The Wrestler
The Wrestler
The Wrestler
by
Rob Siegel
——”I’ve never seen a guy get fired into a buckle that hard!”
——”Suplex!”
——”Powerbomb!”
DISSOLVE TO:
2.
SCOTT BRUMBERG
Great show, Ram. Ya turned it out.
(a little sad)
As always.
He hands Randy some cash. Randy counts it. It’s not much.
FAN #1
Yo, Ram. Think you could...?
FAN #1 (CONT’D)
I was there.
3.
FAN #2
(as Randy signs)
My first match ever was you versus
Davey Diamond at the Spectrum.
(nostalgic)
1985...
FAN #2 (CONT’D)
(vaguely sad)
You were awesome.
MUSIC: CINDERELLA - “DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT (TIL IT’S GONE)”
CUT TO:
RANDY
(announcer voice)
Oh, my... look out!
RANDY (CONT’D)
Suplex!
5.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Tombstone piledriver!
RANDY (CONT’D)
Catch you maniacs later...
RANDY
C’mon, Len. Don’t be such a fuckin’
ballbreaker.
RANDY
You know I’m good for it.
RANDY
Can I at least park in back?
RANDY
Thanks, Meg.
CUT TO:
RANDY
Hey, Wayne.
WAYNE
Do we not know how to knock?
WAYNE (CONT’D)
Let’s try that again.
Randy steps out and closes the door behind him. He knocks.
WAYNE (CONT’D)
Come in!
Randy enters.
WAYNE (CONT’D)
Oh, hi, Randy! What can I do for
you?
RANDY
Do you have any extra shifts you
could throw my way?
WAYNE
What’s the matter, they raise the
price of tights?
7.
WAYNE (CONT’D)
Let’s see what we got.
RANDY
Pretty much anything weekday...
CUT TO:
CUT TO:
ANGLE ON bottle: The label says SUSTANON 250. The rest of the
label is in SPANISH.
GREGG
I’m tellin’ ya, bro, it’s identical
to the German.
RANDY
I tried Mexican sus once. Gave me
bitch tits.
GREGG
Years ago, right? Mexican’s way
better now.
RANDY
I don’t want this.
GREGG
Bro, it’s the same.
RANDY
I want my German.
8.
GREGG
I don’t have any.
RANDY
Yeah?
GREGG
What are you doing?
GREGG (CONT’D)
That’s my own stash. That’s my last
one.
RANDY
Danke schoen.
SPOTTER
Push it out——you got this!
RANDY
How ya doin’, Glor?
FRONT-DESK WOMAN
(cupping phone)
Hey, babe. Four’s open.
9.
RANDY
Don’t leave it in too long. All
those pieces broke off last time.
KOREAN LADY
Okay, okay, no problem.
CUT TO:
The song fades out. He pops the tape out of the deck and
tosses it on the passenger seat. On it is a messy pile of old
cassettes. Skid Row. Mötley Crüe. AC/DC. Guns ‘N’ Roses. He
sifts through the selection, one eye on the road.
NICK VOLPE
Listen up, only saying it once. Vic
Storm, you’re up first against D-
Day. Second, Shawn McPride and
Funkmaster Garry B. Slick. Third,
Frankie Cirillo and Rob Dynamo
versus J.T. Anvil and The Ultimate
Freak. Fourth, Teddy Brewski and
Lex Lethal. Intermission. Fifth,
Samoan Savages versus the Disco
Brothers. Sixth, the Irish Warrior
and Vyper. Seventh, “Sandman” Steve
Sambuca versus Hollywood. Last but
not least, for the strap, Kid Loco
versus Randy The Ram. Got it? Good.
RANDY
Right there, you post me. Hard. I
show color.
RANDY (CONT’D)
You post me again. Again.
(Kid Loco nods)
You’re fuckin’ whalin’ on my ass.
Randy turns and sees fellow wrestler LEX LETHAL sticking his
head into the cafeteria door.
RANDY
Who?
LEX LETHAL
(shrugs)
Some chick.
RANDY
Ring rat?
LEX LETHAL
I don’t think so.
RANDY
What’s up, kiddo?
RANDY (CONT’D)
Long time no see.
Randy pulls her in for a hug. She doesn’t really hug back.
She steps back, breaking off the hug. A brief, awkward pause.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Whatcha doing here? Here to root on
your old man?
RANDY (CONT’D)
That’s okay——as long as you’re not
rooting against me!
STEPHANIE
Is there someplace we can talk?
RANDY
I’m on in a sec.
STEPHANIE
It won’t take much of your time.
12.
RANDY
What’s up?
STEPHANIE
I’m here because...
STEPHANIE (CONT’D)
I came to make amends.
RANDY
Amends?
STEPHANIE
I’m supposed to talk to people I’ve
hurt.
RANDY
Ohh... 12-stepper.
STEPHANIE
(nods)
AA.
RANDY
Good for you. That’s great.
STEPHANIE
Thank you. I’m sure you mean that.
RANDY
I do.
RANDY (CONT’D)
So’s that it?
STEPHANIE
I need to apologize.
RANDY
For what?
STEPHANIE
For anything I’ve done or said over
the years. All the anger at you.
RANDY
Okay...
13.
STEPHANIE
Like the last time I saw you... I’m
sorry for what I said.
RANDY
(dismissive wave)
Don’t worry about it.
STEPHANIE
Do you even know what I said?
RANDY
Sure.
STEPHANIE
What did I say?
RANDY
It was about your mom. And me.
(vague, flailing)
Like, how I was bad.
STEPHANIE
You have no idea.
Randy turns and sees TWO MEATHEAD FANS down the hall, headed
his way.
MEATHEAD #1
Whassup, yo? Randy The Ram!
MEATHEAD #2
We gonna see some action tonight?
RANDY
(sly grin)
Tonight’s forecast calls for severe
butt-whoopin’s with a 100 percent
chance of pain.
MEATHEAD #1
Could we get a picture?
14.
RANDY
No problemo.
The two meatheads flank Randy, their arms around his broad
shoulders. Meathead #1 looks tentatively at Stephanie,
holding up his DIGITAL CAMERA.
MEATHEAD #1
Think you could...?
STEPHANIE
No problemo.
She looks into the camera. The meatheads stick their tongues
out and throw up devil signs. Randy flexes theatrically,
making his best “Aaargh!” wrestling face.
MEATHEAD #1
Thanks a lot, yo. Kick some ass out
there.
RANDY
You know it, broski!
RANDY (CONT’D)
What?
STEPHANIE
Same shit.
RANDY
They’re fans.
STEPHANIE
Same old shit.
RANDY
I hafta. It’s work.
STEPHANIE
I’m in the middle of saying
something important and you drop it
for the fucking wrestling.
15.
RANDY
I didn’t ask them to come over.
STEPHANIE
It’s like I’m 10 all over again.
RANDY
Are we almost done with this?
STEPHANIE
This what?
RANDY
This ATTACK.
STEPHANIE
Yeah. We’re done.
Kid Loco lifts Randy up. They’re both on their knees, chest-
to-chest. Kid Loco steps to his feet, lifting Randy with him.
Kid Loco heads back to Randy. He picks up him by the hair and
drags him to the turnbuckle, throwing him HEAD-FIRST into the
exposed metal post beneath.
Kid Loco slams Randy’s head into the metal post again. Again.
Randy slumps over the corner ropes. Kid Loco cockily struts
around the ring.
KID LOCO
Look at this loser! How pathetic.
Kid Loco saunters back over to Randy. He grabs his head for
another post smash, but HE CAN’T. Randy’s neck and arm
muscles bulge. His neck veins pop like he’s suddenly super-
charged.
Randy reaches over his shoulder and grabs Kid Loco by the
hair. He pulls him in close.
RANDY
(under breath)
Let’s go home.
Randy juts his hips back and bends over, gaining the leverage
he needs for a throw. Kid Loco shakes his head, begging no.
Randy straightens his legs, raises his lower back, and yanks
down on Kid Loco’s head. Kid Loco’s feet fly off the canvas
as his head gets BURIED INTO THE MAT. He gets stuck UPSIDE
DOWN with his feet over the ropes.
