Murder on the Spanish Seas

PROLOGUE

Fortunately for me, it was July in Spain, and the water was a comfortable seventy degrees. What wasn’t fortunate was landing in it from the foredeck of the cruise ship on which I had, until very recently, been a passenger. Hitting the ocean from seventy feet up was like smacking into concrete. I felt the bones in my right foot crack as I entered the water. Damn it.

My foot was useless but I kicked painfully up to the surface, sucking in mouthfuls of air as I broke through. I lay floating on my back, catching my breath, and feeling lucky I’d landed in the water and not on the dock on the other side of the ship.

As my head started to clear, I realized I was clutching something in my hand that had survived the fall. It was a small black box.

I was looking at the box and piecing together what happened when I heard splashing. Another body burst through the water close by, and then a powerful male hand grabbed my non-broken foot and pulled. I got a mouthful of water as he dragged me toward him. When I was close enough, he reached for my arm and then my hand, his strong fingers prying mine from the box.

I held on as we thrashed in the water. After a few moments, he stopped trying to pull my fingers away and instead crushed them around the box. I felt my hand collapse under the pressure and we both sank again below the surface.

DAY ONE

ONE

On the list of the places I never expected to be, this had to rank in the top five. Or maybe it’s the bottom five. I’m not sure how that works.

Not that Barcelona isn’t nice. It’s an interesting city, and its Palacruceros Terminal isn’t bad, as far as port terminals go. But taking an ultra-luxury cruise had never been part of my plans.

I’d been on board the Gold Sea Explorer for about an hour and was on the deck, leaning against the railing. Things had been calm, but I was now looking down at a disturbance in the terminal that was rapidly turning into something more serious.

A group of twenty or so men at the security checkpoint on the quay were forcing themselves into the boarding area. They pushed and shouted as security staff ran toward them from all directions of the pier. Passengers scattered as staff wielding batons and talking into radios tried to form a circle around the mob. Just when they seemed to be gaining control of things, two of the men broke through the ring and then the flimsy security gate. As they ran through the roped-off area toward the gangway, embarking passengers dropped their hand luggage and fled. On the gangway, the cruise ship staff who had been welcoming passengers backed off, leaving the men a free route to board. It wasn’t clear where the men were going, and I was wondering if it was time to relocate myself.

I’d been reluctant to go on this trip. It was a gift from my best friend, Sam, and while the idea of being stuck on a ship for ten days with hundreds of people was closer to my own version of hell than a vacation, the fact that I was recently unemployed made accepting a gift of the world’s most expensive luxury cruise a fairly easy decision.

As I watched the two men run up to the gangway, I was questioning that decision. I looked behind me to see if I had a clear path to the rear of the ship.

"Gelditu!" a deep male voice boomed from the top of the gangway.

Both men stopped in their tracks and looked up at a uniformed man blocking the entrance to the ship.

The pause gave the pursuing security staff a chance to catch up and they tackled the men to the ground. As they were handcuffed and led away, the man who had yelled a command at them turned and headed back inside. As quickly as it had started, things settled back down.

I looked out over the boarding area, scanning the recovering mob of people for Sam. It didn’t take long to spot her. She’d made it through the security gate and was cutting a path through the crowd with a team of porters struggling under her baggage. Her brightly colored bikini top, wraparound skirt, sunglasses, and one of those hats with the very wide brims that you imagine movie stars wearing all looked perfectly natural on her. I saw her start up the gangway and waved and smiled.

My smile faded fast when I saw what she was carrying. Her two-year-old Chinese Crested dog, Chaz, sat in her arms. Chaz was seven pounds of pure ugly, and it was always a shock to see the two of them together. Imagine Elizabeth Hurley cuddling with Jabba the Hut and you get the idea. Sam was tall and stunning, with long brown hair, high cheekbones, and olive skin that reflected her ancestry. Chaz looked like the canine version of end-stage Regan in The Exorcist. Gray and hairless save for a Dr. Seuss tuft of hair on his head, he had an unnaturally long tongue that had taken up permanent residence outside his mouth, which was bursting with crooked and gapped teeth. His look was capped off with demonic eyes that bulged out of his face like damp, gangrenous growths.

