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Reviews
The Little Mermaid (2023)
Very bad
I don't even know where to start here, as I really didn't like almost anything about this version of The Little Mermaid and I don't even understand why Disney is doing this to their most beloved classics, besides the obvious money grab. I would blame Rob Marshall for this misfire, but having watched all his previous movies and other similar remakes I think the director has very little say in a project like this and both Jon Favreau and Bill Condon before him show that very talented and proven directors can allow this to happen and produce such horrible looking movies. The production design has been atrocious in the last couple of remakes and this is no exception. Again, proven Oscar winners like Colleen Atwood are responsible for some of the worst costumes on a big budget movie that I can remember, and whoever designed Sebastian and Flounder should be fired and never be allowed to work again. And the less we talk about the Scuttle rap the better... There's very little to praise here, I mean, at least the actors can sing, I guess? Melissa McCarthy seemed to be having fun, shrugs? Clearly not enough for me to recommend it.
Scream VI (2023)
More of the same
I'm a big fan of the first Scream movie, but everything after that one is a bit silly and repetitive. Everyone lauded Scream V as a great return to form but I was extremely disappointed with it, so it was with a bit of trepidation that I watched part VI, Ghostface does Manhattan, or so I thought. It had a decent trailer with the subway scene and the change of scenery might be for the better, but, I'm afraid to say, I thought it was as good (or as bad) as the last entry. It has some of its qualities, with some nice and tense set pieces and some gruesome kills, and I really liked the traditional first kill, but it really doesn't add anything new to the franchise that's becoming more and more like a Scooby Doo parody than a respected Horror series. Like most entertainment these days it's becoming very forgettable and disposable, as you see this movie and go on to the next Conjuring or Saw, without thinking a lot about what you just saw. Maybe I'm being a bit too harsh, and I think I actually enjoyed it a bit more than part V, but that's very little praise for such an iconic franchise. I also found it funny that, just like Jason previously, they take very little advantage from the NYC setting, with only the subway scene as a highlight (or trailer bait, I guess), while the rest of the movie is spent on apartments and abandoned theatres. At least it wasn't shot in Vancouver (I think).
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
Just incredible
I've talked about this before, how expectations can mold your appreciation of a movie, so let me tell you what my mindset was coming into this one. I liked the first Guardians, although not as much as everyone else as I think Ronan is such a forgettable villain. I really didn't like the second one and thought it was a huge step down from the first one, it felt rushed and had another very weak villain. Marvel was coming off of a terrible string of movies and I even didn't like the Guardians Christmas special. I was still a fan of James Gunn though, and loved his Suicide Squad so there was that to look forward to. So, to say I wasn't expecting to like this one as much as I did is the understatement of the year. Another thing I wanted to talk about after watching this movie, was the much talked about superhero fatigue. When people mention it I think they tend to dismiss or forget that two incredible superhero movies came out this year alone (the other one being the Spiderverse movie, of course), so it just proves that if well written and well executed a superhero movie can still be really good, what people are tired is the terrible writing and lack of originality that populates most superhero movies released nowadays. Anyway, with all that out of the way, let me tell you just how much I loved this movie. It is incredibly well written, interweaving character development, emotional set pieces, comedy and action like it's nothing, with the highlight for me being the characters which are the heart of this thing. I mean, Star-Lord, Rocket, Gamora, Nebula, Drax, Mantis, Groot, even all the supporting characters like Cosmo, Kraglin or Adam Warlock, they're all so likable that you can probably ask ten different persons which one is their favorite, and you might get ten different answers. That's a testament of how good they all are! Execution wise, this is a beautiful movie, very well directed and the VFX for a change are actually good and serve to enhance the story. My only nitpick might be the villain that, although good conceptually and probably the best of this trilogy, is not as memorable as everything else, something that seems to plague all Gunn movies. Anyway, I really, really liked this movie and it is easily in my top five MCU movies. Highly recommended.
Turning Red (2022)
Huge miss!
