Editor In Chief Elsie Ijorogu Reed Managing Editor Coordinator Kirthi Jayakumar Contributors Obiomachi Madukoma Aiswarya Chandrashekar

Stephanie Smith Designer Kirthi Jayakumar

Also, many parents complain on these forums, that friends and family members often perform tasks that the parents believes should be left for parents alone to perform, creating the impression that the parents are incapable of doing these things themselves. Of course this is not exclusive to parenting. We all like to know that our best efforts are good enough, and often feel bad when people, no matter how well intentioned, tell us otherwise based on their own experiences. This saying, it takes a village to raise a child, is not only true because truly no one person can single-handedly raise a child without some form of assistance, no matter how small. It also true because we as humans are social beings, belonging to various networks formed by family, marriages, friendships, jobs, and other relationships, and all these networks contribute in shaping the persons that we are.

Who has a say in how I raise my child?

Go on any parenting blog/ networking site/ etc. and youll find a ton of complaints about people constantly offering unsolicited remarks and advise on parenting. The more I read these posts, the more I realize that the issue is not really the unsolicited nature of the remarks, but the fact that people make seemingly negative comments when the parent is doing his or her best to provide the best care to the child.

There are indeed benefits that can be reaped from the contributions of family, friends, and even strangers, to raising ones child.

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One researcher argued that the experience of long term interaction among neighbours, neighbourhood safety and cohesion and an active neighbourhood environment all contribute to social capital among neighbours (Chong, 2007). In the study, social capital was defined as the features of social organization, such as networks, norms and trust that facilitate coordination and cooperation for mutual benefit (Chong, 2007). When a child grows up in an environment where each individual is concerned about the wellbeing of the neighbour and respectful of each others preferences, they learn to the value of social capital. In such societies people often work better together for the common good of everyone and children generally fare better and develop into more stable adults. Granted, there are those who are quite obnoxious, bordering rude, in giving opinions about others actions. There are also well meaning people who do have very reasonable and useful tips. We might flush out the baby with the bath water should we totally close our ears to any unsolicited advice when it comes to raising children. However, we must all be cautious when offering advice or help, bearing in mind that loving silence can sometimes be heard and appreciated much more than even the most well-meant advice which could come out sounding more like criticism than help.

To Spank or not to Spank?

Spanking as a form of discipline is a subject of much controversy. Some believe that spanking is essential if one wants to prevent their children from turning into spoiled brats. Others believe that spanking shows a child that violence is okay which will in turn make children think that hitting someone else is acceptable. The latter group prefers other methods of discipline, and in this article, we will look at both sides of the spanking debate, plus some additional disciplinary measures. Pros of Spanking Spanking according to some experts is quite beneficial for children. A study conducted by Calvin College, a US Christian college, which included 2600 participants, suggests that spanking a child up to the age of six tends to make the child more successful in school, more interested in attending university, more likely to work as volunteers and more positive about life in general. Other studies found that children were less aggressive and defiant when spanking was used. However just swatting a child doesnt always have the best results. Professor Robert Larzelere, states in a Los Angeles Times article that spanking with a love and limits approach i.e. hitting the child, but telling them afterwards that you love them is the most effective form of spanking. If a child is hit out of anger and frustration without an explanation as to why they are being punished than many of the benefits of spanking are mitigated.

By Obiomachi Madukoma

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In both studies, researchers indicated that spanking was only good between the ages of 2-6. After that, researchers stated that other methods of discipline; such as time outs, taking away of privileges, etc were more effective. Cons of Spanking Studies have shown that when spanking is used excessively, or as the only means of discipline, has a negative effect on a childs self-esteem. When the reason for the punishment is not explained to the child, the child will focus on the punishment and not the bad decision that they had made earlier says Baby Center.com. Using spanking after the age of 6, according to Calvin Colleges study, also seems to create more behavioral problems in teenagers. Also, numerous articles suggest that spanking can make a child lose trust in you, and create distance due to fear. As a result, when children become teenagers they are less likely to come to you about social or personal problems they might be having which could lead down a slippery slope to further issues. Lastly, some experts see spanking as a form of child abuse, and that spanking just perpetuates a cycle of violence that children would later repeat. It is also a confusing message for the child. Why is it okay for Mommy to hit me, but I cant hit my friends?
Almost all studies indicate that a variety of discipline methods are needed to raise a healthy and well behaved child. Across the board, all studies indicated that talking to your child and explaining why they are being punished prior to or

after a time out, grounding, revoking of privileges, or a spanking was the best way to discipline a child. Taking away a childs privileges such as going to parties, or taking away their cellphones works best on older children and teenagers, while time outs and grounding tend to work better for older children. According to a 2011 article in the Nigeria Mirror, even schools are starting to use spanking less, and instead are employing other methods of punishment. Regardless of what method you use, remember that communication is key to effectively disciplining your child.

