‘My Spy the Eternal City’ Review: Dave Bautista and Chloe Coleman Discover the Real Enemy Is a Shoddy Sequel
If most sequels tend to feel like hastily rewritten versions of the original, why can’t the same rules apply to reviews of said sequels? In preparation for viewing and critiquing Peter Segal’s “My Spy the Eternal City,” this critic returned to her own review of the first film, the spring 2020 streaming hit “My Spy.” Within that review: a number of ideas, thoughts, and opinions that could easily transfer over to this first sequel, with minimal edits.
For instance, in “My Spy,” star Dave “Bautista and a genuinely cute kid co-star can’t enliven this predictable and humorless entry into a micro-genre long due for a refresher.” Still true. Co-star Chloe Coleman and “Bautista are wonderful together — appealing, warm, and well-matched — but ‘My Spy’ just can’t capitalize on that chemistry. (Give these two another shot at the beefy-guy-cute-kid dynamic, they deserve it.)” We did ask for it. The plot? The “only clear plot points being the ones already done to death by other films of its ilk” and “the only thing that ever surprises is its ability to cut short good gags and smart character development.”
And, perhaps most problematic of all, “perhaps the failures of ‘My Spy’ can be blamed on the unholy marriage of director (Segal hasn’t had a hit in a while, but he’s still got a slew of comedic winners under his belt, including ‘Tommy Boy’ and the third ‘Naked Gun’ installment) and screenplay (the Hoeber brothers are best known for adult action films like ‘Battleship’ and ‘RED’), as both sensibilities are tamped down at every turn. Saddled with a baffling PG-13 rating, the film’s violence is muted, but a decision was made to throw in frequent profanity.” Well, if it ain’t broke?
That the brass at Prime Video and STXfilms would want to make another film in the “My Spy” universe isn’t at all surprising. The first film, despite middling reviews and a punted-around release date, was a hit on streaming during the earliest days of the COVID-19 pandemic, a family-centric offering that everyone could watch together (if not necessarily enjoy together). Bautista is a highly appealing onscreen presence. Coleman is clearly a rising star. When they’re having fun together — something in major short supply in “The Eternal City” — it is genuinely quite delightful to watch. The only problem? None of that is appropriately capitalized on in this follow-up feature.
Not that we’re not somewhat sympathetic to a few of the outside forces that have conspired to make “The Eternal City” a bit of a tougher sell than its predecessor. Top of mind: This is no longer a cute kid and tough guy feature, as in the time between films, Coleman has turned into a full-fledged teenager (she is now 15). The plucky, too-smart kiddo going up a big-bad-spy-man thing that served as the central gag of the first film simply doesn’t work anymore, and thus Segal and co-writers Erich and Jon Hoeber have done their best to preserve the dynamic against the march of time.
The result: flip-flopped characters, dynamics, personalities, desires, and motivations. In “The Eternal City,” Bautista’s JJ is now a cuddly, cooking-obsessed husband and stepdad who has removed himself from active CIA fieldwork (he’s basically a tech now, a computer jockey like his returning sidekick, played by Kristen Schaal). Coleman’s Sophie is still training to be a CIA agent one day, but she’s got other stuff going on, too, like her school’s well-regarded show choir and a massive crush on smoothie classmate Ryan (Billy Barratt). And, well, she’s a teenager. She’s not very nice. She’s certainly not very nice to JJ, a man she used to revere and who she now delights in reminding that he’s “not her real dad.” Kids! Cute, right?
Through a series of bafflingly convoluted machinations, JJ, Sophie, Ryan, best pal Collin (Taeho K), and the rest of the show choir are shipped off to Italy to sing for the G7 Summit, which is taking place in Rome and with the Pope in attendance as an added sweetener. Frankly, it’s hard to imagine this sort of thing is at all appealing to teenagers, but it’s definitely appealing to psychotic terrorists who hope to hold the entire affair hostage, by way of some “suitcase nukes” they’ve discovered hidden around the globe, care of the ol’ USSR. You can see where this is going.
As JJ tries to win back Chloe’s affection, evildoers of all stripes close in (from Anna Faris as a terrifyingly rigid school administrator to Flula Borg bringing some pep to a real central casting take on “baddie”). JJ’s boss (and Collin’s dad) David Kim (returning star Ken Jeong) pops up, as does Schaal in a disappointingly sanded-down version of her wacky sidekick from the first film. Everyone is so tepid in their parts that the film can’t even conjure up much of a sense of “yay, look who’s back!” even when those returning stars are comedic stand-outs like Jeong and Schaal.
“Eternal City” does improve on the series’ action, and many of the sequences — including a well-executed car chase in the final act — are well-made and exciting to watch, even on the small screen. But there’s just something retrograde about the entire thing, a copy of a copy, a “new” story with some very light edits to the “old” one, that bogs down even the lightest touches of merriment. The stuff that was good before is still good — Bautista, Coleman, some James Bond Lite spycraft — but much of that has been left at the mercy of the growling franchise maw.
We’ll ask again, and we’ll still mean it: Give these two another shot at the beefy-guy-cute-kid dynamic because they deserve it. This, however, ain’t it.
Grade: C-
“My Spy the Eternal City” starts streaming on Prime Video on Thursday, July 18.
