The authentic me in my journey

PROLOGUE

Only when the cup is empty, it can hold some amount of water, and if it is bursting at the seams with water, it even cant hold the water. Our wisdom is also the same, more the wisdom, the more we should be open to new concepts. There are many small things in our life, which makes a large difference cant be learned in schools, colleges or offices or somewhere else. It is learned in a small thing, which makes the things to next echelon and people call it life. Its not some inspirational or motivational stuff, but it is my simple set of events. After a lot of events and lot of duels with my mind has created something new. It is not a Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge where the hero(sorry for calling me hero) meets some heroine and flirts with her and falls in love(I often inkling myself whether SRK and KAJOL have really fallen in love in that movie). When we are talking to somebody, we sometimes joke, but then we recognise their mood and talk seriously. I recognised your mood and speaking seriously, it is not a journey where I have made strategic changes in my life, but I have made strategies which can make a change in my life. To speak without relating to the topic, the only way is to hit the wall hard. For some reasons I have changed some character names. For many reasons I have included my name. I love criticising myself because I always can get the best and for many

reasons I love myself because it gives me, self respect. So here is my journey.

I have to write something here, scribble or make some hell. What the thing happens, I am gonna write here something. I said to mind. I spent a lot of time recollecting, and thinking myself what and how to write, but at last I couldnt even pen down a thing. It was my last exam and often the toughest subject in the semester. I scolded the administration for keeping the toughest exam at last. The lecturer was a dumbo and only a just graduate. He just wrote the text book and read it as news in class. For gods sake I didnt even listen a single class and sometimes I even wouldnt notice his presence. Most of the period time, I end up playing angry birds and bingo with my friends. Its me speaking: There are two mes in me, one always opposes the other. Please meet them First me: Hi....reader... Second me: Hi scholar, This is the correct way of telling people, first me.

First me: Flirting and impressing right. Second me: Shut up. Its me speaking: Sorry friends they keep on quarrelling. So back to their entry in my novel.

First me: You should have listened to classes, at least you would have written something about that topic. Second me: What the hell did he teach in class, anyways? He read news and went away. First me: At least you should have read yesterday. Second me: Didnt I? First me: Did you? Joke of the year. Second me: Fuck you!!! Half-an-hour more the invigilator warned, as if I have used system in an internet center. Time was running and I stopped stalling with mes in me. I have decided to write there something. I started writing all the possible things about that subject and to spice up I even ended up writing equations and also drew some diagrams. Second me: See I even drew diagrams too. What an awesome exam.

First me: But they were wrong dude. Feeling as if you had done a miracle. Second me: Why do you.... The voice of mes stopped in middle. The girl passed in front of me. The presence of her air made my heart pound fast. For gods sake this thing happens. The movies are not always wrong but there are some realities which are true. First me: You said that you dont love her any more. I dont know why I still turn my head, when I see her. I said to myself with a tone that I only could hear that voice. Hey! How did you write your exam? my friend asked me. With pen. I said wittily. So exams are down no, then what is your evening plan? he asked. Not yet decided? oho okk. Today we all going to chemistry lab, exams over na. You coming aaa First me: see how that idiot is talking. You coming aaa, you going aaa. Mixing telugu accent. Its me speaking: Finally I forgot to tell chemistry lab is the thing we only get some chemical substance called C2H5OH(ethyl alcohol). But I promised to myself and both mes in me that I would never get to that habit.

First me: There are always idiots available to you to spoil you. Second me: ....... So finally I moved out of the exam cell. The word determines the intensity of the exams. Exam cell, I saw that written on one of the corners written within our exam halls. Second me: My ass hall..and it this is a hole too. First me: Language, stupid. Me speaking: People dont like you to be stubborn in any matter. They like to join them in any issue. Sorry dude, I cant come, you know I dont drink and I am afraid of that. Rey nothing happens, see we are there na. You can make a try. Rajesh said(its that telugu accent guy.sorry I thought if I gave him in the middle. Poor in writing) Second me: Screw him. What the hell people around you. First me: Just escape from him. Ok! Dude bus is running. Gotto catch the bus. I just acted hurried. I just ran near my college bus and found if there is a window seat. First me: Window seat. Window seat...yaaa and its window seat.

Its me speaking: I love window seat for a lot of reasons. I dont know I cant imagine myself sitting on the other side of window seat. For gods sake it sucks. In bus the last 6 rows belong to girls and other 5 rows belong to boys and so I finally I sat on the bus row which is just preceding the girls row. As it was last day, some extra girls have boarded bus and I was alone sitting in my row. Second me: Get up dude. Its me speaking: I am an introvert basically. In fact I fear of talking to girls. I even hold an individual record for not talking to any girls in my college. (Even right now when I am writing) So one guy near me offered them his seat and after a few minutes, he started flirting with them. First me: See that idiot. Second me: He offered her seat and he is just talking casually. First me: No he is flirting. Its me speaking: In these journeys we have a lot of time to think, but we do stupid talking all the time. Thinking if your girl friend is talking to somebody else or you scold to traffic or somebody is having affair with somebody. These thoughts suck me.

So I came home and took a promise on the previous day that I wouldnt open computer on coming to home. First me: Keep your promise. I came home afternoon and had a full meal. Second me: Hey! Control your meal dude, remember your previous holidays, how you got a small tyre around your belly. Ya..I got it. I am gonna do it. I told myself mentally. My overwhelmed mom started keeping more food. You told you are hungry mom kept a different expression. I am full. I cut shot my conversation. My mom kept a different expression. Its me speaking: There have been days, I usually feared to mom like anything. But when days are gone and when there was a small moustache grown above my lips, I dont fear about mom. But dad, I still fear of him. But when I start wearing formals and open a bank account, it will reduce. In life there will be somebody who always you fear of. But mom and dad are the best persons who you can fear. But in future there are dangerous persons like boss, the bank you have taken loan or your ex-girl friend or your wife. So had a good meal and thought of taking a small afternoon nap.

I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Uff god exams are gone, but did you write all exams well. Let me review myself. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: First one rocking, second one hmmm say it average, third one afraid of passing too. Fourth one not bad, Fifth one.... Its me speaking: When we do a thing in a spam of days, we always remember our first and last days particularly. But in the middle we can try to remember. Have you noticed this, sir(Sorry I am authentic because I dont want to impress, because you are already awesome.) I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Fifth one two questions written well I guess. Sixth one todays exam. Hmm if he considers last question then that is fine. When I was reviewing myself my dad entered the dragon and he was shouting somebody in office. But the best point with my dad I have to accept his he never shows the office mood in home. But he suspects me often as he is a bank manager. He gives me loan (pocket money), conducts an inspection (like what I do with money), asks guarantee (I keep bike or Computer time or my marks sometimes.) How was your exam, chaitanya? dad asked Hypothetical question Fine dad I just kept watching movie.

How many marks are you expecting my dad asked me expecting some different answer. I know my dad. First me: Remember the last question today. I guess I wrote some four questions better in five questions. Then what about the remaining question, you didnt write well. Its me speaking: Gosh....overwhelming parents, they keep you hype like anything. When parents are low on us, it will be a difficult thing, when you are high they push you to run a hard marathon. Ya. Dad I wrote half of the question well, but the remaining I didnt Didnt you read that question yesterday. My dad asked me expecting my tongue stick to my enamel. It was unexpected question dad. Didnt you hear the lecture? my dad became a CBI official who enquires a culprit. When did I? I murmered with in me. Second me: Its time to lie otherwise you will die Dad, the derivation missed me. Otherwise the exam was well. I lied (I dont want to hyperventilate, but I didnt lie, I was convincing and keeping my dad happy.)

My dad started his internal tape recorder of his lecture, which he always kept ready in his mouth. He started the routine lecture. He ended it quickly. If he had known the truth, he would have screwed me down. There was prolonged silence in my house. When my dad lectures me, I will take some time of silence. My father feels as if he has given a Shaktimaan speech and people will be telling sorry Shaktimaan. Chaitanya, I have good news for you. Dad said. My mom came with an enthusiastic face from kitchen running. Silence ended. Guess what? my dad asked. Are you buying me a new bike?of course complicated question and I know the answer is no. No Tell me dad, there is a suspense movie running in the next theatre, I will go and watch there. Stop pulling my elbow, right now dad. If you tell this, I am gonna give 200 bucks. my mom challenged.