Finally a Pixar movie I actively disliked. Not even Cars 2 had this effect on me. It was a chore to get through this as I was always turning red with rage at the screen (see what I did there?). I actually liked the style and, as always, the animation is flawless, but it all comes down to the writing, and we have to suffer through the most obnoxious girl ever, along with the worst mother of all time, acting like insane people for most of the movie just for the sake of comedy or to create conflict. Long gone is the care that Pixar used to give to all of their screenplays, here it's all very cliched, all very predictable and every message is as subtle as a sledgehammer. Definitely not recommended!
Smile (2022)
Well made but very disappointing.
Wow, this was a huge disappointment. After some glowing reviews and good word of mouth I must admit I was expecting a lot more from this horror movie. It starts off well enough with a gruesome scene and especially a great, eerie atmosphere. I found the first third to be great with a few too many jump scares as my only complaint. But as the movie progressed so did my dislike towards it, as the main character just became totally unlikable and any good will I had was starting to fade. One of the tropes I hate the most in these kind of movies is when no one believes the main character and she just comes off as crazy even if she has a ton of evidence to backup her claims, I think it's lazy and a very easy way to try and create conflict. It then culminates in a very underwhelming and predictable climax that I just hated. Technically I really liked this movie and Parker Finn showed a lot of promise with his direction and I'm very curious to see where he goes from here, but he needs to write better screenplays or his movies will always be a very frustrating watch. Unfortunately all the technical aspects aren't enough for me to recommend this movie.
Bullet Train (2022)
Very entertaining
I usually like these kind of movies, and John Wick is right up my alley, so it's no surprise that I really enjoyed the ride in this train. David Leitch comes from a stunt background so his movies usually have very good fights and stunts, then you add a layer of coolness sprinkled with a pint of comedy and his movies tend to be really enjoyable and the definition of very well executed entertainment. The cast is also very good with Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry stealing the show. I might be alone here, but I did find Brad Pitt to be a bit miscast, as this role was clearly meant for someone like Ryan Reynolds and Pitt lacks the comedic chops to pull it off perfectly. He's not bad by any means, it's just a bit of a nitpick. Everything else was a joy to watch and I was thoroughly entertained throughout. It's a bit hollow and I don't know if I want to re-watch it many times, hence the note, but I can still highly recommend this for fans of the genre.
Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021)
Much better than the previous movie but Paranormal Activity in name only.
I didn't know what to expect from this entry in the Paranormal Activity series. The quality had been spiraling down from movie to movie and the previous one was so poorly received by everyone that a long time had to pass for them to attempt a new chapter. As the movie started I thought they were just going to abandon the found footage gimmick, but this wouldn't be a Paranormal Activity movie without it. It's a bit strange to see how far the technology has evolved from the first movie till now so everything feels a bit off as you see drones and super slow-mo being used, but, at the same time, it does feel a bit fresher than usual. Once you get used to everything the story kicks in and you realize that this has absolutely nothing to do with the other movies and that too feels odd. As the movie progressed I was a bit underwhelmed by everything, with all the usual tropes present and not much new or exciting going on. But, I must admit that I really liked the third act. While nothing groundbreaking actually happens it's, at least, entertaining and packs a satisfying ending. So, all in all this was a bit of a surprise and it's enough for me to recommend, although fans of the series will be disappointed as this was clearly a different movie that they just stamped the Paranormal Activity brand to sell it better.
Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)
Pathetic
Like many, I have no idea how this movie came to be. I'm not even a big fan of this franchise, but there's just no excuse to do such an abysmal movie in this day and age. I would say that there are a ton of school films that look much better than this crap. What fascinates me is that I would say that the director that did this should just pursue another career but this guy already made two Iron Skies movies that I found to be very entertaining, so how could he sink so low with this one? I don't think the budget should explain everything as he showed to do well with limited resources before, so, what happened here? I have no idea. In short this is one of the worst movies from a respectful franchise that I've seen and not even some OK make up effects save this from the 1 it deserves.