Randy, holding onto the top rope with both hands, thrusts his
knee into Kid Loco’s stomach. Again. Again.
Randy drags Kid Loco into the middle of the ring. He looks
out at the crowd.
17.
TRIO
Ram Jam! Ram Jam! Ram Jam!...
Randy cups his hand to his ear. The chant quickly spreads.
Randy bends his arms, pressing them against the side of his
head like ram’s horns. (Just like in the photo in the opening
montage.)
He LEAPS.
The fans lose it. This is what they wanted. The Ram Jam. The
money shot.
CUT TO:
MEDIC
Ram, man, you popped that crowd.
RANDY
For you, needledick? Always.
NICK VOLPE
Do you realize what’s coming up?
18.
RANDY
(amazed)
Holy shit...
NICK VOLPE
I know. Time fuckin’ flies.
RANDY
Whatcha thinkin’?
NICK VOLPE
Two words: Re. Match.
RANDY
Yeah?
NICK VOLPE
Ram-Ayatollah II. 20th anniversary.
Hundreds, thousands of screaming
fans watching you two make history
for the second time.
RANDY
Think Bob’d get back in there? He’s
pretty retired.
NICK VOLPE
For this?
(cool, confident nod)
I bet he’d be willing to dust off
the old turban.
19.
CUT TO:
A spring in his hobbled step, Randy gets out of the van and
heads toward Cheetah’s, the strip club he passed earlier.
Manning the door is BIG CHRIS, a huge bouncer/doorman.
BIG CHRIS
Whassup, Ram? How ya been?
RANDY
Yo, Big Chris.
BIG CHRIS
(into Randy’s ear)
Hey, can you get me any more of
that IGF-1?
RANDY
What do I look like, some fuckin’
two-bit street dealer?
BIG CHRIS
C’mon, hook a brother up. You get
the family discount.
RANDY
Swing by the mansion. Any day this
week.
BIG CHRIS
You da man, Ram!
RANDY
Thanks, hon.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Cassidy around?
20.
BARTENDER
I think she’s VIP-in’.
Randy, nodding, takes his beer and heads over toward the
STAGE. He settles in at an open table.
ON STAGE:
RANDY:
Randy exits the bathroom and heads back toward the table. En
route, he passes a curtained-off VIP ROOM.
DUDE #1 (O.S.)
We said the other one.
DUDE #2 (O.S.)
The redhead. With the belly chain.
CASSIDY
Sorry, guys, she’s on break.
21.
DUDE #1
Well, I’m sorry, but we don’t want
you.
DUDE #3
How old are you, anyway?
BACHELOR
You’re, like, my mom’s age.
VIP ROOM:
CASSIDY
There’s nothing like experience.
(into his ear, seductive)
I’ve done things your little
fiancee’s never dreamed of...
DUDE #2
Yeah, like graduate in 1985.
This cracks his friends up. Randy BURSTS THROUGH THE CURTAIN.
RANDY
(to Dude #2)
Apologize to this lady.
DUDE #3
Who the hell are you?
RANDY
You speak to her with respect.
CASSIDY
I got this. It’s okay.
RANDY
No, it’s not okay. This is
definitely not okay.
22.
RANDY (CONT’D)
I guarantee this woman’s 50 times
hotter than whatever goombah skank
you’re about to marry.
DUDE #4
(to Dude #1)
You hear what he just called Gina?!
DUDE #1
That’s my fuckin’ sister!
Randy makes like he’s going to hit the guy with the chair.
Instead, he FLINGS IT AT THE WALL.
DUDE #2 DUDE #1
Jesus!! What the FUCK!!
The entire bachelor party rushes for the curtain. Just like
that, they’re GONE.
CASSIDY
Thanks a lot. That was 200 bucks
just walked out.
RANDY
I was just trying to help.
CASSIDY
Did I ask for help?
(beat)
Did I need help?
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
Then don’t fuckin’ help.
RANDY
You’re right. I’m sorry.
(beat)
I’m sorry.
23.
CASSIDY
That’s okay.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
Good to see ya, man.
CUT TO:
RANDY
We’re talking one of the historic
matches in history. 20,000 people.
Another million and a half watching
at home on pay-per-view.
RANDY (CONT’D)
We were going back and forth, just
killin’ each other for a half hour.
Any wrestling fan, they know all
about it.
CASSIDY
Million and a half? Shit.
RANDY
Yeah, it was big. So a rematch...
(smiles, contemplating the
prospect)
History all over again.
Cassidy turns around again. Randy looks her body up and down,
savoring her curves as she dances just for him.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Goddamn you are smokin’.
“My Neck My Back” ENDS. Cassidy pulls back on her dress and
casually sits down next to him. A new song comes on.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Who knows. I put on a good show...
RANDY (CONT’D)
Could be the thing that gets me
back on top.
CASSIDY
You never know who’s in that crowd.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
Jesus.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
You’re bleeding.
RANDY
Got cut tonight.
CASSIDY
You okay?
RANDY
Ah, it’s nothing.
CASSIDY
(small chuckle)
And they say wrestling’s fake.
RANDY
How’s this for fake?
CASSIDY
What’s that from?
RANDY
1986. Denver Coliseum. Billy Bob
Banjo hit me with his two-by-four.
Loose nail tore the bicep open.
CASSIDY
Ow. Fuck.
RANDY
I got even better.
RANDY (CONT’D)
1988. Orlando Arena. Mr.
Magnificent tossed me out of the
ring. Landed on my shoulder,
clavicle snapped in half.
CASSIDY
Doesn’t it hurt?
RANDY
(blissful)
Not when they’re going crazy for
you...
CASSIDY
“He was pierced for our
transgressions, He was crushed for
our iniquities. The punishment that
brought us peace was upon Him, and
by His wounds we were healed.”
RANDY
What’s that?
CASSIDY
It’s from “Passion of the Christ”.
(beat)
You never seen it?
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
Dude, you gotta. It’s amazing.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
It’s, like, so inspiring. They
throw everything at Him. Whips,
arrows, rocks... Just beat the
living fuck out of Him for the
whole two hours. And He just takes
it.
RANDY
Huh. I’ll have to check it out.
CASSIDY
The sacrificial Ram...
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
Ah, shit.
RANDY
What do I owe?
CASSIDY
Just gimme for three.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
You’ll wait ‘til I’m done?
Randy just smiles. She gives him a small peck on the cheek
and heads off.
27.
THE STAGE:
Cassidy BURSTS ONTO THE STAGE. She owns it with rock ‘n’ roll
energy.
ON RANDY:
CUT TO:
LEX LETHAL
Thanks for the lift, bro.
RANDY
No prob. You’re right on the way.
RANDY (CONT’D)
So how big’s this place?
LEX LETHAL
Nice. Two, two-fifty...
(beat)
You been there. The Ricky Whipsaw
memorial benefit.
RANDY
(pleased)
That place?
LEX LETHAL
Should get a good gate. DiFusco
says he’s gotten like 20 calls last
two days alone.
28.
RANDY
God bless hardcore...
RANDY
Whatcha think?
LEX LETHAL
Cookie trays were better.
RANDY
Let’s see if they got extension
cords.
THE RING:
ANNOUNCER
Ladies and gentlemen...
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
From Elizabeth, New Jersey,
weighing in at 218 pounds... The
former WWF superstar and wrestling
legend... The one, the only...
(beat)
Randy “The Ram” Robinnnnsonnnnn!
THE GYM:
AC/DC
If you want blood, You got it!/
If you want blood, You got it!
AC/DC (CONT’D)
Blood on the streets, Blood on the
rocks/ Blood in the gutter, Every
last drop/ If you want blood, you
got it!!
Randy climbs into the ring. He does a few neck rolls and knee
bends, limbering up.
ANNOUNCER
And his opponent: From Hampton,
Virginia, weighing in at 295
pounds...
ANNOUNCER (CONT’D)
Hellbilly Cannibaaaal!
Hellbilly Cannibal climbs into the ring with his sack and a
folding chair. He heads to the center of the ring, where
Randy awaits.
