What Is Parenting With Love and Logic

I
dont understand it. The techniques my

parents used so effectively just dont
seem to work with kids today. Does
this statement sound familiar to you? A lot
of parents today are wondering what to
do with their kids and are frustrated
because the old techniques just dont seem
to get the job done.
Parents want to enjoy their kids, have fun
with them, and enjoy a less stressful family
life. But even if their kids are trouble-free
right now, they fear what the coming
teenage years will bring.
At no time in history have parents been
more unsure of their parental role. Even
the best are not all that sure about whether
they are using the best techniques. They
say that their kids dont appear to be much
like the ones they knew in years past.
A lot of conflicting philosophies have been
presented over the last 30 years. Many of
these sound good, but dont seem to do
the job of helping children become respect-
ful, responsible, and a joy to be around.
Many ideas, offered with the best of inten-
tions, center around making sure that kids
are comfortable and feeling good about
themselves in order to have a good self-
concept. However, we have discovered that
self-confidence is achieved through struggle
and achievement, not through someone
telling you that you are number one. Self-
confidence is not developed when kids are
robbed of the opportunity to discover that
they can indeed solve their own problems
with caring adult guidance.
There is, however, an approach to raising
kids that provides loving support from
parents while at the same time expecting
kids to be respectful and responsible.
This program is known as Parenting with
Love and Logic, a philosophy founded by
Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D., and
based on the experience of a combined
total of over 75 years working with and
raising kids.
Many parents want their kids to be well-
prepared for life, and they know this
means kids will make mistakes and must
be held accountable for those mistakes. But
these parents often fail to hold the kids
accountable for poor decisions because they
are afraid the kids will see their parents as
being mean. The result is they often excuse
bad behavior, finding it easier to hold others,
including themselves, accountable for their
childrens irresponsibility.
Jim Fay teaches us that we should lock
in our empathy, love, and understanding
prior to telling kids what the consequences
of their actions will be. The parenting
course Becoming a Love and Logic Parent
teaches parents how to hold their kids
accountable in this special way. This Love
and Logic method causes the child to see
their parent as the good guy and the
childs poor decision as the bad guy.
When done on a regular basis, kids develop
an internal voice that says, I wonder how
LoveandLogicSolution:
What Is Parenting with Love and Logic?
Jim Fay 1999 Permission granted for photocopy reproduction.Please do not alter or modify contents.For more information,call The Love and Logic Institute,Inc.at (800) 338-4065.
continued on next page

much pain Im going to cause for myself
with my next decision? Kids who develop
this internal voice become more capable of
standing up to peer pressure.
What more could a parent want? Isnt that
a great gift to give your child? Parent child
relationships are enhanced, family life
becomes less strained, and we have time to
enjoy our kids instead of either feeling
used by them or being transformed from
parent to policeman.
The Love and Logic technique in action
sounds like this:
Dad: Oh, no. You left your bike unlocked
and it was stolen. What a bummer. I bet
you feel awful. Well, I understand how easy
it is to make a mistake like that. (Notice
that the parent is not leading with anger,
intimidation, or threats.)
Dad then adds, And youll have another
bike as soon as you can earn enough
money to pay for it. I paid for the first
one. You can pay for the additional ones.
Love and Logic parents know that no
child is going to accept this without an
argument, but Love and Logic parents can
handle arguments. Jim Fay advises just
go brain dead. This means that parents
dont try to argue or match wits with the
child. They simply repeat, as many times
as necessary, I love you too much to
argue. No matter what argument the
child uses, the parent responds I love you
too much to argue. Parents who learn
how to use these techniques completely
change, for the better, their relationships
with kids and take control of the home in
loving ways.
You can learn more about Love and Logic
by contacting the Cline/Fay Love and
Logic Institute, Inc. in Golden, Colorado.
The toll-free number is 1-800-338-4065.
What Is Parenting with Love and Logic?, continued.
TheLoveand Logic People
2207 Jackson Street,Golden,CO 80401
1-800-338-4065
www.loveandlogic.com
Jim Fay 1999 Permission granted for photocopy reproduction.Please do not alter or modify contents.For more information,call The Love and Logic Institute,Inc.at (800) 338-4065.

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I

dont understand it. The techniques my

continued on next page

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