Sam looked up to me and waved. The railing was crowded with passengers, but this was definitely a one of these things is not like the other situation, and when she made it to my deck, it was easy for her to pick me out. At thirty I was younger than most of the other passengers, and as far as I could tell, none of the other women were wearing jeans and a T-shirt. And unlike many on this trip, I was decidedly not Mediterranean-looking. In addition to my love of whiskey, my Irish roots had provided me with straight dark hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. I guess I look OK. Not like Sam, but passable, in a Debra Winger sort of way.

Sam gave me a warm but careful don’t-crush-the-dog hug as Chaz growled a warning. I did everything I could to avoid those potentially dangerous teeth, although it’s unlikely he could bite through anything, given that the upper and lower sets didn’t look like they would ever actually meet each other. I honestly don’t know how he managed to eat.

She saw the look on my face. I had to bring him. The other dogs pick on him when I’m gone.

That’s because they know he represents an existential threat to their gene pool.

Sam has six dogs and numerous cats, all rescues, and I was on great terms with all of them except for Tiny Torquemada, who hated me with a fiery passion.

I thought they didn’t let pets on board.

He has his own quarters and a full-time attendant.

Of course he did.

We made our way to the elevator that would take us to our suite. The cruise line catered to the wealthy, and this particular ship to the fabulously wealthy. Sam and I were staying in the Neptune suite, of which there was only one, and it took up almost all of deck fourteen at the very top of the ship. I’d gotten a quick look at it when I boarded earlier. It included three bedrooms and two bathrooms on an upstairs floor, connected to the lower floor by an open spiral staircase running through the center. The living area on the main floor featured Bugatti couches and various other designer furniture arranged around a coffee table, a fully stocked kitchen and teak-trimmed wet bar, a $250,000 Steinway piano, and a 1,000-square-foot balcony that wrapped around the suite, providing a view of most of the ship and a near 360-degree view around it.

The suite was also equipped with a steward call system. Every room had a $3,500 Ming call unit that looked like a squat salt shaker, if that salt shaker was gold-trimmed, leather-covered titanium with Gold Sea Explorer embossed across the top. When pushed, it summoned our own private concierge, Benat, who’d escorted me to our suite earlier. To his credit, and the credit of the English butler school from which he’d no doubt matriculated, the Holy mother of fuck I’d uttered when seeing the suite hadn’t fazed him in the least.

Sam had thought I needed to get away, and she’d been right. I’d been working the last few years as an investigator and expert witness in corporate malfeasance cases, which is normally about as action-packed as it sounds. But my most recent trial had simultaneously turned me into a household name and left me jobless. Jesse O’Hara, Financial Investigations, was now Jesse O’Hara, Unemployed. Again.

The case involved Capitalon, a global finance and investment corporation whose stock value had skyrocketed in the last couple of years, primarily based on a combination of their charismatic celebrity CEO Joshua Bistek and what turned out to be massive corporate fraud. Bistek’s involvement alone had made the case high-profile, must-watch TV, and I was the prosecution’s star witness.

My expertise is in forensic accounting and finance. I’m something of a whiz with numbers and can cruise through financial reports and spot irregularities that tell me a story very quickly. I’m also good on a witness stand, and had been in growing demand by prosecutors. I fit the bill as an expert witness with PhD credentials and the ability to accurately recall details while impressing juries with unemotional testimony. But I’d had trouble maintaining the requisite stoic demeanor in this case. Jason Bistek was a self-absorbed, incompetent assbag, and as the walking stereotype of the out-of-control nouveau riche, he’d had little time to actually run the company, leaving it in the hands of his ethically-challenged CFO who’d been manipulating the books to show profits that didn’t exist on investments that never happened. They’d squandered millions, and caused thousands of people to lose their jobs.

