Adam Grant’s Post

The best thing is NO boss!

As many have said - this is a nuanced issue. I wholeheartedly support flexibility and balance. What I struggle with is broad statements about bad managers. Not every manager is bad if they can’t provide flexibility all the time. Sometimes they may require their team to demonstrate flexibility for something urgent, and work may need to come first. I think broad statements that bucket leaders as ‘bad’ can send a message that it is all on the leader, the employee has no responsibility in the work relationship. Should we also have statement about “Bad Employees” who don’t respect flexibility both ways, who want time off for personal balance, but when a leader asks for some extra effort or time to meet a deadline, it is not reciprocated etc. This is something I have pondered for a while. Maybe because posts are inundated with what leaders should and should not do. I worry about the expectations we are setting that leaders have to be perfect. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t condone bad behaviours, I believe in flexibility, and we should have great leaders. Are we unintentionally creating unrealistic expectations for leaders to live up to? Should we have more posts on how employees can contribute to help their leaders be great?

While promoting a culture in which employees can tend to their personal lives is important, workplaces should not take it upon themselves to manage employees outside of work—whether they have families or not. Remember,employees are adults and are 100% capable of deciding what is best for themselves and their families without fear of employer intimidation. “Forbidding” employees from missing family events is a slippery slope.

For the first decade and half of my career, I assumed being a workaholic was a norm, prioritizing work before family got you ahead, and wore those sacrifices as a badge of honor. The pandemic has enabled me and others to adopt a more balanced and sustainable approach. While I still spend numerous weekends and holidays traveling for work to far away places, I feel unapologetic for prioritizing and balancing my family over work, when needed. Perspective: In my old age, I won’t think back and feel awful about missing a work meeting, but I will surely remember missing important family events.

One problem is that those "bad bosses" are the ones who are rewarded/promoted. Rare is the case where a "good boss" (by your astute definition) is promoted high enough to make a broad impact. I've worked for those good bosses, usually only for a short time as they are removed from "first-line" mgmt roles when they're passed on by higher mgmt that promotes the "bad bosses" (who deliver short-term results from their teams) into higher positions.

While I agree that family comes first and always encourage employees to put their families ahead of work. Saying that a good boss "forbids" missing an important family event is authoritarian and paternalistic. As a boss you can set an example, make it clear that putting loved ones ahead of work is encouraged, and demonstrate that making decisions to put family first is not going to hold them back for raises, promotions, and bonuses (this is the one most will fail to do) , but "forbidding" is an authoritarian move and there is no place for it. Employees are adults and can make decisions for themselves.

Health and family should always take precedence over work—no doubt about it. However, perspective is crucial. When you’re in charge, the weight of everything falls on your shoulders. You're the first and last line of defense, and ultimately, everything is your responsibility. Your passion and dedication to your work will naturally surpass that of your employees, so it’s unreasonable to expect them to prioritize your dream over their family or health. Your role is to ensure your employees feel supported and aren’t burned out. A burned-out employee's ROI is net negative. If you see someone putting in extra hours for a big account, be grateful that they care about your bottom line when they don’t have to. It’s your responsibility to advise them that it can wait until the next day. I don’t force them to stop but always give them the option to resume the next day if they don’t want to work after hours. Nothing will come crashing down. Never put your employees in a position where they have to choose between their job and their health or family life.

And who is going to do the work that must be done while everyone is prioritizing everything else? The boss? The boss's boss? CEO? The point is to have a productive balance, and the right people. Work comes in waves. Thats how it needs to be managed. And when the success of the business is on the line, as one coach famously said (in a great movie) "the winners want the ball". Do with it what you may.

I've been leading people for 20 years, and I'm always clear with my priorities. Family, Health, Work - in that order. The only thing I'll sacrifice my Health for is my family. It's pretty simple. If my people are stressed about a family issue or suffering health wise, they won't bring their best selves to work. And that's what I need - their best.

Great bosses or leaders who walk the talk. They should lead by example and demonstrate that family or loved ones are the most important, while being efficient on the job as well. These leaders share the trick of switch or the balancing act and are always ready to give a helping hand. Rare to find such selfless people. By doing so they become people friendly humans and not very well liked by the higher managements of the organisation. This is a tougher route! The business houses in general encourage the bosses who get the best return for their Human Resource investment-while doing this they become ruthless and earn ‘bad bosses’ title, but they grow in wealth and position - not in the stature as a ‘tall leader’. However we find more people opting for this option!!