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Chapter 4 Student Notes

This document discusses revising and proofreading business messages. Revising involves improving content and sentence structure by adding, cutting, and recasting. Proofreading involves correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and mechanics. The document provides tips for revising messages to eliminate wordiness, outdated expressions, unnecessary words, jargon, slang, clichés, redundancies, and imprecise language. It suggests using more concrete nouns, vivid adjectives, and precise verbs. The document also discusses how to carefully proofread documents, including using proofreading marks.

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50 views34 pages

Chapter 4 Student Notes

This document discusses revising and proofreading business messages. Revising involves improving content and sentence structure by adding, cutting, and recasting. Proofreading involves correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and mechanics. The document provides tips for revising messages to eliminate wordiness, outdated expressions, unnecessary words, jargon, slang, clichés, redundancies, and imprecise language. It suggests using more concrete nouns, vivid adjectives, and precise verbs. The document also discusses how to carefully proofread documents, including using proofreading marks.

Uploaded by

api-299046529
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PPT, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Chapter 4

Revising and Proofreading Business


Messages

Revising

Improving
Improvingcontent
contentand
and
sentence
sentencestructurestructure-may
may
involve
involveadding,
adding,cutting,
cutting,
recasting
recasting

Proofreading

Correcting
Correctinggrammar,
grammar,
spelling,
spelling,punctuation,
punctuation,
format
formatand
andmechanics
mechanics

Memo Revised for Conciseness

Concise Wording
Revise your messages to eliminate wordiness.
Instead of this
Try this
We are of the opinion that
We think
Please feel free to
In addition to the above
At this point in time
Despite the fact that

Please
Also
Now
Although

Slang

Wordy Prepositional Phrases


Instead of this

Try this

We dont as a general

We dont generally cash


personal checks.

rule cash personal


checks.
Students in very few
instances receive
parking tickets.
She calls meetings on a
monthly basis.

Students rarely get


parking tickets.
She calls meetings
monthly.

Long Lead-Ins
Instead of this

Try this

This memo is to inform


you that all employees
meet today.

All employees meet


today.

I am writing this letter


to say thanks to
everyone who voted.

Thanks to all who


voted.

Outdated Expressions
Outdated

Modern

as per your request

At your request

pursuant to your request

At your request

attached hereunto
under separate cover

Attached
Separately

Needless Adverbs
To sound more credible and to streamline
your writing, avoid excessive use of adverbs
such as definitely, quite, really, and actually.
Instead of this

Try this

The manager is
actually quite pleased
with your proposal
because the plan is
definitely workable.

The manager is pleased


with your proposal because
the plan is workable.

Fillers
Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there
and it when used merely to take up space.
Instead of this

Try this

There are two


employees who should
be promoted.
It was Lisa and Jeff

Two employees
should be
promoted. Lisa
and Jeff were
honored.

who were honored.

Revise the following sentences to avoid a long


lead-ins, wordy prepositional phrases, outdated
expressions, needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other
forms of wordiness.
This e-mail message is to
inform you that in all
probability we will actually
finish in two weeks.
There are many brokers who
are quite certain that these
stocks are completely safe.

We will probably
finish in two weeks.

Many brokers are


certain that these
stocks are safe.

Revise the following sentences to achieve


conciseness.
Pursuant to your request,
there are two contracts that
are attached hereto.

There are two


contracts attached.

All employees are hereby


informed that as a general rule
computers may not be used for
activities that are personal.

Generally,
employees may not
use computers for
personal activities.

Redundant Words
Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What
words could be omitted in these expressions?
advance warning
close proximity
exactly identical
filled to capacity
final outcome

necessary requisite
new beginning
past history
refer back
serious danger

Jargon
Avoid technical terms and special terminology
that readers would not recognize.
Computer jargon
Queue

Alternative language

Export

transfer data from one


program to another

Bandwidth

Internet capacity

list of documents
waiting to be printed

Is jargon ever permissible?

Slang
Avoid slang (informal expressions with
arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings).
to bag on

to tease, to nag, or

Clueless
Turkey

to complain
Unaware, naive
Someone stupid

chill/chill out

Relax

Slang
An example from the world of Dilbert:

Clichs
Avoid clichs (overused expressions).
Substitute more precise words.
Instead of this
Last but not least, you
should keep your nose
to the grindstone.
We had reached the
end of our rope.

Try this
Finally, you should
work hard.

We could go no
further.

Revise the following sentence to avoid slang,


clichs, and redundancies.
Ms. Miller, who shoots
straight from the shoulder,
demanded final completion
by January 1.

Ms. Miller, who is


direct, demanded
completion by
January 1.

Precise Verbs
Revise your writing to include precise verbs
instead of general, lackluster, all-purpose ones.
Market researchers said that
sales would improve.
What more precise verbs could replace said?
Market researchers predicted improved sales.

Market researchers forecasted improved sales.


Market researchers promised improved sales.

Please contact their


sales rep today.
What more precise verbs
could replace contact?

Please telephone their sales rep today.


Please email their sales rep today.
Please faxtheir sales rep today.

Buried Verbs
Revise verbs that have been converted to nouns.

Tip

Look
Lookfor
forwords
wordsending
endinginin
tion
tionor
orment.
ment.Could
Couldthey
they
be
bemore
moreefficiently
efficientlyand
and
forcefully
forcefullyconverted
convertedtotoverbs?
verbs?

Instead of this
The manager came to
the realization that
telecommuting made
sense.
A job seeker must
make application
before May 1.

Try this
The manager
realized that
telecommunicating
made sense
A job seeker must
apply before May 1.

Instead of this
Once we have the
establishment of a
Web site, our
business will grow.
Please give serious
consideration to a
company intranet.

Try this
Once we establish a
web site, our
business will grow.

Please seriously
consider a company
intranet.

Revise the following sentences by using more


precise verbs or by centering the action in a verb.
The seller said he would
contact you.

The seller promised to


email/telephone or fax
you.

We must give encourage- We must encourage


ment to our team.
our team.
Consumers show a
preference for buttered
popcorn.

Consumers prefer
buttered popcorn

Revise the following sentences centering the


action in the verb.
Please make an
Please assess the
assessment of the home's homes value.
value.

Ann made a suggestion


that we hire Lee.

Ann suggested that we


hire Lee.

Concrete Nouns
Revise your writing to include specific, concrete
nouns instead of general, abstract ones.
Instead of this
The man asked
for a raise.
An employee
presented a
proposal.

Try this
Jeff Jones asked for a 10
percent salary raise.
Jeff Jones, production
manager, presented a plan to
stagger hours.

Vivid Adjectives
Revise your writing to include descriptive,
dynamic adjectives instead of overworked,
all-purpose ones.
Instead of this

Try this

The report was


good.

The report was


persuasive/thorough.

The report was


bad.

The report was not


informative.

What to Watch for


in Proofreading
Spelling
Grammar
Punctuation
Names and numbers
Format

Proofreading Marks

How to Proofread
Complex Documents

Allow adequate time.


Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
Be prepared to find errors.
Read once for meaning and once for
grammar/mechanics.
Reduce your reading speed.

For documents that must be perfect:


Have someone read aloud the original
while someone else checks the printout.
Spell names
Spell difficult words.
Spell difficult words.
Note punctuation.

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