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Palmdale High School

Honors and Advanced Placement
Writing Handbook
Second Edition
2016-2017

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Table of Contents
Topic

Page

Fatal Flaws3
MLA Made Simple...4
Sample Works Cited Page...10
Revision Checklist .11
Cohesion Chart/ Transitions.18
Survival Guide to Embedding Quotes17
Writing Sentence Stems ..29
Active Verbs ..33
Tone Words 34

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*Note to all classes: You must write your essays in MLA format. Also, make
sure to address all parts of the thesis.

Freshmen

Use homonyms correctly

For example:
o
o
o
o

a lot and allot (also, remember that a lot is two words)

to, too and two
your and youre
their, there, and theyre

Use correct capitalization and end

punctuation

Eliminate contractions in formal writing

o
For example, use do not instead of dont.

Essay must have a thesis statement

SophomoresThe above plus. . .

Use apostrophes correctly.

o

Marys book not Marys book.

Eliminate second person

Correct use of italics/underlining and

quotations with titles.
JuniorsThe above plus. . .

Eliminate run-on sentences through the

use of proper punctuation and transitions.
Seniors
The above plus. . .

Reduce the frequent use of be verb

(passive voice)
For Example:
o
is, was, were, be, being, been, am, are (including
contractions using these words).

Eliminate the use of first person

(First person is only appropriate in the autobiography and business letter

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MLA Made Simple

By: Nan Morris
MLA is the overarching guidelines for the format of all humanities papers. It is the format
adopted by AVHSD for all school papers.

Basic Rules

All margins are one inch (top, bottom, right, left) Word occasionally defaults to
1.25, you must change it.

All papers are double spaced, in Times New Roman Font (or similar Sans Serif
Font), size 12

Numbers zero through ninety-nine must be written out.

There are no title pages.

Header

Heading is the first four lines of the left-hand side YMCA

o Your (student) Name
o My Teachers Name
o Class Name (English 10, Biology)
o Assignment Date (DD MMM YYYY)

The title is on the fifth line centered, without any markings (no italics or quote
marks) unless student is using the title of a published text in the title.

Example of proper layout including header and title:

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Last name of student and page # should be in the upper right-hand corner of the
paper on every page (this includes the Works Cited pages).

How to Indicate Works/Sources

Whole works (books, magazines, CDs, movies, web pages) are italicized
(underlining is no longer acceptable)
Titanic
The Great Gatsby
Time Magazine

Part works/small works works that are a part of something larger (chapters,
songs, poems, short stories, articles, episodes)
The Gene Controversy
Those Winter Sundays
Ms. Jackson

In-Text Citation

Quotes inside the paper must be cited in-text also called parenthetically in
parenthesis directly after the quote.
o Punctuation (unless directly from quote) goes AFTER the citation.

Use the first part of the entry on the Work Cited page in the parenthesis at the
end of the quote.

Use the following in-text format for the different types of works:

print & e-print articles and books: (last name #)

When you have multiple sources from same author: (last name, article title #)
if multiple books, the same format but book title instead.

Web: (Page Name) NOT url/address

Personal Interview: (last name)

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If you mention the author in the sentence before quoting, then all that is required
in the parenthesis is the page number where applicable.

If paraphrasing/summarizing information the text/source must be parenthetically

cited at the end of the paragraph. You are using someone elses idea, therefore it MUST
be cited or it is plagiarism.

Your commentary must then follow the paraphrase, like any quote the statement
must be explained and upon by you.

Works Cited Page

Title of page is Works Cited (if multiple sources), no bold, quote marks, italics or
underlining.

Sources should only be works you actually used in the paper.

Entries are listed in alphabetical order by the first word in the citation.

There are no bullets, numbers or letters.

The title of the page is Works Cited, with no quote marks, underlining, italicizing
or bolding.

The title is centered, the page is double spaced.

If an entry goes beyond one line, all other lines of that entry are indented one tab
in a reverse indentation. See above.
You may have to trick the computer into reverse indentation:
o At the end of the first line of the citation, hit enter
o The second (and additional) line(s) will one tab, leaving the first line properly at the left
side.
Basics (some things have changed)
The page is double spaced.
Italics are now used everywhere, no underlining at all.
Every entry has a medium of publication designation placed at the end of the citation,
such as: Print, Web, Radio, Television, CD, Audiocassette, Film, Videocassette, DVD,
Performance, Lecture, and PDF file.
Online sources do not require a URL or the location of the database (library name etc).

Book
Last name, first name. Title of Book. Place (city only): Publisher (name only), Year. Print.
Example:

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Bradbury, Ray. Fahrenheit 451. New York: DelRay, 1985. Print.

Book With Two or More Authors

Last name, first name, and First name last name. Title of Book. Place (city only): Publisher
(name only), Year. Print.
Example:
Eggins, Suzanne, and Diana Slade. Casual Conversation. London: Cassell, 1997. Print.

Article in a Reference Book (encyclopedia, dictionary etc.)

Name of article. Name of Reference Book. Edition. Year. Print.
Example:
Ginsburg, Ruth Bader. Whos Who in America. 56th ed. 2002. Print.

Article in a Magazine (omit articles in the masthead; notice no period after paper
title)
Last, First. Article. Magazine DD MMM. YYYY: pages. Print.
Example:
Mehta, Pratap Bhanu. Exploding Myths. New Republic 6 Jun. 1998: 17-19. Print.

Article in a Newspaper (omit articles in the masthead; notice no period after

paper title)
Last, first. Article. Name of paper DD MMM. YYYY, edition: Page. Print.

Example:
Jeromack, Paul. This Once, a David of the Art World Does Goliath a Favor. New York
Times 13 Jul. 2002, late ed.: B7+. Print.

Personal (Telephone, email) Interviews

Last, first. Personal Interview. DD MMM. YYYY.
Example:
Macon, Nan. Personal Interview. 17 Oct. 2005.

