SEX' PERFECTION and

MARIT ALHAPPINESS
by RUDOLF VON URBAN, M. D.

THE

DIAL

PRESS,

INC.:

NEW

YORK

Third Printing,

June, /959

Copyright, 1949, by Rudolf von Urban, M. D. Printed in the United States of America

This book is dedicated to the late HENRY G. JORGENSEN Judge of the Superior Court of Monterey County, California. During the forty-five years of my professional life I have worked with numerous judges, as psychological advisor, and never have I found one more humane, or with a broader social .outlook than Judge Jorgensen.

Foreword
IN FEBRUARY, 1916, I was in Damascus, Syria, and had just finished lunch with some Turkish officers at the Hotel Victoria when I was informed that a young man wished to see me. On entering the lobby I recognized a former patient who, when he heard I was at the hotel, sought my advice regarding a series of seemingly incredible events. A week before he had married a beautiful, young Arabian girl. They were both passionately in love. What had happened between them was so remarkable that he felt compelled to relate it to an expert. The story he told me may be found in Chapter V. In the following two weeks, the newly married couple conducted, at my suggestion, a series of experiments with such astonishing results that they can be regarded as the basis of an entirely new conception of the mechanism of sexual intercourse. At first I was convinced that this Arabian couple was an exceptional case, but later similar phenomena were reported to me by an Egyptian couple and again, in April, 1937, when I was in Peiping, by a Chinese couple. These experiences, together with my observations of certain interesting taboos and sex practices of tribal peoples, convinced me that I had discovered the true nature of seemingly unknown, but extremely important, factors in human sex relations, factors essential to the happiness and duration of a marriage. After further study and reflection I formulated a set of conclusions in my six rules for human sex relations which have been applied satisfactorily by scores of European and Amercan couples : vii

viii

FOREWORD

Until now I have not disclosed my findings to anyone outside my practice, or to couples I dealt with in my court work, when attempting to effect reconciliation in divorce cases. My dilemma was this: it was obviously impossible for me to use the couples as objects of scientific demonstration; yet, without such demonstrations, science cannot accept new discoveries, however helpful and plausible they may be. Onc.e, in May, 1933, during the course of a series of lectures on sexology at the University of Athens, in Greece, I touched on the subject of these new findings in human sex relationships, but my remarks were received skeptically. Times have changed. On September 21, 1938, at a neuropsychiatric conference conducted by the University of California in San Francisco, I was able to prove that a seemingly incurable case, involving several grave ailments, could be cured by nothing other than an improvement in the patient's sex relations. By invitation, I later reviewed this case before a medical meeting at Leland Stanford University. During the last nine years many discoveries have brought facts to light which support my experiences and provide them with scientific explanations. Therefore, I now feel that I have the right, even the duty, to publish my findings and so spread more widely the knowledge I have gained of ways and means to achieve health and happiness in human sex relations. The information on anatomy, physiology, biology and sex psychology found in the vast accumulation of recent books on these subjects has proved inadequate from the practical point of view, inasmuch as it has failed to produce a satisfactory sex life for ordinary men and women. Were it otherwise, the divorce rate of our country would not have climbed to its present portentous height. In addition, I hope to convince my readers that the sex impulse of children and adolescents needs correct guidance to help them avoid the dead ends of frivolity and neurosis. These

FOREWORD

ix

expressions of emotional immaturity in an adult are the archenemies of a cultivated sex life. To work toward a practical. , solution of this important problem, by indicating the progressive steps necessary to a sound sex education, and so to lift the sex problem from its present degraded state, is a further aim of this book. DR. RUDOLF VON URBAN Carmel, California. November 1948.

Contents
FOREWORD I INTRODUCI'ION • OF CHILDREN • ABOUT SEX • • • II SEX DEVELOPMENT

vii 15

III TALKING TO CHILDREN IV THE PROBLEM

24 47
66

OF MASTURBATION

V THE SIX RULES OF SEX INTERCOURSE. VI THE APPLICATION VII BIRTH CONTROL VIII IMPOTENCE IX LOVE CHOICE

OF TIlE RULES (CASE HISTORIES)

...

127 172

78

AND FRIGIDI'lY (ITS PRINCIPLES

• AND PITFALLS) •

184 199

RESUM.t: INDEX •

ADVICE, QUESTIONS

AND ANSWERS •

GLOSSARY OF TERMS

228 284 242

xi

CHAPTER I

Introduction
believe that they know how to satisfy their sex instincts and do not need to be told what to do or what to avoid. In their opinion, most of the failures in their sex relations are due to the unsatisfactory sex response of their mates. Whenever I have told a man holding this belief, "It is your task and your duty to cope with this situation and to break down the possibly neurotic resistance in your wife," he has usually left my office in indignation, never to return; for nothing so offends an immature adult as not to be regarded as an expert in sex. To him, possessing great potency-which he may have-is synonymous with being a good lover. Feeling humiliated in the eyes of his wife, he is in search of a psychologist who will place the entire blame for their lack. of sexual satisfaction on her frigidity. Usually a man of this sort does not even know what he is missing. With the pleasure of his ejaculation he reaches his desired goal, forfeiting that part of the sex experience which produces the greatest rapture and happiness. "But what can I do when my wife does not respond, in spite of all my efforts?" This is a question I am asked again and again. How can a man overcome a woman's frigidity when he does not obey even one of the six rules essential to perfect sex union, of which the reader will learn in a later chapter? A wife has the right to be inexperienced in sex matters. Or
MANY MEN

15

16

SEX PERFEcnON

AND MARITAL HAPPINESS

she may be wrongly experienced. She may be inhibited by a hostile attitude toward sex. instilled in her by her education. But if the man approaches her in the right way from the beginning. and if she is in love with him. the door to happiness can be opened in an incredibly short time. But to achieve this a man needs to be emotionally mature. An emotionally immature man will only increase his wife's frigidity with every sex union; many women thus come to shrink from all sexual experience and cannot bring themselves to discuss. or even to read about, sex without a feeling of disgust. Their attitude toward sex as something unpleasant. dirty. repulsive, is not without reason. Unrelaxed and tense after every sex act. they pass sleepless nights. In time this breeds a longing for revenge or even hatred. The couple becomes alienated; the next steps are separation and divorce. Unable to enjoy sex and love in all its beauty. such parents pass on to their children their own hostile or bitter attitude toward sex and thus thrust the same unhappy experiences upon the next generation. and. in endangering their children's marriages. endanger also the happiness of their grandchildren. To influence children to harbor suspicion and hatred toword sex is a very serious matter. So vital and powerful an instinct as the sex instinct cannot be repressed without tragic consequences. Without the sex instinct, life on this earth would cease. Therefore nature has put an immense force behind its demand for fulfillment-a force which can revolutionize a child's nature. especially at puberty. Unfortunately it is just at this time that children are usually left without help in their unbearable conflicts with their sex impulse. A mother who succeeds in her efforts to repress the sex instinct in her children by instilling in them fears of pregnancy, of disease, of social and moral conflicts, may drive them into neuroses. perversions or impotence. These three are enemies to happiness in marriage.

INTRODUCTION

But let us say that the sex-thwarted mother has been unable to repress the sex impulse in her children, and that, disobediently, they have gone their own way. What happens then? Such children are not likely to find the right way either, in spite of all their salacious reading, experimentation and open or secretive gossip about sex. Their knowledge is gained in a distorted and frivolous way. Sex becomes the subject of dirty jokes, a lewd, forbidden topic surrounded by secrecy and hypocrisy. Such children, as adults, embark on marriages as unhappy as those of their parents who are made to pay again for their failure in the resentment of their unhappy children. For an unconscious" resentment festers within the children; they are not grateful, for it was a misdirected love that their parents lavished upon them; they feel that they have received no help in the most important moments of their lives, and have been hindered from attaining happiness. Therefore, for the sake of their children, mothers must change their hostile attitude toward sex and help to break down the stubborn sex taboos which they have built up. Those women who consider sex a curse of God are mistaken: it IS His blessing. They argue that they have not found it so. I believe them. Similarly, a violin in the hands of a person who does
·The Unconscious as used here is not identical with the subconscious. The latter is what Freud called the "pre-conscious," i.e. not conscious at the moment but more or less readily made conscious. By contrast, the "unconscious" part of the mind, or the unconscious system, contains contents that either never were conscious or have been repressed from consciousness. The barrier of repression tends to keep that which has been repressed from coming to conscious recognition. It is now generally conceded by scientists, psychologists and psychiatrists the world over that one of the greatest scientific discoveries of our day was Freud's discovery of the Unconscious. There is no other word for it in the language of the experts. One can disagree and say there is no such thing as the Unconscious, but to call it subconscious only adds to the confusion and settles nothing.

IS

SEX PERFEcnON

AND MARITAL HAPPINESS

not know how to play it will produce an unbearable noise; but let a great master play on the same instrument and. the result is quite different. It is not the instrument that is at fault but the player. It is indeed true that present-day society produces very few masters of the art of love. Only an insignificant proportion of men have taken the trouble, or even thought it worth while, to cultivate love and sex as an art. But a great art it is, capable, if rightly understood, developed and practiced, of revealing realms of unsurpassed beauty. The principles of the art of love and sexual happiness covel a complex scientific field. To attain perfection in this art is no easier than it is in any other art. Strict observance of the principles which can perfect sex life requires the security provided by a satisfactory, healthy marriage; this, in tum, furnishes the security which children need as members of a harmonious household. Therefore it is worth while to learn thoroughly the rules for achieving sex perfection. It is easier for young people to learn them from the start than to be obliged, in later life, to break long-ingrained, faulty habits, to abandon a well-worn road in order to find a new way-the only way that leads to fulfillment and happiness. In my reconciliation work in the divorce court, I have frequently heard the remark, "But doctor, you overestimate the sex factor. There are other factors in marriage more important and on a higher level than sex. If, for instance, my husband and I could have had more in common, enjoyed more of the same interests, we might have remained friends and not be seeking a divorce." I reject the view that matters relating to sex are on a lower level than any other experience the world has to offer us. Admittedly, sex treated in a frivolous way can become more repulsive and ugly than any other kind of distorted art; but have

INTRODUCTION

19

you ever seen a couple who have reached the goal of sex per fection? Look into the face of a woman who is entirely satished in her sex relations; she is completely relaxed. Such a woman IS in love with her husband. Not only does this love cause her to become more attractive, but it also tends to develop her good qualities and repress the bad ones. In her, happiness and goodness are twins; for how can trickery, deceitfulness or meanness exist in the soul of a person who loves? Such a woman radiates happiness and wants to make others happy. N ow look into the face of a sexually frustrated woman. Bitterness, ha tred and irritability have hardened her features. She has hell inside her and she produces a hell around her. Can you doubt then that a satisfactory sex life is the first essential to harmony in marriage? That this is something more than a personal opinion can be seen in the reports of institutions dealing with marital problems. These show that in more than 90 per cent of all divorce suits the real reason for the break-up of the home IS maladjustment in the couple's sexual relationship, despite other complaints, such as brutality, drunkenness, unfaithfulness, avarice or selfishness, which prove to be no more than the symptoms or the consequences of an uneducated sex life. In 1936, the divorce rate in Europe averaged 5 per cent, exceeding that of Australia, Canada, South Africa and China. But in America the rate was over 10 per cent." Ten years later, in 1946, the divorce rate in this country had reached the alarming figure of 37 per cent. Yet this represents only a fraction of the couples who want a divorce. One out of every two or three of the remaining married couples desires divorce but refrains out of moral compunctions, consideration for the children or financial difficulties. This brings us to the startling conclusion
easy manner in which a divorce is obtained, the advance of industrialism,
which has freed women from dependence upon their husbands. etc. -Certain considerations may partly explain this difference: for instance, the

20

SEX PERFECTION

AND MARITAL

HAPPINESS

that out of every hundred marriages in this country, perhaps ninety are unsatisfactory. We have to try to comprehend the full extent of the catastrophe which the consequences of this failure of the marriage relationship will produce during the next two decades. We have to bear in mind that children from broken homes incline toward juvenile delinquency, psychosomatic diseases, mental disturbances, perversion, and, later, impotence, frigidity, alcoholism, crime and prostitution. Therefore it is clear that every effort to build up a better marital life means not only saving the government billions of dollars for hospitals, detention homes, reformatories, and prisons but, what is even more important, procuring for America a more mature, happy and healthy population whose energies are not wasted in domestic conflicts that are exhausting. It is true that sexual maladjustment is not the one and only cause of domestic conflict. Differences in character and differences in habits of life also play their part. But I disagree with Amram Scheinfeld when he states: "Sexual adjustment is generally dependent on all other adjustments." It may be the other way around; or, better, both ways lead to the same goal, inasmuch as differences in character are subsidiary causes which unfailingly cease to produce disharmony once a couple has reached the goal of sex perfection. This may seem an over-simplification, but let me explain. As I have said before, sex perfection is an art in which it is as difficult to achieve perfection as in any other art. Moreover, no one can attain the goal of sex perfection unless he possesses or acquires certain qualities of character. Chief among these are unselfishness, honesty, reliability and emotional maturity, which means development from the state of taking to the state ~ of giving. I do not advance this doctrine on religious or ethical grounds but purely from the psychological point of view. A

INTRODUCTION

21

person whose character has developed in this way is at peace with himself; his energies are not dissipated in battles with his more or less unconscious feelings of guilt; he does not waste time on self-reproach. How necessary the state of relaxation is to the achievement of sex perfection I hope to make clear later on in this book. Often I have heard this complaint from some woman whom the judge has sent to me in the hope that she might be reconciled with her husband: "We have nothing in common. I love good music, books, society; all he likes is fishing and hunting. I am through with him; I don't love him any more." I have said that love and understanding can change character. But this woman no longer loves her husband, and he has no wish to change the habits which have brought him the only pleasure he has been able to wring from life. Is there any hope of reconciling such a couple? If they were ever sexually attractive to eachother, if their marriage was based on love and not merely on practical considerations, and if neither has meanwhile fallen in love with another person, the alienation is most likely due to mistakes in their sex relations which can be corrected. But, if these mistakes are not corrected, the couple will become increasingly dissatisfied sexually, and more and more inconsiderate toward and resentful of each other, until their relationship reaches the point where neither has any regard for the desires or wishes of the other; they then begin to go separate ways and soon have no interests in common. But it is wrong to believe that a love which seems dead can never be revived. In setting about the delicate process of rekindling love in estranged couples. I try to teach them six rules for achieving sex perfection. I work with the wife to persuade her to resume sex relations with her husband. but in a more satisfactory way than before; to teach her to overcome

22

SEX PERFECTION AND MARITAL HAPPINESS

her resistance toward him and toward his sexual habits. I work with the husband, advising him how to approach his wile. The couple is obliged to give my methods a trial whether they want to or not, for until they have done so they will not be granted a divorce. If both partners are cooperative-it is my business to see that they are-and if no outsider interferes, the miracle happens, their love is re-born. Before they can achieve sex perfection they have first, however, to develop certain qualities of character. When this is done, and full sex satisfaction is attained, their old love for each other returns in full force; indeed it is often an even deeper and truer love than before. Then, feeling grateful toward one another, they wish to please each other, and, by making efforts to do so, they develop more and more interests in common. During my forty-five years of practice 1 have become convinced of the important part which sex satisfaction plays in molding the marriage relationship. Real sex satisfaction leads inevitably to a deep feeling of love; and, with love and patience, faulty traits of character can be corrected. One of the most important changes which usually needs to be effected in the characters of estranged couples is the abandonment of resentment. This resentment is often hidden deep in the realm of the unconscious. Real sex satisfaction cannot be attained by a resentful person, because resentment or bitterness stands in the way of sex preparation and, by so doing. blocks the capacity for love. Resentment can only be overcome by kindness and understanding. True, it would have been better if some of the individuals who have come to me demanding a divorce had married a more developed person, one less spoiled. one better prepared to face the hardships of life; and, certainly, it is always advisable to marry someone with whom one has at least a few

INTRODUCTION

23

interests in common. But the fact that certain qualities are undeveloped does not mean that they are non-existent. A selfish person can be taught to appreciate and desire the blessed feeling that comes with unselfish acts. In my experience, It is never too late to undertake the transformation of character. And, the more closely the goal of sex perfection can be achieved, the more certain we can be of success. This arises from the fact that sex perfection demands self control, mutual consideration and unselfish love. The harmony of marriage is mainly based on a happy sex life. A harmonious home is of outstanding importance in the task that faces us all-that of meeting the inevitable ups and downs of life with inner calmness and courage. To the men and women who want to create such a home for themselves, and their children this book tries to point the way. True, the science of sex cannot be grasped in a day, but anyone who wants to, and who will persist, can attain this goal. Such mastery will not only bring incalculable benefits to the lives of the next generation, but will also add immeasurably to the happiness of adults today.

