A Silenced Heart
By Colleen Jood
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About this ebook
My book is about my life story, it entails about how I was fostered and eventually sexually abused by grown men and the young boys in my foster home. My teenage life and as I grew up.
Colleen Jood
Colleen Jood, affectionately known as Collz, is a resilient and inspiring author from South Africa. Born and raised in Pinetown, KwaZulu-Natal, Colleen's life journey has been marked by determination and perseverance. As the eldest of five siblings, Colleen's path to education was not traditional. She completed her matric at 28 and went on to pursue a degree in social work at Unisa University. Though financial constraints forced her to abandon her studies, Colleen's passion for helping others led her to a 20-year career as a stenographer at the Durban Magistrate Court. After resigning in 2021, Colleen relocated to Ladysmith, where she now focuses on her writing. In her debut memoir, Colleen shares her personal story of triumph over adversity. When not writing, Colleen enjoys cooking, baking, and reading Christian books, particularly those that share stories of overcoming abuse.
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A Silenced Heart - Colleen Jood
Acknowledgment
This book is dedicated to my late great grandfather and my late great grandmother and also to my mother Shirley Jood
Today the 29th November 2010 Monday it’s a cold day just felt a need to start my book that has been spoken prophetically over my life so many times by different Pastors. Also, I pray that this book will help a lot of sexually abused, rejected, unloved, hurting, suicidal, lonely depressed, who feel as though their life has been squeezed out of out of them. woman who feels that they are trapped in their own prison, who have never known what love is looking for love and attention in all the wrong places and people, the only love that will ever complete you is the love of our heavenly Father God. Just know there is a way out. I believe that we do not go through things in life for no reason everything has a reason, season and time and I do hope that this book reaches every young girl and woman in this world just to let you know we all have a story to tell.
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JEREMIAH 1 v 5 BEFORE I FORMED YOU IN THE WOMB I KNEW YOU,
BEFORE YOU WERE BORN, I SET YOU APART; I I APPOINTED YOU AS A PROPHET TO THE NATIONS.
I named the title A Silenced Heart because no one threatened me but I just knew that I had to be silence about my sexual abuse, anyway no one would believe me. I endured sexual abuse from a very small age until the age of 12 years old, little did I know this would become a way of life, a lifestyle of abuse and pain it somehow seemed to follow me or it seemed like I had a sticker on my forehead that said abuse me.
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This is my great grandfather John Van Whye, my mother Shirley Jood and that is me standing in front of her, my great grandmother Ida Van Whye (Mtolo) and my mother’s late sister Elaine Denise Coles.
Growing up -1972
I am the oldest child of my mother Shirley Jood and my late father Tony Visagie, they never married. I was born in Addington hospital on the 15th February 1972 in the early hours of the morning. We lived in Thornwood in a mud house with other family members who had their own rooms attached to the main house, all in one this was Van Whye premises, I lived with my late great grandfather John Van Whye and my late great grandmother Ida (Mtolo) Van Whye who loved me unconditionally, I was her favourite great grandchild I loved her so much and she loved me I knew it because I felt her love for me even as a little girl, she sewed all my clothing and even my underwear, I was her pet and she named me Thula, I believe I cried a lot. I was also a very quiet shy child and even as I grew up, I was very shy.
In my grans room where two single beds and I slept with her on her bed, opposite was my great grandfather’s bed, they slept on separate beds I think that’s how it was in the old days, on the other side of this big room was the kitchen. I have precious memories of growing up with my great grandmother she was always taking care of me, feeding me and bathing and putting me to bed. One evening my grandma was busy in the kitchen and my ear my so itchy, I told her and she gave me a black small clip to scratch which I did and fell asleep on our bed we shared with that she came to bed and asked me to move up and as I did the clip went into my ear and I felt such pain and screamed I cried till the morning my grandma being old school warmed cooking oil and put into my ear and the pain went away till today I am now 52 years old I still suffer with my ear and I am reminded of the faithful day, There were also precious memories with all my cousins especially my favourite cousin Eric Van Whye who is now late who committed suicide by hanging himself on mango tree, after many years opposite my granny’s flat were my mom now lives . I remember how we would all go to the back of the house with my late cousin Eric Van Whye to steal mangoes and he would let me stand away from the trees and tell me when it was time to run, I must run, which of course most of the time we had to run because the trees belonged to an Indian family, they would come and chase us away. Eric and I were very close because he was also my great grandma and great grandpa’s favourite. The baby son of their son, as his mother had passed away as he was still a baby.
Runaway Child - 1975
I remember like it was yesterday. At a young and tender age my mother was leaving for work one morning and I was crying, no I was screaming for her not to leave me she was leaving me in this room with my sister Cynthia and my baby brother Anthony who was still a baby and their father to take care of us. In the end my mom not knowing what to do took me to their aunt who was in another room and she left for work. A few minutes after she left. I walked out this homestead that had multiple rooms and a very big gate that had been left opened, I walked out and onto the main road just walking, my god mother the late Minnie Mentoor found me and took me to this lady’s house who gave me white butter bread and a cup of white tea and I was then taken to this office where a white lady asked me where do I want to stay, I pointed at my foster