Web Site
Web page name (title of particular page). Sponsor, Publisher, DD MMM. YYYY (published
or
updated). Web. DD MMM. YYYY (you accessed/found it).
Example:

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Margaret Sanger Project. History Dept., New York U, 18 Oct. 2000. Web. 9 Feb. 2009.

Online Periodical (article) not all domain names include the .com/.org etc
ending.
Last, first. Article Name. Name of website. Publisher, DD MMM YYYY (published or
updated). Web. DD MMM. YYYY (you accessed it).
Example:
Cohen, Elizabeth. Five Ways to Avoid Germs While Traveling. CNN.com. CNN, 27 Nov.
2008. Web. 28 Nov. 2008.

Online Database Article

Same as the original text format, then provide the database name in italics, list as web
and give the date of access.
Example:
Johnson, Kirk. The Mountain Lions of Michigan. Endangered Species Update 19.2 (2002):
27.1. GaleNet. Web. 26 Feb. 2009.
Abbreviations
Use if information is unavailable, especially for online sources:
n.p. if no publisher or sponsor
n.d. if there is no date of publication or update
n.pag. if there are no page numbers available for an online journal or article from a
database

Example:
Shiva, Vandana. Bioethics: A Third World Issue. Native Web. Native Web, n.d. Web. 22
Feb. 2006.

A Film or Video Recording

Name of Film. Dir. first and last name of director(s). Perf. First and last name of main actor,
first and last name of main actor, and first and last name of main actor. Distributor, YYYY.
Format.
Example:
Elizabeth. Dir. Shekhar Kapur. Perf. Cate Blanchett, Geoffrey Rush, Christopher Eccleston,
Joseph Fiennes, John Gielgud, and Richard Attenborough. Universal, 1998. DVD.

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You must include the abbreviations Dir. for director and Perf. for performers before
those names.
Adjust the number of actors included based on the individual film, some will have more
actors that need to be listed, others will have fewer which actors to include can usually be
determined by whos name appears before the title of the film on screen. List the actors in
that order, not alphabetically.
Format means the format in which you viewed it: DVD, VHS, Streaming

Youtube
Editor, author, or compiler name (if available). "Posting Title." Name of Site. Version
number (if indicated). Name of institution/organization affiliated with the site (sponsor or
publisher), date of resource creation/posting (if available). Web. DD MMM YYYY (Date of
access).
Example:
Boise State Foundation. "Boise State University Honors College." YouTube. n.p. 09 Feb.
2009. Web. 16 Dec. 2009.

A Lecture, a Speech, or an Address (Class Notes)

Last name, First name of speaker. Title of Oral Presentation. Meeting Name. Sponsoring
Organization. Location. DD MMM. YYYY.
If the presentation has no title, use an appropriate descriptive label, do not italicize or use
quote marks.
Example:
Falcon, Jannette. Fundamentals of Chemestry. AP Chemistry. Palmdale High School.
Palmdale, CA. 13 Sep. 2013.

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1 inch margins
Your last name Pg #
Align left

Works Cited

Amos, Tori. Little Earthquakes. Sword and Stone. 1991.

Atwell, Nancie. In the Middle. 2nd ed. Portsmouth: Heinemann, 1998.
Barber, Benjamin R. America Skips School. Writing Lives: Exploring Literacy
indent:
1 tab

and Community. Ed. Sara Gaines et al. New York: St. Martins, 1996. 282-293.
Documents from Chinese Political History. Human Heritage Course
Readings. 1997: 11-19.
Elbow, Peter. Reflections on Academic Discourse: How It Relates to
Freshmen and Colleagues. Academic Discourse: Reading and Writing in
College. Karen Spear, Carol Smith eds. 1996. 208-225.
Fort Lewis College. Human Heritage Course Readings. 1997.
Garnes, Sara et al. eds. Writing Lives: Exploring Literacy and
Community. New York: St. Martins, 1996.
Gee, James Paul. What Is Literacy? Scholarly Habits of Mind: Reading
and Writing in College. Karen Spear; Carol Smith, eds.1997:140-146.
Lueders, Edward. Your Poem, Man. . . Teacher handouts, 1994.
Smith, Karen; Carol Smith. Scholarly Habits of Mind: Reading and Writing in
College. 1997.
---. Academic Discourse: Reading and Writing in College. 1996. 2008

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Revision Checklist
Choose at least five of the following revisions to do on every rough draft. Your final draft should
include obvious changes from your rough draft.

Checklist

Examples
For Fiction

For Non-fiction

1. Rewrite your attention grabber

(introduction)
Start with a description of the setting
using sensory details.
Start with a character in action.
Start with a characters thoughts or a
description of the characters.

2. Rewrite your clincher (conclusion)

Start with a final description of a
setting
Conclude with the characters thoughts.
Conclude with the character in action.
Conclude with a final conversation
between characters.
Frame your essay; conclude by tying
back into your introduction in some
way.

1. Rewrite your attention grabber

(introduction)
Start with a story
Start with an example
Start with a thought provoking question
Start with a definition
Start with a startling fact
Start with a well-written summary
Start with a thought provoking
quotation (not evidence)
2. Rewrite your clincher (conclusion)
Conclude with a thought provoking
question
Conclude with a call to action
Conclude with a thoughtful synthesis of
what youve written. (Explain what it
all means when seen as a whole).
Conclude with an appropriate quote
Conclude with an evaluation.

Checklist for Fiction Continued

Checklist
3. Add color description
Avoid common names of colors (like
red, yellow, and blue), but dont overdo
it with your thesaurus (beryl, cyanic,
pavonine- which are all blue by the
way!)
4. Use specific nouns
Not car, but Porsche; not store, but
Walmart; not street, Palmdale Blvd.
5. Use specific, action verbs
Not walk, but saunter; not run, but
sprint; not talk, but chatter; not see, but

Examples
The iron-gray clouds promised to flood us
with rain by mid-afternoon.

Rainey chased her mothers Honda Accord

all the way down First Street.
John shuddered and cringed from the
heat.

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glimpse.
6. Add sound detail, but avoid using the
words hear or sound.
7. Add smell details, but avoid using the
word smell
8. Add touch details, but avoid using the
word smell.
9. Add unique and creative figurative
language.