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
Very uneven
Quentin Tarantino is, obviously, one of the most talented and beloved writer directors working today. His movies always draw praise from both critics and audiences alike and every time a new movie of his opens it's an event, almost like a superhero movie for the highbrow crowd. His passion for movies and love of filmmaking are present in every frame of his movies, and he's one of the last true filmmakers, a dying breed in this age of computer generated sets and digital cameras. But, not all his movies are perfect, and this one is a perfect example of that, in what is probably my least favorite movie of his. This movie's sole purpose is to show us what life was like in Hollywood circa 1969. What movies were out, what series were on TV, what people ate, what music they listened to, etc... And don't get me wrong, I usually love this kind of stuff in movies, but when it's done to enhance the story, not as an almost documentary on the life of a washed up actor and his best friend/servant. When Tarantino says it took him five years to write this screenplay I can only wonder why, because it surely wasn't to develop a hell of a story, I think it was more because he didn't know what to do with the setting that he clearly wanted to use for his next movie. And that's a big surprise, because if anything Tarantino is a master on creating great scenes out of nothing, merely relying on dialogue to build tension and great performances to deliver them. His previous movie was a masterclass on that, people building tension for three hours in the same setting. But here there's nothing like that, none of his patented incredible dialogue that was his trademark in all of his previous movies. There's no tension to be found anywhere in this whole movie, and the first two hours are a total drag. The closest we get to that is a visit by the Brad Pitt character to a ranch, but even that scene has a very disappointing and predictable resolution. Having said all that, on a technical level this movie is spotless, though. The cast and performances are all very good, the production design is really incredible, having earned a very well deserved Oscar, and it's very well shot and edited. But that's not what we've come to expect from a Tarantino movie, we watch them for all that and an incredible screenplay full of unforgettable dialogue, and that's sorely missing here. I struggled a bit on how to rate this movie, if all the movie references, all the love in every frame, Pitt and DiCaprio, and mostly if the old fashioned way of making a movie (how I like it, to be honest) was enough for me to recommend it, but I guess not. This is officially the first Tarantino movie I can't recommend.
The New Mutants (2020)
Much better that expected
This was a very pleasant surprise. I'm not a big fan of The Fault in Our Stars, the X-Men franchise was figuratively and literally in life support, the production was a nightmare, the reviews were terrible, even Covid seemed to conspire against this movie. I was, obviously, expecting the worse, but once in a while there's a movie where I think the whole world has gone insane. What I saw was a solid but very different super hero movie. I was surprised with the quality of the direction and the whole production and I must say I really liked the idea of making a horror version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest with a super hero backdrop. Granted there are some pacing issues and it takes a while for something to happen, but I much prefer trying to go for something different and fail than to watch the same movie over and over again. The cast was OK, with Anya Taylor-Joy having the best character, and as I've said before, she can do no wrong. The ending is a bit formulaic but I think it was earned and I would gladly see more movies with this particular team. Watch it with an open mind.
Jungle Cruise (2021)
Very fun, but you've seen all this before
I usually like these kind of adventure movies and I think that Jaume Collet-Serra is one of the best for hire directors as his movies are usually entertaining and well made so it's no surprise that I actually enjoyed this movie. It's everything you'd expect from a big budget summer movie, very light-hearted and fun with a lot of set pieces and non stop action. But, and this is a very big but, it's also very derivative, borrowing a lot from other similar movies, as the plot is essentially the same as 1999's The Mummy and thematically it's very much like Pirates of the Caribbean (no surprise here). I always marvel at the amount of money Disney can put into their projects, so it's no surprise that they didn't want to take more risks than necessary to bring this movie into fruition, hence the safe screenplay. The acting is fine throughout, with Jesse Plemons being the highlight as the villainous Prince Joachim. I have to say that, in my opinion, Dwayne Johnson was horribly miscast unfortunately, and although he does a fine job with the material as he's always charming, and his very bad jokes are a highlight from both the movie and the ride it's based on, he seems a bit too big and too old for this particular part. I guess he's part of the no more risks than necessary but I would've gone with a totally different kind of actor. So, in the end, I think the positives far outweigh the negatives and although derivative and a bit forgetful I still had a great time watching this and can recommend the movie.