Its me speaking: When 200 rs word came a head phoness image had come in my mind. Finally my dad announced the news as if judge announces results in the reality show. As in reality shows, there came a break in the form of my dad phone. I kept stalling with my mom for some time. Sir, the 8- day Kashmir package, 8-day Kashmir package my dad said and my dad eyes and met and as usual I jumped in excitement. My mom too noticed the expression. I was jumping in excitement. My dad kept the phone down, I was waiting for to question him, Dad when will we be leaving? Next week. Lets check the details on internet. My dad said. I immediately ran to take out my laptop and something was running inside me. Wow you will be snow and it will be minus degrees. I was assuming in my thoughts. Immediately we opened lap top. My dad stumbles in opening and seeing the details. My dad kept on opening watching, but he didnt reach. Its me speaking: Our elders lack some sort of technical and gadgetical (a pretty new word, its revolving around online,

its not yet updated in Word) knowledge. My dad is a professional banker, but I am professional online searcher. In these days, the most of jobs depend upon your internet skills. Gone are the days, where you can remember lot of things. But these days, if you know what you actually want, it is easy to bring the stars down. So you got to know is just browse things and use resources around you. First me: Its your time now. Dad! give it to me, I will see. I responded. My dad kept a silent expression and was still fighting. Dad I will do it. I once again responded. My father handed me the computer and started browsing the tour details and immediately showed him the details. Second me: Dude its Gulmarg. Wow! Gulmarg. I mentally exclaimed. Its me speaking: I read about this on the back side of the class mate book. Generally they give tidbit information on the back side of the book. I have started ignoring classes and even started acting that I am writing notes. I take the last page of my note book and repeatedly write Rockstar Chaitan (I like myself calling that), or doing FLAMES (guess you should have know about it. It gives the relation between a boy and girl. Its a boy hood fantasy. I always get Love when I do it and I laugh within myself. (poor me)). On

this information I read the information I read about Gulmarg that is the highest cricket ground on the planet. Dad, how much is the expense? Its round 19,000 per head. Dad said. So finally we booked our tickets. First me: Wow!! Kashmir, it will be rocking. Second me: Cant wait to see Gulmarg. Its me speaking: I even imagined, like people playing cricket in the ground and even the hills. First me: But you will be travelling with a lot of people around. So there may be no privacy. Second me: You will be in your own world, why worry about others. When I was thinking, I was cuddling on bed and I dont know when I slept, but took a small nap. Its me speaking: I dont know whether this happens with you are not, but it does happen to many people. If you decide everything is going well, then all of sudden you encounter a problem. As said the problem was with the message I received in the evening. Der wil be clses for CRT trng al dis week. First me: What the hell. I imagined different things, starting to write a book, plan for the beautiful trip, face the fears.( I

read this concept in a book. Its an awesome line I have even kept a small handmade out cut- out in my room). Second me: I even imagined reading different books. Thought of reading The secret letters of Monk Who Sold his Ferrari. Everythings gone. I agonised within myself. Eventually phone calls kept on coming, from my friends and most of them included bitching and abusing our Principal. Ours is one of the reputed college in this region, students have come from different places and some people have planned to go to their respective towns, but at a stance, a missile was dropped on us. Second me: Hey. Decided to buy The secret Letters of Monk Who sold His Ferrari. First me: Hey first concentrate on your studies prepare for the campus interviews. Its me speaking: I dont know how and when I got into this habit, but I bet this habit has driven me to next level. (sorry not boozing). When I joined engineering I got into habit of reading books. I would like to spend every buck on the book. The monk who sold his Ferrari, The Alchemist has been my best books and had felt my live moments during that books.

I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: I always feel like reading all the books and they keep me high. In the previous days I have been pretty low but htey have got me inspired. After a while my phone started ringing. Hi, Vishnu said Hey dude. I said still recovering from that shock How did you do you exam? he asked me. Not bad, just managed with mere luck. Curbing my anxiety and sulk about my one week college in holidays. Tomorrow there is a match, are you coming. For gods sake I will be coming, its been years. I guess I forgot how to hold to bat also. So after some gossips and scolding girls in our class and their class, finally I decided to put phone off. I just sat in my room alone and brought the book, I wanted to read. I completed my dinner as early as possible and ran to my room to start reading book. Second me: Wow!! The book you dreamed to read is in your hands. First me: Hmm,,Yeah... I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Wow..Jonathan is just like me, the troubled one.

All night I was reading hr book and without my notice I came to know that I was in 125th page and the time was 1.00A.M. Tomorrow I have to rock the match. I said to myself and imagined myself playing the match winning innings. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: What the hell is happening is with me? I have pretty low percentile, can I get through the campus recruitment. Will Sruthi accept me. If I get a job I will run away from my dad, I cant bear his tiresome lectures anymore. Its me speaking: I have observed that, during and before sleeping, we should give positive suggestions to our mind. The thoughts before sleeping, highly influence the dreams we get. A bad dreams always effects the days performance. But in every house(to be specific, in upper middle class and especially in Engineering students house)parents start screwing youngsters during meals and before sleeping. My dad also screws before going to college also (pitiable me.) So morning I woke up and ran to the ground as soon as got a call from my friend. The morning in Tirupathi is really awesome. The piligrimage, the morning temple bells, the hills, the locations, I really love them. I always find the hills breath-taking in the morning and I always take photographs of that. So we finally reached the S.V. Campus grounds.

Most of them crowded with engineering students. All are having an expression of freedom as if they are released from a jail. Its me speaking: This exam thing really kills, the night out and morning alarm and the stupid questions in exam, really sucks. So the match started and I was the opening bowler and first ball, it was clear bowled. I cant control the anxiety and he was a good player. So I became proud of that day. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Come on dude focus on the bowling, one more wicket. You can do it beta. So finally in the match, I have thrown to loose balls and the batsman took good chance of it and hit two fours. As it is a local match we have to end it by 12 overs. I managed of bowling 3 overs and gave 21 runs and one wicket. First me: You are screwed man, what kind of bowling you did. Just the batsman had a lot of time to hit, no pace. Second me: Ok, no problem lets see myself in batting. The other team which consisted of some of our seniors and some college people, they ended up scoring a 77 run score for a loss of three wickets. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Not a bad score, 6point something average.

Its me speaking: I am so lazy, that I can calculate only the first decimal. Even though if it is my exam score. Our guys managed consistently scoring a 49 runs in 7.3 overs. But we lost 6 wickets. Chaitu, come to bat. Second me: Rock the party baby. The other side who was my class mate Roop, but I didnt consider him much, asked to come me. Easy Chaitu, just keep on with singles and dont give a loose bat. We hit our bats and I was finally on the crease. So me and Roop consistently rotated our strike. I thought hitting a four, but I missed the ball and it has gone above the wickets only by few inches. First me: Slow. Chaitu just rotate the strike and we can win. Roop said. The next ball bowler started to tempt me by throwing a slow ball. But I played it into the gaps and ended up with a double. The last ball Roop hit a big six, like the Dhoni six in which the 2011 world cup. Everyone were cheering and I too was cheering, but put on a fake smile.

I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: I too have played responsible innings, but everyone were praising him. Its me speaking: The same thing happened in our 2011 world cup. Gambhir has played a striking and supportive innings, but the credit has gone to Dhoni for the last six. Any how the sweet is we won the match, but sour is I didnt get recognition for what I played. Hey, we did it. Roop came and said to me. Ya I said with a burning heart. The time was ticking to 10.00 A.M in the morning and the sun was vomiting its heat and the sweat was pouring on my shirt and as I was continuously running between wickets, For gods it is very difficult to run between wickets. Then I started my bike and started driving my bike. Its me speaking: I really love bike rides, alone or with my friends. With my friends, I dont why sometimes I do talk passionately. But when I go alone, I feel the air going deep into my hair, and I love that feeling. Of course my hair becomes dizzy. Sometimes I do think of my..I dont know what to tell about her, is she the girl I love or am I infactuated or some hell I dont know but I always think of her.

