YOUR POWER TO SAY NO

Copyright 1981 by Vernon Howard

http://www.anewlife.org

Millions of men and women suffer terribly simply because they can't say NO. Few understand this strange
situation. You can.

There are many powers on earth. You have heard of solar power, the great power of wealth and of public
authority. There is the power of knowledge and propaganda and organization. You may have none of
these, but it makes no difference. You can do a thousand times better. You can be the king of your own life
with one overwhelming power.

NO!

That is the power. You possess the great power to say NO to people and events. It is a weak yes that lures
people into trouble and it is a powerful NO that can keep you safe. But you must learn how to develop and
use it.

You learn to say NO by understanding how and why a crafty world wants you to say yes. People want your
yes as a first step toward getting whatever else they want from you. This is not cynicism. This is a plain
fact and those who choose to ignore it will remain as victims. Of course cunning people will always mask
their personal greeds with fancy phrases and pleasant smiles. Does the hungry wolf ever tell the little lamb
his true motive?

So ask yourself constantly, "Why do so many people want me to agree to their offers?" Reply to yourself,
"They want my yes for their own gain, which will result in my loss. In brief, they want mine to become
theirs. But who said I had to give it to them? No one." It is exercises like this that prove that you not only
possess the potent power of NO but that it can free you from bothersome and intimidating people wherever
you go.

There is no end of tricks people use to prevent you from coming back with a firm and final NO. They try
to make you feel guilty, they appeal to your loyalty, they warn you of danger unless you agree. They shout,
plead, weep, threaten, coax, lie, accuse, pretend, promise, whine, shock, laugh, divert, rage, grieve,
demand, persist.

Just think! All these tricks collapse in defeat before the single reply of NO. Remember, NO is a high form
of intelligence backed up by Reality itself. Reality wants you to be free, while hoaxers want you to be
theirs.

There is the story of a country where everyone lived in his own little house on top of his own little hill. All
day long the citizens would peer out their windows and worry that a neighbor might sneak over and push
them off their little hills. While pretending that they were happy and secure they lived in concealed tension
and antagonism.

Does that remind you of how most people live? If you don't want to you don't have to live like most
people. No matter how long a person has been trapped in a nervous life of the little hilltop he can leave any
time he chooses to do so. He can begin his interesting journey to a new and solid land. He can see how
NO is based in reliable spiritual principles, that is rightly exciting to employ, and that is proves its own
power in daily situations.

EXPOSE THESE YES-TRAPS

There are dozens of places where you are now saying yes simply because you don't realize that you should
say NO. It is a spiritual and psychological law that awareness of the wrong makes room for the right, so
you should regularly uncover these unseen yes-traps. As examples, you may be harmfully saying yes
because:

1. You feel NO might seem unfriendly

2. It relieves nervous indecision
3. You fear a domineering person
4. It avoids your anxious explanations
5. You have always said yes
6. Someone has promised you a reward
7. It makes you seem kindly
8. You want to be accepted
9. Everyone else is saying yes
10. You want to avoid unpleasant reactions

The harm of a wrong yes is easily seen. Anyone can look back in life and see how an affirmative answer
created problems that a NO would have avoided. But here is cheery news. Even the damage of past
mistakes can be cancelled, which is a fascinating process. You will eventually learn how to say NO to
painful memories which try to drag you back into the past where you don't belong. You will dwell only in
the freedom of the present moment.

It will feel strange the first few times you start switching from yes to NO. But the strain is no different
from that experienced when you first learn a new game or learn to play music. But the strangeness fades
away naturally, leaving you at ease with yourself. Guilt is one of the feelings that will rise up to
consciousness but finally disappear. Guilt is one of the tricks used by your old nature which does not want
you to leave it for a new nature. Don't feel guilty over leaving a shack for a castle!