Similes

Metaphors

personification
10. Add complex sentences
Begin with subordinating conjunction,
or include a subordinating conjunction
within the sentence.
Make sure sentence has two parts.
Punctuate correctly.
11. Vary Sentence Length
Include short sentences (2- 5 words),
average sentences (6-15 words), and
long sentences (16+ words).
12. Vary Sentence Beginnings.
-Dont start two sentences in a
paragraph with the same word or letter,
unless you are intentionally using
repetition.
13. Avoid linking verbs: am, is, are, was,
were, be, being, been
You will usually have to re-word your
sentence to use active verbs.
14. Make sure you have a logical form of
organization
Grabber (introduction)
3-4 paragraph of support
Clincher (conclusion)

The Christmas paper shuddered and

crinkled beneath the toddlers excited feet.
The scent of cinnamon and oranges floated
from the kitchen into our warm dining room.
The burlap bag rubbed against my bare leg like
sandpaper as we waited to start the threelegged race.

Butterflies stream towards the flowers

like dead leaves in the wind. (simile)

Her voice was a soft song lulling me to

sleep (metaphor)

The tiny flowers in the window box

whispered me awake. (personification)

Even though Jack seemed calm, his head

filled with anxious thoughts.
Jacks head filled with anxious thoughts,
though he tried to act calm.
I was terrified. Dusty cobwebs floated across
my skin as I hurried to leave the old house.
The tiny silver of light where the front door
opened into warm sunlight seemed a million
miles away.
(Challenge, start every sentence in your essay
with a different word).

Dull:
She was angry.
Exciting:
She threw her books across the room
and slammed the door as she stormed
out of the room.
Order of importance (persuasive)
Spatial order (descriptive)
Chronological order (narrative,
expository)
Comparison/ contrast (expository)

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15. Use transition words to guide your
reader through your essay. See the
transition words and phrase in this
handbook for examples.

First, I did my homework. Then, I

washed the dishes. Finally, I brushed
my teeth and headed for bed.

Revision Checklist for Content and Form

Audience and Purpose
What is the purpose of the essay?
Who is my audience, and what are my audiences needs?
How successful have I been meeting the needs of audience and purpose?
Title

How does the title draw in the reader? If it does not, revise!
How is my title clear and appropriate for my audience?

Introduction

Does my introduction hook the reader and lead into the thesis? How so, how? If not, why?

Thesis Statement

Does my thesis appear as the last sentence of the introduction? Where is it?
Does my thesis state the controlling idea of my essay?
Will my thesis be clear to my audience? How is it clear? If not, why not?
Have I developed my thesis consistently throughout my essay? How so? If not, what could I do to
change it?

Body Paragraphs

Does each body paragraph contain a topic sentence and only one idea developed? If not, revise to
have one focus.
Are my body paragraphs organized logically and effectively?
Does each paragraph contain enough specific and relevant details to develop the main idea of the
paragraph? What am I missing?
Do I avoid being redundant? How so? Are my ideas fresh?
Do I keep the ideas together? How can I achieve unity?

Sentences
Are all sentences coherent? If so, how? If not, write down some of the words from the transitional
words chart to help you.
Do I transition between sentences? If so, underline words that help me to do so. If not, add words that
help.

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Is my sentence structure varied and interesting or is it monotonous and dull? Highlight three sentences
that could use improving for complex sentence structure.

Words
Is my vocabulary appropriate for my topic, my audience, and my purpose? If so, how? If not, what is
wrong? With the chosen words?
Do I understand the meanings of the words I chose? Circle words that are used incorrectly.
Do I use the correct form of words? If not, circle, and revise.
Do I vary my word choice? If not, revise.
Conclusion
Do I restate my thesis? If so, did I do it differently (it should be different)? Is it refreshing?
Do I bring the essay to a close in an interesting and relevant manner? If so, what about it is especially
interesting? If not, star three sentences that seem boring or off topic and revise them.
Editing Checklist
Grammar
Check for:
Complete sentences throughout the essay.
Grammar
Avoid run-on sentences
All subjects and verbs must agree
Pronouns and antecedents must agree
Avoid shifting voice
Avoid sexist language and use gender-neutral language
Keep a consistent verb tense throughout the essay
Clear modifiers
Check and double check for fatal flaws and fix them!
FANBOYS= for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so

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Identifying Fragments

Correcting Fragments

Dependent Clause Fragments

Drop the Subordinate conjunction:
Because Steve is saving for college.
Steve is saving for college.
Which can be quite expensive
Afterthought Fragment
And I will attend in the fall.

-ing Fragment
Finding his account empty.

Or add an independent clause: Because Steve is saving for

college, he will attend college in the fall.
Drop the relative pronoun
College is quite expensive

Steve found his account empty.

Steve is saving for college and will attend in the
fall. Steve is saving for college, and he will attend
in the fall.

To Fragment
To go to college

Identifying Run-ons

Steve wanted to go to college.

Steve started saving money to go to college.

Correcting Run-ons

Comma Splice

Add a period:

Steve is saving for college, he will be attending in

the fall.

Steve is saving for college. He will be attending in

the fall.
Add a subordinate conjunction:
Since Steve is saving for college, and he will be
attending in the fall

Fused Sentence

Add a comma and a FANBOYS*:

Steve is saving for college he will be attending in

the fall.

Steve is saving for college, and he will be attending

in the fall.
Add a semicolon and a conjunctive adverb:
Steve is saving for college; therefore, he will be
attending in the fall.

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Punctuation:

Does each sentence contain end punctuation?

Have I used commas correctly?
Have I used semi-colons, colons, and dashes effectively and correctly?

Use a Comma
Before a coordinating conjunction, when it joins two
independent clauses:
We swam with the dolphins, and we fed the whales.
After an introductory element:
However, I enjoyed feeding the whales the most.
Because I had taken photography, I got some great pictures.

