The Childhood Trauma Recovery Workbook for Adults: Interactive Exercises, Therapeutic Prompts, and CBT/DBT Strategies for Dealing with Depression, Anxiety, Shame, and Other Effects of Abuse

Introduction

As we grow through childhood, we hope to gain a sense of mastery over the world around us. Many of us live under the illusion that the future is ours for the taking, and that any hardships we confront along the way will work out well in the end. But some of us were raised in homes where emotional harm and/or physical abuse prevailed. We were hurt emotionally, physically, and even sexually. As a result, we developed a belief that the world is a dangerous place. We learned to surrender to the words and actions of caretakers or authority figures who made us see life through their negative, even hateful, eyes. Fear and trauma ignited deep within us, and we developed maladaptive ways of coping. As a result, the promise of a future filled with safety, security, and infinite opportunities for success turned into a myth or dream that only happened in other children’s lives.

Our attempts at healing are varied but often not successfully achieved. This is because healing from child abuse defies most typical efforts at psychotherapy, for the path to healthy functioning requires the expert understanding of a professional fluent in the language of trauma and loss. As survivors of abuse, we experience difficulties with our sense of self. We waver in our ability to trust in others, and we often find ourselves in relationships that are challenged by a fear of abandonment. This is happening because, at an age when our basic human needs for safety and security were supposed to be met, some of us experienced a rupture in the moral codes that were meant to keep us safe. Devoid of physical, emotional, and even sexual boundaries, we had little recourse but to submerge into an inner world of fear, confusion, and self-blame. Doubt, anger, guilt, and shame all began to coalesce beneath the surface of our seemingly normal childhood; but we felt far from normal on the inside.

These complicated emotions were eventually directed toward family members who accidentally activated, or triggered, our fear of closeness. To escape these emotions, some of us learned to become numb. We were seemingly able to switch off the noise around us and make our inner world fall to silence. Or, we may have felt as if we were breaking into small pieces. Fragmented memories and unexpected flashbacks developed, creating a sense that we were out of control. In the aggregate, all of us who were hurt as children experienced a loss of direction. Robbed of a safe home base, the future took on a new and uncharted course.

If this describes some of your experiences or emotions growing up, then this workbook is for you. Guided by cognitive behavioral theory, as well as narrative (post-modern) approaches to psychotherapy, this guide is designed to help you examine your own life stories and attempt to imbue them with new meaning. The goal is for you to become the expert of your own story. You will be given the chance to honor your own thoughts, feelings, and actions from new and healthier perspectives, so you may begin to recover your sense of identity and authenticity.

How to Use This Workbook

The curriculum in this workbook is written in an easy-to-use, personal format that is designed to educate and guide you as you embark on your healing journey. Each of the ten chapters contains important clinical information about child abuse, its effect on us as growing humans, and ways that we can all rise above our pain and sorrow. Embedded within the clinical content are thought-provoking questions that you will be prompted to answer, as well as mindfulness exercises that you can employ, as you move through the process. Take the time you need to respond to the questions and the exercises, and to reflect on how these activities make you feel. The process is to be approached at whatever pace feels right to you. Awareness comes slowly, and it requires patience and loving-kindness.

We (the authors) recommend that you go through the chapters in order, giving yourself time to process and reflect on the emotions that may arise. You may find it helpful to repeat some of the exercises or answer the questions several times. You may even discover that you want to spend extra time on a particular topic. This is your program. Take the time you need and remember, no one else has to read or listen to your personal work here unless you wish to share it. The journey upon which you are embarking respects that you are always the one in control.

Recovery from the trauma of child abuse is a delicate and loving process between patient and counselor, and the healing travels in both directions. You, the reader, have a story to tell—a story that is not only filled with pain, but also with wisdom and healing potential. We, the writers, have our own stories to tell, for we too are survivors. We will be with you as you work through the emotional material that lies before you. In working together like coauthors, a new story is being born, a story of self-love and love for others.

If you discover that you are feeling triggered, or emotionally activated, by any of the material, please remember to take a break. The information provided in this workbook can be highly stimulating. Thus, watch your pace; close the book when necessary and return when you feel strong again. In this manner, you will discover the therapeutic value that is inherent in the work.