CHAPTER II

Sex Development of Children

WHY WAS the world so deeply shocked and so fiercely indignant when Sigmund Freud announced that sex activity begins in infancy, and that sex frustration produces more of the world's adult neuroses than any other single cause? There are two main reasons. First: In our culture there is widespread hypocrisy about sex activity and experience. Few are honest even in their own thoughts about sex. They either . exaggerate or minimize what they feel, see and do. Second: Most people think sex is an activity beginning only at puberty and involving the genital organs alone. Such is not the case at all. Sexual activity begins in the infant, and, at first, is not restricted to the genitals. As the child develops he passes through stages and practices which are perfectly natural and normal to his immature years, but which, if not outgrown later on, are called-very often erroneously-perversions. How can an "innocent," "pure," child have sex impulses, or, even worse, be perverted? The answer is simple, as any educator or parent can convince himself if he does not choose to be blind. Perversions may be considered the preparatory stages of normal sex development. They are, in reality, fragmentary of partial manifestations of the sex instinct. Normally these unite, after puberty, into a mature sexual aim. If for some reason, this union of impulses fails to take place, then one of these partial instincts of the individual develops into a per24

SEX DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN

version and becomes the controlling factor in his sexual1i£e. Thus. from the viewpoint of development. perversion plays a primary and. in the beginning, even a normal part in the life of every individual. The importance of this statement cannot be over-estimated. According to Freud. there are two periods of sexual development. each caused by an increased production of hormones. The first is between the third and the fifth year; the second between the twelfth and the eighteenth year. During the first sexual period the child is at the mercy of his sexual impulses. from the pleasurable habits of cooing, sucking, scratching. biting, from the sexual excitement caused by the rhythmic movements of the rocking cradle. a sensation later re-achieved in dancing. up to the jealousy of the boy for his mother. for whose love he competes with his father and brothers and sisters. Unrestricted, the growing infant in this first period combines within him all kinds of so-called perversions; such as concentrated self-lovewhich we call narcissism. homosexuality and sadistic tendencies (destructiveness. torturing of animals. all sorts of cruel inclinations, etc.). Every mother who observes her child with love and understanding can confirm this from her experiences. The infant. during his first years. serenely leads a pure. uninhibited, inherited instinct-life; he becomes bashful at the end of the first period. Aided by his awakened consciousness and by understanding parents. the child learns to control his impulses. Normally the child's varied sexual impulses begin to localize genitally during the approach of maturity. During the second period of sexual development. beginning at the onset of puberty. the combined sexual impulses begin to prepare the individual for his task of reproduction. He disengages himself gradually from his love of himself. from his dependence on and idealization of his parents and, if necessary.

SEX PERFECTION

AND MARITAL HAPPINESS

from his brothers and sisters, until finally, after a few digressions into masturbation (which at this age can be called normal) , or into manifestations of homosexuality (worshipping devotion among boys or excessive affection among girls) normal love for the other sex develops. This is what the sexual evolution of the individual should be. But all too often it follows some other pattern. In such cases immense damage can be done by parents and other adults if they lack judgment and understanding. The damaging factor to which we shall call attention first is the restriction of sexual development by scorn or depreca tion of the sex instinct. When boys thus injured grow to be adults, they may mature intellectually and physically, but emotionally they frequently remain immature. Their sex development halts on a childish level. This can account for the fact that some men are more attracted to boys than to women, as they were prior to puberty. if such men continue with mutual masturbation they are erroneously regarded as homosexuals. Yes, erroneously. Again and again, in the courts, the author has had to stress the distinction between real homosexuality and immaturity. An immature adult can mature, whereupon his sex life becomes normal. It is a matter of education. A true homosexual seems to have a certain physical constitution (possibly due to the changing quaiity of his chromosomes and horrnonesj " which makes the opposite sex unattractive to him, or even repulsive. A true homosexual does not want to change his sex attitudes; whereas an immature adult has the greatest desire to grow up to a normal sex life. He is the temporary victim of his upbringing. Few parents fail to pay at least some attention to nurturing the talents of their children toward a definite goal. The same should be done with the children's love life, and should begm
-][insey does not share in this belief.

SEX DEVELOPMENT

OF CHILDREN

in infancy. When a mother takes her babe to her breast she is provided with the first opportunity to develop its instinct of contrectation, the instinct to touch the skin. Blissfully the babe falls asleep there. Children who have been bottle-fed as infants, who have not been accustomed, as babies, to lie at their mother's side or to spend hours in their parent's bed, and have had, consequently, to do without human skin contact, have, according to Havelock Ellis, a mortality thirty per cent greater than those who have had such skin contact. The survivors show a remarkable difference in their later love life. As adults they are apt to be more hard-hearted, more egocentric, less tender toward their mates, and more unsocial toward their fellowmen. The Melanesian woman caresses her child's body for hours. She breathes on it fondly as if from an instinctive desire to protect the child from damage to his natural life. The chief of the Gallas (a negro tribe), expressed his amazement to the African explorer, Schrenzel, at the fact that the civilized people of America and Europe give no sexual training to their children. This, he thought, should take precedence over any other kind of training; since a healthy sex development not only provides the sensation of greatest bliss to the individual, but also furnishes the basis for harmonious family life and thus for the strength of the whole tribe. That is the opinion of a primitive man of Central Africa-primitive, yet wise in his knowledge of life. In civilized countries, however, education takes for its aim not the development of sexuality but its suppression. In the life of a child, masturbation, playing with the genitals, is an important factor in developing sexuality, for masturbation helps the child to transfer his sensations from the primary, lustregions of the mouth and anus, normal to the baby, to the sex organs where they will eventually be needed. Play activities are necessary to the child to prepare him for

SEX PERFECTION

AND MARITAL HAPPINESS

his later vocation. A girl who nurses her dolls devotedly will probably become a better mother to her future children than one who doesn't. The Japanese are so convinced of this that their Spring Doll Festival for girls is an important annual celebration. A boy who develops his constructive talents by playing with tools and technical toys will prove more efficient in the engineering professions than one whose play-instincts have been suppressed. That this principle is equally applicable to sexual development is a fact which too few people recognize. On the other hand, pampering and over-indulgence can also restrict sexual development. As Oswald Schwarz says: "A man whose mother has kept him too long to herself never, or only with the greatest difficulty, finds his way to other women." An overly strong attachment to the parents-between the boy and his mother, and between the girl and her father (Oedipus complex) usually keeps the children from marrying when they mature. The unconscious of the young man drives him in search of the unattainable mother ideal through continual changes of sweethearts. Such a man is predestined to unfaithfulness. And, if he marries, impotence is often the result. In his wife he unconsciously sees his mother, for whom he must not have incest-wishes, and therefore he is inhibited by an unconscious feeling of guil t. The woman he loves he cannot possess, and the one he possesses he cannot love. That may sound paradoxical, and yet it is many a man's lot. Such conflicts of soul can easily drive a man back into childish sex activity, into some form of perversion. A third factor damaging to the child's sexual evolution is beating. This appeared in the case of a young woman whose marriage was very unhappy because, unconsciously, she longed to get from her husband the same beatings she had received as a child, from her governess. Because of her masochistic fixation she had not matured sufficiently to react to any other sexual

SEX DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN

stimulus. She therefore remained sexually frigid. (A masochist is a person who is a sadist against himself.) Under no circumstances should a child ever be beaten. Correct education never makes use of such measures. Almost without exception, beatings result in a, more or less, strong fixation of the sadistic-masochistic tendencies which the infant possesses during the first period of sexual development. The child is afraid of the beatings; they thwart the development of his sellesteem; nevertheless they produce feelings of pleasure which remain in his unconscious. A child accustomed to being beaten will finally behave in such a way as to provoke beatings. He himself does not know what is driving him to these actionsparents are apt to call it obstinacy and meanness-in reality it is the unconscious craving for relaxation of bodily tension. The following case from my notes is an illustration. A father complained bitterly about his four year old son, John. Ordinarily he was a goodhearted, obedient little fellow; but periodically his behavior changed. Disobedient, tricky, stubborn, he did everything to arouse the anger of his parents, until the father took him over his knees and spanked him hard. It helped immediately. He would then stay on his good behavior for about ten days. "Now listen, Mr. Brown," I said, "it seems that your boy has a craving to be spanked and you fulfill his desire." "A craving to be spanked?" exclaimed Mr. Brown incredulously, "It hurts John," he cried. "How can he want to be spanked?" I explained that John does not know what drives him to be naughty. He is tense, and this torturing feeling forces him to seek relaxation. One form of relaxation can be produced by beating. Many couples who have fist fights with each other are often afterwards entirely relaxed and happy. Therefore their unconscious tendency, when they become tense, is to fight with each other. Such couples are usually ones who were accustomed to being spanked in their childhood. "You are creating in your child sado-

30

SEX PERFECTION

AND MARITAL HAPPINESS

masochistic tendencies which are dangerous for his future life," I told Mr. Brown. He was shocked, and promised me under no circumstances to spank John again. Two weeks later I was called by John's mother to their home. The father was about to break his promise and spank the boy. 1 came too late to prevent the spanking, but not too late to see a demonstration of my suppositions as instructive as it was un forgetable. John's mother was also a witness. During the spanking an expression of satisfaction and sensual lust came into the boy's face like that of an adult during a satisfactory sex act. His mother was horrified. Suddenly she understood me perfectly. It was as though through the spanking the tension of the cells in John's body was driven out in a kind of local orgasm. Later the father excused himself. "I could not follow your advice. John became more and more unbearable. I had no other choice." "Naturally," I exclaimed. "The longer John had to wait to be .spanked, the more his tension increased, the more he was driven to acts by which he could expect to break your patience. In the next two weeks you will have great difficulty with him, if you do not spank him. The poor boy, accustomed to this kind of sadomasochistic satisfaction, will try everything to force you to spank him. But you must not give in. Speak reasonably with him, explain your finn decision not to spank him any more, to find another kind of punishment. But, better still, find another way to relax his tension. Have his mother take him into bed in the morning. (Such relaxing skin contact had never been given to him) Encourage him in sports or other interests. Then his naughtiness will, in all probability, cease." Education by threats also gives poor results. Superficially it may seem to serve its purpose i the child often becomes good and obedient. But his character is endangered; malice and low cunning are aroused, for a child yields to force most reluctantly. The impulse itself has not been destroyed but merely

SEX DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN

31

repressed into the unconscious. The child, as a grown-up, often suffers painfully from his struggle with this impulse whose origin he no longer recognizes. Threats and beatings may stop a child from torturing animals; but his sadistic tendencies nevertheless live on within him. The parents would be wiser to point out to him the agonies suffered by animals when the}' are tortured; only in that way can they help him to subdue and conquer his perversion. A child's inherited sex impulses have to be handled in the same way as his acquired ones. For instance, a boy may stop stealing because he dreads the ensuing beatings; he is forced to repress his desires. But his impulse to steal is undiminished and later on will whisper to the grown-up individual: "You must not steal because you'll be punished, locked up and dishonored." Thus many persons are honest only out of fear, in contrast to those whose parents were clever enough to appeal to their reasoning power from their earliest days, thus strengthening their ability to recognize the distinctions between mine and thine. The supposedly injurious effects of sexual "naughtiness" in children are largely overestimated, not only in the first sexual period, but also during adolescence, when they are practiced by such a vast majority of children as to warrant their being classed as "normal." The attempt to annihilate such "naughtiness" by overly strict training, leads to the most serious consequences by awakening special feelings of shame and guilt. Another harmful result is that, when the child does have the inevitable sexual experiences, he has no one to confide in if his parents have shown, by their strict rejection, that they will give him an unsympathetic hearing. Thus the child, troubled enough anyway, is forced to cope with his conflicts alone. If unable to do so he often retreats into neurosis. Few people realize how often children have occasion for sexual observation or are subjected to sexual attacks by nurses and educators, servants or other children. Most parents never hear

SEX PERFECTION

AND MARITAL HAPPINESS

of these attacks because only those children will speak who are accustomed to tell their parents everything without reserve. Children who are kept in ignorance as to matters of sex are in greater danger than well informed ones. They associate with other children in school. An unwholesome atmosphere of frivolity, salacity and sex curiosity prevails in nearly every school; what this can produce is shown by the following seemingly incredible OCCUITence:
Two years ago I was called to the detention home to interview a girl, fifteen years of age, who had been arrested in a car after she had indulged in sex play, masturbation, intercourse and perversion with four soldiers. This girl came from an orderly home; she had decent parents. She was known both at school and at home as a moral, "innocent" child. What made her suddenly commit such outrageous acts? "Tell me Agnes," I asked her, "Did the four soldiers force you to enter their car?" She shook her head. "Have you ever done anything like this before?" Again she shook her head. "Were you suddenly overcome by this sex desire?"
"No."

"Then why did you do it?" She maintained a stubborn silence, as she had done toward her parents, the district attorney and the probation officers. I talked with her for nearly an hour. At last, bursting into tears, she confessed:

"Everybody at school made fun of me. They said I was naive,

'Shut up girls, here's Agnes; the little angel will lose her wingsI' Things like that, they'd say. They teased me every day and I couldn't bear it any more. I wanted to get even with them. I wanted to go them one better, so they'd look up to me,". That was her explanation. It is not fiction and not even an exceptional case. If parents were to be told what goes on in schools they would not believe it. Parents do not know; their children do not dare to report their experiences.

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33 I was asked by the court why Agnes did not tell her mother how the other children humiliated her. Her mother could then have complained to the teachers. But Agnes had told her mother and her mother had been to the school. Few teachers, however, are capable of transforming the spirit of a whole class, a spirit which is being constantly lowered by the disturbances and even immorality in many homes. The mother's complaint only served to make the children more hostile toward Agnes, and this hostility drove her to her disastrous acts. In the case of Agnes I have to add a postscript, perhaps even more incredible than her deeds. She was released on probation and my official task was to bring her to a better understanding of what she had done and enlighten her regarding sex. When I entered her home, by appointment, the parents ushered me into the living room where doors were open into dining room and kitchen. When I asked them where I could speak undisturbed with Agnes they gave the following reply: "The only available room is her bedroom, and as she is now fifteen years old, it would not be decent for a man to be alone with her there. Besides, we prefer to be present when you speak with her about ... about .... " They did not even dare to say "sex." Three months later we had reasons to take Agnes away from her parents. To show how blind parents and educators are regarding the sex occurrences in the life of children, the author takes out at random another case from his files: An old lady came to me and said: "Tomorrow my son-inlaw is going to bring you my only grandchild for treatment. I have opposed this in vain. I speak quite frankly to you." "Why don't you wish it, madam?" "Because my granddaughter is an absolutely innocent girl, who has never been in love and does not want to know any-

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thing about love, while psychoanalysis"-she groped for words -"concerns itself only with sexual things. I have come to beg you not to discuss sex matters with Helen. She is only eighteen years old." "Madam," I said, "you are misinformed. The task of psychoanalysis is not to lead patients to speak of sex matters, but to free people of emotional conflicts which, because they are hidden, are acting harmfully on them. Psychoanalysis does not seek sexual things, but it always finds them." "With Helen you will find nothing. She would run away from you at the first treatment if you spoke of these ugly things." At these words I despaired of any further explanation, but simply said: "I will conduct the treatment as usual. But I will only speak to her on sex matters if she brings them up herself." "Then I can be at ease on the subject," said the old lady, rising . .This conversation is repeated almost word for word because it is characteristic of many peoples' ideas about the nonexistence of sex experiences in children. After three or four weeks of daily analysis, recollections of events going back to her earliest childhood began suddenly to erupt from Helen's unconscious. These recollections concerned painful sexual experiences of her early life which had checked her normal sexual development. When she was five years old a gardener of her father's had placed her on his lap and touched her sexually. Thus she had learned masturbation. This experience was frequently repeated. When she was seven years old a boy from a neighboring estate had tried to attack her. She had run away in great terror and had never dared to tell anyone about these happenings. Finally the most repressed events of all came to light-actual sex experiences with her own brother just before puberty.

