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stories and analogies

illustrations and analogies for motivation, inspiration,
learning and training
Here are some stories, analogies, research findings and other
examples that provide wonderful illustrations for learning, and
inspiration for self-development. Train-the-Trainer
Toolkit
Read about the travellers and the monk, tickle me elmo, get in the Tools no Trainer should
be without! Langevin
wheelbarrow, the person who had feelings, the shoe box story, the Learning Services
scorpion and the frog, murphy's plough, Pavlov's dogs, the monkeys www.langevinonline.com
and the stairs, and more.
Look at the stories index for stories listed by subject. Effective Work
Meetings
Make Meetings at Work
Or go straight to the stories. be Effective. Download
Free Step-by-Step guide
Analogies, stories, fables and case-studies are great ways to www.Cult-Branding.com/Meetings
illustrate teaching, training and business lessons.
Stories, examples, fables and research references add colour and Women's Leadership
substance to presentations and reports, and reinforce learning of all The center for women,
leadership and
types. management.
Research...and more
Some of these stories are ironic and so can best be used to illustrate www.simmons.edu/som
pitfalls and vulnerabilities rather than best practice. If you know who
wrote any of the unattributed stories below please let us know so
that credit can be given. Business Planning
Create models and
Read and enjoy and send me your own favourite stories and simulate impact of what-
if scenarios.
anecdotes. www.iseesystems.com/Software

Some of these stories might be offensive to certain people in certain

situations. If you are a strong advocate of political correctness or are
Thinking Methods
easily offended please don't read this page, or the rest of this Thinking for Innovation
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So, please don't use any of these stories in any situations that might www.IdeaConnection.com
cause offence to people.
See also the quotes page, which contains many more motivational,
educational and amusing anecdotes for writing, speaking, learning, Outlook Time
teaching and training. Management
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Communication Skills
Advanced English
story title learning, lessons, messages,
Courses In Thane.
examples of uses (not exhaustive) Speaking & Grammar,
Accent and More
the rich man and the possessions, enjoyment, materialism, www.BMConsultantsIndia.com
jewels story owning things
the atheist and the loyalty, payback and reward, taking sides, Icon Relocation
bear story changing sides A leading provider of
corporate relocation
the fairy story strategic alliances, ageism, sexism, solutions.
www.iconrelocation.co.uk
tactical awareness, the sisterhood,
loyalty, motives, assumptions, choices,
karma, be careful what you wish for
Learn Teaching Skills
circus story developing young people, coaching, Beginners or
Experienced Workshops
advising, talent development, career for Teachers/Trainers
choices www.inspiring-teachers.com

stranded car dilemma creativity, thinking outside of the box,

story decision-making, ethics
Corporate Training
Leaders in Outbound
the school story attendance, sickness, overcoming fears, Training Team Building &
responsibility Leadership
www.stepconsulting.org
the soldiers and the leadership
trench story
the john wayne story communications, confusion,
understanding, instructions
the blind men and the dependency, risk, stretching, motivation,
road story achievement, lifting personal limits
the doctor and the ethical decision-making, challenge and
thief story change choices
the preacher and the duty, regardless of demand and reward -
farmer story adapt provision according to needs
the old lady and the tactical advantage, underestimating
hearing-aid story people
mobile phone story assumptions, approvals, authority,
control, security, identity
the trench-digger story initiative, self-development, self-
discipline, making things happen, career
advancement, getting experience before
you get the job, getting a job requiring
experience when you have none - also
making assumptions and imagining or
suspecting the worst
the double-positive make your point and then know when to
story stop, language, communications, lateral
thinking, quick-thinking
the bath and bucket lateral thinking, making assumptions,
story dangers of judging people
the stamp story customer services, communications,
product design, customer inertia
the shot at dawn story ethics and culture, leadership integrity
and styles, decision-making, policy-
making
direct mail campaign human nature, integrity, delegation and
clanger story training, and advertising is a funny
business...
the god and eve story gender and sexual discrimination,
equality, battle of the sexes debates,
after-dinner speeches
the wrong guy interviews, preparation, thinking on your
interview story feet, communications, media nonsense,
persuasion (this is the famous BBC Guy
Goma interview story and video clip)
the very old lady story positive attitude, self-image, ageism, age
and beauty, perspective, wisdom
the train travellers relationships, assumptions, marriage,
story weddings speeches, best man speeches,
sex, sexism
the william pitt story working creatively to reach agreement,
managing situations and environments,
facilitation of agreements, negotiation
the biscuit factory story making assumptions, other people's
perspectives, individual needs and
motivations
the eggs story time management, creative thinking and
problem-solving, marriage, weddings
speeches, best man speeches, sex,
sexism
the translator story communications, assumptions, creativity,
deceit, language, relationships, karma,
cheats don't prosper
the buddha and the conflict, responding to other people's
abuse story negative behaviour, angry customers,
disruptive kids, bad-tempered bosses
the gandhi shoe story selflessness, compassion, generosity,
 logic, objectivity
the greta garbo negotiation tactics, negotiating position,
negotiation story independence and the power of choice
the jesse james story tactics, strategy, planning, morality, good
and bad in us all, yin and yang
the gorilla story negotiating, understanding
communications, agreeing clear
objectives and responsibilities
the priest and the time management, being late, public
politician story speaking
lipstick kisses on the creative thinking, creative problem-
mirror story solving, creative management techniques,
avoiding confrontation
measuring by averages analysis, measurement, statistics
story
the blind golfers story an ironic example of lack of empathy,
and different people's perspectives
the sales and for teams, motivation, team-building,
marketing rugby departmental cooperation, training, public
analogy story speaking
the lock and key story kindness and generosity, 'good pebble
ripples', memorable customer service
experiences
the stranger and the making assumptions, think before you
gingernuts story act, different perspectives
the new employees importance of induction training for new
stories starters, initiative and lateral thinking,
interpretation, delegation, rules, checking
and monitoring
the bedtime story communications, communications
methods, relationships, marriage,
weddings speeches, best man speeches,
sex, sexism
the sergeant major's management styles examples, autoctratic
rude parrot story management, submissive behaviour,
threats, meeting difficult behaviour head-
on
the farmer and the boy helping others, inspiration, gratitude and
story appreciation, good comes from doing
good, the power of legen
the brewery story to challenge belief systems and
assumptions, and the need for
 questioning pointless routine or policy
the rowing competition identifying and managing performance
story improvement, establishing cause and
accountability, theory x vs theory y, daft
executive judgements
the performance theory x shortcomings, mis-management
evaluation story
the no exit story different perspectives, viewpoints, how
different perspectives cause one thing to
appear as two different things
the old couple story positive/negative outlook, blame, attitude
two brothers and the initiative, responsibility, thinking outside
geese story the box, anticipating, strategic
anticipation, adding value to service,
value and reward
the piano story mentoring, coaching, understanding the
other person's development needs
the angry customer funny customer service example, keeping
story calm, keeping control, managing conflict,
angry customers
the clap and cheer positive attitude, taking pride in whatever
story you do
the bank story a lesson in customer service, how bad
policy encourages poor service
the fish baking story to challenge belief systems and
assumptions, and illustrate pointless
routine and the need for questioning
the donkey story positive attitudes, turning problems into
opportunities
the shepherd story IT consultants, business consultancy,
knowing your facts
the speed camera story creative thinking, teamwork,
understanding and using modern
technology - do not try this at home..
the three engineers different approaches to problem-solving,
story modern IT
the sweet old couple dangers of making assumptions,
story understand before you intervene
the men and women the other person's perspective, gender
differences story empathy, for weddings, best-man
speeches, johari window, empathy, NLP,
 etc
the aunt karen story using lessons, morals, analogies,
examples, interpretation, relatives,
families, drinking
the tickle me elmo induction training, communications, giving
story instructions, delegation, confusion
the get in the belief, trust, faith, commitment, walking
wheelbarrow story the walk
the charles plumb supporting others, supporting roles,
parachutes story leadership, acknowledging others, saying
thank you
the chickens story communications, confusing instructions,
testing, research and development
the chihuahua and the creative thinking, quick thinking,
leopard story escaping, averting disaster, bluff and
boldness
the cannibals story management, managers, secretaries,
initiative, habits, conforming, rules and
rule-breaking
the dog and the bone be content with what you have, greed
story and envy seldom pay (more Aesop's
fables)
the "always done it time management, challenging habits,
that way.." story assumptions, procedures, belief systems
the dam story how to write a good letter, making
assumptions, jumping to conclusions, and
how to defend wrong accusations with
humour
the blind men and the perception, truth, perspective, empathy,
elephant communications and understanding
the owl and the field- executive policy-making, theory versus
mouse story practice
the rat and the lion do good, what goes around comes
story around, karma
the two mules story show off expensive things at your peril,
the more you have the more you have to
lose
the travellers and the positive attitude, life outlook, positive
monk story philosophy, finding what we seek, self-
fulfilling prophecies
the person who had personalities and emotional baggage,
feelings story relating to transactional analysis,
conditioning and behaviour
the human resources new starters induction, ironic reference to
story human resources management, keeping
promises, employment standards,
changing jobs
the shoe box story delusion, men and women, marriage,
relationships, secrets, weddings and best-
man speeches
the businessman and ambition, work and fulfilment, purpose of
the fisherman story life, wealth creation, change for change's
sake
the microsoft story computers, WYSInotWYG, ironic
reference to computer software problems
the "it will for that making a difference, compassion,
one" story personal and social responsibility
the negotiation story negotiating, men and women, funny
responses
the mcclelland david mcclelland's achievement
motivation story motivation experiment, motivation
references and examples
the butterfly story coaching, teaching, enabling, facilitating,
interventions
the swimming pool reviews and asessments, assessing
story people, things are not always what they
seem
the butcher story business ethics, chickens come home to
roost, sins discovered, getting caught out,
lying to customers
the pavlov's dogs story behaviour, conditioning, fears and
neuroses, embedded attitudes and
responses
the beans up the nose accentuate the positive, visualization,
story auto-suggestion, negative suggestions
and attitudes
the hawthorne effect elton mayo's motivation experiments,
story motivation
the naval stand-off negotiation, do your research, know your
story facts
the room service story understanding, communicating,
interpretation, empathy, meaning,
language and translation
the project story project management, six phases of a
project, leadership and management
the mswindows car the power of PR, clever publicity, using
story humour for publicity, don't get mad get
even
the balloon story business, IT, humour, funny business
story
the monkey story company policy, organizational
development, group behaviour, group
beliefs, inertia and assumptions
the creativity story ten ways to murder creativity, leadership,
growth and development, innovation and
motivation
the scorpion and the responsibility, blame, reality, acceptance,
frog story delusion, expectations, personal
responsibility, empathy
the rocks in bucket time management, personal change,
story managing your activities and
environment, project management, life-
balance
the rocks in the bucket alternative funny version, students'
story II perspective
the murphy's plough positive thinking, negative thinking,
story retaliating before being attacked, thinking
the worst of people, tit-for-tat, eye-for-
an-eye

stories for teaching, training, lessons and

amusement
Stories add interest and enjoyment to learning, teaching and training - for teachers, trainers
and students.
Stories also increase impact and make ideas and concepts far more memorable.
Stories can be used to illustrate all sorts of themes and lessons, and most stories are extremely
flexible.
The themes suggested for the stories in this collection are the obvious examples.
Use your imagination - in most stories you can find many other themes to suit your own
purposes.
the jewels story (enjoyment, fulfillment, possession,
wealth, materialism, greed)
Once there was a very rich and greedy man. He loved and hoarded jewels.
One day a visitor asked to see them.
So the jewels were brought out, amid much expensive security, and the two men gazed at the
wonderful stones.
As the visitor was leaving he said, "Thank you for sharing your jewels with me."
"I didn't give them to you," exclaimed the rich man, "They belong to me."
"Yes of course," replied the visitor, "And while we enjoyed the jewels just the same, the real
difference between us is your trouble and expense of buying and protecting them."

(Thanks Jackie Carpenter, adaptated from an original item in New Internationalist 137.)

the atheist and the bear story (loyalty, conviction,

payback and reward, changing sides)
A committed atheist (that's someone who steadfastly does not believe in a god of any sort) was
on a trekking holiday when he became lost in some dense woods.
A large angry bear, with ten starving cubs back home and claws like kitchen knives, suddenly
emerged from the undergrowth.
The athiest screamed in terror, turned and ran. The bear was quicker however, and after a long
and desperate chase eventually cornered the atheist in a gully.
The exhausted atheist sank to his knees, shaking.
The bear, seeing that its prey was trapped, moved slowly towards the petrified man, drooling.
The bear was drooling too.
The atheist lifted his head, with tears in his eyes, and uttered the words he thought he would
never say in all his life: "God help me..."
With these simple three words, a blinding flash of lightning lit up the sky. There was a
deafening crash of thunder. The clouds parted. A brilliant light shone down. The forest fell
silent. The bear froze still, in a trance. The atheist stood gaping, transfixed.
A voice came loud from above. Louder than twenty AC/DC concerts all happening at the same
time. We can safely assume this voice to have been the voice of a god of some sort.
"You atheists make me seriously mad," boomed the god, "You deny me all your life. You tell
others to deny me too. You put your faith in all that bloody Darwinian airy-fairy scientific
nonsense, and then what a surprise - you get lost because you can't read your stupid map, and
now you're about to get eaten by an angry bear all of a sudden you're on your knees snivveling
and begging for my help?......... You must be joking..."
The atheist looked down, realising that he was not arguing from a position of strength.
"Okay, I take your point," said the atheist, thinking on his feet, while he still had them, "I can
see it's a bit late for me to convert, but what about the bear?... Maybe you could convert the
bear instead?"
"Hmmn... interesting idea..." said the god, thinking hard, "...Okay. It shall be done." At which
the brilliant light dimmed and vanished; the clouds closed; and the noises of the forest resumed.
The bear awoke and shook its head, a completely different expression on its face. Calm, at
peace.
The bear closed its eyes, bowed its head, and said, "For what we are about to receive, may the
Lord make us truly thankful, Amen.."
THE END
_________________________________

N.B. The grace prayer in the punchline is the version commonly taught in UK schools.
Alternatives might work better depending on the audience, for example:
"Come Lord Jesus, be our guest, let this food of ours be blessed. Amen.." (suggesting an
Australian bear of unspecific denomination)
"Lass't uns beten! O Herr, segne uns und diese deine gaben, die wir von deiner Güte nun
empfangen werden. Durch Christus, unseren Herr'n! Amen.." (suggesting a German Catholic
bear)
You will perhaps devise your own endings. Perhaps your own animals. Perhaps your own god.
It has been suggested that this story could offend certain sensitivities.
I apologise therefore to bears everywhere.
(Adapted from a story sent by S Hart, thank you.)

A much shorter and simpler version of this story (thanks D Baudois) is as follows:

the missionary man and the lion story

A missionary came upon a hungry lion in the middle of the African plain.
The missionary knelt and prayed, "God, please give this lion a christian soul!"
The lion stopped, knelt, and prayed also: "Lord above, may this meal be blessed.."

the fairy story (strategic alliances, tactical awareness,

ageism, sexism, being careful about what you wish for
and how you go about getting it)
A couple were dining out together celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.
After the meal, the husband presented his wife romantically with a beautiful very old gold
antique locket on a chain.
Amazingly when his wife opened the locket, a tiny fairy appeared.
Addressing the astonished couple, the fairy said, "Your forty years of devotion to each other has
released me from this locket, and in return I can now grant you both one wish each - anything
you want.."
Without hesitating, the wife asked, "Please, can I travel to the four corners of the world with
my husband, as happy and in love as we've always been?"
The fairy waved her wand with a flourish, and magically there on the table were two first-class
tickets for a round-the-world holiday.
Staggered, the couple looked at each other, unable to believe their luck.
"Your turn," said the fairy and the wife to the husband.
The husband thought for a few seconds, and then said, with a little guilt in his voice, "Forgive
me, but to really enjoy that holiday of a lifetime - I yearn for a younger woman - so I wish that
my wife could be thirty years younger than me."
Shocked, the fairy glanced at the wife, and with a knowing look in her eye, waved her wand.....
and the husband became ninety-three.

