The Courage to Choose Yourself with Julie Chavez

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How to Get Your Partner to Go to Therapy: Dr. Tracy tackles one of her most frequently asked questions: "How do I get my partner to go to therapy?" But first, she has a special announcement to share: she's writing her second book! Dr. Tracy then dives into the importance of starting therapy early in a relationship to build trust, enhance communication, and address issues before they become critical. She discusses the challenges many couples face, especially when one partner is hesitant, often due to stigma or fear of blame. She shares strategies for encouraging a reluctant partner, including empathetic communication, understanding their concerns, and approaching the conversation with care. The episode also explores the benefits of therapy, such as identifying and changing negative cycles, fostering personal growth, and deepening emotional connection. Dr. Tracy encourages listeners to be patient, respect their partner's pace, and consider therapy as a tool to strengthen and sustain thei by I'm Not Your Shrink

40 min listen

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Fostering Secure Attachment, Connection, Repair with Our Kids & Beyond with Eli Harwood: Eli shares her personal journey of overcoming inherited attachment trauma, emphasizing the importance of breaking intergenerational cycles. Together, Dr. Tracy and Eli explore the pressures of parenting, emphasizing the value of attunement, co-regulation, and being present with children during painful moments rather than trying to eliminate their pain. Eli also introduces her new book, "Raising Securely Attached Kids," which offers insights and practical advice for parents. Key takeaways from this conversation include the importance of repair over perfection in relationships, the necessity of connection in parenting, and understanding that parenting is challenging because it requires confronting our own vulnerabilities. The episode highlights that fostering connection through vulnerability and repair is what truly strengthens relationships. by I'm Not Your Shrink

47 min listen

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Understanding the Amygdala and Trauma Bonding with Dr. Kate Truitt: Dr. Tracy delves into how early childhood experiences shape our adult relationships with Dr. Kate Truitt, an esteemed clinical psychologist and neuroscientist known for her expertise in trauma and resilience. Dr. Truitt, founder of the Truitt Institute and CEO of the Amy Research Foundation, shares insights from her memoir, Keep Breathing, highlighting the powerful role of the amygdala—"Amy"—in shaping our responses to safety, lovability, and belonging. Their discussion covers the positive and powerful impact that showing personal vulnerability as therapists has had on their client relationships, the importance of connection, and the difference between codependency and trauma bonding. Dr. Kate expresses that while our past influences us, we have the power to choose healthier paths and that self-compassion is a key to healing and growth. Tune in to discover how understanding these dynamics can lead to deeper self-awaren by I'm Not Your Shrink

51 min listen

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Matrescence & Beyond: Redefining Mommy Brain with Dr. Nikki Pensak: In this episode, Dr. Tracy sits down with Dr. Nikki Pensak, a clinical psychologist, TEDx speaker and author of "Rattled," to discuss the challenges and opportunities of motherhood, particularly during the postpartum period. Dr. Nikki shares her journey from academia to becoming a mother, emphasizing the mental health needs of mothers often overlooked. They discuss the transformation of the maternal brain during matrescence, the pressures of social media, and the reality of baby bonding and breastfeeding challenges. Dr. Nikki rebrands "mommy brain" as a brilliant adaptation to motherhood's demands and advocates for early postpartum mental health care. They explore three pillars for thriving postpartum: mental health treatment, understanding motherhood, and thriving beyond birth trauma. The episode flips the narrative on motherhood, viewing it as a profound opportunity despite its challenges. Dr. Tracy concludes with ac by I'm Not Your Shrink

46 min listen

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Mini Session #11: Overcoming Obstacles in Your Marriage with Rini and Shaun Frey: Together, they discuss how anger and passive-aggressiveness can lead to disconnection and the importance of initiating early communication before things blow up. Despite eight months of built-up emotions, therapy helped them learn to talk openly and brought them closer. Rini shares her struggle with vulnerability and the expectation that men should take the first step, while Shaun recalls initiating reconciliation after a major fight. They highlight the importance of humor, managing egos, and learning repair strategies, encouraging parents to model these behaviors for their children. by I'm Not Your Shrink