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3S

Helen, awakened from her amnesia, described all the scenes to her psychoanalyst with great excitement, experiencing again, in recollection, the same feelings as in the actual happenings. These experiences had brought about repressed and unconscious feelings of shame and guilt which hindered her normal development, made her avoid every love affair and dread matters of sex, without knowing why. Remember Helen's grandmother who was convinced that her grandchild was too innocent for love and sex desires. Helen herself had been equally convinced that she had not had any sex experiences. They were buried in her unconsciousness after puberty and would have remained entirely forgotten but poisoning her life if she had not had help. The rest of us are like Helen and her grandmother. We do not know what repressed experiences of our childhood still live in us. Noone can call himself an exception. A deep analysis often discloses amazing revelations. Sexual experiences, active or passive, often remain latent and not understood in the child's mind until, during adolescence, he feels they are shameful and repulsive and therefore forces them into his unconsciousness in an attempt to escape from feelings of guilt. These need to be raised once more and recognized by the conscious mind through analysis. Then, no longer as helpless as children, we can cope with our once dreaded experiences reasonably. In the countries of culture and civilization, the majority of children grow up with deep inner conflict from which many are forced to escape into a neurosis. For instance: A young girl falls in love. However, her early training, moral considerations, fears of being rejected by his family and by society struggle within her, against her love. With all her strength she mobilizes these counter-arguments

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in order not to succumb to her sexual instinct. But her inharmonious home, full of conflicts and disorders, has not taught her to make order in her own soul. Her mind is tom in different directions as are her feelings towards her father and mother. She becomes disturbed, helpless, a true reflection of her home atmosphere. These inner conflicts finally exhaust her so much that she becomes incapable of mental or physical effort. The girl eventually sees in her growing sexual desires a source of mental anguish. Dreading this condition, she wants to escape from it but cannot find any means other than to force it into the unconscious. Thus fear and sexuality become closely linked. The girl develops a neurosis. From now on every sexual desire will produce in her a terrible fear which makes her avoid first the man she loves and later all men. She becomes lonesome, sullen, morbid and timid. She is able to conceal these sexual desires from herself so well that she no longer recognizes their existence. Sex becomes repulsive to her. But many children battle against the unbearable suppression of their sex impulse in another way. Instinctively they resent it as destructive to their natural right to sexuality, and you have the sexual revolt of the teen-agers. But even though modern parents have been obliged to become less puritanical, they still fail to cope adequately with the sex problems of their children. Young people are representative of our time. Their behavior often has its roots in their parent's behavior. Parents may admonish, moralize, punish and study books on how to raise children, but, if they themselves do not follow what they teach, they cannot be successful. I, myself, once wrote a book on child education. If I were to revise it for a new edition, it would contain only one page; on

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that page there would be only one phrase: "The best education for a child is a good example." That is the sum and substance of it all. For quite some time the "age of the child" has been taking its evolutionary course. But, as happens in every reaction, the convictions and procedures adopted by today's youth go far beyond the healthy happy medium. How could it be otherwise? The youth of today is without guidance. The authority of the parents has been dethroned, for the most part justifiably, since parents who themselves need guidance are not suitable educators for their children. Brutal force, belatedly applied, cannot stop the revolution fermenting in the children's hearts. The spirit of modern youth storms through school and home, rendering both parents and educators helpless and confused. Will this revolt of our young people provide better prospects for marriage? Will these easy-going girls be happier than their inhibited, neurotic sisters? Undoubtedly many of them become loyal wives, having learned to use their free experiences to select a suitable marriage partner. On the other hand some girls of good family have suffered moral shipwreck, and some have even been stranded in prostitution. But investigation usually shows that these girls had easy-going mothers who had already given them the example of "social prostitution." In general, the moral picture of today's youth shows them travelling along a road which leads away from neurosis toward the uninhibited urge for experience. For those who become lost in the woods of neurosis happiness in marriage is nearly impossible, but many of the others who try to make their way without guidance through the jungle of premature sexual activity, perish in the deepest mire. Too much and too little are equally harmful. A good and correct education is always the best foundation for a future marriage. But how many children have been raised correctly? And of what good is the best education to one

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of the marriage partners if he is chained to a person whose inner discord and disharmony corrode him? Fundamentally it is the marital happiness of the parents, their orderly and decent life, in short the harmony of the home, which determines a child's basic character. In this connection let us examine the situation in Greenland as described by F. Nansen. The Greenlanders do not educate their children at all. Yet quarrels and nagging do not occur among children, nor do they occur between marriage partners. All children are scrupulously obedient, good-natured and ready to help. The example of their parents is the guiding influence in the development of their character. Are these inborn qualities of their race? Not at alll For some orphaned Greenland children, raised by quarrelsome Norwegian foster parents, became just as quarrelsome and malicious as their foster parents. According to Nordenskiold, the quarreling between two children whom they had observed in an Indian village to the south, was the daily topic for weeks among the inhabitants of a Greenland village, before forerunners of civilization reached their shores. A child, with his keen powers of observation, does not miss the slightest discrepancy between the educational rules of his parents and their actions. Spoken rules remain empty words. Only actions impress and exercise influence. Let me demonstrate with an example from my book, Modern Child Education, of the mother who complained about the mendacity of her child. A few minutes later I witnessed a scene which enabled this mother to recognize her own fault. We entered the nursery. Six year old Kathy was sitting among her dolls, playing "party." We watched her unnoticed. "We're going to have a visitor," Kathy said to one of her dolls, "a tiresome woman, simply awfull What shall I do? Just wait, I'll be right backl" Kathy then got another doll from behind a dollhouse, shook hands with her effusively, and said, "Oh

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how wonderful of you to comel I'm so glad to see you againl" Greatly embarrassed, the mother turned away. The training and development of the child's social sense embraces three stages. During the first phase his ego has to be freed from narcissistic self-love in order that the liberated love energies can be transferred to others in his environment, to parents, brothers and sisters, and educators. During the second phase, the years of puberty, the gradual liberation from the parental home should take place. The energy thus liberated, increased by the development of sex hormones, then stimulates the individual to select his love partner. The feeling for and interest in community, commonwealth, state and nation originates during the first phase of development and manifests itself in school in team games, in comradeship and in altruistic activities. This social sense develops by itself in all phases. It is phylogenetic (inherited) in the organism of every normal person but disturbing educational influences can cause deviation, and faults committed by parents in training their children's social sense can endanger the course of their future marriages. Unloving parents prevent the child from liberating himself from narcissism, from his love for himself. Such parents provide the child no opportunity to transfer his love, because he can find no objects accessible to it. Such a child will be selfabsorbed, lonely, given to daydreaming and feelings of inferiority. Later in life he usually becomes embittered, keeps to himself and is unable to become a part of any community. People of this sort are completely unfitted for marriage; from the start their marriages are troubled by unhappiness. On the other hand, over-solicitous parents who, through pampering and excessive love, prevent their children from detaching themselves from the parental home, who bar their road to reality by over-protection, make them incompetent,

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hypersensitive hothouse plants. As adults they also are incapable of participating in community life and completely unfitted to be a part of a whole. They demand from their marriage partners the same pampering to which their parents have accustomed them. They only know the "1"; they disregard the "Thou" completely. No marriage based on such relentless egoism can be successful. The understanding of our impulse-life necessitates, above all, a completely uninhibited. unprejudiced attitude toward sex impulses. We must come to realize that deprecation, contempt or defamation of our sexual processes is not only absurd but can also produce injurious repressions which depress and burden our mental life. To the natural, healthily raised individual the sex organs are not inferior or ugly; for them sensuous feelings are full of strength and beauty. But sexuality is no amusement. He who treats it frivolously does not know sexuality; he will never experience its ecstasies. If we do not sully and debase it, sexuality is something beautiful, pure and noble, a serious and holy matter destined to be the dispenser of supreme happiness in our lives. All our private life is connected with it: marriage, children, home. Again I repeat, parents make an irreparable mistake when they fail to guide their children in their sex cravings. Without such guidance children become the victims of neurosis, frivolity or masturbation. Unguided boys secretly visit prostitutes, disregarding the possibility of infection; and unguided girls are so overwhelmed by sexual energy that, in selecting a marriage partner, they make blind choices, disregarding the mental and physical fitness of their mates. What they thought was love they later discover to have been mere sensuousness or a craving for adventure. Thus both sexes bring about a split in their sexual processes which impedes their cognizance of true love. Wise educators, understanding this situation, adopt con-

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sistent methods for the sex education of children from their earliest years. Just as we teach children to love flowers, animals, nature, music and good literature, we should also cultivate in them the appreciation of love, marriage and their fellow men. Lindsey says quite rightly: "An aesthethic education is a good foundation for proper life conduct." If the maturing child has become familiar with all his sexual impulses, so that he can critically regard and recognize them without mental distress; if he has enjoyed the consistent guidance of educators in this, the most important part of his training; then, fully conscious of his energizing powers, he will be free from disturbing inhibitions and repressions in finding a suitable love partner. He will be able to make this important choice with a clear head and a warm heart. Closely linked with sexual maturity are a person's emotions, thoughts and actions, in short, his entire personality. A vast mass of human beings today suffers from mental immaturity. due to a faulty education which cuts them off from the valuable heritage of their ancestors. Only those who learn clearly to recognize their inherited instincts and impulses can apply them wisely to life or undertake to subordinate them without damage to themselves. All others are continually totmented by their struggle with them, futilely wasting their strength until, finally, they take refuge from this "miserable life" in neurosis. Continuous preoccupation with one's own self leads to sexual inhibitions which have quite as unfavorable an influence on the institution of marriage as does the sexuallicentiousness of today's youth. The dispersal of every sexual restraint, as manifested in youth's reaction to a strict education, in which sexual development is repressed instead of guided, has disadvantages also. On the one side we find repression, exhaustion of vital energies, neurosis, frigidity and impotence, flight from reality, sometimes even from life itself; on the other side we find a split

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sexuality, pleasurable indulgence of the genital regions leading to exhaustion of the genitalized physical and mental quotas of sexuality, inner emptiness, surfeit, dissatisfaction, prostitution. But sometimes even the very best and most enlightened education is not able to prevent the tormenting agonies of puberty. We must not forget that the harassing sexual conflicts of youth spring from our cultural development. No primitive creature undergoes such grave inner revolutions as does civilized man. Wherein lies the reason? The more highly culture develops, the longer it takes an individual to absorb all this culture, since he has to evolve through the immense experiences of his ancestors. This, as already stated, is especially true of a civilized man of high intellect. For the full evolution of his inherited endowments, increased by his own acquisitions and knowledge, such a man requires a period of study of more than twenty-five years. His sexual maturation takes place between the sixteenth and eighteenth year; yet his mental and spiritual development is then still in its earlier stages. Women of civilized nations, inhibited by ignorance, fear of pregnancy and disease, etc., do not mature sexually until the average age of twenty-seven or twenty-eight. This difference in timing results in an increasingly severe disharmony in the development of individuals of high culture. A natural instinct as strong as the sex instinct cannot be entirely suppressed during this long interval required for mental maturation without damage to the procreative powers. Woman's entire nature consists of sexuality, in the larger sense. Her mental and emotional life is one great yearning for the fulfillment of this sexuality in love, devotion and motherhood. In this lies her most important task, her duty and her happiness. The strength a woman must devote to the struggle for existence is stolen from this great life task. Love then has

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to be sidetracked. True, many "career women" have occasional liasons which temporarily appease their sex desires. But a woman who surrenders without her whole soul, that is without real love, violates the harmony of her nature and degrades herself to prostitution. There is no doubt that a frivolous sex life stunts the emotionallife of young people and disrupts their sexual energies. If childish masturbation is prematurely replaced by sex play with a partner, even normal sexual intercourse later is apt to become a mere masturbatory action. Disappointment, dissatisfaction, longing for more complete fulfillment, then prompt a search for variety. Slowly the capacity for love dies. Many girls, forced out of their real profession, have to use most of their strength in their studies or work and thus become defeminized; while men, overburdened by worry and the struggle to earn a living, lose their enjoyment of love. The marriages of such persons bring just as little happiness and companionship as do those of the repressed or frigid. Without mental and emotional contact, marriage becomes either a boring habit or an unbearable torture. The vital nerves of love and marriage, those most important factors of human happiness, have been broken through sex ignorance and the undue delay of marriage. Thus has modern marriage become a farce. Overwhelming waves of hatred, anger, malice, lies, intrigues, agony and cruelty surge over us as a result of marriage as it is today. At best we find resignation and indifference. It is a marvel that people are able to endure for so long such a tortured and unworthy life. No problem cries out more urgently for solution than that of marriage. Is there a solution? Yes. I think so. It might be sought by three means. The first is sex education-but sex education of the right

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kind. To encourage and help provide this is the aim of this book. I have tried to show not only the way to develop but also the way to save the capacity to love; in addition I undertake to prove that human sex relations can produce not only the delight of the sex act itself but also something else, unknown to most civilized peoples, which is a source of the greatest happiness and capable of saving marriages from divorce. The second means for the solution of our problem is early marriage. I am not alone in this belief. Dr. James F. Bender, Director of the National Institute of Human Relations, says: "Early marriage leads to far better marriage adjustments both physically and psychologically. The cases of incompatability which come to my officeare not the couples who married early but the late-married who are crippled by stunted and repressed emotions or by previous, furtive experiences." Parents should encourage their children to marry early, in order to prevent the development of emotional and psychical conflicts, but only if they are capable of making the right love choice and are well prepared for a successful marriage. If this is true, it becomes obvious that either the parents or the state should help young couples in their first years, to give them a good start. If necessary, the money thus spent may be considered a loan to be repaid later. The third means toward the improvement of modern marriages is a better, a more cultivated, home life. Children from disturbed and broken homes never experience that sense of security and well-being which is their due and which can only be found in a harmonious home, where a kind, understanding father and a warm-hearted, loving mother combine their efforts toward helping them in their troubles, and serving as their two best friends and counsellors. Children who grow up in such an environment need not seek a good time away from home. A mother forced to take a job will become, in all probability,

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overworked, exhausted and nervous. With time her love for her children often becomes less demonstrative. She can rarely attain as quiet and harmonious an atmosphere as a mother who devotes all her time to home and children. Girls who do not, from early childhood on, assist their mothers at household tasks, who are not taught to handle efficiently those duties with which they will be faced in the future, rarely enjoy the role of housewife. Not having had their natural instincts developed, they do not find full satisfaction in their chosen jobs. On this occasion the author would like to mention his fifteen rules which have proved useful to many parents who wanted to help their children to become good husbands and wives:
1. Train yourselves, before you train your children. 2. Never quarrel; never lose your temper in front of your children; always be in agreement about their training. 3. Give equal kindness and love to all of your children, but do not spoil them, (especially not an only. child) • 4. Don't be moody and incalculable, but consistent and just. 5. Through loving, fair and unquestionable insistence, bring your child to absolute recognition of your authority before he has reached his fourth year. 6. See to it that the child understands all your instructions and prohibitions; you will thus not only prevent an attitude of defiance but also strengthen his insight and understanding. 7. Never beat a child; never attempt to influence him with brutality of any kind. S. Do not lie to a child-above all in answering his sexual questions. 9. Never frighten a child. 10. Never ridicule a child; don't humiliate him, esteem him. 11. Prepare the child through a graduated series of small selfdenials to meet life's difficulties. 12. Find out your child's abilities as soon as possible and try

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to develop them through his play, thus preparing him for his future profession. 13. Begin developing your child's five senses from babyhood; teach him to enjoy nature and art. 14. Allow the child by his own experiences to grow up to responsible self-reliance. Do not attempt to stand between him and the normal consequences of his .acts. 15. As the child grows, make the transition from the role of authoritative guide to that of friend and adviser. Children brought up in this manner will have gained from their parents a dowry for their later years which no blow of fate can take from them-the memory of a sunny childhood,-the best foundation for success and happiness in their future marriage. It is hard to change the life of a spoiled generation, to alter the fixed habits of parents, unsatisfactory though they may be; but if parents could be induced to make a fresh start, using methods better adapted to their children's needs, they would reap a rich reward in their children's happiness.
"Paternity is a career that is Imposed upon you one fine morning with· out any inquiry as to your fitness for it. That is why there are many fathers who have children, but few cbildren who have fathers."
FRANCIS DE CROISSET

CHAPTER

III

Talking to Children about Sex

and cartoon have exploited the ordeal of the poor stuttering father who feels duty-bound to tell his son the "facts of life," as they are inappropriately called. Usually he is so ridiculously embarrassed by the subject that he either says nothing that is new to the boy or nothing that is true; and finally he gives up the whole thing as a bad job. No wonder most parents cannot help their children in the struggle with their sex instinct when they themselves have never had a proper sex education. In this chapter I shall give a general outline of how to deal with this problem. It is at the moment when parents evade their children's questions with lies or reject them with, "You can't understand that yet," that they estrange their children. Many parents postpone this information because they are afraid they will "corrupt" the children, will sully their childish, naive imagination. According to Freud, parents are generally too late with their attempts at enlightening their children. Above all, a child must have confidence in his parents. He must feel absolutely certain that "mother won't lie to me; with her I can discuss everything, my feelings, my thoughts ..• she's my best friend." Parents will invariably win this confidence if they never refuse the child an answer to his questions; if they don't tell him stork tales which will only too soon prove to be deceptions; if they don't rebuff him with the explanation that he's not big enough yet; or, still worse, reproach the child for his interest in such "indecent" topics. A child thus 47
MANY A JOKE

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rejected or deceived will forego explanations. The un-understood or only half-understood sexual relationships burden the child's mind; and in his vain search for truth the ghosts of fear grow. From then on he goes his own way, apart from his parents. Parents cannot be warned enough against intimidating children about sex. If they are seen in sexual play, they must never be threatened with "Shame on you; if you touch 'it' again I'll cut 'it' off." Such a threat often sets up the so-called "castration complex." In any event the rebuffed and intimidated child will develop feelings of guilt which will cause him to repress his impulses into the unconscious and arouse feelings of repugnance and distaste for his natural sex impulses. Feelings of fear and guilt subsequently prevent many people from discussing and regarding sexual matters in a natural and calm way. Repression furthermore deprives the child of the memories of his early childhood. "Impulses blocked from consciousness contribute to our seemingly unmotivated moods, varying states of mind and emotions. The whole army of neurotic illnesses derives its symptoms from such abnormal and successful repressions. You will object, "But what are we to do? Are we to overlook indecencies? We can't have children who are unrestrained and spoiled!" Parents should not forget what we have already discussed: that sexual pleasure feelings appear and exist quite normally in earliest infancy; that the sexual impulse is probably the strongest impulse we have; that masturbatory actions take place even during the first year of life. As soon as possible, perhaps after his second year, one should calmly and lovingly tell the child that it is better not to play with parts of the body, just as he is told not to suck his thumb or to put his finger in his nose. When later a child wants to go about without clothes in the summer, one might tell him: "Darling, we're living in a