Use a Semicolon
To join two independent clauses:
Swimming is great exercise; it works out both the
heart and lungs.
Before a conjunctive adverb joining two
independent clauses:
Swimming is also enjoyable; therefore, many
people continue to exercise.

To set apart non-essential items:

My mother, who is afraid of the water, refused to get into the
ocean.
To set apart conjunctive adverbs that are asides:
This vacation, therefore, was the best my family had ever taken.
To separate three or four items in a series:
I saw seahorses, starfish, and even a stingray.
To separate two or more adjectives of equal weight:
The dry, soft sand felt wonderful on my skin.
To separate a quote from the rest of a sentence:
I caught a fish, I yelled.
To separate digits in a number: 1,000
To separate parts of a geographical location:
Bakersfield, California
To separate parts of an address:
127 Gardenwood Lane, Bakersfield, CA 90010
To separate parts of a full date:
We got home on August 18, 1998.
To set off a title when it appears after a name:
Because I was sunburned, I spent my birthday with my personal

To separate items in a series already

containing commas:
At the beach, we saw many strange creatures;
ate many strange foods; and explored the
malls, the thrift shops, and the antique stores.

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physician, Marcus Welby, M.D.

Use a Colon

Use a Dash

To introduce a list, even of one:

To add and set off information:

Hint: do not use a colon after words such as and

including.

My best adventure at the beach- meeting Alanis

Morissette- was also my most memorable.

The following items are useful at the beach: a towel,

some sunscreen, and bottled water.

She even agreed to sing my favorite song- Hand in

my Pocket.

At the beach, I noticed a most curious person: a man in

a clowns suit.
When writing a time:
2:00 PM

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Cohesion/ Transition Chart

Addition
Result or
Cause
Restatement
Summary or
conclusion
Opposing view
or contrast
Example/
illustration
Emphasize an
idea
Concede a
point
Qualify a point
Direction and
distance
Time and
frequency
Beginning
Middle
End

additionally, also, as well as, besides, equally important,

furthermore, in addition, moreover
Consequently, hence, therefore, so, thus, because, then, as a result,
accordingly, as a consequence, for this reason, because of this
in other words, that is, that is to say, in simpler terms, in short
Finally, in conclusion, to sum up, in summary, all in all, evidently,
actually, overall, in brief, briefly, in other words, lastly, on the
whole, in short, therefore, thus, consequently, accordingly, hence,
then
at the same time, but, despite, this/that, instead, however, on the
contrary, unlike, conversely, nevertheless, nonetheless, neither, nor,
yet, but, on the one/other hand, still, besides this, otherwise
in the same way, similarly, likewise, in like manner
For example, for instance, as an illustration, as a case in point, in
particular, in general, namely, specifically, generally
above all, certainly, especially, in fact, indeed, surely, most,
importantly, natural, equally important, of course
granted, certainly, of course, no doubt, surely, naturally, although
this may be true
perhaps, probably, for the most part, apparently, seemingly
inside/ outside, along, above, below, up, down, across, to the right,
to the left, in front of, behind, to the east, north, south west,
beyond, in the distance, away, here, there, further, on/off, beside, in
the background, opposite t, next to, near, nearly, facing, adjacent to,
on the near/ far side
at the same time, currently, previously, immediately, often,
suddenly, frequently, now and then, at that time, gradually, weekly,
daily, hourly, by the minute, week etc.. occasionally, rarely, during,
briefly
before then, beginning with, at first, first, initially,
meanwhile, in the meantime, simultaneously, next, then, now
finally, at last, eventually, later, at the end

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SURVIVAL GUIDE TO EMBEDDING TEXTUAL

SUPPORT CORRECTLY
1.

Select Relevant and Substantive Quotations from a Text.

A quotation from a text serves as the strongest possible concrete

detail (CD) to support ones assertions. However, all CDs must be
carefully chosen, contain substance, and be relevant. Think about
your thesis. Think about your topic sentences (TS). Find quotes
that give details that BEST support your argument. Do NOT just
find random quotes to throw into your essay. Avoid small
quotations of simple words or phrases (unless you are analyzing
the language). Your essay is an argument; use quotes as evidence
to prove your claim.

Reminder: A quote
does NOT mean that one
can only select dialogue
or a personal statement.
Any part of a text
selected, including
narration, that supports
ones argument is a
quote because the writer
puts embedded text in
quotation marks when
writing.

Weak Examples:

From across the room came Ivan (18).

Jay Gatsby said, Old Sport throughout the novel (24).

Strong Examples:

2.

As a young girl, Grandma had to sacrifice something she loved

when her mother was sent to a dry climate for her health and
Grandma had to miss a year of high school. [She] was so
disappointed at first and missed out on the fun of being with her
class.
Montresor, the Italian nobleman narrating the tale, encounters
Fortunado, a wine connoisseur, at a carnival and was so pleased
to see him that [he] thought [he] should never have done wringing
his hand (174).

Establish a Lead-in Through Context for the Quotation.

All CDs must be embedded as demonstrated above using context that provides
a reader any appropriate background information and circumstances surrounding
the passage being presented. A quote MUST be part of a sentence. Quotes
CANNOT stand alone or speak for themselves. Also, embedding using context
provides a smoother transition into a quotation.
How to Embed:

(a) First, find an appropriate quotation that supports the TS.

(b) Next, read over the section of the story and understand the context from
which it comes. Consider the Who? What? Where? When? Why? and How?
of the quotation. That is, ask yourself relevant questions to understand the
background of the quotation as the reader of the essay may NOT know the
story or the text to which you refer

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(c) Finally, pack pertinent information around your quote so the reader knows
exactly what moment in the text to which you are referring. Choose a few of
the following answers to the 5 Ws and H questions listed above to lead into
your quote, but beware of creating run on sentences.

Self-Check: Read the following sentence below, and study the lead-in into the quotation.
What questions (the 5 Ws and H) does the lead answer?
After escaping his fathers abusive reach, Huck makes his way to Jackson Island
and begins exploring and I was boss of it; it all belonged to me, so to say, and I
wanted to know all about it (39).