(Adapted from a suggestion from J Riley, thanks.)

circus story (developing young people, talent, career

choice, parenting)
This short story - it's a joke really - can be used to illustrate attitudes to developing young
people, career direction, and especially the advice and aspirations of parents and coaches,
which might be different to the dreams of the individual...
In a circus, the Bearded Lady and the World's Strongest Man fell in love, and decided to start a
family.
Soon the Bearded Lady fell pregnant.
A few weeks before she was due to give birth, the Bearded Lady and the circus ring-master
were talking.
"How's it going?" the ring-master asked, "Are you well?"
"Yes thanks - very excited," said the bearded lady, "We have so many plans for the baby - we
want to be supportive parents."
"That's nice," said the ring-master, "Do you want a boy or a girl?"
"Oh, we really don't mind as long as it's healthy," said the Bearded Lady, "And it fits into the
cannon.."
(Thanks DC)

stranded car dilemma story (creative thinking, ethics,

decision-making)
This story is adapted from a scenario which featured in a widely circulated email, in which
(supposedly) job applicants were given loosely the following question to answer, to indicate
their personality and decision-making motives (supposedly). The job application context is
extremely doubtful, but the lesson in creative thinking is interesting, especially if people are not
given too long to dwell on it:
You are driving alone in two-seater car on a deserted road in blizzard conditions, when you see
another car which has recently run off the road and into a tree. There are three people in the
stranded car, none of whom is injured:

an old friend, who once saved your life

your childhood sweetheart greatest lost love
an elderly lady

No-one has a phone. The likelihood of any more passing traffic is effectively zero. The
conditions are too dangerous for people to walk anywhere. It is not possible to tow the crashed
car. The nearest town is an hour's drive away.
The question is: Given that your car is just a two-seater, in what order should the stranded
people be taken to the nearest town?
Answer

the school story (attendance, sickness, responsibility,

parenting, and various other uses)
My apologies if this story is well-known to you. It's an old joke, yet a useful illustration for
various themes.
A mother repeatedly called upstairs for her son to get up, get dressed and get ready for school.
It was a familiar routine, especially at exam time.
"I feel sick," said the voice from the bedroom.
"You are not sick. Get up and get ready," called the mother, walking up the stairs and hovering
outside the bedroom door.
"I hate school and I'm not going," said the voice from the bedroom, "I'm always getting things
wrong, making mistakes and getting told off. Nobody likes me, and I've got no friends. And we
have too many tests and they are too confusing. It's all just pointless, and I'm not going to
school ever again."
"I'm sorry, but you are going to school," said the mother through the door, continuing
encouragingly, "Really, mistakes are how we learn and develop. And please try not to take
criticism so personally. And I can't believe that nobody likes you - you have lots of friends at
school. And yes, all those tests can be confusing, but we are all tested in many ways
throughout our lives, so all of this experience at school is useful for life in general. Besides, you
have to go, you are the headteacher."

(Based on a suggestion from P Hallinger, thanks.)

the soldiers and the trench story (leadership)

The story goes that sometime, close to a battlefield over 200 years ago, a man in civilian
clothes rode past a small group of exhausted battle-weary soldiers digging an obviously
important defensive position. The section leader, making no effort to help, was shouting orders,
threatening punishment if the work was not completed within the hour.
"Why are you are not helping?" asked the stranger on horseback.
"I am in charge. The men do as I tell them," said the section leader, adding, "Help them
yourself if you feel strongly about it."
To the section leader's surprise the stranger dismounted and helped the men until the job was
finished.
Before leaving the stranger congratulated the men for their work, and approached the puzzled
section leader.
"You should notify top command next time your rank prevents you from supporting your men -
and I will provide a more permanent solution," said the stranger.
Up close, the section leader now recognized General Washington, and also the lesson he'd just
been taught.
(This story is allegedly based on truth. Whatever, similar examples are found in history, and
arise in modern times too, so please forgive the mythical possibility of the above attribution; the
story's message is more important than its historical accuracy.)

the john wayne story (instructions, communications,

understanding, confused messages)
It is said that when filming the biblical epic The Greatest Story Ever Told, the director George
Stevens was trying to encourage extra passion from John Wayne when delivering the highly
significant line, "Truly, this was the Son of God."
"You are talking about Jesus - think about it," said Stevens, "You've got to say it with awe."
For the next take John Wayne duly summoned his most intense feelings. He paused
dramatically, and said:
"Aw, truly this was the Son of God."
the blind men and the road story (stretching,
dependency, risk, achievement under pressure)
A blind man had been waiting a while at a busy road for someone to offer to guide him across,
when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
"Excuse me," said the tapper, "I'm blind - would you mind guiding me across the road?"
The first blind man took the arm of the second blind man, and they both crossed the road.
Apparently this is a true story. The first blind man was the jazz pianist George Shearing. He is
quoted (in Bartlett's Anecdotes) as saying after the event, "What could I do? I took him across
and it was the biggest thrill of my life."
There are times when we think we cannot do something and so do not stretch or take a risk.
Being forced to stretch and take a risk can often help us to reduce our dependencies (on
others, or our own personal safety mechanisms), and to discover new excitement and
capabilities. The poem Come to the Edge is another wonderful perspective on risk and
stretching.

the doctor and the thief story (ethical decision making -

also adaptability, flexibility, accepting what cannot be
changed)
A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I've become a compulsive thief."
The doctor prescribes him a course of tablets and says, "If you're not cured in a couple of
weeks would you get me a widescreen television?"
This is not a lesson of ideal behaviour, it's a humorous illustration of options - whether to try to
change something, to accept it or to actively support it. Such decisions normally have two main
reference points - the difficulty of the change, and the ethical implications of the situation.
The Serenity Prayer is a different and less cynical view of change and choices.

the preacher and the farmer story (understanding the

needs of your people, caring for minorities and
individuals, looking deeper than the mainstream)
An old hill farming crofter trudges several miles through freezing snow to his local and very
remote chapel for Sunday service. No-one else is there, aside from the clergyman.
"I'm not sure it's worth proceeding with the service - might we do better to go back to our
warm homes and a hot drink?.." asks the clergyman, inviting a mutually helpful reaction from
his audience of one.
"Well, I'm just a simple farmer," says the old crofter, "But when I go to feed my herd, and if
only one beast turns up, I sure don't leave it hungry."
So the clergyman, feeling somewhat ashamed, delivers his service - all the bells and whistles,
hymns and readings, lasting a good couple of hours - finishing proudly with the fresh
observation that no matter how small the need, our duty remains. And he thanks the old farmer
for the lesson he has learned.
"Was that okay?" asks the clergyman, as the two set off home.
"Well I'm just a simple farmer," says the old crofter, "But when I go to feed my herd, and if
only one beast turns up, I sure don't force it to eat what I brought for the whole herd..."
From which we see the extra lesson, that while our duty remains regardless of the level of
need, we have the additional responsibility to ensure that we adapt our delivery (of whatever is
our stock in trade) according to the requirements of our audience.
(Adapted from a suggestion from P Hallinger, and based apparently on a story told by Roland
Barth, whom I assume to be the US educationalist.)

the old lady and the hearing-aid story (assumptions

about weaknesses, underestimating people, tactical
advantage)
An old lady had a hearing-aid fitted, hidden underneath her hair.
A week later she returned to the doctor for her check-up.
"It's wonderful - I can hear everything now," she reported very happily to the doctor.
"And is your family pleased too?" asked the doctor.
"Oh I haven't told them yet," said the old lady, "And I've changed my will twice already.."

(Thanks BC. Based on a letter published in the newspaper several years ago, written by the
doctor. I suspect variations of this story have been told many times elsewhere too.)

the mobile phone story (assumptions, authority, control,

the risks of modern communications and technology,
privacy, security, identity theft, etc)
Several men were in a golf club locker room.
A mobile phone rings.
"Yes I can talk," says the man answering the call, "You're shopping are you? That's nice."
The listening men smile to each other.
"You want to order those new carpets? Okay.. And they'll include the curtains for an extra five
thousand?.. Sure, why not?"
More smiles among the listeners.
"You want to book that week on Necker Island?.. They're holding the price at twenty-two
thousand?.. Sounds a bargain.. You want a fortnight?.. If that's what you want honey, okay by
me."
Smiles turn to expressions of mild envy.
"And you want to give the builder the go-ahead for the new conservatory? Seventy-five
thousand if we say yes today? Sounds fair.. sure, that's fine."
The listeners exchange glances of amazement.
"Okay sugar, see you later.. Yes, love you too," says the man, ending the call.
He looks at the other men and says, "Whose phone is this anyhow?.."

the trench-digger story (initiative, self-development,

making things happen, career advancement, how to get
a job requiring experience when you have none)
This is adapted from (apparently) a true story.
An elderly couple retired to the countryside - to a small isolated cottage overlooking some
rugged and rocky heathland.
One early morning the woman saw from her window a young man dressed in working clothes
walking on the heath, about a hundred yards away. He was carrying a spade and a small case,
and he disappeared from view behind a copse of trees.
The woman thought no more about it but around the same time the next day she saw the man
again, carrying his spade and a small case, and again he disappeared behind the copse.
The woman mentioned this to her husband, who said he was probably a farmer or gamekeeper
setting traps, or performing some other country practice that would be perfectly normal, and so
not to worry.
However after several more sightings of the young man with the spade over the next two weeks
the woman persuaded her husband to take a stroll - early, before the man tended to arrive - to
the copse of trees to investigate what he was doing.
There they found a surprisingly long and deep trench, rough and uneven at one end, becoming
much neater and tidier towards the other end.
"How strange," the old lady said, "Why dig a trench here - and in such difficult rocky ground?"
and her husband agreed.
Just then the young man appeared - earlier than his usual time.
"You're early," said the old woman, making light of their obvious curiosity, "We wondered what
you were doing - and we also wondered what was in the case."
"I'm digging a trench," said the man, who continued, realising a bigger explanation was
appropriate, "I'm actually learning how to dig a good trench, because the job I'm being
interviewed for later today says that experience is essential - so I'm getting the experience. And
the case - it's got my lunch in it."
He got the job.
(Adapted from a suggestion - thanks R Columbo)

double-positive story (make your point and then know

when to stop, language, communications, lateral
thinking, quick-thinking)
On hearing one of his students use the expression, "I don't know nothing about it..." a teacher
took the opportunity to explain about double negatives and correct grammar to the class.
The teacher explained, "In the English language a double negative makes the statement
positive, so your assertion that you 'don't know nothing about it' is actually an admission that
you do know something about it."
Encouraged by the interest in this revelation among certain class members, the teacher went on
to demonstrate more of his knowledge of world languages: "Of course not all languages operate
according to the same grammatical rules, for example, in Russian, a double negative remains
negative, although perhaps surprisingly, there is not a single language anywhere in the world in
which a double positive makes a negative.."
At which a voice from the back of the classroom called out ironically "Yeah, right.."

(This is adapted from a story sent to me by M Morris. Apparently the original story was based
on a true incident at a Modern Language Association meeting in New York in the mid-1970's,
reported in the NY Times. The quick-witted response in the original story, actually "Yeah,
yeah..", seemingly came from from Sidney Morganbesser, a professor of philosophy who was
noted for his speedy retorts. Thanks M Morris, Apr 2007.)

the bath and the bucket story (lateral thinking, making

assumptions, dangers of judging people)
Given the title (on the subject of buckets..) and its quick simple message, this story is a good
partner analogy to the rocks in a bucket time management story.
The story illustrates lateral thinking, narrow-mindedness, the risks of making assumptions, and
judging people and situations:
A party of suppliers was being given a tour of a mental hospital.
One of the visitors had made some very insulting remarks about the patients.
After the tour the visitors were introduced to various members of staff in the canteen.
The rude visitor chatted to one of the security staff, Bill, a kindly and wise ex-policeman.
"Are they all raving loonies in here then?" said the rude man.
"Only the ones who fail the test," said Bill.
"What's the test?" said the man.
"Well, we show them a bath full of water, a bucket, a jug and an egg-cup, and we ask them
what's the quickest way to empty the bath," said Bill.
"Oh I see, simple - the normal ones know it's the bucket, right?"
"No actually," said Bill, "The normal ones say pull out the plug. Should I check when there's a
bed free for you?"

the stamp story (customer services, communications,

product design, customer inertia)
The staff at an old people's home were puzzled when one of the residents began gargling with
TCP. They asked her why but all she would say was that something had happened at the post-
office. This is what actually occurred.
The old lady, who rarely ventured out, had visited the post office to post a letter.
She bought a stamp, and since there was a long queue behind her she stepped aside. She put
her change in her purse, licked the stamp and put it on her letter. Despite pressing and
thumping and licking it again, the stamp failed to stick.
"Excuse me, this stamp won't stick," said the old lady.
"You need to peel the paper off the back," explained the clerk.
The old lady put on her spectacles, fiddled for a few seconds to peel off the backing paper -
and then licked the stamp again.
"It still won't stick," interrupted the old lady again.
"It's a self-stick stamp," said the assistant.
"Well this one isn't sticking at all - there's something wrong with it," demanded the old lady.
"Well it won't stick now because you've licked it."
"Well I'm totally confused now," said the old lady.
"Just give it here and I'll post it for you," said the cashier, and doing her best to explain
continued, "These new stamps don't need licking. They are self-sticking. They save time. They
are already sticky."
The old lady continued to look blankly at the assistant.
"Look," said the well-meaning but desperate post-office clerk, "Just imagine they've already
been licked..."
Which sent the old lady scurrying out of the door and across the road to the chemist.
(Thanks Stephen Rafe for the original tale from which the above was adapted. Stephen also
provided another example of confused customer service communications, in which the customer
was convinced for a while that the customer service person was somehow carrying on his work
from inside prison, because the bad line was due to him speaking from his cell-phone..)
the shot at dawn campaign story (ethics and culture,
leadership integrity and styles, decision-making, policy-
making,)
By December 1916 more than 17,000 British troops were officially diagnosed as suffering from
nervous or mental disability (we'd say shell-shock or post-traumatic stress disorder these days),
despite which the British military authorities continued to charge and convict sufferers with
'cowardice' and 'desertion', and to sentence to death by firing squad many of those found
'guilty'.
On 16 August 2006 the British government announced that it would pardon 308 British soldiers
who were shot by firing squad for 'cowardice' and 'desertion' during the First World War of
1914-18. The decision was ratified by Parliament on 7 November 2006, and represented a
remarkable u-turn by this and previous governments who had always firmly refuted any
evidence and justification for pardoning the victims.
This reversal followed and was largely due to decades of persistent lobbying and campaigning
by organisations and individuals, many being families and descendents of the victims. It is not
easy to imagine their suffering, especially of the widows and parents long since gone, for whom
this decision came a lifetime too late.
The story emphasises two things: first, that people in authority have a responsibility to behave
with integrity. Second, that where people in authority fail to act with integrity, the persistence
and determination of ordinary people will eventually force them to do so.
Here is more background about the Shot At Dawn campaign, and the history of this particularly
shameful example of British institutional behaviour.
It provides lessons to us all about doing the right thing, and calling to account those who do
not.
See the related discussion ideas for developing awareness and understanding of the issues and
how they relate to us all.
N.B. Some people will not agree with this interpretation. This makes it such an
interesting subject for debate, especially in transferring the issues and principles to
modern challenges in organisations, and the world beyond.

direct mail campaign clanger story (human nature,

integrity, delegation and training, and advertising is a
funny business...)
This is a true story. Some years ago a client engaged a consultant to help with a small postal
mailing to the purchasing departments of blue chip corporations. The consultant sourced the list
(which was provided on MSExcel) and drafted the letter. Thereafter the client was keen to take
control of the project, ie., to run the mail-merge and the fulfilment (basically printing, envelope-
stuffing and mailing).
The consultant discovered some weeks later that a junior member of the client's marketing
department had sorted the list (changed the order of the listed organisations in the
spreadsheet), but had sorted the company name column only, instead of all columns, with the
result that every letter (about 500) was addressed and sent to a blue chip corporation at
another entirely different corporation's address.
Interestingly the mailing produced a particularly high response, which when investigated
seemed to stem from the fact that an unusually high percentage of letters were opened and
read, due apparently to the irresistible temptation of reading another corporation's mail...