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country where everyone wears clothes, and so we must wear them just as all the others do." But never talk of its being "indecent" or "not proper." Brothers and sisters should even see each other in the nude in their nursery; they should regard each other naturally and not be instilled with lustful feelings by suggestions that there is something extraordinary or forbidden about the nude body. If the child remarks upon sex differences, it is best to answer simply and naturally: "That's the way a girl looks and this is what a boy has." Then the child will not find anything remarkable in his discoveries and nothing to prolong his curiosity; whereas, otherwise, a secret interest will always lead him back to them. When a child asks his mother, "where did I come from?" the mother should answer calmly: "You came from inside me here,"-pointing to the lower part of her pelvis. And if he goes on with: "Then I, too, was once in you?" she should reply: "Yes, you grew up inside of me, here under my heart." Let us again repeat, that should be the answer if the child asks. For if he asks he is preoccupied with the question and needs the answer, the full truth, whether he be three years old or twelve. The answers the parents should give, if lie continues his questions, will be demonstrated later by an example. But the parents may say: "My child asks about the origin of children just as he does about a thousand other things. He asks continually, all day long, and doesn't listen to my answers." This question-mania has found a surprising explanation through Freud. Such children, when first expressing curio osity about their origin, have either been put off with some stork story or have had their questions rejected. In either case the child was instinctively bothered by the unsolved question. The child's unconscious knows somehow that he has not been given a correct answer. His inherited instincts help him guess the truth which consciousness cannot yet grasp. Instinctively

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the child feels: "A s.ecretis being kept from me," or, "I've been lied to." He wants to believe his parents. But the unconsciousness drives the child constantly to questions, to seemingly meaningless questions, the answers to which he doesn't even wait for, because they really aim at this one question to which he no longer expects to get an answer. When one finally talks to him openly and truthfully, the question-mania vanishes, judging from all experiences gathered so far. In no case, however, should one give the child sexual enlightenment before he asks. The best time to explain sexual processes naturally and harmlessly to the child is between the ages of about five and twelve years. Thus far, not a single case has been reported where a child was harmed by truthful answers to his sexual questions. On the contrary, the child having gained confidence in his parents becomes inwardly free and remains pure and innocent. But once parents use a sexual lie they lose the strongest and most important contact with their child. They will no longer be able to find the right time for enlightenment. From then on the child will gain his knowledge furtively, from other sources, mostly harmful ones. One day little Paul came to his mother and said: "Listen, mother, that stuff about the stork and about Santa Claus isn't true, so all that about God can't be true either." You will ask now: "Are we then to rob the child of the Christmas poetry when the supernatural, the marvelous, is such a necessary element of childish imagination?" The parents can be asked in return: "Must one rob the child of poetry? Can one not combine it with truth-all according to one's religious standpoint?" One might tell the Christian child: "Christmas is the birthday of our Saviour, and all of us think of Him on this day with a believing, grateful heart. We feel as though His spirit comes to us from the heavens to fill us with happiness and joy; and we call that

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Christ's coming to us. And the birthday presents which are meant for Him are given to His favorites, the children. We pretend that St. Nicholas gives these presents away. St. Nicholas died about 1600'yearsago, and his name after centuries has become known as 'Santa Claus.' " The imaginative power of the child is not curtailed thereby and finds its smooth transition to religion. Families of other beliefs can adapt this explanation in accordance with their views. How anti-religious families and atheists are to meet this question I do not know unless it be by re-examining their position and finding it untenable. Also in his later questions about the soul, death and immortality, our mystic concepts, disguised in poetic phantasies, can satisfy the child and make him happy . The author would like to offer two examples picked at random, exactly as they were filed.
CASE I

A twelve year old girl, Barbara, was brought to me by her parents on the occasion of her first menstruation. The parents were not capable of explaining to the shocked child even this normal happening. (It is not the biological and anatomical facts, but the manner of their presentation to a very naiue child, to which I would draw your attention in the following discussion):
I: "Listen Barbaral You do not need to be frightened or ashamed that blood flowed from you today. It is entirely normal and is a sign that you are growing from your childhood to adolescence." Barbara: "Where does the blood come from?" I: "Inside you. Under and behind your stomach lies an organ, which looks like a pear and is called the uterus. The uterus is a

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hollow organ, covered inside with a red, moist skin. When you become a young woman this moist skin renews every four weeks, while the old skin is pushed off. If the skin is torn away from the inner wall of the uterus, then inevitably blood vessels break and that causes the blood, which is what you have seen today. It will flow out of your uterus for several days; this period is called: menstruation." Barbara: "Only girls menstruate?" I: "Of course I Boys have no uterus." Barbara: "Why do only girls have uteruses?" I: "Only women give birth to children, and the uterus is where the babies develop." Barbara: (astonished) "Oh! Not .•. ?" Then she stopped. I: ''Where did you think children came from?" But Barbara, embarrassed, refused to answer. Even though she was nearly twelve years of age she still, apparently, believed the stork story. Barbara: (after a pause) "Did I come out of my mother's uterus?" I: "Certainly! As your future children will come out of your uterus." Barbara: "My future children? .•• But when do they come out?" I: "After you have married. But for today you have learned enough. Come to me tomorrow at the same time." The following day Barbara came and started the conversation with the following accusation: Barbara: "Yesterday evening I spoke with my friend Jacky. I told her what you told me. But she said that is not true. Her sister got a child without being married." I: "Now listen, Barbara. Is that book which you have in your hands yours?" Barbara: "Yes! Dad gave it to me." I: "Therefore you are the 'legitimate' owner of this book. The word legitimate means that you have the right to keep this book. But if you had stolen it from a friend you would have the book illegitimately, you would have done wrong, against the law, mor-

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ality and religion. The same is the case in getting a child without marriage. This child is called a child of unmarried parents." Barbara: "Ohl I understandl Jacky told me it was a terrible scene with her parents when they found out about her sister. And her father accused her of being immoral ... " After a pause she asked: "But how does a baby come into the ••• " I: "Uterus. I will tell you. You don't have to remember all these strange names unless you want to. On both sides of this uterus where a baby develops are two other organs that look like flattened hens' eggs and are called 'ovaries.' Inside these ovaries are thousands of little human egg cells. Before you began to menstruate, as you did just now, the egg cells stayed in the ovaries. But now that you are no longer a child, now that you have entered 'puberty,' as we call growing up, one egg cell will leave the ovary every month. One month the egg cell will come from the left and the next month from the right. As soon as it leaves the ovary it is sucked into a nearby tube that leads to the top of the pear-shaped uterus. We call these egg cells by the same name the Romans used, 'ovum' or 'ova.' And when an ovum leaves the ovary we call that time ovulation. "Since you aren't married and won't be for several years, that egg won't develop into a baby. It stays in the uterus for two weeks and then when you menstruate, it flows out along with the skin and blood of the uterus. "But when your future husband puts a cell from himself into your uterus it will combine with your egg cell and the two will grow into four, the four into eight, and so on until thousands and millions develop into the body of your baby. It takes nine months for that baby to grow big enough to live by himself. Then he travels out of the uterus, down another big tube called the vagina and out into the world." Here we stopped. The next day, when Barbara came to me I had to repeat to her only what we had discussed so far. Strangely enough she did not ask me about the other cell, which a man has to give her. Nor did she show any interest in the male sex organs. And

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-as a rule-I never tell children more than they ask me about sex. Months later she came to me again and asked about the origin of the male sex cells. After my talks with Barbara she changed from a shy, timid, introverted, tense child into a vivid, self-reliant, relaxed young woman, undisturbed by hidden sex problems and better adapted to handle them correctly and decently than other girls and boys of her age.

CASE II

A physician brought his fourteen year old son Martin to me, to be informed about the principles of sex. Obviously he was bothered with such problems, which had induced daydreaming and made him a poor student. I will give you my discussions with him, each lasting about half an hour, over a period of several days.
I told Martin about our instincts and said that humans needed to learn to know their impulses in order to master them. Certain impulses ought not to awaken too soon, as for instance, the sex impulse, otherwise it would be very hard to repress it until the time came for its fulfillment. "What is that, the sex impulse?" he asked. And I replied: "Each part of your body, however small, is driving toward the fulfillment of its particular task; the stomach cells have to absorb and convert food, the blood cells have to provide the whole body with these food stuffs and so on. Among the most important cells are the germ cells; these likewise long for relieving activity, and this longing of theirs is called the sex impulse." "But what kind of work do these ceUsdo?" "The most difficult and the most wonderful. These germ cells have to build up and sustain the entire man as he lives and breathes. From such a tiny germ cell in you, invisible to the naked

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eye, perhaps some day there will develop another Martin, With your head, your behavior, your way of talking and thinking, in short, another edition of yourself." Martin was round-eyed. "But how can the germ cell do that?" he asked. "Alone it can't accomplish it. First it has to unite with another, strange cell, and the two together will urge each other on to develop new cells, again and again, until at last they make, out of all these millions of cells, a human baby able to live outside its mother's body." "Where does the germ cell find this second cell)" "In the body of a female creature." "But how does it get in there?" "To learn that, you must first know how and in which organs the male and female cells are formed, and the way that nature has provided for them to get to one another." First I explained, in the same way as I did with Barbara, the physiology of the female reproductive organs and the processes for which they are designed. I followed with this explanation of the male reproductive organs: "You have organs which are 10 some ways like a girl's, but differ in other ways. You, also, have two egg-shaped organs which produce cells, but instead of lying inside your body as a girl's do, yours hang outside in a sack called the scrotum. We call your two egg-making organs the testicles, and the cells they produce, the sperm cells, sex cells, or germ cells. "When you grow up from a child to a man (we call that puberty) your sperm cells become able to pass through a series of tubes out through the penis. These sperm cells are built for one purpose only, to combine with a woman's egg cell and produce a baby. The woman's egg cell is living in her uterus waiting to be met by a man's sperm cell. The path to her uterus is through a channel called the 'vagina' which is made to take in your penis when it is erected stiff and large, and to let your sperm cells flow directly to meet her egg cell. "But if your sperm cells are weak as they are in a child, they haven't the strength to get all the way to the ovum, for in propor-

SEX PERFECTION AND MARITAL HAPPINESS

tion to their size, the distance within the uterus is as great as the distance for you from Canada to Mexico. Yet these tiny germ cells can cover that whole distance in less than half an hour if they are ripe and healthy. This is a precious, wonderful possession you have in your germ cells." Then, disturbed, the child stammered: "But doctor, if these germ cells Bow out of me-I mean,-during the night, while I am sleeping-" "Or with your help," I continued. Embarrassed, he looked at me. But, when he saw that I accepted this idea as calmly as any other, he relaxed and began to cry: "I don't know why, but I can't resist," he confessed. Then he blew his nose and went on, '''1 try so hard. Do you really think God will punish me? Will I become sick or insane?" 1 drew him toward me, and he sat down by my knee. 1 put my hand on his head and stroked it, "No, Martin," I said, "I do not believe so. 1 know, it is really hard. If a jug has too much milk in it, it has to overflow. You are at a time in your life in which an abundance of such little germ cells are produced in your testicles. You do not need to force them out, they will discharge themselves during the night while you are sleeping. And if you force them out too often, by what we call masturbation, you give the cells which build these germ cells no rest or leisure. You drive them to ceaseless work and so exhaust them. "But besides this, Martin, a boy can torture himself by too frequent masturbation. Every handling of the sex organs drives out, from every cell of the body, radiations which, if they cannot flow out from the body, only serve to tense it more and more. This tension produces fear. You feel as if you were in a prison. You become terrified, not knowing what has happened to you. "On the other hand, it is true that masturbation brings a great temporary relaxation from the pressure of the germ cells in the testicles. This relaxation gives one an immense feeling of satisfaction. And that is where one is led to make a big mistake. Not knowing that masturbation relaxes only his sex organs, while it tenses him more in his whole body, a person can find himself in a terrible conflict. In his desire for this delightful satisfaction he is

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driven, in spite of all threats, to more masturbation. Then, not only does he suffer afterwards from feelings of guilt for his disobedience, but he feels miserable on account of the increased tension in his whole body actuaIly brought on by the masturbation." Martin, absorbed in thought, was silent for quite a while. Then he looked at me and said: "Doctor, now I understand. But can I ask one more question? "What makes my penis sometimes so strong and hard?" he slowly brought forth. "Martin, the penis is, perhaps, the most complicated organ In the human body. It is made up of celIs like those in a sponge squeezed dry, but when the blood flows into the penis the blood vessels are fiIled and they sweIl against the hard walls. This greatly enlarged and hardened penis is then able to penetrate the vagina completely and send its sperm cells into the uterus." "But when does this happen, the blood rushing into the blood vessels? Mostly my penis is small and weak," said Martin. "You know very well, Martin, one method through which your penis becomes erected. When you touch it you excite its nerves. When they are stimulated in this way the nerves extend the muscles of the blood vessels and the blood rushes in. If the nerves calm down, the dilated muscles of the blood vessels relax, the blood can now flow out and the penis becomes small again." "Do girls have penises also?" "Yes, they have. It is in front of the entrance to the vagina and is called the clitoris. But it is smaller than a part of your little finger. A girl does not really need a penis, for she has the vagina instead, through which your penis goes to bring her a baby. But this should happen only when you are a grown man and this girl is your wife and the future mother of your children." The results of these talks with Martin were as successful as those with Barbara. When sex matters are explained to children, teachers and parents acknowledge great change for the better. The children become happy and relaxed. As already observed, the fear

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of worried parents that knowledge of sex matters, even when given in a decent way, can endanger the "innocence" of children has no foundation in practice. Again we have to ask the parents: Why should every sex act be regarded as "unclean?" That is the worst prejudice of civilization. The sex organs themselves are not unclean, being composed of the same kind of cells as are our other organs. The secretions of the sex glands our most valuable glandular product, are not unclean. The only unclean thing about sex is the spirit in which it is used or, rather, abused. Every sex act performed in a spirit of lasciviousness is dirty, and therefore sinful; the same act, performed as an expression of a profound love, is beautiful and therefore holy. If parents would themselves grow up to such a conception they could speak with their children without embarrassment about sex, they could enable their children to attain the most valuable possession of mankind: love and sexual fulfillment.

In addition to the other examples of how to talk to children about sex, the author would like to present excerpts from lectures he gave to advanced high-school pupils. After discussing the organs of sex, he continued:
But all this knowledge of the anatomy and physiology of the sex organs still does not enable us to answer the question: What is sex? This question may at first seem ridiculous; most people assume that they know what sex is, but so far even the greatest sexologists have failed to answer it satisfactorily. To say that the sex impulse is an instinctive attraction between male and female would not fit the facts. for instance. of homosexuality (the love between two members of the same sex) ; or of narcissism. (the love of a person for himself) . To assert that the

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I

sex instinct arises from the function of the sex organs would -b~ meaningless with respect to fetichism, (love for a certain part of the human body not belonging to the sex organs). Yet all of these manifestations are aspects of sexuality. What then is sex? What is this power which gives shape and form to our surrounding world, delight and pleasure to our inner life; this mysterious power which is exalted in the arts and sciences and debased in perversions; this power which not only evokes gratitude and bliss, but hatred and contempt, shame and disgust? What is the nature of this force which sometimes brings highest pleasure and, at other times, the deepest emotional conflicts known to the creatures of earth? What evokes this power, and of what does it consist? To bring us nearer to the answer we have to be acquainted with some discoveries in different branches of science, which reveal other important factors in our problem. Woman, as we know, is different from man, not only in her sex organs, in her figure, her smaller hands and feet, the structure of her breasts and pelvis, the growth of her hair, and the pitch of her voice-which is exactly one octave higher than man's=but also in her emotional life. What causes this difference? It lies in the inner structure of the myriad cells of the human body. Every single cell in an individual is, in itself, sex determined -is male or female. The sex factor is not restricted to the sex organs alone but is an important attribute of every one of the innumerable billions of the body's cells. What constitutes this sex difference in, for instance, a cell in the liver, a skin cell, a muscle, or nerve cell and so on? How can we know whether this single, little cell is male or female? . Before we can answer this question we must go back to the composition of these cells, some of which are so tiny as to be invisible to the naked eye. To describe one of them as a thousandth or a millionth of an inch in length would not give us a vivid picture of its tinyness. Let us try to picture its size in another way. Suppose we put a

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small piece of carbon on a white, china plate and cut it into parts until we could scarcely see the specks even though they were black on white. Those specks would be much larger than cells. Then if we took a mallet and crushed those specks until the particles of the fine powder could no longer be distinguished on the white background, we would have carbon about the size of our bodily cells. Put one of these bits under a powerful microscope and it could be seen, even as our cells can be seen and studied. Of what does such a tiny cell consist? Of protoplasm, held together by a fine membrane. Within this protoplasm is a nucleus. Every one of our bodily cells, (with the exception of the red blood cells) has in the center of its protoplasm such a nucleus. This nucleus contains extremely fine threads. which science has called ..chromosomes ...• Now stop for a moment and think this over again I Take for instance a male sex cell of a human being, called sperm cell. The smallest dust particle is a mountain by comparison. But even this invisible substance is not solid. Far away from its surface lies a nucleus. Within this nucleus swim the chromosomes with all the characteristic building materials of father. mother, grandparents and backwards, including all the person's ancestors for thousands or even millions of years to the origin of animal life. How is it possible that an incomprehensibly small fragment of an invisible cell can contain all this? This smallness in the structure of a cell, the microcosm, is as miraculous as the infinitude of the solar system. the macrocosm. And both are built according to the same principles. Every animal. including man, has a certain number of chromosomes in every nucleus of his bodily cells; this number is characteristic for his species. Furthermore it is notable that each male cell contains one less fully developed chromosome than does the female cell of the same species. By examining the number of chromosomes from one single invisible cell it can be determined
·Ev~ry chromosome contains innumerable minute particle called "genes." Ev~ry one of these gene bears a certain inherited quality of our ancestors.

