her
husband died.
She said that at that emotional
time a forced deadline was not
the reason to have a child and that
she needed the time to establish
myself emotionally, nancially and
professionally before choosing to
have a child.
Mrs Warren said she had not
decided what she would do now, as
she had not let herself believe she
could win.
At the start of the legal bid, Mrs
Warren said it would be a huge
decision to have a child who
would never meet their father.
She added: I cannot make that
choice now and need more time to
build my life back.
I may never go ahead with
treatment but I want to have the
freedom to decide once I am no
longer grieving.
However, this is not the end of
the legal battle as the HFEA has
asked for leave to appeal against
the decision.
adopted from BBC
T
he opening weeks inva-
sion of the Meta Meta
compound by Thunder
Clap brewed a storm
that has refused to settle. As you
may remember, some students
had hired the pimped up nganya
(matatu) to bring them to school.
The parents who had brought their
sons and daughters immediately
confronted an agitated Okonkwo
and demanded action. Some were
even threatening to transfer their
kids from Meta Meta.
The culprits were herded to the
school hall. Some appeared overly
sociable though a bit unsteady. We
were amazed to see an otherwise
timid Form Two boy stagger towards
Okonkwo and slap him on the back
as if they were age mates.
Enyewe Okonkwo wewe ni
mpoa. Huyu depa ndio huleta
ngori kwa hii chuo, (Indeed,
okonkwo you are a nice guy. But the
problem is the school the deputy
headmaster) he said. A shocked
Okonkwo turned towards the boy
and barked, What did you just
say? Had it not been for Madam
Magaritas swift intervention, the
rascal would have received a slap
that would have surely secured
Okonkwo a date with a judge.
It emerged that the students
had earlier met in town and bought
alcoholic drinks, which they had
transferred into plastic soda bottles.
No wonder the dramatic entry to
school aboard Thunder Clap!
The group was herded into a
corner of the hall to sober up under
the watchful eye of Soldier. The
boarding master was calling their
parents to make haste to Meta
Meta and collect their kids. Wewe
bensouda wacha hizo za ovyo,
a boy slurred and promptly fell
asleep on the cold oor.
Having quarantined them, we
fell back to inspecting the students
bags, a task as difcult as looking
for Al Shabaabs IEDs. Some
students hide contraband close
to their private parts and scream
sexual harassment as soon as one
ventures anywhere near the hidden
gadget.
DAUNTING TASK
The gadgets are normally
dismantled and each piece carried
separately. You may be busy
searching a boys bag for a phone
while the battery is wrapped in
tissue paper in his pocket, the sim
card in the middle of a text book and
a wad of Bamba 10 for chattitude in
the fold of his school tie.
Magarita had an equally
daunting task with the girls. I later
heard that the bra is a haven for
dismantled phone parts. By the
end of the inspection, we had
enough sim cards, assorted phone
parts and ash discs among others
to start a phone parts shop on
Nairobis Luthuli Avenue.
Then the most unnerving
discovery! The male species as my
Mwanamke ni nguo, mgomba
kupalilia (nice clothes make a
smart woman the way a banana
plant has to be tended). It was
obvious the boys had plans of
sneaking to the girls boarding
section using the disguise.
Okonkwo, who was hopping
mad, ordered the boy to put on one
of the skirts and remain in it for the
rest of the evening. Wanting in hips
and the legs being rather thin, the
skirt looked as if it had been worn
by a telephone post.
Send Mwalimu feedback on
[email protected]
grandfather knew it is on its death
bed. The boys had packed an array
of beauty products which one would
have expected to nd in the bag of
an aspiring Miss Universe. Sprays,
colognes, hand and face lotions,
avoured lip balms and mirrors
were in the mix. What happened
to the generation of boys who just
went to school with a single bar of
Panga soap for both laundry and
bathing? Are we making women
out of our young men?
Then climax was when I came
upon two girls skirts and three
Kangas in a Form Three boys
bag. On one Kanga was written
Students nabbed smuggling
contraband to school on opening day
ateachersdiary/WITH MWALIMU SOCRATES
I hadnt let myself believe I
would get that outcome because
I knew it really could have gone
either way.
