Dear Annie: I’ve become an afterthought to my own children

Dear Annie: I have two grown children who are doing well, both married, and one is expecting my first grandson. I’m a widow; their dad passed away 10 years ago. We all live in different cities, and I speak with my daughter weekly and with my son monthly.

For Christmas, my daughter usually travels, and my son spends it with his wife’s family, leaving me alone. A few years ago, I rented a condo for us to meet, but no one showed up, so I decided not to try that again. They said they were busy with their in-laws.

I’ve continued to send gifts for birthdays and Christmas, but I rarely get acknowledgment unless I follow up. I never receive gifts in return -- just a card from my daughter at Christmas, the same one she sends to everyone.

They’re financially secure, while I live on Social Security and work part-time. Is it OK to stop sending gifts for birthdays and Christmas and just send a thoughtful card instead? -- Feeling Overlooked

Dear Feeling Overlooked: It’s no wonder you’re feeling overlooked -- because, unfortunately, that’s exactly what’s happening. Yes, it’s perfectly fine to stop sending gifts, but the issue isn’t really about the presents. The real concern is the lack of shared experiences and meaningful connection with your children.

Have you considered asking why you’re not included in their family gatherings, such as spending Christmas with your son’s in-laws? Rather than focusing on stopping gift-giving, use this opportunity to have an open and honest conversation with your children. Let them know how much it would mean to you, as their widowed mom, to be included in more family events.

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