Reviews
Annihilation Earth (2009)
Only two people on Earth are capable of making potentially Earth-annihilating decisions
I actively hated this movie, and I'm a gal who tends to cut sci-fi movies a lot of slack because I love them so much, even the bad ones.
But this one -- wow.
The single stupidest and most insulting thing about Annihilation Earth (and of too many sci-fi and disaster movies) is that it gives only one or two scientists -- in the entire world -- the expertise and power to make crucial decisions affecting millions (and possibly billions) of people.
Annihiliation Earth is such a movie, in spades. No involvement with any national or worldwide governmental or scientific body -- just Luke Goss and Marina Sirtis getting all tense with each other.
This nation's already poor science literacy certainly won't be improved with preposterous flicks like this one.
Scarecrow (2002)
A waste of DVD technology
I'm a fifty-something woman who's still impressed by our high-tech world. I love music on CD's, microwave ovens, cable TV, computers, the Internet -- and my DVD player.
These wonderful consumer items were undreamed of when I was growing up, which is why I'm so disgusted by some of the alleged movies that get a DVD release.
And I really hate it when I unwittingly end up renting one them. "Scarecrow," for instance. I guess I'm a fool for a halfway competently designed DVD box, or something.
This flick is an amateur production through and through -- poorly written and acted, boringly predictable. And criminally lame with the jokes -- for instance, one guy is killed when the scarecrow rams an ear of corn in his ear. Get it? Get it?
What a total waste of technology in the 21st century.
Ronnie (2002)
Irony abounds in this very good movie
This extremely dark comedy is about a depressive, chain-smoking woman, her two equally troubled sons, and what happens at her house on the day she falls out of a moving taxi and has to be hospitalized.
One son, Ronnie, is basically a good-hearted, but thoroughly unmotivated and directionless guy who works at a halfway house for mentally challenged adults. He lives nearby in the shabby guest quarters behind his mom's rundown house.
At the halfway house, Ronnie, who doesn't have a girlfriend (and we suspect he has never had one), happens upon Sara, one of the resident women, who's standing naked in the bathroom.
She's muttering incoherently to herself. Nevertheless, Ronnie is intrigued, so much so that when he later sees her wandering down the street, he brings her to his room with romance on his mind.
Meanwhile, the other son, Keith, comes home from a stint in county jail with his girlfriend in tow. Soon he's joined by a couple of wild, druggy friends.
Ronnie's romantic interlude ends badly, not surprisingly. He ends up having to tie the very disturbed and helpless Sara to the bed to keep her quiet. He's frightened and confused, and he feels just awful about what he's done.
However, because Keith and his pals have decided to party all night in the house, Ronnie has a hard time correcting his mistake with Sara without being detected.
What happens next is a gruesomely amusing tale of bad decisions made by truly stupid people.
Great acting, great suspense -- and the ending is not to be missed. I heartily recommend this film!
Subterano (2003)
Mysteriously watchable
True, the special effects are a little lame in this low budget Australian movie, and the location for most of the action -- a parking garage -- is pretty cheap.
But, darn it. I was entertained.
One thing, though: This could be a good children's movie if all the four-letter words were removed.
Silo Killer (2002)
Miserable!
A previous user comment suggested, "give (Silo Killer) a try."
So I gave it a try. Gee, thanks for the recommendation...
Right off the bat, the music was so annoying I had to turn the sound down. The DVD isn't captioned, and I don't read lips, so I ended up simply fast-forwarding through the amateurish camera work and lame, allegedly gory special effects. And the really bad acting. (The Silo Killer was played by a guy in dental school.)
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT give this a try.
The Day the World Ended (2001)
Pretty lame
The world doesn't come anywhere near ending in this movie, which makes the title a mystery.
The kid who plays the young boy is appropriately creepy-looking, though. The monster? Well, it shuffles along making gooshy-slurpy noises. There are some big teeth in there somewhere, I think.
This is a lame movie, but what the hey -- I watched it all the way through anyway. Such is my unaccountable love for monster movies.
Blood Crime (2002)
New Zealand/Aussie "American" accents
I enjoyed this TV movie, but something about it kept irritating the heck out of me. Not enough to make me quit watching, though.
This is one of those movies made with American stars in New Zealand or Australia, but the action is supposed to be taking place somewhere in the United States. In this movie, it's the American Northwest.
However, the rest of the cast are actors from New Zealand or Australia, so they have to fake an American accent. Some actors are better at this than others.
Often the faked American accent fails when the actor is required to yell a line. Whatever, it's really, really distracting.