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from what species of animal or human being it derived and of what sex. A man has forty-seven well built chromosomes plus a rudimentary chromosome, (called Y chromosome) .If this rudimentary Y chromosome is fully developed, then it is called X chromosome and has the power to build the whole body of a person in a female direction. Through the influence of the two X chromosomes the female sex organs develop. Without the presence of the second X chromosome the male organs develop. We know that a female possesses forty-eight chromosomes in the nucleus of every cell in her body, with the exception of only one of her innumerable billions of cells: the matured egg cell. Several hundreds of thousands of potential unmatured egg cells are in each of the two ovaries. When a girl passes through the state of puberty it becomes normal, once every twenty-eight days, for one of the sex cells in one of her ovaries (one month in the right ovary, the next month in the left one) to divide in two equal parts, each new cell containing only twenty-four chromosomes. This process is called ovulation. While one of these matured egg cells perishes, the other, with Its twenty-four chromosomes, penetrates through the surface of the ovary and travels through the Fallopian tube into the uterus. If, after two days it does not meet with an oncoming, male sex cell, the sperm cell, it perishes. The male sex cells in the testicles (the sperm cells) also divide into two parts when they begin to mature-that means at the time of puberty. But since these sperm cells possess only fortyseven fully developed chromosomes, an odd number, they must divide unequally, that is, into one group containing twenty-four chromosomes and one of twenty-three chromosomes. But while only one female matured egg cell exists during two days in four weeks, the matured sperm cells are produced in innumerable quantities continuously. Why does nature trouble at all with this division of the chromosomes in the sex cells of an organism? The reason is logical. If the

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chromosomes of both the sperm and the egg cell did not lose half their number before ripening into germ cells, the body cells of the child, resulting from their union, would combine all the chromosomes of both parents, and so contain ninety-five chromosomes, a number which does not belong to the human organism. During a sex union about 200 million sperm cells are propelled through the penis to the vagina, and from there, if the intercourse takes place just during the two days in which a living egg cell is present, when the mucous secretion of the passage is hospitable, many of these sperm cells travel into the uterus toward the egg cell. Immediately the race begins. Sperm cells travel at the rate of one inch per seven minutes. The first sperm cell to reach the egg, combines with it and immediately a skin surface is built, preventing the other oncoming sperm cells from entering. In so far as one half of the sperm cells in this race contain twenty-four large chromosomes, and the other half contain only twenty-three, their chances are equal. If an egg cell with its twenty-four chromosomes unites with a sperm cell also containing twenty-four chromosomes, a female embryo results; because the cells of a female possess forty-eight chromosomes. But if the egg cell, with its twentyfour chromosomes, unites with a sperm cell with twenty-three chromosomes, the resultant sex cell will have only forty-seven large chromosomes and, as a consequence, will produce a male embryo.· The two sex cells of the parents develop into the bodily cells of their children. That means our whole organism is composed of sex cells, derived from only two little invisible sex cells after innumerable divisions. Therefore every cell of our body is In reality a sex cell, male or female, through the presence of a Y or X chromosome. What is the amazing power within this invisible tiny X chromosome that enables it to determine sex? Beauty, an ideal figure, gracefulness, charm and gentleness in a woman depends on her X chromosomes. Wherein lies the power of this chromosome?
·If two sperm cells reach the egg cell simultaneously produced. then twins an:

TALKING TO CHILDREN

ABOUT SEX

In its capacity to influence the production of female hormones. We have still to go over another branch of biology, the "hormones." The more this science develops, and it is being developed rapidly today, the more varied and surprising are the aspects it presents. Knowledge of the findings of scientists in this field is essential to a clear understanding of our own nature, as well as of the sexual process, feelings and instincts. To begin with some well known facts: Certain glands of our body excrete a clear liquid; not outwardly, like the secretory glands; not into large cavities of the body, like gaIl; but directly into the blood stream. We call these ductless glands endocrines. The liquids comprising the excretions of these glands are called hormones (from the Greek horman, to incite). The following deductions will show that this name is fully justified; hormones influence and often stimulate our whole mental life, both conscious and unconscious. Hormones are especially secreted by the thyroid, the thymus, the suprarenal, the pituitary, the pineal and the sex glands. An extract of the hormone of the thyroid gland can sometimes restore an idiot child to normality; a few drops from the pituitary gland can stimulate an individual to uncontrollable pugnacity; a few more drops from the suprarenal glands can change a person's sex and character, producing disobedience, lying, wandering. The removal of the pineal gland changed a little boy to a man with pubic hair and beard and a deep voice, and sex organs developed rapidly. Through some growths of the suprarenal glands women cease to menstruate, a beard grows, the breasts atrophy. and the voice becomes deeper. The sex organs (ovaries and testicles) have a twofold task: the production of (1) animating sex hormones and (2) procreative cells (egg cells or sperm cells) . To appreciate the effect of the sex glands on our mental and physical life, we observe what happens when they are removed by castration. When the germ glands of a bullock are removed he becomes an ox; the stallion becomes a gelding; the cock. a capon. All these animals. deprived of their sex glands. change their pug-

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nacious, often even dangerously wild character and become placid, indolent and completely indifferent to females. They grow fat and their meat tastes quite different from that of the uncastrated animals whose meat is unpalatable or even unfit to eat. The effect of castration varies in direct ratio to the youth of the subject and the thoroughness of the operation. If completed before puberty it results in the extinction of the sex impulse and failure of the sex characteristics. In a male castrated at this time the beard does not develop, the vocal cords remain infantile, the voice remains at a womanly pitch, the intelligence declines and the boy never matures to manhood. But he will grow unusually tall, because ossification in the growth-zone of spongy bones is retarded and they continue growing. The formation of the breasts and fat deposits become feminine. A sort of natural castration is brought about by old age. The sex glands do not disappear, but they become ineffective, as the hormone secretion slowly decreases. The sex pattern changes; men's voices become high-pitched, their breasts develop. Women 'on the other hand, following the climacteric, develop in a more masculine direction, showing sometimes a growth of facial hair, a deepening of the voice, and so on. These observations gave rise to the deduction that, since the hormone.forming cells in the sex glands are responsible for all these remarkable changes, a castrated creature would revert to normal, if a suitable healthy sex gland were transplanted to its body so that it could again produce the all-influencing hormones. This hypothesis has been substantiated by many transplantation experiments. Sex glands removed from animals or humans have been transplanted to castrated beings and allowed to heal up. A capon, thus treated, will start to crow again as soon as hormone secretion begins; its comb redevelops and the characteristic treading motions of the cock reappear; wild and jealous fighting over hens flares up again. In like manner, the ox reverts to a bullock; and other animals, experimented on, have reassumed the appearance and the behavior of the uncastrated of the species. In October, 1918, a twenty-nine year old soldier was brought to

TALKING TO CHILDREN ABOUT SEX

Dr. Robert Lichtenstern in Vienna. During the war, this soldier had suffered a serious injury to his sex glands which necessitated their removal, and he had developed both the appearance and the behavior of a castrated person. He lost his beard; fat developed, he became indifferent, listless, dull. He was neither inclined nor fit to work. His sexual faculties disappeared. He lived like an animal, dully brooding, without any occupation or interests, leading an existence unworthy of a human being. Then the testis of a healthy man of forty was implanted in his body. As soon as the wound healed and the sex hormones began to work, the soldier became well and active. His interest in life revived, hair and beard grew, women excited his passion, and soon afterwards he married, He became a successful business man living a normal life in complete health and vigor. Many other cases of a similar nature showed the same results. Furthermore, the operations of castration and transplantation can be repeated alternately innumerable times and always with the same success. All this proves the fact that the poorer a person's celIs are in hormones, the more listless, weak and unable to work the individual becomes and the less attractive to the opposite sex. Body and spirit waste slowly away. Obversely, the more an individual's cells are animated by hormones, the more active and lively is their owner. Indeed it is only through the influence of hormones that we can experience enthusiasm, love and inspiration. So far we have seen that through the influence of the fortyeighth chromosome, the X chromosome, a human being produces female hormones, while through a rudimentary forty-eighth chromosome, the Y chromosome, male hormones develop. The science of physics as it relates to organic electricity, could take us a great step forwards toward understanding the attraction between male and female, as I will tell you at our next meeting. (Chapter VI will deal with this subject) .

CHAPTER

IV

The Problem of Masturbation

MASTURBATION CANNOTe regarded as a perversion. b According to estimates made by investigators in this field, masturbation is practiced by 90 per cent of children all over the world; it is also practiced, more or less occasionally, by about 70 per cent of adults-a group which includes both married couples and elderly persons. Most of the remaining 10 per cent of the children who have never masturbated turn out to be neurotics, perverts or sufferers from impotence or frigidity. That college students of both sexes have to struggle with the problem of masturbation is indicated by the following occurrence at the University of California. In a discussion with a leading personality of the University my urgent request that sex education be introduced was rejected on the ground that students after the age of eighteen do not require such instruction. Nevertheless, on February 28, 1939, the author was called by the University of California Extension Division to speak about masturbation before teachers and child educators. The discussion following the lecture disclosed that a large number of the audience were opposed to any rational consideration of the problem and unwilling to make any effort to overcome the ignorance, prejudice and disgust commonly felt concerning it. How can such teachers be of any help to the unfortunate children in their care? A few days later, a professor of the University announced a

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lecture on this subject to take place on March 5, 1939, on the campus in Berkeley, before students of both sexes. Many members of the faculty were shocked. Some thought it a ridiculous assumption that masturbation could interest college students-adults. Counting on a very limited audience, the authorities assigned the lecturer a small room. Long before the time announced the room was already overcrowded and the lecture had to be transferred to larger quarters. But soon the second hall also was full. The lecture was finally held in the large auditorium, and even then it was necessary for the police to close the doors. The hall, seating over 2,000, was filled to capacity and overflowing. But a crowd of men and women students, seeking admission, broke through the police lines, and adjoining rooms were equipped with loud speakers to enable this additional throng to hear the lecture. What does such a degree of interest in this subject prove? That "well-informed" college students want knowledge about it. Opponents of these lectures argued that three-fourths of the audience were there out of curiosity and a flair for the sensational. But even this would indicate a wish to learn something concerning sex matters. I was present at this lecture and the urgent desire of these young people to receive reliable answers to their questions was demonstrated beyond a doubt. Their eagerness proved that neither the information provided by their parents and teachers, nor discussions among themselves, nor any obtainable literature on sex had fully satisfied their yearning for knowledge concerning masturbation. If we consider the amount of effort expended by parents, by society and by the church to cope with this "crime," which still retains its predominant position among sex taboos, if we consider the violent opposition to masturbation, then, in the light of the statistics just quoted concerning its prevalence, it becomes obvious that the best efforts of parents, society and

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the church to repress this sexual practice have been futile. They cannot hope to succeed as long as they continue to make two incompatible demands of the children: first, dominate your urgent impulses; second, remain ignorant of the real nature of these impulses. In short, the opponents of the practice of masturbation ask of children a superhuman task; namely, to conquer, without any help, one of the strongest of our instincts, the sex instinct, at the moment of its most overwhelming strength-the time of puberty. Adults, enjoying a normal sex fulfillment with a decreasing output of sex hormones, have entirely forgotten the torturing tension of youth's sex organs. Satiated people cannot imagine the sensation of hunger. To quote, in part, a letter from a twenty-one year old college student: "... The tragedy of sex.... All my experiences of late are concerned with this scourge.... I spent a horrible night with a prostitute. As inexorable as was the urge was my repugnance afterwards. Bodily misery was followed by mental agony.... Sexual desire rears its head again and again .... I struggle against the powers of temptation in vain. I am driven again to masturbate;-afterwardsinescapable emptiness, repugnance, despair! ... " Thus a young man cries out; thus suffer legions of his fellows. And thus, too, suffer innumerable young girls. After centuries of failure, society's methods of combatting masturbation remain the same: the instillment of fear, threats, punishments; and with the same futile results, as the statistics prove. But these methods are not merely ineffectual; they also have disastrous consequences. as well to the obedient as to the disobedient children. Methods to solve this problem have been discussed ad nauseam. Can anything new be said about masturbation? Perhaps.

THE PROBLEM

OF MASTURBATION

If we face facts and deal with them as scientifically as possible, something new may appear. As in the matter of sex union, so also in the question of masturbation, findings in the realm of physics may help. According to the Bible (Deut. 25:5-10) an old custom in Judea required that when a man died his unmarried brother should marry the widow. This is called levirate marriage. In Genesis 38:8-10 we read how Onan, the son of Judas, in order to evade this duty, did not complete the sex act with his brother's widow but withdrew and spilled his semen on the ground. Thus sexual satisfaction without the sex union came to be called Onanism, although we now more frequently use the word masturbation. Onan was punished with death, an indication of how ancient is the horror toward this act. The revulsion against masturbation, as either a reprehensible, a sinful or a dangerous sexual. activity, is deep-seated. To reach an objective opinion about this question we have, first of all, to make it clear that there are different kinds of masturbation among children of both sexes, occurring at different periods. There is masturbation before and after puberty; among boys first without, then with, the discharge of sperm cells. Girls masturbate at both periods by friction of the clitoris, labia or vagina. Masturbation can be performed by children separately or mutually. Mutual masturbation among adults is considered a homosexual practice. What provokes desire in children for friction of the sex organs? It arises normally with the production of sex hormones, which is especially strong in the periods of sex development. The sex hormones stimulate the production of sperm cells in the testicles. The tension in these organs, induced by the increase in the number of sperm cells, is a further source of the desire in boys to get rid of this local pressure through the discharge of their semen.

