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    What is Love? Reflections on the Origins of Human Behavior in Love and Relationships
    What is Love? Reflections on the Origins of Human Behavior in Love and Relationships
    What is Love? Reflections on the Origins of Human Behavior in Love and Relationships
    Ebook127 pages1 hour

    What is Love? Reflections on the Origins of Human Behavior in Love and Relationships

    By Jennifer Foster

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    About this ebook

    The future of Love is in jeopardy.

     

    What would it look like if we were to redefine Love, entirely?

     

    How do we make a newer, healthier version of Love the norm?

     

    What does it look like to redefine Love in our society? It's time to have different conversations about Love. Different conversations about Love are not happening enough. Conversations about the unnecessary suffering…about the changes in the ways we are relating to one another, the evolution of Love and relating throughout time, and the paradigm shifts happening within the realm of relationships. 

     

    This book is the first of a series that provides an in-depth exploration of why we love in the ways we love.

    It offers a perspective that will hopefully lead to a deeper understanding of why we act the way we do in relationships and Love.  What happened? How, why, and when did we distance ourselves from the true essence of Love?

     

    We are coming to a deeper understanding of our conditioning and what it entails: we are molded, without consent, into what someone else wants us to become from the moment we are born. The goal is to fit us all into a long outdated societal structure that is not evolving at the same rate our minds, state of consciousness, and awareness are evolving.  It's like only having an 8-track to play music but all our music is in digital form.  It's just not working out.  Our new awareness and thought patterns have long outgrown the puritanical relationship structure brought on by colonialism. And it is the colonialist relationship structure that forms the backbone of most relationships and Western society today.

     

    Entering this well-beneath-the-surface conversation about Love and relating is fascinating. It's a fascinating process because, as a species, we are always expanding.  We are rapidly evolving into a deeper understanding of who we are NOT, and how we can more successfully thrive as human beings.  

     

    What do we need to discover to truly connect to Love's essence? What will help us peel back the layers of toxic love and shine a light on the beliefs that do not serve us?  Social media, books, and movies often reinforce a toxic version of romantic love. Romantic love is presented as something that needs to be conquered...wrestled with...abandoned...picked up again...earned...lost...gained…and the process is repeated over and over again. That's exhausting. And it is not real Love.

    I believe we are rising out of an era of relationship oppression, and it's messy, confronting, and confusing for a lot of people. 

     

    We think we yearn for love, but maybe it is not love we seek. The grasping element indicates something else is happening within us. We do not yearn for love. We yearn for connection.

     

    This book is for people who are finding the experience of loving another person and starting relationships over and again to be increasingly challenging (I call this "relationship Groundhog Day). This book is for people who are open to another perspective on Love. This book is for people who have given up on love altogether.

    Maybe you're married and love your partner, but you are also feeling deeply unfulfilled. Maybe you're starting a new relationship and wondering if this person is "the one."

     

    Maybe, you're wondering if there is something else out there.

     

    At first glance, you might think this book is designed to "turn" people from monogamy. It is not (at least that is not my intention).  Instead, this book calls for a complete paradigm shift in the ways we think about Love. This book is a call for an awakening of Love's true essence. 

     

    My prayer is: May we collectively uncover Love's true essence. May we see one another for the sentient beings we are.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJennifer Foster
    Release dateSep 29, 2024
    ISBN9798224709625
    What is Love? Reflections on the Origins of Human Behavior in Love and Relationships
    Author

    Jennifer Foster

    Jennifer Foster is a Life Coach with fifteen years of experience and is the creator of the popular online coaching site, Open Your Mind, A School for Unlearning. The author is currently finishing her master's in clinical counseling and is a licensed Registered Behavior Technician, delivering ABA therapy to children on the spectrum. The author is known for her unique approach to relationships and well-being, using the "decolonize therapy" approach to healing, believing mental health is largly impacted by systemic inequities, the trauma of oppression, and the evolution of a society built on "grind culture."

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      Book preview

      What is Love? Reflections on the Origins of Human Behavior in Love and Relationships - Jennifer Foster

      Chapter 1

      The Current State of Relationships

      "I won't stop getting butterflies

      I get 'em every time

      I look into your eyes

      You won't stop running through my mind

      For the rest of both our lives

      You give me butterflies

      And I keep on getting butterflies..."