the god and eve story (gender and sexual

discrimination, equality, battle of the sexes debates,
after-dinner speaking, etc)
"God, I've been thinking.." says Eve one day.
"What's on your mind Eve?" says God.
"Well, I know that you created me and this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful
creatures, but lately I've been feeling that maybe there's more to life."
"Go on..." says God.
"Sometimes I get a bit bored - I fancy a bit of fun. And I get a bit fed up with all the heaving
lifting and carrying, and warding off the mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers, not to mention
that bloody snake. This garden can be dangerous place."
"I see," says God, pausing for thought.
"Eve, I have a cunning plan," says God, "I shall create Man for you."
"Man?" asks Eve, "What is Man?"
"Man..." says God, "Is a flawed creature. He will have many weaknesses and disgusting habits.
Man will lie, cheat and behave like an idiot - in fact mostly he'll be a complete pain in the
backside. But on the plus side he'll be big and strong, and will be able to protect you, and hunt
and kill things, which might be handy sometimes. He will tend to lose control of mind and body
when aroused, but with a bit training can reach an acceptable standard in the bedroom
department, if you know what I mean."
"Hmm," says Eve, "Seems like this Man idea might be worth a try, but tell me God, is there
anything else I need to know?"
"Just this," says God, "Man comes with one condition... In keeping with his arrogant, deluded,
self-important character, Man will naturally believe that he was made first, and frankly we all
have better things to do than argue, so you must keep all this a secret between us, if that's
okay with you. You know, woman to woman.."
(unknown origin - if you can shed any light on the origin please contact me - thanks CB)

the wrong guy interview story (interviews, preparation,

thinking on your feet, communications)
This is a true story. It concerned Guy Goma, a lovely cuddly business graduate from the Congo,
who on 8th May 2006 attended the BBC building in West London for an interview for an IT job.
At the same time, the BBC News 24 TV channel was expecting a Guy Kewney, editor of the
website Newswireless.net for a live 10.30am studio interview about the Apple court case
judgement. (Apple Corps, owned by surviving Beatles McCartney and Starr, lost their case
against Apple Computers, in which they sought to prevent the Apple name being used in
relation to iTunes music downloads.)
Due to failed communications, entirely the BBC's fault (both Guys were blameless in this), the
BBC News 24 staff grabbed the wrong Guy (waiting in a different reception to Guy Kewney),
who, being an unassuming, foreign and extremely polite fellow, dutifully took his place in the
studio, and after declining make-up (really), was introduced on live TV to viewers as Guy
Kewney, editor of the technology website 'Newswireless', and then asked three questions by the
BBC News 24 business presenter Karen Bowerman about the Apple judgements and its
implications for internet music downloading.
Meanwhile the real Guy Kewney sat and watched 'himself' on the monitor in the BBC reception.
See the interview.
What's so utterly fascinating about this, is:
Guy Goma initially expresses surprise about the interview situation, but, largely due to his
broken English and heavy French accent the interviewer interprets and leads Mr Goma's
response to mean that he is surprised about the court judgement. If you listen carefully Guy
Goma does actually mention his 'interview' in his first answer. See the transcript below.
However the pressure of the situation is too great and he has little option other than to play out
the role that the fates have created for him. He actually does quite well, given that he knows
little about the subject. Subsequent media reports that Guy Goma was a taxi driver are false -
he's a business graduate. He later attended his IT job interview but regrettably was
unsuccessful. You can read what Guy Kewney thought of it all on his own blog at
www.newswireless.net (there are several entries - read them all to see the full picture).

the wrong guy interview transcript

Karen Bowerman: ...Well, Guy Kewney is editor of the technology website Newswireless.
[Camera switches to Guy Goma's face, portraying a mixture of shock, disbelief and impending
disaster.]
KB: Hello, good morning to you.
Guy Goma: Good morning.
KB: Were you surprised by this verdict today?
GG: I am very surprised to see... this verdict, to come on me because I was not expecting that.
When I came they told me something else and I am coming. Got an interview... [another word,
impossible to discern] .... a big surprise anyway.
KB: A big surprise, yes, yes. [seeming a little anxious]
GG: Exactly. [growing in confidence]
KB: With regard to the costs involved do you think now more people will be downloading
online?
GG: Actually, if you go everywhere you are gonna see a lot of people downloading to internet
and the website everything they want. But I think, is much better for development and to
empower people what they want and to get on the easy way and so faster if they are looking
for.
KB: This does really seem the way the music industry's progressing now, that people want to
go onto the website and download music.
GG: Exactly. You can go everywhere on the cyber cafe and you can take [maybe 'check'?], you
can go easy. It's going to be very easy way for everyone to get something to the internet.
KB: Thank you [actually sounds more like 'Thank Kewney' - as if Ms Bowerman was a little
distracted, no wonder]. Thanks very much indeed.
Lessons from this:

Good clear communications are essential when managing any sort of interview.
Pressure situations can easily lead people (especially interviewees) to give false impressions,
which are no help to anyone.
The behaviours demonstrated in this incident illustrate the power of suggestion, and NLP,
albeit used mostly inadvertently in this case; the point is that all communications involve a
hell of a lot more than just words..
The power of the media to interpret just about anything for their own journalistic purposes
is bloody frightening.

At some stage in the future the link to the BBC interview clip might cease working - I don't
know how long they keep these things. Let me know when and if you can no longer see the
video clip and I'll source it elsewhere.

the very old lady story (positive attitude, self-image,

ageism)
A very old lady looked in the mirror one morning. She had three remaining hairs on her head,
and being a positive soul, she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she braided her three
hairs, and she had a great day.
Some days later, looking in the mirror one morning, preparing for her day, she saw that she
had only two hairs remaining. "Hmm, two hairs... I fancy a centre parting today." She duly
parted her two hairs, and as ever, she had a great day.
A week or so later, she saw that she had just one hair left on her head. "One hair huh...," she
mused, "I know, a pony-tail will be perfect." And again she had a great day.
The next morning she looked in the mirror. She was completely bald.
"Finally bald huh," she said to herself, "How wonderful! I won't have to waste time doing my
hair any more.."
(Ack CB)

the train travellers story (relationships, assumptions,

etc)
A wealthy businessman who is used to getting his own way finds himself sharing a sleeper
compartment with a beautiful young woman as they travel to Brussells on the train. It is winter
and the heating is not working so the compartment is cold.
The two settle down to sleep.
"Two strangers, on a train..." says the businessman.
"Yes," says the woman.
"A man and a woman - away from home - probably never meet again.." Says the businessman.
"Yes," says the woman.
"It's cold, isn't it?" says the businessman.
"Yes," says the woman.
"Could you pass me another blanket?" says the businessman, "... Or maybe we could pretend
to be man and wife for tonight?.."
"Yes, that would be good," says the woman, "Get your own bloody blanket."

the william pitt story (working creatively to reach

agreement, managing situations and environments,
facilitation of agreements)
There is the story of William Pitt, 1759-1806, British statesman and Prime Minister from 1783-
1801, who once sought to expedite a crucial agreement in Parliament for the movement of the
British fleet to defend against the French. The Chancellor of the Exchequer, Lord Newcastle, had
certain objections, but when Pitt called on the Chancellor endeavouring to resolve the
differences, he found the Chancellor distinctly unhappy in bed suffering with gout. The bedroom
was freezing, and when Pitt remarked on this, Lord Newcastle replied that the cold weather
would hinder the fleet movement, but more particularly that the combination of the cold
conditions and the gout would prevent any further discussion of the issue at that time, which
Pitt quickly judged to be at the root of the problem. Begging the Chancellor's pardon, Pitt calmly
removed his boots, climbed into bed and drew up the covers (apparently there was another bed
in the room..), whereupon the two were able to discuss the matter and soon agreed a united
way forward.

the biscuit factory story (making assumptions, other

people's perspectives, individual needs and motivations)
This is a true story. Some years ago the following exchange was broadcast on an Open
University sociology TV programme.
An interviewer was talking to a female production-line worker in a biscuit factory. The dialogue
went like this:
Interviewer: How long have you worked here?
Production Lady: Since I left school (probably about 15 years).
Interviewer: What do you do?
Production Lady: I take packets of biscuits off the conveyor belt and put them into cardboard
boxes.
Interviewer: Have you always done the same job?
Production Lady: Yes.
Interviewer: Do you enjoy it?
Production Lady: Oooh Yes, it's great, everyone is so nice and friendly, we have a good laugh.
Interviewer (with a hint of disbelief): Really? Don't you find it a bit boring?
Production Lady: Oh no, sometimes they change the biscuits...

My thanks to Shirley Moon for this lovely story, who also points out the following lessons within
it:

Do not impose your own needs and ambitions on to other people who may not share them.
Don't assume that things that motivate you will motivate someone else.
Recognise that sources of happiness may vary widely between people.

See also the sections on personality styles, multiple intelligence and learning styles, and
motivation, which all relate to this story.

a short story about eggs (time management, creative

thinking and problem-solving)
A young woman was in her kitchen.
A pan of water was simmering on the stove.
She was making boiled eggs for breakfast.
He walked in.
Their eyes met.
"Make love to me here, now," she said.
They made love on the kitchen table.
"Couldn't resist me, huh?" he said.
"The egg timer is broken," she replied.

Of course this story is a bit far-fetched given that an egg timer lasts for three whole minutes..
(Ack Detoxman)
the translator story (communications, assumptions,
creativity, deceit, language, relationships, just deserts)
The story goes that a prominent, married, philandering, wealthy politician took advantage of a
young female Italian translator during an overseas visit. Shortly after his return home he
received a phone call at his office from the woman informing him that she was pregnant and
that he was definitely the father.
Seemingly experienced at dealing with such situations, the politician instructed the young
woman, "I will arrange for you and the child to be provided for. Do not worry about money. I
will pay ten times the typical Italian settlement, but this must be kept secret."
"I see," said the young woman, a little taken aback, but since she knew the man and his
reputation she was not unduly surprised, and was also entirely happy never to see or speak to
him again.
He went on, "Don't ever call me again. Send me a postcard with some sort of coded message
confirming date of birth, that the child is healthy and whether a boy or girl. Use your
imagination - you are a translator after all."
"As you wish," said the young woman, and ended the call.
A little under nine months later the politician's wife (who was also his PA) was opening his mail.
When she came to a particular postcard the politician noticed and suddenly became attentive.
"Here's a postcard..." said his wife.
"Oh yes," said the politician, "What does it say?"
"Just a silly joke I think," said his wife, continuing, as she watched the colour drain from her
husband's face, "It says: 'March 12th - Just had three big beautiful bowls of spaghetti - all with
meatballs..' "
(Ack SF)

the helpful old lady story (check the facts, false

assumptions, etc)
One afternoon, an old lady, laden with shopping, noticed two small boys on the front step of a
house. With their bags and uniforms they were obviously going home after school. They were
on tip-toe trying to reach the door-bell with a stick.
"Poor little lads, they can't get in," she thought, "Parents these days just don't seem to care."
So she marched up the path, reached over the boys and gave the bell a long firm push.
The surprised boys turned around and screamed "Quick, run!" and promptly disappeared over
the garden wall.

the buddha and the abuse story (responding to other

people's negative behaviour; angry customers,
disruptive kids, bad-tempered bosses, etc)
A tale is told about the Buddha, Gautama (563-483BC), the Indian prince and spiritual leader
whose teachings founded Buddhism. This short story illustrates that every one of us has the
choice whether or not to take personal offence from another person's behaviour.
It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found
himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some
reason very angry.
The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to
the group and to the stranger, "If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to
decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept
the gift?"
"The giver," said the group after a little thought. "Any fool can see that," added the angry
stranger.
"Then it follows, does it not," said the Buddha, "Whenever a person tries to abuse us, or to
unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to
make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who
owns and keeps the bad feelings."
(This is related to Transactional Analysis)

the gandhi shoe story (selfless compassion, generosity

without strings)
Mohandas [Mahatma] Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948), the great Indian statesman and
spiritual leader is noted for his unusual humanity and selflessness, which this story epitomises.
Gandhi was boarding a train one day with a number of companions and followers, when his
shoe fell from his foot and disappeared in the gap between the train and platform. Unable to
retrieve it, he took off his other shoe and threw it down by the first. Responding to the
puzzlement of his fellow travellers, Gandhi explained that a poor person who finds a single shoe
is no better off - what's really helpful is finding a pair.
Separately, Gandhi was once asked what he thought of Western Civilisation. Gandhi replied: "I
think that it would be a very good idea."
The notion still applies.
(More inspirational and amusing quotes.)

greta garbo negotiation story (negotiation tactics,

negotiating position, independence and the power of
choice)
Great Garbo (1905-90), the 1930's Swedish-born film star, demonstrated how to negotiate with
a bullying adversary, and particularly the tactic of 'walking away'. After Garbo had become
established as a major star, she decided to negotiate a contract that suitably reflected her
considerable box-office value to the producers. Accordingly she demanded a weekly fee of
$5,000 - compared to the derisory $350 a week she'd previously been paid. When film mogul
Louis Mayer heard Garbo's demand he offered her $2,500. Garbo replied simply, in her
Swedish-American accent, "I think I go home.." And off she went.
Garbo returned to her hotel and stayed there, not budging, while Mayer stewed - for seven
months - at which Mayer eventually caved in and gave Garbo what she asked for.
(Interestingly Garbo never actually said, "I want to be alone". There phrase was in fact "I want
to be left alone," which her character Grusinskaya said in Garbo's 1932 film Grand Hotel. The
resonance of the words with Garbo's real life didn't just extend to her negotiating style: she
retired in 1941 with the world still at her feet, and lived the rest of her life an obsessive recluse
in New York after becoming a US citizen in 1951.)

the jesse james story (tactics, morality, good and bad in

us all)
The notorious American Wild West bank robber Jesse James (1847-82) was hunted and
demonised by the authorities, but was held in high regard by many ordinary folk. Here's an
example of why:
The story goes that Jesse James and his gang had taken refuge for a few days in ramshackle
farmhouse after one of their raids. The old widow who lived there fed the men, and apologised
for her modest offerings and the poor state of the accommodation. While the gang laid low,
they learned from the widow that she faced eviction from her landlord and was expecting a visit
from his debt collector any day. Taking pity on the old lady, as they left, the gang gave her
some of the spoils of their robbery to settle her debt - several hundred dollars, which was a
small fortune in those days. The gang moved on, but only to a nearby copse, where for a
couple more days they watched and waited for the arrival - and departure - of the debt
collector, whom they promptly held up and robbed.
Of course robbing anyone is bad, but if you've got to rob someone...

the gorilla story (negotiating, understanding

communications, agreeing clear objectives and
responsibilities)
A zoo had among its animals a female gorilla, whose mood was becoming increasingly difficult.
The vet concluded that she was on heat and that a mate should be found. The vet contacted
some other nearby zoos to find a partner for the broody female, but to no avail. The female
gorilla's behaviour continued to worsen, but the vet noticed that she grew calmer, and strangely
responsive, whenever a particularly well-built and none-too-handsome keeper entered the
enclosure. Being an unprincipled and adventurous fellow, the vet put an outrageous proposition
to the keeper: For a fee of five hundred pounds would the keeper consider spending a little
'quality time' with the gorilla, purely in the interests of research of course?....
The keeper, also an unprincipled and adventurous fellow, pondered the suggestion, and after a
few minutes agreed to the offer, subject to three conditions. The vet, intrigued, listened to the
keeper's demands:
"First," the keeper said, "No kissing."
"Fine," said the vet.
"Second, no-one must ever know - if this gets out I'll kill you."
"You have my word," said the vet, "And your final condition?"
"It's just," said the keeper a little awkwardly, "Can I have a couple of weeks to raise the five
hundred quid?"
(With acknowledgements to Shane and apologies to vets and zoo-keepers everywhere.)