Randy reaches into his Dollar Tree bag and pulls out an
aluminum COOKIE TRAY. He smacks Hellbilly Cannibal in the
face with it. The tray makes an awesomely loud METALLIC
CLANG. Randy hits him a bunch more times.
31.
Randy grabs the ladder resting along the base of the ring. He
POUNDS THE GARBAGE CAN with it, making an UNHOLY RACKET.
With the can still over his head, Hellbilly Cannibal rises to
his feet. He HEADBUTTS RANDY with the can. Randy, stumbling
around, gets headbutted again. Hellbilly Cannibal throws off
the can and drags Randy back to the ring by his hair,
carrying the ladder in his other hand.
HELLBILLY CANNIBAL
Is there a doctor?
Few fans look around. Most of them still think this is a gag.
Among those who sense it’s real is JERRY DIFUSCO, the event’s
promoter. He climbs into the ring. Kneels over Randy.
JERRY DIFUSCO
Randy. You okay?
Lex Lethal and some of the other wrestlers climb into the
ring. They huddle around Randy.
With no small effort, they lift Randy. They carry him to the
ropes. They slow, unsure how best to get him through.
LEX LETHAL
Put him down.
They lower him to the mat. Lex hops out of the ring and grabs
Randy’s ankles.
33.
JERRY DIFUSCO
Get back, get back, get back.
LEX LETHAL
You’re okay, buddy. Hang on.
Randy lies on a table, his eyes rolling back in his head. Lex
squeezes his hand, trying to keep him conscious.
LEX LETHAL
Stay with us, bro. Help’s coming.
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE TO BLACK.
Randy lies asleep. The breathing tube is out. The chest tube
is still in.
He faints.
RANDY
Call me Randy.
RANDY (CONT’D)
So how we lookin’, doc?
DR. TARACHANDANI
A lot better than before the
bypass.
RANDY
Great. So I’m all good.
DR. TARACHANDANI
Your heart... You’re going to have
to start taking much better care of
it.
RANDY
Like...
DR. TARACHANDANI
For starters, you must take your
medication every day.
RANDY
I could handle that.
DR. TARACHANDANI
No smoking.
(Randy nods)
And no cocaine.
35.
RANDY
(defensive, offended)
I don’t do coke.
DR. TARACHANDANI
It’s all over your blood work.
RANDY
(sheepish, busted)
Maybe once in a while.
DR. TARACHANDANI
Well, it has to be never.
RANDY
So, like, wrestling...
DR. TARACHANDANI
Not a good idea.
RANDY
What if I do it moderate? I could
hold back on certain moves. There’s
always ways to fake——
DR. TARACHANDANI
Mr. Ramovic...
RANDY
(edgy glare)
Randy.
DR. TARACHANDANI
Randy, a man with your heart should
not be flying around a ring
crashing into people.
RANDY
With all due respect, Dr...
(reads name tag,
mispronouncing)
...Trachanani, I’d like a second
opinion on that.
36.
DR. TARACHANDANI
Of course. But I promise you, any
doctor I showed your file would say
the same thing.
RANDY
I want a second opinion.
DR. TARACHANDANI
Your heart’s been through a lot.
Even before the heart attack, it
was significantly——
RANDY
I want a second opinion.
(beat)
I WANT A SECOND OPINION.
ADMISSIONS-DESK WOMAN
This is your copy.
She hands him a plain white ENVELOPE. Randy opens it. Inside
is a NOTE:
Randy looks into the envelope again and pulls out $300.
RANDY
Yeah.
Randy steps out of the hospital into the bright light of day.
He squints, his eyes adjusting. He stands there looking
around, a lost animal.
CUT TO:
Randy looks up. He heads down the aisle, toward the voice. He
comes to the...
PHARMACY COUNTER:
PHARMACIST
Robin Ramovic?
PHARMACIST (CONT’D)
Is that you?
RANDY
Yeah.
RAMOVIC, ROBIN
CUT TO:
RANDY
Yo, Adam!
RANDY (CONT’D)
Wanna play Nintendo?
ON TV:
Randy flies all over the ring, devastating his foe with a
series of acrobatic leaps and kicks and flips.
ADAM
What’s that square?
RANDY
What square?
ADAM
That you’re hitting me with.
RANDY
It’s a folding chair.
40.
ADAM
That’s a chair?
RANDY
(pissy)
Yes, it’s a chair.
ADAM
This is old.
RANDY
1988 ain’t old.
ADAM
That was, like, 50 years before I
was born.
RANDY
Shut up and fight.
ADAM
Coming!
RANDY
Ready?
ON TV:
Randy JUMPS. He flies high in the air, soaring over the mat
and crashing down on The Ayatollah horns-first. He pins The
Ayatollah as the ref counts to three for the victory. The
crowd goes wild.
41.
RANDY
One more?
ADAM
I gotta go.
RANDY
Don’t you wanna get even? I whipped
your butt.
ADAM
That’s okay.
He selects 1 PLAYER.
He starts to CRY.
Randy heads over. She gives him a friendly little cheek peck.
CASSIDY
Hey, sweetie. You’re back soon.
42.
RANDY
Ah, I was just in the neighborhood.
RANDY (CONT’D)
(”casual”)
Hey, feel like maybe grabbing a
burger?
Cassidy finds the offer a little odd. This isn’t how they
operate.
CASSIDY
I’m working.
RANDY
How ‘bout later, then?
CASSIDY
You okay?
RANDY
Can we talk for a sec?
CASSIDY
Sure. What’s up?
RANDY
Someplace more quiet.
CASSIDY
Randy, I can’t leave with a
customer.
Pause.
RANDY
I had a heart attack.
CASSIDY
Shit. When?
RANDY
I needed to talk to somebody.
CASSIDY
You can’t talk here?
43.
RANDY
Just a couple minutes.
CASSIDY
Randy, I don’t do that.
RANDY
Please.
Cassidy looks at him, torn. She sees the need, the fear in
his eyes.
CASSIDY
Where are you parked?
RANDY
In back.
CASSIDY
Go to your car. I’ll meet you out
there in 15 minutes.
RANDY
Thanks. I appreciate it.
CASSIDY
That’s okay.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
I’m sorry. That’s fucked up, dude.
Randy nods.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
When was it?
RANDY
Last week.
CASSIDY
You okay?
44.
RANDY
Yeah, yeah. Feelin’ much better.
CASSIDY
Good, good. What happened?
RANDY
It was while I was wrestling. I
collapsed in the ring.
CASSIDY
Oh, man. That’s terrible.
RANDY
Yeah, it was pretty fucked up.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Tell ya, though, it was a big hit
with the fans.
(amused grin)
Promoter told me everybody was
hanging around wondering if I was
okay, they wound up buying up all
of his T-shirts and shit. Whole
merch table got cleaned out.
CASSIDY
That’s funny.
RANDY
Doctor says I can’t wrestle no
more.
CASSIDY
Damn. What are you gonna do?
RANDY
I don’t know. I don’t know what to
do. If I can’t wrestle...
CASSIDY
It just happened. You don’t have to
figure everything out this second.
Give yourself some time.
RANDY
Time’s all I got. I just sit there
all day...
45.
CASSIDY
You really shouldn’t be alone right
now.
RANDY
That’s why I came to see you.
CASSIDY
(a little unnerved)
Randy...
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
I feel bad what happened. But you
and me... I can’t go there.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
You should be with family now. You
have a daughter, right? Where is
she?
RANDY
We don’t really get along too good.
CASSIDY
It doesn’t matter. You need her.
RANDY
(bitter chuckle)
She don’t need me.
CASSIDY
Everybody needs a father. Trust me.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
I’m sorry. I gotta get back in.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
You take care of yourself.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
You gonna be okay?
RANDY
I’m Randy The Ram. I’ve taken
bigger bumps than this.
CASSIDY
I’m sure.
RANDY
Maybe I’ll give my daughter a call.
CASSIDY
You should.
RANDY
Why the fuck not? I’m her father. A
person only gets one father in this
life.
CASSIDY
Exactly.
RANDY
Unless you’re adopted.