Just a complaint, that's all. As I said, I enjoyed this movie nevertheless.
Essence of Echoes (2002)
Essence of Low-Budget
A serial killer is on the loose, and brilliant FBI agent Julia Gates is on the job.
When victims are found dead in their homes in the middle of the night, Julia and her fellow agents do all their crime-scene detecting and evidence collection by flashlight. Since no one says there's been a power shutdown or a blackout, all we can surmise is that either the victims forgot to pay their electric bills, or the FBI fails to train its agents in the use of a handy device found on the walls of all the fancier houses -- a light switch -- in order to see what they're doing. They must miss a lot of evidence that way.
But, hey, this is a movie in which you hear the following dialog:
"All I know is, the (investigation) went deep."
"How deep?"
"All the way to the top."
Dark Summer (2000)
Awful, but like seeing a car wreck on the side of the road, you can't stop looking
Gerard, a French cellist, is driving across America when he sees cops investigating what looks like a car accident or a crime scene by the side of the road. He's so distracted that he runs off the highway and crashes into a field.
At the hospital, he meets Megan, a beautiful nurse. She's very distracting, too, and invites him to dinner at her house.
This guy never learns.
Megan lives with her equally beautiful younger sister, Dominique, who's infantile and seductive, and their dying father. Dad dies a few hours later and is buried apparently the next day.
Nothing like a funeral to stir the libido. That night, Gerard and Megan make love and a nude Gerard plays his cello in the dark.
The next morning, the mind-gaming sisters play a trick on Gerard, who gets a bloody nose in the process, but when they invite themselves on his road trip, he doesn't flee in terror, as any sensible person would.
About halfway through the movie, we're trying to decide what's more ridiculous: the over-the-top emoting over deep, dark family secrets; Dominique's personality; the cello-and-fiddle jam session at a country-western bar; Gerard's big, dumb puppy-dog eyes; or the fact that we're still watching.
This movie is like a car wreck or a murder scene. It's dreadful, but you simply can't take your eyes off it.
A Friday Night Date (2000)
Only two good things about this movie
If it weren't for Caspar Van Dien's two big blue eyes, there would be absolutely nothing worth seeing in this movie.
Van Dien plays Jim, a limo driver who rescues a pretty young woman, Sonia, from the angry boyfriend she's just broken up with, and offers her a ride home in his non-limo personal car.
Out on the freeway, he carelessly cuts in front of a big black pick-up truck, causing the truck to spin out. Despite the heavy traffic, no one is hurt. Jim drives on. But soon the truck comes roaring up behind them, and from there the movie is basically one long nearly non-stop car chase mixed with some nitwit dialog.
Throughout the movie, many dozens of other drivers are forced to swerve to avoid being killed by this car chase. Yet evidently not one of them has a cell phone to call the police. (Jim had a cell phone, but it was "new," he said, explaining why it wasn't working.)
Not to mention -- where are the police or even traffic-report helicopters to pick up on this extended car chase?
So, what do we have in "Road Rage"? We have a car chase, some brainless dialog, and zero suspense.
Oh -- and Caspar Van Dien's very big blue eyes.
Crash Point Zero (2001)
Everything but the kitchen sink
If it's variety you're after in an action flick, this is the movie for you.
We've got the CIA; avalanches; diabetic Dads; gullible train conductors; Christmas parades; ludicrous doomsday devices.
Exploding helicopters, exploding trucks, exploding airplanes, exploding cars, and exploding bicycles. (Okay, not bicycles, but only because the producer had already filled the movie's quota of exploding transportation.)
White mountain goats; beautifully appointed vacation houses with working phones out in the middle of nowhere; internet rumors.
And Bongo the Bear.
We also have CIA agent Treat Williams merrily wisecracking all through the film, no matter how many people are slaughtered right in front of him. The CIA obviously gives some of their agents happy pills before every assignment.
Auggie Rose (2000)
Misleading video title
For whatever reason, the original title of this film, "Auggie Rose," was changed to "Beyond Suspicion" for the video. The video title is very misleading, hinting at a dark, film-noir, thriller sort of movie.
It isn't. While there is one dangerous character who provides obstacles and intriguing possibilities for John, Jeff Goldblum's character, the film is populated by likable, interesting people. Auggie's still-incarcerated former prison cellmate is especially interesting. He's a criminal through and through, yet he has a world-weary wisdom about enjoying the simple things in life that makes him a tragic figure.
Jeff Goldblum is, as usual, totally wonderful, and Anne Heche struck just the right note in her portrayal of a sweet, kind, but not naive woman who is open and accepting with her love. This is a very well-made exploration of one man's journey into an entirely new way of life.