the priest and the politician story (time management,

being late, public speaking)
After twenty-five years in the same parish, Father O'Shaunessey was saying his farewells at his
retirement dinner. An eminent member of the congregation - a leading politician - had been
asked to make a presentation and a short speech, but was late arriving.
So the priest took it upon himself to fill the time, and stood up to the microphone:
"I remember the first confession I heard here twenty-five years ago and it worried me as to
what sort of place I'd come to... That first confession remains the worst I've ever heard. The
chap confessed that he'd stolen a TV set from a neighbour and lied to the police when
questioned, successfully blaming it on a local scallywag. He said that he'd stolen money from
his parents and from his employer; that he'd had affairs with several of his friends' wives; that
he'd taken hard drugs, and had slept with his sister and given her VD. You can imagine what I
thought... However I'm pleased to say that as the days passed I soon realised that this sad
fellow was a frightful exception and that this parish was indeed a wonderful place full of kind
and decent people..."
At this point the politician arrived and apologised for being late, and keen to take the stage, he
immediately stepped up to the microphone and pulled his speech from his pocket:
"I'll always remember when Father O'Shaunessey first came to our parish," said the politician,
"In fact, I'm pretty certain that I was the first person in the parish that he heard in
confession.."
(Ack Stephen Hart)

lipstick kisses on the mirror story (creative thinking,

creative problem-solving, creative management
techniques, avoiding confrontation)
A school head was alerted by the caretaker to a persistent problem in the girls lavatories: some
of the girl students were leaving lipstick kisses on the mirrors. The caretaker had left notices on
the toilet walls asking for the practice to cease, but to no avail; every evening the caretaker
would wipe away the kisses, and the next day lots more kisses would be planted on the mirror.
It had become a bit of a game. The head teacher usually took a creative approach to problem
solving, and so the next day she asked a few girl representatives from each class to meet with
her in the lavatory.
"Thank you for coming," said the head, "You will see there are several lipstick kisses in the
mirrors in this washroom.."
Some of the girls grinned at each other.
"As you will understand, modern lipstick is cleverly designed to stay on the lips, and so the
lipstick is not easy at all to clean from the mirrors. We have therefore had to develop a special
cleaning regime, and my hope is that when you see the effort involved you will help spread the
word that we'd all be better off if those responsible for the kisses use tissue paper instead of
the mirrors in future.."
At this point the caretaker stepped forward with a sponge squeegee, which he took into one of
the toilet cubicles, dipped into the toilet bowl, and then used to clean one of the lipstick-
covered mirrors.
The caretaker smiled. The girls departed. And there were no more lipstick kisses on the mirrors.
(Thanks H)

measuring by averages story (analysis, measurement,

statistics, etc)
Three statisticians went hunting in the woods. Before long, one of them pointed to a plump
pigeon in a tree, and the three of them stopped and took aim. The first fired, missing the bird
by a couple of inches to the left. Immediately afterwards the second fired, but also missed, a
couple of inches to the right. The third put down his gun exclaiming, "Great shooting lads, on
average I reckon we got it..."
(ack K Hutchinson)

the blind golfers story (an ironic example of lack of

empathy, and different people's perspectives)
A clergyman, a doctor and a business consultant were playing golf together one day and were
waiting for a particularly slow group ahead. The business consultant exclaimed, "What's with
these people? We've been waiting over half and hour! It's a complete disgrace." The doctor
agreed, "They're hopeless, I've never seen such a rabble on a golf course." The clergyman
spotted the approaching greenkeeper and asked him what was going on, "What's happening
with that group ahead of us? They're surely too slow and useless to be playing, aren't they?"
The greenkeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight
saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The
three golfers fell silent for a moment. The clergyman said, "Oh dear, that's so sad. I shall say
some special prayers for them tonight." The doctor added, rather meekly, "That's a good
thought. I'll get in touch with an ophthalmic surgeon friend of mine to see if there's anything
that can be done for them." After pondering the situation for a few seconds, the business
consultant turned to the greenkeeper and asked, "Why can't they play at night?"
(Other job-titles can be substituted instead of business consultant to suit the purpose of the
story, for example, government advisor, venture capitalist, engineer, project manager,
accountant, finance director, quality manager, etc)

the sales and marketing rugby analogy story (for teams,

motivation, team-building, departmental cooperation,
training, public speaking)
I am assured this is a true story. A consultant was asked to give a talk at a sales conference.
The CEO asks him to focus on the importance of cooperation and teamwork between the sales
and marketing teams, since neither group has a particularly high regard for the other, and the
lack of cohesion and goodwill is hampering effectiveness and morale. The marketing staff
constantly moan about the sales people 'doing their own thing' and 'failing to follow central
strategy'; and the sales people say that the marketing people are all 'idle theorists who waste
their time at exhibitions and agency lunches' and have 'never done a decent day's work in their
lives'.
Being a lover of rugby, the consultant decides to use the analogy of a rugby team's forwards
and backs working together to achieve the best team performance:
"......So, just as in the game of rugby, the forwards, like the marketing department, do the
initial work to create the platform and to make the opportunities, and then pass the ball
out to the backs, the sales department, who then use their skills and energy to score the
tries. The forwards and the backs, just like marketing and sales, are each good at what
they do: and they work together so that the team wins..." said the consultant, finishing his
talk.
The audience seemed to respond positively, and the conference broke for lunch. At the bar the
consultant asked one of the top sales-people what he'd thought of the analogy - had it given
him food for thought?
"Yes, I see what you mean," said the salesman, "It does make sense. The sales people - the
backs, yes? - the backs need the marketing department - the forwards, yes? - to make the
opportunities for us, so that we, the backs, can go and score the tries - to win the business. We
work together as a team - each playing our own part - working as a team."
The consultant beamed and nodded enthusiastically, only to be utterly dashed when the
salesman added as an afterthought, "I still think our forwards are a bunch of wankers..."
(with thanks to Martin Deighton)

the lock and key story (kindness and generosity, 'good

pebble ripples', memorable customer service
experiences)
A British family were on holiday in a rented motor-home in the USA. Travelling through
California they visited the Magic Mountain amusement park close by Los Angeles. Mid-afternoon,
halfway through what was turning out to be a most enjoyable day at the park, Mum, Dad and
the three kids came upon a particularly steep plummeting ride. In the queue, the ride
attendants strongly warned everyone about the risks of losing hats, spectacles, coins and keys,
etc., and these warnings were echoed by large signs around the ride. During the ride, Dad lost
the keys.
Due to the fact that the motor-home was a replacement vehicle resulting from a breakdown
earlier in the holiday, there were no spare keys. And there were six keys on the lost bunch:
ignition, front doors, side door, fuel tank, propane tank, and storage cupboards.
The park attendants drove the family back to the motor-home, suggesting the least damaging
ways to break into it.
Fortunately a window had been left slightly open, enabling the middle son to be put in and to
open the doors from the inside.
Inside the motor-home Mum and Dad discussed what to do. They were stranded.
Middle son (all of six years old) said he'd got a key - said he'd found it - but no-one was
listening properly. "Perhaps it will fit, I'll get it." (The optimism of young children of course
knows no bounds.)
Not thinking for one second that little lad's key would fit, Dad tried it. Incredibly the key fitted
the ignition - and the driver's door. Middle son is a hero. It seems he'd found the key in a
cupboard when packing his clothes soon after the motor-homes were swapped after the first
vehicle broke down.
The next day back at the camp site, Dad called a local locksmith to see what could be done.
"I might be able to make new keys from the locks, if you bring the vehicle to me," said the
locksmith, so the family drove to the locksmith, whose business was in a small shopping centre
in the California countryside.
The locksmith looked at the motor-home, and said he'd try. "If you come back in an hour I'll
know better what I can do for you."
The family went to the nearby shops and a coffee bar to pass the time. Dad returned to the
locksmith to see how things were going. The locksmith says he thought he could make new
keys for all the locks, but it would be a long job.
In fact the job took the locksmith most of the day. The family hung around the locksmiths,
visited the shops again, and generally made a day of being at the little shopping centre. While
working on the locks and the keys, the locksmith talked with the family about England, about
America, about the rides at Las Vegas, about motor-homes, about business, about locks, about
families and kids, about lots of things.
Late on in the afternoon the locksmith said that he'd nearly done - "But you have time to go
get something to eat if you want. When you come back I'll be done." So the family went to a
burger bar for something to eat.
An hour later the family returned to the locksmith's shop. It was 4pm and they'd been at the
shopping centre since 10.00 in the morning.
When Dad entered the locksmith's shop the locksmith was smiling. He put two new gleaming
bunches of keys on the counter. "Here you go - a new set of keys for all the locks, and a spare
set too," said the locksmith, "And I tell you what I'm going to do..."
Dad offered his credit card, gratefully.
"You know, I've had such a great time with you guys today," says the locksmith, "You can have
these for free."

This is a true story. It happened over ten years ago. I still tell people about it now, like I'm
telling you. The company is Newhall Valencia Lock & Key, in the El Centro Shopping Center,
Canyon Country, California. This little company gave me and my family an experience that
transcended customer service, and I was delighted when I found their business card in my
kitchen drawer the other day, because it prompted me to share this story and to properly
express my thanks.
Just a final note - I'm not suggesting that great customer service is about giving your products
and services away. Obviously that's not a particularly sustainable business model. What I'm
saying though, is that there are times when you'll see opportunity to do something really special
for a customer, or for another human being, and when you do it, the ripples of your 'good
pebble' can stretch around the world, and last for years and years. So, within the boundaries of
what's possible and viable for you, drop in a good pebble whenever you can and make some
ripples of your own.

the stranger and the gingernuts story (making

assumptions, think before you act, different
perspectives)
At the airport after a tiring business trip a lady's return flight was delayed. She went to the
airport shop, bought a book, a coffee and a small packet containing five gingernut biscuits. The
airport was crowded and she found a seat in the lounge, next to a stranger. After a few
minutes' reading she became absorbed in her book. She took a biscuit from the packet and
began to drink her coffee. To her great surprise, the stranger in the next seat calmly took one
of the biscuits and ate it. Stunned, she couldn't bring herself to say anything, nor even to look
at the stranger. Nervously she continued reading. After a few minutes she slowly picked up and
ate the third biscuit. Incredibly, the stranger took the fourth gingernut and ate it, then to the
woman's amazement, he picked up the packet and offered her the last biscuit. This being too
much to tolerate, the lady angrily picked up her belongings, gave the stranger an indignant
scowl and marched off to the boarding gate, where her flight was now ready. Flustered and
enraged, she reached inside her bag for her boarding ticket, and found her unopened packet of
gingernuts...
(Adapted from a suggestion submitted by S Frost. Apparently the story appears in a variety of
urban legends dating from at least 30 years ago, and is also described in Douglas Adams'
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, book four, 1984, 'So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish'. Ack L
Baldock.)

the new employee stories (importance of induction

training for new starters, initiative and lateral thinking,
interpretation, delegation, rules, checking and
monitoring)
These (allegedly true) short stories provide amusing examples of lateral thinking and initiative,
and staff training (or lack of) at the workplace. It is better to train people properly rather than
assume that new starters have the necessary initiative to work out for themselves what they
should be doing..

the new bus driver story

While transporting some unfortunate mental patients from one secure place to another, the
newly appointed bus driver stopped at a roadside restaurant for natural break. On his return to
the bus, all twenty patients were gone. Being a resourceful fellow and fearing the consequences
of his negligence, he drove to the next bus stop, where he claimed to be a replacement for the
usual service. Allowing twenty people aboard, the driver made straight for his destination,
where he warned staff at the gates that the 'patients' were deluded and extremely volatile. The
angry 'patients' were duly removed, sedated and incarcerated, and remained in detention for
three days, until staff were able to check the records and confirm their true identities. The
actual patients were never found.

the new elevator cleaner story

A new hotel employee was asked to clean the elevators and report back to the supervisor when
the task was completed. When the employee failed to appear at the end of the day the
supervisor assumed that like many others he had simply not liked the job and left. However,
after four days the supervisor bumped into the new employee. He was cleaning in one of the
elevators. "You surely haven't been cleaning these elevators for four days, have you?" asked
the supervisor, accusingly. "Yes sir," said the employee, "This is a big job and I've not finished
yet - do you realise there are over forty of them, two on each floor, and sometimes they are not
even there.."

the bedtime story (communications, men and women,

communications methods, relationships)
A man and his wife had been arguing all night, and as bedtime approached neither was
speaking to the other. It was not unusual for the pair to continue this war of silence for two or
three days, however, on this occasion the man was concerned; he needed to be awake at
4:30am the next morning to catch an important flight, and being a very heavy sleeper he
normally relied on his wife to wake him. Cleverly, so he thought, while his wife was in the
bathroom, he wrote on a piece of paper: 'Please wake me at 4:30am - I have an important
flight to catch'. He put the note on his wife's pillow, then turned over and went to sleep.
The man awoke the next morning and looked at the clock. It was 8:00am. Enraged that he'd
missed his flight, he was about to go in search of his errant wife to give her a piece of his
mind, when he spotted a hand-written note on his bedside cabinet.
The note said: 'It's 4:30am - get up.'

the sergeant major's rude parrot story (examples of

management styles)
A retired sergeant major inherited a talking parrot from a recently departed relative who had
run a busy dockside pub. For the first few days in his new home the normally talkative parrot
was distinctly shy. The old major, despite his stern and disciplined ways, felt sorry for the bird,
and gently encouraged it with soft words and pieces of fruit. After a week or so the parrot
began to find its voice - a little at first - and then more so. Responding to the kind treatment,
the parrot's vocabulary continued to recover, including particularly the many colourful
expressions it had been taught in the dockside pub. The old sergeant major began to be quite
irritated by the parrot's incessant rudeness, and after a few more days of worsening profanities,
decided action was required to bring the bird under control. The sergeant major tried at first to
incentivise the parrot with the promise of reward for good behaviour, but to no avail. He next
tried to teach the bird a lesson by withdrawing its privileges, again to no avail; the parrot
remained stubbornly rude. Finally the old major flipped into battleground management mode;
he grabbed the bird, clamped his hands around its beak, and thrust the struggling, swearing
parrot, into the top drawer of the freezer, slamming the door tightly shut. The swearing and
struggling noises continued inside the freezer for a few seconds and then abruptly stopped. The
sergeant major listened for a while and then, concerned that the parrot's shock might have
been terminal, carefully opened the freezer door and opened the drawer to look. The parrot
slowly clambered out of the drawer and perched on its edge.
"I must apologise for my rude and disrespectful behaviour," said the parrot, "I promise never to
use bad language again. And by the way, what did the turkey do?"

the farmer and the boy in the bog story (helping others,
inspiration, gratitude and appreciation, good comes
from doing good)
This widely used story is often told as if it's a true story. It is most certainly not. It is an urban
legend, but even as such, the story contains great lessons and is very inspirational.
Fleming was a poor Scottish farmer. One day at work in a field he heard a cry for help.
Following the sound, Fleming came to a deep bog, in which a boy was stuck up to his chest,
screaming and sinking. Farmer Fleming tied a rope around his own waist and the other end to a
tree, and waded into the bog. After a mighty struggle in which it seemed they would both
perish, the exhausted farmer pulled himself and the boy to safety. He took the lad back to the
farmhouse, where Mrs Fleming fed him, dried his clothes, and when satisfied he had recovered,
sent him on his way home.
The next day a carriage arrived at the Fleming's humble farmhouse. An well-dressed man
stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy whom Fleming had saved. "You
saved my son's life," said the man to Fleming, "How can I repay you?"
"I don't want payment," Fleming replied, "Anyone would have done the same."
At that moment, Fleming's own young son appeared at the farmhouse door.
"Is he your son?" the man asked.
"Yes," said Fleming proudly.
"I have an idea. Let me pay for his education. If he's like his father, he'll grow to be a man we'll
both be proud of."
And so he did. The farmer's son attended the very best schools, graduated medical college, and
later became the world-renowned nobel prize-winning scientist and discoverer of penicillin, Sir
Alexander Fleming.
It is said that many years later, the grown man who'd been saved from the bog as a boy, was
stricken with pneumonia.
Penicillin saved his life. His name? Sir Winston Churchill.
(I repeat this is an urban legend - it is not a true story - so I recommend you present it as such
when you tell it. Ack B McFarlane)

the brewery story (to challenge belief systems and

assumptions, and the need for questioning pointless
routine or policy)
It has been suggested to me that this is a true story: A very old traditional brewery decided to
install a new canning line, so as to enable its beer products to be marketed through the
supermarket sector. This represented a major change for the little company, and local
dignitaries and past employees were invited to witness the first running of the new canning line,
which was followed by an buffet and drinks.
After the new line had been switched on successfully, and the formalities completed, the guests
relaxed in small groups to chat and enjoy the buffet. In a quiet corner stood three men
discussing trucks and transport and distribution, since one was the present distribution
manager, and the other two were past holders of the post, having retired many years ago. The
three men represented three generations of company distribution management, spanning over
sixty years.
The present distribution manager confessed that his job was becoming more stressful because
company policy required long deliveries be made on Monday and Tuesday, short deliveries on
Fridays, and all other deliveries mid-week.
"It's so difficult to schedule things efficiently - heaven knows what we'll do with these new cans
and the tight demands of the supermarkets..."
The other two men nodded in agreement.
"It was the same in my day," sympathised the present manager's predecessor, "It always
seemed strange to me that trucks returning early on Mondays and Tuesdays couldn't be used
for little local runs, because the local deliveries had to be left until Friday.."
The third man nodded, and was thinking hard, struggling to recall the policy's roots many years
ago when he'd have been a junior in the despatch department. After a pause, the third man
smiled and then ventured a suggestion.
"I think I remember now," he said, "It was the horses..... During the Second World War fuel
rationing was introduced. So we mothballed the trucks and went back to using the horses. On
Mondays the horses were well-rested after the weekend - hence the long deliveries. By Friday
the horses so tired they could only handle the short local drops..."
Soon after the opening of the new canning line the company changed its delivery policy.
(Ack R Chagar)
See also the 'we've always done it that way' story and the fish baking story and the monkey
story.