CASSIDY
You’re gonna be just fine.
RANDY
Definitely.
CUT TO:
STEPHANIE’S VOICE
This is Stephanie, you know what to
do.
(answering machine BEEP)
RANDY
(a little thrown)
Hey... Is Stephanie home?
THE WOMAN
Who can I say it is?
RANDY
Her father.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Where you going?
RANDY (CONT’D)
Stephanie!
STEPHANIE
What do you want?
RANDY
Can we talk?
STEPHANIE
Now’s really not a good time.
RANDY
Wait!
(chasing after her)
Where ya going?
RANDY (CONT’D)
You in school? That’s great.
RANDY (CONT’D)
What school?
No answer.
RANDY (CONT’D)
What school?
STEPHANIE
Middlesex County Community.
RANDY
Middlesex? That’s kind of a hike.
Where’s your car?
(no response)
You taking the bus? Lemme give you
a lift.
STEPHANIE
That’s okay.
RANDY
It’s no problem.
(beat)
Really. I’m parked right by.
49.
RANDY (CONT’D)
You’re walking pretty fast there.
You running late?
(no answer)
I could help you with that.
(no answer)
Give you a ride.
RANDY (CONT’D)
New Jersey Transit sucks!
And walking.
STEPHANIE
Left at the second stop sign.
RANDY
Yes, ma’am!
STEPHANIE
You gonna talk?
RANDY
There’s something I wanted to tell
you.
STEPHANIE
Okay...
RANDY
I had a heart attack.
(beat)
Last week.
50.
RANDY (CONT’D)
I wanna try to fix things.
STEPHANIE
You are such an asshole.
RANDY
(taken aback)
Why?
STEPHANIE
Now you wanna fix things. Now that
suddenly you’re all scared and
alone from your heart attack.
RANDY
What? No. It’s not like——
STEPHANIE
This is so fuckin’ you. You only
come around when you need something
from somebody, when they can do
something for you. Selfish fuck.
Good. Be alone.
She suddenly OPENS HER DOOR as the van is moving. She HOPS
OUT. Randy hits the brakes, alarmed.
RANDY
What are you doing?
Stephanie stumbles and falls. She gets up. Walks off in the
direction they came from.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Stephanie!
CUT TO:
Randy looks up and sees Scott Brumberg, the promoter from the
beginning. He’s wearing the same “BRUMBERG - 44” Mets jersey.
RANDY
Why not?
SCOTT BRUMBERG
Heard you collapsed at the DiFusco
show. Sounded pretty scary.
RANDY
Sold the shit outta that one.
SCOTT BRUMBERG
No way!
RANDY
I gotta give credit. DiFusco came
up with the idea. We’re setting up
an angle for a grudge match.
SCOTT BRUMBERG
Wow... Dude, you are good.
RANDY
What minivan?
52.
SCOTT BRUMBERG
The one I rented for Fanfest.
He hands it to Brumberg.
RANDY:
RANDY
Looks great.
53.
SCOTT BRUMBERG
Should get a pretty good crowd
today.
RANDY
I’ll start loosening up.
ON RANDY:
FAN
Thanks.
RANDY
You got it, broski.
The fan walks off. Randy tucks the fiver into the FANNY PACK
he’s wearing. There’s not much in there, just a meager few
ones and fives.
Randy zips up the fanny pack. He looks up, ready to sign more
autographs——just as soon as somebody comes over.
Randy looks down at the stack of Randy The Ram 8x10s on the
table. He gazes numbly at the high-flying image of himself
from 20 years earlier.
CUT TO:
CASSIDY
Would you like a lapdance, sweetie?
CUSTOMER
That’s okay.
CASSIDY
Would you like a lapdance?
GUY #1
Not right now.
She looks toward the other guy. Before she can even ask:
GUY #2
I’m good.
RANDY (O.S.)
Hey.
She turns and sees Randy. She’s happy to see him after the
string of no’s.
CASSIDY
Hey. How ya feeling?
RANDY
Better. Good.
CASSIDY
How’d it go with your daughter?
RANDY
(unconvincing)
Good. Fine.
CASSIDY
Yeah?
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
You sure?
Pause.
RANDY
Not too good, actually. She tore me
a new asshole.
CASSIDY
Shit. That sucks.
He nods dispiritedly.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
It’s tough. You can’t give up. You
gotta keep trying.
RANDY
I was thinking about maybe getting
her a present.
CASSIDY
That’s a great idea!
(beat)
What’s she into?
56.
RANDY
I’m not sure.
CASSIDY
How old is she?
RANDY
22, 23?
(beat)
22.
CASSIDY
What kind of music does she like?
RANDY
I don’t know.
CASSIDY
Is she into books? Cooking?
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
How could you not know? She’s your
daughter.
RANDY
I’m a shitty fuckin’ father.
CASSIDY
She’s 22? Okay...
(riffing)
You should get her some clothes,
some kinda clothes... All girls
like that.
RANDY
That could work.
CASSIDY
I know the perfect place. This kick-
ass little vintage shop in
Westfield.
RANDY
Yeah?
CASSIDY
Saturday’s the best time to go.
That’s when they get the new stuff
in, all these boxes full of great
shit.
57.
RANDY
Okay. Cool.
CASSIDY
I’ll write it down.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
I’m pretty sure it’s on 28.
RANDY
Good tip. Thanks.
CASSIDY
You got it.
RANDY
I’m gonna grab a drink at the bar.
Randy gets up and heads off toward the bar. She watches him
go, feeling rejected.
Cassidy gets up. CAMERA stays on her face as she does a lap
around the club. She glances back toward the bar.
She scans the room. A CUSTOMER is looking her way. She starts
to approach. Then, she STOPS. She looks back toward Randy
again. He’s sitting at the bar alone. She heads over to him.
RANDY (CONT’D)
That was fast.
CASSIDY
Listen...
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
How ‘bout I meet you there
Saturday? Help you out.
RANDY
Yeah?
58.
CASSIDY
(”casual”)
I’m actually gonna be running
around right in that area anyway,
so it’s not really a pain.
RANDY
All right. Thanks.
CASSIDY
No problem. You got it.
CUT TO:
WAYNE (O.S.)
Yeah?
RANDY
Hey, Wayne. Got a sec?
WAYNE
Not really. What?
RANDY
I was wondering if you had
something more steady. Full-time.
WAYNE
Only thing I got right now’s got
weekends.
RANDY
That works.
WAYNE
Isn’t that when you sit on other
dudes’ faces?
RANDY
What is it?
59.
WAYNE
Deli counter.
RANDY
So, like, working with customers?
WAYNE
All day long, hot horny housewives
begging for your meat.
(beat)
And prepared salads.
RANDY
That’s the only thing you got?
WAYNE
At the moment. You interested?
CASSIDY (O.S.)
Hey.
RANDY
Hey.
RANDY (CONT’D)
I almost didn’t recognize you. You
look all... clean.
CASSIDY
“Clean”?
RANDY
Like classy.
60.
CASSIDY
Gee, thanks.
RANDY
Nah, nah, I don’t mean that bad. I
like it.
(beat)
It’s like in “Grease”, where she
turns into the hot rock ‘n’ roll
chick at the end. Except backwards.
CASSIDY
Oh-kaay...
Randy looks at her sneakers, a far cry from the clear heels
he’s used to.
RANDY
So, uh... Should I call you Cassidy
or Pam?
CASSIDY
Pam.
(playful finger wag)
But don’t get used to it.
RANDY
This is awesome...
(rubs hands together,
psyched)
We are gonna find something great!
CASSIDY
Do you know her size?
RANDY
She’s kinda skinny, a little
shorter than you.
61.
CASSIDY
Could you see her in this?
RANDY
Maybe.
(beat)
Not really.
(beat)
I’m not sure.
CASSIDY
What about this?
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
So like, what is she? Goth? Punk?
Hippie?
(beat)
Preppy? Stoner?
RANDY
Not really...
RANDY (CONT’D)
Hey, Pam?
CASSIDY
Yeah?
RANDY
Thank you very much.
CASSIDY
You’re welcome.
RANDY
I think she might be a lesbian.
