Know Your Own Power

The passing of celebrated actor James Earl Jones makes it unavoidable that we'll think about his most famous character, Darth Vader. A character who personified evil and yet managed to endear us with his twilight redemption and sympathetic origin story.

One of the neatly woven story elements of Star Wars is the way its central characters often underestimated the impacts of their actions. Luke's humility prevents him from seeing that his own intuition and will power are far more powerful than he thinks. Which means he has the power to achieve greatness, but also to do terrible things unintentionally.

It got me thinking.

There was an instance when I was a GM that has really stuck with me, and is worth sharing.

During a staff meeting one morning a few years ago, I made an off-hand remark. I was thinking aloud, and wandered into teaching territory. The remark was about the number of pending actions in our safety program. Our safety staff had been identifying improvements faster than they could possibly address them, leading to a growing workload.

I shared with the team my own tendency to open a lot more projects than I close. A long-held tendency of mine which comes from a good place but has more than once led me to dark places.

"It's important to close as much as you open. Otherwise, you can get buried in your own avalanche. If you can't close as fast as you open, then you either need a faster engine or more staff."

I briefly admired the comic potency of the metaphor before moving on to other business. I thought very little about it. Just another moment in another meeting. Another mile marker on the long and winding road of management.

About a week later, my safety manager asked for a meeting out of cycle. Which was unusual, because they would normally just walk in and chat about stuff. The formality made me wonder what was up.

The next day, the safety manager came in and sat down with an abnormally cold and distant affect. No sign of our normal pleasantries, despite my token efforts. No smile. Sparing eye contact.

And they jumped right in. Over the next ten minutes, my safety manager proceeded to give me an unsolicited update on every safety action, how many were closed, which remained open, timelines for closure, and what resources were holding us up.

They justified the priority level of every action. They showed me the workload of every member of their team.

Then asked for feedback on how they were doing, and what I'd like to see done differently.

It was clear to me a mountain of work had gone into preparing for this unsolicited meeting. Which made it immediately clear that something had set off this person's insecurities.

Since I hadn't intended to do so and couldn't place what had catalyzed this engagement, I asked this individual to help enlighten me.

"This is really good work, and it's crystal clear. It's obvious to me we're on track. But although this is impressive, I was already confident about the department. I have to ask what brought this about?"

The answer surprised me.

"Your words last week hit hard. We need to be better organized."

Wow.

It took a few more minutes of discussion for me to remember what I had said and to grasp why it mattered.

While the words I had spoken ended up having a constructive impact on the competence of the safety function, it was not an impact I had intended.

And more importantly, I hadn't intended the psychic oppression borne by the safety manager as a result of my words. This person felt targeted. And their reaction was to obsess over a brief and benign comment until it felt massive and heavy. Like they were walking around dragging chained ballast behind them.

It was undeserved and served no good purpose.

And yet, probably we've all been there. We've all had a boss say something that felt like a punch in the belly. We've all walked around carrying those words, unable to set them down. This of course happens in all zones of life, but can feel especially oppressive when it comes from a powerful figure we admire, and who we work hard to impress with our results.

It was a chance to re-learning something I've known for a long time but still occasionally get wrong.

As a leader, you have an opportunity to absolutely ruin someone's day with your words.

What you say will stick with them. Bounce around in their heads. Become the subject of forensic re-examination and endless playback until they convince themselves of any number of alternative realities.

Your intent doesn't matter. You don't have to be trying to ruin someone's day. You need only be mildly negligent or casually careless with your choice of words, timing, or non-verbal expression.

Indeed, the more humble you are, the more likely you are to get yourself in trouble in this particular way. Because you don't see yourself as a powerful figure. You see yourself as a masquerading knuckle-dragger lucky to have your role in the first place and clawing with every ounce of yourself to excel at it.

But others attach esteem and status to you that you don't feel. This mismatch in self-concept can lead you to underestimate the power of your words. Just as I did with my throwaway remark likening administrative overload to a self-induced avalanche.

I don't suggest walking on eggshells. But I do suggest the following.

1️⃣ Build enough of a rapport with people that they know your intent from your words, can read your sense of humor, and don't misunderstand you. The more you know them and the more they know you, the less chance you stand of being misunderstood.

2️⃣ Communicate clearly. Off-hand comments, digressions, jokes, and teaching moments are OK and even essential. But make sure you signpost. Disclaim. Footnote enough that you don't unintentionally castigate someone.

3️⃣ Never stop reading the room. Even when it's a team you know well, it's possible to relax your sensors and miss a cue. Indeed, I undoubtedly missed many cues in the days following the meeting, when the behavior of my safety manager will have shifted. This is something I should have noticed and acted upon, which could have curtailed the pain of the situation.

Leadership is about people, and therefore about communication. This is the trickiest field of human endeavor. You will get things wrong. But the extent to which you can limit unintentional misfires will determine how much time and energy you have to add value and support your team constructively. It will also have a lot to say about the morale and wellbeing of your team.

Create only the effects you seek to create. Be as precise in your communications as you expect your people to be in their comprehension and reaction.

Most of all, never underestimate the power of your words, or the length of your shadow. Everything you say and do hits harder and means more than probably think.

TC is an independent writer with interest and expertise in organizational leadership. His experience includes three decades leading people, including senior roles in both military and private organizations.

You can find TC's writings at The Radar, where you can subscribe for free and get updates direct to your inbox.