the rowing competition story (identifying and managing

performance improvement, establishing cause and
accountability, theory x vs theory y, daft executive
judgements)
The boards of the two fiercely competitive companies decided to organize a rowing match to
challenge each other's organisational and sporting abilities. The first company was strongly
'theory X': ruthless, autocratic, zero staff empowerment, etc. The second company was more
'theory y': a culture of developing people, devolved responsibility and decision-making.
Race day arrived. The Y company's boat appeared from the boat-house first, with its crew:
eight rowers and a helmsman (the cox). Next followed the X company boat and its crew - eight
helmsmen and a single rower.
Not surprisingly the Y company's boat won an easy victory.
The next day the X company board of directors held an inquest with the crew, to review what
had been learned from the embarrassing defeat, which might be of benefit to the organization
as a whole, and any future re-match.
After a long and wearing meeting the X company board finally came came to their decision.
They concluded that the rower should be replaced immediately because clearly he had not
listened well enough to the instructions he'd been given.
(Ack JJ Lasseur)

the performance evaluation story (theory x

shortcomings, management myopia)
Following a poor first-half year performance the board of Company X tasked a senior manager
to investigate what was happening on the factory floor, since the directors believed poor
productivity was at the root of the problem. While walking around the plant, the investigating
manager came upon a large warehouse area where a man stood next to a pillar. The manager
introduced himself as the person investigating performance on the factory floor, appointed by
the board, and then asked the man by the pillar what he was doing. "It's my job," replied the
man, "I was told to stand by this pillar."
The investigator thanked the man for his cooperation and encouraged him to keep up the good
work. The investigator next walked into a large packing area, where he saw another man
standing next to a pillar. The investigator again introduced himself and asked the man what he
was doing. "I've been told to stand by this pillar, so that's what I do." said the man.
Two weeks later the investigator completed his report and duly presented his findings to the
board, who held a brief meeting to decide remedial action. The board called the investigator
back into the room, thanked him for his work, and then instructed him to sack one of the men
he'd found standing by pillars, since obviously this was a duplication of effort.
(Ac JJL)

no exit story (different perspectives, viewpoints, how

different perspectives cause one thing to appear as two
different things)
A man checked into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.
Five minutes later he called the reception desk and said: "You've given me a room with no exit.
How do I leave?"
The desk clerk said, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?"
The man said, "Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that
goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it."
(Ack B McFarlane)
See also the blind men and the elephant story below.

the old couple story (positive/negative outlook, blame,

attitude)
An elderly couple, married for sixty years, took a rare vacation. They were not well-off but were
in good health, perhaps because the wife had insisted on a strict diet of healthy foods, no
alcohol, no smoking, and lots of gym exercise for most of their lives. Sadly their plane crashed
however, and duly they both entered heaven, where St Peter escorted them through the Pearly
Gates, and into a waiting limousine. Driving through beautiful countryside they drew up at a
beautiful mansion and were shown inside. It was furnished in gold and fine silks, with a
splendid kitchen and a sumptuous lounge stocked with wonderful food and drink - there was
even a waterfall in the master bathroom. A maid was hanging beautiful designer clothes in the
walk-in wardrobes. They gasped in astonishment when St Peter said, "Welcome to heaven. This
will be your home now."
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Nothing," Peter replied, "this is
your heavenly reward."
The old man looked out of the window and saw a magnificent championship golf course.
"What are the green fees?" he asked suspiciously.
"This is heaven," St Peter replied, "You can play for free whenever you wish."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine
laid out before them.
Anticipating the old man's next question, St Peter said, "Don't ask, this is heaven, it is all free
for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and
low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"This is heaven. You can eat and drink as much as you like, and you will never get fat or sick."
"I don't need to go to the gym?" the old man pressed.
"Not unless you want to," St Peter replied.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
The old man glared at his wife, "You and your bloody bran muffins. We could have been here
ten years ago!"
(Ack CB)

two brothers and the geese story (initiative,

responsibility, thinking outside the box, anticipating,
strategic anticipation, adding value to service, value and
reward)
Two sons work for their father on the family's farm. The younger brother had for some years
been given more responsibility and reward, and one day the older brother asks his father to
explain why.
The father says, "First, go to the Kelly's farm and see if they have any geese for sale - we need
to add to our stock."
The brother soon returns with the answer, "Yes they have five geese they can sell to us."
That father then says, "Good, please ask them the price."
The son returns with the answer, "The geese are £10 each."
The father says, "Good, now ask if they can deliver the geese tomorrow."
And duly the sone returns with the answer, "Yes, they can deliver the geese them tomorrow."
The father asks the older brother to wait and listen, and then calls to the younger brother in a
nearby field, "Go to the Davidson's Farm and see if they have any geese for sale - we need to
add to our stock."
The younger brother soon returns with the answer, "Yes, they have five geese for £10 each, or
ten geese for £8 each; and they can deliver them tomorrow - I asked them to deliver the five
unless they heard otherwise from us in the next hour. And I agreed that if we want the extra
five geese we could buy them at £6 each."
The father turned to the older son, who nodded his head in appreciation - he now realised why
his brother was given more responsibility and reward.
(adapted from a suggestion - thanks PI)
the piano story (mentoring, coaching, understanding the
other person's development needs)
A mother wished to encourage her small girl's interest in the piano and so took her a local
concert featuring an excellent pianist. In the entrance foyer the mother met an old friend and
the two stopped to talk. The little girl was keen to see inside the hall and so wandered off,
unnoticed by her mother. The girl's mother became concerned when she entered the hall and
could see no sign of her daughter. Staff were notified and an announcement was made asking
the audience to look out for the little lost girl. With the concert due to start, the little girl had
still not been found. In preparation for the pianist's entrance, the curtains drew aside, to reveal
the little girl sitting at the great piano, focused in concentration, quietly picking out the notes of
'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'.
The audience's amusement turned to curiosity when the pianist entered the stage, walked up to
the little girl, and said "Keep playing."
The pianist sat down beside her, listened for a few seconds, and whispered some more words
of encouragement. He then began quietly to play a bass accompaniment, and then a few bars
later reached around the little girl to add more accompaniment. At the end of the impromptu
performance the audience applauded loudly as the pianist took the little girl back to her seat to
be reunited with her mother. The experience was inspirational for everyone, not least the small
girl.
It takes just a few moments to make somebody's day, to help someone with their own personal
aims and dreams - especially someone who looks up to you for encouragement and support.
(Ack PC)

the angry customer story (funny customer service

example)
Allegedly a true story from the old airport in Denver: a major airline had cancelled a very busy
flight and a lone check-in agent is busy trying to sort out all the displaced passengers. A very
angry and aggressive man barges his way to the front of the queue to confront her. He says
says that he is flying first class and demands to go on the flight. The agent politely explains the
situation and asks that people take their place in the queue. The man bellows at her, "Do you
know who I am?" - at which the agent calmly picks up the microphone for the PA system, and
announces to the airport, "This is (airline name) desk 64; we have a gentleman here who does
not know who he is. If anyone can come and identify him please do so." The man, now purple
with rage, yells at her, "Well f**k you.." - to which the agent replies, "And you'll have to stand
in line for that as well, Sir.."
(Ack MS)

the clap and cheer story (positive attitude, taking pride

in whatever you do)
A small boy was auditioning with his classmates for a school play. His mother knew that he'd
set his heart on being in the play - just like all the other children hoped too - and she feared
how he would react if he was not chosen. On the day the parts were awarded, the little boy's
mother went to the school gates to collect her son. The little lad rushed up to her, eyes shining
with pride and excitement. "Guess what Mum," he shouted, and then said the words that
provide a lesson to us all, "I've been chosen to clap and cheer."
(Ack F Laufs)

the bank story (a lesson in customer service, how bad

policy encourages poor service)
I am assured this is a true story from a UK bank. The bank concerned had introduced a charge
to be levied when people paid in money to be credited to an account held by a different bank.
The charge was 50p and had been in force for about 6 months or so. A well to do, upper-class
lady enters the bank and presents the cashier a cheque (check) which she asks to be paid into
an account held by a different bank. The cashier duly tells the lady that there will be a charge
of 50p. Indignantly, she tells him, "I wasn't charged the last time."
To which the cashier immediately replies, "Well that will be a pound then..."
(Ack MS)

the fish baking story (to challenge belief systems and

assumptions, and illustrate pointless routine and the
need for questioning)
A little girl was watching her mother prepare a fish for dinner. Her mother cut the head and tail
off the fish and then placed it into a baking pan. The little girl asked her mother why she cut
the head and tail off the fish. Her mother thought for a while and then said, "I've always done it
that way - that's how babicka (Czech for grandma) did it."
Not satisfied with the answer, the little girl went to visit her grandma to find out why she cut
the head and tail off the fish before baking it.
Grandma thought for a while and replied, "I don't know. My mother always did it that way."
So the little girl and the grandma went to visit great grandma to find ask if she knew the
answer.
Great grandma thought for a while and said, “Because my baking pan was too small to fit in the
whole fish”.
(Ack M Hamanova)
See also: the we've always done it that way story and the monkey story and the brewery story.

the donkey story (positive attitudes, turning problems

into opportunities)
One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The farmer frantically thought what to do as the
stricken animal cried out to be rescued. With no obvious solution, the farmer regretfully
concluded that as the donkey was old, and as the well needed to be filled in anyway, he should
give up the idea of rescuing the beast, and simply fill in the well. Hopefully the poor animal
would not suffer too much, he tried to persuade himself.
The farmer asked his neighbours help, and before long they all began to shovel earth quickly
into the well. When the donkey realised what was happening he wailed and struggled, but then,
to everyone's relief, the noise stopped.
After a while the farmer looked down into the well and was astonished by what he saw. The
donkey was still alive, and progressing towards the top of the well. The donkey had discovered
that by shaking off the dirt instead of letting it cover him, he could keep stepping on top of the
earth as the level rose. Soon the donkey was able to step up over the edge of the well, and he
happily trotted off.
Life tends to shovel dirt on top of each of us from time to time. The trick is to shake it off and
take a step up.
(Ack TB)

the shepherd story (IT consultants, business

consultancy, knowing your facts - ironic example)
A shepherd was tending his flock in a field, when a new sports car screeched to a stop on the
road nearby in a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in expensive designer clothes and
sunglasses, leans out of the window and shouts over to the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how
many sheep you have here, can I take one?"
The shepherd looks up slowly up at the young man, then looks at his peaceful flock, and calmly
answers, "Sure, why not?"
The young man steps out of his car holding a state-of-the-art palmtop pda, with which he
proceeds to connects to a series of websites, first calling up satellite navigation system to
pinpoint his location, then keying in the location to generate an ultra-high resolution picture of
the field. After emailing the photo to an image processing facility, the processed data is
returned, which he then feeds into an online database, and enters the parameters for a report.
Within another few seconds a miniature printer in the car produces a full colour report
containing several pages of analysis and results. The young man studies the data for a few
more seconds and returns to the shepherd.
"You have exactly one-thousand five-hundred and eighty-six sheep, including three rams, and
seven-hundred and twenty-two lambs."
"That's right," says the shepherd, mildly impressed. "Well, I guess that means you get to take
one of my sheep."
The young man makes his choice and loads the animal onto the back seat of his car, at which
the shepherd says, almost as an afterthought, "Hey there, if I can tell you what your business
is, will you give me back my sheep?"
The young man, feeling confident, agrees.
"You're a consultant," says the shepherd.
"Wow, that's right," says the young man, taken aback, "How did you guess that?"
"No guessing required," answers the shepherd, "You showed up here even though nobody
called you. You took a fee for giving me an answer that already know, to a question I never
asked, and you know nothing about my business. Now give me back my dog."
(Adapted from a version sent by S Faure. Thanks also T Curran.)

speed camera story (creative thinking, teamwork,

understanding and using modern technology - do not try
this at home....)
This allegedly true story, supposedly leaked by the Australian Department of Transport,
concerns four Australian young men and a mobile speed camera police van. Three of the four
lads engaged the speed camera operators in conversation about the camera equipment, and the
number of cars caught, etc., while the fourth unscrewed the van's front registration plate.
Bidding the police farewell, the lads returned home, screwed the registration plate to their own
car and proceeded to complete 17 very fast round trips through the speed camera's radar. The
traffic penalties department subsequently issued 17 speeding tickets to itself.

the three engineers story (different approaches to

problem-solving, modern IT, etc)
A mechanical engineer, a systems engineer, and a software engineer are in a car driving down
a steep mountain road when the brakes fail. The driver desperately pumps the brake pedal,
trying to control the speeding vehicle around cliff-edge bends, while the passengers do their
best not to panic. As the car hurtles towards an impossible corner the driver spots an escape
route into a hedge and a haystack beyond, where the car eventually grinds to a surprisingly
safe stop. The three engineers all get out, shaken, relieved, and take turns to assess the
situation.
'Hmm,' says the mechanical engineer, 'It looks like a brake line was leaking - let's repair the
split, bleed the brakes, and we should be able to get on our way..."
The systems engineer thinks for a while and says, 'Maybe we need to contact the manufacturer
and the dealer to confirm exactly what the problem is..."
The software engineer slowly climbs into the driver's seat and, gesturing for the others to join
him, says, 'How about we get back on the road and see if it happens again?..'

(An alternative final line, suggested kindly and brilliantly by David Shiell, would be: "How about
if we close all the windows and try again..")

the sweet old couple story (dangers of making

assumptions, understand before you intervene)
A little old couple walked into a fast food restaurant. The little old man walked up to the
counter, ordered the food, paid, and took the tray back to the table where the little old lady sat.
On the tray was a hamburger, a small bag of fries and a drink. Carefully the old man cut the
hamburger in two, and divided the fries into two neat piles. He sipped the drink and passed it
to the little old lady, who took a sip and passed it back. A young man on a nearby table had
watched the old couple and felt sorry for them. He offered to buy them another meal, but the
old man politely declined, saying that they were used to sharing everything. The old man began
to eat his food, but his wife sat still, not eating. The young continued to watch the couple. He
still felt he should be offering to help. As the little old man finished eating, the old lady had still
not started on her food. "Ma'am, why aren't you eating?" asked the young man sympathetically.
The old lady looked up and said politely, "I'm waiting for the teeth.."

the men and women differences story (the other

person's perspective, gender empathy, for weddings,
best-man speeches, johari window, empathy, NLP, etc)
Not really a story, more of a silly list that circulates by email from time to time.
Some things that men generally take for granted, and fail to realize that women cannot.

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just 'too icky'.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood - all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
 A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket-knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for twenty-five relatives on 24th December in forty-five
minutes.

