TD 2006 Script

(MB, RG, JS enter from Stage Right, in front of curtain. Unbeknownst to them, the show
has begun. M is on a cell phone, R is putting on makeup, J is warming up.)
M: Dad, I can’t talk right now, we have to do our mic checks, ok? Alright. Bye. (closes
phone and freezes, noticing the audience for the first time. She nudges R, who then
nudges J. All freeze.)
J: Rach, you’ve done this before: who are those people in the audience staring at us?
R: They are the audience.
M: Why are they here?
R: (checks watch). Oh no....you two, go get the boys.
(M & J scurry offstage R, while KP comes out from behind curtain (center), with no pants
on.)
K: Hey Rachel, quick question about tonight—
(R steps in front of him very quickly to hide his...appearance....)
K: Oh, hey Rach, what’s goin’ on?
R: No, Kyle, look! (motions to audience)
(K looks at audience, and realizes that the show has begun, and he has no pants on.)
K: (loudly, as he runs off SL) Guys, we have a problem!
(M & J enter, SR)
M: They’re not...quite...ready yet.
R: I know.
J: We really need to go get ready.
(M, J, R start to exit, SR)
(R Stops): Wait, the audience. What about them?
J: Uh, I’m Jessica Sims (nudges R)
R: Oh, I’m Rachel Gallant.
M: (gets it without a nudge) And I’m Maggie Baker.
(During the girls’ introductions, KP, DG, and CT have entered from SL, making final
adjustments on tuxes. Yes, Kyle has pants on. At this point, M sees them.)
M: Let’s let the guys handle the rest.
J: Sounds good. RUN!
(J, R, M all r-u-n-n-o-f-t stage R)
C: So, it’s up to the men to do the job, huh? Great. Hello everyone. I’m Clark Torbert,
D: I’m Danny Gering,
K: and I’m Kyle Platt.
C: We welcome you tonight to the Putnam City West Theatre Dance 2006 showcase:
“Americana.” It’s a showcase entirely composed of American Music.
D: In order to enjoy the show to its full potential, we ask that you turn off, yes off, not
just to silent but entirely off, the following: cell phones, (pulls out “cell phone”, shows to
audience then tosses it behind back or possibly offstage)
K: pagers, (holds up “pager,” throws behind back or offstage)
C: and babies. (pulls out “baby” from ITW, shows to audience, and nonchalantly starts to
throw it behind back)
K&D: NO! (K motions for C to not throw the child, but to cuddle it. C instead shoves it
into his jacket. K & D look at each other, then shrug.)
D: Please, whatever you do, just be considerate: of those dancing, of those acting and
singing, and those around you in the audience.
[C: That also means no flash photography, either] (I’m not sure if this is true. –DG)
K: The first dance you’ll be seeing tonight is “Le Jazz Hot,” from Victor/Victoria.
C: Victor/Victoria is a show about a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a
woman. (Confused look, but he continues) Victoria, the lead, is a poverty-stricken
soprano trying to find work in turn-of-the-century Paris. With the help of a worldly-wise
nightclub singer, she invents her alter ego Victor, a man who impersonates females, who
is hired to sing at a fashionable nightspot.
D: Sit back, relax, and enjoy Theatre Dance, as they present “Americana.” (all 3 start to
exit stage L, then) Kyle, are you wearing my pants?
(C, D, K, all exit stage L; the three ad-lib on the way off, about how little time they had to
get ready)