The last two days of the trial had been a slog of tedious cross examination by the defense team, all ten of them, and I was starting to lose my shit. Bistek had zero business skills, and in response to the hundredth question from the defense about whether or not he was really that incompetent, I’d blurted out to the court and the world, He’s a complete fucking idiot. Asking Joshua Bistek to run a multibillion-dollar global organization is like asking a baby to build a space shuttle.

The crowded courtroom had broken into laughter and social media went nuts, leading to an explosion of memes featuring babies and space shuttles. But as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I knew I’d blown it. As an expert witness it doesn’t pay to be hyperbolic, and in the wake of the trial my business had completely dried up.

It was too bad, because I was really good at this, described by people in the industry as being a tough and unflappable witness (true) that didn’t pull any punches (also true) with a photographic memory (kind of true). I do have an unnaturally good eye for details and near-perfect recall, which pairs nicely with an unrelenting inquisitive streak. I also have something of a sixth sense when it comes to knowing when people are lying or hiding things, an artifact of my natural distrust of humans in general.

In shocking and unrelated news, I’m currently single.

We made it to our suite and Sam was checking out the rooms. She looked pleased, which meant something as she’d been taking cruises since she was a kid. I’m a little surprised you made it, she called over her shoulder as she opened the door to the balcony. Sam knew my opinion of cruises (large-scale E. coli delivery systems) and up to now my sole experience with them had been numerous viewings of The Poseidon Adventure and Titanic.

The only reason I agreed to this was because you told me Ryan Reynolds was going to be here. And you said the magic words.

She turned to me and raised an eyebrow.

Seven bars.

She laughed. Dinner in an hour, after the muster drill?

Sure. What’s a muster drill?

It’s a safety drill. We’re required to go through it before the ship leaves port. They’ll let us know when it starts. It should be soon. She stepped out onto the balcony.

Chaz followed her, taking a moment to turn and growl a warning at me in case I was thinking about joining them. He was putting me on notice that us being on vacation did not mean he was taking a vacation from hating me.

TWO

We’d been in our room a short while when the announcement that the muster drill would be starting came over the ship’s PA system. A few minutes later there was a series of loud bells. Benat came to our door and escorted us down to our designated muster station next to the railing on the pool deck. Directly above us were a set of lifeboats I hoped we wouldn’t be using.

We were joined by passengers from decks thirteen, twelve, and eleven, and we all listened to instructions delivered over the PA system while the crew member who would be responsible for getting us into the lifeboats demonstrated the procedure.

I was leaning against the railing, looking out at the terminal that was now almost empty. This is fine, but what’s the rush for the drill? We’ve barely had time to check out our rooms.

Sam was watching the demonstration. Without turning around, she said, "It used to be that they were required to hold the drills within twenty-four hours of departure. But since the Costa Concordia incident, they now do them before the ship leaves the dock."

"The Concordia?"

Yes, a cruise ship in Italy. It sank shortly after leaving port, so none of the passengers knew where to go or what to do. A number of people died.

OK then. I turned away from the railing and paid a little more attention to the spiel, which turned out not to be that bad. I was surprised when they said it was over. The whole thing had taken less than ten minutes.

That was relatively painless, I said as we walked back to the elevator.

Good thing. We’ll be going through that twice a day for the duration of the cruise.

What?

She pushed the button to our floor. Yes, at seven a.m. and ten p.m. Passengers are required to be reasonably sober for those drills, so you’ll need to be careful.

"What?!" We hadn’t left port yet, and there was still time for me to get off the ship. I’d get my bags later.

Sam saw the expression on my face and started to laugh.

You’re kidding, right? Please tell me you’re kidding.

She nodded, laughing too hard to answer.

We parted ways at the suite, her to unpack and get ready for dinner, and me to wander around the ship. This particular cruise line was especially known for its very high-end food and alcohol, which I decided was time to confirm via my own market research. My heart was still pounding from the scare of twice-daily sober muster drills, and an aperitif or two would be just what the doctor ordered.