62.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Does that help?
MEN’S AREA:
RANDY
Ah, maybe she’s just a friend.
RANDY (CONT’D)
What’s that?
(pointing)
The green.
CASSIDY
(surprised)
This?
RANDY
It’s perfect.
CASSIDY
I agree.
RANDY
Thanks again.
CASSIDY
You found it.
RANDY
I never woulda known about this
place.
CASSIDY
Okay, I’ll give you that.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
Look, I...
RANDY
Man, I worked up a pretty good
thirst in there. What say we grab a
beer?
CASSIDY
I gotta get going.
RANDY
One beer! We gotta re-hydrate!
CASSIDY
I really can’t.
(beat)
I got a kid at home.
RANDY
You have a kid?
RANDY (CONT’D)
I had no idea.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Boy or girl?
CASSIDY
Boy. Daniel.
RANDY
How old?
64.
CASSIDY
Nine.
RANDY
Wow... I had no friggin’ idea.
CASSIDY
It’s not something I usually tell
customers. Not exactly a turn-on.
RANDY
Wait.
He unlocks the door. Leaning into the van, he TEARS THE RANDY
THE RAM ACTION FIGURE OFF THE DASHBOARD. He proudly,
excitedly holds it out to Cassidy.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Now both our kids got something.
RANDY (CONT’D)
You’re gonna turn this down, too?
Man, you’re rough!
CASSIDY
That’s very nice of you. Thank you.
RANDY
Tell him to take good care of that.
$300 bucks on eBay.
CASSIDY
Really?
RANDY
Nah.
CASSIDY
One beer.
65.
Randy and Cassidy are having beers at the bar. He’s holding
her CELLPHONE, looking at PICTURES of her son. He moves on to
the next one.
RANDY
He’s a good-lookin’ kid.
CASSIDY
I think so.
RANDY
I see where he gets it from.
CASSIDY
He sure doesn’t get it from his
douchebag father.
RANDY
What’s that?
CASSIDY
Just this condo thing, down by
Trenton.
RANDY
You moving there?
CASSIDY
Working on it.
(beat)
It’s a great area. Way cheaper. And
the schools are awesome.
RANDY
What about Cheetah’s?
CASSIDY
I’m done. I’m quitting.
RANDY
(a little disappointed)
Oh.
(nods to self)
Okay...
RANDY (CONT’D)
Hell, yeah.
RANDY (CONT’D)
C’mon. Let’s dance.
CASSIDY
Where?
RANDY
Right here.
CASSIDY
This isn’t a dance place.
RANDY
Who cares? Fuckin’ Def Lep!
CASSIDY
(chuckles)
I’ve danced to this plenty.
RANDY
Fine. Then I’m dancing for you.
CASSIDY
Is this a lapdance I’m getting?
RANDY
Just sit back and enjoy.
RANDY (CONT’D)
The lapdancer has become the
lapdanced.
CASSIDY
I think we can get you a shift.
Randy bobs his head along to the kick-ass Def Leppard tune,
really loving it.
RANDY
Take a bottle, shake it up/ Break
the bubble, break it u-up...
(chorus)
Pour some sugar on me! In the name
of love!
From here, the song veers off into a GUITAR PART. Randy nods
along, savoring the awesome hair-metal riffing.
RANDY
They don’t make ‘em like they used
to.
CASSIDY
Fuckin’ eighties, man. Best shit
ever.
RANDY
Def Lep, Gunners...
CASSIDY
The Crüe...
RANDY
Then that Cobain pussy had to come
around and ruin it all.
CASSIDY
Like there’s something wrong with
having a good time.
68.
RANDY
Fuckin’ mopey douchebag.
(beat)
“Ooh, look at me! I wear flannel!
I’m all depressed!”
CASSIDY
“I’m from Seattle! I like rain!”
RANDY
Nineties fuckin’ sucked.
CASSIDY
No shit...
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
No contact with the customers.
RANDY
You’re right. My bad.
CASSIDY
Shit.
RANDY
What’s up?
CASSIDY
(glancing at watch)
I totally didn’t realize the time.
RANDY
We just got here.
CASSIDY
I should get home.
RANDY
C’mon. You said one beer!
CASSIDY
Good night.
She gives him an arm pat and walks out of the bar. Randy is
impressed.
CUT TO:
WAYNE (O.S.)
Here ya go.
He turns and sees Wayne, who hands him something. Randy looks
at the item in his hand, vaguely bothered.
RANDY
I thought it was gonna say Randy.
WAYNE
Guess they got it off your W-4.
RANDY
Do I really even need to wear one?
WAYNE
(sarcastic)
Are you gonna be interacting with
our valued Shop-Rite customers?
RANDY
Yeah, but I——
WAYNE
Then yes.
70.
RANDY
Could they maybe re-do it?
WAYNE
Just wear the fucking thing.
Wayne walks off. Randy pins the name tag to his apron. He
takes another look in the mirror, sighing unhappily.
RANDY
Seventeen.
WOMAN
The Hudson Acres, are they all on
sale or just the regular?
WOMAN (CONT’D)
(holding up circular)
It’s a little unclear.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I’d prefer the maple-glazed, but if
it’s full price...
71.
RANDY
(to circular lady)
Hang on, let me...
RANDY (CONT’D)
(into phone, over
speakers)
Wayne, please come to the deli
counter.
RANDY (CONT’D)
It’ll just be a minute.
WOMAN
Which in your opinion is the best
smoked ham?
RANDY
I guess it depends what you like.
WOMAN
I tried the Apple Valley Farms
once, and it was very salty. Do you
find that?
RANDY
Forty-six.
WORKOUT WOMAN
Could I get a half-pound of the
pesto pasta salad?
72.
RANDY
Sure.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Pesto change-o.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Wow. I am good.
This gets Randy a small chuckle from the woman. Randy slaps a
price tag on the container.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Can I get you anything else?
YOUNG WOMAN
Nope. That’s it.
RANDY
You have yourself a nice day.
YOUNG WOMAN
(friendly smile)
I will. You, too.
RANDY
O-57.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Bingo!
HOUSEWIFE
What’s my prize?
RANDY
Anything in the case, sweetheart.
HOUSEWIFE
A pound of chopped liver and a half
a pound of egg salad.
RANDY
I think that can be arranged...
CUT TO:
STEPHANIE
What are you, stalking me?
RANDY
Do stalkers bring presents?
STEPHANIE
Sometimes.
RANDY
Well, I ain’t a stalker. But...
RANDY (CONT’D)
Open it.
She opens it. Inside is the green satin jacket. She holds it
up, trying to process.
RANDY (CONT’D)
The “S” is for “Stephanie”.
STEPHANIE
Oh. Okay.
She looks at the jacket. It’s nothing she would ever wear.
74.
RANDY
I got it just for you.
STEPHANIE
I see that. What’s it for?
RANDY
No reason. Just because. Do you
like it?
STEPHANIE
I do. It’s... shiny.
RANDY
I was looking in this store and saw
it, and I just said, “That is it.”
RANDY (CONT’D)
So what are you doing now?
STEPHANIE
What am I doing?
RANDY
Got any time? I was thinking we
could swing by our old favorite
spot.
STEPHANIE
We have an old favorite spot?
RANDY
You’ll remember when you see.
Whaddaya say?
STEPHANIE
Now’s not the best time. I’ve got
some things to do.
RANDY
What kinda things?
STEPHANIE
Stuff.
RANDY
You ain’t got stuff!
(beat)
C’mon, give an old man a break.
75.
RANDY
You really don’t remember?
STEPHANIE
No.
RANDY
Guess you were pretty young.
RANDY (CONT’D)
There used to be this funhouse.
(beat)
The Monster Motel...
RANDY (CONT’D)
They had this cheesy-ass skeleton
that popped out of a coffin. You’d
get so scared, you’d cry. Then
you’d beg to go in again.
STEPHANIE
(chuckles to self)
Always was a glutton for
punishment.
RANDY
You’d hop on my foot and wrap your
arms around my leg. I’d have to
walk you the whole way through like
that.
STEPHANIE
I totally don’t remember.