As it is Sunday the traffic police wait for their prey to catch and write a fine on. After some escapades, avoiding traffic signals and blazing through small streets I escaped from the predators. Its me speaking: Always drive your bike at the right side of the road and you will never be caught. I bet. I finally came home, parked my bike, my father was standing like a border security. I cant make an eye contact with him. For gods sake I havent done anything guilty, why should I fear? I said mentally to myself, and after all it was my holidays. I entered to my room and wished my dad good morning, to test whether he is ready to attack me or not. Good morning he said dryly. Wrong signal. I said to myself. As my shirt was completely sweated took a bath, then had watched movie and it was the day satyameve Jayate program was started. The show actually hosted by Aamir Khan, to expose the social and economical issues. To say the program was a good start, regarding a very sensitive issue, female foeticide. Its me speaking: In India we are really good starters, but not better finishers at the end. We start everything with a good pace, but end up doing only the little. We see a thing and get highly inspired that thing, and we will be fixed to that thing, but at last we end up doing that thing. For

suppose, on one of the episode of Satyameve Jayate they have focused on Indian weddings and dowry. How many Indian parents would have viewed that episode and how many parents have really changed their decision. I bet only one hand is necessary to count to them. Its me speaking once again: From here I will include my calendar, time zone too. 6th May 2012, time: 1350 hrs It was one of the laziest Sunday afternoon, I hated almost. The day was going slow. Neither a good movie nor a good program was coming on the TV. When I was flipping on the channels, I accidentally happened to watch the final scene in Happy days movie. Where Tamannah(Why did she add, h in the ending. Tamanna is better na.) and Varun Sandesh(In tollywood right now to sustain you need to have a god father or a star father, but Varun sorry yaar.) they meet and she wears a red saree and asks him out. And finally asks him out and kisses him. (of course they havent shown that.) See every boy hits the girl he wants, and see how happy they are. But me, shit man! Why didnt she talk to me. Then why. First me: Whom do you love man? Second me: Sruthi. First me: But what about Deepthi.

Second me: Who said, thats over. First me: Hmmm... I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: I did really love Deepthi, but whats wrong. Immediately a visualisations of my first love story came into my mind, like a movie, somewhat resembling to Ye Maya chesave. In the middle of thoughts I slept. I had a dream in my sleep, like myself going out with a girl, that was the only image I can see in my dream. But in the dream I was happy, with her. Its me speaking: In dreams, we run a blur of images. In inception and final destination they have presented this dreams concept extremely well. I woke up all of sudden, I wish, if my dream would come true and who is that girl? First me: Dude you know where you are running too. Its me speaking: This first me is a dumbo, he keeps on threatening me, with stupid pranks. Second me: He knows just shut up. I immediately curtained my thoughts, just woke up. First me: Guess, its better to be busy always. Other wise this stupid thoughts. Second me: Dude, its time to decide.

I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Deepthi or sruthi. Its me speaking: I havent spoken to any one of them, but even then I was making options for me. Stupid me. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Deepthi, sruthi. Guess he was mentally repeating himself. One co-incidence, is both the girls names end with I. I then just walked into my room and kept the book yesterday I ended in 125th page. But I couldnt get continuity for what I was reading. So I again started reading from the beginning of the chapter. But the point was that I couldnt concentrate on the book. Once again my concentration has diverted to Is matter. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Sruthi, Deepthi hmmmm. Once upon a time I had a crush on Keerthana. Not a coincidence, her name ends with a. Suddenly an immediate stupid thought came into my mind. Second me: Hey almost every girl name ends with A, I, U. I started cross checking all the girls name, first I started with my class mates, then my relatives. Yes this has worked. Its me speaking: Yes it is true, every Indian Hindu girl names ends with either I, A, U. If you want take time and check it.

This matter has kept me excited and with a lot of excitement I told it to my mom. My mom too got excited. The time went on and on and on. First me: Cmon its getting boring. Second me: Ok, its fine, today lets go to Chandragiri. May be I can chill out with Deepak and Sai. Its me speaking: Chandragiri, which is ten kilometres east from Tirupati. It is just a small town(of course a mandal) and it touches in the road between Tirupati and Bangalore. It has a beautiful fort built by Sri Krishna Devaraya. Most of my childhood striking memories have been there. My first quarrelling, my first cricket game, my first walk, my first crush, and most of my firsts are there. My grandmother and grandfather have been living there since 41 years exactly. (I remember my grandmother telling me that, my mom has born, when they just moved there, and thats why I am that exact.) Dad, today I want to go to Chandragiri. I asked. Why? Stay in home. Second me: Oh! Mission re-accomplish, plan-b. Its me speaking: Actually its my moms place and I dont why even right now my dad object me from going there. Guess every dad is like that. (p.s:- My dad is better, lucky mom, pitiable me.)

Dad from 15 months, I have peddling my gear for my exams. Wow! You applied your idiom in the right situations. 15 months, my dad said. Oh! Sorry, I mean 15 days. I said biting my tongue. Lets see. Dad, but I want to go. Still you have 2 months holidays, you can go later. But dad, I will be having CRT classes from tomorrow. CRT means? Campus Recruitment Training, dad. Its going to start from tomorrow. I said . You didnt tell it to me yesterday. Dad I forgot to tell it. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: I even dont like to tell it to you dad. You know at the very first moment I tell it, you keep lecturing and tell your autobiography. I hate that part. My dad started his talking machine(invented by Edison). Of course I switch on the my wide band amplifier. First me: Its over

Second me: Shut up, abhi picture to baki hai. Its me speaking: When I was young, I used to reply questions, which my dad used to pose me. So instead an argument goes on. So I slowly started paying silence and he would end up quickly. This is my advice to young people reading this. Silence is the question of many answers. Romantic quote, but it applies here. Second me: Cmon lets sulk. So second me became my director and I became Kamal Hassan involved in scene. Started sulking, giving one word replies, taking things fastly, flipping magazine fast, I was doing whatever I could do. Why do you oppose him? You can let him go.My mom said to my dad. I slowly kept the ear. .... dad. After a while, my dad asked, you want to go? Its me speaking: If I say, yes in an enthusiastic tone, then he will grab my pulse and remember that. No, dad. I will stay here itself. I said. Ok, no problem, go on. But tomorrow do attend that classes. 6th May 2012 time:1550 Mission reaccomplish, accomplished.

So, I just will forward the story to me in Chandragiri, land of my first firsts. As it was Sunday , the bus was deserted. A girl came into the bus and she was beautiful. Second me: All girls are the same. Why develop unnecessary things. From today onwards I will never look a girl. I dont know, why I made that foolish part. My every boy instinct made me so the girl, but I didnt care her. She even asked where I was going. But I didnt even take chance to talk. First me: So here you are. Second me: yippie. I was really excited to see my grandmother, grandfather, cousins, aunties, uncles, neighbours. When I approached there, everyone were in a group meeting. Most of them included ladies. Chaitu! How are you? One neighbour asked( I call her atha in telugu, she is so close to me that she even made me bath when I was a kid. Fine, atha. How about you? You have become thin, Chaitu. Why your mom is not feeding well? my aunt commented.

This one, like wow! Nothing atha, I have missed Chandragiri, thats why. I said funnily. At a time everyone woman started laughing big, as if I made a big joke. Its me speaking: The world of woman is very small in villages. They wake up early in the morning, clean their premises(in city do women wake up). They do all the house hold work. Afternoon all the women gather into gang and discuss gossips, gossips and gossips. Somebody talking about the newly married couple or eloped girl, sometime serials, sometimes embroidery. They discussion includes wide varieties and wide topics. The point is they dont know where they have started their discussion. But discussion starts after cooking dinner to may be if their sons come from school, or if their aunt is scolding or ....or.....or..... I felt a very warm feeling, then luke handshakes with my cousins continued by commenting and making satires. So we spent all the night chit chatting, played badminton. So all the thing happened as if the scene was kept in DVDs skip mode. All of sudden chapter close, scene opened in the morning. It was morning, the enjoyment was over, time to go to college. I still want to sleep, but the class thing made me get up. I scolded every reason to scold them. Be positive.