Elevators linked the passenger decks, but I took the stairwell down to deck eight, which on the ship’s plan posted in our room looked to be the center of things. Opening the door to the deck, I found myself in the center vestibule of rich people’s Wonderland. The sweeping atrium spanned ten levels, and an ornate staircase wound up through the middle of it, rising through the levels, upon which were a variety of shops, restaurants, and bars. Passengers glided by the full-length windows, examining tchotchkes and menus posted on the glass, everything surrounded by glittering soft lights and gold trim. It made the Poseidon’s grand ball room look like a high school gym on prom night, although a giant Christmas tree could still do a lot of damage in this place.

I wandered up the gently sloped staircase, looking in on a few of the ship’s bars. They were already filling up with boisterous plutocrats. Everyone looked happy, expectant, and eager to mingle with each other, so I moved on.

The passengers were what you would expect on a luxury cruise. Everywhere I looked it was Versace this, and Gucci that, and the women and most of the men were wearing jewelry that represented more money than I would make in a lifetime. From the snatches of conversations I picked up, it was a diverse crowd of blue bloods, including Spanish, French, and English, both British and American versions. I know this as I’ve traveled a lot and am pretty good at recognizing languages. Not that I’m fluent in any of them, but I’m comfortable ordering beer and cursing in at least eight. As far as I could tell, no one was cursing or ordering beer at the moment.

The international flavor of the passengers was a benefit, as I like being around people from different countries, largely because if I can’t speak their language, I’m under no obligation to talk to them. And while I really appreciated Sam’s gesture behind gifting me the cruise, it represented more of her preference than mine. Sam’s the world’s biggest extrovert. She loves meeting people, finds something to like in most of them, and expects that everyone will like her back, which is not a bad assumption, as just about everybody does. My people world is limited to a small number of close family and friends, a few who like me and the rest who are obligated to.

The upper decks seemed to be filling up fast, so I migrated downward. I found what I was looking for on the lowest level of the atrium. Deck four included a theater and an ice skating rink, but no restaurants or clubs, and only one small pub. Between the theater and the rink was one unadorned hallway, down which I could see a few doors that looked like offices. Unlike the other bars and restaurants, there was no floor-length window in front of the pub, just a small pane of frosted glass.

I entered to a dimly lit space with dark walls surrounding a leather-lined bar, behind which was a selection of high-end labels. More importantly, it was completely empty except for the bartender. I took one of the eight seats and ordered a Jameson.

Jameson Rarest Vintage Reserve? The bartender’s name was Enzo, evident by the large name tag he and every other crew member were wearing.

Yes, thanks. Make it a double.

No way the Vintage Reserve was part of their regular stock. Sam thinks of everything. I absentmindedly touched the four-inch scar on my forehead, mostly hidden by my hair, that marked the starting point of my friendship with her.

Enzo poured a healthy shot and set it in front of me. Good bartenders know when you just want to be left alone and he didn’t bother me with small talk, thereby guaranteeing us a close, ten-day relationship.

I sat there thinking about the trouble at the boarding area. The ship had left port since then, so whoever had caused the problem was a safe distance away at this point, probably locked up and maybe facing jail time. Likely a local disturbance, but it would be something to look into. I was already wondering what I was going to do on the ship for ten days, and it might help relieve the boredom to have something interesting to occupy my mind.

My thoughts were interrupted by a man and a woman entering the bar. I’d seen the woman board earlier. She was in her sixties or so, and like everyone else on this cruise, except for me, clearly from a lot of money. Maybe it was because I was on a cruise ship, but she reminded me of Shelly Winters—a little overweight but sturdy, her hair artfully styled and a blonde-orange color that most likely came from a hairdresser. Her makeup was classic and understated, with a modest amount of color framing her ice blue eyes. She was wearing an expensive-looking light green skirt, blouse, and jacket set, accessorized by what looked like a 500-carat wedding ring on a fleshy white finger that bulged around it. I’d seen her board the ship with the man she was with now, along with a young woman I assumed was her granddaughter.