9 min listen

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From Escalation to Calm: Practical Tips for Dealing with Disagreements with Dr. Tracy and Greg: They emphasize the importance of understanding how escalation occurs and how to effectively de-escalate before diving into the deeper and necessary conversations. They share insights from their own relationship, highlighting how childhood experiences shape behaviour in relationships and the impact of perpetual conflicts. Dr. Tracy and Greg discuss the physical sensations of escalation, common negative communication patterns, and the importance of self-awareness, acknowledgment, and making agreements with your partner to take breaks and return to conflicts with a calmer mindset. They also cover practical techniques for self-regulation and co-regulation and answer a listener's voicemail about navigating loss and its impact on relationships. by I'm Not Your Shrink

55 min listen

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Mini Session #10: Coping with Anxious Attachment in Relationships: In today’s mini-session, Dr. Tracy addresses coping with anxious attachment in relationships. She explains that it’s not your fault and stems from unmet needs in the past. Dr. Tracy emphasizes self-soothing with affirmations like “I am loved, I am enough, I am worthy” and highlights the importance of looking inward for acceptance. Understanding triggers, practicing self-compassion, and clearly communicating your needs and struggles to your partner are key strategies. Self-compassion involves acknowledging suffering, recognizing it as a human experience, and offering yourself grace. by I'm Not Your Shrink

7 min listen

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Parenthood, Perfectionism, and Finding Peace after Birth Trauma with Dr. Mona Amin: In this episode, Dr. Mona candidly opens up about her traumatic birth story, the subsequent health challenges her family faced, how it affected her marriage, the importance of self-advocacy and the key role therapy played while navigating her postpartum reality. As a recovering perfectionist she also shares how she's learned to get comfortable in being uncomfortable and trust the healing process. Together, Dr. Mona and Dr. Tracy explore how traumatic experiences can shape relationships, the ongoing, unpredictable journey of parenthood, the need to prioritize therapy and how to maintain hope in the face of uncertainty. by I'm Not Your Shrink

54 min listen

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Mini Session #9: Let's Talk About Feelings with Dr. Becky Kennedy: Dr. Tracy and Dr. Becky discuss the impact of growing up with parents who, despite their best efforts, did not validate certain emotions. This creates an intergenerational legacy where unvalidated feelings become triggers today. They highlight the importance of changing the script for our children's future and our own mental health. By showing kindness, compassion, and curiosity to ourselves, we can model these behaviours for our kids. They challenge the outdated belief that emotions are "soft" and emphasize that feelings are primary, reacting before we think. Ignoring emotions leads to negative outcomes, and addressing them is essential for effective change. by I'm Not Your Shrink

8 min listen

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What to Do When They Never Plan Date Nights: This week, Dr. Tracy addresses the common issue of "my husband doesn’t plan date nights," a struggle many listeners have shared. She discusses the prevalent belief in heterosexual relationships that men should instinctively know and plan for their partner's needs, emphasizing that healthy relationships require intentional effort and open communication. Dr. Tracy highlights the importance of recognizing different seasons in partnerships, acknowledging bids for connection, and separating self-worth from a partner's actions. She offers practical advice on creating a system for planning date nights, balancing the division of labor, and appreciating each partner's contributions. By understanding and communicating needs effectively, couples can improve their connection, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction. by I'm Not Your Shrink

47 min listen

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Mini Session #8: Addressing Mom Burnout & Perfectionism with Dr. Jen Douglas: Dr. Tracy and Dr. Jen Douglas, a clinical assistant professor at Stanford University, licensed psychologist, and mental wellness speaker, tackle mom burnout and perfectionism, highlighting the pressures modern mothers face. They discuss how today’s moms spend twice as much time on parenting compared to 1965, coupled with the demands of being constantly available to employers. This has led to unrealistic expectations of being a hands-on, super-present mom. They emphasize the importance of allowing yourself to just "be," as taking a moment to relax doesn’t diminish your worth as a mother. The session calls for reevaluating perfectionist standards and giving yourself grace in the journey of motherhood. by I'm Not Your Shrink

5 min listen

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The Dos and Don’ts of Postpartum Visits with Renee Reina: This week, Dr. Tracy welcomes back her fellow Canadian sister, Renee Reina, host of the top-ranking podcast The Mom Room, for an open and honest discussion about handling visitors after giving birth. Renee shares her personal experience and how her perspective on postpartum visits shifted after having her son, Milo. They distinguish between true support people and visitors, highlighting the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing the mother's comfort and needs. The conversation covers cultural expectations, the challenges of navigating in-laws, and the guilt often associated with saying no to visitors. Through engaging listener voicemails, they tackle real-life scenarios, offering practical advice on setting expectations and advocating for one's needs. This episode is a must-listen for all the soon-to-be and new mom's out there! by I'm Not Your Shrink