Le Jazz Hot—TD 2

(C, D, K enter from stage R, K with guitar, D with fiddle, and C with slide whistle and/or
jugs. (?). Once they get to center and get comfy...)
K: (counting off) 1...2...1, 2, 3, 4!
(They play absolutely horrid bluegrass [our apologies to Rendall and husband] until R &
J enter stage L)
R: Guys, what are you doing?
J: Seriously, it sounds like you’re boiling kittens.
C: Excuse me?
K: (angry noise) Rrrrraggghhhh..hhh....
D: We’re playing bluegrass, thank you.
K: Yeah! (more angry noise) ....rrrghhh...
J: Oh, so that’s what that was.
C: Yeah, and it was good, too!
R: If you guys want actual bluegrass, listen to Flatt and Scruggs, Red Allen, the Soggy
Bottom Boys, or some Old Crow Medicine Show.
K: They’re all right, I guess, but they’re nowhere near us. I mean, just listen to this:
(starts to count off again) 1, 2—
R&J: No! No, that’s quite all right!
J: No more, please? How about we listen to some real bluegrass, as Theatre Dance
Dances to “Hard to Love” by Old Crow Medicine Show.
R: O.C.M.S. is a quintet of boys who, fairly recently, met in New York, started playing
bluegrass music on streetcorners, and have now opened for Dolly Parton, and played at
the Grand Ole’ Opry.
J: You three can, you know...get some ideas.
D: But you would still totally buy our CD, right?
R: Not for the life of me.
C: Well! We’ll just take our beautiful music elsewhere. Come on, guys.
(C, D, K all exit stage R)
J: ...not for the life of me....not for the life of me... why does that sound really familiar?
R: That’s a song from Thoroughly Modern Millie. You know, that show about (synopsis)
J: Ah yes, that’s the song that Maggie is singing, right?
R: Yes. So, while Theatre Dance gets ready for their next dance, here’s Maggie, singing
“Not for the Life of Me” from Thoroughly Modern Millie, followed by Theatre Dance,
dancing to “Hard to Love” by Old Crow Medicine Show.
(They exit, stage L)

“Not for the Life of Me”—Maggie

“Hard to Love”—TD

(M, J, R enter stage R)

M: So, I was talking to my buddy Jack the other day, and he was telling me that he had to
hit the road, and I said, “Hit the road Jack, and don’t you come back. (poetically?) No
more...no more...no more.”
R: Oh. That sucks.
M: Yeah.
J: (sings)heh...Hit the Road Jack...
M: (cries hysterically, and runs off stage L)
R: Jess! (hits J)
J: What? I like the song. It’s Ray Charles!
R: Oh, well, then you’ll definitely like the next dance: it’s a Ray Charles medley,
featuring great songs, including “Mary-Ann”, “What I say”, and your favorite, “Hit the
Road Jack.”
J: Yessss!
R: speaking of Jack, we should probably go check on Maggie. (begins to exit stage R, but
Maggie comes running back in, stage L)
M: Guys, Guys! I was in the bathroom crying, and I looked down and I found this penny,
and I thought to myself “find a penny, pick it up, and all day long you’ll have good luck”
Man, I’m feeling lucky.
J: Oo, like the guys in their next number, “Luck be a Lady,” from Guys and Dolls. It’s a
show about New York City in the 1940s, and the nightclubs, gamblers, and a bet about a
woman between two men. It’s my favorite!
M: (still staring at her penny) I’m gonna go spend my penny!
R: What about Jack?
M: Who?
R&J: Nevermind.
(M, R, J exit stage L)

“Luck be a Lady”—CD&K
Ray Charles Medley—TD

(K enters stage L, snapping, West Side Story-esque, and singing Bernstein- and
Sondheim- style brass parts, also while randomly jumping, posing, and just being K.
R&M enter behind, [or we had talked about you entering from stage R. Discuss later.]
staring at K.)
R: Alright, now what are you doing, Kyle?
K: (still snapping and pausing randomly) Insulted, we dropped the Bluegrass idea, and
we (pause) formed a 50’s street gang! We lost Danny (pause, etc.) in our first “rumble,”
and I lost Clark....well, I’m really not sure where I lost Clark. I mentioned the dancing
street gang and then he was gone...but they don’t matter. I’m still in a dancing street gang.
(continues to snap and dance around the ladies)
(C sticks only his head out from behind the Curtain, surprising the ladies now)
C: (sings) “I want to be in A-mer-i-ca...”
M: Clark, what are you—
(Cutting her off, Clark jumps through the curtain at this point, wearing a flamenco dress
and no shoes.)
C: (still singing) “I want to live in A-mer-i-ca, da-da-da-da-da-da-mer-I-ca, la-la-la-la-la-
la-mer-EE-ca...”
(C continues to sing, dance, and clap.)
M: Kyle, I think I know where you lost Clark.
R: Yeah, (taps head) right here.
(C is singing ferociously loud, and even K has stopped to stare)
K: Clark, I think we need to talk (hand motion). When I said “dancing gang,” (wraps arm
around C) I meant like the guys of Theatre Dance. Not the girls. (starts to lead him
offstage R)
C: The guys were all out of outfits. This is the only one left! (as K is still leading him off
stage R, he begins to sing:) “I feel pretty, oh so Pretty, I feel pretty and witty and....”
R: (loudly, to cover up the word “gay” [assuming K&C get that far]) WHILE Kyle
straightens some things out with Clark, Theatre Dance will dance to “America,” from
West Side Story.
M: West Side Story is the classic story of Romeo and Juliet, remade in 1961 as a musical
about the street life of the 50s. It’s set in Upper West Manhattan, and revolves around the
two rival gangs: the New-Yorker Jets, and the Puerto Rican Sharks. In the song
“America,” Puerto Rican immigrants argue about which is better: living in America or
living in Puerto Rico.
R: But first, Maggie, do you remember auditioning for this gig?
M: Yeah, I didn’t think I was going to make it. (finds a penny) Ooh! (walks off stage R)
R: Maggie? Maggie!? Where are you going?
M: (yelling, nearly offstage) I found a penny!! Woo-hoo!
R: But...we haven’t...introduced Jessica yet...Well, I’ll do it myself. Before Theatre Dance
dances to “America,” Jessica is singing “When you come Home to Me,” from The Last
Five Years. In the Last Five Years, the song is first sung as a woman’s audition for
Broadway, and what she went through to be there, and then sung again, but the second
time, it’s what she’s thinking as she auditions. Maggie? Where are you? I have a nickel!
(exits, stage R)