See it!
A Crack in the Floor (2001)
A depressingly pointless and awful movie
SPOILER ALERT!
First off, yes, Gary Busey is great, but his appearance in the movie has nothing whatever to do with the plot.
I use the word plot very loosely. This is a slasher flick with no plot and no point to it. The psycho killer (actually a pitiable fellow) leaves not a single survivor. Folks go into the cabin, folks get hacked to death. Period.
Usually at the end of most slasher movies the killer gets killed (or DOES he?), and at least one good-guy/gal character survives to have the requisite scene at the end involving a nightmare that the killer is alive and in bed next to him/her -- aaaaah!! It was only a dream. The end.
I wish I hadn't wasted money to rent this. Gary Busey was funny, but not three bucks' worth.
Fear Runs Silent (2000)
Confusing doesn't begin to describe this movie
I don't expect a lot from straight-to-video movies. So I'm very forgiving, especially if I've been entertained in some small way that justifies the price of the rental.
I'm sorry I wasted my money on Fear Runs Silent.
This movie tries to keep you in suspense wondering if Kerry, the terrorized main character, is living the minimally bloody horror in reality, in nightmares, or in psychotic hallucinations.
This sort of thing competently done can make for an exciting film with a clever, satisfying ending.
Fear Runs Silent was simply incompetent.
Sweet Thing (1999)
Suffering artist vs. politician Dad
Whew! This overwrought film about an emotionally damaged artist whose controversial work embarrasses his Dad, a judge now running for Congress, is a chore to watch.
The movie was meant to be grittily realistic, but couldn't overcome the two-dimensional nature of the main characters. The Dad was a caricature, an insanely ambitious, deceitful, and hypocritical politician. The son was a caricature, too -- an artist who must tell the truth through his art and suffers mightily for his brutal honesty -- a put-upon martyr and saint.
Exhausting, totally exhausting.
The Last Stop (2000)
A good little mystery
This isn't a perfect film, nor a great film. But it's completely entertaining nevertheless.
"The Last Stop" has some mystery, some interesting characters, some good acting, some growling white wolves, and a huge amount of snow.
The same night I saw this movie, I watched "The Skulls," a big studio production. "The Last Stop" was far more suspenseful.
Rent it!
The Secret Pact (1999)
The agony of a dyslexic teenage orphan hitman
First off, this movie is not a comedy. It's very serious. Keeping that in mind, read on.
Lenny is a sweet-natured orphan raised on the streets, but he's also a teenage hitman-in-training who is sent to find the only witness to a mob hit. The witness, Greg, also a teenager, is now under FBI protection and attending a prep boarding school in Montreal.
Apparently Lenny's wise guy foster dad, who gave him the assignment, managed to find out where Greg was but couldn't supply a photo (the Mafia isn't as sharp as it used to be), so it's up to Lenny to enroll in the school, go to classes, participate in school activities, and figure out which kid is Greg.
Right. This could happen. In real life. Yes, indeed.
Then there's Lenny's dyslexia, which makes him feel bad about himself. (Training to be a hitman evidently doesn't harm his self-esteem, however.) My favorite part of the movie is when the school counsellor, having noticed that Lenny can't read, gives him a pamphlet on dyslexia for him to -- yes! READ!!
American Hollow (1999)
The Hillbilly Life
If Rory Kennedy meant her documentary, "American Hollow," to show us a poor Southern rural white family as something more respectable than the disparaging hillbilly stereotype, she failed.
Not only were those familiar stereotypes not dispelled in this film, they were played out before us.
The film offers us snaggletoothed, alcoholic louts given to ridiculing their wives and kids. We see amazingly good-humored, unprotesting womenfolk who do all the work of keeping the family together and fed, with little help from the men.
The chronically unemployed men in the Bowling family simply won't leave to find work and a better life outside the hollow in their part of Kentucky where there are few job prospects.
Worse, they actively encourage failure in the "young'uns" as well.
I suspect we're supposed to believe that the Bowlings are nevertheless noble because they have deep roots on the land they've been unemployed, impoverished, and uneducated on for generations.
My grandparents came across the Atlantic to America because they couldn't make a living in the old country. I think that's far more courageous (and American) than staying in a lousy situation with no hope.
Poor rural black folks have to contend with racial discrimination when they go to the city for job opportunities. By contrast, the Bowling men, most of them blond, wouldn't have that hurdle to jump. But no, they stay resolutely mired in their hollow.