RANDY
(looks at her sweetly)
I do.
76.
RANDY
I accept your apology.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Not like that. I just mean... You
made amends. I free you.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Anything you’ve ever done or said
or thought, I forgive. You’ve done
nothing wrong to me. And anything
I’ve ever done...
(beat)
I’m sorry. Truly.
STEPHANIE
Thank you.
RANDY
I was young. My career was booming.
All those lights, the fans, the
crazy shit on the road... I wasn’t
thinking about my kid. Or my wife.
Stephanie nods.
RANDY (CONT’D)
My priorities were all fucked up. I
know that. But now... I wanna try
to make things right. I wanna try
to get to know you.
(lump in throat)
I just hope it’s not too late.
Randy gazes off at the ocean, filled with fear and love and
regret. A tear starts to gather in his eye. He wipes it away
before it has a chance to form.
RANDY
Hope that wasn’t too painful.
STEPHANIE
It was okay.
RANDY
Well...
RANDY (CONT’D)
Bye.
STEPHANIE
Bye.
Another pause.
RANDY
So... How about dinner sometime?
STEPHANIE
Dinner?
RANDY
Maybe Tuesday?
STEPHANIE
I’m sorry. I don’t think so.
RANDY
(nodding, “casual”)
Or not. That’s cool, whatever...
STEPHANIE
Wednesday would work better.
RANDY
Yo, Miggy. Ram. How ya doin’?
(beat)
Good, good.
(beat)
Listen, you’re gonna have to count
me out for Utica.
(momentous pause)
I’m retiring.
Another call.
RANDY
Hey, how ya doin’, Frank?
(beat)
Good, good. Listen...
RANDY
Sorry, Volp. You know I’d kill to
do it.
(beat)
I realize. I understand.
(beat)
No more. I’m done. I’m retired.
(beat)
Positive. It’s time to move on.
RANDY (O.S.)
Hey. Over here.
She looks toward the voice, coming from another side of the
stage.
RANDY
Open it.
CASSIDY
I’ll do it later when it’s quiet.
RANDY
I wanna watch.
Randy watches excitedly as she reads the inside. She puts the
it down after reading it.
CASSIDY
That’s very sweet. Thank you.
RANDY
Thank you. I couldn’t’ve done it
without you.
CASSIDY
I’m glad I could help.
80.
RANDY
It was fun, right? We had a good
time.
RANDY (CONT’D)
(fishing)
Shopping...
RANDY (CONT’D)
Hey, you ever been to Mother
Kelly’s?
CASSIDY
On 46?
RANDY
They got this kick-ass cover band
Tuesday nights. Play anything you
can think of. What do you say we——
CASSIDY
Randy.
RANDY
What?
CASSIDY
I can’t do this.
RANDY
Do what?
CASSIDY
(”you and me” gesture)
This.
RANDY
I thought we had a little something
going here.
CASSIDY
I think you’re awesome. You’re a
great guy.
RANDY
But...
81.
CASSIDY
You think I’m, like, this stripper,
but I’m not. I’m a mom, with
responsibilities. I don’t think you
wanna get with that.
RANDY
What if I do?
CASSIDY
I can’t go there.
RANDY
What about the other day?
CASSIDY
That was a mistake.
RANDY
Why? How?
CASSIDY
The club and the real world, they
can’t mix.
RANDY
What if we’d met someplace else?
CASSIDY
We didn’t.
RANDY
But what if we did?
CASSIDY
We didn’t.
RANDY
What if we did?
CASSIDY
We didn’t.
RANDY
You say I don’t know you, but you
won’t let me get to know you.
CASSIDY
You’re a customer. You’re just a
fucking customer. That’s it. Okay?
Got it?
RANDY
Yeah.
(beat)
I got it.
CASSIDY
What’s that for?
RANDY
A lapdance.
RANDY (CONT’D)
You’re refusing a customer?
RANDY (CONT’D)
Gimme a lapdance.
RANDY (CONT’D)
What? Am I a customer or not?
CASSIDY
Stop it.
RANDY
What’s the matter?
(no answer)
Not in the mood?
(no answer)
So fake it. I’m just a stupid
customer.
CASSIDY
Stop.
RANDY
It doesn’t mean anything.
RANDY (CONT’D)
C’mon, give the customer a
lapdance. Shake your tits. Smile.
83.
CASSIDY
Fuck off.
RANDY
Pretend you like him.
CASSIDY
Fuck off.
RANDY
I want a lapdance.
She SWATS HIS HAND. The $20 falls to the floor. He picks it
up and SLAMS IT on the bar.
RANDY (CONT’D)
I WANT A LAPDANCE!
CUT TO:
RANDY
Can I help who’s next?
OLD LADY
Pound of German potato salad,
please.
RANDY
Have a nice day.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Can I help who’s next?
CUSTOMER
Yeah, could I get a...
CUSTOMER (CONT’D)
Do I know you from somewhere?
RANDY
I don’t think so.
CUSTOMER
You look so damn familiar.
(racking his brain)
You Teamsters?
RANDY
Sorry, man. What can I getcha?
CUSTOMER
Half pound of Virginia ham and a
half pound of the Jarlsberg.
Randy reaches into the case and pulls out a ham. He brings it
over to the slicer, his back turned away from the guy.
RANDY
Nah.
CUSTOMER (O.S.)
You’re not one of Mikey Bosch’s
buddies, are you?
Randy, shaking his head no, brings the sliced ham over to the
weigh scale. The guy SNAPS HIS FINGERS.
CUSTOMER (CONT’D)
Wait a sec.
CUSTOMER (CONT’D)
Randy The Ram?
RANDY
Huh?
CUSTOMER
The old wrestler. From the ’80s.
CUSTOMER (CONT’D)
(forms Ram horns)
Ram Jam!
Randy grabs the Jarlsberg from the case and brings it over to
the slicer. He starts slicing.
CUT TO:
86.
ON TV:
RANDY:
RANDY
(cups hand to ear)
What’s that?
Randy grabs the top rope and gives it a hard shake. Loosening
up with some neck rolls and trunk twists, he heads to the
center of the ring.
RANDY (CONT’D)
(announcer-like)
Folks, we are ready to rumble...
RANDY (CONT’D)
I’ve never seen such determination!
RANDY (CONT’D)
Sleeper claw!
Randy flips his opponent upside down, his head between his
knees. He drops him headfirst onto the bed/mat.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Piledriver!
(beat)
Just listen to this place!
Randy scoops up his opponent again and SLAMS HIM TO THE MAT
with another fancy move.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Powerbomb!
RANDY
Get in the ring! Get in the ring!
Get in the ring! Get in the ring!
CUT TO:
SCOTT BRUMBERG
Ram!
RANDY
Yo, Brummy.
SCOTT BRUMBERG
How’s tricks? Good to see ya, man.
RANDY
Yeah, good, good.
SCOTT BRUMBERG
So what brings ya by?
RANDY
Well... I was thinking about maybe
doing a reffing gig.
SCOTT BRUMBERG
I thought you’re retired.
RANDY
No wrestling, just reffing. Thought
it might be fun. Shits ‘n’ giggles.
SCOTT BRUMBERG
See what we got...
CUT TO:
BOOKER D (O.S.)
Randy The Ref!
RANDY
‘Sup, bro?
89.
BOOKER D
Me and McPride was going over
spots. We got this dope idea how to
work you in.
RANDY
I really ain’t lookin’ to mix it up
tonight.
BOOKER D
You’re gonna love this. Check it
out. So McPride——
RANDY
That’s okay. You guys do your
thing.
RANDY
One!... Two!...
JUMPS IN.
CUT TO:
BOOKER D
What a screwjob.
SHAWN MCPRIDE
Crowd was pissed.
BOOKER D
(wags finger, grins)
Just reffing, my ass. I knew you’d
get in there.
SHAWN MCPRIDE
Y’all feel like grabbing a drink?
McPride and Booker D both look toward Randy. He’s the one
they’re interested in hanging with.
CUT TO:
RANDY
By the time Ruckus fixes the tire,
we’ve had so many Nyquil coladas we
don’t even realize we missed the
damn gig!
