Free Adam Lyons Comfort Building PDF
Free Adam Lyons Comfort Building PDF
Free Adam Lyons Comfort Building PDF
www.AttractionExplained.com
Contents
Preface
Timetable
Before We Start
What is Attraction?
Body Language and Kino
Social Proof
Comfort Building and Opening
Number Closing
Night Game
Conversation Skills
Breaking Rapport
Qualication
Sexual Escalation
Isolating and K-Close
Dance Floor Game
Wingman Ship
Fashion and Dress Sense
Phone and Text Game
Day 2s
Condence and Inner State
Importance of Practicing
3 5 8 12 21 27 33 41 47 56 & 63 69 77 87 92 97 102 109 116 122
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Preface
Welcome to the Attraction Explained Personal Study Course with Adam Lyons!
Every week there are dozens and dozens of seduction courses being taught around the world. Men everywhere are on a quest to improve themselves with the opposite sex. They are learning how to approach, interact with and eventually seduce women. This workbook was developed for some of the bootcamps and workshops that I run. It is to help the students and instructors follow along and have all of the notes consolidated in one spot. Over the past few months there have been countless requests on how to obtain it. Rather than let a good resource sit unused we have released it to the public as a DIY bootcamp handbook.
As it is an actual workbook being used on my
courses you will notice the different sections broken down with listed times. We have left it there so that you could see how long bootcamps take and the time dedicated on each section.
This guide is accompanied by an audio series that should help you along your journey toward attraction. While this book will contain information about the various topics of game it is meant only as a tool to help understand how to carry out your actions. If it is only read with no action being applied you will hinder your learning process. At the end of every lesson you will be given a practical application section with ideas and actions that you can go out and do yourself. We ask you to take your own notes, ll out the sections, listen to the audio, work on the practical applications and do the day game and night game sections. Treat this as if you were on an actual course and schedule in some practice. Try to have fun while practicing and don't hold
yourself back. If you get caught with any sticking points along the way try working on that specic section a few times until you feel comfortable. If any questions arise please use www.attractionexplained.com as a resource. For more personal interactions and specic questions feel free to speak to other users at www.attractionexplained.com/forum.
Timetable
Friday Evening
6:45 Meet and Greet, Students to Arrive
6:55 Instructors to Arrive 7:00 Introduction 7:30 What is Attraction? 8:00 Body Language and Kino 8:30 Social Proof 9:00 Comfort Building and Opening 9:30 Number Closing 9:50 Organize Wing Groups 10:00 Night Game 1:00 a.m. Night Game is Ofcially Over (emphasis is on student assessment of ability)
Saturday
11:45 Students Arrive
11:55 Instructors Arrive Noon: Feedback on Night Game 12:30 3 Characters 1:30 Skills of a Natural 2:30 Breaking Rapport 3:00 Qualication 3:30 Sexual Escalation 4:00 Isolating and K-Close 4:30 Dance Floor Game 5:00 Wingman Ship 5:30 Q&A 6:00 Solo Day Game Exercises 7:00 Break for Dinner, Shower, Change Clothes, Prepare for Night Game 9:15 Students to Arrive at Night Game Venue 9:30 Consultations with Wing Groups 10:00 Night Game Begins 1:00 a.m. Night Game is Ofcially Over
Sunday
10:45 Students to Arrive 11:00 Move to Day Game Venue 11:15 Day Game Starts 1:00 Feedback of Night and Day Game 1:30 Fashion and Dress Sense 2:00 Phone and Text Game 2:30 Day Twos 3:00 Condence and Inner State 3:30 Importance of Practicing 3:45 Q&A 4:00 Instructors Leave
Before We Start
Meet and Greet, Students to Arrive To ensure a timely start, we ask all students to arrive at 6:45 p.m. Please bring a small notepad and pencil for note taking and be appropriately dressed for night game. This means wearing nice pants or jeans with no rips, appropriate shoes (no gym shoes!), and a shirt to go out in. Please do not bring anything you do not wish to carry as there will unlikely be a place to store it. We ask that all worries and inhibitions be left behind. This is a chance to start with an open mind. Your expectations and goals will be hit more easily without any mental blocks in the way. Make sure you are rested, prepared and refreshed! This is going to be a long and challenging weekend and we are expecting everyone to put in their best effort.
Introduction This is a chance for the instructors and students to get to know each other. We would like to know everyones individual aims and reasons for taking the course. We try to make sure that each of the students get as tailored a course as possible to ensure that they meet their goals, as realistically as possible. In order to get the best out of the course it is important that you are honest with yourself and the instructors about your experience and ambitions. With that in mind, please fill out the sections in the space provided and be prepared to discuss them. Your workbook is completely confidential and for you to keep. It is to be used as a tool to monitor your progress and understand the course as well as contains a majority of the notes that you will need to take on the course.
Self Assessment
How did you hear about the game?
What made you decide to attend this boot camp or purchase the Personal Study Course?
How long have you been actively trying to improve your results with women? What made you start?
What is your previous experience to date? Including books and websites read, any forum participation, or previous boot camps or seminars attended.
What primary thing would you like to see improve as a result of taking this boot camp?
What 3 things would you like to gain an understanding of whilst on the boot camp?
What is Attraction?
Most people that study how to improve their success with women never truly bother to question why it works. They simply stand on the shoulders of giants copying the lines, routines and methods of the instructors hoping to achieve the same results. Most students who have a great experience on a bootcamp, witnessing great examples of game and occasionally achieving the same results themselves on the weekend, tend to find themselves unable to reproduce the effects as the passage of time causes them to forget exactly how to apply the tricks and routines or energy that they learnt while still on the course. Our aim is to make sure that you understand why we become attracted to others, thereby understanding how to generate and create that attraction whenever we want. If you only learn how it works then you are only covered for specific situations and will constantly be looking for further information on how to reproduce those effects on other scenarios. If you
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understand what youre attempting to achieve in an interaction then you are capable of generating attraction whenever you want. More importantly, you can do it in your own style to prevent from becoming a clone of someone else. We become attracted to anything that we invest our personal time, emotion, and energy into. Imagine spending the next 5 years of your life saving money to buy your ideal car. You sacrifice your social life to take up a second job and spend all of your time and energy working to buy your perfect car. After all that time you eventually purchase it and enjoy driving it home. When you pull up to your house you are shocked to discover an identical car parked in your driveway. The identical car is one you have won from a contest you entered a week earlier. There is no point in keeping both the cars. Honestly, which would you sell? Almost everybody would agree that they would sell the car they just won as opposed to the one they bought. There is no attachment to the car they won. They are more attracted to the object they invested in. Attraction is triggered any time we
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invest in something. The harder we work to achieve it, the harder we want it.
The key to getting women to want you is to get them to invest in you. Certain characteristics may cause them to invest in you without the need to try hard or even approach. Many people are blessed with a number of these characteristics already and, for the most part, this explains many the success that typical guys get. Increasing the number and quality of these characteristics will have a direct positive effect on our ability with the opposite sex. However, it is possible to punch above our weight and secure a relationship, whether short or long, with someone of a considerable higher quality than us. Though for this, we need a way to convince them to begin investing in us. There are several ways to do this, but all of them share a common principle.