Key Idea: The basic structure for integrating a quotation involves using a
lead-in, followed by a comma, an introduction of the speaker or
author/writer followed by a comma, and a complete sentence from your
source punctuated with double quotation marks. See the examples below.
Weak/Incorrect Examples:

Richard Cory was very polite. He was a gentleman from sole to

crown. Also, he was good-looking, even regal-looking.

Richard Cory had everything going for him. He was a gentleman

from sole to corwn. And he was rich yes, richer than a king.

Strong Examples:

For example, after he emphasizes the nations creed that all men are
created equal, King proclaims, I have a dream that one day on the red
hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former
slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood
(King 165).

When Romeo sees Juliet upon her balcony, he says, But soft!
What light through yonder window breaks? / It is the East, and
Juliet is the sun (II.ii.2-3).

That night, after learning that Mr. Radley had filled the knot-hole
with cement, Scout explains in her narration, Jem had been
crying; his face was dirty in the right places (Lee 63).

Having been recently awoken and disturbed by a series of tapping

noises outside his study, staring into the darkness, Poes speaker
explains, Deep into that darkness peering, / long I stood there
wondering, fearing, / Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever
dared to dream before (19-21).

P a g e | 21

3.

Write Using the Literary Present.

Expository essays are always written in present tense, so you will need to change
anything in the past tense to the present tense.
Original Passage: As he spoke he pointed his staff at a female figure on the path, in
whom Goodman Brown recognized a very pious and exemplary dame, who had taught
him his catechism in youth, and was still his moral and spiritual adviser, jointly with
the minister and Deacon Gookin (3).
Embedded Quotation With Changes in Tense: In addition, as Goodman Brown
walks with the Devil, he point[s] his staff at a female figure on the path, in whom
Goodman Brown recognize[s] a very pious and exemplary dame who taught him his
catechism in youth, and [is] still his moral and spiritual adviser (3).
4.

Include Parenthetical Citations.

Avoid plagiarism by providing a citation that refers to the source of your
quotation. A basic citation includes the authors last name and the page
number for the quotation.
Embedded Quotation With Parenthetical Citation: In addition, as Goodman
Brown walks with the Devil, he point[s] his staff at a female figure on the path, in
whom Goodman Brown recognize[s] a very pious and exemplary dame who taught
him his catechism in youth, and [is] still his moral and spiritual adviser (Hawthorne 3).

If you are quoting from a single text in an essay, you only need to mention
the author in the first citation.
5.

Use Appropriate and Correct Punctuation.

Brackets To Signify Changes to the Original Text

When you change anything or add anything to the original text for clarity or
consistent verb use, indicate those changes by putting the changes
in brackets [ ]. For example, you may alter the punctuation and capitalization of
a quotation to conform to the needs of your sentence structure, as long as you do
not alter the meaning of your lines.
Original Lines of Poetry:

He was a gentleman from sole to crown,

Clean favored, and imperially slim.

Altered Embedded Quote: Richard Cory, [c]lean favored, and imperially slim,

was from head to toe a gentleman.

P a g e | 22

Original Text from a Short Story:

With Heaven above and Faith below, I will

yet stand firm against the devil.

Goodman Brown claims that with Heaven

Altered Embedded Quote:

above and Faith below, [he] will yet stand

firm against the devil.
or

Goodman Brown hoped that with Heaven

above and Faith below, [he would] yet stand
firm against the devil.

An Ellipsis To Remove Unnecessary Words, Phrases, or Sentences

If a long passage contains information that distracts from the point
you want to make, or if you want to use only the first and last parts of a passage,
remove the unwanted text and replace using an ellipsis ().
Original Text from a Short Story: In painting and gemmary, Fortunato, like like his
countryman, was a quack.
Altered Embedded Quote:

Montresor tells us that when it came to painting

and gemmary, Fortunato was a quack.

Ending Punctuation To Conclude the Embedded Passage

Since a sentence MUST have ending punctuation, place a period after the
parenthetical citation when embedding a quote. No punctuation is needed within
the quotation unless the quote ends in a question mark (?) or exclamation point (!).

PUNCTUATION IN ACTION EMBEDDED QUOTE EXAMPLE:

Additionally, Goodman continues deeper into the forest following familiar voices and
once[he] could distinguish the accents of towns-people [he heard]men and
women, both pious and ungodly, there was one voice of a young woman uttering
lamentationsand all the unseen multitude, both saints and sinners, seemed to
encourage her onward (5-6).
Notice

Any changes made to the original quote are in brackets [ ], and an

ellipses replaces unnecessary words.
Quotations are in DOUBLE quotation marks (and make sure they are
double).
The Citation is in parentheses (parenthetical citation).
A Period is at the very end of the sentence.
The Embedded Quote must be incorporated smoothly and seamlessly,
without creating a run-on sentence or fragment.

P a g e | 23

CREATING QUALITY COMMENTARY

1. All CMs must be thoughtful, non-repetitive, and directly

related both to the CD and the TS.

Consider: How does your CD support your TS?
2. Provide at least two-three sentences that explain HOW your
quotation supports the topic sentence. Commentary is
difficult, especially the second and third sentences; however, if
you choose a solid and meaty quotation, analysis should be
easier.
3.

The following questions may help you form some ideas.

Choose one of the questions below that relate your topic (or
ask similar questions) and use both CM sentences to develop
an answer that relates to your CD and supports the main idea
of the paragraph.

Important Notes
#1
Do NOT summarize
the story in the
commentary. Analyze
the passage in a way
that support your
assertion in the
paragraph and the
overall development of
your essay thesis.
#2
Avoid beginning your
commentary with
sentence starters such
as This shows that,
This is because, or I
believe. You may
think these phrases or
even include them in
initial drafts if
necessary, but
eliminate them from
later drafts.

What point does the text seem to be making?