RANDY (CONT’D)
Swear to God. Can’t make stuff like
that up.
91.
BOOKER D
Yo, tell McPride shit-pit!
SHAWN MCPRIDE
Shit pit?
RANDY
You never heard that one?
RANDY (CONT’D)
Oh, man, fuckin’ classic.
(beat)
1990. Nashville Coliseum, Rage In
The Cage II. I’m in the locker room
shaving when behind me the stall
door opens. I turn and there’s
Chris Columbo on the can taking a
dump. He goes, “This is for
Petrov”, fuckin’ wipes his ass,
takes the shit-covered toilet paper
and rubs it in his armpit. Five
minutes later, he’s in the ring
with Petrov in a headlock, poor
Petrov stuck there in CC’s pit
lookin’ like he’s gonna puke!
BOOKER D
Fuckin’ classic.
BOOKER D (CONT’D)
Ring rats, 12 o’clock.
The wrestlers are dancing with the women, MELISSA and ALYSSA,
on the bar’s dance floor. Melissa is sandwiched between
Booker D and McPride, shaking her ass for them like a 19-year-
old spring breaker.
ALYSSA
I know who you are.
ALYSSA (CONT’D)
My brother used to have your poster
on his door.
RANDY
Dude’s got taste.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Who’s that?
ALYSSA
A.J. My old coke dealer.
ALYSSA (CONT’D)
I don’t do that anymore.
RANDY
Me neither.
ALYSSA
Oh, Gawddd...
WOMAN (O.S.)
(through door)
Could you please fuck someplace
else? I gotta piss.
CUT TO:
BLACK SCREEN.
RANDY’S POV: His eyes slowly open. Staring down at him from a
white stucco ceiling is a poster of a HUNKY, SHIRTLESS
FIREMAN with a pair of suspenders stretched across his oiled-
up six pack. Across the bottom it says FIVE-ALARM FIRE.
ROOMMATE
Alyssa’s in the shower.
RANDY’S POV: The old photo of him and Stephanie on the fridge
door.
CUT TO:
RANDY
Hey.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Is Stephanie home?
She goes into the house, closing the door behind her. Randy
stands there awkwardly, unsure what that meant.
THE FRIEND
You don’t have to go out there. You
don’t owe him shit.
STEPHANIE
I know that.
THE FRIEND
Then why would you even——
(looks up toward front
door)
Who said you could come in?
STEPHANIE
Please leave my house.
RANDY
I’m so, so sorry. I completely,
totally——
95.
THE FRIEND
Get the fuck out of here!
STEPHANIE
(to The Friend)
I can handle this.
THE FRIEND
Obviously not.
STEPHANIE
(teeth gritted)
I can handle this, Jen.
The Friend, disgusted, grabs her coat and STORMS OFF out the
front door.
Randy and Stephanie are alone. She glares at him for what
feels like a long time.
STEPHANIE (CONT’D)
You’re such a fucking asshole.
RANDY
I feel horrible.
STEPHANIE
I waited in that restaurant two
hours. Two fucking hours. Just in
case you showed up late. “Maybe he
got stuck in traffic. Maybe I got
the time wrong”...
(beat)
Nope.
RANDY
I know I fucked up. I fucked up
bad.
STEPHANIE
You didn’t fuck up. You are a fuck-
up. A walking, living, breathing
fuck-up.
RANDY
I’m trying to change. Really. I
can’t stand when I——
STEPHANIE
Just please shut the fuck up.
Because I can’t even stand the
sound of your voice.
(seething)
(MORE)
96.
STEPHANIE (CONT'D)
I thought about having a drink for
the first time in 11 months last
night. That’s what you do to me.
(beat)
You asshole!
She grabs a SMALL POTTED PLANT off the table and THROWS IT AT
HIM. It NARROWLY MISSES HIS HEAD, exploding against the wall.
STEPHANIE (CONT’D)
Fucking piece-of-shit asshole!
She grabs a CAN OF SODA off the same table and THROWS IT. It
NAILS HIM IN THE THIGH, exploding open on the floor. Soda
sprays everywhere.
RANDY
Jesus! Stop!
STEPHANIE
Get off me!
RANDY
Calm down!
STEPHANIE
GET THE FUCK OFF ME!
RANDY
Calm down!
STEPHANIE
(thrashing violently)
I HATE YOU!
RANDY
You don’t mean that!
STEPHANIE
FUCKING HATE YOU!
RANDY
YOU DON’T MEAN IT!
STEPHANIE
I don’t mean it?
97.
STEPHANIE (CONT’D)
You’re right. I don’t.
STEPHANIE (CONT’D)
I don’t know why I got so
hysterical. There’s no reason. I
don’t hate you. I don’t love you. I
don’t like you. I was stupid to
think you could change.
RANDY
I can change.
STEPHANIE
I don’t care.
RANDY
I know I can.
STEPHANIE
Doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I’m
done.
(beat)
No more fixing it. It’s broke.
Permanently. I’m cool with it. It’s
better that way.
STEPHANIE (CONT’D)
I don’t want to ever see you again.
I don’t wanna see you, I don’t want
to hear you...
(beat)
Done. You understand?
Randy doesn’t.
STEPHANIE (CONT’D)
Actually, I don’t care if you
understand.
STEPHANIE (CONT’D)
Goodbye.
98.
STEPHANIE
You can come home.
(beat)
He’s gone.
CUT TO:
WAYNE
Let’s pick it up. Rush hour.
Wayne gives him TWO QUICK CLAPS and walks off. Randy adjusts
the machine’s setting and begins to slice. He isn’t moving
much faster.
WAYNE (CONT’D)
(conscious of customers
watching)
Let’s get that patched up.
RANDY
(striking wrestling pose)
Let’s get it onnn!
WAYNE
Somebody call the cops!
SUPERMARKET AISLE:
He likes it.
CUT TO:
RANDY
Nick. Randy The Ram...
(beat)
I wanna do it.
(beat)
Fanfest.
(beat)
I know, but I want back in.
(beat)
So call Bob, get the match back on.
(beat)
Pay me? Don’t worry. Just cover my
expenses. And pay Bob. Make sure
he’s there.
(beat)
I don’t give a shit. I just wanna
wrestle.
CASSIDY
Hi.
RANDY
How’d you find me?
CASSIDY
Big Chris. Cheetah’s bouncer.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
Look, I’m sorry if I came off like
a bitch. I didn’t mean that stuff I
said. You’re not just a customer.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
I’m sure it seems retarded, but I
gotta keep that line. It’s how I’ve
been able to live with myself the
last 12 years.
CASSIDY
There’s a place I’m trying to get
to in my life. For me and my son.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
I’m leaving that world behind. And
I can’t bring anybody with me who——
102.
RANDY
(doesn’t really care)
Good for you. Quitting’s hard.
CASSIDY
Where are you going?
RANDY
Got a match.
He grabs the Fanfest flyer off the passenger seat and hands
it to her.
RANDY (CONT’D)
See ya later.
He DRIVES OFF. She watches him go, the van kicking up dust in
its wake.
Cassidy grabs her purse and car keys off the kitchen table.
CASSIDY
In bed by 11. Don’t let him
bargain.
LIVING ROOM:
CASSIDY
Bye, monkey...
103.
Cassidy, wearing her coat, steps through the curtain with the
bag.
CASSIDY
(to self)
Pam.
104.
STEPHANIE’S VOICE
This is Stephanie, you know what to
do.
(answering machine BEEP)
RANDY
It’s me. I promise I won’t call you
ever again.
(beat)
I’m going back to the ring. You
were right about me. Everything you
said. Anyway... I just wanted you
to know...
(beat)
Your daddy loves you.
(beat)
That’s all.
He hangs up.
CASSIDY
There’s waffles in the freezer and
some burritos if he wants for
lunch. He knows where.
(beat)
I’m not sure what time I’ll be
headed back yet. I’ll keep you
posted as I go.
THE AYATOLLAH
That makes two in Columbus, one in
Dayton. Next 12 months, I’d say
Cincy’s not out of the question.