These can be thought of as pieces of a pie chart. The more qualities you have, the more full your pie is. The larger your pie, the more attractive you are. In any situation where you find yourself possessing more of these qualities than a girl youre attempting to attract, youll often find they will do most of the work for you, including approach.
However, there are situations where you will want to date somebody of a higher caliber who is, for lack of better words, out of your league. In these situations it is necessary to show the other person an alternate way to assess your value. We do this by building a much more personal relationship and getting the other person to invest. As we demonstrated earlier, the more they invest the more attracted in you they will be. There is a simple formula we use to keep track of the process of getting someone to invest in you. The Formula: (C R) + Q + SE = A C: Comfort Adding value to someone to gain their time and attention R: Rapport Comfort + Trust. When two people are comfortable speaking (the goal is to remove some of this) Q: Qualification Assessing their suitability. The more they prove themselves they more they are investing. SE: Sexual Escalation To increase the sexual chemistry (typically through kino or conversation) A: Attraction The Goal!
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Self Assessment
What one word can be used to describe what attracts us to others?
If you are hoping to attract a girl who you believe is out of your league, what would you need to get her to do?
On a scale of 1 to 10, rank how high you think you are with these: At home in a comfortable environment: At work: At a familiar social gathering: Alone at a bar (or other social gathering): Doing this will get someone to prove themselves to you. What is it?
According to the stages of attraction, removing this stage will build up a level of awkwardness. What is it?
Building this will develop trust and give you the time to build attraction. What is it?
Doing this increases the tension between both parties and alludes to more intimate intentions. What is this?
Practical Applications
Write down at least 3 times when you have invested your time and energy into something and were disappointed with the result.
Write down at least 3 times when you have invested your time and energy into something and were pleased with the results.
Think of an item you own where you would be devastated if you lost it. Why do you have that attachment to that item? What does it mean to you?
We have a tendency to give space to others. When someone invades our space by moving closer to us we often make space for them. Of course, by giving up our space we're portraying a passive behavior, one that is instantly picked up on by any girl we give space to. This subtly conveys our unconscious idea that she has a higher value and sets the standard for the rest of the interaction with her as being the higher value prize. Instead, maintain your own space and continue the interaction from whatever comfortable position you're currently sitting in. Don't concern yourself too much with body positions beyond these simple rules. If you try to actively create distance between yourselves, or to try and begin the interaction at an obscure angle, you're only going to make the situation even more awkward. Just carry out the interactions from the position you were in when you first met the other person. Another thing to bear in mind is common courtesy. If you find yourself dealing with a moving set on the street or in another similar public location try not to startle them. Approaching from behind can often scare someone. Don't get too in their face. Keep a comfortable distance and close the gap later on.
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Finally, be wary of how your body language appears to others around you. If two girls are leaning against a wall and you approach, it then is apparent to the rest of the room that you're hitting on them. Try to position yourself against the wall so that they appear to be the one's hitting on you. Kino, or touch, is done in different ways, dependent on what stage or effect you're trying to create. In short, it should mirror the stage or effect you're trying to create with your game. In the early comfort building stages it should be light, gentle and not prolonged. During the breaking rapport stages you should focus more on playful touches and games. Finally, during the qualification and sexual escalation stages you're either removing it completely or building up affirmations and positive rewards by slowly escalating into more intimate touching as the interaction moves on. Remember, kino is the key to building a connection with someone.
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If you're not using kino don't be surprised if your game isn't working as well as you would have liked.
Self Assessment
Where are you most comfortable?
If you don't use much kino how likely are you to have success?
Practical Applications
Look in the mirror and practice confident body language. Stand up straight with your shoulders back and your chest squared.
Practice using kino! Open 5 sets and kino at least 5 times within the first 2 minutes. Once you can do that, raise it to 10 times.
Use kino to physically open a set. Put your hand on the womans shoulder to get her attention before you actually speak.
Give yourself a handicap! Once you feel comfortable with kino try variations of it. An example is to see if you can kino without using your hands. Ie, use your shoulders or hips to lightly bump them, tap them slightly with your feet, etc.
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Social Proof
One of the most attractive qualities you can possess is Social Proof. Imagine a football player at your high school, or a lead singer of a band who is backstage at his own private after party. People will be fighting over each other in order to get closer to those who have high social value. As they all compete for the same persons attention that persons social proof grows. They are proven to be social. In every single individual situation your social proof will vary. For example, if we were to switch the football player and lead singer into each other's social situations they are unlikely to carry the same social weight. Believe it or not, it is possible to create this same social value without having to know any of the people in advance or even having to possess any kind of exceptional skill, aside from basic knowledge of social interactions.
Think back to a situation where you were at a bar and you took the time to talk to someone next to you in the line. If you were to then see that same person a few moments later, what would happen? You probably find that they would smile at you in a favorable way. This is not surprising as you have already had a brief moment with them earlier. This familiarity creates a connection between you both. Now imagine that you create this familiarity between yourself and every single person you meet at a single location or venue. What would happen as you walk around the room? You would find people smiling at you wherever you went in the venue. The more people who smile at you the more others would begin to wonder who you were. Slowly but surely your social proof would increase. From this position it is that much easier to actually approach and speak to the person you want to, as your social value is already quite high.
Social Suicide is created when you spend time standing alone or awkwardly in a small group, wandering around and not really talking to anyone or occasionally making quick comments to people without attempting to engage them fully. If you do this for too long you will end up appearing like a social outcast who obviously doesn't know anyone at the venue and is trying to get in with them. The easiest way to avoid this is to find a base set. This is a group of girls who may not be particularly attractive but are friendly and warm to you. This way instead of standing around alone wondering who to approach next you can simply sit in set with them joking and being social whilst you work out who to approach. Try to spend your rst hour in a venue opening everyone and nding your base
set. Then go back around and open everyone a second time, though this time try and engage and hook the set by building comfort and adding value.
Self Assessment
List 3 different social proof openers you could use.
Practical Applications
Social Proof is all about being the guy that everyone in a venue knows and is friendly with.
Try going to a venue you already visit on a regular basis (i.e. coffee shop, bookstore, restaurant) and become friendly with everyone. Learn everyones name, make a point of greeting them when you enter and exit, and have casual conversation. See how many visits it takes before they start to recognize you and enjoy your visits.
When out night gaming do the capture-recapture method. Politely greet people at the beginning of the night as you explore the venue. As you later go to open your sets count how many are receptive to your approach. Compare this to how girls react to cold approaches.
There are a number of different methods you can use when opening. These are detailed below.
Compliment When opening with a compliment it's important not to compliment a girl on something she hasn't earned herself. Her natural beauty is unlikely to be something she worked for. You should instead comment on something more obscure, such as her sense of style or the way she walks. However, the real trick is to be specific about the compliment and explain why you feel this way
I have to tell you, I really love the way you walk. I know this may sound strange, it's just so rare to see a girl who actually manages to walk in an elegant way nowadays. Most girls you find have rolled shoulders, look a little shy and timid. I really like the way you move.
Functional These openers are designed to get a conversation started in the simplest way possible, by asking normal questions about locations or events. Do you know what this event is about? Do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?