We learn to escape from self-defeating behavior in small ways at first. You can do this by thinking of
present situations where you now say yes but wish you could stop. Recall several small situations. Perhaps
you have agreed to meet regularly with a friend or relative but realize that it is really a burden. Maybe you
agreed to take the leadership in a certain project but now wish you had declined. You now know where you
must say NO. The next step is also clear. Say NO. Make the necessary contact and resign. Just like that.
Do it even if you feel nervous about it. Don't listen to your timidity. Do what is right. Do you know what
you are doing? You are getting your life back!

Learning to say NO consists of two steps, the mental and the spiritual. The mental comes first and consists
of knowledge about NO. You are now collecting these needed facts. In this stage you can think about the
power of NO but cannot as yet say it with inner authority and certainty.

The second step occurs when you yield yourself to something higher than your own intellect. This is the
same as saying that you permit the spirit of Truth to enter and guide your life. This superior spirit gives
total power to your NO, just as a sudden charge of electricity gives life to a television screen.

It is really this higher force that says NO for you. This makes it quite easy for you to express outwardly
that which you know inwardly. And what you know inwardly is that the higher power sees what is right for
you in every circumstance. It then acts and speaks thru you for your own benefit and safety.

YOUR INVISIBLE SIGNALS

Do you know someone who stumbles from problem to problem in his human relations? There is a reason
for it, which we will explore.

Everyone sends out a psychic signal which tells others all about him or her. Whether aware of it or not,
everyone is a walking signal. This invisible message publicly declares the life-level of the sender. If the
signal broadcasts a life-level of weakness and dependency and desperation it attracts those who will take
advantage of the sender. But a signal of strength and command is a warning signal that keeps plunderers at
a distance.
How does a deceiver study the signals? He watches you very carefully, while appearing to be very casual
about it all. He notices the way you walk and gesture and nod your head. He picks up clues from your
manner of dress. He pays special attention to your eyes and face and their changing expressions. All these
turn into signals by which he judges his chances for scoring at your expense. Hoping that you are an
extreme yes-man or yes-woman he quietly pokes and pries to see how far he can go. And he will go as far
as a weak signal permits.

Imagine three men in a room. One man radiates a signal of self-command and of powerful insight into
human nature. The second man's signal reveals ignorance, instability, indecision. The third man is a
charlatan who seeks human prey wherever he goes. The strong man's signal keeps the charlatan powerless,
but the weak man becomes the schemer's helpless victim.

Stated another way, a weak person is treated the way he unknowingly asks to be treated. His aim should be
to clearly see his signal as the invitation-to-disaster that it is. As he studies and develops inwardly he raises
his life-level and also therefore increases the power of his invisible NO.

The story is told of an evil king who captured several enemy soldiers in a battle. Taking them back to his
estate he put them to work as slaves. To outer appearances they were treated well, for they were given
sufficient food and comfortable living quarters. But one day one of the slaves dashed away in an attempt to
escape. Grabbing their swords the guards pursued the fugitive into the woods, but the slave made good his
escape.

We have several vital lessons in the story. The slave is anyone who has been captured by inner negative
states. He appears to be treated kindly but only as long as he does not try to escape. When the slave
started to dash away, all the surface kindness vanished and cruel swords took its place. Once you start to
use NO for your escape you will see angry forces both inside and outside that don't want you to break their
evil grip on your life. Simply expect this and realize that your spiritual weapon of NO is stronger than all
the hostile forces in the universe!

Since those who request something from you hope for a yes they may react in a negative manner to your
NO. But any anger or sarcasm on their part is their problem. You must not let them make you feel that you
have done something wrong. The opposite is true. You have done something right.

Don't let anyone cause you to become doubtful or irritable. The denied person will sense this as the
weakness that it is, and weakness is an invitation for the schemer to come and get it. You are the it.

Once saying NO you need only remain in the power and wisdom of this spiritual atmosphere. This keeps
you firm but polite, uncompromising and innocent.

LOOK BEHIND HUMAN MASKS

No experience is more beneficial and interesting than to start to see people as they really are behind their
deceptive masks. Keep the following facts in mind as your developing insight exposes the human show.
When first seeing that everyone is far worse than you thought it tends to make you nervous. This is simply
because you had trusted their strength and wisdom only to find they were fakes. Feeling deserted, you
nervously wonder whether true help in life actually exists. It does. So don't timidly pause when seeing the
shocking facts about people. Instead double your forward speed. You will reach high ground sooner.

