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RESPONSE TO ELKINDS ALL GROWN UP AND NO PLACE TO GO 1
Response to Elkinds All Grown Up and No Place to Go
Asher Lindenbaum Yeshiva University
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Part I General Remarks In his book All Grown Up and No Place to Go, David Elkind (1998) presents his basic psychology of education in which educational techniques are based mainly on childrens development. He argues that many of the major problems in schools can be attributed to their lack of attention to development and social changes (p. 186) and have focused their reforms instead on principles that arent necessarily appropriate for educational environments (p. 164). Elkind applies this basic approach to his understanding of teenage psychology as well. According to Elkind, teenagers seemingly erratic behavior is often a result of their developmental changes. He describes a teenage crisis, in which we ignore the world of the teenager and expect them to mature into adulthood with very little preparation or guidance (Elkind, 1998, p.7). According to Elkind (1998), teenagers face a vast number of challenges throughout their development. Firstly, teenagers have a need for peer approval coupled with an attitude that everyone else is always noticing them (what Elkind calls a teenagers imaginary audience), which causes them to be extremely sensitive toward changes in their body (pp. 40-41). These can be issues of height, weight, or other bodily changes that come with puberty (pp. 55-66). Teenagers often feel bogged down by issues of intimacy problems with a significant other or complicated sexual feelings. Elkind (1998) describes three types of teenage peer shock - social situations which can completely overwhelm teenagers with anxiety. These situations are exclusion from a peer group, betrayal, and disillusionment with peers (pp. 81-102). The anxiety in these cases is particularly salient because adolescents so desperately rely on the support of peers as they attempt to become autonomous (p. 85). RESPONSE TO ELKINDS ALL GROWN UP AND NO PLACE TO GO 3
While at home, teenagers are often faced with identity moratorium. As James Marcia (1991) explains, many teenagers in this stage begin leaning toward specific identity choices but are unable and/or unwilling to make any specific commitments. At this critical time, teenagers have a lot of difficulty with their families because they feel that nobody understands them. They feel that the world expects them to be something that theyre not, and that they dont have the freedom that they feel is their right. Elkind (1998) suggests that parents should learn the basics of childrens development. Through this knowledge, he claims, they will be able to recognize where childrens issues come from and how to respond appropriately (p. 242). In terms of discipline, he suggests that parents speak in terms of principles rather than threat (p. 245). Care for children, he adds, is not about complete control, but about setting boundaries with clear explanations. In this way, adults are treating their children like adults, consistent with the image thrust onto teenagers by changes in society (p. 242). One issue with Elkinds suggestion is that he doesnt provide evidence which directly supports his opinion. Elkinds argument against so-called non-developmental techniques is that they can misfire. He cites Faber and Mazlishs (1980) parenting technique to state what you see (The door is open), and their admission that this technique can misfire the request can potentially be completely ignored by the child (So what? You open it.). According to Elkind, techniques like this mistakenly assume based on postmodern principles that children should never be made to feel guilty. However, he argues, it is important for teenagers to feel guilt under the principle of justice. He then cites an anecdote where he used a response to his son which made him feel guilty and this technique was successful (Elkind, 1998, pp. 249-250). The obvious problem with Elkinds argument is that neither the parenting techniques nor Elkinds suggestions RESPONSE TO ELKINDS ALL GROWN UP AND NO PLACE TO GO 4
about attitudes toward children are supported by research, and both can be plagued by the same problems. Elkinds suggestion can certainly misfire as well perhaps some children will react in horrible ways if they are made to feel guilty in the wrong time. In my opinion, parents turn to parenting literature to suggest new methods to deal with old problems. As Elkind argues, some of these techniques are developmentally appropriate, and many are not. But regardless of their developmental appropriateness, they are techniques, and without evidence to the contrary we can assume that they can be at least as equally as effective as developmentally appropriate techniques. Furthermore, there are multiple proven theories of child development, and none is seen as the prevalent conclusive theory in the research community today. Should parent assume that development precedes learning like Piaget or can they teach children in Vygotskys zone of proximal development? Elkind provides many anecdotes in support of his own understanding of teenage development, but never quite explains how to apply the scientific knowledge of development to parenting. Elkinds advice to schools is based on similar principles to his parenting advice. He suggests that schools should recognize the changes that teenagers experience and strive to adapt to those changes. Like rules set by parents, school rules should be based in specific principles (Elkind, 1998, p. 253). Lastly, he suggests the restructuring of the last years of high school to make them more open to rearrangement and allow for mutual authority of students and schools (p. 254).
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Part II Focus Question From a halakhic perspective, Elkinds advice regarding the involvement of teenagers in religion would be virtually impossible to implement in its entirety in an Orthodox school. It would go against every fiber of a halakhic-based education system to allow children the opportunity to take off from religion Judaism demands complete participation. It is important to note that Elkinds argument assumes that children and teenagers will not feel connected to the religious community. In my experience, however, the insular nature of the Orthodox community already encourages Jewish children and teenagers to identify themselves as deeply attached to Judaism. That being said, this does not apply to every Jewish community, and there certainly are many teenagers who feel disconnected from Judaism. Elkinds historical depiction of the change from the golden era of adolescence (Elkind, 1998, p. 4) to the current teenage crisis took place amongst Jewish children as well. The era in which teenage clubs and groups were so popular saw the rise of very strong Jewish youth movements such as Bnei Akiva, Hillel, BBYO, and NCSY. These were each groups which engendered a sense of religious purpose and community in teenagers. However, as the youth movement culture fizzled, the support which each of these groups offered was no longer sought after by teenagers. Nowadays, youth movements can no longer be successful based only in synagogue programming or in political thought. If implemented successfully, though, youth programming can offer a tremendous amount of support to Jewish teenagers. If I was implementing Elkinds advice into the Jewish community, I believe it would be most successful outside of school. Youth programming must offer the second leg of Jewish learning one which produces a sense of community through an emphasis on social and intellectual growth rather than textual learning (Elkind, 1998, p. 52-53). Successful youth RESPONSE TO ELKINDS ALL GROWN UP AND NO PLACE TO GO 6
programming can offer the fun and inviting environment that teenagers so desperately want. While we cannot offer teenagers a sabbatical from Jewish observance, this can provide a half- shabbos from their limited experiences in school. Programs which can present teenagers an avenue for questioning, though, and growth can have a significant impact on the religious community as a whole.
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References Elkind, D. (1998). All grown up and no place to go. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley. Faber, A., and Mazlish, E. (1980). How to talk so kids will listen: How to listen so kids will talk. New York: Avon. Marcia, J.E. (1991). Identity and self-development. In R.M. Lerner, A.C. Peterson, and E.J. Brooks-Gunn (Eds.), Encyclopedia of adolescence (Vol. 1, pp. 527-531). New York: Garland.