Opinion These openers are one of the easiest to pull off as they encourage the girl to take the weight of the conversation after the open. They should always be based upon a real event in your life, or something you were just talking about. You should always have an opinion opener ready so you have something to open with. I was just talking to my two friends here.... wearing tight and tiny clothes? How
Situational These openers are the easiest to do, and can generate some really impressive results. Make a statement about something you've observed in the area to someone standing next to you, then continue the conversation from there. Wow can you believe they have those paintings throughout the entire restaurant? They have to be fake. What do you think?
Direct In this situation you're seeking to be as direct as possible without giving them the chance to get rid of you. This can be a very high risk choice as when it does work it works incredibly well; if it doesn't you find out really quickly. Do this too often and you can end up committing social suicide. I just had to stop you and say you look really interesting. I don't have too long to talk but had to say hi. I'm . And your name?
All of these openers are merely designed to break the ice. After this you will need to employ what is known as a transition. A transition is designed to continue a conversation beyond the point you're currently talking about. If you don't transition the conversation won't go anywhere. In the initial part of the conversation you're trying to add value to the other person either by being interesting, such as talking about things they're interested in, or by being fun and increasing the enjoyment of the group.
Some people are naturally funny and create value by being fun. If you're not in this category then you're probably better off sticking with talking about things the other person is interested in. Typically this would involve getting them to talk about themselves until you found topics that you both had in common which is an easy platform to use to generate even more conversation.
If you don't plan on using one of the above openers to transition (the opinion opener is a great transition to use) then you can always go on to ask them where they are from, what they're doing here, find out what they are interested in and so on. These are basic conversational pieces simply designed to get the interaction lasting further. The attraction isn't generated at this stage. You're just looking for them to engage in conversation with you. As soon as they begin the conversation it's time to think about breaking rapport.
Self Assessment
Create your own openers! Compliment: Situational: Functional: Opinion:
Practical Applications
When opening we often find that guys become too outcome dependent because they feel they must get the phone number and date every girl they meet. Get rid of that dependency and open just to practice opening. Open 50 sets but dont try to hook the set, transition or close. After the opener tell them you have to run off and thank them for the quick chat.
After having created your own openers go out and try each one. Take note of the responses you receive. Which one worked the best? Which didnt give you as positive of a result? How could you have improved it?
Once you feel comfortable opening try to hook sets for as long as possible. Try not to let the conversation die or dry up. You know you have reached the hook point when the girl is actively participating in the conversation.
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Number Closing
With only comfort and very little attraction it is very possible to obtain phone numbers. The key is to then continue an interaction with someone either over the phone or via text message with a view to generate the attraction at a later date. Obtaining phone numbers is just a matter of building up enough comfort with someone and having a justified reason to obtain their number. It is important to remember to give a justified reason for why you would like the phone number. The reason might not initially be because there is attraction between the two of you, and that is OK. Getting the phone number, even as a business contact, is an excuse to continue speaking with the person and continue the interaction between you. It then buys more time to continue building comfort and eventually generating attraction. Flakes occur when you arent clear with your intentions. If you ask someone for their number because you have a friend who works in the same line of business but then send a text asking them on a date you can expect them to flake. The
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reason for the number and the reason for the text message arent cohesive. If they align then the flake rate will reduce. There are 4 simple justifications that you can use to obtain a number with the aim of building attraction. These are listed below.
Networking Networking is possibly the easiest reason of all to use. People know how important it is to network to help with life and careers. All you need to find is either a work connection between you both, i.e. you both work in the same line of business, or to find friends who work in the same line of business. Essentially any way you can work out a legitimate reason to stay in touch for the purposes of networking for work will suffice.
Wow, my friend is in the same line of work as you. You know what, I should introduce you two. Perhaps he can help you out with something.
Place of Interest Another way to justify obtaining someone's contact details is to offer to send them, or request that they send you, details of a place you would like to visit. Perhaps you're talking about a restaurant they would like to go to or they know a museum you haven't been to. Either way, you can send the details of the place via phone number. You're going to love this restaurant. Let me send you the address, how can I contact you?
Party One of the easiest ways to number close is to bring up a party. Telling someone you are organising a party and inviting everyone you meet to make it a good night is a great way of swapping details and also arranging a date. It is also low pressure because you are telling her to bring friends, so it is not a one-on-one scenario. My friends and I are heading to a club tomorrow night. Its supposed to be really good, you and your girls should come along. Whats the best way of staying in touch?
Direct A direct number close involves laying out your intentions to the person in hopes that they will give you their contact details just because they feel comfortable doing so. This contains no lies or excuses, it is simply asking someone for their phone number just because you would like to stay in touch. Now, dont confuse the direct method as a reason to be the trashy-phone-number guy. Saying to someone, Hey, gimme your number isnt as calibrated as being nonchalant and genuine. Because this method is direct it will only yield two results, one positive and one negative. It is the one with the highest risk, but if comfort and investment was established then it should work in your favor.
Hey, you were really interesting to speak to. How can we go about staying in touch?
Self Assessment
How many numbers are you likely to get if you dont ask for any?
Practical Applications
Always push for the number close even if you dont think youre doing well. As an exercise, go out during night game and open 5 sets. Ask for the number in all 5 of those sets and see how many you get. The point is to get into the habit of asking every single set for their phone number.
Do the same for day game. Give yourself a number of approaches you will do and go for the number close every time.
Experiment with different types of number closes. Use each one while practicing and see which yields you the best result.
Advanced: Once you are comfortable and solid with number closes, give yourself a time restriction. Try to do a 5-minute close, 3-minute, then eventually a 1-minute.
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Night Game
Organize Wing Groups
At this point in the Personal Study Course you should plan to go out to a night venue and practice night game. Later we will discuss the importance of wingman ship, but for now you should get a wing or friend to go out with. This partner should work alongside you in throughout the night. The goal is to work with your partner to help one another achieve results. Give each other social proof, use DHV introductions, wing each other in set and help with any potential obstacles that might arise.
Night Game Begins!
Go out in set with your wing groups. The aim here is to practice building social proof and opening. You are encouraged to go for number closes if you feel condent to do so. At the end of the night record your progress and write down what you did well, what your sticking points were, and how you can improve for next time.
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Im scared of approaching. I have a fear of rejection. They arent in the mood to be spoken to. She wont think I look good enough. I cant meet people in a night club/park/coffee shop. Im not good enough for him/her. Theres no point, it wont work.
These are probably the most common reasons given as to why someone cant approach or the feeling that is preventing them from approaching. The fact that these are so prevalent is because they are all based on very real psychological factors to do with learning and behaviour. Anxiety is defined by as a physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components. These factors essentially make up the feelings that we experience as fear, apprehension, and worry.
The anxious feelings were created by an association between a past negative experience and the current situation. These associations are often false and not related through causality (the idea that one situation directly affects another) but through correlation (one thing tends to affect another over repeated attempts). The law of contagion is probably the best explanation as to why approach anxiety happens. It it best explained by the notion of getting bad luck or having a bad time every time you go to a specific venue. The anxiety, or fear, is maintained through a form operant conditioning. Essentially the feeling of anxiety is reinforced every time you are in a similar situation. You then learn to remove the negative feeling of anxiety by not approaching.