Is there any symbolism in the text?
What words stand out in the passage? Why might the
author have chosen those particular words? What
denotation and connotation do those words have? How
does the diction reinforce the authors point?
What images strike you as unusual or well-chosen? What meaning might the
author want to emphasize?
How does the information in the quote relate to some other character or idea
in the text?
Is the author being ironic?
What tone and/or mood do we see?
Do you notice any repetition in the text? What might the author be trying to
emphasize?

4. Avoid the following errors that writers often make when analyzing a

text and writing commentary.

(a) No personal CM: I certainly hope Cecilia learns to appreciate her family
members!
(b) No speculative CM: Cecilia should have been glad to visit her grandmother.
(Note: NEVER use modals such as would, could,
should in the CM sentences.)
(c) No stray CM: Cecilias mother wasnt very compassionate at all.
(d) No global CM: Elderly people in society have much wisdom and shouldnt be
disregarded.

P a g e | 24

TRANSITIONS TO EMBED QUOTATIONS OR PARAPHRASES

If you are tired of stating over and over again that Jones says, , try some of the following
variations. They work equally well with direct quotations or paraphrases, and when combined
with a bit of basic information about the source of your material, they accomplish both purposes
at once: they introduce and credit your information at the same time (often eliminating the need
for parenthetical citation), as in this example:
Jones notes in the November 2003 issue of Psychology Today that . Other
suggested variations:
Jones found in

demonstrates
reports
suggests
observes
asserts
emphasizes
declares
holds
maintains

that .

In his controversial book, The Naked Ape, Desmond Morris

argues that
demonstrates
maintains
suggests
etc.
In a 2003 (book, article, or whatever) entitled , So-and so examines the subject of catfish
and observes that
According to Jones
In Jones view
opinion,
estimation,
Jones contradicts this view in the 2003 Saturday Review essay in which he argues that
However, Jones maintains that
Although Jones asserts that , Smith suggests another theory:
A (book, article, essay, speech, etc.) by Jones, (summarized, referred to, alluded to,
mentioned, included in a discussion) in one of Joe Moholzers New York Times editorials makes
the point that .
As reported by Jones in the October 22, 2003, Seattle Post-Intelligencer,

P a g e | 25

WAYS TO EMBED TEXT

The best proof that a work of literature does what you say it does is
textual evidence: words or sentences you can cite from a poem,
story, play, or article you are discussing. Anytime you directly use
another writers words to support your conclusion, you are
citing
evidence, or quoting a source. As you incorporate textual evidence into your
discussion through the use of quotations, there are some simple rules you
should keep in mind.

1. Set quotation apart as an independent clause using a comma.

Example: In "Where I Lived, and What I Lived For," Thoreau states directly his
purpose for going into the woods when he says, "I went to the woods because I
wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I
could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I
had not lived (4).
Example: Thoreau suggests the consequences of making ourselves slaves to
progress when he says, "We do not ride on the railroad; it rides upon us" (3).
Example: Concerned about the pace and manner in which humans carry out
daily activities, Thoreau asks, "Why should we live with such hurry and waste of
life? (2).

A Note on
Use a comma to set off your own words from the quotation when your lead-in
Punctuation: ends with a verb such as says, said, thinks, believes, pondered, recalls, questions, asks, etc.

2. Set quotation apart as an independent clause using a colon.

Example: In "Where I Lived, and What I Lived For," Thoreau states directly his
purpose for going into the woods: "I went to the woods because I wished to live
deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it
had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived (4).
Example: Thoreau's philosophy might be summed up best by his repeated
request for people to ignore the insignificant details of life: "Our life is frittered
away by detail. An honest man has hardly need to count more than his ten
fingers, or in extreme cases he may add his ten toes, and lump the rest.
Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity!" (2).
Example: Thoreau ends his essay with a metaphor: "Time is but the stream I go
a-fishing in (4).

A Note on Punctuation: If you use a complete sentence to introduce a quotation, then you need a colon to
embed the quote formally. Be careful not to confuse a colon (:) with a semi-colon (;). Also, do not use
commas in this instance as you will create a comma splice or run-on sentence.

P a g e | 26

3. Weave the quotation as an independent clause into your

sentence without a comma.

Example: In "Where I Lived, and What I Lived For," Thoreau states directly his
purpose for going into the woods when he says that "I went to the woods
because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and
see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover
that I had not lived (4).
Example: Thoreau suggests the consequences of making ourselves slaves to
progress, suggesting that "[w]e do not ride on the railroad; it rides upon us" (3).
Example: Thoreau argues that "shams and delusions are esteemed for soundest
truths, while reality is fabulous (3).
Example: According to Thoreau, people are too often "thrown off the track by
every nutshell and mosquito's wing that falls on the rails (3).

Notice the word "that" is used in three of the examples above, and when it is used as it is
A Note on
used in the examples, "that" replaces the comma which would be necessary without "that"
Punctuation: in the sentence. You usually have a choice, then, when you begin a sentence with a phrase
such as "Thoreau says." You either can add a comma after "says" (Thoreau says,
"quotation") or you can add the word "that" with no comma (Thoreau says that
"quotation.")

4. Weave short quotations words or phrases into your

sentence without punctuation.

Example: In "Where I Lived, and What I Lived For," Thoreau states that his retreat to
the woods around Walden Pond was motivated by his desire "to live deliberately" and
to face only "the essential facts of life" (2).
Example: Thoreau argues that people blindly accept "shams and delusions" as
the "soundest truths," while regarding reality as "fabulous (2).
Example: Although Thoreau acknowledges that he is no different than others
who "drink at" the stream of Time, he at least "detect[s] how shallow it is (2).

All of the methods above for integrating quotations

are correct, but you should avoid relying too much on
just one
method. Yes, consider which method is most natural yet
effective for what youre trying to say; however, you should
use a variety of methods.