I woke up early, got bath and got ready, said to my grandmother, that I was leaving. My mom grandmother asked once again Do you really need to go? Yes. But I really wanted to stay. So I went to my cousins home, they were sleeping. I felt a small sting in my heart leaving chandragiri. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Its called Nostalgia I guess. 7th may time 0730 hours Mission wake up, make up and pack up. Final reached Tirupati. Now I have to make up to college. Second me: How about a cinema dude? First me: No. First go to college, if you get caught, you will be assaulted. Second me: What the hell is this! Is this an engineering college or a school? What the f((*^(*^(^. !. 15 )&&days exam and right now this classes. ))** Most of the time in my journey to college, I kept on scolding. Its me speaking: This mental chatter, keeps you so low always and it always effects your days performance. You should always chatter positive words. A small negative thought in the morning, keeps your daily performance

down. It happens, really. So be careful and chatter positive affirmations. We get our creative, and kaleideostic ideas during that time. Second me in me was doing his chatter, I told to control him, but he was like a mad dog released out from the cage. Finally, I read the advertisement hoarding of our college indicating that my college was still 1KM away. Oh! No its killing me. First me: Go on man, problems come. Be brave, the problems you face is the happiness in your face. Finally college came. My friends already gathered and are discussing. (&))(()() idiots, is it necessary. Rajeev was saying. What theP(&)(&(!, they dont like us to be happy. Replied Vinod. Hey! Chaitu Rajeev made a sigh. Rajeev was ready to pour the same thing, about college in holidays thing. We finally moved to canteen, as usual took coke cans and were drinking. We discussed about the previous days match, heroines, newly released movies. Finally it was Rajeshs turn was in the discussion. Night we know had 7 rounds. Rajesh said.

Yes, man. We enjoyed a lot, chaitu. Sameer supported. What should I speak now? 7th May 2012 Time: 0930hrs The bloody bell The college bell started ringing. We made our moves, we were completely diffused. As usual, I missed the classes for one month due to exams. Now the class was back to normal. People occupied their own places. Many people brought new books, like small children...new pens, new things. Its me speaking: On the first day of college, everybody open their innings with new books, new pens. The very first day they write jotter down their pens, but as the days persist, they forget even which notes for which subject. What the hell man, these guys dont change. Hey dude! Sayed called me from the last bench. Coming I responded and my mind was not speaking. So finally we occupied our benches. Then we started speaking this and that, about the Sunday we spent. Some boys went and started flirting with girls. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: They are not going change, boys flirt girls get flirted. Boys love and girls get loved. Boys proposed and girls get engaged to

some other boys in their community. (sorry I used the word community only to make it clear and I guess there is no need to lie.) Its me speaking: Actually I am sorry for that partial half first and second mes statement. It was only his(oops its me) opinion at that time. There are good guys and girls and also there is true love, and it is the thing observed from my little seen life. See dude, all this guys and girls are going to get screwed, I bet. See how that idiot is flirting. What the heck are they going to get? I said with some sort of frustration. You know Chaitanya, these people are far better. But there are guys, who are silent and stay remain, but there is cunningness behind that silence. Sayed spoke out. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Why did he say that our story? Anyways he makes sense. We chit-chatted on many topics ranging from gossips to gossips. Words were flowing. Its me speaking: Taking my very little knowledge and experience into considerations, friendship sustains only between two people who have unlike mentalities and later if they have anything in common. Let me tell you with a real time example. Like I had a friend, he hates a hero and I love that guy. (As you know in Andhra, if you like a hero then, they try to scold more the hero he hates than praise the

hero he loves). Me and Sayed are completely different, we have nothing in common. But we are often called Dostana in our college.

7th May 2012 Idiots sulk, but guys talk. Hey! You know I didnt write that exam well. Srujana said. No you are lying. Bhargav(Mr.Flirt) said. Hey no Srujana said. Gosh! What the fuck, how much time do you sulk. Sayed turned to me and gave me a glee smile. Guess he can read mind. You know Srujana slept with Rajeev. Sayed blushed finally. What? I exclaimed in shock. Thats sarcastic, she is that beautiful and that Rajeev that flirt, drunkard, rogue made her slept. I thought her she was good girl. But how!!! You know the affair is running from the semester beginning. ... what should I tell. I was just seeing her talking with Bhargav and I mentally imagined myself how Rajeev and Srujana slept.

See ya, see, I am good, somewhat good looking, and never talk to girl and hate flirting and you to( I dont what to hurt him.) are the same. But why dont we get a single girl in our life. To oppose you, beautiful girls like people who are bad(because they want upper hand) and they like chatter boxes who always talk useless things, they love flirting(because they always scold themselves, in front of the mirror for their pimple or skin tone(Once I heard my sister speaking.)) Guess self respect. Its me speaking: I dont know why girls are becoming too imprudent and foolish. Seriously speaking, why all the girls fall the boys who are rogues and flirts. Still thats a million dollar question to me. So a lecturer( I dont remember his name) came to teach aptitude, the other programming, the other English. Anyways it was somewhat interesting to me. I am very poor in my subject classes, but in these classes I was very out right in my answers. I also answered a question in aptitude, in which the lecturer has challenged that it was answered only by 1% people in google recruitment. I was proud of myself, I was elegant. Two days passed and the better I became with the classes. This thing filled my mind with lot of confidence. I was content and happy. Its me speaking: Never think and even saying you are happy. When you say it, it is where you get tough

challenges. I often abuse god for this. Guess he has listened me and showed me the answer in form of beautiful quote in Facebook saying, If there is day, where you satisfied all your dreams then your dreams are so small. 9th May 2012 Love recall Due to some reasons like low strength and lecturer adoptability problems some people of the other section were included in our class. Deepthi was also there. First me: The problem has started. Second me: See I made a promise that I will never see this girl face. Not this girl face, I dont like to see any girl face. She came, already my friends have glanced my face and made a small smile, saying that if I was happy. First me: I just want to shout the matter is done dude, go see your ass. I dont know without my conscious I turned my head towards Deepthi and saw her eyes were seeing me. I was startled. Second me: She is seeing me man. She is seeing First me: Its me speaking: Guess they both have forgotten the promise. She saw me, dude. I said to my friend near me.

Silence. I kept on mind chatting with myself. Second me: She just saw me. First me: You saw it billion times. Finally I forgot my promise. Its me speaking: In our life, we make many promises. Some promises we keep it, some we dont, What is the thing that drives to keep our promises. I came to know, in the middle of the novel, keep on reading. Days went by, nothing much happened. I was doing better, broke my promise many times, bunked one class. 11th may 2012 Dad says, Mission Kashmir. Hey, chaitu how are your CRT classes going? dad entered with somewhat pleasure. First me: He is happy. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Dont decide, just stay on run. Dad, its going well. turning my face from system. My dad removed something from office papers and something like tickets thing. Dads what that papers? I asked out of excitement.

My dad just smiled, We are going to Kashmir, this 14th and I have asked Srinivas to confirm the plan Its me speaking: Srinivas its my brother. So we are leaving this Monday night? I asked. Hmm. First me: But they are classes, upto 17th of this month. Second me: Nothing matters. They are gonna tell the same stuff, the three days. Nothing matter. Let me keep their chatter, aside for few minutes, to be frank the reason I was going to college was that she was seeing me. Its me speaking: In that state, I was quite in difficult stage. I felt I was missing her. A lot of things went in mind, I thought really something foolish too. 8th May 2012 make mom happy. This mission I wanted to accomplish in different style, I thought of giving my mom a surprise. First me: You can gift her, a greeting card Second me: Be creative dude, make it big. But a sort of guilt was running in me. Like how my dad is going to react, I dont know it made me some what shy. But, second me made me run.

First me: How about a Bouqet. Second me: Can you shut for a while, dont get traditional I am planning big. Hmm..Something which I have made with my own hands. I dont have clarity whether its first me or second me: Sounds great. But not an idea keeps me striking. I really thought of making an early morning wish and even gifting her a saree. Nothing kept second me satisfied. Finally I thought to be more creative and worked on it. Finally I got an idea and worked out. I kept everything ready on that morning, for executing plan. I even didnt want to tell it to my dad, because my dad always ridicules me. Anyway I dont care. Its me speaking: Never ridicule anything and for act, yours strange idea is always ridiculed, but dont leave it. They laugh at you, go on. They may hurt you, get hurt but keep your idea in pocket. But when you are a winner these ridiculous people call themselves critics and keep stalling with winner. On that night I dreamed about the task completing. Finally I woke up and for an instance I will allow my mom write in this column and heres my mom. Second me: The most beautiful, intelligent, organised woman of my world. A best cook too(My dad got lucky.)