The man was middle-aged, and they seemed familiar. A son, maybe? He had dark brown hair in a buzz cut, thick eyebrows, very dark brown eyes, and a large nose that looked like it had been broken a few times. Possibly at the same time he acquired the prominent scar that ran from just outside his left eye down to his chin. He was plainly dressed in a dun pullover, dark cargo pants, and functional-looking boots. Even under his loose clothes I could see he was powerfully built. He carried a small black backpack over his shoulder that he set on the floor when they took their seats at the bar. His expression was intense, and they seemed to be arguing in what sounded like Russian.

The woman ordered and the bartender put two shot glasses in front of them, along with a fairly spectacular glass bottle in the shape of a skull. Very cool, if a little creepy looking. The bartender poured two shots and they both drank.

They talked in low tones for several minutes, the discussion gradually growing more heated, and his voice increased in volume until he was nearly shouting at her. To her credit, the woman didn’t back down. She calmly responded without raising her voice.

At one point, the man leaned into the woman’s face, practically spitting at her. Out of nowhere, her hand came up and slapped him hard on the cheek. The crack echoed in the small space.

Whoa. This trip might be more interesting than I thought.

The man stopped, stunned. I wondered what kind of medical services were on this ship, because if this guy punched her back she’d end up at least unconscious.

The old girl had a pretty good right hand, and his face was already starting to show her handprint. He looked like he was going to explode, and I waited for his retaliation, but to my surprise he leaned back and just glared at her. He checked his watch, then smacked his hand hard on the bar and left the pub.

The woman was red-faced but composed. She nodded at Enzo, who poured her another shot. She drank it immediately and got up to leave, heading straight for the door and not acknowledging that there was anyone else in the room.

I looked at Enzo, who shrugged. Maybe this was standard behavior on cruise ships.

I finished my drink and debated having another. Like a lot of high-end luxury cruises, this one was all-inclusive. We could eat and drink whatever we wanted to with impunity. But I had ten days to get my money’s worth, so I decided to head back to our suite.

On the way out, I saw the Russian man leaning against the wall. His eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply. After a few breaths, his face adopted a bland expression, and he opened his eyes. I expected him to go to the elevator, or the central stairs, but instead he went down the little unadorned hallway and stopped near one of the doors. In a short while it opened and a crew member came out. They seemed to know each other, at least well enough to have a conversation. They shook hands.

No, not shaking hands. It looked like he handed the crew member something. From where I was standing it looked like an envelope. Then he took the backpack off of his shoulder and handed that over as well. The crew member took the backpack and went back through the door. The Russian watched it close behind him, and then turned and walked to the elevators.

What was that about?

He hadn’t looked at all like he had in the pub with the woman. Instead of angry, he was more … businesslike. But what kind of business could he have with a crew member four hours into the trip?

It didn’t take much to ignite my healthy, some would say pathological, curiosity. And once that happened, it demanded to be satisfied. Sam said I was a slave to it. Maybe, but it made me a good investigator. Well, a good former investigator.

Who was this guy, and what had he said to get smacked in the face? And why was he giving things to a crew member? I wanted to follow the crew member to see if I could get a look in the backpack, but there was a key pad next to the door he’d gone through, and I didn’t have the code. I decided to tail the Russian for a few minutes to see what else he was up to.

I watched him get in the elevator and waited to see where it stopped. Twelfth deck. One of the pool levels, and the highest outside deck on the ship. I quickly walked up the atrium stairs to level ten and took the stairwell the rest of the way.

This pool deck was set up in two half levels. The pool itself was on deck twelve, but a shallow set of stairs led up to an additional sunning platform toward the rear of the ship. The platform was full of lounge chairs that were in the process of emptying out as everyone headed in for dinner. Behind the lounge chairs was the ship’s funnel, a typically iconic feature on cruise ships. This one was no different. While our vessel was relatively small, carrying only two hundred very wealthy, versus a more standard two thousand not-so-wealthy passengers, they hadn’t skimped on the funnel. It was the ship’s dominant feature, rising from the deck to well above the top of the ship like a giant blue-green winged bird, if that bird were a Transformer.

I got to the deck just in time to see the Russian disappear behind it. I followed up the short set of stairs to the lounge