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    Fart Quest: The Troll's Toe Cheese
    Fart Quest: The Troll's Toe Cheese
    Fart Quest: The Troll's Toe Cheese
    Ebook240 pages2 hours

    Fart Quest: The Troll's Toe Cheese

    By Aaron Reynolds and Cam Kendell

    4.5/5

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    About this ebook

    “If you love fantasy, funny humor, flatulence, and friends, then Aaron Reynolds has written the perfect book for you!” —DAN SANTAT, author of The Aquanut, Sidekicks, and The Adventures of Beekle

    Fart Quest: The Troll's Toe Cheese is the fourth book in a hilarious Dungeons & Dragons inspired series by New York Times bestselling author Aaron Reynolds.

    They've destroyed an evil creature with stink gas, collected barf from a truly hideous monster, and dug through a dragon's dookie for magical treasure. Now, Fart, Pan, Moxie, and TickTock are facing their scariest challenge yet—an angry mom!

    The Great and Powerful Kevin has promised Pan, who lost her mother when she was a baby, that she could see her mom one last time. But instead, shes sees a distorted spirit of her mother, transformed into an evil creature bent on revenge against those who caused her death.

    Meanwhile, some new information comes to light, and Fart and friends head out on a rescue mission. Deep within the goblin caves, they search for evidence of their long lost masters, facing goblins, fire rats, floor fiends, and a troll with some seriously disgusting toenails along the way.

    In this epic addition to the Fart Quest series, our adventurers discover that a true hero is not measured in the sum of their mistakes—but in the difference they make in spite of them.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMacmillan Publishers
    Release dateSep 20, 2022
    ISBN9781250206473
    Fart Quest: The Troll's Toe Cheese
    Author

    Aaron Reynolds

    Aaron Reynolds is a children’s ministry consultant, speaker, and workshop teacher whose mission is to equip teachers and churches to use the creative arts. He previously served as artistic director of Promiseland, the children’s ministry of Willow Creek. He has written and produced over 300 creative scripts and lessons for kids and is the author of several children’s books, including The Tale of the Poisonous Yuck Bugs, The Nineteenth of Maquerk, Breaking Out of the Bungle Bird, Chicks and Salsa, and the Tiger Moth series. He lives in the Chicago area with his wonderful wife, two great kids, and four neurotic cats.

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      Book preview

      Fart Quest - Aaron Reynolds

      CHAPTER ONE

      KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

      Try again, Fart, Moxie tells me.

      Yes, my name is Fart. Long story.

      KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

      Yes, I’m knocking on the door of a wizard’s tower. And yes, nobody is answering.

      A few months ago, my friends and I would have never banged so boldly on a wizard’s front door. Back then we were simple apprentices. Students. But when our masters bit the dust in a goblin attack gone wrong, we had a decision to make. Return to school, tails tucked between our legs? Or venture out into the Fourteen Realms and become the victorious heroes we were always meant to be?

      We chose: Victorious Heroes.

      We’ve traveled across yeti-infested wastelands. We’ve defeated a dragon. We’ve plumbed the depths of the dragon’s poo pile to obtain a rare and powerful artifact. We’ve commandeered a cool flying airship. And we have returned to this wizard’s tower … triumphant.

      SUPERHEROIC ACHIEVEMENT!

      Successfully Summarize Book 3!

      (400 Experience Points Awarded)

      But now we face our greatest obstacle yet: the Great and Powerful Kevin’s front door.

      KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

      The door flies open midwhack. And there’s the Great and Powerful Kevin. Looking super great. And super powerful. And super annoyed.

      Hey! he growls at us. Goobers! I am currently proofreading the single most important piece of nonfiction literature ever created. And all your door-whacking is clogging up my creative flow!

      He looks down at the phibling on the doorstep and a cocky grin spreads across his face.

      Aw, TickTock! Kevin exclaims. I had a feeling my little phibling would come crawling back to his old buddy Kevin.

      TickTock is not Kevin’s phibling! the phibling insists.

      Sure, pal, Kevin says, cracking his neck. I accept your apology. And your timing is perfect! I was just about to turn your old room into a yoga studio. But now you’re back! I admit it … I missed you. There. I said it.

      TickTock is not apolo—

      Yeah, yeah, the wizard says. Don’t go getting all mushy.

      His eyes scan the rest of us. So. I send you dudes to get me a little shiny bling-bling from a dragon’s lair, and you crawl back to me in defeat. Well, I guess there’s no shame in it. At least you’re still alive.

      Moxie steps up so she’s nose-to-belt-buckle with him. Not only are we alive, she says proudly. We slayed the dragon.

      Slayed the dragon! Kevin laughs. Sure, guys. Sure, sure. Of course you did.

      We did! I cry. We slayed Glacierbane! WITH CHEESE!

      Oh, yeah. I know! he says dramatically. And I invented oxygen while you were gone. See, I can play this game too!

      Kevin, it’s true, Pan begins. We—

      You know what? he says, cutting her off. "Doesn’t matter. I didn’t sign up for the two o’clock matinee of Story Hour with the Little Fibbers Gang. I didn’t send you to slay a dragon. I sent you to retrieve a supercharged magic item from a pile of dragon poo. That’s what I really care about. He rubs his hands together eagerly. So … did you accomplish my quest or not?"

      Pan huffs in frustration. But she reaches into her tunic and retrieves something sparkly.

      The necklace that once belonged to her mom.

      The enchanted necklace that draws her close to the memory of her mother.

      The necklace that was stolen by Seraphim the sneak thief, swallowed by Glacierbane the dragon, and supercharged by Glacierbane’s übermagical digestive enzymes.

      The necklace that we plucked from the dead dragon’s poo pile.

      That necklace.

      Pan holds it out. Not only did we slay the dragon, she says softly. We accomplished your quest.

      CHAPTER TWO

      You’re sure this came from a dragon’s poo pile? the wizard asks.

      Believe it, bub, I tell him. My nose is still recovering from the smell.

      Kevin goes instantly starry-eyed and snatches the necklace with a grubby hand.

      SUPERHEROIC ACHIEVEMENT!

      Deliver the Goods!

      (400 Experience Points Awarded)

      He stares at the necklace hungrily and then turns and disappears up a long hall.

      Hey! cries Moxie. Hold up there, Mr. Grabby Fingers! Let’s not forget your end of the bargain.

      Kevin’s end of the bargain is simple: We deliver this poop-powered necklace and Kevin lets Pan say a proper goodbye to her mom, who was killed by a manticore more than fifty years ago. He better have some great and powerful spell up his sleeve or else we’re going to have one seriously angry monk on our hands.

      But Kevin’s already disappearing through a doorway.

      We dash after him, going through the door, down a long winding set of stairs, and into a cavernous underground chamber. Little rat toes scuttle away as we follow.

      Moxie enters cautiously, gripping her hammer, her eyes scanning the dark corners for danger. But it’s a huge stone altar that grabs my attention.

      Kevin starts lighting candles and adjusting knobs on some weird contraption. He pulls a thick leatherbound journal from the depths of his robes and lays it on the altar before him, giddy with excitement.

      I gotta say, when you three first walked through my door months ago, I had serious doubts, he says over his shoulder. But you dudes have proved to be quite the little go-getters.

      He points a finger at the contraption in front of him. You got me my lamia fart. He pulls out a pair of safety goggles and pops them onto his head. You fetched me my bedazzler barf, he continues, and now, the pièce de résistance, he mutters with a grin. "That’s elvish for the third thingy."

      What is all this? I ask, staring around in amazement.

      Only the single coolest bit of magical experimentation that’s ever been done! he says

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