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But sex hormones can also be produced prematurely. This may happen. for instance. from too vivid sensations. startling impressions and great excitement. such as dramatic scenes between parents. or early sexual experience. The production of sex hormones stimulates the development of sex cells (the immature egg cells in the ovaries. or the sperm cells in the testicles) ; it irritates the nerves leading to these organs and fills the many little glands around the sex organs with liquid. until they strain under the tension and violently demand relaxation. like urine in a full bladder. To get rid of the tension in the whole body a child is driven. more or less unconsciously. to seek bodily contact with adults. mostly with one of the parents. The love of such a child is based on the need of bodily relaxation. An infant begins to cry and becomes restless until the mother fondles him. whereupon he immediately calms down. A little devil of a child will become obedient and happy if the mother takes him into bed with her. or even strokes his hair or body softly. thus relieving him of his tension. Nevertheless. the local tension in the sex region remains. The irritation produced in the sex organs. together with the tension in the different glands around the sex organs. drives children to manipulate this region of their bodies until a local relaxation is achieved through a discharge in the glands. This tension is usually abated in one of two ways: either self-induced friction by the child. or-according to the customs of certain primitive peoples-old women quietly lay their hands on the testicles of little boys and old men on the vulvas of little girls. holding them thus for some time. Similar practices were noted by Professor Malinowsky among the Melanesian people in the Trobriand Islands. The relaxing effect on the children produced by these "sex educators" was more satisfactory than masturbation by the child. Why? Because every irritation of the sex organs. whether di-

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rect or indirect, increases the tension of the body. Children cannot diminish their bodily tension by masturbation, because the palms of their hands and their sex organs do not differ in the quality of their radiations; this we will discuss later. From this we may derive one very important conclusion: if the masturbatory play with the sex organs brings about a quick discharge of the sperm cells in a boy, or of the contents of the glands in a girl, then local relaxation is achieved without relaxing the irritating tension in the body and .this drives many children to an early repetition of the masturbatory act. But, because new semen in boys is not produced immediately, the succeeding masturbation must go on for a still longer time before discharge takes place; this longer and stronger irritation of the sex organs increases the tension. A vicious circle is thus established and the child becomes the victim of a false hope. This can be avoided if the child is taught to understand his mechanism. In the opinion of some tribes of Central Africa, masturbation taught by an elder of the opposite sex is an important developmental factor in the life of a child. Because masturbation of this kind is permitted and even enjoined, as part of sacred taboos, reactions of repugnance, depression or guilt feelings are unknown among these children. They become relaxed, satisfied and happy, and thus are able to develop undisturbed by emotional conflicts. Among the Melanesian Islanders, where often a highly developed, ancient culture exists, this training is considered most important; they look upon it as preparation for future happiness in the love life of their children. A girl who is incapable of attaining a strong, releasing orgasm in sexual intercourse with her partner, or who has not learned to abandon her immature sensations in the clitoris in favor of the awakening, matured feeling in the vagina, would

SEX PERFECTION AND MARITAL HAPPINESS

lose all hope of marrying, as she would be considered inferior." The Melanesians are certain that children whose sex impulses are not correctly developed can never become experts in love. However strongly western opinion may repudiate the practices this doctrine entails, we are obliged to admit that nowhere on earth do we find a happier love life than among these island peoples. Instead of becoming depraved as most moralists would expect, we are reliably informed that their children are a healthy, happy lot, normally shy, occupied with their dolls and their games-indistinguishable, in short, from "innocent" children. But the primitive peoples of the South Sea Islands are not the only ones whose example should tend to correct our prejudice against masturbation in childhood. Among civilized peoples also, in China, in India, even in that venerable cradle of Western culture that was ancient Greece, the cultivation of sex life has been accorded an important and sacred role. . Experience demonstrates that children who have not masturbated have small chance of becoming artists in their later love life. It would seem therefore, that the damage done by masturbation does not arise from the effect of such action on the sex organs of the child, but from fears implanted in him of its injurious consequences. If a child is constantly threatened with falling ill, going to pieces intellectually, committing sin,
·Dr. Robert Dickinson fears that this advice might beget frustration: "Clitoris orgasm in coitus is more common than vaginal and quite as strong." Certainly, he is right. But this frustration exists only temporarily until the woman has learned to change the place of concentration from the clitoris to the vagina. That an orgasm of the clitoris can be as strong as that of the vagma may be true. But the local relaxation of the clitoris makes the supreme relaxation of the whole organism in a sex union impossible, as chapters VI and VII will explain. There are different degrees of sex satisfaction ranging from slight to ecstatic pleasure. Nobody can become a master in any field without training and patience. The same rules apply to those who wish to obtain the highest degree of sex satisfaction, especially where a woman has first to repress an old habit: the clitoris sensation.

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73 or being punished (even threatened with castration or becoming insane), he experiences terrible inner conflicts. If, however, instinct is stronger than fear and the child does masturbate-for he knows of no other way to rid himself of the accumulated tension of his sex substances which often cannot find a natural outlet in "wet dreams"-masturbation then causesthe most serious damage. Feelings of guilt are connected with sexual activity, fears of being caught, with all the consequences, connect themselves in his nerve paths sometimes to such an extent that the child-this is especially true of girls -is prone, later on, to feel that every sexual intercourse is a forbidden activity. Thus such children are liable to fail in married life, not on account of masturbation, but because of their mental disturbances. If fear overwhelms the sexual instinct and the child does not masturbate, one of two consequences may ensue. Through constant restraint of the nerves in the sex organs, sexual development may be disturbed. These children, when they become adults, cannot attain complete sexual desire and their sexual sensation is impaired. With the others, the struggle between wish and compulsion becomes so unbearable that these victims of a false education see no other way out than to £lee into a latent or manifest perversion. These children become neurotics or perverts. Parents, or prospective parents, should consider the disastrous consequences of the usual methods employed to break children of what are commonly called "unhealthy sex practices." The parents themselveswill not see these consequences in their children; for, in correcting them, they have raised a barrier and their children are no longer frank with them. But psychologistssee these consequences and can tell them. The vast army of neurotics who come to us with their fears, their inferiority complexes, their depressions and suicidal intentions, induced by avoiding, denying, and despising their sex

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impulses to the point of frigidity and impotence-almost all are victims of the mistaken attitude toward masturbation. Again we ask: How can we expect children at the time of puberty, when they are harassed by sex forces, to master their impulses, unless they are given a clear understanding of these instincts and how to deal with them? Admonitions and threats only drive children to seek a secret outlet, make them cowardly, tricky, dishonest, deceitful, and create dangerous conflicts within them. Whoever among educators is still of the opinion that not only early sex activity, but the mere explanation of things endangers "the purity and innocence of children," should study the behavior of children in other lands. Although these children know more about sex in theory and practice than many adults in civilized countries, they are-I repeat-more childlike and joyful, more pure and innocent, more harmonious, happy and relaxed, than most of our children. Innocent all children remain, who never are burdened with guilt. Only parents and teachers, with their attitude toward sex, render the little ones guilty. This does not mean that the author has no objections against masturbation. I have some very important objections. But before offering them it is necessary to break down the readers' fears and overcome their horror of this sex taboo. What, then, are the objections to masturbation? There are three: First, from what has been said earlier, it is obvious that, although masturbation is locally relaxing, too much masturbation has a weakening effect sometimes even an exhausting one. However, excessive masturbation does not occur if the children have had all their questions concerning sex answered in an open-minded and honest way from earliest childhood, and if they have been encouraged in outdoor sports. The sex instincts are dangerous as long as they are not understood and the mounting energy in the growing child has no adequate

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outlet. Excessive masturbation (several times a day) is often a child's desperate effort to protect himself against an unknown enemy, his increasing bodily tension; or it may be an expression of defiance towards his parents, his way of taking revenge on them; or, sometimes, it is the expression of a self-destructive tendency. The second objection against masturbation is that, if selfperformed, it increases bodily tension. The third objection is that, as long as a person masturbates, his sex life remains egocentric, and he remains immature. That the road to adult sex development lies, usually, during puberty, through masturbation of one kind or another is a simple fact. Just as a child has to learn to control his bodily functions during the first three years of his life, so, during puberty, must he try to control increasing pressure in the awakening sex organs. This is a time when children badly need hel p. They need to be calmed down by being led to understand what is going on in them, and why they are so restless and tense. If they learn to control their sex impulses now they will have laid the groundwork for the mastery of the problem of self-control in all its phases throughout their lives. This stormy period at the beginning of sex life is revolutionary in every normal child. Sometimes the production of sex cells in a boy is so prolific that some relaxation or discharge becomes absolutely necessary. But if the flow of the nerve streams to the sex glands is blocked in these young people by sex taboos imposed by parents and educators, the undisturbed production of sex cells in them is arrested, as well as other essential products of these glands, the sex hormones; and the children become weak, morose, depressed or neurotic. Thus afflicted, obstacles bar their way to a healthy, satisfactory, mature marital life. If, along with proper sex education, educators will teach the children in their care how to sublimate their abundant sex

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energy, they will have fulfilled their task and can safely leave the young people to solve the masturbation problem without interference. There remains the question: Is masturbation dangerous? What danger there is in the practice does not arise from the loss of semen, or other secretions of the sex glands, if not exhausted too frequently, but from the emotional conflicts which the sex taboo excites around it, and their disturbing effect on both intellectual and physical activities. By reason of these conflicts many children lose their religious beliefs, become agnostics or atheists, and soon find themselves without inner or outer guidance, adrift in a complex world, either confused and unhappy, or rudderless and frivolous. To sum up the measures I would recommend for dealing with the problem of masturbation: First, I advocate education in self control-this to be accomplished by teaching the nature and function of the essential sex occurrences, but never by threats and punishments, which only serve to instill feelings of fear, guilt and sin. Second, I affirm that a child has to learn through mistakes; let him make his own experiments. As soon as he understands the real nature and cause of his tension, let him alone. Armed by knowledge, he no longer will be disturbed by the turmoil of puberty and will find out by himself the best method for dealing with his problem. The self-determined decision to dominate the sex instinct will make a boy proud of himself and mature him in much the same way as that in which a girl matures by abandoning the sensation of the clitoris. The social relationships between boys and girls during the time of their adolescence will thus become normal and relaxed, their friendships will be conducted in a more decent and understanding manner than is possible among young people who are not free from unsatisfied and therefore furtive sex curiosity. Enforced sex prohibitions leave the children who

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obey them immature and neurotic, and drive the children who disobey them to obscenity and duplicity. These methods for coping with the problem of masturbation prove more successful in practice than those usually employed by society and by the church.

CHAPTER

The Six Rules of Sex Intercourse

THIS CHAPTER gives the quintessence of more than thirty years' experience. It is the most important part of this book. Success in marriage can depend upon a knowledge of it; ignorance of it can lead to failure, with all its consequences: broken homes, emotional disturbances, juvenile delinquency, disease and crime. For thirty years the author has hesitated to publish his findings because he could not prove them scientifically, even though they worked perfectly in practice. Now, encouraged by some new con. tributions to the problems of love and sex offered by the science of physics, he is emboldened to present certain experiences to his readers, incredible though they may sound. The terms "electricity" or "electrical streams," "positive or negative electricity," and so on, used in this chapter in referring to human sex relations, should be taken as mental pictures rather than literally. The theory of electricity, in matters of sex, is not yet the common property of science. Let us assume that a man has found the right mate: a sexually and emotionally mature person, well attuned to him, who en joys many things in common with him. Such a marriage should be a happy one; nevertheless, it sometimes ends in disaster. Why? In working for marital reconciliation in the courts, as well as in private practice, we have found the main reasons for such failures are mistakes in the couple's sex relations. For, if their sex life no longer satisfies the two partners, their marriage bogs down in ill humor, intolerance, bitterness, friction,

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hostility-expressions of a more or less unconscious resentmentover sex disappointment. Why do a couple suit each other in the beginning and then grow apart, the wife becoming frigid and irritable, and the husband tense and nervous, or even impotent? This sometimes happens in cases in which the mutual love of the two partners still persists. Why? Because the nature of love and sex, and the laws governing their expression, were not understood. In all the text books on anatomy, physiology, psychology and hygiene, thefundamentals of these problems remain as far from solution as they were thousands of years ago. Even the great sexologists, Moll, Kraft-Ebbing, Havelock Ellis, Forel, Marcuse, Lindsey, Hirschfeld, Van de Velde, Rene Guyon, and others, were unable to find an answer to the question: "What is sex?" Says Professor F. A. E. Grew, "One leaves the subject with a feeling of regret that biologists have to leave the nature of sex unexplained." That is undoubtedly why we are unable to find, in any of the books on sex education, a thorough analysis and appraisal of the causes of sexual attraction, the understanding of which can be of such great help in choosing the right marital partner. It accounts also for the fact that we have not found even a mention of certain elements essential to a satisfactory sex union. But unless we discovered the hidden mistakes in the sex life of these couples we could not hope to bring about effective reconciliation. Experience has convinced the author that there is a difference in bio-electrical potential in the bodies of male and female which can be exchanged in a proper intercourse, leaving both partners relaxed, happy and satisfied. But the reader has to keep in mind that, so far, there are no scientific experiments which definitely prove this theory. On the other hand, the supposition has not been disproved.

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Perhaps it would be more prudent on my part, and more acceptable to some of our scientists, to call bio-electrical potential "radiation." But terminology seems to me less important than human relationships. The expression "bio-electrical potential" may actually be something of a figure of speech, but by talking as if it were literally true I have been able to improve the sex relations of innumerable couples. My view is not unlike that of the famous mathematician, Henri Poincare, who, when asked if he believed in the existence of ether, answered: "It does not matter if ether exists or not; the important thing is that all occurrences take place exactly as they would do if ether existed." The conviction that differences in bio-electrical potential exist in male and female bodies and that an exchange between these two types of electricity takes place in proper sex union, was suggested to the author by four events. . 1. The remarkable experiences of an Oriental couple. 2. The study of sex practices and taboos of certain native tribes in different parts of the world. 3. Information furnished by some followers of Karezza. 4. Observation of a neurotic patient.

EVENT

1.

This account of the experiences of the couple in Damascus, mentioned in the foreword of this book, is taken from the author's diary: Damascus, February 6, 1916. In my room in the Victoria Hotel. Dr. A. B., a former patient of my sanitarium. told the following story: "A week ago I married a beautiful young Arabian girl. We were both very much in love. The strange happenings between us were

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so remarkable and so exciting, that I felt impelled to tell them to an expert. "My wife and I lay for an hour, naked on a couch, in close bodily contact, caressing each other; but without sex union. The room was in total darkness, entirely blacked out. You could not distinguish anything. Then we separated from each other and stood up; thereupon my wife became visible. She was outlined with a nimbus of greenish-blue mystic light which radiated from her. It was like a halo, except for the fact that it encircled not only her head but her whole body, showing its configuration in a hazy way.· "As she stood there, I moved my hand slowly toward her. When my palm came within an inch of her breast, an electric spark sprang from her to me, visible, audible and painful. We both shrank back." That was his story. I was filled with surprise. I was acquainted with Reichenbach's theories about "Od rays" radiating from the body; but, like every other scientist at that time, I did not take them seriously. But the case of this couple would be a clear demonstration of their existence-if the young doctor was not the victim of an hallucination. Not less astonishing for me was the electrical aspect of this demonstration. Some fishes, I knew, possess electrical batteries in their bodies; but that human beings could develop different bio-electricity, in amounts sufficient to produce visible sparks between them, seemed to me incredible. I remembered, then, that a hairdresser once told me he could not work on women during their menstrual period because their hair was too heavily loaded with electricity to stay in place. I had paid scant attention to him at the time, but now his statement came back to me with fresh meaning.f Then something else entered my mind: While the embryo
·See page 110. No. 1. tSee page no. No.2.

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is being formed there are three layers of cells: the entoderm (innermost layer), from which the vital organs come; the mesoderm (middle layer), from which the muscles, bones and sinews are derived; and the ectoderm (outer layer) , which forms the skin and nerve tissue. We know that the impulses transmitted by the nervous system are electrical in nature, and that every activity in a nerve is accompanied by changes in the electrical balance. Skin cells have the same origin as nerve cells. Therefore, on thinking over this series of events, it seemed possible that, by lying together, a positive and negative bio-electrical potential had been built up in the skin cells of husband and wife. In the next two weeks this newly married couple most obligingly conducted a series of experiments, reported to me in every detail, which provided the basis for an entirely new conception of the mechanism of sex intercourse . . In the first experiment husband and wife, after lying in close contact for one hour, caressing and kissing each other, had a full sex union, lasting five minutes. Both seemed to attain satisfaction. This, I thought, indicated that during the intercourse the differing bio-electricity in their two bodies had been united and neutralized. Nevertheless, when they stood up and approached each other, sparks again sprang between them, indicating that, while they were momentarily satisfied by orgasm, nonetheless the different "bio-electrical potential" was not removed. A few days later, intercourse again took place. This time it lasted fifteen minutes. Again sparks were visible. The fourth sex union, in this series, lasted for twentyseven minutes. Following this no sparks were exchanged between the lovers. The twenty-seven minute period was the critical factor. Such were Dr. B's reports, inexplicable if true; and I had no reason to doubt him.

TIlE SIX RULES OF SEX INTERCOURSE

During the following weeks this young couple made further experiments on my behalf: They were no less eager than I to discover the true nature of these seemingly important factors in the human sex relation. During the course of these experiments, it was ascertained that if the couple did not lie naked for half an hour or longer, in close physical contact, kissing and caressing, but, instead, started intercourse immediately, the strange radiation did not emanate from the body of the girl; nor did sparks fly between the two lovers when they stood near each other afterwards, even though the sex union lasted less than' the twenty-seven minutes which we had come to think of as necessary to eliminate these phenomena. Further, the lovers found that every intercourse lasting less than twenty-seven minutes induced an urgent desire, in both, for a repetition of the sex act. But, if this desire was fulfilled by another too-brief act, both became nervous and irritated, and sometimes they suffered physical ailments afterwards, (headache, heart-palpitation, asthma, etc.) This seemed to show that the tension in the sex organs was reduced, but not the tension of the entire body. Intercourse for periods of less than twenty-seven minutes increased the distance at which the sparks would jump to more than one inch, indicating that the tension in their bodies became stronger with each intercourse of brief duration. On the other hand, intercourse lasting half an hour or more was followed by entire relaxation from nervous tension; and the desire to repeat the sex act did not renew itself for five or six days, sometimes not for a week; yet the couple's feeling of love toward each other increased and they were extremely happy. Their feelings of relaxation and happiness set in, even after a short intercourse, if the husband did not withdraw his penis from the vagina after his ejaculation but, instead, remained

SEX PERFECTION AND MARITAL HAPPINESS

there for half an hour, even in an unerected state, giving his full and undisturbed attention to the contact. They found that a sex union of half an hour's duration induced deep satisfaction in both for five days; one lasting an hour satisfied them for one week; an intercourse lasting two hours brought contentment for two weeks. This same lasting relaxation was also produced by prolonged bodily contact, without sex relation. One day previous to the onset of the girl's menstruation the sparks, induced by the circumstances described above, became stronger and were released at a distance greater than an inch. I was reasonably certain that this whole series of experiments, if true, represented an unusual case, and that the findings were applicable to this couple only, or to other couples only under special circumstances. I took into account the fact that the humid air, the thick Persian carpets on the floor and the passionate love of these young people for each other offered exceptionally favorable conditions for the occurrence of the phenomena observed. But, in later years, the reports of Dr. A. B. were corroborated by reports of similar experiences by other couples. Many of my scientific friends urged me not to publish my experiences before they had been tested and proved scientifically: otherwise, they warned me I would arouse great opposition. As I have already stated, I followed their advice for more than thirty years, since, if someone else had told me about such occurrences, I could not have helped either doubting his sincerity or believing him the victim of some mistake or hallucination. Even though I knew my experiences to be true and not the result of any mistakes or hallucinations, I realized that it would be advisable to keep silent about such incredible events, inasmuch as my experiments were of such a delicate and private nature that it was not possible to demonstrate them. I recalled the fate of Marco Polo who died under a cloud of

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contempt. Men of his time thought him a fake; nobody believed in the existence of the China he had seen and described. But now, at seventy years of age, anxiety over such skepticism no longer troubles me. I am firmly convinced that, however justified it may seem today, it will disappear, post mortem, when my findings are verified.