60 min listen

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Mini Session #7: Prioritizing Intimacy: Today's mini session is all about scheduling sex and prioritizing intimacy. Don't leave sex until the end of the night when you're exhausted. Dr. Tracy encourages listeners to be intentional about scheduling it and making it a priority. Remember, intimacy isn't just about intercourse; it's also about emotional connection and shared activities. She offers suggestions and encourages new approaches like naptime sex and taking off the pressure by just being close. If sex feels like a chore, talk openly with your partner about what feels good and what doesn't. Build intimacy through vulnerability and connection in all forms! by I'm Not Your Shrink

7 min listen

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Managing Sensory Overload with Dr. Brooke Weinstein: Dr. Brooke, known for her engaging and digestible social media content, explains the concept of sensory overload and how our fast-paced digital world contributes to widespread mental health issues. They discuss the differences between tantrums and meltdowns, the necessity of regular self-regulation, and recognizing personal sensory needs. The conversation also covers supporting partners during dysregulation, the need for flexibility in coping strategies, and the importance of accepting each other's unique needs. This episode aims to promote healthier connections and overall well-being by understanding and respecting the diverse sensory requirements within our relationships. by I'm Not Your Shrink

63 min listen

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Mini Session 6: Unpacking Codependency and Trauma with Anna Aslanian: Dr. Tracy chats with Anna Aslanian about codependency and understanding how people end up in codependent relationships. They redefine codependency, moving away from the old assumption that it always involves addiction, and instead highlighting it as a response to trauma and a way of seeking safety in relationships. They emphasize that dependency is not inherently negative, as humans are relational beings who need connection. Dr. Tracy and Anna also explore the nuanced definition of trauma, explaining that it isn't always about major life events but can include any hurtful experiences that remain unprocessed. They discuss the importance of recognizing both big and small traumas, approaching them with self-compassion and without judgment, and avoiding comparisons with others' experiences. by I'm Not Your Shrink

8 min listen

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Understanding Avoidant Partners with Greg Stewart: Dr. Tracy teams up with her favourite co-host, her husband Greg, to dive into the tricky terrain of avoidant attachment styles in relationships. Sharing their personal stories, they unpack how our past experiences shape behaviours today. Dr. Tracy breaks down attachment theory, reminding us that dependency isn't weakness—it's human. They explore why updating relationship "scripts" is crucial and how regular check-ins can prevent resentment. Greg opens up about his journey to overcome avoidant tendencies, emphasizing the power of asking for what you need. With practical advice on handling avoidant partners and fostering deeper connections, this episode is a heartfelt guide to building a stronger, more understanding relationship. by I'm Not Your Shrink

41 min listen

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Mini Session 5: Turning Invisible Work into Visible Work with Eve Rodsky: In this mini session, Dr. Tracy chats with Eve Rodsky about turning "invisible work" into "visible work." Invisible work includes the behind-the-scenes tasks mothers and women often handle without recognition. Eve shares how she created the "Shit I Do" spreadsheet, listing all these tasks and gathering input from women in various communities. This effort made the extensive contributions of mothers more visible. Eve discusses the importance of women taking agency in their lives and introduces the core findings of her book "Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do.”. by I'm Not Your Shrink

8 min listen

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Breaking Relationship Patterns with Amy Chan: In this episode, Dr. Tracy welcomes Amy Chan, founder of Breakup Bootcamp and author of "The Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart," to discuss why we stay in bad relationships and how to break harmful patterns. Amy shares insights from her own experiences and her work in helping people heal from heartbreak by understanding the deep-rooted reasons behind their relationship choices. They explore concepts like the attraction of deprivation and the sunk cost fallacy, highlighting why people stay in unfulfilling relationships and how to recognize these patterns. Amy also introduces the "shit bucket" theory, emphasizing that all relationships have challenges, and it's crucial to have realistic expectations and effective communication. This conversation offers valuable advice on nurturing oneself, maintaining a sense of self, and fostering mutual motivation and creativity in relationships, ultimately guiding us toward healthier, mo by I'm Not Your Shrink

