Running

Head: THE POWER OF FATHERHOOD, FAMILY, AND RELATIONSHIPS

Dads and Daughters: The Power of Fatherhood, Family, and Relationships

Samantha J Nason
Winona State University

DADS AND DAUGHTERS: THE POWER OF FATHERHOOD, FAMILY, AND

RELATIONSHIPS

Girls experience many challenging, and emotional moments in their lives. This is not to
say that boys do not, but girls tend to be more expressive when it comes to these events. Many
girls rely on friends and family to get them through their life. Friends and family have
pronounced affects on the lives of girls and they help mold girls into who they are and who
they will be. Every girl is different when it comes to morals, values, beliefs, and even
communication. This leads to the research question; do fathers play a specific role, and are there
meaningful differences found in girls who have a significant relationship with their father, than
from those who do not? This research paper will examine the different types of fathers and how
each type of father has an affect on the daughter.
First this paper will start by looking at father-daughter relationship research influenced by
Endres (1997). Then the Relational Dialects Theory will be defined and used to explain fatherdaughter relationships. Finally, this paper will look at the Interactional View and how this theory
can have an effect on father-daughter relationships.
Thomas Endres, a professor at St. Thomas University, found interest in father-daughter
relationships. After looking at much research, Endres concluded that a majority of fatherdaughter research states that daughters are greatly influenced by the relationship they had, or
have, with their father. This relationship between the father and daughter can influence the
daughters view of self, her abilities, and the success she will have with men in the future. Endres
conducted his own research to examine the different types of fathers and the affects that the
variations have on daughters.
Within his studies, Endres found four general types of fathers. The first type of father was
titled as the Knight in Shining Armor. This father type treats his daughter as a princess and

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emphasizes gender roles. The father is thought to be powerful and all knowing to his daughter,
and spends a lot of time with his daughter. This quality time is usually spent doing activities that
accentuate gender roles such as going out to dinner or dancing. The next type of father is
identified as the Buddy. This father figure treats his daughter as an equal and does not highlight
gender roles. The father encourages the daughter to follow her dreams, whatever they may be.
This pair usually spends quality time working on cars or shooting baskets, and often talks about
things such as politics and sports. On the contrary, the Authoritarian father creates a fine line
between his role as a male, and the daughters role as a female. Conversation between this fatherdaughter dyad is usually focused on a set of tasks for the daughter to complete. The father is
keen on his rules and the daughter follows them. This type of father is often labeled as bossy,
arrogant, and strict. Finally, the Shadow father, who is much like the absent father, is
emotionally absent from the relationship with his daughter. He rarely, if ever, holds
conversations with her, and if the conversation exists, it usually involves the daughter speaking
with little feedback from the father. Although physically present, the father does not give time to
his daughter, and often ignores her. This type of father is noted to have more difficulty
expressing his feelings, especially to his daughter. These types of fathers are an extremity of all
types of fathers, covering only very basic characteristics. Most fathers can contain more than one
of these characteristics, and can even be found in the middle of two father types. However, by
creating these general types of fathers, we can grasp a better understanding of how the
involvement of the father affects the daughter.
Girls who have a father that fits under the general father type, recorded similar feelings
and characteristics in Endres research from 1997. The following section will state the general
characteristics associated with daughters of each type of father. To start, the daughter of a Knight

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RELATIONSHIPS

in Shining Armor father is often very confident in her femininity and strives to do everything in a
way that would maintain her femininity. She has been treated as a princess and believes that she
can excel, as long as she does it in a womanly fashion. She expects a lot from herself and
believes that women should value their beauty. The Buddy-type father makes his daughter feel as
though she is equal to everyone and that there is no separation of genders. This daughter is very
close to her father and has a lot of confidence in herself, as well as her independence. She
believes that hard work can help you can accomplish anything. The daughter of an Authoritarian
father often puts pressure on herself to succeed. Although she feels as though her fathers
expectations are irrational, she does not realize the skills she has gained from the relationship.
Lastly, the Shadow father often makes the daughter feel powerless. The daughter has learned to
give up on expectations of men, and she believes that fate will prevail. The daughter also avoids
doing special favors because she thinks that it will only lead to failure. Again, these fatherdaughter dyads are only a brief categorization of the type of fathers and daughters that exist.
Further research by Endres (1997) states that daughters do take on their fathers style,
though increased closeness between the father and daughter leads to increased style similarity.
This is apparent with the Buddy father and his daughter, who believes that she can do anything
regardless of her gender. We can also see this paralleling occur in the Shadow father type where
both the father and the daughter exclude themselves from relationships. Although there are
relationships that are very strong or very weak, there are also relationships that shift between
types in a pattern. Factors that can play into the pattern of the relationship between the father and
his daughter include things such as, physical changes, gender (being a girl), age, and the
relationship the daughter has with her mother. To elaborate more, physical changes, or puberty,
can make the father uncomfortable around his daughter. She is no longer the little girl he is used