      ~ Lyrics to the song, Butterflies by Ali Gatie and Max Schneider. 

      Most of us have been there.  You unexpectedly run into someone, and they have that... something.  You can’t quite put your finger on it...but this person’s presence is sending cosmic tingles through every cell of your body, causing you to transform into a metaphorical lump of putty, ready and willing to transform at their bidding.  Your soul feels like it is on fire. Just the thought of them or getting ready to see the person in the near future gives you an overwhelming feeling of joy and giddiness reminiscent of teenage love.  Your face hurts from smiling. A volcano could erupt next door and you would be oblivious. Sometimes the feelings are so intense you feel like you’re going to explode.

      Butterflies

      Butterflies are a side-effect of something called new relationship energy, (or limerence) and I’ll get to that in a moment. 

      There’s a part of me that wants to throw out a warning and say, spoiler alert! or some other phrase that might be appropriate for this topic.  I will say that some of you might experience a slight feeling of disappointment after reading this section. Some of you will want to reject the different perspectives presented.  Remember that, ultimately, it is the truth that is liberating.  The truth is blissful.  The fantasy world can only provide momentary happiness.

      When discussing the current state of relationships, I want to start with something that is a universal experience for many at the beginning of relationships: Butterflies. Let’s look at multiple perspectives on what the feeling of butterflies at the beginning of a relationship can signify.

      Research on butterflies in my stomach opens a wild rabbit hole to go down into and I’m excited to share what I am learning.  First, let's start with the definition and etymology.

      The phrase to have butterflies in the stomach first appeared in the book The House of Prayer written by Florence Converse in 1908.[1]

      The feeling of butterflies in your stomach is commonly known as a fluttery sensation that can occur when you're around a love interest. This feeling can also be described as an unsettling feeling (i.e., Emotional overwhelm showing up in the body) in stressful situations; before walking into a job interview, making a marriage proposal, or waiting your turn at karaoke, for example.

      Here is Cambridge Dictionary’s synonym list for butterflies:[2]

      Butterflies are something a lot of people look for as a sign of ultimate compatibility in relationships. It is interesting to note that butterflies are actually not a pleasant feeling.

      In the Journal of Biomedical Science,[1] there is an article noting scientists’ fascination with the feeling of butterflies. The fact that people describe this feeling as being associated with the gut and not elsewhere led scientists to begin studying what is happening inside the body.  What is causing all these sensations?  

      Scientists have been chasing these metaphorical butterflies and their origins for over two decades.

      [Scientists] realized that this idiom may be associated with a feeling and sensation that is influenced by the commensal microbes in the gastrointestinal (GI) tract. Scientists have made amazing discoveries about understanding the importance of commensal gut microbes in host physiology and pathophysiology. [1]

      In other words, the feeling we call butterflies, originates in our stomach and is a response to things going awry in the GI tract, and there may or may not be an interplay between stress, microbiota, and behavior.  Kinda romantic, no?

      ************

      In Psychology Today, there is an article titled, Why Feeling Butterflies Doesn't Mean You're in Love... and why not feeling it may be a positive sign.

      I don’t know about you, but I wish I could have read this article 30 years ago. Marriage and Family Therapist Sheva Rajaee sums up the feeling of butterflies:

      "This feeling of butterflies has long been exalted as a reliable indicator that you had indeed found the right partner; that you had finally met your person. In popular culture and the media, it has become an indisputable barometer of chemistry, a surefire indicator that you have truly found 

      The One.

      But what if I were to tell you that butterflies were no more accurate a predictor of relational happiness than the fact that both you and your partner played soccer growing up or that you studied abroad in the same city during a semester in college—points of connection that are certainly exciting, but not necessarily indicative?"

      Rajaee continues to discuss how the feeling of butterflies does not necessarily correlate with long-term relationship satisfaction.[3] Instead, butterflies can often indicate the presence of anxiety over anything else.  Think about it... honestly... are butterflies a comfortable experience?

      Butterflies lead to excitement, nervousness, and big emotions (similar to anxiety) because the magical feeling of butterflies comes from the same part of our brain responsible for registering threats and fear: the amygdala. The amygdala is the part of our brain responsible for processing our emotions and for linking our emotions to our

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