Her brother died in a car
Page 12 / CRAZY MONDAY Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
wemen/WITH TONY MASIKONDE
T
here is a lot of brouha-
ha about how men and
women relate.
Let me speak for
men. At the core of our being is an
untamed, primal man that simply
wants to be free. We want free-
dom so badly that we will ght for
it to the death. Were afraid of get-
ting locked in, having no way out
and being stuck for life.
First, we have a profound de-
sire for freedom. Since we often
see deep love connection as a
threat to our freedom, we end up
having to make a choice. On one
hand we can have a life where
we fully express our purpose and
live whats true for us moment
by moment. But dont engage on
the deepest level with our sexual
partners.
On the other hand we have a
life of deep connection and full-
ment in relationships yet we will
be limited by not being free to
fully live out our purpose in life.
Both of these options arent great,
yet this is the reality for many
men.
Here is a common scenario,
and for the sake of simplicity Im
going to generalise. Boy meets
girl; boy and girl start to have feel-
ings for each other that indicate
there may be something special
about this relationship; boy holds
back and the relationship doesnt
get deeper; girl feels this, gets up-
set and pressures boy into com-
mitment; boy resists, protecting
Why men suffer from commitment phobia
his freedom; boy and girl break up,
she is resentful that he wasted her
time and he doesnt understand
why she needed commitment.
Does that sound familiar? It
certainly does to me. Ive also seen
friends and clients go through
this as well. The good news is it
doesnt have to be this way. Lets
break this down and see whats re-
ally going on.
RELATIONSHIPS
They start to have feelings for
each other that indicate there
may be something special about
this relationship.
At this point there is no hold-
ing back, both parties are happy
and there isnt much (if any) fear
about what will happen in the fu-
ture.
Boy holds back and the rela-
tionship doesnt get deeper.
The reason he is holding back
is because he is associating a deep
relationship with entrapment. If
he allows himself to love her fully,
he cant control the outcome.
We all do this, men and wom-
en. We dont give ourselves fully to
relationships because were afraid
we wont like the outcome in the
future. The key delusion here is
we think we know whats best for
us (hint: we dont).
Girl feels this, gets upset and
pressures boy into commitment.
This is her best attempt at get-
ting what she really wants: a deep
connection. Im convinced that
Campusrover/WITH BILL ODUNGA
M
ovies are my guilty
pleasure. When I am
not doing anything
else, I am stuck on
Megashare or Glowgaze, sifting
through the sea of movies and TV
shows for one more watch.
Watching a movie with some-
one is even better, especially
when it is with the boys, and the
lm is set in medieval England or
Rome. Anything with blood sword
and gore.
You call in a bunch of dudes to
your room, turn up those Sayona
speakers, dim down the lights,
pour each other that one bottle of
cheap whisky you all contributed
to buy, and then just kick it. Per-
fect pass time for a lazy weekend.
BREAK MONOTONY
I pushed the envelope the oth-
er day. I asked a lady to join me, I
gured I had breathed enough of
testosterone to last me a lifetime.
A change is as good as a rest, so
why not break the monotony with
the pleasure of somebody who
did not have family jewels.
It was an honest invitation, re-
ally but I was in for a rude awak-
Why do women read too much into what men say?
in Game of Thrones. If you do
not know Game of Thrones, then
you might as well not know when
Christmas is.
It turns out, Shall we watch a
movie tonight, my place? is code
name for Shall we have sex to-
she wants (although shes doing
her best). She is saying she wants
commitment, when what she real-
ly wants is deep connection. She
wants him to stop holding back
his love. Boy and girl break up,
she is resentful that he wasted her
time and he doesnt understand
why she needed commitment.
Now all this would have been
avoided if only the girl had left the
man, born free to roam free and
mingle as much as he wants. La-
dies, all that men want is nothing
but freedom. Period!
ening. She said no.
Not that she is not a fan of
movies, in fact, she is one of the
few who we exchange notes with
when the next TV Show comes up.
She is mean, the kind that would
tell you who is going to die next
rst. To be honest, I felt a bit of-
fended, being categorised with
dudes with no game like that.
Dudes who use movies to low-
er the coveted ags. I mean, who
does that? Who deles the noble
art of movie watching by using it
as Adams ale for satiating their
thirst for debauchery? Now it has
given a completely new meaning
to Going to the movies phrase.