OTHER WRESTLER
(not too interested)
Wow...
THE AYATOLLAH
Ram-A-Lam.
RANDY
(shakes Ayatollah’s hand)
What’s up, Bob?
(shakes other guy’s hand)
Yo, Carl.
THE AYATOLLAH
Good to see ya, bro. Didn’t think
we were gonna do this.
RANDY
Yeah, well, I’m here.
THE AYATOLLAH
Thursday night, I get a call, “It’s
on! He’s back in!” I’m like “What?”
RANDY
When you get settled in, we should
go over things.
THE AYATOLLAH
What things?
RANDY
Y’know, the spots.
THE AYATOLLAH
Ah, we can just wing it.
RANDY
You don’t wanna hash it out?
THE AYATOLLAH
It’ll be fine.
RANDY
We should have at least a basic
plan.
THE AYATOLLAH
How’s this: I’m the heel, you’re
the face. Done.
Cassidy pulls into a gas station. She rolls down the window.
CASSIDY
Excuse me.
CASSIDY (CONT’D)
Do you know where the Civic
Auditorium is?
107.
Cassidy pulls into the lot. There’s a lot more cars than when
Randy pulled in.
RANDY
Ready to do this?
THE AYATOLLAH
Believe so.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
(through curtain)
From the Islamic Republic of Iran,
weighing in at 252 pounds... The
Tehran Terror, the Beast Of The
Middle East...
(beat)
The Ayaaa-tooo-laaaaaah!
108.
CASSIDY
Excuse me.
CASSIDY (O.S.)
Randy.
RANDY
What are you doing here?
CASSIDY
Don’t do this. This is dumb.
RANDY
This ain’t the best time to talk.
RANDY (CONT’D)
What about your heart?
RANDY (CONT’D)
I’ll be fine.
CASSIDY
I thought the doctor...
RANDY
They always say that. Whatever you
got.
CASSIDY
You could really hurt yourself.
109.
RANDY
I know what I’m doing in there.
(turns vaguely sad)
Out here’s where I get hurt.
CASSIDY
Out here’s what counts. The real
world.
RANDY
Fuck the real world. Nobody gives a
shit about me in the real world.
CASSIDY
I quit my job, drove 14 hours
through the night to get here. What
do you call that?
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
(from auditorium)
And his opponent...
RANDY
(points to curtain)
Listen to them! This is where I’m
great. This is where I belong.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
From Elizabeth, New Jersey,
weighing in at 219 pounds...
RANDY
I gotta go.
CASSIDY
Randy. Please.
RANDY
I’ll see you after the show.
CASSIDY
(grabs him)
No.
110.
RANDY
Enjoy the show.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
A true wrestling immortal, one of
the greatest of all time...
(beat)
Randy “The Ram” Robinnnnsonnnnn!
He steps through.
COMMENTATOR #1
There he is, folks! Randy The Ram!
COMMENTATOR #2
History about to be made here at
the Greenville Civic Auditorium.
Randy takes a long lap around the ring, ramming chair after
chair. His head gets a little bloody. The fans eat it up.
RANDY
I just got one thing to say to you
people...
111.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Thank you.
RANDY (CONT’D)
You take your lumps and bruises in
this game. But you know what? It’s
all worth it. Because of you guys.
Your cheers keep me young. They
make me feel alive.
(beat)
In 1982, the year I wrestled my
first professional match, I was six-
foot-one. By 1993, I was five-foot-
eleven. Three back surgeries in 11
years knocked two full inches off
my height. I may be down to five-
eleven, but performing in front of
you people has always made me feel
10 feet tall. And that’s the way
it’s always gonna be.
RANDY (CONT’D)
Forever.
Randy lowers the mike, finished. The fans CHEER WILDLY, the
loudest cheers yet.
Fans shout, trying to warn Randy about the sneak attack, but
he doesn’t hear them.
The Ayatollah SMASHES HIM OVER THE HEAD. Randy goes down. The
match is on.
The Ayatollah picks up Randy and throws him into the ropes.
Randy bounces back toward The Ayatollah, who lazily puts up
an elbow for Randy to run into. Randy practically has to lead
his face to the elbow. Hitting the mat, Randy pops back up
and grabs The Ayatollah.
RANDY (CONT’D)
(under breath)
You’re workin’ pretty light here.
THE AYATOLLAH
Jesus. Relax.
Randy flips The Ayatollah over onto his back, pinning his
shoulder blades. The REF swoops in.
REFEREE
One!... Two!...
The Ayatollah KICKS OUT. They both get up. The Ayatollah jogs
toward the ropes. He bounces off. Randy braces for something
good, but all he gets is a feeble CHEST SLAP. Randy grabs The
Ayatollah and puts him in a headlock.
RANDY
Anytime you wanna join in.
Randy scoops up The Ayatollah and drops him over his knee
with a BACKBREAKER. The Ayatollah grimaces in pain as he hits
the mat. Before he has a chance to get up, Randy hits him
with a FLYING ELBOW DROP.
ENTRANCE CURTAIN:
THE RING:
THE AYATOLLAH
That better?
RANDY
Much.
113.
The Ayatollah picks up Randy and throws him into the ropes.
Randy bounces back, flinging himself sideways at The
Ayatollah. The Ayatollah catches him in mid-air, cradling him
in his arms. The Ayatollah drops Randy onto his bent knee.
Randy falls to the canvas, clutching his side. The Ayatollah
falls on top of him.
THE AYATOLLAH
Forgot how much fun this is.
REFEREE
One!... Two!...
ENTRANCE CURTAIN:
THE RING:
THE AYATOLLAH
Pathetic.
(”spits” on Randy)
Pitiful godless infidel!
THE CROWD:
The Ayatollah takes the butt end of his flag pole and JABS IT
into Randy’s side. Randy grimaces in pain.
The Ayatollah unties the flag from its pole and WRAPS IT
around Randy’s neck. He JERKS UPWARD on the flag, lifting
Randy off the mat by his neck. Randy THRASHES AROUND,
fighting for breath.
THE RING:
ENTRANCE CURTAIN:
CASSIDY
Randy!
THE RING:
THE AYATOLLAH
(under breath)
Wanna take it home?
CASSIDY
Stop it! Stop it, Randy!
RANDY
It’s time.
THE AYATOLLAH
All you, bro. Lead the way.
115.
COMMENTATOR #1 (O.S.)
Dropkick!
(a second one)
And another!
(a third one)
And another!
His heart is POUNDING. The fans sense it’s near the end. A
chant rises:
CROWD (O.S.)
Ram Jam! Ram Jam! Ram Jam!...
COMMENTATOR #2 (O.S.)
Just listen to this crowd!
THE AYATOLLAH
If you ain’t up to it...
CROWD (O.S.)
Ram Jam! Ram Jam! Ram Jam!...
Randy looks around at the crowd, chanting, hungry for the Ram
Jam. He looks The Ayatollah in the eye.
RANDY
Let’s do this.
Randy gets up. He lifts The Ayatollah off the mat, locking up
with him chest-to-chest. He arches his back and thrusts his
hips. The Ayatollah’s feet fly off the canvas as his legs
whip into the air. His body does a COMPLETE FLIP as he slams
onto his back. Randy stays with him, his body contorting in a
tight BACK FLIP as he CRASHES DOWN on top of him.
COMMENTATOR #1 (O.S.)
Lateral drop!
Randy looks out at the crowd. The whole place is on its feet.
CROWD (O.S.)
Ram Jam! Ram Jam! Ram Jam!...
THE AYATOLLAH
Y’okay?
Randy looks out at the crowd again. The fans are in a frenzy.
CROWD (O.S.)
RAM JAM! RAM JAM! RAM JAM!...
GETS UP.
ON CASSIDY:
ON RANDY:
HALLWAY:
THE RING:
ON RANDY:
Randy raises his arms and sticks his elbows out, pressing his
fists to the sides of his head to form a set of RAM’S HORNS.
COMMENTATOR #2 (O.S.)
Uh-oh, the horns are out...
He SMILES.
COMMENTATOR #1 (O.S.)
Here we go...
He LEAPS.
END.