By Stephanie Smith
Love Me Mama: A Delta Women Publication
Parenting is not only a sensitive issue, but also a factor that can impact the life of a child in the future in several ways. Delta Womens CEO Elsie Ijorogu- Reed and volunteer Kirthi Jayakumar co-authored a book on favouritism. Titled Love Me Mama, it is a story of an unfavoured child called Victoria. Vicky suffered because of the favouritis m her mother showed, among her four children, discriminating against Vicky. The difficulties of life led Vicky to build a wall of defence around her. Vickys difficult life led her to master the art of escaping the pains of rejection by becoming a high achiever. She thought she was fine and doing alright - until the day when her mother died. At that moment, Vicky realized, just then, that she never had a mother who loved her. She never would, either, because life cheated her out of a mother and now death had, too.

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From Elsies Desk

Parenting can be a sensitive issue for some. For still others, Parenting can come to signify a very huge responsibility. At any rate, the process of bringing up a child is fraught with challenges aplenty. Back when the world was still a simple place, bringing up a child might have seemed easy: but the challenges were as real then as they are today. What has changed in the present day, though, is the extent of information, access and materialism that children have in their command, today. Children can get online to find out anything: gone are the days when their parents were their sources of information for anything. Children can do a lot more today, as more professional capacities have emerged to professionalise every talent under the sun. The challenge on the parents are doubled. Today, people are more inclined towards being selfish and in the process, they may indulge in favouritism and inappropriate partiality in favour of one side. On the flipside, parents are too busy to give their children the attention they need to grow and evolve. So this leads them to overcompensate: they gift their children, buy their love through the offering of a bribe, literally. On that note, I hope you enjoyed reading through this issue. Parenting is a nuanced issue, and were all set to take you on another journey in the next issue, with much more on the subject.

But it also comes with a huge burden: that it is easier now more than ever, for children to go down the wrong route in their lives. Wrong influences, peer pressure, inappropriate information and unacceptable promiscuity in all quarters around them are the tip of the iceberg when it comes to their challenges today. Not to forget, of course, the terrible burden of competition and the unhindered and unabashed exacting of higher and higher standards in education by the day. Sadly, many children are schooled, not educated.

Stay Strong, Be beautiful, keep courage and feel the power!

Elsie Ijorogu-Reed

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PROJECT EYE-CARE Instead of just giving them reading glasses, since some dont read and just use it to see numbers on their mobile phones, they cannot do their daily chores or business with it, we would like to ensure that they have a convenient system to rely on. Delta Women also learned that some complained that we have added more problems to them as they now have to go to the hospital as prescribed, but have not realized that it is for their own health. Delta Women need volunteers to help spread awareness and to build the planning stages. This project is being jointly headed by Elsie Ijorogu-Reed and volunteer Kirthi Jayakumar. OKUIJOROGU SCHOOL Delta Women is proud to inform you that we are monitoring the progress or paper work, for the award and start of work, and that we will be updating our members soon with dates of commencement of work on the school premises, once it is given to us! EMPOWERMENT PROGRAM Delta Women is working towards empowering the youth of Adeje, Nigeria, by giving them renovation and building skills to enable them to renovate their town center and acquire skills. Currently, the community Center has begun being constructed, and there are 19 recipients of the training program. Anybody interested in assisting the youths of Adeje should contact us at: [email protected]. Delta Women met with the Usiavwe of Ekpan, Chief Newton Agbofodoh, towards its empowerment initiative at Ekpan. The idea was to further expand our 'Pay Forward Empowerment Initiative'. The process has opened up plenty of support for our initiative as the Chief has been kind enough to support our endeavour by taking it forwards to EKPAN!" WELCOME, NEW VOLUNTEERS! Delta Women welcomes 10 new volunteers, who join our team this month to work on our various projects.

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Images from Adeje!

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