CRICIFIED
OK, ne, when you think of it,
movies have always been used to
score brownie points. But at least
there has been pop corns and
soothing words; you know, chiv-
alry and all that jazz.
What I suggested was an epic
movie, the one in which people
are beheaded and heads put on
a pike. Where girls are crucied,
used and discarded like tepid
craped tissue. What could be
possibly sexually leading in such
a movie? Maybe I am old fash-
ioned. Maybe girls are turned on
by the sight of headless men on a
pike these days. I must be stuck in
the dark ages.
night if you do not mind?
I was taken aback. All I wanted
was to watch a movie for Chris-
sakes. Not to exchange tales of the
birds and bees. If I wanted that,
all I had to do is ask. And I know,
I have to at least buy her dinner
all women have ever wanted was
a deep connection, and their best
attempt is often to corner a man
into being with them exclusively.
Whats interesting here is that
we as men often associate deep
relationships with exclusivity, and
if were with a woman but its not
exclusive, we dont treat her with
the same respect.
Its us as men shooting our-
selves in the foot. Boy resists, pro-
tecting his freedom.
This makes sense, since the
girl isnt really telling him what
CRAZY MONDAY / Page 13
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
CRAZY MONDAY / Page 13
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Page 14 / CRAZY MONDAY Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
ugandanaffairs/GRACE NAKATO
Musevenis taxation
spree aimed at
funding his re-election
I
n Uganda, we love to go
left while the rest of the
world is going right. Other
African leaders pretend
not be corrupt, but here
the president openly gives NRM
MPs cash to dish out to wananchi
to sensitise them about his re-
election campaign.
The amount depends on size
of district with some getting as
much as Sh10,000,000.
This cash bonanza got the
others thinking about how to
reap big in this years budget that
shall be read next month.
As usual, the weakest and
smallest target is the easiest to
hitmwananchi and taxation.
The powers that be are now pon-
dering passing a Bill that will have
every mobile phone user paying
an annual tax of Sh200.
This is some quick and easy
dime if you count the estimated
17.5M handsets owned by Ugan-
dans.
And again, most people have
two handsets because we have
ve telecoms, and each have var-
ious freebies that we obliged to
take advantage of to save on our
shillings (and Im told Kenyans
also really love free things).
The second proposal is to in-
crease taxation on bottled water.
This has been a particularly long
and heavy rainy season rainy sea-
son with plenty of ooding.
The MPs are probably think-
ing that those of us in the city can
harvest the rain water and save on
costs. The shadow Finance min-
ister, Mr Geoffrey Ekanya comes
from Tororo County. I think this
is a jibe at the tourists and trad-
ers who pass in buses through his
home area, and ing plastic bot-
tles out of the window thus pollut-
ing the environment in the area.
PROMOTING LAZINESS
Why else would he say that
those who think the tax will affect
them should always travel with
their own water.
It would be fantastic if the bil-
lions generated from these pro-
posals were actually used to im-
prove the free primary education,
or pay teachers or pay doctors or
even improve our road transport.
Alas, it is a fantasy the money is
earmarked for salary increment
for the Electoral Commission.
This proposal has been endorsed
by the Budget Committee of Par-
liament so as to improve govern-
ment operations.
The dissenters to the propos-
als were accused of promoting
laziness. According to one Minis-
ter, the tax on mobile phones will
force people to go to work. The
Uganda Communications Com-
mission (UCC) boss Mr.
Godfrey Mutabazi said: Lets
put it this way, everyone who as-
pires to advance in ICT, must be
taxed.
Could this mean that there
shall be different tax brackets
according to the handset? Will
tablets be considered as mobile
phones?
We shall not tax our brains
seeking for ways to pay the Sh200,
because the UCC are yet to shut
down our unregistered SIM cards.
They cannot stop me from using
a SIM card that is registered on a
network. I wonder whether we
shall now be forced to move with
tax receipts to show we have paid
the mobile tax. If one has not
paid, will the phone be cons-
cated?
These are just some of the
questions Ugandans are asking
themselves.