Escape Room: Tournament of Champions (2021)
More of the same
The first movie was a pleasant surprise as I usually enjoy these kind of high concept movie. The acting and characters were a bit underwhelming but the stars of the movie were the escape rooms themselves which I found highly imaginative and entertaining to watch. The ending was very over the top just to setup this sequel, so, here we are. I found the sequel to be very much like the first movie, with the same kind of qualities and flaws. The plot and all the mythology surrounding the rooms, I found really lacking and by far the least interesting part of the movie. But the rooms were really entertaining and as imaginative as in the first movie. My only problem, and a big difference from the first movie, is that they usually spend less time in each room because the filmmakers felt the need to amp up the rhythm, so all the solves feel a bit rushed and less earned than in the first movie. I understand that these are champions after all but it takes a bit of atmosphere and tension out of the movie. At least they learned not to start the movie with a scene from the end, something that I really hated in the first one. All in all this is more of the same, if you liked the first one you'll probably like this one, and I must applaud the writing staff (yes, they were six) for keeping the rooms creative and interesting.
47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019)
Still mediocre
We've come a long way since Jaws... Let me start by saying I wasn't a big fan of the first movie and I'm also not a big fan of director Johannes Roberts work, as most of his movies are mediocre at best. So it was with these very low expectations that I watched this sequel in name only, as it has absolutely nothing to do with the first movie. These low expectations helped, as I enjoyed it much more than the first one, but it's still a very mediocre affair. It's on par with Roberts other movies as it's not horribly done, but absolutely nothing stands out to make this a memorable experience. There are also a lot of absurd things, like the fact that the girls speak through their masks as if they were on the surface, while their masks don't even cover their ears, which I understand is necessary to make the movie flow a little better, but they make it very hard to suspend your disbelief. Not to mention that there's a screaming fish as part of a jump scare. Yes, a fish actually screams at you... Anyway, while this movie is a step up from the first one it's still not enough to recommend. Let's just say that the most entertaining thing is the fact that there's a Stallone and a Rhambo in the cast.
The House That Jack Built (2018)
Lars von Dexter
Lars von Trier is one of the most divisive filmmakers around. Even his movies are hard for me to completely embrace with no asterisks. As an example, his previous movie(s) was Nymphomaniac which I liked very much until the absolute last shot which I very much hated and thought defeated the whole purpose of the movie. All this to say that to analyze or, even worse, rate a Lars von Trier movie is a very hard task. The House That Jack Built is Lars von Trier doing a serial killer movie, and this seems like a great match, as one of the things I have a lot of difficulty connecting with in his movies is that I think he hates the human race, and as such he doesn't seem to like any character he writes, so what better than to write a movie where your main character is a despicable monster and most of his victims are also very unlikable. I must say I was a bit disappointed as the movie started, as this story was very uninteresting and the movie seemed very tame, with nothing new to add to all the serial killer movies out there. Even Matt Dillon, whom everyone was raving about was not convincing me. But, as the movie progressed, so did my interest and by halfway I was liking it much more. It does get a bit too gruesome and it's funny that this movie reminded me much more of The Human Centipede than Dexter, so it begs the question of how exploitative this movie really is. It is sprinkled throughout with dissertations on art and politics, and we even have a ten minute rant on Hitler and an auto analysis of von Trier's work, culminating in an ending that defies conventions. All this seems a little too pretentious and narcissistic to me, but it does elevate it from being just schlock. So, in the end, did I like it? I think so, but as with many of his movies, with a big asterisk.
Countdown (2019)
Surpisingly ok
To my surprise, I actually enjoyed this movie. It doesn't feel like the most original movie ever as it it takes inspiration from many other more successful horror movies (Final Destination and The Ring come to mind), but, even so, I really enjoyed the concept and even the whole mythology behind it was perfectly acceptable, something most of these types of movies have a hard time dealing with. My only gripe is that it falls into some of the horror tropes that you're used to seeing like having a character do something really stupid to advance the plot. The acting was OK, with P. J. Byrne in the role of exposition priest as a standout and a funny appearance by Tom Segura in a small role, whom I am a big fan of. All in all I had a good time watching this and can recommend it for lovers of the genre.