These connections of patterns are common throughout all the human societies across the world. The human brain is adept at forming these patterns, though we do not have a particularly good system for distinguishing between real and perceived connections. Theoretically this is due to a simple survival tactic. If we notice rustling behind a bush it is better for us to assume it is some form of threat and begin to prepare our bodies to defend ourselves rather than ignore it and risk being eaten. Our fear or anxiety response is actually designed to help us survive in a fight or flight scenario. Unfortunately these are not particularly beneficial when we are looking for something witty to say during a conversation with someone. In short, we learn the fear through a number of negative experiences and then reinforce them by not doing anything about it. The bodies natural reaction towards a fearful situation is the feeling we associate with approach anxiety or the fear of
How to Fix AA! All of the common problems detailed above can be directly related to the false belief that failure is almost certain due to some form of connection to a previous situation that failed. Unless you actively do something to fix these problems, they will continue to support themselves. The good news is that this problem is far from unfixable. The bad news is that it does take time. The easiest way to fix this is to actually go out and meet new people. The problem is that when you do this, any negative experience you receive is likely to reinforce the previous attitude or fear you had before. One of the easiest ways to get around this is to simply meet people for the sake of meeting people.
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It seems that most people, especially those in the pick up community, are too outcome dependent. They are afraid to even speak to someone of the opposite sex because they might get rejected. Instead of trying to achieve something, just be friendly and speak to them without an end goal in mind. Most of us are actually more than happy to talk to other people, especially on boring long journeys, or when waiting in a long line. Get used to talking to absolutely everybody, male or female, young and old. This should help generate a great deal of positive responses to approaches and help curb some of those negative connections.
11:45
Students to be at the venue in preparation for the boot camp to begin. Instructors will arrive at the meeting place then move everyone to the seminar area.
12:00
During this section each student will get to discuss the previous night. It is your chance to discuss any sticking points from the materials already covered which you may have found during the previous night so they can be dealt with during the day.
Be aware that not all of the topics have yet been covered.
Most areas are due to be covered in depth during the rest of the course as the bulk of information will be taught today.
Skills of a Natural
Story for 1 Minute, Statement-Question, Triangular Gaze/Building Tension
During this section students will get the chance to learn the different ways to address a group of people. This is part of the core characteristics of a natural as it ranges from being the energetic guy at the beginning of an interaction when opening to slowing it down and getting more intimate toward the end of the interaction, or close.
Story for 1 Minute:
The rst section covers the ability to hold the attention of a group. Maintaining a conversation with an entire group comes down to your ability to tell a story that is engaging. Students will be required to give a talk on a randomly given topic for 1 minute.
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Maintaining the entire groups attention will come down to ensuring that you make eye contact with everyone. Speak slowly and clearly being sure to project your voice so that others can hear it. Students should also be careful not to use questions during this section as if they don't get a response it can kill the conversation immediately.
encourage natural conversation with another person in a more one-on-one setting. Basic conversation is not made up of questions and answer but rather statements followed by questions to illicit responses from others. Example of Bad Conversation
What is your name? Where do you live? What do you do? Do you have any pets?
As you can see from the example above, a series of questions isnt a conversation, rather it is an interrogation. Below we will see how responding to what is being said will improve the flow of conversation. Example of Better Conversation
Sarah
Sarah, no way! My best friend growing up was named Sarah. Where are you from? That's awesome! I spent a great deal of time in LA this summer. I love the city, but I didn't get on well with the transport system. Do you like it there?
Los Angeles
Students will be required to sit in their wing groups and practice maintaining conversational topics between themselves. This exercise is an example in listening and responding to what is being said. A conversation isnt a series of questions. While the second conversation still doesnt have the best responses, it still has room to grow and can lead to new topic threads. Triangular Gaze/Building Tension The nal section covers the concept of seductive talking. Before kissing someone most of us have a moment where we can feel the sexual tension that arises just before the kiss. During this time we often nd ourselves triangular gazing. This is where two people will be found looking from one eye to the other eye, down to the lips and then back again. If you begin doing this during conversation you will often nd that the other person begins to reciprocate and it is often the best way to continue conversation before the kiss.
This exercise involves students performing the same conversational task as before, but includes triangular gazing into the conversation to build tension between the two people.
Practical Applications
Pick 3 topics to speak about and time yourself for one minute as you talk out loud to yourself about them. Pick one topic that you know a lot about and are very comfortable with, pick a topic that you think you know nothing about, and pick a topic that you think is likely to come up in conversation while practicing in field.
The next time you are having a casual conversation with someone, whether at the grocery store or out in set, practice making statements and actually responding to what others are saying.
Maintaining eye contact is a very important part of the seduction phase because a lot of sexual energy is transmitted in our physical and nonverbal cues. When speaking to someone practice maintaing strong eye contact. Even if it feels slightly uncomfortable do not break gaze before the other person.
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Self Assessment
Name three ways to maintain a groups interest during mass conversation.
Write a sentence that can be used in response to the following statements during a conversation to build communication and encourage further responses from the girl.
I work for a bank. I live in New York. My mom and I went to Europe last summer. The Chicago Cubs is my favorite baseball team.
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Four Characters
Word Association, Story One Word at a Time, Sit in Silence, Question Master
that give them an edge over others when it comes to dating. Thankfully these skills are very easy to replicate using simple exercises.
Word Association Students take turns associating words with the previous word said. It is important to remember not to umm and err much whilst thinking of what to say next. The word has to associate with the one before it and not any previous answers. This encourages them to be spontaneous about their answers and think on their feet. This exercise helps students be able to associate
something with what they hear. For example, if you are in a conversation with a girl and worry about what to say next, you
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should be able to pick one word out of the sentence or conversation and be able to relate, or associate, it with something more familiar. Sharpening this skill trains you at becoming more responsive in any given situation.
Story One Word at a Time Students will have to tell a story between their group, however, they are only allowed to use one word each. The instructor will start the story with a single word and then the students will take it in turns adding one word at a time in order to create a story. This teaches students to not only think on their feet as they think of the following word but also to remember the rest of the previous conversation in order to ensure their word fits into the story as a whole. This helps teach the importance of paying attention to a conversation and listening to what is being said by everyone. One single word can alter the complete flow and progression of the sentence so it is
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important to have the skill of attentiveness to ensure fluidity with the tale.
Sit in Silence Students will again split into pairs. Each student will take turns being the leader. It will be the leaders role to start a conversation and then encourage the other person to maintain the conversation using as few words as possible. Students are encouraged to use facial expressions and hand gestures to persuade their partner to continue speaking.
This will teach the students the power of sitting in a comfortable silence with often encourages the other person to add more to the conversation. This removes the pressure from the uncomfortable silences and helps them understand the dynamics of a conversation.
Question Master Students stay in their pair and now strike up a discussion with each other using only questions. After a while they should find that the conversation becomes stagnant repeating similar topics. The aim at this point will be to maintain a normal conversation whilst still only speaking in questions to one another. This task encourages them to once again think on their feet using conversation they arent particularly comfortable with. We have found that being forced to respond in only questions is uncomfortable and recreates the feelings and emotions of being lost for words while in set. If these emotions can be conquered and controlled in a familiar setting, then they should be easily managed while out in field.
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Lastly, this is a lesson in frame control. The frame is the set of boundaries that constructs or composes the conversation. Speaking in only questions forces the person to reply with the unintentional restrictions you have set. This tool can be very powerful in set as the conversation will then be in your favor since you have laid the limits.
Self Assessment
Who is at fault if there is an uncomfortable silence in the conversation?