I'm a pretty soft-hearted person, but I lost my respect for the Bowling men in the first ten minutes of the film.
However, even if most of the subjects of this documentary aren't appealing, the film itself is well-made. I did learn one thing from "American Hollow" -- that love-sick teenage boys and the sweet young things who lead them on are the same the world over.
Regarde la mer (1997)
A disturbing and effective film
I'm a big fan of horror movies, but it has been a long time since a horror movie actually horrified me.
I didn't know "See the Sea" (or "Regarde la mer") was a horror movie when I began watching it. I knew only that it was a perhaps mildly suspenseful, but probably boring fifty-two minute French film being shown on Cinemax. I didn't expect much.
I didn't even bother going on-line to look for reviews.
So, how was I to know I shouldn't have watched "See the Sea" very late at night? As I said, I was prepared to be bored, figuring if I were bored to the point of nodding off on the sofa, I could turn it off and toddle off to bed, no problem.
An hour later, having finished watching this amazing, subtle, disturbing film, I was wide awake and disquieted -- and another hour passed before I settled down enough to go to bed.
The film's horror is psychological. It's in the relationship between two very different women, and it builds to a stunning conclusion.
The last film that made me feel this creeped out was "Repulsion" in 1966, when I was a teenager. And that was a French film, too. Hmmm...
Painted Angels (1998)
The Good Old Days...
The preceding user comments are all painfully accurate.
This movie is slow and boring. However, it does depict, in a gritty, realistic way, the allegedly good old days that some people think were superior in every way to our modern era.
Most folks back then lived the kind of dreary existence that this movie portrays. In this case, the dreariness is prostitution in the boondocks.
On the plus side, the movie was beautifully filmed. The lighting in the brothel at night was appropriately dim, which certainly renewed my appreciation for electricity.
However, the sound is awful. The actors mumble, and a few of them mumble with a thick accent, so I'm sure I missed dialog that was probably important to the story.
Some scenes had me stumped. For instance, the theatrical piece with the horse. What the heck was THAT all about??
The Last Days of Disco (1998)
Simply awful
I actively hated -- I mean HATED -- this movie while I was watching it. I've calmed down, and now I merely loathe it.
No one talks like the people in this movie, not even the overeducated yuppies it depicts. The dialog was even more stilted and unnatural than the most extreme Mamet dialog. And when dialog is stilted and wooden, it's distracting -- I kept losing track of what little story this movie offered.
But what REALLY got me were the raves from otherwise intelligent reviewers who seemed to think the writer has a fine ear for dialog! Go figure...
The Haunted Sea (1997)
"Aztec" silliness
The other user comment for this movie says it all, except that Barbra Streisand should forbid hubby James Brolin from ever again attempting an Irish accent.
And then there's that gimme cap on the noggin of the usually glamorous, decidedly non-butch Joanna Pacula.
MST3K is gone, sad to say. This would have been perfect fodder.
Casualties (1997)
Jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire
Annie (Caroline Goodall)is a battered wife. "In the end," she says in a voice-over at the beginning of the movie, "(my story) is just a little fairy tale about feeling desperate."
Annie is married to a Bill (Jon Gries), a cop and wife-beating control freak who won't let Annie get a job or a divorce. She has tried to run away, but he always catches her. And she knows that eventually he'll kill her.
He likes to remind her that he saved her from her sexually abusive father. As he slams her head to the floor, he screams something about "that freak called 'Daddy,' that sick old f--- !"
So, the idea of murdering Bill sounds pretty good to Annie.
Meanwhile, Bill's partner, Clark (Michael Beach), a good-hearted man, tries to help her. But he can offer her only the standard legal remedies that don't necessarily guarantee her safety.
Bill allows her to take a cooking class; she loves it, and it's a way to get out of the house. One evening the instructor introduces a new student, Tommy (Mark Harmon), to the class, and immediately he and Annie strike up a friendship.
She asks what he does for a living. "I kill people," he says -- and laughs, after a long pause. Uh, just joking...
Eventually she tells him about her predicament. He listens sympathetically, then mentions another solution, one that is more conclusive than anything Clark can offer.
She agrees to it, her problem is solved -- and then she finds out, to her horror, that when it comes to possessiveness, her husband was an amateur compared to Tommy.
I'm always wishing for better-than-average straight-to-video movies. And I got what I wished for with this film. Great acting (Goodall, Harmon, and Beach are simply perfect in their roles) and a script with frequent flashes of irony and wit make this a very entertaining and satisfying movie indeed.
This wasn't great art, but I liked it.