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RELATIONSHIPS

to seeing, and will often crack jokes about the physical changes to try and avoid discomfort.
Gender can also affect the relationship between the father and daughter because some fathers do
not understand how to interact with a daughter, but would be more comfortable in raising a son.
In this case, fathers do not understand how to raise a daughter and end up avoiding the daughter
in response to the stress. Although father-daughter relationships are the main focus of this paper,
we cannot understand them without viewing the role of the mother. Research has shown that the
relationship the daughter has with her mother can affect the relationship she holds with her
father. In other words, if the daughter is close to her mother, the father may feel like the third
wheel, or unimportant. It may also be that the daughter has a relationship with her mother based
on household issues, while the father is in charge of the outside world. Mothers are more likely
to understand issues with friends and school, while the father is more willing to connect with his
daughter on things such as politics or sports. These statements and examples help illustrate that
there is a relationship between the way fathers and daughter interact and the way the daughter
perceives herself.
Baxter and Montgomery were the developers of the Relational Dialectics Theory, which
discusses the internal conflict in a relationship. They examined relationships and how
relationships are affected by time. Baxter and Montgomery concluded that the longer the
relationship and the closer individuals become to one another, the more conflict that will arise in
the relationship These conflicts add tension to the relationship, which occur in a wavelike
pattern. This theory focuses on the three primary relational dialectics: connectedness and
separateness, certainty and uncertainty, openness and closedness. Connectedness and
separateness focuses on how a relationship needs to be close while having time apart from each

DADS AND DAUGHTERS: THE POWER OF FATHERHOOD, FAMILY, AND

RELATIONSHIPS

other as well. Spending too much time together is suggested to create too much of a connection
and the individuals lose their own identities. On the other hand, relationships need to avoid being
ordinary and lackluster. Individuals need to have spunk and extemporaneity to bring to the
relationship to avoid boredom. It is suggested that relationships have a sense of assurance while
maintaining an exciting and impulsive relationship. The need to have assurance and spontaneity
in a relationship refers to the certainty and uncertainty relational dialectic. The final relational
dialectic covered in the relational dialectics theory is openness and closedness. In a relationship,
many people feel comfortable with the other individual, which can cause a person to selfdisclose more information. The closer one gets in a relationship, the more information that is
disclosed. Although this builds a strong relationship, individuals need their own personal
privacy. Although relational dialectics theory overlooks and explains all types of relationships,
this paper will connect relational dialectics to father-daughter relationships.
Father-daughter relationships are affected by the attachment style the daughter has with
her father. According to Katorski (2003), parent-child relationships can alter the psychological
security of a child. This becomes apparent when looking at the research conducted by Perkins
(2001). Similar to that of Endres, Perkins lists six different father-daughter relationships and the
way they affect communication. The doting father falls under the connected portion of
relational dialectics theory. This father keeps his daughter close by buying her things and
unintentionally aims to keep his daughter young. This can be compared to Endres knight in
shining armor. The distant father is very similar to Endres shadow. The distant father does not
participate in family activities and if there is a family issue, it is the mothers task to deal with

DADS AND DAUGHTERS: THE POWER OF FATHERHOOD, FAMILY, AND

RELATIONSHIPS

the situation. The demanding or supportive father supports his children while enforcing rules or
expectations. The domineering father is similar to the demanding/supportive father type because
has high expectations for his children; however, the domineering father is not there for support.
Seductive fathers are what most scientists focus their father-daughter research on. Seductive
fathers are those who sexually abuse their daughters, both verbally and physically. The absent
father is a father who left the family before the children were too old and the departure of this
father created a memory of stress for the child.
The daughters of domineering fathers reported that they were able to keep a relationship
between their fathers, yet they felt as though they were emotionally distant. This backs up that
daughters need open communication with their fathers to feel connectedness. Daughters of
absent fathers reported that the felt separated from their fathers along with daughters of seductive
fathers. Along with feeling separated these daughters also felt misunderstood, which backs-up
that the absence of fathers leads daughters to feel a loss of connection and openness with their
fathers. Further, research from Punyanunt-Carter (2008) states that connectedness between a
fathers and a daughter comes from support and permeability. Permeability is important because it
provides the father-daughter relationship with boundaries and it can help with the identity
formation process. It is also shown that separateness and self-assertion are key qualities of family
relationships because they encourage opinions. Fathers and daughters need to have mutual
understanding to help aid the daughter in self-disclosure. With more openness, the daughter is
less likely to rebel, making the father feel more important. This research helps illustrate that the
relationship that continues between a father and his daughter has a great impact on the way she
views herself and the way she will live her life.