My mom writes. Today is mothers day,will Chaitu and Seenu remember. I have to make breakfast to the them(Dad, Bro and myself.) Oh! He has got up, need to make coffee. What chaitu, you woke up to early. Just like that mom. Today tsunami is gonna come. I guess I wished he would tell me, no. In my life I have become a non-paid servant in this home. What do you want, Chaitu, Boost or complain? Boost mom. Oh! God this home maid comes exactly on the month endings. I have to clean utensils. What the heck is this, there was a note, Open the cupboard near the showcase. What the hell is this? Confused. Its me speaking: My mom watches serials, she cant control anxiety. She would be stalling all the day and scolding the serial director for cutting the serial at a particular scene. Ok, I will go and open. Then there was note again on the cupboard press this. Ok!!!!

Then after pressing a switch a big smiley note appeared and said open the box in your safe locker. Then she opened the safe corner in locker and there was a small note and a note pasted on the a small envelope, it was written. Mom, Dad, Bro and me we always love you and you dont need to search it... Except this greeting for a small surprise and searching for surprise is also love. Thanks for what you have given to us mom. Its not about pocket money(anyway I want a hike), the food, and all the things but its thing you have given us with love. With love, your loving sons. Chaitanya, Sreenivas Gosh my sons made me happy, they didnt forgot the mothers day. Kill my bloody thoughts. Its me speaking: Thanks mom!! At that very moment, I saw a small tear drop from my mothers eye...It was really strange feeling. I felt my heart was in flight. My mom repeatedly showed it to dad. Oh! Todays mother day? dad asked. See he has given me this wishes, he wrote very nice.Mom was on excitement uncontrolled. I was just seeing my dad for appreciating me, Of course they never like to appreciate in full heart. For all the reasons I felt high. I got a big truth in my life from that incident, that happiness made me realize

something. If you make yourself happy then you will be happiness is unfulfilled, if you see happiness in others happiness, then I bet you that happiness costs you some crores. But it takes breaking the ice philosophy too. At that moment I made a statement like, Some people think of themselves selfishly about their dreams and they find happiness in that desire fulfilling. But life is so big that you can fulfil everyones desire

12th May 2012 0600hrs boring day The electric rooster made its roar at 6o clock in the morning, I dont know why I woke up, but I just woke up. It was Saturday, the day I love, not me everybody love. Second me: Hey, I dont know why, today I am really quite excited about something. First me: Is that so? I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: How about bunking. Yes, I will bunk the college. What will I do, if I bunk the college.

First me: Browse something about something interesting. Second me: Gaming, Facebooking, fun, edit your draft. Its me speaking: I go to college regularly, because all the things I do in college is chit-chatting, reading novels, playing bingo. Ever since I have entered my third year this has become my college rituals, excluding my Head of the Departments class. So when I get bored, I bunk college saying I have some fake headache. Eventually my mom and dad will be saying ok, because I have gone to college one month. I pretend that I have headache or the symptom I really have and have a good sleep. After a while I will slowly open my laptop and start surfing or gaming. Mom, I am having headache. I said. Why, what happened? Mom asked. I dont know, mom. But its severe. I was showing my acting skills. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: You should have been an actor. Second me: Cmon dude, action. Ok, go and brush your teeth and have paracetomol tablet. Mom said. Its me speaking: Nothing happens, if you take a paracetomol tablet, even though you dont have a headache. I often talk when my action starts.

Finally I blurted out, Dad I cant go to college. He is having severe headache since the last night my mom supported. Love you mom. But you have classes, you are going to miss them. Sankat ka sakat Dad I am having severely. I said in submissive voice. After a long pause, See sure that you copy todays classes. Dad said. Second me: Hmm, copy the notes, am I a kid? It has been ages, I have written notes. Its me speaking: You know a fact, that at a specific time you can only have one thought, but you can have multiple feelings. I was smiling and also scolding myself at the same time. So, after all the mess I declared myself college a holiday and was ready to start my acting. I slept on my bed and I immediately slept. I got a dream as usual in which some blur of images appeared. They seemed to have confused feeling. Its me speaking: It is always to have nap instead of sleeping big. When you really sleep, you cant wake up from bad dream.

Finally woke up the in the afternoon and saw the condition in my house. Mom, where is dad? Dad said, he will not be coming to lunch, how is it now? Second me: Dan dan dan...rock on. Just be yourself. Its me speaking: Actually its his over excitation. Mom, it is fine and everything is gone. I said wryly. Mom, whats for lunch? Today you are at home, so I made all your favourites. My mom was slightly excited. Its me speaking: I love you mom. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: I love you mom. First me: I love you mom, but dont love second me. Second me: I love you like anything mom, I dont care about that idiot. I love you mom, I told myself. I dont know why at that time I felt like I have the best mom in my world. Its me speaking: Something happiness or sad or memorable doesnt happen planned. They usually come in small packages or post cards. Sometimes even this type of love

too. If this is planned then it isnt called life, it is a movie script. At afternoon had a hearty meal, slowly crept my hand into the laptop and made a bahana to open laptop. As a part of my usual ritual started browsing and went googling about the latest movie reviews, torrents. After a while opened my facebook account, but nobody were online. Finally logged out and opened some pages. I dont have clarity whether it is first me or second me: Open porns dude. First me: Yes, dude. Open it. The second me in was fighting not to open. Second me: Dont dude and later you will imagine bad things dude. See you dont have a sister or wife. But they are others sisters. Its not fare. First me: See, dude life is like that, you need watch all these things and so that you can keep your mate happy. If frankly speaking, you should have additional experience, too. But you dont speak even to a girl. See that Rajeev dude, he studies too and makes a girl sleep with him too. Second me: Its me speaking: Second me has something to speak, but he was confessed.

Yes, to say finally I spent my time turning away from my mom and sat alone in bed room. Set my headphones(Sound gives you more effect.) Closed the doors, and completely plastered second mes mouth and first me and some other voice did their work. Its me speaking: I should have never watched that, but it has happened. It will be an awesome experience when watching porn. But it will leave a heart stringing experience after you have watched that. Internet cafes are making millions on this. You know it is difficult to download a lecture or some book online, but it is damn easy to download any porn and especially in youtube it is a bit easy too. One porn you open, it even suggest you some other videos at the right side. You can open on the basis of the intensity of the thumbnail or depending on the girls nuduity and the foreplay. Yes, finally to my pleasure current has gone and internet connection has gone. I cried in dismay and uttered some bad words. First me: Fuck. Mom, current has gone, when will it come. I was yelling from bed room. After 1 hour, at 3.00PM. Mom said. Idiots, these current people, what the hell do these people do. I drifted my anguish on current people.

The current was gone, what the thing can I do. First me: The Rachel Weisz one was nice. Authentic me: What....? Finally, the voice inside me was speaking. It came out. I was feeling hurt inside. There was feeling like my authentic me was saying, Go on dude, but it is wrong. The best thing we do is when current goes, we dont have TV, we dont have Internet, we dont have anything, we feel isolated, What to say, technology has invaded into our routine. So I felt like sitting in my room and grabbing or reading the fantasy things in my book. Its me speaking: I love reading fantasies in any book. Once I remember reading a story and it was something like this, when made simple. There used be a girl and a boy, boy loves girl, boy keeps on hitting girl, but girl doesnt care, the boy tries to talk in cafe, she walks way, in class she walks away. Finally the boy catches the girl in a moment and asks her, I am not harassing you, but I am trying to speak.She just stays with an embracing expression. If you love me come to this and that place. Finally he waits there she doesnt come. The next day the boy sees the girl and just walks out. She immediately says, sorry yesterday evening my bike was punctured. The boy smiles and they fall in love. I always keep fantasising myself with this story and imagine Deepthi in that position.