(Ack CB and Tom Robinson - please contact us if you know the author of the original 20 items
to which Tom refers in his explanation of his own particular input: "... I received the e-mail
originally back in 2002, with around 20 reasons why it's good to be a bloke... I spent most of
the following 3 days making the number up to 50..." )

the aunt karen story (relevance and reliability of

lessons, morals and examples)
A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of
it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, "My dad is a farmer and we have
chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the
truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.
The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket.."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next, Mary said, "We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did
we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they're
hatched.."
"Very good," said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.
Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: "My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen....
Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over
enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete."
"Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.
"Aunt Karen drank the whisky on the way down to prepare herself; then she landed right in the
middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she
ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then
she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your father say was the moral of that
frightening story?"
"Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking..."
(Ack CB - if you know the origin please tell us)

the tickle me elmo story (induction training,

communications, giving instructions, delegation)
This allegedly took place in a factory in the USA which manufactured the 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys,
(a children's plush cuddly toy which laughs when tickled under the arm). The legend has is it
that a new employee was hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she duly reported for her first
day's induction training, prior to being allocated a job on the production line. At 08:45 the next
day the personnel manager received a visit from an excited assembly line foreman who was not
best pleased about the performance of the new recruit. The foreman explained that she was far
too slow, and that she was causing the entire line to back-up, delaying the whole production
schedule. The personnel manager asked to see what was happening, so both men proceeded to
the factory floor. On arrival they saw that the line was indeed badly backed-up - there were
hundreds of Tickle Me Elmos strewn all over the factory floor, and they were still piling up.
Virtually buried in a mountain of toys sat the new employee earnestly focused on her work. She
had a roll of red plush fabric and a bag of marbles. The two men watched amazed as she cut a
little piece of fabric, wrapped it around a pair of marbles and carefully began sewing the little
package between Elmo's legs. The personnel manager began to laugh, and it was some while
before he could compose himself, at which he approached the trainee. "I'm sorry," he said to
her, not able to disguise his amusement, "But I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave
you yesterday.... Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

the get in the wheelbarrow story (belief, trust, faith,

commitment, courage, conviction)
The story goes: upon completing a highly dangerous tightrope walk over Niagara Falls in
appalling wind and rain, 'The Great Zumbrati' was met by an enthusiastic supporter, who urged
him to make a return trip, this time pushing a wheelbarrow, which the spectator had
thoughtfully brought along.
The Great Zumbrati was reluctant, given the terrible conditions, but the supporter pressed him,
"You can do it - I know you can," he urged.
"You really believe I can do it?" asked Zumbrati.
"Yes - definitely - you can do it." the supporter gushed.
"Okay," said Zumbrati, "Get in the wheelbarrow..."

the charles plumb parachutes story (supporting others,

acknowledging others, saying thanks)
Charles Plumb was a navy jet pilot. On his seventy-sixth combat mission, he was shot down
and parachuted into enemy territory. He was captured and spent six years in prison. He
survived and now lectures on the lessons he learned from his experiences.
One day, a man in approached Plumb and his wife in a restaurant, and said, "Are you Plumb
the navy pilot?"
"Yes, how did you know?" asked Plumb.
"I packed your parachute," the man replied.
Plumb was amazed - and grateful: "If the chute you packed hadn't worked I wouldn't be here
today..."
Plumb refers to this in his lectures: his realisation that the anonymous sailors who packed the
parachutes held the pilots' lives in their hands, and yet the pilots never gave these sailors a
second thought; never even said hello, let alone said thanks.
Now Plumb asks his audiences, "Who packs your parachutes?..... Who helps you through your
life?.... Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually?....... Think about who helps you; recognise
them and say thanks."
(Ack JK, and thanks to the person who wrote to confirm that Charles Plum still speaks and
lectures.)

the chickens story (communications, confusing

instructions, testing, research and development)
This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company were instructed to test
the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on the windshields of airliners and military jets. To
simulate the effect of a goose colliding with an aircraft travelling at high speed, the test
engineers built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at the windshields. The
simulations using the gun and the dead chickens worked extremely effectively, happily proving
the suitability of the windshields, and several articles about the project appeared in the testing
industry press.
It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the world was involved in
assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the windshields and drivers' cabs of new very high speed
trains. The train test engineers had read about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace
team, and so they approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and the testing
methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the train engineers set about
building their own simulation.
The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs produced shocking results. The
supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high speed train windshields offered little resistance to
the high-speed chickens; in fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing was
smashed to pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the test booth itself.
The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed trains required a safety
technology that was beyond their experience, so they contacted the aerospace team for advice
and suggestions, sending them an extensive report of the tests and failures.
The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost the chickens...."
(Ack S Money)

the chihuahua and the leopard story (creative thinking,

quick thinking, escaping, averting disaster, bluff and
boldness)
A lady takes her pet chihuahua with her on a safari holiday. Wandering too far one day the
chihuahua gets lost in the bush, and soon encounters a very hungry looking leopard. The
chihuahua realises he's in trouble, but, noticing some fresh bones on the ground, he settles
down to chew on them, with his back to the big cat. As the leopard is about to leap, the
chihuahua smacks his lips and exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if
there are any more around here."
The leopard stops mid-stride, and slinks away into the trees.
"Phew," says the leopard, "that was close - that evil little dog nearly had me."
A monkey nearby sees everything and thinks he'll win a favour by putting the stupid leopard
straight. The chihuahua sees the monkey go after the leopard, and guesses he might be up to
no good.
When the leopard hears the monkey's story he feels angry at being made a fool, and offers the
monkey a ride back to see him exact his revenge.
The little dog sees them approaching and fears the worse.
Thinking quickly, the little dog turns his back, pretends not to notice them, and when the pair
are within earshot says aloud, "Now where's that monkey got to? I sent him ages ago to bring
me another leopard..."

the cannibals story (management, managers,

secretaries, initiative, habits, conforming, rules and
rule-breaking)
A big corporation hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR
manager during the welcome briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the
cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals
promised they would not.
A few weeks later the cannibals' boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied
with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened
to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No," they said.
After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others angrily, "Right, which one of
you idiots ate the secretary?"
A hand rose hesitantly in admission. "You fool!" said the leader, "For weeks we've been eating
managers and no one noticed anything, but nooo, you had to go and eat someone
important!..."
(Ack A Fiorello)

the dog and the bone story (be content with what you
have, greed and envy seldom pay)
A dog held a juicy bone in his jaws as he crossed a bridge over a brook. When he looked down
into the water he saw a another dog below with what appeared to be a bigger juicier bone. He
jumped into the brook to snatch the bigger bone, letting go his own bone, He quickly learned of
course that the bigger bone was just a reflection, and so he ended up with nothing.
More Aesop's fables
(Thanks J Phillips)

the "we've always done it that way.." story (time

management, challenging habits and questioning
procedures, challenging assumptions and belief
systems)
Apparently this is based on a true incident. A quality management consultant was visiting a
small and somewhat antiquated English manufacturing company, to advise on improving
general operating efficiency. The advisor was reviewing a particular daily report which dealt with
aspects of productivity, absentee rates, machine failure, down-time, etc. The report was
completed manually onto a photocopied proforma that was several generations away from the
original master-copy, so its headings and descriptions were quite difficult to understand. The
photocopied forms were particularly fuzzy at the top-right corner, where a small box had a
heading that was not clear at all. The advisor was interested to note that the figure '0' had
been written in every daily report for the past year. On questioning the members of staff who
completed the report, they told him that they always put a zero in that box, and when he asked
them why they looked at each other blankly. "Hmmm.., I'm not sure about that," they each
said, "I guess we've just always done it that way."
Intrigued, the consultant visited the archives to see if he could find a clearer form, to discover
what was originally being reported and whether it actually held any significance. When he found
the old reports, he saw that the zero return had continued uninterrupted for as far back as the
records extended - at least the past thirty years - but none of the forms was any clearer than
those presently in use. A little frustrated, he packed away the old papers and turned to leave
the room, but something caught his eye. In another box he noticed a folder, promisingly titled
'master forms'. Sure enough inside it he found the original daily report proforma master-copy, in
pristine condition. In the top right corner was the mysterious box, with the heading clearly
shown ...... 'Number of Air Raids Today'.
See also the brewery story, the fish baking story and the monkey story.

the dam story (how to write a good letter, making

assumptions, jumping to conclusions, and how to defend
wrong accusations with humour)
Here are two letters, according to the story both real, the first allegedly sent to a man named
Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan; the
second is Mr DeVries' amusing response. The letters provide a great example of the dangers of
making assumptions and jumping to conclusions, and also how to reply to a false accusation
with humour and style.

the Michigan DOEQ letter

Subject: DEQ File No.97-59-0023;

T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries,
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been
recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified
as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring
Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's
files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that
this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent
rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this
nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you
to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow
condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All
restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003. Please notify this office
when the restoration has been completed so that our staff may schedule a follow-up site
inspection.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in
this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate
your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
questions.
Sincerely,
District Representative
Land and Water Management Division

Mr Devries' letter response

Dear Sirs,
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal
landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in
the process (State unauthorized) of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams
across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise
their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures
building materials "debris".
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time
and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match
their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers
are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond
Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of
Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits
that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland
Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is: aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation?
The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation,
so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that
either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that
this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we
should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam
names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the
beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your
dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams
as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more
dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers)
and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam
case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way
for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health)
problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely
believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are
going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they
dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on
your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
Thank you
Ryan Devries and the Dam Beavers

Footnote: I'm grateful to J DeKorne for pointing out that these letters are in fact based on real
correspondence involving Stephen Tvedten of Marne, Michigan. The original letters are here.

the blind men and the elephant (perception, truth,

perspective, empathy, communications and
understanding)
There are various versions of the story of the blind men and the elephant. The blind men and
the elephant is a legend that appears in different cultures - notably China, Africa and India -
and the tale dates back thousands of years. Some versions of the story feature three blind men,
others five or six, but the message is always the same. Here's a story of the six blind men and
the elephant:
Six blind men were discussing exactly what they believed an elephant to be, since each had
heard how strange the creature was, yet none had ever seen one before. So the blind men
agreed to find an elephant and discover what the animal was really like.
It didn't take the blind men long to find an elephant at a nearby market. The first blind man
approached the beast and felt the animal's firm flat side. "It seems to me that the elephant is
just like a wall," he said to his friends.
The second blind man reached out and touched one of the elephant's tusks. "No, this is round
and smooth and sharp - the elephant is like a spear."
Intrigued, the third blind man stepped up to the elephant and touched its trunk. "Well, I can't
agree with either of you; I feel a squirming writhing thing - surely the elephant is just like a
snake."
The fourth blind man was of course by now quite puzzled. So he reached out, and felt the
elephant's leg. "You are all talking complete nonsense," he said, "because clearly the elephant is
just like a tree."
Utterly confused, the fifth blind man stepped forward and grabbed one of the elephant's ears.
"You must all be mad - an elephant is exactly like a fan."
Duly, the sixth man approached, and, holding the beast's tail, disagreed again. "It's nothing like
any of your descriptions - the elephant is just like a rope."
And all six blind men continued to argue, based on their own particular experiences, as to what
they thought an elephant was like. It was an argument that they were never able to resolve.
Each of them was concerned only with their own idea. None of them had the full picture, and
none could see any of the other's point of view. Each man saw the elephant as something quite
different, and while in part each blind man was right, none was wholly correct.
There is never just one way to look at something - there are always different perspectives,
meanings, and perceptions, depending on who is looking.

See also the no exit story above for another analogy about different perspectives.

the owl and the field-mouse story (executive policy-

making, theory versus practice)
A little field-mouse was lost in a dense wood, unable to find his way out. He came upon a wise
old owl sitting in a tree. "Please help me, wise old owl, how can I get out of this wood?" said
the field-mouse.
"Easy," said the owl, "Grow wings and fly out, as I do."
"But how can I grow wings?" asked the mouse.
The owl looked at him haughtily, sniffed disdainfully, and said, "Don't bother me with the
details, I only decide the policy."
(Thanks P Boden)

aircraft engineering support (lessons in communications

and support service)
An updated version of this item appears on the pilots and airtraffic control quotes page.
According to the story, after every Qantas Airlines flight (other airlines, and military sources are
suggested instead also) the pilots complete a a 'gripe sheet' report, which conveys to the
ground crew engineers any mechanical problems on the aircraft during the flight. The engineer
reads the form, corrects the problem, then writes details of action taken on the lower section of
the form for the pilot to review before the next flight. It is clear from the examples below that
ground crew engineers have a keen sense of humour - these are supposedly real extracts from
gripe forms completed by pilots with the solution responses by the engineers. Incidentally,
Qantas has the best safety record of all the world's major airlines.
(1 = The problem logged by the pilot.) (2 = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)

1. Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

2. Almost replaced left inside main tire.
 1. Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
2. Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

1. Something loose in cockpit.

2. Something tightened in cockpit.

1. Dead bugs on windshield.

2. Live bugs on back-order.

1. Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

2. Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

1. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

2. Evidence removed.

1. DME volume unbelievably loud.

2. DME volume set to more believable level.

1. Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

2. That's what they're there for.

1. IFF inoperative.
2. IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

1. Suspected crack in windshield.

2. Suspect you're right.

1. Number 3 engine missing.

2. Engine found on right wing after brief search.

1. Aircraft handles funny.

2. Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

1. Target radar hums.

2. Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

1. Mouse in cockpit.
2. Cat installed.

1. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something
with a hammer.
2. Took hammer away from midget.

If you like stories and examples like these see also the tree swing pictures, which also provide
an amusing and useful comment on departmental relationships, customer service and
organizational communications.
(Ack. CB)

the rat and the lion story (do good, what goes around
comes around, karma)
One day a small rat surfaced from his nest to find himself between the paws of a huge sleeping
lion, which immediately awoke and seized the rat. The rat pleaded with the fierce beast to be
set free, and the lion, being very noble and wise, and in no need of such small prey, agreed to
let the relieved rat go on his way.
Some days later in the same part of the forest, a hunter had laid a trap for the lion, and it duly
caught him, so that the lion was trussed up in a strong net, helpless, with nothing to do than
wait for the hunter to return.
But it was the rat who came along next, and seeing the lion in need of help, promptly set about
biting and gnawing through the net, which soon began to unravel, setting the great lion free.
The moral of the story is of course to make the world your debtor - even the humblest of folk
may one day be of use.

the two mules story (show off expensive things at your

peril, the more you have the more you have to lose)
Two mules travelled regularly together with their loads, from their town to the city. The first
mule, a humble beast, wore a tatty cloak, and carried sacks of oats for the miller. The second
mule was an arrogant animal, who wore a fine coat with jingling bells. He carried gold and
silver coins for the tax collector, and loved to brag about his responsibility and importance.
Running late one day, the second mule suggested taking a short-cut, off the main road, despite
his companion's warnings about the risks of taking such a dangerous route. Sure enough,
before too long, thieves attacked the second mule, stealing his valuable load, and leaving him
injured by the roadside.
"But why me?" moaned the stricken animal, "I am attacked and robbed while the vagabonds
leave you untouched?"
"I think even in this desperate place no thief would be interested in a poor miller's slave, or my
humble load!" said the first mule, "But you ventured down this dangerous track and made a
show of yourself - you have only yourself to blame."