It is also a good idea, if you are feeling triggered, to reach out to a trusted friend, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. When we allow our story to be heard by someone who has the ability to understand our pain, we discover the healing power of community. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

The theories, questions, and mindfulness techniques we offer in this workbook reflect our learnings from over 30 years of trauma therapy practice. In addition to the academic and empirical data offered, we provide wisdom gained through lived experience. Many lessons were learned through the hardships of surviving our own traumas, and from doing the work to heal. In addition, our patients and colleagues, as well as the pioneering work of esteemed leaders in the field of trauma research and therapy, have been our teachers. Specifically, interested readers are referred to the illustrious work of Erich Fromm, MD; Beverly James, LCSW; Judith Lewis Herman, MD; Bessel van der Kolk, MD; Marsha Linehan, MD; and journalist and writer Terry Philpot. In addition, we reference the spiritual and philosophical theories of Martin Buber, Viktor Frankl, and Carl Jung.

Tips for Practice

As you work your way through this book, keep several helpful points in mind:

Consider creating a schedule of when you will read and work through a chapter. This suggestion comes from research on emotion regulation, or the ability to control our emotional state. Specifically, when we are faced with a seemingly unending set of stimuli, we are more prone to feel anxious and out of control. The more we organize our day, the better we feel. Therefore, create a structured plan for approaching this work. You will be more capable of regulating the feelings of anxiety that may arise.

You will be introduced to many new exercises and techniques for addressing your deep feelings from the past. Allow ample time to digest the content of each question and exercise. Remember, the questions and exercises are guidelines only. Feel free to adapt them in ways that work best for you.

After completing an exercise, consider closing the book and reflecting upon what you just experienced. Offer yourself moments of self-care, which may include a long walk or other ways of experiencing the elements of nature. Research reveals that this helps to oxygenate the blood and rejuvenate the neurotransmitters in the brain.¹

Take your time. This is not a course of study that comes with a final examination, nor is there a graduation day. Every day offers new opportunities for learning and growing. If you push yourself too hard or read through the material too quickly, it will likely not offer you the benefits you seek.

You may feel a need to pass over sections of the material that provoke discomfort. This is okay. You can always come back to them later if you wish.

You may want to do some of these exercises, or answer some of the questions, in the presence of a therapist. This may allow you the opportunity to dig deeper into a memory or feeling, and you will have the support and guidance of a trained professional to help structure your exploration.

If you do not attend psychotherapy, consider reaching out to a therapist for a few sessions. Developing a therapeutic alliance reminds us that we are not alone on this journey, and it ensures that the path we are on will contain the wisdom of someone who knows the way.

We encourage you to read additional material relating to the issues that arise through your healing journey. This increases your awareness and allows you to develop greater skills acquisition.

There is no wrong way to answer the questions in this book. The journey you are undertaking is an initiation into a new way of living. You are reading this book because you are interested in gaining the wisdom that comes through facing pain. And this is a courageous decision. If you think you are doing any of the work wrong, just remember: It is a downward path toward growing up.²

The way to healing is not always the typical; but as long as you stay the path, you are healing.

Maintain contact with people who have been through a similar journey. Establishing healthy and nurturing relationships breaks the constriction and isolation you may feel when you are working through past traumas. Support groups have been established and designed for survivors of child abuse. Some are quite helpful for they offer a chance to speak a common language with others who are, or once were, in a similar place.

Do not be surprised if you run into resistance from friends who do not understand this journey. Many will tell you to get over the pain, rather than appreciate your need to get through it. Try to find solace in the presence of one friend who understands your involuntary, almost compulsive, need to journey through the darkness to a place of light.

In telling your story in a safe context, you will discover the love that comes from honest sharing. Try to gift your healthy friends with your love and allow them to honor you with their love in return. You are growing and learning, changing into a healthier version of yourself. The work is hard, but the rewards are many, for the love that awaits you is filled with the light you were always meant to receive.

As You Begin Your Journey

The development of the material in this workbook is the result of our continued efforts to grow through our own journeys of recovery. It is our willingness to share our experiences, as well as the wisdom we have gained along the way, that has made this project a reality. Our belief is that healing is possible. When we commit to the work, connect with others who were once where we are now, and hold onto a faith in a higher power or a higher self, we will discover the transformation that healthy love creates.

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Anger and Hatred

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will