How can you encourage someone to speak if the conversation dries up?
Why is it important to not umm and err in a conversation? What do those words imply?
What is the frame of a conversation? How can you gain control of it?
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Breaking Rapport
If youre looking to find the one thing that will visibly show a difference in your interaction with women, this is it. Up until now the entire interaction has been designed to generate comfort with the other person. It is a situation where youre both comfortable talking to one another without any kind of tension or awkwardness beyond perhaps the initial meeting. What you have done is created a situation where the girl is happy to have you around, though soon enough this will dissipate. It can take anywhere from one minute to 20 minutes for you to create comfort. However, the second you feel that youre in this comfortable zone where youre being engaged in the conversation it is time to Break the Rapport. Rapport is where two people have a connection and are relating to one another. This sounds like the kind of behavior
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we would want to encourage, so why would be go about breaking it? Well, the point is, we have already established that there is a comfortable connection with the girl though she probably has these kinds of interactions dozens of times a day. What we need is to make you stand out from the crowd by making the situation sightly uncomfortable. When we make the situation slightly uncomfortable their natural response will be to try and fix it. After all, people arent used to uncomfortable scenarios and will want to change this. They may start by laughing at the situation to diffuse it and then, depending on how you broke rapport she may continue to do other small actions to repair it be either becoming more involved, or defending herself. Either way, what she is doing is investing. Not in a massive way but in a small way. Of course this first piece of investment is what we will use to generate even more. We are well aware that the more she invests the more she will become attracted to the situation and, naturally, yourself.
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Before we discuss the different method that can be used to break rapport it is important to remember one thing: after any kind of break in rapport it is important for you to build some kind of comfort afterwards, either by joining in with her laughter, telling her youre only joking or complimenting her by telling her that you would like to hear her opinion on the matter. This serves to ensure you dont end up in a negative situation with the girl. There are a number of different ways you can go about breaking rapport ranging from little games you can play to outright disagreeing with her. Some examples are listed below. Disqualification: Saying you like physical attribute or character trait [X] when she has [Y]. Example, say you really like brunettes when speaking to a blonde. Say she would be a really cool friend. Tell her it sucks you had to meet her in a club/bar.
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Physical: Playfully push her away. Turn your back to her. Have your eyes wander away as if you you become lost in thought. Have her do something that makes her look silly without her realizing it until it's to late. Do something childish like point at her shirt and flick her nose when she looks down.
Teasing: Give her a stupid nickname, i.e. blondie, shorty, sparkles, etc.
Disagreement: Say no. After she says she likes something say that you don't (explain why). Have a friendly debate on something. Cancel a plan you made. Tell her she's being rude about something and correct her behavior in some way.
There is a signicant difference between breaking rapport and severing it. Your aim is to only get a bit of tension between the two of you which can be laughed off easily. Insulting her too badly or being rude will only end up completely killing the situation for you both. Keep it lighthearted and fun! If she playfully hits you then you know you have done it correctly.
Practical Applications
Practice the different types of breaking rapport. Experiment a see which yields the best results.
Try opening with a break in rapport and then make note of the interaction and their response. After that try building a good amount of comfort and then break rapport. Make note of the difference between the two.
Experiment with comfort after a break in rapport. Dont rebuild it and see the response you get, then rebuild it and see how the interaction continues.
Self Assessment
What should you build before breaking rapport?
Qualication
Qualification is one of the best ways of displaying higher value and potentially the most important part of the attraction building process, yet it is one of the ones that many almost always fail to use in field.
Imagine meeting Bill Gates. Would he spend all of his time convincing you how great he was? Do you think he would tell you about how cool his new car was and how much his house is worth? No, hed instead be interested in what youre doing. He would be asking you questions about yourself, what you do, your occupation, and want to know your aspirations in life. He is comfortable enough in who he is to not worry about proving himself to you.
People who possess true high value dont bother wasting their time trying to impress you. Instead they are more likely to ask you questions about yourself. Ironically as we answer those questions we often find ourselves falling into the trap of proving ourselves to others. To qualify someone is to get them to prove themselves to you.
The more they prove themselves to you, the more they value your opinion. When youre qualifying someone youre attempting to get them to justify and prove themselves to you. Anytime you find someone doing this you have succeeded. However there are a couple of different ways you can go about prompting them to do so.
Qualification Statements The first method involves using qualification statements. These are statements which come preloaded with a certain type of personality trait or behavior. These traits are typically seen as what people wish to possess. A few examples include friendliness, spontaneity, and being interesting. The
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statement that you make should associate one of those behaviors with an action to prove they have that quality I only like talking to people than can actually hold down conversation. I like the fact that you seem able to do this. Whether they have been holding down the conversation or not is irrelevant. They should now make more of a concerted effort to maintain the conversation in order to live up to the compliment offered as you have made it an exception and a standard.
Thanks so much for that, I cant believe youre so friendly! Its rare to meet someone who is actually nice in this city. You seem like such a sweet person, I had to come over and say hi. Typically youll find that after this the person becomes slightly warmer and more willing to discuss things further.
Qualifying Questions The second form of qualification and the more powerful technique of the two is qualification questions. These are more potent as they require the participation of the other person in question. A qualifying question is typically any question that will encourage the other person to justify themselves to you. Occasionally you will ask a basic question that will prompt a justifying response. In these cases dont look a gift horse in the mouth and continue with the qualification. Please note: The word why is an exceptional tool in order to encourage someone to speak more on a subject and potentially trigger qualifying responses. What do you do for a living? What did you want to do when you were 5? Why did you give up on your ambitions? If you could go anywhere in the world right now where would you go? Why?
Every time someone qualifies themselves to you they are investing into the conversation. Qualifying ourselves to others isnt actually something we do lightly. If someone were to approach you in the street and ask you to impress them by telling them something interesting about yourself you would be likely to either say no or ask why. This is because on a subconscious level we all fear being judged by others. As the aim of this is to get the girl to invest even more it is important that we manage the situation correctly. For this we use a method developed by Psychologist Thorndike back in the 1920s known as Operant Conditioning. Operant conditioning is the given name for a specific type of learning. In summary, it breaks down that one of the principle methods humans use to learn how to interact with the environment is by punishment and reward. We continue to do behavior we are rewarded for and stop doing behavior we are punished for. If we do something and receive a positive reward or reaction from it, we are more likely to do it again.
This is an incredibly important piece of information for us if we want to ensure that we dont give mixed signal to those we interact with. A classic mistake people make is to punish someone for being nice in an attempt at being humorous which unfortunately only serves to teach the person to not repeat the behavior. Operant conditioning works hard in hand with qualification as the means by which we continue to build investment with the other person. Anytime someone youre interacting with qualifies themselves to you be sure to reward them with positive body language and verbal affirmations. If they doesnt qualify themselves to you then you can give a small amount of punishment by moving away or ribbing them for not giving a good enough answer. Be sure that if you do use any form of punishment you must give another way for them to make it up to you or you would be in a negative spiral of emotions where youll both end up
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being mad at each other. The best way to do this is to ensure you give an immediate way for them to qualify themselves again after any kind of punishment.
Tell me something interesting that you did last week. Why should I? Seriously, you didnt do anything at all interesting? Come on, thats terrible! Tell me something that you did over the weekend, Im sure it was more interesting than you think.