As you start to say NO to people you see more clearly the nature of your true interests. And the more
clearly you see what is truly best for you the stronger becomes your NO. You win both ways. You will
learn how to say NO to:

1. Unpleasant people
2. Conniving flatterers
3. People who plead for favors
 4. Pressure groups
5. Hostile critics
6. People who refuse to grow up
7. Time-wasting idlers
8. People who threaten you
9. Cunning deceivers
10. People demanding a free ride

Quite often your NO can be silent. Maybe someone is trying to bait you into an argument or is trying to
irritate you. Be aware of his motive and don't answer at all. Remain quiet. Don't let the bait lure you into
the trap. Your silence must not be an egotistical attempt to frustrate him but must be only a conscious NO
to the temptation. You are never required to answer hostility. Your refusal to reply breaks off his attack,
giving it no place to go.

Almost all human advice is worthless. This does not refer to technical advice, such as necessary education
in science and mechanics and other subjects of daily need. It refers to psychological advice in which one
deluded human being says he knows what is best for another human being. He doesn't know. He is a lost
wanderer in the desert, teaching others in a desperate attempt to convince himself that he knows the way
out. He hides his despair and ignorance behind a false front of confidence and authority, but he can't
deceive himself. His advice is not only useless but downright dangerous and cruel, for he prevents human
beings from finding the pure cure of Reality.

No one knows more than you what is best for you. Do not surrender your intelligence to anyone. Just
realize that your inner knowing must be released to do its good work. NO-power supports this release.

You cannot be happy with a person who is unhappy with himself. His unhappiness will lean on you, snap
at you and drain your very life. These facts will become clearer as you employ NO-power. Accompanying
this higher clarity will be a wish for freedom from all wrong relationships.

Your aim is to change yourself, not the other person. You cannot change another human being any more
than you can breathe for him. Personal change is personal responsibility.

Great relief comes to anyone who stops trying to reform others and turns his energies toward spiritual
elevation.

YOUR GUIDING LAMP

Human beings groan and stagger under the burdens of economic problems, domestic difficulties, terrifying
tomorrows and much more. All man-made solutions have failed and will fail always. There must be a
spiritual solution or none at all. Where human intellect has failed, spiritual intelligence can succeed.
Human intelligence has created mechanical religion, which is a brick to carry instead of a lamp to guide.
You, the reader, can acquire a guiding lamp by seeing the difference between mechanical religion and
conscious spirituality.

Mental and physical restlessness makes a man the victim of one yes-trap after another. The restless and
insecure wanderer roams around seeking something solid enough to stand upon and soft enough to rest
upon. The world with all its sinister schemes is eagerly waiting for him. He then bounces from one dashed
hope to the next -- all because he does not understand the true purpose of life.

The real purpose of life? It is to develop inwardly, to experience deep spiritual transformation, to actually
become a different kind of human being, to find one's true self, to contact Reality. The restless wanderer
makes the mistake of finding only himself in every experience, like looking in a mirror and hoping to find
something new, but seeing only the usual. The restless person is caught in the painful contradiction of
demanding at the same time both his old nature and a new nature. That is like insisting on being both
outdoors and indoors at the same time. This impossible condition tears him apart. The methods in this
publication show him how to rise above the agonizing contradictions by rising above himself. Then he is
no longer tormented by his own restlessness. The weary wanderer has at last arrived home.

The individual who discovers the purpose of life is pleased at how he also finds a single new meaning in
life. He was once confused as to the many apparent meanings in events of life, which turned out to be
meaningless meanings. If he won the affection of a certain woman, he thought that meant he was attractive
and desirable. If he bought a new home, he thought that meant he was financially successful. But the more
of these kind of meanings he collected, the more desperate he became to find real meaning. The entire
problem collapsed by seeing life's true meaning -- it means everything to face yourself as you actually are,
then let Reality change you.