DADS AND DAUGHTERS: THE POWER OF FATHERHOOD, FAMILY, AND

RELATIONSHIPS

Paul Watzlawick is famous for his work on the Interactional View, which is the theory
used to explain his work on family systems and the resistance to change. Watzlawick noted that
communication within families has both content and relationship element and that the systems
are highly defiant to change. The only way the family system can be converted is by reframing
the relational punctuation with outside help. This concept of family systems and resistance to
change is known as the Interactional View. The interactional view, according to Watzlawick,
must focus on the communication patterns among all family members to fully understand any
single member of the family. It is also stated that we should focus little on why a person acts in a
certain way, but more so on how that behavior can impact everyone in the group. This is
reiterated in the quote one cannot not influence. In other words, everyone has an affect on a
group of people when they communicate. It is up to that person to alter their speech in order to
get the correct message across. This is also known as metacommunication, which is defined as
altering your language to fit the perception you think people hold about you. Family systems are
highly resistant to change and they need outside sources in order to alter their situation.
The concept of the family systems theory highly affects, and is affected by, the
relationship a father has with his daughter. For a daughter, communication varies for both her
mother and father. Youniss and Ketterlinus reported that, generally father-daughter conversations
are limited in comparison to mother-daughter conversations. The genderlect theory states that in
general, women are more open in private conversations than men anyway, which could influence
the daughter to be more open with her mother. It is also beneficial that the mother can relate to
some of the experiences her daughter is facing, such as puberty. In similar situations, the father is
unable to relate and feels uncomfortable. However, Punyanunt-Carter proved that fathers and

DADS AND DAUGHTERS: THE POWER OF FATHERHOOD, FAMILY, AND

RELATIONSHIPS

daughters have a distinct relationship compared to any relationship with mothers and sons.
Punyanunt-Carter said that fathers show a more positive attitude and give encouraging treatment
to their daughters. When surveying sons and daughters, both agreed that the more time their
father spent with them, the more he listened, and the more sympathetic he was, the better
communication and attitude they had with their father. These types of fathers can affect the type
of family that is created.
Examples of family types and the affects the father has on the family were found in
Punyanunt-Carters research. Families that have similar values and opinions reflect conformity
orientation, which is the amount of power parents use to make their child conform to the topics.
Families that show similar beliefs typically have parents who are in control and have obedient
children. On the other hand, families that are encouraging and believe that their children have an
individual opinion define conversation orientation. Families can be on either pole of the extreme,
but can also fall in the middle of these two types. Another family type that Punyanunt-Carter
(2008) observed was the consensual family. Running similar to a hierarchy, consensual families
believe that individuality is acceptable as long as it falls within the familys expectations or
guidelines. These family types affect how the children are able to communicate within the
family, in-turn affecting how comfortable, close, and certain adolescents are within their family
systems.
There are a few things fathers and daughters can do to improve their communication.
Starting with the relationship, daughters should be able to conform to their fathers ideas, while
still being able to share her own. The father should attempt to be more open with his daughter to
increase comfort. It is suggested that regular, open communication between fathers and
daughters is better than minimal and suppressed communication. On the family level, it is

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reported that fathers and daughters have a closer relationship if the family uses more
conversation. All in all, a father that treats his daughter similarly to that of which he treats his
son, while still maintaining that special father-daughter bond, can stimulate mature mentalhealth-growth in his daughter for the future.
From this paper, one can see that girls experience many challenging, and emotional
moments in their lives and that family plays and important role. One can conclude that fathers
play a specific role in their daughters lives, and that there are ample differences found in girls
who have a significant relationship with their father, than from those who do not. This paper
answers the questions posed to previously unanswered questions about father-daughter
relationships. By examining the different types of fathers and how each type of father has an
affect on the daughter and by looking at father-daughter relationship research influenced by
Endres, then the Relational Dialects Theory and finally, the Interactional View.

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