P a g e | 27

ADVANCED WAYS TO EMBED QUOTES

5. For Long Quotations (over four lines), set the passage apart from
your text formally by starting a new line, indented one inch, but do
not add quotation marks. Use a colon to introduce.
Example:
In chapter 2 of Walden, titled Where I Lived, and What I Lived For, Thoreau
discusses at length his thinking and the imagination employed in choosing the
location where to live:
At a Certain season of our life we are accustomed to consider every spot
as the possible site of a house. I have thus surveyed the country on
every side within a dozen miles of where I live. In imagination I have
bought all the farms in succession, for all were to be bought, and I knew
their price. I walked over each farmer's premises, tasted his wild apples,
discoursed on husbandry with him, took his farm at his price, at any
price, mortgaging it to him in my mind; even put a higher price on it
took everything but a deed of it took his word for his deed, for I dearly
love to talk cultivated it, and him too to some extent, I trust, and
withdrew when I had enjoyed it long enough, leaving him to carry it on.
(Thoreau 5)
Thoreau clearly felt

A Note on
Punctuation:

Because the quotation is set apart, no quotation marks are required. However, if a
passage utilizes dialogue, then single quotation marks would be necessary to set off the
dialogue as one is essentially quoting a quotation. Additionally, double-spacing the
extended passage is not necessary unless instructor wishes you to strictly follow MLA
formatting guidelines.

6. For quotations from poetry or poetic verse in plays, integrate

quotes using any of the previous methods. However, it is

customary to preserve the poets intentions by separating lines of
poetry running within your sentences with a forward slash (/) and
keeping the original capitalization at the beginning of a line or
elsewhere in the poetry.
Example: The speaker in Edgar Allan Poes The Raven admits his weary
condition by sharing that [o]nce upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered,
weak and weary, / Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore - /
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping (1-3).
Physically exhausted, Poes speaker
Example: Poes speaker expresses his fear clearly after opening up
the shutters: Deep into that darkness peering, / long I stood there
wondering, fearing, / Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever
dared to dream before (18-20). The speaker is troubled .

Page | 28

7. When quoting dialogue between characters in a play, set off the

dialogue and begin a new line as you quote each character. Place
the characters name in front of the line.
Example:

Though Benvolio clearly tries to stop a fight from breaking out in the
streets of Verona, Tybalt persists with issuing a challenge:
TYBALT. What, art thou drawn among these heartless hinds?
Turn thee, Benvolio; look upon the death.
BENVOLIO. I do but keep the peace. Put up thy sword, Or
manage it to part these men with me.
TYBALT. What, drawn, and talk of peace? I hate the word As
I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee.
(Shakespeare I.i.66-71)

Example:

Willys delusions consistently show how much Happy and Bernard

idolized Biff, especially when they argue over who will carry his football
gear:
BERNARD. Biff, Im carrying your helmet, aint I? HAPPY.
No, Im carrying the helmet.
BERNARD. Oh, Biff, you promised me.
HAPPY. Im carrying the helmet. (Miller 2.213-216)

GENERAL REMINDERS ABOUT EMBEDDING QUOTATIONS:

1. If a quotation is over four lines long (as in the example above), indent and double space. Do not
use quotation marks. Shorter quotations (four lines or less) should be put in quotation marks.
2. Commas and periods go inside quotation marks. Semi-colons and colons go outside the
quotation marks.
3. End punctuation like exclamation points and questions marks go inside the quotation marks if they
are part of the text being quoted and outside the quotation marks if they are not part of what is
being quoted but rather part of the writers sentence.
Examples:
As Drummond seeks to understand Rachel, he askes her, Is your mother dead?
Why is it that [y]ou murder a wife and it isnt nearly as bad as murdering an old
wives tale?
4. Always integrate quotations into your writing with your own comments.
5. Dont string several quotations together in a row. Weave them logically into you own prose.
6. Dont pad your essay with quotations. Be selective.

Page | 29

When phrases are separated by a / choose only one phrase to use.

Page | 30

Openings/Introductions/
Thesis

The central issue in _______ is

_______
The development of _______ is a
common/typical problem_______.
_______and _______are of
particular interest and complexity
_______.
For a long time, it has been the
case that_______.
Most
accounts/reports/publications
state that _______.
According to (authors last name),
recent articles/ reports/studies
seem to be_______.
One of the most
controversial/important/interesting
problems is _______.
The authors purpose of this
essay/paper/analysis is _______.

Citing Sources

The author notes

that_______.
It is believed that
the author _______.
The author asserts
that _______.
The author
contends _______.

Disagreement with
Author

Agreement with
Author/Source

Some/Many disagree with

(authors last name) that
_______.
As (authors last name)
states (somewhat)
unclearly _______.
(authors last name) does
not support (authors last
name)s
argument/claim/conclusion
about _______ that
_______.
However, it remains
unclear whether _______.
It would be of interest to
learn more about
_______.

As (authors last
name) appropriately
points out _______.
(author's last name)
makes a valid point
when s/he states
_______.
(author's last name)'s
opinion that _______
further develops the
point that _______.
_______reveals the
accuracy of the
author's claim.
Secondary Purpose
In addition, it
discusses _______.
Additionally, _______
is examined _______.

Page | 31

Comparison

Contrast

Recommendations

Both _______ and _______

are similar in that _______.
_______ resembles _______.
Both _______ and _______
share some aspects of
_______.
_______ shares similarities
with _______ because
_______.

_______ is not the

case with _______.
_______ does not
resemble _______.
_______ contrasts
with _______ with
respect to_______.
_______ differs
from _______.

One suggestion is/may be

that_______.
_______ can be strongly
recommended because
_______.
Though one concedes
that _______, it is
maintained that _______.

Introducing Quotations

Introducing
Quotations

(authors last name) disagrees

when he/she writes,
_______.
(authors last name)
complicates matters further
when he/she writes,
_______.
In the words of (authors last
name), _______.
As (authors last name) has
noted, _______.
_______., writes (authors
last name), _______.
_______., claims (authors
last name).
(authors last name) offers a
persuasive counterargument:
_______.

(authors last name)

states, _______.
As the (professional
title) (authors last
name) asserts,
_______.
According to
(authors last
name), _______.
(authors last name)
writes, _______.
In his/her (text title),
(authors last name)
maintains that
_______.
Writing in the (text
title), (authors last
name) complains
that _______.
In (authors last
name)s view,
_______.
(authors last name)
agrees when
he/she writes,
_______.