Don't feel bad if you don't understand this all at once, for these ideas are new to the mind. With patient
study your ideas will change into effortless powers. Even if you don't presently understand, the
understanding already exists. It is marvelously alive right now, even as you read these lines. It is as if you
are searching in a large library for a new book that you heard was richly rewarding. In your search you
may pick up dozens of wrong books but your persistence finally places the prized book in your hands. Just
as the desired book was already there, awaiting your approach, insight into life is already in place, ready to
welcome you.

Use the following valuable and interesting exercise for building NO-power.

Notice the dozens of small and distressing decisions you must make each day. You just don't know which
way to go. It is like coming to forks and more forks along an unfamiliar path. Take any one of these small
frustrations. Perhaps you don't know whether you should go shopping today or tomorrow. Or maybe you
hesitate to speak to someone about a minor problem. Here is how to break the torment. Just think it thru
the best you can and then select one of the two choices. Stick absolutely and finally with this decision.
Once making your choice the opposite choice will start screaming for its rights. Ignore it. Don't let it
intimidate you. Firmly tell it NO a thousand times if necessary. Let it know your decision is final. Once
the opposite choice sees it has no chance it will go away and leave you alone. Use this technique several
times each day. Watch how it sets you free.

UNDERSTAND HUMAN WEAKNESS

To stay free from the yes-mess, understand weak and hostile human nature. There it is. If you are tired of
being deceived and hurt, know the foe. Once you know the enemy you can easily NO the enemy. Here is a
three-part system for success.

First, peer closely at the faces and lives of yes-people. What do you see? You see pathetic men and women
who have agreed to their own defeat. They have meekly and foolishly surrendered to a life of exhaustion
and chaos and futility. Your face-watching is truly a positive and revealing exercise. It exposes the full
horror of a life wasted in a mechanical agreement with a lost world. Your examination of yes-people
should arouse an urge in you to do just one thing -- to have nothing to do with such folly.

As a second step, select a specific person in your life. Study his nature. Notice what he is like at any
particular moment. Study his words, acts, moods, pretenses. Notice what condition dominates him at any
particular time. Here are ten examples of dominating states:

1. A demand for attention

2. Nervous indecision
3. Wishing to appear important
4. Seeking approval
5. Pretense of happiness
6. Hinting for a favor
7. Lost and confused
8. An attempt to appear wise
9. Unloading troubles
 10. Endless and foolish talking

As a third step, observe how his moods and attitudes change all day long. He may go from depression to
elation to confusion and back again to depression. This means that exterior events control his life. And this
means his desperation toward life makes him a yes-seeker, out to grab anything to ease the pain. Have your
NO ready when he comes around.

Make a note of the following fact. Just because someone demands something from you it does not mean
that he has a right to it. In fact, his very demand is his disqualification. An angry demander is a desperate
person who refuses to do his own inner work of self-development, and you only add to his dependency by
yielding to his demands. Also a desperate demander is a part of negative life and you must not serve
negative life. The last thing he wants is for you to realize this, which means it should be the first thing you
should realize.

Declare your personal independence. Say NO to human nonsense. No matter how popular it may be with
others, you cannot afford it any more. Remember the letters NTN -- NO TO NONSENSE. Write these
three letters on a slip of paper and carry it with you. Glance at the secret code every so often during your
day. It contains the great secret for a new you.

MALE-FEMALE RELATIONS

Remember the term life-level. It is extremely important to connect it with your aim of building NO-power.
Your life-level consist of everything that makes your life whatever it is, good or bad. Your life-level
includes your thoughts, emotions, actions, responses, beliefs, ambitions, fears, inhibitions and so on. It
consists of anyone's actual inner conditions, not any self-flattering imagination one has about himself.

These facts are of great help in establishing and maintaining good and pleasant male-female relations. A
man attracts a woman on his own approximate life-level. A woman moves toward a man whose
psychology matches her own. When a couple meet who have matching low life-levels there will be
quarrels and heartaches. But if both have reasonably high levels they will enjoy each other.