I love how friendly you are. You seem to be really independent. You look like the bad girl. I can tell youre very intelligent. Youre the type of girl that always seems up for a fun time.
Practical Applications
Qualification and the different types of questions to ask should really be based on you and what you would like your ideal partner to have.
Make a list and think of at least 10 characteristics or traits that you would like in your future mate.
Once you have those traits written down formulate your own questions that can be used to qualify someone based on if they have those characteristics or not.
When out in field see how much deep rapport can be built by using qualification. Make note of the types of questions that cause that deep rapport.
Self Assessment
Name the two different types of qualification
After punishing someone for non-compliance to a qualification question what must you do straight away?
What chances do you have of generating attraction if you dont use qualifications?
Sexual Escalation
Sexual Escalation comes in a number of different forms. The two ones we will be concerning ourselves with are Verbal and Kinesthetic, or kino. First, lets look at verbal sexual escalation. Essentially youre seeking to arouse the womens sexual interest through the use of words. In short, you are attempting to change the conversation onto the subject of sex. The easiest way to do this is to talk about sex in the third person and have a justified reason to be doing it. You can either talk about a past experience or discuss theoretically what good sex should be like. By keeping it about others, or hypothetical, you leave little chance for them to feel awkward. If you get called out in it, you can simply explain that you were just talking in general. Look at that person, you can see theyre gonna be bad at sex. I dont understand why people put up with bad sex. If Im going to sleep with someone Im going to do my best to make sure were having good sex, by lying her down and gently teasing...
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By doing this we can subtly talk about sex and begin to turn the girl on without making things too uncomfortable. She will get a sense of your sexuality without too intimidated with your forwardness. The other form of sexual escalation is by using Kino, or touch. If youve been kinoing them up to this point you should find it very easy to build up this physical form of sexual escalation. If youve been rewarding their investment from qualification with kino it becomes very easy to turn this into a form of sexual escalation. Initially you should reward qualification with something simple, like a high five. Then you can escalate this reward to a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the forehead, and slowly but surely more and more sexual situations. The more they begin to qualify themselves the more sexual the rewards can become.
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Bare in mind these are gradual increases used each time you qualify the girl. The more she invests the more you reward with an ever escalating sexual touch until things are very hot and heavy between you both. As mentioned earlier in the body language section, your interaction with the girl will not and cannot be growing deeper and escalating without having touch between you.
Practical Applications
Being able to escalate sexually is a skill and, often times, it means being comfortable with yourself and having confidence. Try mentioning sex as early on in the interaction as possible. Gauge their reaction to see how they respond to it.
While in the qualification stage see how far you can take escalation through kino. Be sure to start it off slow and then progress it and use the physical affirmations as your chance to escalate.
Start with a high five, then move on to a hug around the shoulders, then get a full on hug.
Self Assessment
What chances do you have of getting a girl if you dont sexually escalate?
Isolating/K-Close
Once youve managed to build up a healthy amount of sexual tension between yourself and a girl you should be seeking to move things towards some kind of conclusion. If you dont lead this somewhere the entire situation will eventually die out. Obviously what were looking for is to move towards the first kiss. Before this can begin its important to perform isolation. Isolation essentially means moving the girl youre interested in away from any friends either you or her were currently with. Youre trying to move the situation to one where just the two of you can be alone and get more intimate with each other. If you dont do this youre likely to get a lot of
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resistance from the girl as she doesnt want to appear too easy in front of her friends. There are a few different ways you can isolate a girl youre interested in. Whichever you decide to use, the aim is the same: to develop a justified reason to move into a more secluded area. If youve done everything up to this point correctly you should find no problem in attempting to move them however, it never hurts to be prepared with a good explanation for the move.
Did you see the other room at the back of the bar? Come with me, lets go check it out. Oh wow, look at those two guys dancing. We have to see that, lets go get a better look. I cant hear you. Lets go to a quieter area so we can talk better.
All of these and hundreds more would all serve to give a reasonable explanation for why you should move to a different area of the venue. Once you have her in a different area you should be building up the sexual escalation further and making use of the triangular gazing you learnt earlier. Then its time to move for the kiss. The earliest way to do this is to use a technique that doesnt leave you open to being caught out if she isnt ready to go for it herself. One of the easiest methods to do this is to change the sexual escalation from being playing hugs and strokes on her back to being a full hug with a kiss on her forehead. This is then escalated to being kisses on her cheeks, then eventually if you can feel she is moving towards you whenever you kiss on the lips. If you find she isnt ready for the kiss, simply repeat all of the earlier stages and try again. As long as you havent been to obvious about it, you should easily be able to get the kiss.
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Practical Applications
Give two suggestions for isolation!
Example 1:
Example 2:
Practice escalating your kino to go for the kiss. After you have been high fiving and hugging pull her in close. Go for a kiss on the forehead, then a kiss on the cheek, and continue escalating until you get a proper k-close.
Self Assessment
Why do you need to isolate before a close?
The trick to opening is to build some form of connection. Shes likely to be partying with her friends on the dance floor which means that unless you take some kind of serious effort to ensure she keeps dancing once you open her, youre going to be ruining her fun. Remember: Dance, Mirror, Lead
Stand next to a girl and tell her you like her dance moves and begin copying her. Ask her to show you further (comfort). Shes likely to be shy or bashful. Dont be fazed by this. Simply stay next to her trying
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to learn her move. Then show her something and get her to mirror you (break rapport by making it a silly move, and qualify by getting their compliance). At this point you can lead her into dancing together with you. The ability to actually dance isnt important if you can use physical qualification. You can pretty much just stand around keeping rhythm and twirling her and encouraging her to grind on you (sexual escalation). Girls like dancing and they dont expect guys to. They just want to dance for you. Let them!
Secondly, you can encourage a girl who isnt currently up and dancing to stand and dance. This can be used as a way of isolating her, or simply as a fun opener. After all its more fun to be up dancing than sitting around, so youre adding value.
Simply hold out your hand for her to high five you. Once she does hold her hand and stand her up into a spin. From then on you can lead her into a dance on the dance floor. If she is following your moves and complying to your leadership you should be OK to begin sexual escalation and take it from there.
Practical Applications
Dance floor game is something that you should enjoy and have fun with. Try doing silly moves to engage others instead of being serious. Bring back the Cabbage Patch, 70s disco moves, and the sprinkler. See how others react to the fun moves and get involved like that.
All dance floor game does not need to be done at a night club. If youre at a different venue, such as a rock concert, dance floor game can still be applied. Bring out your air guitar and start strumming it casually. Then lock eyes with someone and ask them to join your band. Include their friends by telling them to play the drums, piano, triangle, and whatever other instrument you can come up with.
If all else fails, remember.... Your belt makes a great impromptu limbo bar!
Self Assessment
How crucial is your dancing ability to perform dance floor game?
How can you get involved with a girl who is already dancing?
If a girl is complying to your leadership on the dance floor, where should you take it from there?