Picturespeak Crazy pictures from social media
-Source: Internet
CRAZY MONDAY / Page 15
Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
fortheloveofthegame/WITH ANIL BAKARI
Relegation
agony akin to
labour pains
When the English Premier
League ended last week, most fans,
particularly of the teams that were
relegated, shed tears as the reality of
playing in lower division next sea-
son overwhelmed them.
The pain the fans felt, accord-
ing to a survey released last week in
Britain, is equivalent to what wom-
en feel while giving birth!
In the survey that involved 1,200
male and female football fans, it
was discovered that 63 per cent of
those who hold a season ticket at
their clubs believed that the pain of
relegation was similar or worse to
giving birth.
Similarly, among those who at-
tended a match once or more times
in a season, half said relegation is
the male equivalent to childbirth.
Childbirth does look very pain-
ful, but it only lasts a few hours. The
pain of relegation lasts the entire
season, said a respondent, accord-
ing to Metro Sports.
Some of the teams that were rel-
egated include Fulham FC, Norwich
FC and Cardiff City FC.
The pain of relegation, said the
survey, is the reason most male and
female fans cry in matches that de-
termine their teams fate in a sea-
son.
So, at the end of this Kenya Pre-
mier League season, if you see an
AFC Leopards, KRA or Top Fry fan
crying after the worst happens, just
know that they are feeling as if they
are in the maternity ward pushing
the baby to come out.
M
y adventures the
other day took me
to Kaloleni and
Makongeni estates
in Nairobi, where I
grew up, many years ago.
I went there to track my past,
to reect and get an assurance
that I have sort of experienced
progress in life. Reason? I now live
somewhere very different from
Eastlands, but my love for East-
lands will never die.
Indeed, having traced the one-
bedroom houses I once called
home in the two estates, I was
assured that I have made great
strides in life. The houses are in
sorry state; a leaking roof and
shattered windows are some of
the problems the tenants have to
contend with.
However, it is the derelict state
of the estates that were the Nyayo
Embakasi of yesteryears that wor-
ries. Its so hard to bring a child
upright in an environment that is
full of social ills.
Perhaps this is the reason there
is no longer top sporting talent
coming out of the City Council es-
tates, and their peers like Ziwani,
Jericho, Muthurwa and Pumwani.
For those who are not old
enough to remember, these are
the estates where all the sporting
giants, particularly in football,
body-building and boxing were
bred and churned out.
The likes of boxing greats
wani still stand strong, but they
are too worn out and lack facili-
ties to nurture any meaningful
talent.
Then, the play grounds; the
colonialists left them in our care
when they were in perfect condi-
tion but are now not worth writ-
ing about.
Powerful fat cats grabbed
some of them while others are
in unusable state, with mounts
of garbage sitting at where goal
posts used to stand.
In 2012, former Nairobi City
Council Town Clerk Philip Kisia
launched a campaign to renovate
and equip the social halls and re-
Wangila Napunyi, Mike Irungu,
Ibrahim Bilali and Steve Muchoki,
among others, honed their skills
in the estates.
LACK FACILITIES
In football, Musa Otieno, John
Baresi, George Waweru and the
Marigas all credit their success to
having grown in the estates that
are slowly becoming inhabitable.
In particular, the athletes
thank the social halls and playing
grounds that offered them oppor-
tunity to practise and perfect their
skills.
The social halls in Makongeni,
Kaloleni, Muthurwa and Pum-
Only an outsider can save AFC Leopards
Kidero should forget about FM
station, revamp sports facilities
A
FC Leopards has become
the Manchester United FC
of the Kenya Premier League
(KPL) this season.
Despite sacking Coach
James Nandwa, as if he was the prob-
lem, and bringing in a new tactician,
an Italian for that matter, AFC has not
found the teeth to score goals.
And like Man U, the KPL giant has
taken to losing to small teams, some
that have been barely in the league for
half a decade.
The clubs current standing in the
premier league says it all. And this is
the reason AFC Leopards fans are get-
ting frustrated because they know that
their team may be relegated and they
will certainly miss continental football
because nishing rst or second in the
league is becoming a mirage.
Anyway, the regional games do not
make any difference to AFC because
they perform poorly.