Take a woman with a fairly low life-level of which she is unaware. It will do her no good to go out and try
to meet a strong and kindly man. The law of matching levels is absolute. She can find only someone like
herself, with resulting strife and stress. To find a truly good man she must first raise her own level by
studying and applying spiritual teachings. Only then can she recognize a decent man when she meets him.
You can recognize only your own level. To recognize the higher level in another person you must also have
that superior level in yourself.

Your NO-power will be as weak or as strong as your life-level. They fly together, like a pair of bluebirds.
And the bluebirds can choose to dwell either in a dark canyon or on a sunny mountaintop.

Of course there are right times and places to say yes, but you must know these right times and places from
your own spiritual nature. Above both yes and NO is Reality, whose judgment is perfect every time. By
placing yourself in contact with Reality that perfection becomes your expression.

It is like a single soldier traveling across the desert. He is in contact with army headquarters located on a
mountaintop at the edge of the desert. Whenever necessary the soldier glances up at the secret signal
coming from the mountaintop. He travels accurately and safely across the desert by obeying either the
signal of yes or NO.

Your spiritual yes is an agreement to whatever is good and healthy and natural. Look how quickly all this
puts an end to the painful indecision between the common kind of yes and no!

Picture a man wandering around in a dangerous storm. You rush over and ask him why he is placing
himself in peril. But he denies both the storm and his danger. After observing him you understand that he
had fallen down and was in a daze from a bumped head. He did not know where he was or what he was
doing.

That is humanity. Under the spell of immature thinking a man cannot see and admit the problem he is to
himself. In his unconsciousness he suffers from his inner storms of chaos and hostility and vanity but he
cannot understand them. And it is only his refusal to understand that keeps his life the terrifying storm that
it is.

NO wakes him up.

YOUR INVISIBLE POWER

Most problems and threats are invisible. Have you ever noticed that? You may think that your problem is
an irritating relative or a low bank account but these are really psychological and invisible problems. Since
a man knows little about his inner and invisible world he has no skill for entering and conquering it. Here
is where NO rides to the rescue. Being an invisible force itself it understands and commands all inner
conditions.

Here is one way in which invisible NO does for you what you cannot do for yourself. Suppose a certain
crisis is coming up tomorrow involving other people and you don't know what to do. Dozens of possible
actions and decisions whirl around in your mind but painful indecision remains. Then you become aware
that nothing good can come from all this, so you quietly say NO to your whirling thoughts. Your invisible
power of NO chases out the invisible confusion, replacing it with calm and practical procedures.

Just as surely as a harmful yes worked against you a beneficial NO will work for you. A NO-man or a NO-
woman will even find definite improvement in financial conditions. Nothing saves money like NO!

Do you suffer from anxiety? There is a wrong way and a right way to handle it. The wrong way is to
simply relieve its pressure. This is what people do when they angrily blame others or fall into self-pity. To
merely relieve anxiety makes its return a certainty, like a haunting ghost. There is another way to handle
anxiety. Dismissal. Once and for all.

A special reward awaits anyone who comes to know the power of NO. He can direct it inwardly to banish
hardened and harmful conditions. Here are just a few of the useless conditions that will feel the force of
your authoritative NO:

1. Tension when criticized

2. A closed mind
3. Fear of human evil
4. Unwanted habits
5. Feelings of helplessness
6. Hoping for external solutions
7. Pleading for approval
8. Tormenting self-doubt
9. Fixed and wrong ideas
10. Anxiety over being left out

You should NO these inner states away because they duplicate themselves in your outer life. See for
yourself how your inner and outer lives match each other. This will make you want to change the inner
cause in order to have a higher external result.

Few people ever realize the great prize they possess in the exclamation of NO. They take it as a mere
word, but you will learn how to employ it as a permanent power for self-security and lasting happiness.

Picture yourself outside and alone playing some kind of game. You invented the game and you made up
the rules. As you play you feel a natural and spontaneous pleasure. A few minutes later someone comes
along and asks to join your fun. You reluctantly say yes. After a few minutes of play the newcomer insists
that you change one of the rules to suit him, and you agree regretfully. Then a second and third and fourth
person asks to join the game and you sadly admit them. All four newcomers now pressure you to change
the rules to please them.