“When You come Home to Me”—Jessica

“America”—TD

(D&K enter, stage R. D is holding a baseball glove, K is holding a bat)

K: Danny, you ever play that “fantasy baseball” online? You know, make your own
teams, and play other online teams?
D: Yeah, all the time.
K: So, do you know all of your players?
D: Well, I better. I mean, (arrogant) I am the manager, after all. On my team, I have
(thinking)...ok, Who’s on first, What’s on second, and I Don’t Know’s on third.
K: That’s what I want to find out.
D: Who’s on first, What’s on Second, I Don’t Know’s on third—
K: Do you know their names?
D: Yes.
K: Then who’s on first?
D: Yes.
K: His name?
D: Who.
K: The guy on first.
D: Who.
K: The first baseman.
D: Who!
K: The guy playing first!
D: Who is on first.
K: Whaddya askin’ me for?
D: I’m telling you: Who is on first.
K: And I’m asking you! Who’s on first?
D: That’s the man’s name.
K: That’s who’s name?
D: Yes.
K: So, tell me.
D: Who.
K: The guy on first.
D: Who.
K: The first baseman.
D: Who is on first!
K: All I’m trying to figure out is what’s the name of the guy on first base.
D: No no, don’t switch ‘em, What’s on second base.
K: I’m not asking who’s on second.
D: Who’s on first.
K: I don’t know.
D: He’s on third, and we’re not talking about him.
K: How did I get on third base?
D: You mentioned his name.
K: If I mentioned his name, then who did I say is playing third base?
D: No, Who’s playing first.
K: Forget about first, I want to know what’s the guy’s name on third.
D: No, What’s on second.
K: I’m not asking who’s on second.
D: Who’s on first.
K: I don’t know.
D: He’s on third!
K: (angry noise) rrRRRrrrghh... Would you please stay on third, and don’t go off of it?
D: What did you want, anyway?
K: Who’s playing third base?
D: Why do you keep insisting on putting Who on third base?
K: Why? Who am I putting over there?
D: Yes, but we don’t want him there.
K: What’s the guy’s name on third base?
D: No, What’s on second.
K: I’m not askin’ who’s on second.
D: Who’s on first.
K: I don’t know!
D&K: (together) THIRD BASE!
(C enters, stage L)
C: So, guys, who’s up next?
D: No, who’s on first.
K: (threatens with bat) STOP. Now.
D: oh...sorry. Theatre Dance is up next, dancing to “Shoeless Joe from Hannibal Mo.”,
from Damn Yankees.
C: I don’t have any shoes on.
K: Yeah, Clark, I noticed that. Why? I thought we got you some shoes after the
“America” incident.
C: It felt really good on my feet. I don’t know.
D&K: (together) Third base. (heavy sigh)
K: Danny, convince Clark to wear some shoes. Anyway, Damn Yankees is a musical
about Baseball, and the rivalries involved in it. “Shoeless Joe from Hannibal Mo.” Is
about one of the great players from the 60s.
D: Clark, are you wearing hairspray?
C: ...maybe... It’s what I heard the girls singing about, so I thought I would try to figure
out how someone could write an entire musical about doing their hair. I could only come
up with around...one song.
D: No, Hairspray isn’t about doing your hair, it’s a musical about a girl in the 60s who is
trying to dance her way onto TV’s grooviest and most popular dance program.
C: Oh.
K: The girls are getting ready to sing “Mama I’m a big girl now,” from Hairspray.
D: (nudges K), Heh, that’s what Clark was thinking earlier.
C: Hey, not cool.
K: They’ll be followed by Theater Dance dancing to “Shoeless Joe from Hannibal Mo.”
From Damn Yankees.
C: Really, why do you guys make fun of me?
D: I don’t know.
D,K&C: (together) Third Base.
(all three exit stage L)