the travellers and the monk story (positive attitude, life

outlook)
One day a traveller was walking along a road on his journey from one village to another. As he
walked he noticed a monk tending the ground in the fields beside the road. The monk said
"Good day" to the traveller, and the traveller nodded to the monk. The traveller then turned to
the monk and said "Excuse me, do you mind if I ask you a question?".
"Not at all," replied the monk.
"I am travelling from the village in the mountains to the village in the valley and I was
wondering if you knew what it is like in the village in the valley?"
"Tell me," said the monk, "What was your experience of the village in the mountains?"
"Dreadful," replied the traveller, "to be honest I am glad to be away from there. I found the
people most unwelcoming. When I first arrived I was greeted coldly. I was never made to feel
part of the village no matter how hard I tried. The villagers keep very much to themselves, they
don't take kindly to strangers. So tell me, what can I expect in the village in the valley?"
"I am sorry to tell you," said the monk, "but I think your experience will be much the same
there".
The traveller hung his head despondently and walked on.
A while later another traveller was journeying down the same road and he also came upon the
monk.
"I'm going to the village in the valley," said the second traveller, "Do you know what it is like?"
"I do," replied the monk "But first tell me - where have you come from?"
"I've come from the village in the mountains."
"And how was that?"
"It was a wonderful experience. I would have stayed if I could but I am committed to travelling
on. I felt as though I was a member of the family in the village. The elders gave me much
advice, the children laughed and joked with me and people were generally kind and generous. I
am sad to have left there. It will always hold special memories for me. And what of the village
in the valley?" he asked again.
"I think you will find it much the same" replied the monk, "Good day to you".
"Good day and thank you," the traveller replied, smiled, and journeyed on.
(Thanks Carrie Birmingham)

the person who had feelings story (transactional

analysis, conditioning and behaviour) - attributed to
barbara dunlap
Once there was a very small person who had feelings. They had many feelings and felt them
every day. Their family liked them when they showed their feelings, so the very small person
started to wear their feelings on their sleeve. One day one of the small person's parents said
that they didn't like to see the FEAR feeling any more, so the small person tried to pull it off.
The parent said that they would give the small person some TOUGH to cover over their FEAR.
The small person found it very difficult to cover the FEAR with the TOUGH, so the other parent
and the grandparents all helped. It took many days. "Now you look wonderful," said the parents
when it was done. "We've covered some of your feelings with TOUGH, and you'll grow into a
strong person."
The small person grew a little older and found a friend. The friend also wore their feelings on
their sleeve. The friend said one day, "My parents want me to cover up my LONELY feelings,
and to be different from now on." And they were. The small person decided to cover over their
LONELY feelings too, and they got ANGRY from another adult. The small person put big patches
of ANGRY on top of their LONELY. It was hard work to cover over the LONELY feelings.
One day when the small person (who was now not so small) went to school some of their
LONELY feelings started to show. So the teacher kept them behind and gave them some GUILT
to cover their LONELY feelings. Sometimes when alone at night the person would look at their
feelings. The would pull off the TOUGH and ANGRY and GUILT to look at their LONELY and
FEAR. Then they would have to take a long time putting the TOUGH, ANGRY and GUILT back
again.
One night the person noticed that their LONELY and FEAR were growing, and beginning to stick
out from under the patches. So the person had to go out to find some more ANGRY to cover
the LONELY, and got all the TOUGH that their parents could spare to cover their FEAR.
The person grew older and became very popular because everyone said that they could hide
their feelings well. The person's parents said one day that they had a PROUD feeling because
the person had been so TOUGH. But the person could not find anywhere to put the PROUD
feeling because the TOUGH was getting so big. The person had trouble finding room on their
sleeve for any other feelings - the TOUGH and the ANGRY were all that showed.
Then after a time the person met another person and they became friends. They thought that
they were a lot alike because they both had only TOUGH and ANGRY feelings that showed. One
day the friend told the person a secret: "I'm not really like you - my TOUGH and ANGRY are
only patches to cover over my LONELY and my FEAR." The friend pulled back the edge of their
TOUGH and showed the person their FEAR; just for a second.
The person sat quietly and did not speak. Then carefully they too pulled back the edge of their
TOUGH and showed their FEAR. The friend saw the LONELY underneath. Then the friend gently
reached out and touched the person's FEAR, and then the LONELY....... The friend's touch was
like magic. A feeling of ACCEPTANCE appeared on the person's sleeve, and the TOUGH and
ANGRY had become smaller. The person then knew that whenever someone gave them
ACCEPTANCE, they would need less TOUGH, and then there would be more room to show
PROUD..... SAD ....... LOVING.... STRONG.... GOOD.... WARM... HURT... FEAR....
(Ack. Chris Davidson of Mountain Associates, and the Protective Behaviour practice, whose
original attribution for this story was as follows: "This wonderful story was found by chance. We
acknowledge whoever was inspired to write it and apologise for not being able to give them
credit by name...")
More recently I was informed that this story was written by Barbara Dunlap (thanks Kati
Collinson). For referencing purposes it is appropriate to say that the story is attributed to
Barbara Dunlap, and then ideally to show the other acknowledgements above, plus the
Businessballs website source.
I'd like to provide clearer attribution for this wonderful story. If you have more information
about its origins and particularly about Barbara Dunlap being the author please contact me.

the person who had feelings story - alternative version

It has been suggested to me that the English grammar use of the word 'they' in the above story
in referring to a person of unspecified gender is not helpful to people (for example to foreign-
language speakers) for whom the word 'they' suggests more than one person and is therefore
confusing. Accordingly here is an alternative version (thanks T Allyn) which substitutes the
words 'him' and 'his' for 'they' and 'their'. This version also employs a different style to describe
the final feelings where the original unconventional grammar might be confusing to certain
audiences.
Once there was a very small person who had feelings. This person had many feelings and felt them every day. His
family liked him because he was very entertaining when he showed his feelings, so the very small person started to
wear his feelings on his sleeve to please them. One day one of the small person's parents said that they didn't like to
see the FEAR feeling, so the small person tried to pull it off by himself, but could not. The parent gave the small
person some TOUGH to cover over his FEAR. The small person found it very difficult to cover the FEAR with the
TOUGH, so the other parent and the grandparents all helped. It took many days, but finally the TOUGH hid the FEAR.
"Now you look wonderful," said the parents when it was covered. "We've covered some of your feelings with TOUGH,
and you'll grow into a strong person." Later, the small person decided to cover over his LONELY feelings, too; so he
got ANGRY from one of his siblings. The small person put big patches of ANGRY on top of his LONELY. It was hard
work to cover over the LONELY feelings. One day the small person, who was now not so small, began to show his
LONELY feelings around the edges of his ANGER. So a parent gave him some GUILT to cover his growing LONELY
feelings. Sometimes when alone, the person would look at his feelings. He would pull off the TOUGH and ANGRY and
GUILT to look at the LONELY and FEAR. Then he would have to take a long time putting the TOUGH, ANGRY, and
GUILT back in place. Later the person noticed that his LONELY and FEAR were growing and beginning to stick out
from under the patches. So he had to to find some more ANGRY to cover the LONELY. He then gathered all the all
the TOUGH that his parents could spare to cover his FEAR. The person grew older and became very popular because
everyone said that he could hide his feelings well. The person's parents said that they had a PROUD feeling because
the person had been so TOUGH. But the person could not find anywhere to put the PROUD feeling because the
TOUGH was getting so big and thick. The person had trouble finding room on his sleeve for any other feelings - the
TOUGH and the ANGRY were all that showed. Then after a time, the person met another person and they became
friends. They thought that they were a lot alike because they both had only TOUGH and ANGRY feelings that showed.
One day the friend told the person a secret: "I'm not really like you - my TOUGH and ANGRY are only patches to
cover over my LONELY and my FEAR." The friend pulled back the edge of her TOUGH and showed the person her
FEAR; just for a second. The person sat quietly and did not speak. Then carefully he, too, pulled back the edge of his
TOUGH and showed his FEAR! The friend saw some of the LONELY underneath. Then the friend gently reached out
and touched the person's FEAR, and then the LONELY....... The friend's touch was like magic. A feeling of
ACCEPTANCE appeared on the person's sleeve, and the TOUGH and ANGRY had become smaller! The person then
knew that whenever someone gave him ACCEPTANCE, he would need less TOUGH, and then there would be more
room to show SADness, THANKFULness, JOYFULness, KINDness, Empathy, WARMTH, HURT, FEAR, .... and LOVE.

(Adaptation by T Allyn, August 2008, based on the original story which to the best of my knowledge is attributed to
Barbara Dunlap.)

See also the wonderful and cynical 'this be the verse' by Philip Larkin on the subject of parental
conditioning. Warning - the poem contains language that some might find offensive.

the human resources story (new starter induction, ironic

reference to human resources management, keeping
promises, employment standards)
A highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically knocked down by a bus and killed.
Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter welcomed her:
"Before you get settled in," he said, "We have a little problem... you see, we've never had a
Human Resources Manager make it this far before and we're not really sure what to do with
you."
"Oh, I see," said the woman. "Can't you just let me in?"
"Well, I'd like to," said St Peter, "But I have higher orders. We're instructed to let you have a
day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you'd like to go for all
eternity."
"Actually, I think I'd prefer heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." at which St. Peter put the HR Manager into the downward bound
elevator.
As the doors opened in hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a
country club; around her were many friends - past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy,
and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old
times. They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she
enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil, who was actually rather nice,
and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing. Before she knew it, it was time to
leave; everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The
elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing,
which was almost as enjoyable as her day in hell. At the day's end St Peter returned.
"So," he said, "You've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. You must choose
between the two."
The woman thought for a second and replied, "Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually
had a better time in hell. I choose hell."
Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back down to hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland
covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and
putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stuttered the HR Manager, "Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf
course, and a country club, and we ate lobster, and we danced and had a wonderful happy
time. Now all there's just a dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff."
(Thanks CB and CC)

the shoe box story (delusion, men and women,

marriage, relationships, secrets, weddings and best-man
speeches)
There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had
shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each
other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never
thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she
would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box
and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in
the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling
$25,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "My
grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I
ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily." The little old man was so
moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only
been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doilies, but what about all of this money? Where
did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the doilies."
(Thanks C Byrd)

the businessman and the fisherman story (ambition,

wealth creation, change for change's sake, purpose of
life, work and fulfilment - also featured on a 'Kit-Kat'
snack-bar TV advert)
A management consultant, on holiday in a African fishing village, watched a little fishing boat
dock at the quayside. Noting the quality of the fish, the consultant asked the fisherman how
long it had taken to catch them.
"Not very long." answered the fisherman.
"Then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the consultant.
The fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his
family.
The consultant asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, have an afternoon's rest under a coconut tree.
In the evenings, I go into the community hall to see my friends, have a few beers, play the
drums, and sing a few songs..... I have a full and happy life." replied the fisherman.
The consultant ventured, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you...... You should start
by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue,
you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a
second one and a third one and so on until you have a large fleet. Instead of selling your fish
to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open
your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to a city here or maybe even in
the United Kingdom, from where you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.
"Oh, ten, maybe twenty years." replied the consultant.
"And after that?" asked the fisherman.
"After that? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the consultant, laughing, "When
your business gets really big, you can start selling shares in your company and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" pressed the fisherman.
"After that you'll be able to retire, move out to a small village by the sea, sleep in late every
day, spend time with your family, go fishing, take afternoon naps under a coconut tree, and
spend relaxing evenings havings drinks with friends..."
(Ack Jean Kent)
the microsoft story (computers, WYSInotWYG, ironic
reference to computer software problems)
A different slant on the human resources tale above...
In 2050 A.D. Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in the Purgatory waiting room,
when God enters...
"Well, Bill," says God, "I'm confused. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell: you
helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet
you've also created some of the most unearthly frustrations known to mankind. I'm going to do
something I've never done before: I'm going to let you choose where you want to go."
Bill replies, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
God says, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly to help you make your decision."
"Okay, where should I go first?" asks Bill.
God says, "That's up to you."
Bill says, "OK, let's try Hell first."
So Bill goes to Hell. It's a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There are thousands
of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun
is shining, the temperature is just right. The whole thing looks perfect, and Bill is very pleased.
"This is great!" he tells God, "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"
"Fine," says God, and off they go.
Heaven is a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It
very nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thinks for a moment and announces his decision.
"Hmm, I think I prefer Hell." he tells God.
"Fine," says God, "As you desire."
So Bill Gates is taken to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decides to check up on Bill to see how he's doing in Hell. When God
arrives in Hell, he finds Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark
cave. He's being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going, Bill?" God asks.
Bill replies, his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, it's not what I expected
at all, I can't believe it. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful
women playing in the water?"
God smiles and says, "That was the screen saver."
(Ack CB and JM)

the "it will for that one" story (making a difference,

compassion, social responsibility)
A small boy was walking along a beach at low tide, where countless thousands of small sea
creatures, having been washed up, were stranded and doomed to perish. A man watched as the
boy picked up individual creatures and took them back into the water.
"I can see you're being very kind," said the watching man, "But there must be a million of
them; it can't possibly make any difference."
Returning from the water's edge, the boy said, "It will for that one."

the negotiation story (negotiating, men and women,

funny responses)
A sales-woman is driving home in the rain when she sees a little old lady walking by the
roadside, heavily laden with shopping. Being a kindly soul, the sales-woman stops the car and
invites the old lady to climb in. During their small talk, the old lady glances surreptitiously at a
brown paper bag on the front seat between them. "If you are wondering what's in the bag,"
offers the sales-woman, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband." The little old lady is
silent for a while, nods several times, and says ........ "Good trade."

the mcclelland motivation story (david mcclelland's

achievement motivation experiment, motivation
references and examples)
A pioneering thinker in the field of workplace motivation, David McClelland developed his
theories chiefly while at Harvard in the 1950-60's with experiments such as this one.
Volunteers were asked to throw rings over pegs rather like the fairground game; no distance
was stipulated, and most people seemed to throw from arbitrary, random distances, sometimes
close, sometimes farther away. However a small group of volunteers, whom McClelland
suggested were strongly achievement-motivated, took some care to measure and test distances
that would produce an ideal challenge - not too easy, and not impossible.
Interestingly a parallel exists in biology, known as the 'overload principle', which is commony
applied to fitness and exercising, ie., in order to develop fitness and/or strength the exercise
must be sufficiently demanding to increase existing levels, but not so demanding as to cause
damage or strain.
McClelland identified the same need for a 'balanced challenge' in the approach of achievement-
motivated people. People with a strong achievement-motivation need set themselves
challenging and realistic goals - they need the challenge, but they also need to be sure they'll
accomplish the aim.
More information about David McClelland's motivational theories.

the butterfly story (coaching, teaching, enabling,

facilitating, interventions)
A man found a cocoon for a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched
the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole. Then it
seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared stuck.
The man decided to help the butterfly and with a pair of scissors he cut open the cocoon. The
butterfly then emerged easily. Something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and
shrivelled wings. The man watched the butterfly expecting it to take on its correct proportions.
But nothing changed.
The butterfly stayed the same. It was never able to fly. In his kindness and haste the man did
not realise that the butterfly's struggle to get through the small opening of the cocoon is
nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be
ready for flight.
Like the sapling which grows strong from being buffeted by the wind, in life we all need to
struggle sometimes to make us strong.
When we coach and teach others it is helpful to recognize when people need to do things for
themselves.
(Ack Paul Matthews)

the swimming pool story (reviews and asessments,

assessing people, things are not always what they
seem)
Fred and Mabel were both patients in a mental hospital. One day as they both walked beside
the swimming pool, Mabel jumped into the deep end and sank to the bottom. Without a
thought for his own safety, Fred jumped in after her, brought her to the surface, hauled her
out, gave her the kiss of life and saved her.
The next day happened to be Fred's annual review. He was brought before the hospital board,
where the director told him, "Fred, I have some good news and some bad news: the good news
is that in light of your heroic act yesterday we consider that you are sane and can be released
from this home back into society. The bad news is, I'm afraid, that Mabel, the patient you
saved, shortly afterwards hung herself in the bathroom with the belt from her bathrobe. I'm
sorry but she's dead."
"She didn't hang herself," Fred replied, "I put her there to dry."