47 min listen

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Mini Session 4: Debunking the Myth of "Happy Wife, Happy Life" with Greg Stewart: Dr. Tracy and her husband Greg debunk the myth of "Happy Wife, Happy Life." They argue that true happiness in a relationship should not come at the expense of one's own well-being. They emphasize the importance of having difficult conversations and maintaining a genuine friendship within the relationship. They also touch on the necessity of self-awareness and curiosity in resolving conflicts and highlight that we can only control our responses, not our partner's actions. Ultimately, they stress the importance of authenticity and mutual respect in building a healthy, balanced relationship. by I'm Not Your Shrink

7 min listen

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Putting Your Relationship First with Dr. Stan Tatkin: In this week's episode, Dr. Tracy chats with Dr. Stan Tatkin, a renowned clinician, researcher, and author of the bestselling book "Wired for Love." They explore the concept of interdependence in relationships, using the three-legged race analogy to highlight the importance of teamwork. Dr. Tatkin emphasizes understanding our own and our partner's brains to foster secure and functioning relationships, addressing the impact of negativity bias and the pitfalls of social media diagnoses. They discuss attachment styles, the couple bubble, and aligning on priorities for lasting connections. Dr. Tatkin shares insights on conflict resolution, mutual relief during disagreements, and maintaining a strong partnership through mutual sensitivity and understanding. This conversation offers practical advice and profound insights to help listeners build resilient and loving relationships, highlighting why it's actually ok to put your relationship by I'm Not Your Shrink

48 min listen

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Mini Session 3: Attachment Styles and Conflict Resolution with Dr. Morgan Anderson: Dr. Tracy is joined by Dr. Morgan Anderson to discuss the challenges of relationship repair through the lens of attachment styles. They explore how individuals with anxious attachment struggle with distance, often engaging in anxious pursuit and abandoning their own needs to regain a sense of safety. These individuals must learn to self-soothe, such as by taking a walk or doing a task, and become comfortable with discomfort. Whereas those with avoidant attachment deactivate their feelings and needs, pushing away closeness and often wanting to sweep conflicts under the rug. For the avoidantly attached individuals, the focus should be on self-soothing while learning to turn toward their partner, asking for reassurance, and setting clear boundaries. Both attachment styles face unique challenges in repairing relationships, but understanding and addressing these patterns can lead to healthier and more resili by I'm Not Your Shrink

7 min listen

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How to Overcome Perfectionism: Dr. Tracy tackles a topic that affects many of us but is also something that is very near and dear to her heart, and that is perfectionism. She explains how perfectionism is more than a desire to do well, often becoming a relentless pursuit of flawlessness that can harm our mental health and relationships. Dr. Tracy explores the internal and external roots of perfectionism and introduces the concept of urge surfing, a technique used to manage the impulse to be perfect. She shares five practical tips for managing perfectionism that have helped her: raising awareness, stepping into discomfort, practicing self-compassion, challenging negative self-talk, and embracing acceptance. Through her personal experiences and professional expertise, she aims to provide support to listeners in navigating their struggles with perfectionism to foster a healthier, more balanced life. by I'm Not Your Shrink

43 min listen

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Mini Session 2: Differentiating a Narcissist and a Non Narcissist with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman: In this session, Dr. Tracy and Dr. Jaime Zuckerman explore the key differences between a chronically defensive person (non-narcissist) and a full-blown narcissist. The session delves into the behavioral contrasts, highlighting that defensive partners lack malicious intent, whereas narcissists are often intentionally harmful. To wrap up, Dr. Tracy and Dr. Zuckerman offer insights on managing relationships with both non-narcissistic and narcissistic partners. by I'm Not Your Shrink

8 min listen

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Should I Stay or Should I Go? Navigating Marriage and Divorce With Kate Anthony: Join Dr. Tracy and guest Kate Anthony, author and host of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, as she shares her expertise on the pivotal decision many women grapple with: "Should I stay or should I go?" Having personally navigated an emotionally abusive marriage, Kate understands better than anybody the importance of creating a safe, supportive environment for children caught in the crossfire, the power toxicity holds, and why divorce doesn't ultimately screw up our children. She discusses the disproportionate emotional and domestic labor women often shoulder in heterosexual relationships and why women are left exhausted by the time they reach their breaking point. Kate also encourages women to reconnect with themselves in order to make empowered decisions moving forward in their lives. Tune in for a conversation filled with essential perspectives on nurturing healthier relationships and personal well-bein by I'm Not Your Shrink