EVENT 2. The conclusion the author drew after the experiments of the Arabian couple received corroboration, though it cannot be called proof, from a second source, the author's observation of certain sex practices of native tribes. The South Sea Islanders rub their infants with their hands for hours to keep them pacified. Most of the mothers carry their babies on their naked backs while they work and the babies are happy and relaxed. What makes them happy? Is it not probable that it has something to do with the bodily contact and the relaxing equilibration it provides for the infant's tension? Every mother knows that a crying baby can be appeased by laying it on her breast, even without giving it milk. As already stated, children who have been bottle-fed as infants, who have not been accustomed, as babies, to lie beside their mothers or to spend hours in their parents' bed, and have had little human skin contact, suffer, as a rule, from handicaps in their later love life. As adults, girls with this background are more reserved and less prepared for the happiness of sex life; their husbands have difficulty awakening the bioelectricity from their cells. The Melanesian woman who caresses her child's body for hours, and breathes on it fondly, seems to have an instinctive knowledge of how best to protect the child from such damage to his natural powers. Havelock Ellis was the first to observe, without attempting to explain

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it, that infant mortality is thirty per cent higher among children who are not petted and caressed. If we assume hypertension in the cells due to their becoming overcharged with electricity, is it not understandable? This would account for the desire of children to get into bed with their parents. Very instructive is the sex life of young girls among some South Sea Islanders, especially where western influences have not disturbed their native customs. At the time of puberty a girl leaves her home for another hut, where she sleeps with four boys of her choice, six months with each boy. After these two trial years she marries the boy who has given her the greatest relaxation. These marriages are happy and last a lifetime without infidelity. Their methods of love-making are also instructive. They usually have intercourse not oftener than every five days. On other nights they sleep together, body to body, an art in itself, without contact between the sex organs. Preparation for sex union takes at least half an hour. They caress, embrace, kiss and bite each other, until both are electrified. But never does a man touch the clitoris of his mate. (A matured woman should have entirely given up the sensations of the clitoris, which are characteristic of a child. After puberty these sensations are normally concentrated in the vagina.) When the sex act begins they lie united and motionless for at least half an hour, sometimes longer, before they start any movements. After the climax, they continue to lie together for a long time. This means that they enjoy the blessings of a successful sex union, with the electrical streams, so skillfully awakened in their two bodies, equalized. The natives of the Trobriand Islands, in British New Guinea, ridicule the sex life of civilized people, caricaturing, before mixed audiences, the sketchy, limp and clumsy technique of western lovers. The audiences are amused by this burlesque of a lower state of erotic culture; but they believe

mE

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that the actors exaggerate because, in their experience, no couple could enjoy a sex act so lacking .in preparation and so hurried in consummation. The explanation they offer is this: "After one hour the souls of the ancestors awaken and bless our union." This means that, for these Island lovers, the long duration of the sex act is obligatory, a duty to their ancestors. Too brief a sex union would torture them with feelings of guilt and remorse. Something else we might learn from the natives of these Islands is the position of the partners in the sexual union. Their first rule is complete bodily relaxation and freedom from pressure or strain. For that reason the man does not lie over his mate; to do so would imprison her, deprive her of the power of movement. During a prolonged sex act this would become unbearable while, if the man were to try to ease his weight by lifting himself up a little, his muscles would not be entirely relaxed, and his electrical streams would flow partly to his arms and legs, instead of concentrating in his sex organs. A further objection to the man's lying on the top of the woman is that, in this position, he is likely to touch the clitoris, which should be avoided. The most relaxing position will be described later. Sometimes they lie with their heads at opposite ends of the sleeping mat, the two open pairs of legs fitted together like two pincers, in such a way that the sex organs come into the closest possible contact without penetration of the vagina. In this position they sleep together at times when no sex intercourse .is intended. As a rule, on days of intercourse, all forms of love-making such as kissing, embracing, rubbing and biting are not only permitted, they are considered an essential part, a proper preparation, for the sex act or, in our language, for awakening the electricity of the cells. But when full sex union is reached no more tender caresses are allowed. All the attention, all the

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electric streams, have to flow, fully and undisturbed, to the sex organs. On all the other nights, without sex union, they lie close together, naked body to naked body, and find themselves deeply relaxed in the morning. On such nights they do not caress or kiss each other, as that is the prelude to sexual intercourse, which would inevitably follow such stimulation. The rules these islanders obey have much to recommend them. They are trained from childhood to cultivate the art most necessary to human happiness, the art of love; but this, like any other art, cannot be learned in a day. In matters connected with love and sex, these islanders are aware of the reasons for their customs. They know why it is that the longer an infant is nourished at the breast the better he will be able to kiss his mate when grown. "If you want to be a master, you must exercise your skill young," they say. "Therefore the lips should learn to feel in babyhood." Likewise, as we already know, the more sensitive and attractive the baby will be to its future mate. "They have a better touch, they have a better exchange," they say. Exchange of what? Does this not indicate that these primitive people realize that the bodily cells should be exercised until they easily give out their radiations, instead of being blocked off by too strict an upbringing? These people teach their children at the "first puberty" (about four years of age) to be aware of sensation in the sex organs in order that, later on, they may be good lovers. Parents do not interfere with their children's sex affairs so long as they do not violate their taboos. The result is that no one is ashamed to show affection, and sex manifestations are never ridiculed; on the contrary, they are held sacred. To be indifferent to sex is considered a form of vice. What are the consequences of these attitudes and practices so opposite to those with which we are familiar? In spite of the practical sex education these children receive, they are inno-

THE SIX RULES OF SEX INTERCOURSE

cent children, happy and relaxed. Marriages are harmonious, divorces unknown and neuroses do not exist.

EVENT 3. A third valuable source of new understanding of our sex life is the special method of sex union known as Karezza. Karezza is practiced by a group of men with exceptional powers of self-control. It is a form of prolonged, normal sexual intercourse which yields satisfactions of a very high order. The Karezza method, as used by the American Indians, was reported a hundred years ago by John Noyes of the Oneida Community and later, by Alice Stockham. Karezza dwindled in America where it once had a considerable following; but it has spread widely in India, I am told, and is well known in Egypt. The word Karezza means Renunciation. It renounces one thing, and one thing only, in sexual union: ejaculation for the man. Otherwise physical union is complete, prolonged and motionless and, in half an hour, a sort of superlative delight sets in. It is nature rewarding one a thousandfold for supreme
slf-control,

It lasts as long as contact is maintained. For hours. Then the two partners fall asleep, in a refreshing, dreamless sleep. And the next day both are in a state of wonderful happiness and relaxation. They are more deeply in love with each other than ever before. The time when the sensation of delight sets in should be noted: after about half an hour of sex union, approximately the duration of intercourse of the Arabian couple, which caused the phenomena of the electrical sparks between their two bodies to disappear. This indicates, according to our theory, that the bio-electricity discharged from the cells of two

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bodies during the prolonged love-making and stored up in the skin, has flowed to their sex organs where the two kinds of bio-electricity, df different potentials, meet and neutralize each other. As they are neutralized the electrical tensions in the two bodies cease and full relaxation sets in. After such complete relaxation it takes time to recharge the bodies. Therefore Karezza can only be practiced successfully once in one to three weeks. It seems that Plato, 2400 years ago, had knowledge of some kind of sex relation other than intercourse with ejaculation and orgasm. Let us cite a passage from the Platonic dialogue on the nature of love, The Symposium. "It seems to me that mankind are by no means penetrated with a conception of the power of Love, or they would have built sumptuous temples and altars and have established magnificent rites in his honor; he deserves worship and homage more than all the other gods, and he has yet received none. "For Love is, of all the gods, the most friendly to mortals; the physician of those wounds whose cure would be the greatest happiness which could be conferred upon the human race. "Whenever, therefore, any such as I have described are impetuously struck ... with love and desire ... they are unwilling to be separated even for a moment. These are they who devote their whole lives to each other with a vain and inexpressible longing to obtain from each other something they do not know what; for it is not merely the sensual delight of their intercourse for the sake of which they dedicate themselves to each other with such serious affection; but the soul of each manifestly thirsts for, from the other, something which there are no words to describe." (My italics) From this quotation it is clear that Plato knew very well that the love relationship comprises something besides the dis-

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charge, in orgasm, of the male semen and the glandular secretions of the female. What is this "something besides?" Is it a so-called "spiritual love," as so many believe Platonic love to be, a mere friendship? We do not think so. It is something else that, in all probability, Plato has experienced and been unable to explain. Had the findings of modern science been available to this great thinker of antiquity, he would not, we feel sure, have had to seek a mythological explanation for the facts he is here considering. He would have found it in the discoveries of biology and in those laws of physics which govern electricity. He would have said that a person's happiness depends on coming in contact with an individual whose electrical radiations complement his own; that the tension of a negatively charged man can find its outlet only through contact with a positively charged woman-one to whose wave length his wave length is attuned. This hypothesis would, we believe, have been nearer the truth than the more anthropomorphic concept that he puts into the mouth of Aristophanes in his remarkable dialogue. Yes, without doubt, Plato must have realized that, in the exchange of radiations between two lovers there lies a satisfaction more delightful and profound than in the sex act itself. Nevertheless Platonic love is not "Karezza." The author is acquainted with other experiences on which he bases these assertions. The measurable electricity in the human body reaches its greatest intensity in the genital organs. But that does not mean that the amount of electricity from innumerable small sources cannot exceed that from one single stream, however strong. From the experiences mentioned, the author believes that these innumerable small streams can flow directly to each other and achieve equalization by mere bodily contact, with-

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out sexual union. This exchange induces a sense of delight that endures for days rather than for two or three hours.

EVENT 4. A fourth source of this new understanding of sex life is an experience from which the author has been able to draw conclusions of practical value, the experience of a neurotic girl. The details of this unusual case are taken from the author's notebook: In March, 1926, I was asked to take care of a young woman whom I will call Mary. Although twenty-three years of age she looked sixteen. Psychoanalysis in this case was held to be useless. Famous psychoanalysts of both the Freudian and Adlerian schools had tried, in vain, to help her. Therefore I was not asked to treat this supposedly hopeless case, but merely to find her a job in my sanitarium, which she could carryon without ever encountering a man, for the form her neurosis took was a deep-rooted fear of men. The mere sight of a man rendered her speechless. From the time of her puberty, her mother told me, no man had ever been able even to shake hands with her. Mary had a beautiful figure and a lovely face, blonde, with large blue eyes, cool as ice crystals, and was intelligent and well-educated. She was the object of the unfulfilled desires of a number of young men-and of some not so young. From the mother I learned that Mary was her only child; that she was the illegitimate daughter of a Hungarian nobleman whose name, even, was unknown to her. She had been brought up by two aunts under a supervision so strict that nothing like a seduction could possibly have taken place, an occurrence which might have explained her fear complex. Mary's illegitimacy caused her such suffering that, when she was twelve years old, the mother married, on the pretext

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that the man was Mary's father. Mary was still convinced that her stepfather was her real father. He was kind and patient with the child, but Mary, deeply attached to her mother, never liked him. The dislike became so acute that, three years later, the mother divorced her husband in an effort to satisfy her daughter, but with an unlooked for result: Mary became estranged from her mother also. I created a position for Mary in my office,leaving her in the charge of my private secretary. She soon became extremely useful, handling difficult correspondence with unusual tact. But it was months before I could speak to her in my office without causing her an emotional upset. About the time Mary learned to endure my presence, my assistant, Fred, fell passionately in love with her. He was a young physician of fine character and one of my best friends. Mary, I could see, was impressed by him; for the first time in her life she felt some degree of sympathy toward a man. Still her fear complex was stronger than her awakening feeling for him. Fred, aware of her pecularity, respected it; he never made the slightest physical advances, never went near her except when his duties required it. Months passed. Mary's shyness slowly diminished; she began to trust Fred, confident that he would never overstep the mark. Six months later this affair was settled, with some advice from me, in the following way: They were married, but on the understanding that Fred would not approach her sexually, or even try to persuade her to permit any attempts. That was fifteen years ago. What was the outcome of this strange marriage? Fred has kept his promise; and Mary has not changed her mind. There has been no attempt at sex union between them. Mary's mental blockade against her physically normal sex organs remains unbroken. But out of this renunciation something developed

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in their relationship that brought them an incomparable reward. After six weeks of unconsummated marriage Mary's love for Fred was no less passionate than his for her. It was then that they spent their first night together in one bed, naked body to naked body. Fred's was a superhuman task. To fulfill his promise, he had to control his sex organs by blockading all the nerve streams leading to them, and all the desires that centered there 'What Mary's neurosis had accomplished in a lifetime, Fred had to achieve with the utmost effort of will power, in a very short time. The best way to do this, he found, was to concentrate all his thoughts and feelings, all his awareness, on those parts of his body which touched Mary. They lay close together, entirely relaxed, delighting in this bodily contact. And then, after about half an hour, Fred told me, something indescribable began to flow in them, making them feel that every single cell of their skin was alive and joyful. This produced in Fred rapture and delight such as he had never before experienced. (This delight was reduced if both had not taken a bath before lying down together). And Mary, he said, felt the same. He had the impression that all these million sources of delight merged into one and streamed to the skin of those parts of his body which were in contact with Mary. His body seemed to dissolve; space and time dropped away; and all thoughts disappeared, so consumed was he by a voluptuous rapture which he could find no words to describe. Mary's words for it were "superhuman," "divine." They both, he said, lost at that moment all fear of death. This, they felt, must be a prevision of the afterlife; they were already on the bridge between the material world and the spiritual universe. They had tasted heaven. This ecstatic experience endured throughout the night. But, after seven hours, a feeling of suffocation set in. They had to separate immediately. If they attempted to ignore this
e:

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95 feeling, they became antagonistic to each other. But if they took a shower, or a rubdown with a wet towel, they could go back to bed and re-enter their state of superhuman bliss without difficulty. (I cannot explain this phenomenon; but I believe that the explanation, when found, will have to do with some laws of physics, dealing with countercurrents. But I would like again to remind my readers of the original identity of nerve and skin cells, in embryo, which would explain similar electrical occurrences.) The next day they were both extremely happy and relaxed, full of life and energy, strangers to all forms of anxiety, pettiness or anger. In comparing the kind of satisfaction he had previously known in normal intercourse, with this new rapture experienced with Mary, Fred said that the difference was that between earthly and celestial love. Compared with the continuous, lasting and superhuman happiness induced by his new experience, the temporary delight, during spontaneous ejaculation, was hardly worth mentioning. Ten years passed. Mary changed from a self-centered, antisocial, cold-hearted girl to a woman, warm, thoughtful and kind. They were both as deeply devoted to each other as they had been at the beginning. That was the story of Mary and Fred: fantastic, but I have no reason to doubt a word of it. I have passed on to other couples what I learned from this one; and, when all the conditions have been fulfilled, the results have been the same. It is this body of experience which has convinced me that Platonic love is, more probably, something of this kind than a purely spiritual relationship, or even Karezza. The words in The Symposium seem to indicate that the "something they know not what," which the lovers are longing to obtain from each other, is that exchange of bioelectrical streams which enables their bodies to become entirely relaxed. That means that their sublime feeling is in-

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duced, to use prosaic words, by nothing other than their full liberation from tension. The more a person can relax another from the tension induced in him by his bio-electrical streams, the more is that person desired by the other and the more passionate is their mutual love. When I studied Indian philosophy I was never able to understand why Nirvana" is regarded by the Hindu as so desirable. How can a state of Nothingness be the aim of Life? But the experience of Fred and Mary led me to see that the cessation of bodily tension can be so supreme an experience that no other pleasure on earth can be compared with it. That means that when the tension in our body ceases, we reach a state of relaxation so absolute that it is as if we were bodiless. This form of "nothingness" may easily seem akin to that happiness which Easterners call Nirvana. Since then a new chapter has been added to the story of Mary and Fred. Mary's maternal instinct awoke. She was now thirty-seven years old and had been married for fourteen years. It may be that her desire for a child helped her to overcome her stilI insistent neurosis. In any case, it was discovered through a dream, that Mary's stepfather had tried to seduce her and had been thwarted by the violent resistance of the twelve year old girl. For Mary this experience was a twofold shock. She was shocked on her own behalf, as she believed him to be her real father; and she was shocked on behalf of her mother, who was deeply in love with the man. This obliged the child to keep silent. From the emotional conflict thus induced Mary escaped in neurosis. Now, by means of a dream, Mary's unconsciousness was able to get rid of its burden and the blockade in her was removed, the more easily when it was discovered that her assailant was not her real father.
·Nirvana means Nothingness.