But on that particular day I thought of grabbing that and I didnt feel any interest to read that book. Second me: Whats wrong with me? and What the hell is going me, Why am I so interest of doing something. 12thmay 2012 1430 hrs Second me my authentic me So at that time I could feel three voices inside me, one is me speaking with a voice loud, one first me and other second and authentic me. First me: Nothing is wrong dude, just keep on going. Second me: These days I am always getting making into promises and breaking them. Make a commitment to wake up at six in the morning, but fail miserably, education I cant even concentrate for one hour, and this girl friend thing...it sucks. I try to compose some tune, but I fail to do it and hours together sitting idly. Shut, Focus. I just sat minutes together idle, and was in sort of not a depression mood, but in please dont disturb mood. Chaitu, I am leaving to sirisha auntys house, stay home. Mom shouted. Ok, mom. I replicated from home.

First me: Dude, just focus. You just got to more focus on studies. Your problem is going to solve, dont get with Deepthi. Try alone for Sruthi. Second me: You dirty son-of-a-&(*& they are not products. I shouted myself to stop that bloody mes mental chatter. I want silence, bloody silence. It was impossible thing and I decided to sleep, but the mind and mes kept on chatting. After some mental chatter, second me seemed to dominate with First me. Second me: But, I am not doing that bad in my studies and this semester I will near to 70%. First me: College topper is 85%. Second me: ... Its me speaking: The way all are, makes you to go on the path everyone goes. But it takes a lot of risk to drift some thinking. Post. The post man dropped. I ran and as usual I thought it was some bond paper or LIC policy, my dad gets every fortnight. So I thought of picking later, but it was a registered a post, so I need to sign it.

N. Chaitanya, is that you sir. Ya. First me: Post to you, who would have sent it? With a lot excitement, I saw the cover and it read Mitra Electronics Limited. I have applied for internship, guess they have sent me a call. I just shouted in joy, once all the frustration went out in the form of happiness. I was anxious to show it to my mom. So this holidays I will be working and no more lectures from this bukkad baap. I will be in different environment. Its me speaking: But for internship they have screwed me like anything. But I have learnt the best things in my life, in personal and as well as technical aspect. I was privileged to meet great persons there. The cover said...blah..blah..and at last sentence the word I focussed, there will be an interview on 25th may. First me: Interview. Second me: Easy , squeezy. I can do it. My hands immediately phoned to my dad, Dad, I got that internship call and I will be going next 24th of this month. I was anxious to tell. There will be some basic interview. I added.

Oh! Interview. Whats going to be asked. Nothing dad, just peanut and butter questions. But point is to where to stay? I became interrogative. Thats not a problem, we can manage. Dad said. You said on 24th, but will be in tour from 15-22 of this month. Oh!! I forgot. Then we have I discussed a little bit probability with my dad. Little sample space, Little probability and after some time. Ok! I will come home, we will further discuss. My dad hunged up. Bukkad Baap, even doesnt congratulate me. First me: Its not a job man. Everyone gets that, you just have got to apply. Second me: But I needed little appreciation, I am on like a...mission thing. First me: Shut up.. Then current was on and switched on the idiot box(Television). I always keep three music channels on run, either Zoom, sony mix or 9xm and keep on repeating. Then they played a song, Jaane tu log pyaar kyun karta hain. Abhjeet sings.

Jaane pyaar isime marta. Second me: I support you Amir bhai. And for the lines, Pyaar me sar jhukana padtha hai I completely supported males voice. Then all the idiotic songs came, all mix, some stupid songs. I turned to Cartoons. Its me speaking: I watch cartoons, when no one is around. People say its not a grown up thing. But for gods sake cartoons are created by adults and in some cartoons like Tom and Jerry, The road runner the plots are really amazing. Its really amazing to be a kid thing. First me: But dude, its not a grown up thing. Finally two shrilling voices came up, they were two children and they were my cousins. But they call me Anna That Bava thing I hate that. Anna they came running to me they were cousins one was boy and the other girl. They gave me a five. Anna, today there is no tuition, so that we came here. I just laughed at them wryly. They are gonna screw me. As to my thought, they started to harass me by their stupid questions. Anna why this and why that?

Its me speaking: This was the scene out of my own imagination. I tried to concentrate on the movie, which was coming on a channel. It was an English movie, Love never ends. I couldnt remember the actors name, but the plot the boy and girl will have a small fight. The boy finally goes to girls house and the girl says the boy not to talk. Then they both feel like missing themselves. Girl searches the boy contact in her phonebook, she rings the phone and phone shows dialling mode and she immediately cuts off. The boy keeps doing something in his room, makes something messy. Girl sees him in the photos in the computer. He will start breaking something and tearing up papers. In the next scene bell rings and girl opens the door, boy stands before the door. A small bush of happiness runs in girls mind, but hides her glee. She makes her expression in eyes saying, What. Then the boy lifts the sign board showing, I missed you every second until now. Girl says in her mind,I missed you every second until now.. The girl almost gets shocked to the hoarding she saw. It was exactly like she thought. She smiles. Then he lifts another billboard showing, Is apology accepted?

The girl just smile and smiles. The final hoarding shows, I love you. She immediately gets tears and waits for him to hug her. Its me speaking: I dont know why girls and women cry when they get more happiness. Girls are as deep as oceans. What you see is just the surfaces. Girls!!!! Second me: Gosh if this happens to me? Finally they end up kissing and my cousins are around the TV and so I have to change the channel. Its me speaking: This sort of scenes only come when people are around you and when you are alone you are not privileged, I guess. The movie came to an end and kept on changing channels and as it was weekend movies came over, but they were boring, so I switched off the TV and decided to talk to cousins. Second me: Go on enjoy with them. So how are you doing Vasu? I asked my cousin. Me super anna. He was fully of excitement. Then they started chit chatting and making low small voices and making a sort of sounds, that shows disappointment and sympathy, if it is spelled it is like mlshe.

Its me speaking: Mlshe am I right. Mlshe I may not be right. Second me(The authentic one): Go man talk to them. First me: They are kids dude, and you are not a kid dude. Hai Vasu! Whats up? Both brothers and sisters giggling with secrets, do I deserve to know what you are talking? Nothing anna, We... We, what? Vedika, tell me what happened. I asked to know. Its me speaking: Parents really think kids tell them everything about themselves. But the point is no. They dont tell about the school boy who teases using profanity, the partial body changes. No we cant share everything. The kids have more to tell, but convince themselves. Nothing, anna? Vasu told. I had been a kid once and I too faced many problems as a child, sometimes beaten by other kids in school, sometimes they would also insult me. My parents used to continuously ask me what was the problem. I couldn t tell all the bad words they scolded. If they know that, they would come to college and make a big mess in school. So my school mates start treating me with a sort of special thing. So I thought silence would be better with Vasu and Vedika. So, will we watch cartoons? I asked.

First me: What the hell are you doing. I felt first time in my life like I was authentic. Second me: What is going on with you? So finally I switched on the TV and we started watching and laughing. We started watching Kick Buttowski, and whenever a comedy character comes and they start pointing each other. Anna, that stupid girl is Vedika. Vasu said and giggled. No, I am the girl but he is stupid. Vedika countered. I dont have clarity whether its first me or second me: Gosh these, what a sense of humour these kids. Smarty than me. First me: Hmm.. But second me has said me to take the fact open. They started fighting with each other. Of course I wanted to lecture them not to fight. First me: Make them feel guilty. Its me speaking: If you want anybody to realize their mistake dont make them guilty, but make them feel themselves important. The word battle between both of them increased and I knew their borders were crossing.

I dont have clarity whether its first me or second me: Uffff! Time to stop. Hey ! Vasu stop. At that immediate I wanted to lecture them and that is what I felt that moment, I curbed that pulse immediately. Then Vedika started crying, her flubbery eyes and she immediately caught hold off me. I was stuck by that touch. Second me(authentic me): Ok, its not Vasus fault too. Then I just didnt talk for a long time and they both sat in different corners and their moods were different. Vasu had a feeling of something stud and Vedika like a prey to a predator. I just remained the silent and the room was completely silent. It was such a silence that it made a honkling sound and situation was silent. Then I waited and went to reach the cookie and gave each one. Ok, enough silence lets watch TV. They remained silent. Second me: TV would spoil the entire moment. Ok, so I will tell you a story, I have heard, its quite interesting.

