Bare Naked
- Video
- 2005
- 1h 26m
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Featured review
Insultingly poor
Paul Thomas sometimes used the name "Bo Edwards" to sort of hide his work for Vivid when it was obviously subpar, and this dreadful vehicle unworthy of contract superstar Mercedez shows why. It's a case of cranking out the lowest quality porn with the least effort, knowing that Vivid & Mercedez fans would bite.
Viewed over a decade later it was even worse than necessary, hinted by the opening card which summarizes the "plot" condescendingly, and even misleadingly. There follows five random sex scenes, all set in the great outdoors where the couple Mercedez and husband Nick Manning have gone on a camping trip.
Improvised dialog is miserable, and Manning is merely annoying, verbally abusive to Mercedez for no reason other than to fill dead air. Our suffering heroine is clearly unhappy (for real, not her fictional barely-extant character) putting up with insects or making love on uncomfortable rocky surfaces. Even in the context of generic porn this is awful.
The synopsis indicates a confrontation with a bear, and an unfunny in-joke in the end credits lists "Spunky the Bear" as voice-over artist, but the creature never shows up. Instead we have a contradictory use throughout of binoculars-view framing of the image, as if the cast was under surveillance by some voyeur. How the outline of binoculars suggests a bear watching them is beyond my comprehension, even in amateurish cinema like this mess.
Besides Manning, another Nick shows up for ineffective comic relief: Nick Jacobs is also out camping and informs Manning that he's going celibate for a year, having converted to some stupid New Age way of thinking. So as soon as pretty blonde Cassie Courtland shows up nearby to do some nude sunbathing, we're treated to comical speeded-up motion footage as Jacobs makes a bee-line to her and they immediately hump. How amusing!
Sexiest scene during Mercedez's wandering around looking for her husband has her and Cherokee in Sapphic tryst, both infatuated with the other's erect nipples. Taryn Thomas and big-up-front (but pre-even-bigger boob enlargement surgery) Daphne Rosen have lesbian sex along the way (Manning joining in for a threesome), and an extraneous sex scene of Manuel Ferrara and Alexis Malone is tossed in for good measure.
Perhaps Vivid's decline from the industry's Top Dog status to current oblivion can be traced to foisting so many nothing releases like this one on the public.
Viewed over a decade later it was even worse than necessary, hinted by the opening card which summarizes the "plot" condescendingly, and even misleadingly. There follows five random sex scenes, all set in the great outdoors where the couple Mercedez and husband Nick Manning have gone on a camping trip.
Improvised dialog is miserable, and Manning is merely annoying, verbally abusive to Mercedez for no reason other than to fill dead air. Our suffering heroine is clearly unhappy (for real, not her fictional barely-extant character) putting up with insects or making love on uncomfortable rocky surfaces. Even in the context of generic porn this is awful.
The synopsis indicates a confrontation with a bear, and an unfunny in-joke in the end credits lists "Spunky the Bear" as voice-over artist, but the creature never shows up. Instead we have a contradictory use throughout of binoculars-view framing of the image, as if the cast was under surveillance by some voyeur. How the outline of binoculars suggests a bear watching them is beyond my comprehension, even in amateurish cinema like this mess.
Besides Manning, another Nick shows up for ineffective comic relief: Nick Jacobs is also out camping and informs Manning that he's going celibate for a year, having converted to some stupid New Age way of thinking. So as soon as pretty blonde Cassie Courtland shows up nearby to do some nude sunbathing, we're treated to comical speeded-up motion footage as Jacobs makes a bee-line to her and they immediately hump. How amusing!
Sexiest scene during Mercedez's wandering around looking for her husband has her and Cherokee in Sapphic tryst, both infatuated with the other's erect nipples. Taryn Thomas and big-up-front (but pre-even-bigger boob enlargement surgery) Daphne Rosen have lesbian sex along the way (Manning joining in for a threesome), and an extraneous sex scene of Manuel Ferrara and Alexis Malone is tossed in for good measure.
Perhaps Vivid's decline from the industry's Top Dog status to current oblivion can be traced to foisting so many nothing releases like this one on the public.
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- Runtime1 hour 26 minutes
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