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Reviews
The Instructor (1981)
awful and barely coherent
A short, pudgy "karate" expert refuses to get revenge on those that killed his wife but has a serious rivalry with another school run by a total jerk. Meanwhile a weirdo wants a trophy and nearly kills a karate guy, there's a chase, and a fight, then a total fart of an ending.
Yikes, what a terrible movie. It's that certain kind of terrible that you have to see. Deluded people, bad acting, horrid fight scenes, nonsensical plot, meandering scenes, it's all here. Definitely a bad movie night movie, but it's truly inept in all ways otherwise. Not sure if I suggest actually buying the bluray or DVD, but watch it once for sure.
Tokyo Pop (1988)
Cute story of love and music
A woman goes to Japan and ends up joining a band with a man she stars dating. They inadvertently become famous singing Do you believe in Magic and he falls in love with her. But she realizes that she doesn't belong and has to decide her fate.
This is a great look at late 80s Japan with loads of scenery and culture BUT it's also a cute little rom-com (ish) about music and following your own path. In a way it's similar to Lost in Translation (but obviously pre-dating that) in tone, but has a more bittersweet vibe. DEfinitely an overlooked movie that deserves more attention as it's cute and lighthearted.
The Neverending Story (1984)
Solid kids fantasy
A movie that manages to duplicate the thrill of reading.
A bullied kid takes a mysterious book and hides in the school attic. As he reads, the story happens. A nothingness is destroying the world of fantasia and a boy Atreyu has to travel to find a cure for the empress.
Things get a little meta, but the message is parcelled out for kids. The keys that make the movie work are the creatures and setting, always seeming just real but odd enough to work. Every kid growing up in the 80s loved Falcor and got disturbed by the horse dying and even now, 40 years later, it can still work that magic if you let it.
Clerks III (2022)
Horrible horrible horrible
The now 50 year old Clerks from the previous two movies decide to make a movie about their lives when Randal nearly dies of a heart attack. From there you get endless joke recycling and a totally unearned attempt at a heartfelt ending.
This movie was awful. Kevin Smith has been going downhill for a LONG time but this was a sad attempt at trying to salvage his career. It's poorly shot, edited, acted, full of endless circle jerking and is so far up his butt that it's impressive there's even any more room inside. It's a constant winking to the audience, member berries, TERRIBLE acting and a laughable attempt and maudlin bittersweet feelings that is almost pathetic if it hadn't come from Smith's own near death experience.
Avoid this movie, it's brutally bad,
Mikey and Nicky (1976)
Not the lost classic some say
Mikey and Nicky, two small time mob guys wander around town while a hitman chases Nicky (sort of). They bicker and yabber endlessly the whole time.
I'd wanted to see this for a long time. It's called some kind of misunderstood classic, lost work of genius, etc. I'm sad to say it's not. There's not really enough here for the running time and what is here is barely interesting. Lots of talking and improvising (despite what May says, I don't buy that this wasn't, in parts, largely improvised. There are too many nonsensical bits to be anything other than spur of the moment choices). Also, it's shockingly poorly edited, with loads of continuity errors, off camera dialogue to on camera closed mouths, poorly framed shots, out of focus inserts, freeze frames on details they forgot to cover, and even reused reactions. It's obvious that there was way too much film shot, no focus, and bad construction.
This is not some fabled hidden gem, but it's not a total waste. There are a couple of okay scenes and the bookend shots work nicely. Solid Meh.
Scott Pilgrim Takes Off (2023)
Incredibly disappointing
Hey, did you like the Scott Pilgrim comic, movie, or video game? If so, then here's a show that is NONE of those things. Now that doesn't mean it's bad, but you should know it's not Scott Pilgrim. It's a show about Ramona searching for him despite having ZERO reason to. They went on one date, not exactly searching for your lost love material.
Mostly this show is just a remixed version, taking some scenes or characters and messing with them in an attempt to focus on different people for longer periods of time. It's alternate backstory and motivations for people that weren't present in the other versions. Also, the people that had lots of focus in the other versions get the shaft here.
I guess I don't know who this is really for because you have to know the original version to know what's going on here, but it's so different that you will probably be annoyed.
The voice acting is pretty bad, especially Ramona who sounds like she's asleep the whole time BUT the art is tremendous. The last episode is okay I guess, but the endless meta stuff is lame as F.