First me: What stories, dude. You are boring them. Leave them alone and again you will make a big mess. So to start, there lived a boy who wanted to all the learn the knowledge in the world and he roamed all over the world and gained the knowledge in the world. What is the name of boy? Vedika asked. His name is Vasu. I replied seeing their both faces. I continued, Once when he was going on the road, he approached a person in dying state and the road was completely was isolated. The old person begged please help me, help me. I immediately show my voice variations, this thing is giving is me real happiness. But the learned man treated him with all the knowledge and he healed the man. But he used all his knowledge not love. The learned man just went away, but he hasnt noticed that the old man has no legs. The old man couldnt walk and he died. Did you get any moral? I asked expecting them to tell something. I told the story only to make my point and I know there never a story like that.

Before operating the man should see whether he should see whether the man has legs are not. Vedika replied dryly. Vasu and I just laughed. Second me: Ok, dont criticise her dude, she is a small 6 year kid. I just sighed Vasu, to stop. So I want more answers, We should completely analyse the situation, when you are facing a problem and then see the output of the problem. Vasu replied. Smart not bad I admired him. A hush of pride run through him. But I want more answers. May be our education should make us learn whom to do things. Vedika replied. Second me(authentic me): Gosh! I immediately gave a hi-fi to her and immediately mate her sit on my lap. And your brother told something close to that. I replied with a silly smile.

They both refused to accept each other and immediately I said,, Cmon Vasu, cmon Vedika you both are really awesome. Dont quarrel, cmon give shake hand. They both gave themselves shake hand. First me: Ask them to make a practise that they never quarrel. Second me: This dont works out. I dont have clarity whether its first me or second me: Make a change that is permanent. So did you find the answer? I asked making eye contact with both of them. We should treat them good Vedika replied. The answer is hidden in the story itself, dudes. Just you need to analyse dudes.I said with enthusiasm in my voice. We should ..hmm aaa Happiness, anna Vedika replied. See you both are near, I was expecting answer. They both answered loud in accord Love. Exactly I shouted. I hi-fived both of them, and I felt to tell them something.

See if that learned man had loved that old man, he doesnt need to treat him. Do you know Mother Teressa isnt a doctor, but even though she healed many people. Vedika asked me, Anna if I love Vasu I dont quarrel with him, am I right? No its not like that, but it is exactly opposite if you love him you will just quarrel with him and immediately get back to normal. Anna, super anna. But I have a doubt. Vasu asked. Go, on Dont give a hold. Love is that thing they show in cinemas. Vasu asked. No. Vasu that isnt. Love is being selfless, Love is responsibility, love is hatred to wrong, love is being unjudgmental, love is seeing only the good. They were just in unison, but they were in expression of confusion. Its me speaking: The best thing when you speak to children you try to make things simple and thats all life is all about, making complicated simple. Ok, I will tell you an example. See I will tell you a thing to love. Never criticize, complain and condemn anyone and hear what all he says. Thats it. Vasu asked.

Yes. I cut it off. Yes, but how. First me: These questions Second me: You should give them answers. Dont be a routine persons like parents, you got to answer them. See before you quarrelled with Vedika, because you criticized her. Immediately my aunty came when I was speaking. Ok Vedika and Vasu lets move. Wait mom, anna you tell. Vedika asked. I saw her eyes, they were just beautiful and just a minute before she cried and her eyes were flubby. I loved that. How are u Atha(aunt)? I asked. I am fine, atha, how about Mamaiah(uncle)? I continued. Fine. How did you do in you exams? Atha asked. Second me: Why all ask this stupid question? Fine atha. Anna, you continue anna. Vasu asked. What are you telling them Chaitu? Atha asked. Amma, anna speaks super ma. Vedika replied.

Its me speaking: Often I got many admirations from many people, but I promise this is my best appraisal. Second me: Whoooo! Amma, today night I will stay with anna itself. Vedika asked. No, we will go, tomorrow we have to go Maths class. Now take your bags and keep on moving. Amma please amma, Vasu started begging. Finally my mom joined, Let them be Vadina, only todays night, tomorrow chaitu will drop them over. So the night they were scheduled to stay with me. 12th May 1700 HRS I am guy who once was a kid So I started kid talking with them, they said a lot of things. Anna yesterday, you know I helped an old woman to cross the road. Vasu said with a sense of satisfaction. Second me: Wow! Ask him more. Why did you help, how did you help Vasu? I asked more enthusiastically. Yesterday she was near hospital and she was alone. I was on my way to buy Dairy milk chocolate. Vasu dialogue interrupted with Vedika. You ate dairy milk yesterday, you didnt buy me.

Second me: She is gonna kill him. Its me speaking: When I was a kid everything mattered to me, the five star chocolate, the apsara pencil, my lucky eraser and yes everything mattered. Right now I buy pencils for one time use and throw them away. Second me: yes I did miss small things. This adult world made me complicated. Ok Vedika I will buy you both a chocolate. Ok, done. No dont buy for Vasu, he had already ate yesterday. Where did you get money yesterday. Vedika continued. They started quarrelling. My first me, just shut his bloody voice(he has no mouth). Second me: Hey! What is happening with you dude. Did you feel any sort of thump in your heart, you are damn happy. Anna what do you say? She asked expecting a nod from me. Ok, I said. Making a small sigh for my brother. Second me: Ok, ask him about the helping episode. Its me speaking: In my house, sometimes I speak about something with candour. But immediately they crack a joke, or they tell an experience of them or laugh at me. Second me: Make him speak, listen dude, just listen.

Vasu, cmon go and speak. I said and I was expecting something. Then immediately Vasus mom(i.e. my aunt(atha)) called him. Anna, I will just come, I will tell her and come once. Ok. I said and still had a small in my face. Then I went in for thinking. Second me: What happened to child in me. Being a kid is making me alive. My education and social heredity has made me more complicated. I worry about everything, right now, I become complicated when I want to select a book to read. But when I was a kid, I used to make quick decisions. Most of the times I used to be confident that even touch the stars and I also believed in Alice in Wonderland. Its me speaking: I even right now when I am writing this draft, I still fantasy about Alice and even imagine me falling into that burrow head. Second me: I used to love heartfull, say everything in authentic voice. Now I say my voice and complement about thing based upon the judgment of my social heredity(it only include my parents, teachers and relatives.) Its me speaking: But according to Mein Kamp social heredity means burecreats and foremen. I dont know what Hitler meant it. When somebody dont get a thing they just

make it complicated and they push it on us. My lecturers are live example. Second me: Lets live as a kid. Just be the live My stream of thoughts were barricaded by my cousins arrival near me. They were looking me expecting something to talk. I felt, I have talked a lot of hype things. I guess I have talked all the things I have secretly said to myself in my mind, but never told to anyone and not even to my first me. Hey how you helped that old woman near hospital. I asked still enthusiastic. Anna, I... Vasu stopped. Hmmm....say... I asked. Actually anna, I didnt help anybody, but yesterday saw a old desperate and destitute in the road. He continued. So youve.....I saw him. I lied... he said. I really didnt have to make him guilty. Lets do something child. Cmon lets find that old man, and prove you havent lied. I told. First me: Are you mad?

Second me: I have my self instinct in my control and please be cool. Anna, are you serious? Vedika was serious. I stayed silent, and smiling as heartily as I could. Ok, lets go. Its me speaking: Yes, children are the only people(In my writing here I mean childish people who are able to beat the fundamentalism and break their beliefs, like Edison, Galileo) they believe in muses, fairies and everything. They believe even in being crazy. They got crazy about what I told them and they moved along with me. I got my Nickers out and had my trousers on. First me: What are you doing dude, its something weird. You will go that old man and do favour. Favour word triggered me. First me: You are going to be screwed dude, this childish acts dont work, shut up and enjoy. I dont have clarity whether its first me or second me(authentic): Just go on. Nothing happens. A big struggle happened between my both mes.