Wingman Ship
Your wingman is one of the most important assets you can have when youre out gaming. Firstly, he is going to prove to the room that you arent just some lonely guy out on the prowl. One guy alone is definitely looking to meet someone. If it is two guys together they may just be going to the bar for a drink. Youll never look weird and alone standing by yourself. Secondly, your wing can be a great tool to actually open a set on your behalf. Sometimes opening can be uncomfortable, especially if you really like the girl. Using your wing to open on your behalf makes the whole process easier and then your wing can actually introduce you to the girl with what we call a DHV, or demonstration of higher value, introduction. A DHV introduction is where he says something nice about you. This may be a reference to your job, to an achievement youve had, or even a mention of just how cool a
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guy you are. Either way, it makes the whole process a lot easier for you. Though be sure to return the favour on the next group! When approaching a group of girls and you arent opening for each other you really should be sure to open together. A lot of people feel they get more value by going in one at a time. This is true, providing the person that opens is sure to introduce you correctly. However, in most situations it makes sense to go in at the same time. That way it doesnt look like you ditched your friend to go and talk to some girls. Finally, this is probably the most important thing to remember as outlined in the previous example: never ditch your wing. With all the benefits you gain by being with him, the second you leave they all leave with it. If you out with some of your real friends, you would never leave them high and dry to hang out with other people. The same should apply with your wing.
In the later stages of being with a girl, such as isolation or extraction to a different venue, it is OK to go solo. Just make sure that your wing is not on his own without anyone to speak to. By developing a good connection and friendship with your wing youre going to find the whole process of actually going out and talking to girls to be a lot easier.
Practical Applications
Make sure that you know your wing on a level other than game. While in set together a situation might come up where youre expected to talk about your friendship or how you met. Dont get caught off guard and have pick up be your only commonality!
When going out with your wing practice meeting people and introducing one another. See how you can DHV your wing in the introduction and make note of the persons response to that versus a normal and bland introduction.
Try playing different games with your wing. Have your wing choose someone for you to open and then you choose one for him. See how well you do with someone else choosing your target for the evening.
Self Assessment
What is the purpose of a wing man?
Once you have built deep connection with a girl and are ready to isolate, what should you do to keep your wing man comfortable?
Night Game
Organize Wing Groups
At this point in the Personal Study Course you should plan to go out to a night venue and practice night game. As we have just discussed the importance of wingman ship, you should be sure to have a wing or friend to go out with. This partner should work alongside you in throughout the night. The goal is to work with your partner to help one another achieve results.
Night Game Begins!
Go out in set with your wing groups. The aim here is to practice building social proof, opening and hooking. Once you have comfort established practice breaking rapport and then qualifying. Remember to kino throughout the entire interaction. You are expected to go for number closes! At the end of the night record your progress and write down what you did well, what your sticking points were, and how you can improve for next time.
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Health Health is the most important part when thinking of fashion and style. By health we mean personal maintenance, grooming and hygiene. Your looks will be irrelevant if your hygiene isn't taken care of.
If you don't look after yourself, then expect a girl who doesn't look after herself. Do you want a slightly overweight girl who has stubble under her arms, breath that smells of cigarettes and alcohol, hasn't waxed her mustache recently and generally doesn't look after herself? Well, if you are one of those guys who says you are comfortable with how you dress and shouldn't have to change for some girl then you are going to get a girl who is comfortable with herself. Below are basic guidelines you should follow to ensure that your personal hygiene is up to par. They seem obvious, but really take a look at yourself and think. Do you do every one of these on a regular basis?
Shower every single day! MOISTURIZE!! It will make your skin healthy and smooth, keep you looking young and prevent wrinkles.
Manscape and get rid of excess body hair. That includes chest, legs and, most importantly, pubes. Take care of your teeth. Brush twice a day, every day. If your teeth are stained use white strips. This will help bleach your teeth to a white color, making them more desirable. Work out. It doesn't have to be anything major and there is no need to turn yourself into a professional body builder, but basic workouts are all you need to stay in shape, maintain your body and keep up your energy level. Make sure you have 2 eyebrows. Tweeze the hairs in the middle! If you want them to look extra good (or if they're exceptionally bushy), get them shaped at a salon and then upkeep them yourself by tweezing what grows in.
Style and Fashion People often say, especially in the pick up and seduction community, that looks don't matter. That is not true! There is, however, a difference between being good looking and looking good. It's not bout how physically attractive you are, it's about doing the best with what you have. This is where the personal grooming comes in. You should look your best at all times, but that doesn't mean having to dress to the 9's every single day. Being appropriately dressed is directly related to looking good. Wearing board shorts during the day is fine if you are in a beach town where the dress is casual and laid back. Those same shorts won't be appropriate during winter in London or while at a wedding reception. If you're on this course it is because you are on the quest for self improvement. That means trying to be your best self possible. It is guaranteed that going out wearing a Star Wars t-shirt and sweatpants is not your best self.
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Even if you are not in pick-up mode and just want to run to the store to get something, you should still be prepared and look your best. Women put a lot of time and effort into their appearances even for the little things, so you should too. It goes back to the beginning; if you aren't willing to look your best, then expect a woman who doesn't take care of her appearances either. Fashion is something that comes and goes. It changes every few months and can be hard to keep track of. Your personal style is something that stays with you forever. Instead of worrying about the latest fashion trend, work on your personal style. One of the most common issues with the way guys dress is that they throw things together just because they work. Think back to the past two nights during night game. How many guys were wearing a button-down shirt, graphic tee, jeans, black shoes? Probably 90% of them were. Now out of all those guys, how many stood out?
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The point of this is to help you build a style that is based around your current style. We dont want to drastically change or alter what you already have going on, we just want to sharpen it. You probably wear what you have on now because it is comfortable and you feel good in it. Now lets take that style and build around it to make it unique to you! The best way to form your personal style is to think of what the ideal man looks like. We aren't talking about David Beckham or Justin Timberlake, we are going way back in time to the perfect male body. This is the Vitruvian Man, by Leonardo DaVinci. The Vitruvian Man was made in perfect symmetry and proportion, which is what a perfect body type will have. Your clothing is what shapes your body, and your style can give you that body type.
If you have the pear shaped body where your bottom half is fuller, then add weight to your top and shoulders. This can be done by layering clothing, adding a sweater or cardigan,
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or wrapping a scarf around your neck. Men always look better with layered clothing so don't be afraid to add a few more items to what you wear normally. If you have broad shoulders but your waist is a bit slim, bulk it up with a belt or chunky belt buckle.
There are dozens of different type of styles out there, so dont be conformist! Explore. Think outside the box. Experiment. And dont go out there spending hundreds of dollars at first. Find your personal style and then work on building it. And trying to change your look is a great excuse to talk to women and get their opinion.
Phone/Text Game
Phone game is very similar to standard game except you obviously can't use touch. However, you really want to refrain from using the phone as a rst point of contact when you rst try and contact a girl after a meeting. You're likely to nd you get a much better result from using text messages as they are typically associated with less pressure. Texts dont ask for an immediate response, which makes it easier to get a hold of someone. Someone might be too busy to answer the phone call so you may think that they aren't interested. It then leaves you in a weird situation in terms of whether you should call her back or not. A text message gives you the comfort of knowing your message is resting in her phone ready for her to reply. There is a standard format of text messages that may help you decide what to write.
