Script to story crit

Daniel Harrington

So most my ideas rant fully formed on this project I have created a previz which shows the story in its most basic form I would have like to have done a more detailed previz but I had technical problems and I simplified the story so I can get my story across quickly

Words I got from the blue. Box

Baker Space station Vacuum cleaner

The words i got was baker space station and vacuum.

so iv made these influence maps iv looked at ratatouille for character influence. This is because i want to capture there style in my animation like the Pixar shorts this is the animation style i think wood be good to do and i have looked at real bakers for there uniform influence.
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These mood boards where my first bounce in the right direction

Premise

The attack of the baked goods

Logline

A baker and his apprentice have to battle a army of living baked goods.

We are taken down a hall full of shops on a space station to a small bakers called space cakes

Inside we see Doug and Tim tidying up for the day

Step outline

After tidying they Doug goes and sits down with som biscuits and time goes for some milk

Doug reaches for a biscuit as he sees Tim returning but as he reaches at the plate there is nothing there

Jumping up due to something biting his leg Doug and Tim bump into each other and fall over causing them to crash to the to the ground

Doug then looks up and sees that it was the cookie that bit him

Jumping to there feet in shock Doug and Tim yell out

Looking round Tim notice the cabinets are smashing and everything they've clocked so far has come to life

The creatures pick up weapons and head towards Doug and Tim

Doug and tim run to the back of the shop where there is two doors on to the pantry and one to the utility room

Tim runs and opens the door to the pantry whilst Doug bats away the baked goods

Tim opens the door and discovers a bag of flour which has come alive and is biting at Tim turns and slams the door

Tim runs grabs Doug and they run into the utilities cupboard

Doug and Tim tool up with the Items in the cupboard Doug ties a vacuum to his back

They both burst out the cupboard and start attacking the backed goods

They beat it all away and hover it up and push the flour bag into the fridge

After this they go sit back down in there seats

story idea

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On a futuristic space station we find ourselves in the market district down an alley and past the Martian butches and the Candorian glow stick makers we find a little bakery modal (shop). In this modal we have Doug the baker. Doug is a portly fellow from earth with a big belly and a big beard and a happy and jolly domineer. Hes baked treats and bread since he was 20 and after 25 years hes pretty good. Doug works with his apprentice Tim, a small teenager. He's a bit small an meagre but he loves what he does he may be bait like a little slack some times but he works hard when he wants. Doug and Tim have been working away all day making biscuits and ginger bread men and muffins and bread for the happy costumers and the day is finally growing to a close. But today is going take a slightly different turn then normal...

Today is a magical day where not everything seems to be what it is. Theres a magicalness in the air of the shop this evening. See the thing is that Doug and Tim haven't realised that their flour was a bit off. In the shipping process this last batch off flour has come into contact with Gonowen life goo which should take a couple more min till it kicks in so we will see what happens.

! So Doug and Tim are finishing up, Theyre pretty much finished for the day now and as a treat they've gone and sat down for a cup of milk and a biscuit. !

So Doug sits down with the biscuits while Tim goes for the milk as Tim comes back Doug reaches for his biscuit which he;s been eagerly waiting for all day, As he reaches for the plate with his big hand he feels nothing accept the cold feel of crockery. He turns his head down to look at whats happening as he looks at the plate he see theres now nothing on his plate accept some crumbs. Looking around the table he cant see any sign of what could of happened to his biscuit. As he looks up Tim has made it to the table as Tim reaches him he feels something hitting his leg. As he jumps up to the shock of whatever was hitting him he knocks the milk and Tim over crashing to the floor. He gets a glimpse of a biscuit shaped mini man as he sits there he notice there are two of them. Tim now covered in milk and with Doug onto of him has not noticed anything yet. As he looks up he see the same thing both Doug and Tim jump to their feet with a startled speed and huddle together. They hear a smashing sound coming from the counter as they turn round they see that all their baked goods they have cooked in the last hour have come to life and have armed them selves with utensils and have started to zomberly make there way towards them. Seeing this they both gab each other and then scream they both then turn and take flight to the back of the shop reaching this the only place for them to go exempt the store room or the utilities cupboard. They run to the store cupboard but as Doug and Tim reach the cupboard Doug picks up a broom and starts batting the baked goods away. As time pulls the cupboard door open the door flies open Tim sees that way is blocked by a moving sack with gnashing sharp teeth. Tim slams the door shut and grabs Dougs arm and runs to the utilities cupboard. Ducking inside they can hear the pattering of feet and the squelching of the sack. Doug reaches for the small string cord in the cupboard and pulls it- the light blinks on and Doug and Tim look at each other then look round and then back. As they look back they both smile at each other making weapons out of the items in the cupboard they burst out and start to lay waste to the baked goods Doug with a vacuum cleaner strapped to his back starts to vacuum the biscuits and ginger bread men up as Tim bats them away with his mop. After they beat them all to drums and vacuum them up they turn to the sack, which they bop on the head, then push into the freezer at the back of the store cupboard. They then lock both exuded they go and slump on their chairs.

Character ideas So I did a lot of sketches of my character /characters

Doug Is a portly character who is a fair size due to his love off sweet things he is a overall jolly fella who kind of resembles Santa clause

Tim Tim is a young man around the age of seventeen he is fairly small and scrawny looking but has a heart of gold although he may be a bit lazy from time to time

I still found it hard to decided I've now refined the same image down to one character design I like but I am still not curtain weather this is a good choice or not

Digital sketch of gingerbread man and baker

Whilst working on the story board I took some very strange approaches first I made a rough story board which I was then going to go into much more detail by hand drawing then going over seeing as I took to long thumb nailing some concept art I fought it would be better to go with hand drawn because I felt comfortable doing it this way

I finished the layout of most of the shots but still need to put in the characters and there movements the rough story board covers these briefly

Concept art which are what I based my set off but I had to cut out some bits

Rough storyboard

Whilst looking at my project I looked into Pixar shorts this is where I've taken a chunk of my influence in that I just wanted to tell a simple story with little explaining I've had to change my ideas a couple of time due to it not making sense but I fell I have accomplished the feet of finding my story there are some holes in it but this is animation so I hope peple don't look at it as Romeo and Juliet

I do fell in this project I have produced my story as a previz successfully but my work is all still lacking some refinement which would have given it a better standing i both love and hate what I've produced