Assertions
(authors last name)
insists that_______.
According to (authors last
name), _______.
This text, by (authors last
name), is focused
upon_______.
In this editorial/ essay, the
author argues
that_______.
The principal claim that
(authors last name)
makes in this letter is
that_______.
As (authors last name)
notes _______.
One can argue, as
(authors last name) does,
that _______.

Supporting
Arguments, Claims,
Conclusions, and
Generalizations
According to (authors
last name), _______.
As (authors last
name) claims
_______.
_______ supports
_______.
_______demonstrates
that _______.
_______ shows
evidence that
_______.
_______ illustrates
_______.
Synthesizing and/or
integrating material
from more than one
source
Until recently it has
been assumed
that_______.
However, new
research indicates
that_______.
Though (authors last
name) points out
that_______,
(authors last name)
argues that_______.
Although (authors last
name) asserts that
_______, (authors
last name) argues
that_______.

Page | 32

Active Verbs List

The listed verbs can be used to replace the italicized words in the above writing
sentence starters.
Making a Claim
argues
asserts
believes
claims
emphasizes
insists
observes
reports
suggests
comments
confirms
declares
illustrates
notes
points out
reasons
thinks
writes

Expressing
Agreement
celebrates the fact that
does not deny
extols
praises
reaffirms
supports
verifies
acknowledges
adds
admits
agrees
endorses
grants

Questioning or
Disagreeing
complains
complicates
contends
contradicts
denies
deplores
disavows
questions
refutes
rejects
renounces
repudiates
disputes
implies
insists
responds

Recommendations
advocates
calls for
demands
encourages
ex implores
pleads
recommends
urges
warns horts

Page | 33

Tone Vocabulary List

Positive Tone/Attitude Words
Amiable
Amused
Appreciative
Authoritative
Benevolent
Brave
Calm
Cheerful
Cheery
Compassionate
Complimentary
Confident

Consoling
Content
Dreamy
Ecstatic
Elated
Elevated
Encouraging
Energetic
Enthusiastic
Excited
Exuberant
Fanciful

Friendly
Happy
Hopeful
Impassioned
Jovial
Joyful
Jubilant
Lighthearted
Loving
Optimistic
Passionate
Peaceful

Playful
Pleasant
Proud
Relaxed
Reverent
Romantic
Soothing
Surprised
Sweet
Sympathetic
Vibrant
Whimsical

Furious
Harsh
Haughty
Hateful
Hurtful
Indignant
Inflammatory
Insulting
Irritated
Manipulative
Obnoxious
Outraged
Passive

Quarrelsome
Shameful
Smooth
Snooty
Superficial
Surly
Testy
Threatening
Tired
Uninterested
Wrathful

Negative Tone/Attitude Words

Accusing
Aggravated
Agitated
Angry
Apathetic
Arrogant
Artificial
Audacious
Belligerent
Bitter
Boring
Brash
Childish

Choleric
Coarse
Cold
Condemnatory
Condescending
Contradictory
Critical
Desperate
Disappointed
Disgruntled
Disgusted
Disinterested
Facetious

Humor-Irony-Sarcasm Tone/Attitude Words

Amused
Bantering
Bitter
Caustic
Comical
Condescending
Contemptuous
Critical
Cynical
Disdainful

Droll
Facetious
Flippant
Giddy
Humorous
Insolent
Ironic
Irreverent
Joking
Malicious

Mock-heroic
Mocking
Mock-serious
Patronizing
Pompous
Quizzical
Ribald
Ridiculing
Sad
Sarcastic

Sardonic
Satiric
Scornful
Sharp
Silly
Taunting
Teasing
Whimsical
Wry

Page | 34
Sorrow-Fear-Worry Tone/Attitude Words
Aggravated
Embarrassed
Morose
Agitated
Fearful
Mournful
Anxious
Foreboding
Nervous
Apologetic
Gloomy
Numb
Apprehensive
Grave
Ominous
Concerned
Hollow
Paranoid
Confused
Hopeless
Pessimistic
Dejected
Horrific
Pitiful
Depressed
Horror
Poignant
Despairing
Melancholy
Regretful
Disturbed
Miserable
Remorseful
Neutral Tone/Attitude Words
Admonitory
Dramatic
Allusive (not illusive) Earnest
Apathetic
Expectant
Authoritative
Factual
Baffled
Fervent
Callous
Formal
Candid
Forthright
Ceremonial
Frivolous
Clinical
Haughty
Consoling
Histrionic
Contemplative
Humble
Conventional
Incredulous
Detached
Informative
Didactic
Inquisitive
Disbelieving
Instructive

Intimate
Judgmental
Learned
Loud
Lyrical
Matter-of-fact
Meditative
Nostalgic
Objective
Obsequious
Patriotic
Persuasive
Pleading
Pretentious
Provocative

Resigned
Sad
Serious
Sober
Solemn
Somber
Staid
Upset

Questioning
Reflective
Reminiscent
Resigned
Restrained
Seductive
Sentimental
Serious
Shocking
Sincere
Unemotional
Urgent
Vexed
Wistful
Zealous

Try combining words to get a more precise description of tone as in these examples:
cautious speculation

dramatic revelation

philosophical resignation

weary resignation

unqualified endorsement

apologetic approval

analytic objectivity

tolerant acceptance

grudging admiration

unalloyed suspicion

gentle mockery

lofty indifference

excited enthusiasm

indulgent tolerance

fascinated curiosity

cautious skepticism

disapproving dismissal

politically offensive

delightfully sentimental

morally admirable

carelessly irrelevant

deep despair

pretended indifference

casual indifference

calm assurance

apprehensive resolve

excited expectation

unqualified appreciation

fundamental dissatisfaction

apathetic acceptance

violent indignation

apologetic regret

self-righteous pomposity

awe-struck fascination

affectionate delight

momentary doubt

solemn apprehension

flippant sarcasm

skeptical suspicion

aloof disinterest

sentimental regret

disguised irony