51 min listen

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Mini Session 1: Navigating Defensiveness in Relationships with Matthew Frey: In this session, Dr. Tracy and Matthew Frey discuss a crucial issue that affects many relationships: defensiveness. They explore how defensiveness not only creates barriers but also diminishes and invalidates your partner's feelings. Matthew shares a personal revelation from his own life, noting how his failure to validate his wife's experiences contributed significantly to the deterioration of their marriage. He emphasizes that understanding doesn't require agreement but rather a mindful consideration of another's perspective. by I'm Not Your Shrink

7 min listen

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Truth, Trauma and Transformation with Dr. Frank Anderson: Dr. Tracy welcomes Dr. Frank Anderson, a renowned trauma expert and author to discuss the profound impact of trauma on personal development and well-being, as well as insights from his latest book, "To Be Loved: A Memoir of Truth, Trauma and Transformation," exploring the journey towards healing and forgiveness. The two kick things off by highlighting the importance of therapists sharing their vulnerabilities and human-ness to bridge the gap between them and their clients. Frank delves into how trauma is really just absorbed energy from our experiences with others and why that energy doesn't actually "belong" to us. They also touch on the power of forgiveness in healing trauma, emphasizing that it allows us to let go of negative emotions and see the humanity in others, including ourselves. This episode is a deep dive into understanding trauma’s role in shaping our lives and how embracing our true selves through healing can lead by I'm Not Your Shrink

47 min listen

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From Conflict to Connection with Greg Stewart: Dr. Tracy and her favourite co-host/hubby, Greg, are back and here to tackle one of the most common issues couples face in relationships: why bringing up one problem with a partner often leads to a flood of additional grievances. They discuss why this might happen, identify defense mechanisms and avoidance strategies, and emphasize the importance of understanding and communication in relationships. They introduce the metaphor of a "bridge" between partners and the importance of integrating regular relationship "check-ins" as crucial for maintaining connection and preventing relationship explosions. They also address some listener questions, offering insights into managing different parenting styles and in-law tensions and stressing the importance of empathy, patience, and individual growth in a relationship. Tune in solo or listen with your partner for the wisdom you didn't even know you needed! by I'm Not Your Shrink

47 min listen

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Body Memories and Intergenerational Healing with Dr. Tanya Cotler: Dr. Tracy kicks off the episode by sharing a recent personal experience of a body memory—a sudden, unexplained emotional outburst she later linked to her childhood. This episode dives deep into the concept of body memories—emotions stored physically that our brains may not recall cognitively—and the importance of addressing intergenerational trauma. They discuss how modern parenting is shifting towards acknowledging and processing these traumas to prevent passing them on to the next generation. The conversation also explores the nervous system's role in safety and emotional responses, mindfulness practices, attachment theory, the influence of social media on our understanding of attachment styles, and so much more. You don’t want to miss this one! by I'm Not Your Shrink

56 min listen

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Why Love Isn’t Enough with Matthew Hussey: In this insightful conversation, Dr. Tracy and Matthew Hussey, renowned love and relationship expert, explore the very real challenges of finding the right person in today’s society. Before diving into the advice and strategies, the two share a candid connection about the ironic struggle they face as "experts" in their field, when really, they are just humans navigating the same love-life struggles as everyone else. Matthew then shares the details of his new book and breaks down the four critical levels of a relationship that we should value: admiration, mutual attraction, commitment, and compatibility, discussing how each plays a vital role in the journey towards a lasting connection. They also touch on the unrealistic way love is portrayed in the media, the negative role familiarity can play when it comes to our relationships and why so many of us repeat the same patterns when it comes to love. This episode aims to guide listeners through th by I'm Not Your Shrink

44 min listen

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Understanding Grief Beyond the Surface with Megan Riordan Jarvis: In today's episode, Dr. Tracy sits down with grief therapist Meghan Riordan Jarvis to unpack the nuanced experiences of grief and loss beyond what we often associate with obvious tragedies, like the death of a loved one. They discuss how grief can sneak into our everyday lives, often unrecognized, and explore the importance of tuning into our bodies and managing our nervous system's response to grief. Meghan, drawing on both her professional expertise and personal experiences of loss, offers insights into the physical and emotional impacts of grief, strategies for coping with the body's fight or flight response, and the significance of processing grief to avoid long-term trauma. Hopefully, this episode offers a deeper understanding of grief's complex nature and provides listeners with the tools necessary to navigate their own experiences of loss. by I'm Not Your Shrink

58 min listen

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The Courage to Choose Yourself with Julie Chavez

The Courage to Choose Yourself with Julie Chavez

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