UglyDolls (2019)
Yawn
I don't have much to say about this movie. It's a mix of Toy Story and Monsters, Inc. With a few generic pop songs thrown in resulting in a harmless and forgettable animated movie that kids will enjoy and parents will be happy that their kids enjoyed. Nothing truly bothered me, the animation is OK, the songs are generic, the story is fine, the voice acting is good, but everything is so very very forgettable.
The Nightingale (2018)
Haunting and raw
This is a very tough watch. More than the raw violence that happens onscreen, it's the sense of dread and hopelessness that engulf the movie, in a time and place where apparently everyone was just a horrible human being. I wasn't a big fan of The Babadook as I thought it was very poorly directed, but for her second movie Jennifer Kent chose a setting that I think is more in line with her sensibilities, and as such her direction didn't bother me as much. I still think she is a more talented writer than director, and The Babadook really suffered for that, but her natural and grounded visuals are more suited for a nineteenth century tale than a modern day horror movie. Other than the direction, everything else in this movie is spot on, with an emphasis on the casting, from the leads down to the smallest of roles everyone is just perfect. Even Sam Claflin, who usually is just a pretty face, is really good here. But the movie stands on the shoulders of the two leads and they don't disappoint. Aisling Franciosi had a very tough role as she has to be both strong and very emotionally frail at the same time, and while she suffers a lot during the movie she also has some dubious actions and decisions that makes her character more complex than meets the eye, but she pulls it out phenomenally with a stand out performance. Baykali Ganambarr is the other lead and by far the most relatable character in the movie, and he too is excellent proving to be the heart and soul that this movie sorely needed. I have to say that I really liked this movie, it is very raw and I don't think I need to suffer through it again, but it is a really different take on the old and tired revenge story, with a great setting and a lot of things to say about humanity and good and evil. Very well done.
Playing with Fire (2019)
Boring predictable family fare
These kind of "family" movies are so boring and predictable that I don't know why I still watch them. You know exactly what's going to happen even without watching the trailers but if Arnie could do it, why can't John Cena? It's the definition of mindless entertainment. Cena tries his best and both John Leguizamo and Keegan-Michael Key need to pay their houses, but such a movie is a bit doomed from the start as it needs to play it safe to appease their target audience and it takes any edge the movie might have had. The kids are cute, and by kids I mean the two kids in the movie as Brianna Hildebrand looks too old for the part and it's strange to see Negasonic Teenage Warhead doing a cutesie family movie. Anyway, I don't want to be too harsh on this movie as in the end it's harmless and forgettable and does what it's supposed to do but I can't recommend it.
Five Feet Apart (2019)
Predictable but works ok.
Five Feet Apart is another entry in the teen doomed love genre, a kind of movie where you know everything that's going to happen but you watch it anyway to make sure you still have emotions in your body. These movies live and die by the chemistry of the leads and how well they can convince you of their love. Haley Lu Richardson is good as the oh so lovable teen that's a bit too smart and perfect but, alas, has a deadly disease and Cole Sprouse is a bit less convincing as the broody love interest, but his character grows on you as the movie progresses. It features cystic fibrosis as the disease of choice, a rare illness that most people don't know, but that's treated with a lot of respect and dignity in the movie, and introduces me to something new to make me feel depressed about. It's competently made, makes us care for the characters and is exactly what you thought was going to be. I don't rate it any higher due to the predictability of the story, and the sappiness of it all.
Dark Night (2016)
Great title.