Your game is no longer your pleasure.

But you know what to do, so you do it. You just walk away and start a new game. No outside interference
permitted.

That is how an individual loses his life-freedom. And that is how he can win it back.

Your life is your life.

TRUTH IS THE TEACHER

The average person is like a haunted house with dozens of dark rooms filled with ghosts and phantoms.
These rooms are the unconscious and unvisited parts of his inner life. The rooms are occupied by repressed
angers and terrors, by baffling voices that whisper weird and dangerous things to him. And by strange
urges and pressures that he can neither express nor dismiss. It all adds up to a life of painful chaos that he
is glad to hide from others. But since he can't hide it from himself he suffers endlessly, never really
knowing what to do.

Unknowing is unnecessary. Because Truth exists. It will teach you all you need to know.

It is basic spiritual law that an individual must first see what is wrong with him before he can build what is
right. Wrongness is his actual and present nature, therefore that is the only thing he can see if he is honest.
If he lies and credits himself with nonexistent virtues he prevents inner change to true rightness. It is like a
doctor who first sees a patient's actual illness in order to start the cure.

Have you ever noticed how often an argument runs thru your mind? It is usually an agitated attempt to
solve a problem or push away a threat. And the only thing that results is an agitated mind unable to solve
the problem. This is because you are trying to find solutions where they can't be found. You can't solve a
life-problem on the mental level. You can correct an error in business or in cooking with the ordinary
mind. But life-problems require a higher view.

Let NO grow and you will end inner difficulties as easily as you now solve problems in business or
cooking. It is even better than that. When living the higher life all those painful mysteries will not appear
in the first place.

A beneficial NO is automatically followed by an equally beneficial yes. To say NO to people who try to
impose themselves upon you is to say yes to the pleasure of living your own life. When you decline to
accept society's subtle bribes you agree to stronger inner integrity. Saying NO to the destructive
excitements of the world is the same as saying yes to the security of a sane mind.

Happiness is to not have to explain anything to anyone. So notice how much unhappiness is included in
explaining yourself to other people. The apologetic attitude has gone so far in some faces and manners that
you see little else of their owners. How pathetic and how useless.

Timid explanations and apologies are based in fear. And fear is based in an individual's false self, the self
made up of all his delusory beliefs about himself. This invented identity continues to control a life only
because the individual carelessly says yes to it all day long. But with less yes the NO will grow, and the
compulsive need to explain falls away.

When you don't want to say yes you don't have to say yes! Your NO is your sacred right. No other human
being on earth has power over it. It belongs to you alone.
If you do not know who you are, have no fear. Let all your labels and opinions about yourself fall away, for
they are useless weights. Let yourself float freely in the sky above all earthly ties. You will finally be
drawn into the gravitational pull of a new planet. Upon your arrival in this new world you will know at last
who you really are. Then all is well forever.

SUMMARY OF PRACTICAL TRUTHS

1. No longer say yes when you really want to say NO. Your inner powers will make your success
certain.

2. Realize that learning to say NO is a practical and pleasurable adventure. It invites the kind of
day you really want.

3. Study the kind of invisible signals you are sending out into the world. Determine if they are
attracting wrong people and conditions.

4. It is possible to see thru deceitful human beings without fearing them. This is your perfect
protection.

5. Your purpose in life is to make contact with Eternal Truth, to acquire higher wisdom. Let
nothing block this purpose.

6. Remember that there is something wrong with an angry demander. You are not required to
serve his demands.

7. Your inner level always duplicates itself in the outer world. To raise exterior conditions, raise
your inner level.

8. Conquest of the invisible world of thoughts and emotions produces a happy person. He is the
same as a healed person.

9. You can know whatever you need to know for a truly worthwhile life. Just be a good student of
Truth.

10. Problems and pains fall away as you enter the new world of true spiritual wisdom. Let NO-
power guide you to that world.

~~~end~~~