“Mama, I’m a big girl now”—Rachel, Jessica, Maggie

“Shoeless Joe from Hannibal Mo.”—TD

(M, D, C enter stage R. D is eating Chips Ahoy cookies, singing the cookie monster
song.)
C: Hey, Danny, can I have some cookies?
D: No.
M: What about me? Can I have one?
D: No! Sorry, they’re my cookies. But, I will give you a cookie if...and only if...(C moves
closer or backs away) you can name the song I’m singing...(C looks relieved) When I
have cookies in my mouth! (tauntingly)
(D shoves a decent amount of cookies in his mouth, and then attempts to sing “Sing,
Sing, Sing”)
C: (staring) I have no idea.
M: I know! (imitates) Can I have my cookie now?
D: ooh, I’m sorry, but no. You did not phrase your answer in the form of a question. The
correct answer was “What is...(badly-sung “sing sing sing” drumbeat.)”
(M & C stare.)
D: Guys, I’m kidding. It’s the song from that cookie commercial, “Sing, Sing, Sing.”
(sings brass parts).
(M&C still stare)
D: Here, Theater Dance will show you while they dance to “Sing, Sing, Sing.” Besides
being the song in the background of the cookie commercial, it’s a song by Benny
Goodman, the “King of Swing” and his orchestra. The song was only one of his tunes
that has been inducted into the Grammy hall of Fame.
M: Speaking of singing, I heard something backstage.
C: That was Kyle, Rachel and Jessica, warming up for their song, a “Heart full of Love”
from (mispronounced) Les Miserables.
D: (still mispronounced) Les Miserables? (stares at Clark for a beat) Wasn’t he the
football coach at OSU for a while?
M: No, guys, (pronounced correctly) Les Miserables is a musical about the life of a man
who was once a criminal, in revolutionary France, and how the Revolution tears his
family apart.
D: That’s so sad...it’s like when I run out of cookies. But at least Theatre Dance will cheer
us up with “Sing, Sing, Sing”
(exits with C, stage R)
M: But not before “A Heart full of Love” from Les Mis. Hey Danny! I know what song it
is now! Can I have a cookie?
(exits, stage R)
“A Heart full of Love”—Rachel, Jessica, Kyle
“Sing, Sing, Sing”—Theatre Dance

(All enter, stage ____)

M: We hope that you have all enjoyed tonight’s performance of the many styles of
American music.
K: Before Theatre Dance’s finale, ______________________, we would like to
recognize one of the early forms of American music: Ragtime.
J: The musical Ragtime was written about just that: Ragtime.
D: Ragtime was the American music that changed all American music to come after it. It
was different. It was syncopated; it was fun. People of all ages, rich and poor, black and
white, enjoyed this true American music. The musical Ragtime is about how the times
affected the music, and how the music affected the times and relationships of people.
C: But, before we wrap this up we have a few people to thank. First and foremost, is Ms.
Renee Rendall, the dance teacher at PC West. As you can see, she has done an incredible
working with and teaching the students, and we can tell you from personal experience,
that’s not always the easiest thing to do.
J: Secondly, the dancers themselves. Many extra hours have been put into this production,
and without them, you’d be listening to music and watching an empty stage.
R: We’d also like to thank Mrs. Brown, for being her lovely self, and helping with
anything we have needed throughout this showcase.
M: Buster Meeks, our principal, for supporting this program, along with all of the other
fine arts programs at West.
K: Western Heights, for allowing us to use their fabulous facility while our auditorium is
being rennovated.
D: And last, and definitely not least, is you, the audience. You’ve been wonderful. Thank
you.
R: So, to end tonight’s showcase, we will perform the title song from the musical
Ragtime,
C: followed by Theatre Dance performing their finale: _____________________

Ragtime—MCs
Finale—TD
Bows (woo hoo!)

Notes: