To: Professor Clark, Dep.

Of Communication From: Jerany Smith Date: April 1, 2014 RE: Personal Change Project-Journal Entries My goal for the semester is to decrease listening barriers and create better interpersonal relationships with my co-workers. In the new job that I am in I have created excuses for not being able to listen or talk to the people I work with based on the assumption that because we do not share a lot of common interest that we have nothing in common at all. I would like to decrease my criticism and listener apprehension (Beebe e.5 pg. 133-134) to develop functioning relationships with the people I spend the majority of my time with. Entry 1: March 12, 2014 (Demonstrating Empathy and Avoiding Conversational Narcissism) Today is a little bit of a rough start. Im still pretty new and it was so busy! Phone call after phone call. I was hoping to work on limiting the distractions that create listening barriers. Today wasnt a total loss though. There was a small ten-minute lull where, in normal circumstances, I would take this time to check my email or do other personal tasks on the computer. However, I decided to hone into a conversation that my coworkers, Mickey and Val, were having about Mickeys puppy that had recently past. While Mickey was going through surgery when diagnosed with cancer her little threeyear-old dog died. Usually I shy away from personal conversations with people that I am not a close friend with. I asked her direct questions about her dog to lighten her mood. I gave her the opportunity to talk to me about how wonderful her dog was in her life. She started crying and explained that she thought life was unfair to her. Me: Mickey, I am so sorry. It really is such a trial when everything seems to fall apart. You are so strong though! I cant believe you are already at work! Mickey: I know, Im really struggling but I need the income. Me: Tell me about your puppy. I noticed your picture on your computer. She looked like such a sweetheart. Mickey: Such a sweetheart! Too perfect! She died because she couldnt pass a couple of kidney stones. It really is rotten that this had to happen in an already depressing time. Me: Yeah, it seems to happen like that sometimes. It just seems like the weight of everything in your life is so heavy. When I lost my puppy two years ago my family and I were so distraught because it was unexpected. Its also so unexpected how much you can love your animals!

Mickey: Exactly. Its been one of the hardest things of my life. She was my baby. I was really glad to have had this conversation with Mickey. I think it will allow for her to talk to me more freely about things on her mind. I was able to give her my full attention and empathize with her loss of her dog, Millie. I was careful not to fall into the listening barrier of conversational narcissism. I didnt incorporate my own personal story to take over the conversation but to empathize with hers. The self-absorbed person is much more likely to interrupt others in mid-sentence, as he or she is seeking ways to focus the attention on himself or herself. (Beebe e5 pg. 133) Entry 2: March 13, 2014 (Active Listening) Today I decided to focus on the same concept as yesterday but take it even further by putting myself in a situation actively listen. There was a staff meeting. Instead of sitting with the few ladies that I sit directly next to I moved me lunch to where Sami, one of the processors in our lab, was sitting. Ive noticed that when I walk by that she hasnt look very healthy but rather sick. Hey Sami, how are you doing today? Uh, Im fine. How are you? Im good. In the morning standups Bryan was saying that you were sick. Everything okay? Oh, thats nice of you to ask. Im okay. Ive been at the doctor because of a kidney issue that Ive been having. Ive been in a lot of pain. The sucky part is that they dont know exactly whats wrong or how to cure it. Oh my gosh, do they have you on pain medication or anything? Yep, Im on some pain killers. Its helping. I just hope there is a solution soon. I hope so too. Please let me know if there is anything that you need. I know I dont know you very well but Id love to help if you need it. Oh, Im alright. Ive got my boyfriend and my mom looking out of me. Very nice of you to offer. So, are you liking it here at ARUP? Those who engage in active listening respond mentally, verbally, and nonverbally to the speakers message. (Pg. 143) This was just a summary of our conversation. We managed to talk for a good half-an-hour about her condition and the struggle she has been going through. I have noticed with Sami and Mickey that I have had a hard time empathizing because I dont have any medical problems with my family or I currently that can help me relate. I noticed that actively listening and giving direct eye contact (along with other nonverbal responsive cues) that I am able to have a lengthier and broader conversation.

