The Chemistry Tattoo

Chapter EXCERPTS from The Chemistry Tattoo by Mae Chinn Songer
First Excerpt: The question I set out to answer in his book is, What underlies the chemical attraction we have towards others and how does it impact our relationships? This includes friends and lovers, co-workers and family members. My professional career has been dedicated to helping people work through the obstacles that inhibit the success of their relationships. Essentially, I help people understand how to choose wisely, and once chosen, how to keep their relationships happy and enduring. The Answerconsistently, what gets in the way of successful relationships is unconscious thinking. Thinking that has been imprinted or tattooed into our brain chemistry, creating limiting beliefs. Tattooed or imprinted beliefs can act as unconscious roadblocks and they can, and often do, generate a feeling of what I call conditioned chemistry. This conditioned chemistry is the unconscious attraction we all feel towards certain people. It is the unconscious motivator that directs us to connect with one person over another. Whether in romantic relationships, social connections or in the workplace, we choose the people in our lives based on attraction, and that attraction is predicated on our conditioned chemistry. This book is primarily about understanding and changing your tattooed chemistry; thus the metaphor: The Chemistry Tattoo. Everyones tattooed chemistry is based on limited or erroneous beliefs to one degree or another. How, then, do we trust the chemistry we feel? How do we trust the feelings of attraction that we have for another person? How do we know that what we feel will take us into a good relationship, and how do we make a good relationship last once we find
one? The answer to these questions is both simple and complicated. Simple, in that successful relationships are almost completely based on healthy beliefs about relationships: complicated, in that we must understand and change our unhealthy, often unconscious, beliefs about relationships in order to have success. Second Excerpt: When a client comes to see me, it is almost always because something important in their relationships isnt working and it has reached a place where it is costing them more than they are willing to pay. They are having trouble and it is causing them pain and discomfort at a level they can no longer tolerate. Furthermore, their efforts to change the problem usually over a long period of time have failed and they are not feeling good about themselves. One of the first things I do is to help them build a framework of understanding by looking at the inception of how they gave birth to their core beliefs, which became their chemistry tattoo. This way they can see what is hindering them. I want my clients to understand exactly how they became who they are, and why they made the choices that brought them to this place in life, namely, my office. I want them to quickly experience relief from the shame, fear and anger they feel for being unable to experience the kind of relationships they need. I want them to know they are not weird, unimportant, stupid, crazy or unlovable, rather that they are just like all the rest of us. They have a chemistry tattoo. None of us can change what we cannot see and understand. So the first course of action is to begin to unveil what the clients core beliefs really are, where they came from and how they are impacting their relationships.
In this section on the birth of chemical attraction, we will look at the primary developmental pattern of attachment, along with the decisionmaking process we have as young children. This requires that we consider the results of less-than-perfect parenting, even abusive parenting, and the adaptations children learn in response to it.
MAE CHINN SONGER, M.S., President and Owner of ChinnSong, Inc., is an experienced ps chotherapist, !anage!ent cons"#tant, exec"ti$e coach and the a"thor of %he Che!istr %attoo. Ho#ding a degree in &"siness !anage!ent, grad"ate degrees in ps cho#og and ad$anced training in re#ationship co"nse#ing, Mae is a wo!an "pon who! !an indi$id"a#s, fa!i#ies, &"siness owners and professiona#s depend for persona# co"nse#ing and coaching as we## as professiona# g"idance for their career and &"siness goa#s. Ear# in her career, wor'ing in H"!an Re#ations and assisting CEOs in the !an"fact"ring ind"str , Mae &eca!e experienced in e$er aspect of &"siness. (isco$ering her strength in sa#es and !ar'eting, she de$e#oped a specia#t in the hea#thcare fie#d and &"i#t her own !edica# practice !anage!ent co!pan which she operated for fifteen ears. ("ring that ti!e period, Mae rea#i)ed her strength was not in hand#ing the detai#s of dai# ro"tines* her strength and first #o$e, was in co!!"nicating with peop#e in pro&#e! so#$ing sit"ations. O&taining a Master+s in C#inica# Ps cho#og , she &"i#t and sti## !aintains a s"ccessf"# pri$ate practice in ps chotherap . Ne$er #osing her interest in &"siness, she decided to create the &est of &oth wor#ds...to co"nse# indi$id"a#s, fa!i#ies, and &"sinesses* fa!i# owned &"sinesses. Mae is not the cons"#tant who has ne$er had hands,on experience* her &"siness experience is extensi$e and s"ccessf"#. Nor is she the ps chotherapist who has for!a# training &"t has ne$er experienced the diffic"#t, serio"s side of #ife* her persona# stor is an incredi&#e exa!p#e of o$erco!ing and winning. %h"s, Mae Chinn Songer+s #ife !ission de$e#oped...%o He#p Others O$erco!e and -in. %o #earn !ore p#ease $isit www.chinnsonger.co!

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Chapter EXCERPTS from The Chemistry Tattoo by Mae Chinn Songer

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