Overall a crushingly bad adaptation and a so-so remix (but who wanted a remix?)
BLEH.
299 Queen Street West (2023)
Well done... mostly
A great look at the history and era of MuchMusic with lots of clips and memories from the VJ's (many of them, a few big exceptions... Ed the Sock, Rachel Perry, Bradford Howe, etc)
Lots of looks at bands in their infancy and coming back later, lots of performance clips, lots of talk about how important the channel was.
BUT
I felt like it vastly overstated the presence of rap and hip hop and completely ignored the Can-Rock boom of the 90's. So many bands in Canada were made by the station in that time (Our Lady Peace, I Mother Earth, Tea Party, Watchmen, Headstones, Sloan, Age of Electric, etc.) that were never brought up or shown. A couple of brief Tragically Hip clips don't make up for something that was so big and more importantly, CANADIAN. It was example prime of how the station mattered to the country. Also, no mention of the two Coast music scene shows, and very little about metal.
I totally understand that you can't fit it all in or be all things to all people, but the Can-Rock snub was glaring.
Otherwise a very fun and worth watching doc!
Hellcat's Revenge (2017)
It tries, but....
A woman investigates the murders of her biker gal pals and faces up to another gang who wants her dead.
Oh man, I want to give Len Kabasinki all the credit in the world for making this at all, but it was just... not good.
The breakdown:
-sound effects had no meat to them and therefore all of the (iffy choreography aside) fight scenes seemed way worse and amateurish than they should have
-acting was about adult movie level, with most of the "biker girls" coming across more like washed up strippers. Pretty sure a few were. But they were trying... they were just completely unable to play the parts they were given.
-plot was just go here, talk to that guy, go here, talk to that guy again, rinse repeat. No dramatic momentum or reason to care.
-everything was way too clean for a seedy underworld
-The recurring use of Len's house and garage (presumably) that show up in all his movies. Here its pretty obvious because they are way too middle class for this world
-phony guns
-poor background noise level makes a lot of scenes feel way too empty
But hey, Len made a movie and deserves props for all that hard work. One day he'll get it! Keep it up Len!
Bruce Lee: The Legend (1984)
Truly a terrible cash grab
A look at Bruce Lee focused entirely on his movies full of stock footage, a few behind the scenes clips, and lots of completely unrelated footage from other movies! A few talking heads with hong kong actresses that come across staged, tasteless footage from the funeral, including of the corpse! And a narrator that almost ruins it.
It's a thinly veiled cash grab from Golden Harvest, even going so far as to hype up Game of Death as the ultimate Bruce Lee movie that they saved.
Overall this is a waste of time for any Lee scholars or fans BUT at the time it would have been one of the only ways to still see the clips since home video was still so new. Apart from that, it's garbage. Like Water was better.
Out of the Fog (1941)
Preachy as heck.
A small time racketeer forces two old fishermen into paying him protection money on their crummy rowboat, then starts to date one's daughter (Lupino). He demands more and more until the realize they can't keep giving in so make a plan to kill him. Whoops he drowns accidentally so maybe all is saved?
This is a very typical "morality" type of story from the New York stage. Anti-capitalist, anti-fascist, and full of dialogue decrying the state of the "simple folk." It's all a little preachy honestly and the ending completely ruins the concept of fighting back against fascism with a cop out answer (imposed by the production code).
Overall, okay, but nothing amazing.
Frankenstein (1931)
Classic Universal horror!
A man is convinced he can raise the dead with science and does so, but he inadvertently takes a "criminal" brain and the monster is a bit of an insane thing. It runs amuck, kills a few people, then is chased down by an angry mob.
Lots of famous stuff here, from the amazing makeup, to the It's Alive! Stuff but what gets forgotten is that a bunch of the rest is dull as dishwater pseudo comedy with Baron Frankenstein being a boob, wedding planning, and people worrying. It's a drag on an otherwise great film, even if it;'s a terrible adaptation of the book by Mary Shelley from the eighteen hundreds.
Video Diary of a Lost Girl (2012)
Great visuals
A "Lillin" has to sleep with a man every month or she dies but kills the man after she sleeps with him so when she meets a dorky dude she actually likes, she doesn't want to kill him and tries to keep him at arms length. He might also be the reincarnation of the first guy she killed.