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The format is as follows: 1. Nickname 2. Give a reference to the last time you were together 3. Give a suggested course of action/body of the text
4. Add a random statement to disguise weight of previous sentence and encourage them to reply.
Nickname Hey Cutie/Pumpkin/Sparkles/Dork Reference to the last time you were together It was so random meeting you last night... The party was crazy, huh? Its always nice to meet girls who are actually interesting. Suggested course of action/Genuine question You know we really should hit that place I spoke of... It's really rare to meet someone as genuine as you... Have you ever been to a daytime nightclub?... Do you ever go out in London?... Random Statement More importantly, are you really as geeky as you look? What's your view on marshmallows? Who would win in a fight between a rabbit and a smurf? You know, there are three amazing qualities that sets someone apart from others, I've seen at least two in you so far. I'm curious as to see if you have the 3rd.
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The last part is incredibly important as it gives them a reason to want to contact you. Most people respond to the last part of any message rst. By keeping this area low value and fun it encourages them to reply to it. From that point on they will read up through the message and respond to each point in turn. Be sure to have some resolution for the text messages.
Within about three to four messages you want to be sure that you have some kind of goal in mind. Either set up a meeting for a rst date, or day 2, or escalate it further to a phone conversation, otherwise the messages will eventually just begin to die out. This text message format is not something you should use for each and every text. It is good as an opening text but once messages are being exchanged you can move on to normal conversation of building comfort and being playful.
Dont focus too much on text rules or regulations that you might have heard. A lot of people think you should wait a certain amount of time before contacting them, or mirroring the
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amount of time it takes for them to contact you. Concerning yourself with that will just defer the conversation and make it awkward. If they send you a message it does not make you needy or weird to respond at your convenience, even if that is within a few moments. Lastly, the big question everyone asks is, how long after our initial meeting should I wait to contact them? Do it right away! After more comfort has been built a phone call should be easier and not considered too invasive or excessive.
Practical Applications
A key to remember with text and phone game is that you shouldnt get stuck waiting for one girl wishing and hoping that they will respond back or return your call. Get an abundance mentality by sending out a mass message to several girls you have number closed. You will nd that most girls will text you back so you wont be waiting around for any single reply.
Practice sending out a random statement or funny question to several numbers at once. Pay attention to the types of responses you get back and see which questions work better than others. Once they have texted you back transition on to normal conversation and continue from there.
Self Assessment
Why, in general, is texting considered easier than calling?
What is our four step format for texting? Give your own examples of each!
Day Twos
Once you get a phone number, what do you do with it? The number is the easy part, knowing what to do with it and progressing to physically going out is the hard part.
The simple trick to working out a good base for a rst date, or day two, is to keep it low pressure. Any situation where there is not a big emphasis on the date aspect is ideal for taking a girl out for a second encounter. We have devised a list of four types of ideal day two locations. These four categories can stem to an endless list of things to do and merely serve as an example guide.
Coffee/Dessert Activity
Lunch Everyone has to eat! The great thing about lunch is that it is on a time constraint. It is something that can only take so long to do and can be a good distraction from the middle of the day. It is a lot less pressure than dinner and doesnt involve as much time, energy, or money. Proposing lunch is the easiest part. Dinner dates usually have to be planned, where most people are free at lunch time. Saying, Hey, whens your lunch break? Lets go grab a bite to eat, can usually work in your favor.
Happy Hour People like to go out for the casual and social drink. Happy hour, like lunch, is something relaxed and not with a lot of pressure. It is also under a time constraint, so we know it wont take forever. You can ask them to bring their friends and make it more of a social gathering, or post-work party.
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Coffee/Dessert Most people admit that they like taking girls to Starbucks as a quick and easy day two. It is great, but can be cliche. How can we twist the ordinary coffee date to be something more?
There are a lot of family owned, nontraditional coffee shops around every city that most people dont go to anymore. A lot of them include small art galleries, live music, open mic nights, alternative option for coffee, crazy avored teas, etc. These types are different and will set you apart as a memorable person.
The basic ice cream date can be fun, but we can also put a spin on that too! Introducing someone to gelato, the Italian version of ice cream, again shows our diversity and ability to go for something different. There are also great chocolate shoppes, fudge stores, and build-your-own sundae stands... you just have to look for them!
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set you apart from the dinner-and-a-movie guy. Keep this rule of thumb in mind: anything that was fun when you were 10 years old is still fun now.
Its true. Guys and girls alike enjoy doing the silly activities that we used to do. Lazer tag, bowling, go karts, mini golf, carnivals, art or music festivals, street fairs, going to the zoo, or kite ying are just a few examples of the endless amount of possibilities out there. Be creative and explore. often times you will discover things to do right in your own city that most people havent bothered to check out.
Doing an activity with someone will help you get a feel for who they are as a person and what types of personality traits they possess. Are they active? Are they up for trying something new? Are they competitive? Will they cheat to win? All of these thoughts that come up can be answered by being interactive with each other.
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Lastly, an activity doesnt have to mean going out of your way to plan something. It can be as simple as doing your grocery shopping, babysitting your niece, or baking cookies. The key is to have something where the two of you can interact in a way that would be difcult to do in a night club or dinner setting.
Practical Applications
When on a day 2 it is important to remember that the tone of the interaction should be set from the beginning. If when you rst meet up all you do is act like good friends then it will be harder to transition the interaction back to attraction.
When meeting up for a day 2 start off as if she were your girlfriend. Give her a kiss to start and then link her arm in yours as you walk. You should notice that you wont be put in the friend zone if you treat them like that.
Dont feel as if you should always have to pay for everything on a day 2. If you are doing an activity and grabbing food feel free to let them pay. A simple line like Ok, you go get the pizza while I get the mini golf or Ill get this round and you can get the next should be sufcient enough to show that you expect them to contribute but that you arent stingy either.
Self Assessment
What is the number one key for taking a girl on a day two?
How can you turn something ordinary, like coffee, into something extraordinary?
Create your own! List four examples of different ideas you can do in your own city or hometown.
Don't give people value before they have earned it. How much credibility would you give to a hobo you met on the street who was disapproving of you? Why does an attractive girl deserve more than him? Her value isn't from an external factor, it's down to the amount of value you give her. The higher you judge her to be the higher she will respond. Many people like being put up on a pedestal. However, from that position she wont want you to ruin the illusion and see her as anything less so she'll refuse to let you get that close to her. The simple answer is that unless someone truly knows you they have no authority to judge you unless you give it to them. Why would you want to talk to a horrible person just because they look good? Learn about someone and then give them value based on how great they are. When you are congruent with this qualification comes naturally. Another way to build confidence is to associate it with music that makes you feel good or that reminds you of a specific moment where you have happy feelings. This will help you get in the mood and build your state to a positive one.
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Self Assessment
What is the only way you will become comfortable with a situation?
What are some good ways that will help you get in to state before going out or while in field?
Importance of Practicing
I spent three months practicing, 7 hours a day, every single day. I still practice for around five hours a day, four days per week. A friend of mine once told me that there was a magic pill to getting good at this. Unfortunately, you have to take it a couple of times a day regularly with water. The simple fact is, the more you practice the better you'll get. Make a plan today of how you'll move forward. Make a decision to go out at least twice a week to do active gaming for a few hours. Active gaming does not mean going out with a few friends and talking about game, it means actually approaching. Then be sure to practice during all spare moments such as on your way to and from work, during lunch, while doing everyday errands, etc. Practicing is the only way to improve. Good luck on your pick up, relationship and dating endeavors and may you find exactly what it is you are looking for.
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