Being attentive lead to other meaningful conversations. I learned that Sami has family in Fairbanks, AK that she visits every few years. This led us talking about something that we had in common. Great girl! Entry 3: March 17, 2014 (Confirming Responses) This week I wanted to focus on giving confirming responses and avoid disconfirming ones. In our job there is a lot of pressure to handle clients and vendors with care and cater to demanding situations. Ive noticed that Val and Jackie give tons of confirming responses with ease. Ive never felt stupid or incompetent when asking them questions or if I am confused about a procedure. I realized that their confirming responses such as clarifying, agreement, expression or positive feelings, and compliments really give me a sense of appreciation and patience. Today specifically I was listening to Val talk to one of our vendors who lost one of the specimens that we sent to them. She had to repeat procedure instructions and be very patient with the person on the other line. She was so calm and friendly, which I admired. Me: Val, you really are so good with people. I love listening to how you handle certain situations. You never lose control. Its awesome Val: Oh, I dont think Im very good with people. Its nice to hear you say that. Sometimes I feel like Im slipping and not being very professional in situations like that. Me: Well if that was you losing it, I wish I could more often! Ha. You look like youve got a lot on your plate. Is there anything you need help with? Val: That would be so wonderful of you! Ive got three direct submissions and an add test request. I would love to be off of the phone to do these. Me: Here let me take one of those. You can also log off for a second. I can manage the phone. Val: Youre so great! Thank you. This was at the beginning of the day. Throughout the day I continued to try to give at least one confirming response to each person and to respond to any questions directed at me with confirming responses. It was successful. Vals mood seemed to change and she became more positive about her workload as well. As easy as compliments are they really go a long way. I also kept in mind that the everyday kinds of confirmation and support we offer need not be excessive-sincere moderate, heart-felt support is evaluated as the most positive and desirable kind of support. (Pg. 149) Entry 4: March 18, 2014 (Confirming Responses) Today was not as easy as yesterday to give confirming responses. We began training a new girl, Chelsea, last week. She is a chatty Kathy making it very hard to keep the

conversation work related and to train her. She was asked to sit with me for the day and observe job duties. This was especially difficult because Im still fairly new. I decided that I would stick with my original goal for the week and give sincere confirming responses. I monitored what I said, especially with her because it was difficult not to interrupt or be impersonal. Me: So did you understand what that caller was asking for? Chelsea: Not really. She had a really funny voice though! Me: That was Keely from the Client Service department. She was requesting to have a specimen rerouted from our lab to the tissue bench. Chelsea: Okay, so do we do that? Me: Yes, the list of things that we have to do seems ends and hard to understand in the beginning. Youll catch on though! Just be patient with yourself and maybe take some notes? Chelsea: Oh, I dont need notes. Ill remember that one. Me: Alright. Sounds good. I think youre already one step ahead of where I was when I started. I tried really hard not to criticize the speaker. (Pg. 133) I easily get frustrated when someone that doesnt seem to be interested in learning limits my job accuracy. I think it was important to not criticize and interrupt her when she would go off on a thought she had about something totally irrelevant. If I were critical and disconfirming she would have assumed that I was that way base on that first impression. Being patient and giving confirming responses made me more approachable and credible which is important when being a team is critical in a work environment. Entry 5: March 26, 2014 (Assuming Differences) Ive been making some real progress in my communication with all of the people I work with. My goal of creating ease in conversation seems to be a reality. In my proposal I made it clear that I assume differences with my co-workers. Its still true today even with the progress that I have made. We connect to others base on what we hold in common. (Pg. 107) This has been the hardest part of making small talk and keeping conversations with others that I work with. When I was in seasonal work at a ski resort and a national park it was easy to relate to others because we had a very common interest in the outdoors. None of the ladies I work with even work out! I decided today that I couldnt base my interpersonal relationships with them based on this aspect. I need to stop assuming our differences. Today Carly put up a new picture of her boyfriend on her desk. It was a picture of him rock climbing. This sparked my interest and I decided to stop assuming everyone wouldnt even know what I am talking about.

Me: Carly, does your boyfriend like to rock climb? Carly: Yes! Loves it. He tries to get me to go all of the time but I have the hardest time because everyone is so good and I can barely get off the ground! Do you rock climb? Me: Yes, I love it. It is definitely hard to get into. It was really hard for me at first because I had no upper body strength. I would love to go with you guys. Do you climb at a gym? Carly: I really dont think that you want to go with me. Im really awful. Me: Im sure that is not true. I love that about climbing though. It doesnt really matter what level your at. There is something for everyone. I would really love to go with you. Carly: That would be fun. My boyfriend would love that because he can never get me to go. This was a turning point for me. Even if the people Im around dont have all of my common interests doesnt mean that they arent knowledgeable or would show interest if you introduced something to them. Communication effectiveness is diminished when ewe assume were all different from one another in every aspect, just as communication is affected negatively if we assume were all alike. (Pg. 108) Entry 6: March 28, 2014 (Responding Skills) Today I wanted to focus on improving my responding skills. I have been successful in creating confirming responses but I thought that it could be useful to look at the responding skills listed on pages 154 and 155 in the textbook. Listed are well-timed responses, useful information, avoiding unnecessary details, and being descriptive rather that evaluative. I wanted to incorporate these in my interactions with my coworkers. There was a procedure that I was not very clear on today so I decided to ask Val to see how she would go about it. Her advice seemed to make sense. After I completed my task I didnt think about it again until my supervisor came up to me to relay that they way the procedure was done was incorrect. I did not give them unnecessary details by saying something like, Well Val told me thats how its done. Instead I let my supervisor know that I didnt think that the whole department was clear on the procedure an that perhaps an outline should be created and sent in an email to everyone in the department. I wanted to create a well-timed response to the misinformation given to me and make sure the useful information was given to everyone. My response to my supervisor was much better than my initial thought of either telling my supervisor to let Val know the correct information or giving her the information myself. I really thought about it and over the last few weeks I have come to notice that