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97 Then, for the first time in her life, Mary had normal intercourse with Fred. It was some time before they could learn to direct their streams to their sex organs. But, even though Fred at last secured a normal reaction, his potency was still weak and did not last long enough to bring Mary to full satisfaction. Deeply disappointed they wanted to return to the beautiful sex life they had enjoyed before. They tried, but could not. The gate to that paradise was closed. The delivered streams in their bodies now flowed automatically to the sex organs, instead of directly to each other. No amount of will power could stop them. Thus they repeated the story of Adam and Eve and their lost Paradise. When we read the third chapter of Genesis with this in mind, we find surprising, symbolical meanings. After studying the effects of relationships of this kind, the author came to certain conclusions concerning them. The practice of the Karezza method of sex union is more difficult than it sounds. If a couple's love for each other is not well founded, the method will not work. Furthermore, not many people have sufficient will power to control themselves so rigorously. The meaning of the word "Karezza" is, as we know, "renunciation," renunciation to such a degree that every movement of the spermatozoa in the testicles must be kept under control. That is not easy. It takes time and hard training to learn how to prevent the slightest movement in these organs. Once the semen begins to flow, it is neither possible nor advisable to check it. In such a case it is better to abandon the Karezza method and permit the discharge to take place. To learn to change from the customary sensations of ejaculation and orgasm, both of which have to be entirely prevented, to the sensations accompanying the union of the bodies' electrical streams, is a task suitable only to very strong and determined characters. If it is accomplished, the results fully justify the means. If adequately prepared, even men of weak sexual ca-

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pacity achieve, after half an hour, uninterrupted erections of several hours, without any subsequent feeling of exhaustion. The rumors about the bad consequences of this practice are nonsense. Van de Watez, a competent authority, stated that he had examined forty-two women, members of the Oneida Community, who used this method. He declared them to be in perfect health, happy and in complete harmony. Bad consequences only follow an attempt to check the flow of the semen once it has started; this induces a temporary dizziness. Nevertheless a sexual relationship entirely devoted to Karezza is unsuited to the average healthy man or woman. Our task here on earth is to create. The tension produced by the electrical power within us is the driving force which makes creation possible. By and large, non-creative persons usually pay for their refusal to obey this law of nature with feelings of dissatisfaction with life, feelings the origin of which is not - always understood. The sexual happiness possible through Karezza is the strongest proof yet available that orgasm is not essential to sex happiness, that the exchange of bio-electricity is more essential and can be combined with orgasm. These reflections, supported by observations and experiences connected with many couples who have sought the author's advice during the last three decades, have caused him to outline the following six rules for the conduct of a satisfactory sex union. In numbers of cases their application has been instrumental in restoring love and harmony to disturbed marriages. (1) PREPARATION. A period of love play involving caressing and kissing should precede the sex act. During this prelude there should be no impediment to full skin contact, and the man should seek by gentle caresses to concentrate his wife's sensations in her vagina (avoiding the clitoris completely)

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and to render the vagina thoroughly moist. The reason the vagina must be moist is not just to facilitate entrance of the penis, but also because water is a good conductor of electricity. Their two different potentials of bio-electricity cannot equalize each other through a dry vagina, the chief cause of frigidity. Avoiding an irritation of the clitoris, however pleasant it may be, is important, because, since it is the center of attention during the immature, pre-vaginal stage of development, this immaturity will continue into married life so long as the woman's interest is not successfully transferred to the vagina. This warning against irritation of the clitoris is repeated in an effort to counteract the advice of some writers on sex who, yielding to the desires of their immature patients, still recommend as love play and stimulation a masturbation of the clitoris. By this mistake they deprive their patients of a complete and ideal sex satisfaction. This bad practice alone is enough to keep some women frigid. A woman can have either one of two kinds of orgasm- a clitoral orgasm or a vaginal orgasm. The clitoral orgasm is all that is known by most immature women, even during vaginal intercourse. They can only be half satisfied by it. However, if a woman will abandon that half satisfaction, she can eventually learn the deep, mature satisfaction coming from the orgasm brought about by stimulation of the vagina and tip of the uterus. Granted, such women will go through a sexual dead period, while losing the accustomed sensation, and before gaining the right one, but a few weeks of concentration, patience and will power will bring an abundant reward. The prelude to sex union itself requires a prelude, a day of mutual kindness and tenderness. A man cannot expect his wife to react amiably to his love making if he has quarreled violently with her at the dinner table; her resentment toward him would tend to block the delivery of bio-electricity from her cells, and the emotional disturbances in her would absorb

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so much of her energy that the sex act, even though successful, would leave her exhausted. Coitus with a dry vagina is a purely mechanical act lacking animation. This sort of coitus is therefore a masturbatory act that results in depression and disgust. This is expressed in the Roman proverb: Laete venire Venus, triste abire solet (Venus arrives happy, but goes away sad) . This is true in a sex act between a prostitute and her customer. Such a relation, trivial, exhausting and ugly, leaves a bitter aftertaste of frustration. But uninhibited sex partners who are attuned to each other, and well prepared for the sex act, feel animated, refreshed and happy after their union. Their love grows and deepens. (2) POSITION. After the preliminary love-play, the partners should occupy the following position which permits perfect freedom of movement as well as complete absence of muscular effort, and avoids stimulation of the clitoris. The wife first lies on her back with her knees raised so that they touch her breasts. The husband lies on his right side to the left of her, turned toward her in such a way that his left leg lies above his right leg. In this position he puts both of his legs under both her thighs while his wife lets her legs fall over his left hip. In so doing he has to move his body away from her body. She is still on her back lengthwise of the bed, while he is still lying on his right side but crosswise of the bed. Most couples prefer that the man place his left leg between the woman's legs. It takes time to understand this position. Therefore let me recapitulate: To achieve the position in question the two partners go through the following movements. (a) Both lie straight in bed on their backs; the husband on the left side of his wife. (b) The wife raises her knees so that they touch her breasts. (c) The husband now turns toward his wife, lying on his right side; this means that his left leg is uppermost.

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(d) Next he moves the upper part of his body away from his wife, until he lies at right angles to her, his thighs under her lifted legs, his penis in close contact with the entrance to her vagina. (e) While his right thigh remains under the buttocks of his wife, he puts his left leg between her legs, so forcing her lifted right leg downward toward his right leg. This complicated description can be now simplified as follows: The husband, lying at the left of his wife, turns to her and puts his left leg between her two legs, so that their sex organs are in closest contact. In so doing he automatically executes all the movements described above. If this contact is accomplished, the two may place their legs however they find best, as long as the sex contact remains undisturbed. Both husband and'wife can thus lie relaxed in every muscle, yet can move in their accustomed way with complete freedom and effortlessness. So close is the contact that even after intercourse they can sleep in this position without losing the contact of the sex organs. Only by lying in as perfectly relaxed a position as the one described can the husband hope to hold back his orgasm long enough to permit satisfaction for his wife. The author disagrees entirely with the opinion of a well known sex expert who recommends a position, in which "man and woman meet face to face or converse position," as the natural one for human beings. In the position which the author considers normal, the male and female sex organs can be brought into still closer contact if the man will open the outer and inner lips of the vulva with his fingers and place the penis between them, at the entrance to the vagina. At this moment all kisses and caresses on other parts of the

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body should cease, in order that the awakening bio-electrical streams may flow undisturbed toward the sex organs. In this position it does not matter whether the penis is in erection or not; the important thing is that its tip should touch the mucosa of the inner lips at the vagina's entrance. After half an hour, when the full exchange of the radiations of the two individuals is established, the penis usually becomes erected and can enter the vagina. If neurotic causes of impotence have first been eliminated, erection will occur even in cases which have a previous history of impotence. (3) DURATION. Until the man has learned to hold back his ejaculation the position outlined above should usually be maintained for at least half an hour, outside the vagina. (The period of preparation may be shortened if the partners have previously been animated.) Complete sex union, in which the tip of the penis penetrates the vagina so deeply that it . touches the entrance to the uterus, as it should do in perfect intercourse, then follows. ("That is closing the switch and brings a current of indescribable ecstasy."-N.J. Herby.) This sex union without ejaculation lasts normally for half an hour, though this time can advantageously be lengthened to an hour or even, as in the case of "Karezza," to two to three hours, if the couple remain motionless. Many men complain that their sensations on penetrating the vagina are so strong that they are not able to control the discharge of the sperm cells.• This so-called ejaculatio-praecox is, in most cases, not a disease, as many laymen and even some physicians believe; it should be regarded as a weakness characteristic of immaturity. Just as a small child has to exercise
-Dr. Arnold Kegal of Los Angeles has discovered a set of small. delicate. muscle fibres which lie around the bladder tube, the vagina and the lower part of the intestines; muscles which can be strengthened through exercise, The fact that it is possible for a man to learn to control his ejaculation indicates that voluntary muscles also exist in the ducts of the penis.

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the sphincter muscles to control the urine, so can the adult exercise his muscles until they are able to resist the urgent desire for orgasm. Most of the men I have known who "suffered" from ejaculatio-praecox, were spoiled, sensual persons who had never learned to control their emotions. Sex and character march hand in hand. If we strengthen a weak man's character, we will also have helped him to overcome his ejaculatio-proecox. Only by contraction of the muscles through which the sperm flowsout can ejaculation be retarded. This is accomplished a step at a time. First the man learns to retain his semen for two minutes, then for five, then ten, and so on, until he reaches his goal of half an hour or an hour. A great help in these exercises is to remain motionless in the vagina. Friction during the sex act produces electricity. Should it happen that, in conducting this exercise of motionless sex union, a man loses his erection, it is due to the fact that the bio-electrical currents which should be streaming to his sex organs have been blocked or diverted. This should not cause discouragement, as the erection will either come back later or be regained in full strength during subsequent exercises when this form of self-control has become so automatic that it no longer requires thought. Even if the man has his orgasm before completing a half hour of intercourse, he must not withdraw ~but remain motionless, after the orgasm, at least half an hour, regardless of his lost erection."
·With this recommendation the author is in disagreement with sex experts. Dr. H. Dickinson for instance believes that to "stay in vagina afterward 10 long is not to be recommended-only as long as wife desires." For this divergent opinion the author offers the following: Most women are accustomed to an unsatisfactory, short intercourse, which leaves them tensed. In order to avoid such torture, they fight as much as possible against the delivery of bio-electricity from their cells; therefore they block their currents to the sex ogans and so remain frigid. The fight is so exhausting that they want to get their hated sex union over as quickly as possible. But if they had once experienced the right, relaxing intercourse, they would give up their fight from the beginning.

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Obeying this one rule alone relaxes a couple to such a degree that even the tension and dissatisfaction which so often follows too short a sex act disappears almost entirely and changes disgust to contentment. (see page 226:31) (4) CONCENTRATION. From the very beginning, the sex act in all its phases, preparatory love play, position outside the vagina ("outdoors") and full sex union, should be performed with full concentration on every detail. Nothing must distract the attention of the two partners from what they are doing. They should train themselves to be completely aware of the sensations in their sex organs and also of the "flow of electricity" they receive from their partner. If the power of concentration is thus exercised, the perception of sensation develops to a degree that gives the utmost delight. If, on the other hand, the two people allow their attention to be diverted from the sex performance by the noise of the . radio, children, or the telephone bell, or if they converse, or even permit their thoughts to wander to other subjects, their "radiations" are directed to the brain cells and, to continue our mental picture of this hypothetical occurrence, the "flow" to the sex organs is interrupted. In such an event the orgasm is weak and unsatisfactory. (5) RELAXATION. Every muscle of the body-every cell, even-should be entirely relaxed. Any kind of tension serves to block radiation. The more relaxed the cells are, the more easily can they discharge "radiations" which need to "flow," undisturbed, to the sex organs. The art of relaxation can be learned by daily exercise in the manner described in the book, Release from Nervous Tension, by David Fink, M. D. But, in addition to physical relaxation, mental and emotional relaxation are also important. Such factors as feelings of guilt connected with the sex act, resentment toward the love partner, and preoccupation with worries, interfere with a neces-

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sary state of full relaxation. Relaxation is of the utmost importance, not only to the act, but also to the individual's health and happiness. An inharmonious home life, ill-trained children, friction of any kind, can disturb the sex union of parents. Overwork can bring on exhaustion which is sometimes confused with relaxation. But an exhausted organism can only become animated after an amount of stimulation so great as to irritate the nerve substance. Therefore the best time for intercourse between working people is the morning, especially a Sunday morning after breakfast. If there is a possibility of the children disturbing their parents' sex union, it is best to start it after a few hours' sleep on Saturday night, or early the following evening after a restful Sunday. Sometimes a husband has to overcome, by tenderness and love, an exhausting neurotic blockade in his wife against the delivery of such "radiation" from the cells of her body. In some cases the wife fears an awakening sex desire, because these feelings once brought her into deep, emotional conflict with 'parents, society, or her conscience. Alcohol induces only a temporary relaxation; coffee and drugs a temporary stimulation. Bodily contact, without sex union, during the whole night, is relaxing, as it permits the different bio-electrical potential, from the two bodies, to flow towards each other and release tension. Cases in which both partners have declared that they preferred twin beds because they disturbed each other, but later were persuaded to occupy a double bed, showed obvious improvement in their relations after a few nights. They became more harmonious, more indulgent toward each other's weaknesses and, occasionally, a seemingly dying love revived between them. (6) FREQUENCY. As a rule, a well performed sex act, one in which full sex union lasts for half an hour, cannot, and should not, be repeated more than once in five days. When sex union

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lasts for an hour, repetition in a week's time is indicated; when it lasts for two hours the interval should be two weeks.· The reason why it is not advisable to repeat a successful sex act within a short time is that "the batteries" of the body need to be "recharged." A healthy sex act relaxes both partners so completely that normally they do not even desire a repetition. The man who boasts about his sexual capacity and claims that he repeats the sex act practically every day exposes himself as no master in the art of love. His statement, if true, proves that not one of his sex performances could have been satisfactory. He has a local relaxation in the testicles; his "detumescence impulse" is satisfied; but by his sex act he has. presumably. merely delivered "radiation" out of his cells but has given it no time to unite with that of his wife. This unconsumed "radiation" remains in his body. tensing him and leading him to the delusion that his superior virility requires another ejaculation of sperm cells. Too frequent intercourse forces cells in the testicles to concentrate more on the production of sperm cells than of hormones. An organism without hormones has no animation or energy. In the end it leads to exhaustion. frustration and a disgust with the sex act which includes resentment against the person who has aroused his desire. This is a typical picture of the end of many a passionate love affair. These are the six rules essential to a satisfactory sex union. The question of outstanding importance to so many couples.
·Thls recommendation appears to be contradicted by the .tatistia of Kinsey. for he says that on an average a married couple has intercourse more often than every five days; nevertheless, in the author's opinion very few of these couples enjoy an ideal sex life, therefore the desire for more sex unions. Even though a man has exceptional sexual potency and uses a shorter in. terval of Intercourse than five days, it would be wiser for him to resist his impulse; for love and desire for his wife would only increase in him. The same principle applies to eating; for if a person has a favorite dish and partakes of it too often his desire for it decreases.

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how to conceive children under the best circumstances, will be discussed in the chapter on birth control. Before ending this chapter, a few words addressed especially to the male reader. & already stated it has been my experience that a physically adult man over thirty years of age usually resents being found a poor lover. He tends to blame any unsatisfactory aspect of his sex relations on his wife's frigidity. He also wants to have his local satisfaction whenever he desires it. Inasmuch as many physically adult men are still emotionally immature, that is to say still accustomed, as during their spoiled childhood, to receive rather than to give in the love relationship, they are unwilling to try to control themselves in the manner described. Everything that hinders immediate satisfaction of desire they find either annoying or irritating. To such men we can only say that to achieve perfection in the art of love requires as much application and patience as learning to play a violin or to speak a foreign language. As long as it is necessary for us to think how to use our finger muscles, or to remember every rule of grammar, just so long is our playing or speaking difficult and imperfect. & soon as as we begin to play or speak without conscious cerebration the art begins to be our own. So it is with the art of making love. In countries where children are raised to appreciate the values of love and sex, and are given an early education for their future sex life, the young people use correct and successful methods in their sex relationships from the beginning. In Western civilization, however, after possibly decades of a faulty type of sex union, it is often difficult for men to learn anew, or rather to learn for the first time, how to conduct a normal intercourse. Very often we cannot force a husband to act on our advice. Some are obstinate and hostile from the very beginning and