Running Head: ME VERSUS THEM?

Me Versus Them? Michael de Vera Seattle University

ME VERSUS THEM? Me Versus Them K-12 Educational Experience Looking back, the most salient part of my K-12 educational experience was filled with moments of hiding my identities as well as shunning the realities of my own harsh situations. From a developmental perspective, I was aware that people were different, since I felt different from the rest, but I had no sense of appreciating it. Throughout elementary school, I was a kid who changed friends every two years, only limiting myself to friendships in my class. I was not

a leader but a chameleon who tried to find ways to be in with the crowd, though I do not think I ever felt I truly mattered. This way of thinking influenced my interpersonal skills. Joining a group of slackers, I made random outbursts at attempts to humor people, which attracted certain individuals and dismayed others, including my teacher. I did not use inclusive language, using words like gay to describe things I did not like as well as swearing. Since I had no sisters, I portrayed girls as the others, often not knowing how to interact with them when they wanted to play with their male peers during recess. Nonetheless, being introduced to the idea of difference was a necessary step towards my own multicultural competence. On the contrary, the biggest challenge in my K-12 educational experience was feeling marginalized. My mom thought it was a good idea of putting me in a private school after realizing that my younger brother was getting into a lot of trouble and my grades were slipping. I had grown up in a Catholic household, having gone through the rituals of Baptism and First Communion; I attended Catechism classes every week as well. Going to a non-Catholic urban and Conservative institution was the antithesis to everything my life was founded upon. During fifth grade, I breathed in an environment where my teacher would go on spontaneous rants about how Catholics are not Christian, fellow students cracked the code that letters in Santa can be

ME VERSUS THEM? used to spell Satan, and worshippers would have epileptic-like movements and speak in tongue. I was not sure who knew I was Catholic, and having some of the highest grades in class

was not enough to feeling like mattering nor trusting anyone. Although it was a short-lived three years before my parents pulled me out of Calvary Christian School, the effects stayed, and my high school experience can be described with a lack of trust and an inability to find long-lasting friendships. Undergraduate Experience As a survivor of a traumatic experience, I had the mindset that things will get better. Things got better. After having a rather dull and forgettable two years at a barren community college, I transferred to UCLA. At first, it was rough and took a while to get used to accepting others attempts to build relationships. The real challenge during my college years was becoming aware of my own personal bias. I found this out through my increasing involvement with the Filipino community on campus. At the beginning, I was hesitant to join a student organization based on race. I asked myself, Why would I want to be in a room with a bunch of Filipinos? What is there to talk about in a Filipino club? In addition, I was hesitant to open up and embrace others, partly because I was surprised toward the amount of sincerity and attention they brought to me with every interaction. My initial bias dictated that there was a selfish motive behind every word said or hand shaken, so it was hard not to suspect something of each interaction. Although there was motive, I learned to embrace the raw sincerity and actually listen to their intentions: build community, know history of the Filipino people, and advocate for what is just. As a result, I was able to empathize with a people whose struggles affect me today. The most memorable parts of my time at UCLA can be described by my role to define what it means

ME VERSUS THEM?

to be a person of color, why it is important to engage in culturally relevant education, and how to build coalitions across communities. These ideas were explored through the planning/teaching of an internship course in the Community Programs Office as well as managing a campaign to establish a Filipino studies program in the Asian American Studies Department. Family I think that the best biggest contribution my family has helped me in my multicultural development is understanding that multicultural awareness involves more than just interaction with different people. At UCLA, I learned that, in order to know the self, it is important to learn ones own history. However, it was not until after I graduated when family history surfaced. I discovered that my grandfather on my biological fathers side, a USC graduate, was director of the Filipino Christian Church in what is now considered Historic Filipinotown in Los Angeles. In the 70s, my father was a founding member of a community-based organization called SIPA (Search to Involve Pilipino Americans); when my dad and uncle had band rehearsal in my grandmas garage, it would reel in club members like a social gathering. That same decade, Cesar Chavez used my dads band to rally Filipino and Latino workers in a fight for better worker treatment in the grape fields of Delano. Not only did I realize that I had been continuing the service that was apparent in my lineage, but also that my actions (two generations later) are so crucial for my family and community. As helpful as it is to understand the history of my family, it can also help bring certain family issues to light. Being raised by in a household of seven (five boys, mom, and stepdad), there was a lot of love to go around, but there was also a lot of chaos. It was not unusual to be woken up by my parents fighting on Saturday mornings. Dealing with my parents butting ideologies on parenting, finances, and work (among other priorities) surfaced painful

ME VERSUS THEM? experiences, but at the time, I thought it was normal. Interacting with friends and their families, I am able to see how scarring and unhealthy the shouting matches were. My parents not being able to compromise for the sanity of the family resulted in more than the fact they were both stubborn but that they were different. A chunk of my moms childhood in the Philippines was not living with her parents, and forcing her to learn many things on her own. As a result, my mom has an its my way or the highway approach to parenting, something that my stepfather has had a hard time dealing with. Self-Assessment I think that I am most developed in my interactions with others. I try to become as unassuming as possible when it comes to learning about others. When I facilitate, I attempt to create a safe space that encourages support and vulnerability. This stems from my natural curiosity for exploring difference. As an Anthropology student, I found the term cultural relativity, the idea that ones way of life is seen as normal to the self and different towards another. This concept has broadened my scope of the many factors and experiences that create differences between two people, hoping not to undermine even the smallest distinctions. I always keep this in mind, especially when facilitating groups that share a common trait. For instance, I could never assume that all Filipinos were raised Catholic, even though many were. The idea of variance brought me away from categorizing individuals, which connects to one of the most important lessons in my first college English course: There is no one answer; it depends on perspective. On the other hand, I feel that there is room for personal growth, and I hope to take

advantage of my time here in the SDA program. First, I think being more outspoken about what I believe is an area of growth for me. This aligns with my goal of being more assertive.

ME VERSUS THEM? Sometimes, my subjective mindset can prevent me from speaking up because I either have

nothing to add with what has been said or am finding what I agree with, thinking there is no need to argue another opinion. Nonetheless, I am learning to realize that what I believe is still important, and I should take an active approach to contributing in the classroom because it will help me contribute during times of adversity outside it. Another area of growth is learning to create social change from an administrative level. As Assistant Resident Director, I am surprised by the amount of office-related tasks that need to be done: charging residents for missing keys, office hours, sanctioning students who have violated policies. I look forward to the opportunities I have with students more than the times I sit in front of a computer screen. In reality, these two aspects of my job go hand-in-hand, and I need to be able to articulate how my job (as well each task) encourages an educationally sound and multicultural environment.