Overall this movie wins on its visuals, with lots of creative CD ROM game style looks and a solid sense of color. The acting can be a tad lacking and the lead guy is just so annoying that you can't see what she'd see in him, but there's always something neat to see apart from that. Maybe one too many inserts of public domain movie footage but overall a well made and different little movie.
Le procès (1962)
Visually amazing.
A man wakes up to find he's accused of a crime. What crime? Who knows. He has to go meet judges, advocates, painters, weirdos, and oddballs in his search for the "law" and a way out.
This movie, while maybe not narratively clean (it's more like a nightmare of illogic) is fantastically inventive and amazing visually. There's a million creative shots and brilliant set ups and camera moves. Truly something else to see. A shame there's a few sync issues, but overall, once you get into the dream like logic of the movie and forget the idea of it "making sense" then you can really get into this tremendous adaptation.
Blonde Crazy (1931)
Decent con artist yarn
A bellhop who runs scams meets a blonde with gams to kill for and they run a con to fleece a man out of five grand. Then they go to the big city and get fleeced by real pros. Distraught, Cagney runs another con to replace the money and vows revenge. They pursue those that fleeced them and fleece them even harder. But wait, Blondell marries someone else and Cagney travels the world. He gets bored, comes home and Blondell reveals her husband's an embezzler so Cagney needs to save the family. One more fleecing leaves him in jail.
The only real reason to see this is the bundle of fire Cagney and the babelicious Blondell as a cute couple. It's kind of flat in its direction and all over the place tonally with an ending that's a big head scratcher. Overall okay, but nothing amazing.
The Devastator (1986)
Pretty bland
A vietnam vet searches for what happened to his old buddy and investigates a town controlled by pot growers. He's attacked and fakes his own death so he can recruit a team of commandoes to take down the bad guys with lots of firepower.
The wooden and lame lead has no charisma but it wouldn't matter who you had in this bland movie with perfunctory everything. Endless streams of bad guys rush the heroes and get shot. Grenades thrown, tiny explosions, rinse repeat. Just about the only bright spot is Ox, who's insane and his introduction is hilariously terrible. Street fighting an old man in his underwear, he gets caught cheating, runs away while his pants fall down and he says "you really saved my a$$ there" with a bare butt sticking out a window. If that's the best part of the movie, you know you're not getting anything great.
Repeat Performance (1947)
Okay but occasionally cartoonish
A woman shoots her husband and gets the chance to relive the year that let up to it again. She tries to do everything differently but then things go badly and she has to face up to the fact that fate may not be willing to change.
This movie had an interesting premise but was ultimately undone by having the husband be so cartoonishly awful that there is no reason why the lead would ever want to stay with him. His drunken slurring and stumbling around is over the top, but it's his being a total jerk that leaves you unable to sympathize with her desire keep him alive. It's never totally said if he was as bad as that before, but you pretty much have to assume he was...
Cruising (1980)
Lots to like, occasionally icky
An undercover cop is sent to infiltrate the S&M gay community but the weird subculture starts to get to him the more time he spends there. A killer is targeting people and he has to find the man before more die. He wants out, but finally manages to accept his gig but is forever changed.
This movie can be a tough watch at times. Today you see an entire community that would have been decimated from AIDS only a few years later, but also it can just be gross. That said it's a super effective slasher / detective move with an extreme focus on reality and (for the time) accuracy in its presentation of what most people would have had no idea of.
Some people can't take how ambiguous it is, but that's partly why it works. You don't really know just what went on. How far did Pacino go? Did he start to like it? It's up to you and that may affect your final opinion. But it's well made and holds up, even if it can be icky in places.
Buy & Cell (1988)
BAD with a capitol B
A naive stockbroker is set up to take the fall for another crooked one and gets sent to prison. From there he starts a business with the cons money and miraculously makes so much that they turn the prison into a luxury condo only to have the warden get wind and want in.
The only way to look at this movie is if it's a sequel to Revenge of the Nerds where Louis meets Jones before he becomes a cop in Police Academy. At least that way you have two way better movies in mind because this is BAD. It's not funny at all. The guy doing impressions is so lame and having sound effects guy running wild isn't better. Roddy Piper seems confused and McDowell looks like he doesn't give a crap. Overall a BAD movie.