I dont have clarity whether its first me or second me: Children get impressions strongly registered in mind. They believe everything we say. The thoughts almost jammed in my mind and I decided to Go. Mom, going out. I shouted from the balcony. Ok, Chaitu. Walk carefully on the road, see in all directions when you are crossing the road. Atha, is Anna a small kid. Vedika said. My chaitu is and always will be a small boy. My mom said. First me: She even ripens me even in the front of the children Second me: Love you mom, you love me a lot. And we were on roads, searching for something strange. I felt like I was searching for something unfound. Vasu, do you exactly remember where are we going to see him. I am not sure, aaaaan.. Vasu replied in a shot. First me: See, what you are heading is completely impractical, why on the earth would you help a random old man. Screw you dude, you dont know to get a girls number and even can get up good grades, now you...

First me was screwing down my self instinct, but some where it is directing towards something positive. We walked along the busy streets of Tirupati, searching like google on near every shop just for a random man. Its me speaking: If you are reading this one you may feel weird and also out of the movie box, but this is not a movie but my novel with quite truths. We were just searching and Vedika sees a shop and asks for Cadbury, I would just smile at her. Finally, Anna, there he is. Vasu was full out of excitement. I could see his excitement as if he has found a diamond. Yes Vasus adjectives desperate and destitute matched him adverbically(no word like this, I mean the adverb of the adjective.) I approached him. My hands went readily into pockets, so I could give him money and return back. First me: You know you are doing over action, seriously over acting. You seem to be like a hero in a routine telugu movie, ha..ha Yes, I was listening him. I really felt guilty. Some incidents are in my life really make me guilty and that incidents I remember during my time at sleep. I dont know why, they feel like hell to me. I cant even right here.

First me: Why dude, just the world like this. Anna, he is the man. Come on lets go. Vedika shouted in shrill voice in the traffic. Hmm. I told, but I was still dilute. I walked my steps still hastily. I approached the man, and I took money and handed it out to him. He immediately took it and bowed his hand to head as a show of thanks. First me: Leave him immediately. But the story I told to Vasu and Vedika immediately stroked me. I had different ideas of joining him in Orphonage or old age home. Second me: These social ideas have corrupted you dude. I thought of having conversation with him, but I couldnt dare to speak to him. Vasu and Vedika have confused looks and they were ready to take the commands I give him. I saw Vasu and showed a sigh that we are going to leave. When we were leaving Vedika and Vasu were seeing the man repeatedly. Anna, lets go to some ice-cream parlour. Vasu shouted. Sorry Vasu didnt bring much cash. I told my always routine reason which he doesnt convince. Ok, but next time you should buy me, promise. He said.

For me too. Vedika told. Their voices were raised, they had excitement in voices. I wanted to tell Vasu that I made a lie true, but they have understood it. Its me speaking for the final: People often say we find happiness in ford car or we find happiness when we have top model as our girlfriend, or if they have six digit bank balances. Yes, I do support them. According to Sigmund Freuds psychology the three thing that drives any man(even woman too) to stand behind is: 1. A big reason behind the thing 2. Social status, money and ego 3. Sex(I dont get this thing) People get blind behing the 2 and 3 reasons, they may be earning great and have top models as their wives too. But internally they struggle, they cry, they have uneven expression. It is that dangerous that even creates dangerous epidemics. It is a fact and horrible thing that man doesnt realise, like what he likes and what he is passionate of and what he likes until and even at his time of death. He is jailed by the thoughts of people around me. When I have this my ego satisfies, and when I have this that girls comes and sleeps with me. This words are really worthy and notable.

If you are unable to realise what you worthy and authentic goals start making realise the goals of others, I bet you are gonna find. Lets chase the goals instead of chasing stars, because you find stars in your goals. I wrote this words in my diary and the night I slept with Vasu and Vedika in my bed. 13th may 2012 endly enthusiastic I reached college programmatically and occupied my seat and yesterday scene has hit my mood and I was up all the day. So the classes were nothing but fighting with numbers, coding useless things and some grammatical shit. Its me speaking: I want to question the educational authorities, Will you learn riding bicycle if you read a book called learn bicycle in thirty days. How do they expect to learn coding by just explaining, but they did. So an old man entered room, he was hazily dressed, hair uncombed and shirt not tucked properly. He entered the class and our numb duffer students were by hearting the formulas they gave in yesterdays class.

Good morning sir. We said. Good morning folks, please sit down. Was his response. Second me: Folks, he is funny. He is cool was immediate thought. He gave a brief introduction about himself, and his introduction seemed he was damn professional. He asked everyone to introduce to others. My name is Swetha, I am studying ECE. Thats it. He said. Hmm.. He was the unusual man, all the lecturers were convinced about this answer, but he didnt. Ok, I will give you an assignment, today you do it now. He said. Then we nodded in class. Second me: What would he give, just a small problem or coding. I am bored. The question is.... his face was enthusiastic and had a charm. I dont know who is speaking: You are learning something new.

A voice came in me. The more I listened my internal voice the more I trusted it. Just write about yourselves, like dont write I am this college this branch and your subjects. Write something you love, write what your passions are, write about the movies. You are free to write anything. Anything, folks. Finally he gave us 10 minutes to write and we were pens down scribbling. Second me: Dude connect with you yes So I started writing something like this, I am Chaitanya, Second me: Routine buddy. First me: You have to write like that,other wise you will be screwed. No was my response, I will be different. I striked of what I wrote and when I was writing I thought of doing it with creative end. Second me: Be authentic dude, be creative. I stroke off, I tore of the papers. Second me: This is shame dude, other than educational qualifications, your father mother age and departments, you dont have passions and you love it. So have I had to give up.

Dude what are you doing? I asked my friend who was browsing internet. Nothing, I am searching this in internet, I may get something. Rajesh replied. First me: Great idea. Second me: Dumb ass. Its me speaking: It takes a lot of hard work, if I asked you to write about yourselves, seriously I am not kidding. Now take of your scribbling pad and a pen near you and start writing. Seriously start writing........... I know you even have not knocked your mind to write and this is the problem. So I have written, and some people have written and I was still writing this. I was not clear about it, I stroke of nearly three times. So finally I was done. Everyone got theirs read, and came my turn. I am Chaitanya and I am a passionate Electronic student who loves to innovate. Still budding my knowledge in Third year. I love being true to myself instinct and standing behind big things. I love to do big things and travel in the path less travelled. I believe in a phrase if you dont innovate and change you are gonna die. I love living new. Guys, give this man a big hand. The old man responded.

It was a sort of unexpected shock for me. Creative, really this word in market really meant a lot. The old man said. So I got a loud applause from my classmates, some of the muggers seeing me from the corner eye who ended up writing I want to work for infi or get 50000 bucks. Second me: Yes Infosys and 50000 bucks is my dream too. So he went on to the stage. I am Surya Narayana and I have devoted and dedicated to professional improvement in students life. I have budded my career as an English lecturer and I believed that student can never learn a thing unless he is motivated to learn. So I gave up my job and ended up studying Psychology and I have beautiful framed Masters in Psychology in my office and remains me. I have worked with many professional organisations, MNCs and Colleges and have trained many people. I am unmarried and spended up looking my beautiful parents. So this is Surya Narayana. I was spell bound the way he expressed. So he gave us a few experiences which I just did with ease, and I loved it. So everyone were given an opportunity to speak about something. As usual thing happened people started to stare each others faces and Surya Narayana saw my face.

I walked up to stage and hesitated for a moment. Hi! Friends this is Chaitanya.... I noticed Deepthi in the girls corner. She was wearing a red salvar kameez with white chunni on it. She was seeing me. I just met her eyes, but had to turn off. So I want to speak on,,, Once again a big pause. Surya Narayana walked on to stage and placed his hand on my shoulder. You know I am proud you respected my opinion and came to the stage, if you speak you are the hero. He said. The last word Hero strung the chord. So now I just want to talk about creative visualisation. Surya Narayana gave me an encouraging look. My confidence just got boosted up. So,we know we think about 70,000 thoughts daily and we can hold only one thought a second. I mean we cant have more than one thought at a particular instinct. And daily we have 86,400 seconds. It means we think a thought for 1 minute or sometimes more. But I want to pose you a question, how many thoughts do you believe, say one or two or three. Some of my enthusiastic friends responded, with three. Surya Narayana said I dont have an idea.

Then get an idea sirji. I wanted to tell. According to a research conducted in Illionosis we stopped believing thoughts.