Looking at it soberly, however, AFC
has brought all the pain on itself. First,
they kicked out an outsider, one Alex
ole Magelo, from the leadership of the
team because they wanted their own,
yet he had helped lift the club.
The second biggest mistake AFC
fans did is to elect a politician to hold
an important post in the team. Did they
expect the politician to transform the
club yet he is passing time as he waits
for 2017 elections? AFC fans can riot
even 100 times, but the teams perfor-
mance will not improve as long as of-
cials who do not have the clubs vision
at heart remain in charge.
claim some of the grabbed play-
grounds.
However, if the state of Kalole-
ni social hall is anything to go by,
then the project opped.
No word has come from cur-
rent City Hall bosses about reno-
vating the facilities. The county
government it seems has no plan
to create jobs through sports.
Perhaps the last things the
youth in Nairobi need, includ-
ing those turning to crime, is the
Sh100 million FM station Gover-
nor Evans Kidero and his ofcers
want to launch. An FM station?
Seriously? What for? Forget it!
#SomeoneTellUSA: Our First Lady runs in marathon, theirs can only do this.
FOUR OF A KIND: Who said the beautiful ones are not yet born?
sportingsnapshots
BLAST FROM THE PAST: Taribo West is back!
Page 16 / CRAZY MONDAY Monday, May 19, 2014 / The Standard
Hamza Babu serves and sips juicy gossip
in the breezy Coastal town of Mombasa
kahawatungu
I
dont think I will admit
any drunkard at Kahawa
Tungu any time soon. In
fact, I have banned such
characters from my caf
forever. This is after one of them
did the unimaginable; he pooped
on himself! Imagine!
All are welcome in Kahawa
Tungu, apart from drunkards. You
know, in my neck of the woods,
mnazi has always wreaked havoc
of all sorts for ages. It is a shame
that Mututho and Co. are yet to
regulate the consumption of this
monster.
REEK
You see, most of those who
take mnazi reek of the foulest of
smells, which hits your nostrils
and makes you think you are at a
mortuary.
The only trouble, however, is
that the drunkenness of this po-
tent drink has a delayed effect that
seizes long after one has drained
the last drop. That is why it is hard
to detect that a customer is high,
until it hits him like a thunderbolt.
Of course, by that time it is usually
too late to evacuate customers
so that they do not catch the ak
when manure hits the fan.
Such was the case one chilly
evening when the customers were
gathered inside the caf for a sun-
downer to help keep out the cold.
HOMO ERECTUS
A man by the name of Waloka
walked in to have Kahawa Tungu
with his friend. I studied the two
who had a reputation of imbibing
the juices from the palm tree, and
only agreed to serve them after I
was satised that they were walk-
ing as upright as the latest homo
erectus on the planet.
They sat at a corner and sig-
nalled me to place a full steamer
of kahawa tungu along with two
tiny cups between them.
Otherwise we shall freeze to
death in this cold at a night, when
Poop hits the fan as
customer high on mnazi
soils himself in cafe
our wives expect us to warm their
beds, Waloka said, to which his
friend nodded vigorously in agree-
ment.
Can you two cookies afford
what you have just ordered, or you
are just out to cause trouble? a
customer wanted to know.
At that point, Waloka stood up
and pulled a couple of wrinkled
notes from his pocket and boast-
ed, I have enough to buy this joint
plus its patron, but do I say!
I placed in front of the two ty-
coons my most special pot. The
one that has all the xings and ad-
ditives, including the local Viagra
and cinnamon.
They drank in silence until
dung hit the fan; Waloka fell down
and started trembling as though
he was being electrocuted. His
friend pointed at him, but his
tongue was too heavy to describe
what was happening to him.
HELTER SKELTER
Hell broke loose as customers
ran helter skelter. In a minute, the
place smelled like it had been hit
by a stink bomb. The two gentle-
men had apparently succumbed
to the effects of mnazi that they
had imbibed copious amounts
much earlier.
One vomited and the other
had gone to the toilet right there
in his pants. A terrible sight it was
indeed. All the customers left. No
one wanted to help in carting out
the two drunks.
It was upon me to heave and
push soiled men by myself until I
nally dumped their bodies out-
side my door.
From that day, I swore never to
allow mnazi drinkers into my es-
tablishment.