How should a man relate to his wife, and a women relate to her husband? St. Paisios presents us the royal path: why love and respect are really the same thing, and how the husband is the head of his wife but also the "lowest laborer", and how the wife is subject to her husband but also the "noble lady of the household".

A reading from _Spiritual Counsels, Vol. 4: Family Life_ by St. Paisios, p. 39-48
? _Spiritual Counsels, Vol. 4: Family Life_ by St. Paisios the Athonite
https://www.holycross.org/products/family-life-elder-paisios
? The Household and the Spiritual Life of the Mother - St. Paisios the Athonite
https://youtu.be/U2XzGpJ6qKI
? Marriage or Monasticism? (The Young Facing the Two Paths in Life) - St. Paisios the Athonite
https://youtu.be/g-LGlirprqc
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St. Paisios teaches:

Sacred Scripture says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church." God has determined that man should be head of the household. For the woman to be the head instead of the man is disdain for God. God first made Adam and then Eve. And Adam in seeing his wife, Eve said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh." The Scripture says that the woman should fear her husband, that is, respect him, and that the husband should love his wife. It is through love that one can have respect. It is through respect that one can have love. What I love, I also respect; and what respect, I also love. In other words, love and respect are not two different things; they are one and the same.

The equality sought by women can only be applied up to a certain point. Nowadays, women mistakenly believe that they're equal to men because they're working in all areas of society; they vote and take an active part in public life. Of course, their souls are equal. But when a husband doesn't love his wife, and a wife doesn't respect her husband, ugly scenes will take place in the family. In the old days, it was very grave for a wife to talk back to her husband. Nowadays a rather careless spirit has entered into the spousal relationship. How simple and beautiful it was back then! I knew a couple where the husband was very short and the wife was strong and quite tall. She could unload 500 pounds of wheat from the wagon all by herself. One time when one of the field workers — a tall man himself — tried to tease her, she grabbed him and tossed him like a matchstick! But you should have seen what tender respect and obedience she had for her husband! This is the only way to hold a family together.

Someone asked me, "Geronda, what is it that most unites husband and wife?" "Gratitude," I answered. They love each other for what they give as a gift to one another. The wife offers her husband trust, devotion, obedience. The husband offers his wife assurance and security that he can protect her. The wife is the noble lady of the household, but also the mature servant. The husband is the captain of the household, but also the lowest laborer.
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