the butcher story (business ethics, chickens come home

to roost, sins discovered, getting caught out, lying to
customers)
A butcher, who had had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and
weighed it. "That will be £6.35," he told the customer.
"That's a good price, but it really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't you have
anything larger?"
Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the refrigerator, paused a
moment, then took it out again.
"This one," he said faintly, " will be £6.65."
The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision...
"I know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"
(Thanks Doug Boit)

the pavlov's dogs story (behaviour, conditioning, fears

and neuroses, embedded attitudes and responses)
Ivan Pavlov was a Russian physiologist who lived from 1849-1936. He founded the Institute of
Experimental Medicine in 1890, where his primary interest was digestion.
Pavlov's Dogs is the name given to Ivan Pavlov's seminal research in the early 20th century
which established some essential principles of Classical Conditioning in the field of human
psychology. Classical Conditioning concerns 'learned' or conditioned behaviour, (which also
forms the basis of behaviour therapy).
We all have behaviours that we might seek to change. The Pavlov's Dogs illustration helps us to
understand more about why we respond sometimes irrationally to certain situations.
Pavlov's Dogs provides a wonderful and true example for anyone seeking to explain or
understand how our past experiences can prompt certain behaviours in the future, for example,
phobias (irrational fears), neurosis (severe nervous or emotional responses to particular
situations), and even mild feelings of concern or anxiety that virtually all of us are prone to in
one way or another (eg., public speaking, fear of heights, flying, being reprimanded or tested,
etc.)
The initial Pavlov's Dogs experiment was simply to place a dog in a sound-proof, smell-proof
cubicle, with no outside view - a controlled environment in other words. A sound was made
when food was given to the dog, and the amount of salivation the dog produced was
measured. After repeating this several times (called 'trials'), the sound was made but no food
was given. The dog still salivated.
This simple experiment established that the dog did not necessarily need the food in order to
respond to food. The dog was responding to a stimulus or 'trigger' that produced the same
response as the real thing. Pavlov could make the dog salivate whenever the sound was made.
This is expressed technically: a 'Conditioned Stimulus' (the sound) can produce a 'Conditioned
Response' (the salivation), which was the same 'Unconditioned Response' (salivation in response
to food) for the original 'Unconditioned Stimulus' (the food).
Pavlov also proved that slightly different sounds to the original Conditioned Stimulus produced a
similar Conditioned Response, which he called 'Generalisation'. Pavlov also obtained the same
results by showing the dog a shape (a circle for food), and then established a level of
'Discrimination' by showing an oval when there was no food.
By continually repeating the Conditioned Stimulus, the Conditioned response was seen to
weaken, and then eventually to cease, which he called 'Extinction'. Surprisingly though, after a
day or two, when the Conditioned Stimulus (sound) was started again the dog again produced
the Conditioned Response (salivation), which is called 'Spontaneous Recovery'. This showed that
conditioned behaviours can become very deeply embedded and well established.
Classical Conditioning is responsible for all behaviour that involves 'Reflexes' - heart-rate,
perspiration, muscle-tension, etc.
Think about your own anxieties that produce these reactions. They are probably Conditioned
Responses from something (a Conditioned Stimulus) that you experienced in the past. Note also
that if the original response is very strong, the conditioning can result from a single event,
technically referred to as 'One Trial Learning'.
If you find this interesting see the Eric Erikson section, and look at Transational Analysis theory.
Dr Arthur Janov's book The Primal Scream is also fascinating and relevant to this aspect of
understanding personality and behaviour.

the beans up the nose story (accentuate the positive,

visualization, auto-suggestion, negative suggestions and
attitudes)
This lovely analogy illustrates how accentuating the negative can often produce the very result
you are seeking to avoid. The metaphor is so strong that it gave rise to the expression 'Beans
up the Nose', meaning to increase the likelihood of unwanted result by highlighting the potential
for it to happen.
Beans up the Nose is a great way to emphasise the need for managers to accentuate the
positive - not the negative - when communicating instructions to their people.
A mother was preparing a meal for her young son. She emptied a tin of beans into a saucepan
and put them on the stove to cook. Just then the phone rang - she was expecting a call and
wanted to take it. Mindful that she'd be leaving her little boy unsupervised for a minute or two,
and wanting to prevent him doing anything daft while she was out of the room, she firmly told
him, "Stay here while I answer the phone. I'll be back soon; don't misbehave, and whatever
you do, don't go putting those beans up your nose..."

the hawthorne effect story (elton mayo's motivation

experiments, motivation)
The Hawthorne Effect: the proposition that workers are more motivated more by emotional
than economic factors (i.e., by being involved and feeling important, rather than by an
improvement in workplace conditions).
So called after workplace behavioural research by Elton Mayo at the Western Electric Company's
Hawthorne plant in Cicero, Chicago, 1927-32, which ran on without Mayo until 1937. Mayo was
a founding father of industrial psychology, attached to Harvard University as professor of
industrial research from 1926, laying the foundations for later gurus, notably Herzberg
(Motivation and Hygiene Factors), Maslow (Hierarchy of Needs), McGregor (XY Theory), Peters
and Waterman ('In Search of Excellence' etc).
At a peak, 20,000 Western Electric employees were subject to research by a team of Harvard
scientists and up to 100 investigators. This massive ten year programme grew from the initial
experiment in which improved lighting was installed to assess the effect on workers' motivation
and productivity. Sure enough, productivity increased, but productivity also increased in the
'control group' of workers where conditions were unchanged, except that they were informed
they were part of the study. This was perhaps the earliest significant demonstration that people
are not actually motivated by improving their workplace conditions ('Taylorism' - after FW Taylor
- had been the common view, in which money and conditions were thought to be the prime
motivators). The Hawthorne Effect, and the experiments at the Hawthorne plant, proved that
people are mainly motivated not by economic factors, but emotional factors, such as feeling
involved and receiving attention.

the naval stand-off story (negotiation, do your research,

know your facts)
This story is an 'alleged' transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and
Canadian maritime contact off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The tale, in various
versions and featuring different nationalities, has circulated widely in emails and in books for
many years, and has been used by numerous speakers and writers to illustrate lessons relating
to negotiation, making assumptions, and related themes. Unfortunately it is not true, but it is
nevertheless a great story. If using this as a teaching analogy, you will probably be forgiven for
not revealing the truth of the matter until after telling the story.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees South to avoid collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship; I say again divert your course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN
THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR
COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES
WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: We are a lighthouse; your call.

the room service story (understanding, communicating,

interpretation, empathy, meaning)
This story was widely circulated by email around 2001-2, within which it was alleged to be the
genuine transcript of a telephone conversation between a guest and room-service in a hotel in
Asia in the late 1990's, and it supposedly appeared in an item published in the Far East
Economic Review. This is all false however:
Room Service is in fact a chapter from US comedian Shelley Berman's book 'A Hotel Is A Funny
Place'. In truth the incident portrayed never happened in any hotel, in Asia or otherwise. Shelley
Berman wrote 'Room Service' as a piece of fictional humour. Shelley Berman has kindly allowed
this extract to appear on this site, and this permission is gratefully acknowledged.
As well as being one of the best loved and funniest comedians and writers of his generation,
Shelly Berman is also a lecturer at the University of Southern California. More information at:
Shelley Berman.
The Room Service fictional exchange is a wonderful and amusing example of how and why the
effective understanding relies not only on language and communication, but also on the abilities
of the communicators to interpret meaning.

excerpt from "A Hotel is a Funny Place ..."

N.B. This material is a chapter from Shelley Berman's copyrighted book. It is reproduced here
with permission. Reading hints: You are on the phone. The other party is also in the hotel:
Morny, rune sore-bees.
Oh sorry, I thought I dialed room service.
Rye. Rune sore-bees. Morny. Jewish to odor sunteen?
Yes, order something. This is room thirteen-on-five. I want…
Okay, torino-fie. Yes plea?
I'd like some bacon and eggs.
Ow July then?
What?
Aches.
Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch…?
Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled, please.
Ow July thee baycome? Crease?
Crisp will be fine.
Okay. An Santos?
What?
Santos. July Santos?
Uh…I don't know…I don't think so.
No? Judo one toes?
Look. I really feel bad about this, but I just don't know what judo-one-toes means. I'm sorry…
Toes! Toes! Why Jew Don Juan toes? Ow bow eenlish mopping we bother?
English muffin! I've got it! You were saying toast! Fine. An English muffin will be fine. We
bother? No. Just put the bother on the side.
Wad?
I'm sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.
Copy?
I feel terrible about this but… Copy.
Copy, tea, mill…
Coffee!! Yes, coffee please. And that's all.
One Minnie. Ass rune torino-fie, strangle-aches, crease baycome, tossy eenlish mopping we
bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?
Whatever you say. Okay.
Tenjewberrymud.
You're welcome.

Next time someone sends you the email you can inform them: the above dialogue never
actually took place in any hotel anywhere in the world. The Room Service dialogue is an
intentionally composed humorous fiction and is entirely the creation of Shelley Berman, written
as a chapter in his book, A Hotel Is A Funny Place, publishers Price/Sloan/Stern. Copyright 1972
and 1985. Any claim to the contrary is utterly baseless and erroneous.
Room Service is © Shelley Berman. Used with Permission with grateful thanks to Shelley
Berman. Not to be sold or published.

the project story (project management, six phases of a

project)
Not exactly a story, but a widely referred to ironic model detailing the six phases of a project.
Do you recognize this model?

1. Enthusiasm
2. Disillusionment
3. Panic
4. Search for the guilty
5. Punishment of the innocent
6. Praise and honours for the non-participants

the mswindows car story (the power of PR, clever

publicity, using humour for publicity, don't get mad get
even)
You may have seen this before as it's been widely circulated over the internet. Whether it's true
or not, it's a great example of the risks of arrogant PR, and then in response, fantastic PR that's
utterly in tune with the mood of the moment. Despite all this though, a supremely powerful
supplier can, while they remain supremely powerful, re-write the rules of customer service.
At a computer expo (COMDEX) around 1997/98, Bill Gates of Microsoft was reported to have
compared the computer and automotive industries, saying that "If General Motors had kept up
with technology like the computer industry does, we would all be driving around in twenty-five
dollar cars that go 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to this alleged outburst, GM are supposed to have issued a press release along the
following lines, stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following
characteristics -

1. For no reason at all your car would crash twice a day, and you would have not a single
clue as to the cause.
2. Every time they re-painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept
this, re-start and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut
down and refuse to re-start, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT', but
then you'd have to buy more seats.
6. (Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast,
and twice as easy to drive, but it would only run on five percent of the roads. The
Macintosh car owners would have to buy expensive GM upgrades for their cars which
would make them run much slower.)
7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a 'general
car default' warning light.
8. The car's new seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before activating.
10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you
in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the
radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to additionally purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally
road maps (which would be a GM subsidiary) even though the customer neither needed
nor wanted them. Attempting to do without these extras would immediately cause the
car's performance to diminish by fifty percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a
target for investigation under the anti-trust laws by the Justice Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over
again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as in the previous
car.
13. And you'd need to press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.

the balloon story (business, IT, humour, funny business

story)
A man in a hot air balloon is lost. He sees a man on the ground and reduces height to speak to
him.
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
"You're in a hot air balloon hovering thirty feet above this field," comes the reply.
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do," says the man, "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's no use to
anyone."
"You must be in business," says the man.
"I am," says the balloonist, "How did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going, but
you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but
now it's my fault."
(You can of course substitute other professions as appropriate.)

the monkey story (company policy, organizational

development, group behaviour, group beliefs, inertia
and assumptions)
Start with a cage containing five monkeys.
Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it.
Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.
As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the monkeys with cold water.
After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the monkeys are
sprayed with cold water.
Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to
prevent it.
Now, turn off the cold water.
Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one.
The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs.
To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be
assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one.
The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked.
The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
Again, replace a third original monkey with a new one.
The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well.
Two of the four monkeys that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the
stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing the fourth and fifth original monkeys, all the monkeys that have been sprayed
with cold water have been replaced.
Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs.
Why not?
Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been around here.
And that's how company policy begins ...

the creativity story (ten ways to murder creativity,

leadership, growth and development, innovation and
motivation)
Again not a story, instead a sardonic view of the way that organizations typically approach
managing people and projects, which of course kills the creative incentive and capabilities of
creative people. Do you recognize the model?

1. Always pretend to know more than everybody around you.

2. Get employees to fill in time sheets.
3. Run daily checks on progress of everyone's work.
4. Ensure that highly qualified people do mundane work for long periods.
5. Put barriers up between departments.
6. Don't speak personally to employees, except when announcing increased targets,
shortened deadlines and tightened cost restraints.
7. Ask for a 200-page document to justify every new idea.
8. Call lots of meetings.
9. Place the biggest emphasis on the budget.
10. Buy lots of computers.

the scorpion and the frog story (reality, acceptance,

delusion, responsibility, blame, expectations, personal
responsibility, empathy)
Once upon a time a scorpion wanted to cross a brook. On the bank he saw a frog and asked if
the frog would give him a ride to the other side.
"Oh no," says the frog, "If I carry you on my back you will sting me."
"But why would I sting you when we would both surely perish," replied the scorpion.
The frog eventually conceded that the scorpion had a point, and agreed to the request.
Half way across, the scorpion stang the frog, and they both began to drown.
"But why did you break your word and sting me, knowing it would be certain death for us both?
" cried the frog.
"Because it is in my nature." said the scorpion.

the rocks in bucket time management story (time

management, personal change, managing your activities
and environment, project management)
Use this time management story to show how planning is the key to time management.
Start with a bucket, some big rocks enough to fill it, some small stones, some sand and water.
Put the big rocks in the bucket - is it full?
Put the small stones in around the big rocks - is it full?
Put the sand in and give it a shake - is it full?
Put the water in. Now it's full.
The point is: unless you put the big rocks in first, you won't get them in at all.
In other words: Plan time-slots for your big issues before anything else, or the inevitable sand
and water issues will fill up your days and you won't fit the big issues in (a big issue doesn't
necessarily have to be a work task - it could be your child's sports-day, or a holiday).

rocks in the bucket story (alternative funny version)

A lecturer at a university is giving a pre-exam lecture on time management. On his desk is a
bag of sand, a bag of pebbles, some big rocks and bucket. He asks for a volunteer to put all
three grades of stone into the bucket, and a keen student duly steps up to carry out the task,
starting with the sand, then the pebbles, then the rocks, which do not all fit in the bucket.
"The is an analogy of poor time management," trills the lecturer, "If you'd have put the rocks in
first, then the pebbles, then the sand, all three would have fit. This is much like time
management, in that by completing your biggest tasks first, you leave room to complete your
medium tasks, then your smaller ones. By completing your smallest tasks first you spend so
much time on them you leave yourself unable to complete either medium of large tasks
satisfactorily. Let me show you.."
And the lecturer re-fills the bucket, big rocks first, then pebbles, then sand, shaking the bucket
between each so that everything fits.
"But Sir," says one student, slouched at the back of the theatre, "You've forgotten one thing.."
At which the student approaches the bucket, produces a can of lager, opens it and pours into
the bucket. "No matter how busy you are," quips the student with a smile, "There's always time
for a quick beer."
(Ack Simon Dedman)
the murphy's plough story (positive thinking, negative
thinking, retaliating before being attacked, thinking the
worst of people, tit-for-tat, eye-for-an-eye)
Use this story to illustrate the risks of failing to use positive thinking. The story also illustrates
the common tendency for us all to retaliate before we are attacked, and humankind's potential
for tit-for-tat or 'eye-for-an-eye' behaviour, on which most international politics has been based
since the beginning of civilisation.
McGinty, a farmer, needed to plough his field before the dry spell set in, but his own plough
had broken.
"I know, I'll ask my neighbour, farmer Murphy, to borrow his plough. He's a good man; I'm sure
he'll have done his ploughing by now and he'll be glad to lend me his machine."
So McGinty began to walk the three or four fields to Murphy's farm.
After a field of walking, McGinty says to himself, "I hope that Murphy has finished all his own
ploughing or he'll not be able to lend me his machine..."
Then after a few more minutes of worrying and walking, McGinty says to himself, "And what if
Murphy's plough is old and on it's last legs - he'll never be wanting to lend it to me will he?.."
And after another field, McGinty says, "Murphy was never a very helpful fellow, I reckon maybe
he won't be too keen to lend me his plough even if it's in perfect working order and he's
finished all his own ploughing weeks ago...."
As McGinty arrives at Murphy's farm, McGinty is thinking, "That old Murphy can be a mean old
fellow. I reckon even if he's got all his ploughing done, and his own machine is sitting there
doing nothing, he'll not lend it to me just so watch me go to ruin..."
McGinty walks up Murphy's front path, knocks on the door, and Murphy answers.
"Well good morning Mr McGinty, what can I do for you?" says Murphy.
And McGinty says, with eyes bulging, "You can take your bloody plough, and you can stick it up
your bloody arse!"

Send your favourite.

(supposed) answer to the 'stranded car dilemma'

There is no right or wrong answer to this, and it's a daft scenario anyway, but the most
creatively balanced solution is arguably: Ask your old friend to drive the old lady to the town
and raise the alarm, while you and your lost love keep each other warm and wait for help to
arrive. Return to Stranded Car Dilemma Story.
see also
quotes - for teaching, motivation, amusement, speaking, writing and presentations
acronyms - for communications and learning purposes
funny air traffic control and aviation stories and quotes
funny insurance claims
funny Weakest Link answers
funny Family Fortunes answers

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