Val is very sweet and very sensitive. That response would have hurt her feelings and maybe even have some bitter feeling towards giving me any input. Instead a productive response was created that could benefit everyone in the lab. Entry 7: March (Using Words to Establish Relationships) There were few concepts in chapter 6 in my reading about the use of words and verbal messages. My goals have mainly been based around listening and listening barriers but I may want to work on my verbal communication as well. Today was a prime example. Most people dont like someone who always seems certain that he or she is right. I may not specifically say that I am right but I may come across that way. In my job the majority of people have a seven days on, seven days off schedule. I work Monday through Friday so I see both groups every other week. I tend to get rigid rather than flexible towards the differences in procedures between the supervisor on week A and week B. Ive decided to create a new goal of being more flexible. Christina: Hey Jerany, you shouldnt be putting labels on the paperwork that you are faxing to the client. Me: Oh really? Why is that, if you dont mind me asking? Christina: Because the client doesnt need to see and ARUP label. Its for our purposes only. Me: That makes sense. I think that the other week has a different procedure because Ive been taught to put the labels on to establish the ARUP association and reference number. Christina: No, Im pretty sure Im right. Well have to look into it. Even though Christina started being rigid and claimed to be right I didnt allow myself to get defensive. It is quite difficult especially when this type of thing happens frequently. I just want to say something like, That doesnt make any sense! Just take a minute an evaluate your procedure. Obviously that cant be said for the reason of being otheroriented and not being rigid myself. Entry 8: April 4 (Empathize Rather Than Remain Detached) Even though I had that experience a few weeks ago with Mickey where I was able to step outside of my box and empathize with her lost of her puppy, I still havent been able to do that on a daily basis. I still tend to remain detached and give little disclosure. I decided to read the Self Disclosure Guidelines on page 63 in the textbook to help me. 1. Be other-oriented. Think about how your information will affect others. Will it make any of my co-workers uncomfortable? 2. Monitor non-verbal responses. Ask if the information is appropriate.

3. Do not disclose too much information. 4. Limit the amount of information shared based on the response of the other person. 5. The best response can sometimes be listening and paraphrase key parts of the information given. No need for advice. Just be supportive. I like these guidelines because the give both sides of disclosure: listening and giving. I had another conversation with Mickey. Shes very interesting to me and she is so incredibly sweet that I really enjoy her reactions and input. Me: I noticed that you have a lot of family that works here. If you dont mind me asking, do you like it or does it drive you crazy? Mickey: Both. Do you not get along with your family? Is that why you ask? Me: I do. We just tend to get a long better at a distance. Mickey: Oh really? Why is that? If you dont mind me asking? Me: They just dont view the way I live acceptable. I dont like to hurt their feeling and they cant help but to get nosy and then disappointed. Mickey: I completely know what that is like. I grew up in an LDS home and it was similar to that for years! Luckily my family as whole has become more diverse. Yours will come around eventually. Youre a great girl. This conversation was great and followed the guidelines. There was disclosure on both ends and it was something that we had in common. We ended up talking for about an hour about the subject. I have an all-new appreciation for Mickey, which I wouldnt have gained if I had continued to be detached. Usually I would have stopped that conversation right away but I considered the self-disclosure rule along with the benefits that would come from disclosing some information. I learned more about her and even gained new perspective on my set in stone opinions. Summary: This has been a surprisingly been less difficult than I anticipated. By the end of these few weeks there has been quite a difference in my work environment and the communication between my co-workers and I. I think the difficulty that I originally had involved being new, trying to learn the job, and assuming differences. Now, I am more accepting of others around me at work. Ive disclosed more information about myself following certain guidelines and have found new ways to be less rigid and detached. Ive really focused on giving confirming responses to create a positive atmosphere as well. One struggle I have been dealing with and will continue working on in the time before the final project is due is assuming differences even less. Thats the biggest thing standing in the way of effective interpersonal communication. I still get it in my mind

that conversing with others is difficult because Im at a loss of what to talk about. I want to bridge that gap and find some ease in the conversations I have. Listening effectively has helped so far along with giving positive confirmation and feedback. I need to continue to develop that skill and will need to continue to practice selecting, attending to, constructing meaning from, remembering, and responding. (Pg. 126)