While watching this, it's impossible not to think of Gus Van Sant's Elephant, as it's a very similar concept. But, unfortunately, it also shows how superior Elephant was. I remember watching the trailer and becoming very curious about this movie as I thought the title was excellent. But there is very little else to admire. It's just a collection of random uninteresting people, going about their day, doing uninteresting stuff, and then, just as randomly, it ends. It's so slow that it doesn't burn.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
A bizarre experience that most people won't like
Jim Jarmush is a bit of an acquired taste. He was one of the main voices of the 80's and 90's indie scene and his movies have a somewhat deliberate pace and a very dry humor that throw many people off, but that I usually like. So it was very strange to hear that his latest was a zombie movie of all things... Starring a who's who of Jarmush regulars (which funnily enough, many of them are also Wes Anderson's regulars), this is more of a comedy than a horror movie, keeping in line with his previous works. There are, nevertheless, a lot of bizarre decisions, like the meta stuff with breaking the fourth wall, that have no payoff, making this a very uneven movie that most people won't like. It's one of those movies that had I watched it in most other days I could've easily hated it, but on this day while not one of his best movies, I found it interesting enough to recommend, but be warned, tread lightly.
Free Guy (2021)
Very entertaining and light
This is the definition of a well made popcorn movie. It's light, entertaining and well executed. But like any good candy it also leaves you a bit empty by the end, wondering what could've been if it had a bit more depth to it. For director Shawn Levy this is a bit of a step up from the Museum movies, having a bit more meat to it, and Ryan Reynolds is charming as always. My main gripe with this is that it feels like a Hollywood movie trying to recreate the video game world, instead of a genuine passion project, and as such Free City doesn't feel like a real video game, it feels like a Hollywood screenplay filled with notes from actual gamers. It's not that important to the story though, so I can still easily recommend this movie for its entertainment value.
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)
A very well made tale of two charlatans
I have a lot of issues with The Conjuring series. On one hand they are big budgeted, slick studio horror movies, generally well made with lots of good set pieces, something that's becoming rarer and rarer in this day and age when it comes to genre movies. On the other hand they're glorifying two charlatans and validating some very shady things they have done. There's even a photo floating around of Vera Farmiga with the real Lorraine that just makes me sad as it seems she's with her hero! This movie is a great example of that. It is really well done, very atmospheric, with a great opening exorcism but by basing it in a real life case and telling one of the many fabrications of the Warrens it has to take a lot of creative licensing to be able to deliver on the thrills and scares that people are expecting. I mean, they justify a heart attack on a demon, and there's the whole The Devil Made Me Do It defense, that's based on real life events, but that's so ludicrous that only on a movie like this they would even try and make it sound serious. So, as you can see, I'm very divided on my opinion of this series of movies. People seem to love them, I like them as movies but the more entries there are the more I hate everything they represent.
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021)
Meh.
I remember being hugely disappointed with the first movie of this franchise, where, by far, the most memorable aspect was its trailers, mocking The Bodyguard, which I found very entertaining. The movie itself? I barely remember a thing. This one, I believe, will have the exact same effect, where I will barely remember it in two weeks. I understand where they're coming from, pitching together two highly entertaining and charismatic actors in a very mindless and fun action movie. But the problem here is the execution, where all the horrible CGI in the action scenes just give this movie a very cheap feel. And adding Morgan Freeman, Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas to the mix, all very entertaining in their own rights, isn't enough to save this movie. I know it's mindless entertainment, but I need a little more wit and a better execution to make a recommendation.
Cruella (2021)
Very frustrating.
Just like Cruella De Vil this is a bit of a schizophrenic movie. It's both incredibly well done and incredibly stupid and unnecessary at the same time. Let me try and describe Cruella De Vil from One Hundred and One Dalmatians, she's so evil that she wants to kill puppies just to make a coat. It's that simple, she's the definition of a cartoon villain, she even has devil in the name! That's why it works and that's why she's one of the most unforgettable characters in the Disney villain galleria. But then you try and humanize her and make people sympathize with her and everything is ruined. But you do it with an enormous budget (the soundtrack alone must have cost more than 99% of movies out there), with a lot of talented people and you have a schizophrenic movie. Why do I say that? Because it's frustratingly well made! It's very well directed, both Emmas are incredible, the production design, from sets to make-up and specially the costumes, is amazing. All serving a movie that is conceptually doomed that tries to convince us that this character is the same as the one in the cartoon. Spoiler Alert, she's not!