The True Adventures of Raoul Walsh (2014)
Good primer.
A look at the life and movies or Raoul Walsh as told in his autobiography. It's a good way to get a sense of what he did, who he was, why he was important, and maybe some of the movies he made that you'd like to watch. It's hardly complete or exhaustive, but as something that lasts ninety minutes, you could do a lot worse. An interesting guy from a time when interesting people went into movies and made interesting movies. You'll probably gain an appreciation for either who he was, what he made, or what he did. Either way, just watch it because reading about why you should watch it isn't as interesting.
Only God Forgives (2013)
Slow and too simple.
A man working for a drug dealing / Thai boxing promoting family sits motionless while a dangerous cop kills off his people. He finally stands up but things don't go well for him.
This is nowhere near as good as Driver and follows the same basic pattern and ground. Gosling is almost like a statue for most of the movie and it drags the whole thing down even more than the lethargic pace and long shots of neon lights. Yeah parts of it look nice but so little happens that you'll be checking your watch. Brief flashes of something don't make up for long stretches of tedium. Stick to Driver, you'll thank yourself in the end.
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)
It's good but NO ENDING?
Miles Morales gets caught up in the multiverse trying to figure out what's going on with the Spot, Gwen Stacey, and issues with the fabric of reality. Lots of other spider-men appear.
This is a very vibrant and colourful movie with lots of interesting visuals and a never evening stream of little effects and new variations on the Spider-man character. It's not really all that different from the previous movie, but it's always got new things to see and unique new characters. The only problem is that THERE IS NO ENDING. Seriously it gets up to the end of Act 2 and then just drops a TO BE CONTINUED. WTF. Can't anyone make a 90 minute movie any more? NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE A GIANT SERIES.
Huge let down at the end. Even the kids hated that. But up till then it was a fun time.
Hausu (1977)
Madness!
Schoolgirls go to a house in the country and are devoured by a ghost in increasingly insane ways.
This movie is nuts. I first saw it years ago on a poorly mastered DVD and it blew everyone's mind, but now that there is a criterion Blu Ray you can see it much clearer and in high def. The effects are a mishmash of everything possible and ever done up to that point in movies or commercials. Bonkos stuff that will leave your jaw dropping multiple times. You'll never know what's next and this is the best kind of movie. Yeah the story is simple but any movie that has a guy being transformed into a pile of bananas is a-ok by me!
Irezumi (1966)
Spider tattoo makes a woman go bad.
A woman is kidnapped and drugged, then covered in a huge spider tattoo that may or may not have taken over her soul and turned her into a killer. She gets revenge on those that wronged her by becoming a geisha and causing their deaths.
A slow moving revenge movie centred around a geisha using her charms to manipulate men and killing them off. It's not really that much of a horror movie as the supernatural side isn't played up, even though it's hinted at. It's more of a samurai movie that happens to focus on the geisha and brief outbursts of violence that take the lives of others. It's interesting but not an amazing movie or anything.
Kutabare akutô-domo: Tantei jimusho 23 (1963)
Better title than movie.
A detective goes undercover with the yakuza in an effort to expose their criminal ring. He's got a crew with him but is found out pretty fast. He has to think on his feet to stay alive and catch the bad guys.
Jo Shishido and his giant chipmunk cheeks swaggers through this movie, and even gets to sing and dance, but the story itself is pretty slight and the action is a little bland. It's was obviously meant to start a series but didn't pan out. It's certainly not terrible but it is a little on the meh side. If you love yakuza movies on the lighter side or have to see every Shishido movie then you'll probably dig it, otherwise it's a skipper.
Rio Bravo (1959)
Classic western!
A sheriff arrests a murderer and has to hold him in jail while his brother and cronies try to break him out. He's helped by a lame old man and a youngster with a quick draw and falls in love with a woman on the run.
This is an expertly put together if simple story with classic characters and clearly defined roles. Bad guys want something, good guys want to stop them. That's it. But it works even though it's almost 2.5 hours. Dean Martin plays a great drunk and even though Ricky Nelson seems like a fish out of water, he holds up. But this is really John Wayne's movie and he holds it all up on his ample shoulders. You don't even care about the age difference in the romance between him and Angie Dickenson. The only thing that grows tiresome is Walter Brennan, but you can overlook his goofiness when the movie itself is so great.