Torn Between Two Lovers: Ministry vs Family

Contents

Acknowledgements..........................................5

Preface.........................................................7

Introduction...................................................9

Chapter 1...God versus Man...............................13

Chapter 2...The Call.........................................23

Chapter 3...Why Me? Because You Are  

Anointed.......................................42

Chapter 4....An Acceptable Sacrifice.....................52

Chapter 5....Understanding my Position.................63

Chapter 6....Family.........................................73

Chapter 7....Ministry........................................79

Chapter 8....Torn between Family and Ministry........89

Chapter 9... Difference between Holy Spirit Convictions

and Demonic Condemnation..............106

Chapter 10...The Life That Pleases God................116

Chapter 11...The Importance of Meditating on the Word

of God.......................................127

Chapter 12...Breaking the Chains of Tradition........136

Chapter 13... What Happens when you are Misunderstood

for Living a Saved Life.....................148

Chapter 14...Don’t Lose Your Focus......................165

Chapter 15...Balancing Ministry and Family.............171

Summary.......................................................185

Acknowledgements

Giving all honor and glory to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, without Him I cannot do anything. I thank Him for entrusting me with the many gifts that He has bestowed upon me and within me. Jehovah Jireh, you are definitely my provider.

To my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Joseph and Joe Etta Williams, both of you are my inspiration. You have taught me not to settle for anything less. You also inspired me to excel beyond my potential and there is nothing too hard for God. Both of you have been a blessing in my life. To my daughter, Natasha, thank you for being by my side. My precious grandbabies, Jeremiah and Jaycee, you are my little munchkins. It is my prayer that I am living a Godly life and leaving a heritage, that you can live up to. I pray that I can always be a spiritual guide in your lives.

My five sisters and two brothers, I thank God he chose you to be my siblings, you guys are the best. To my oldest brother the late Robert Henry Joseph Sr., I miss you so much, but God had a better plan.  May God continue to bless each of you. Apostle Dr. Barbara Thomas my spiritual mother and bestie thanks for always praying for me and for the words of encouragement. You have no idea what it means to me.  Twenty years ago, you took me under your wing, nurtured and imparted words of wisdom into my life. When I wanted to give up, when times became hard, you said the right words to keep pushing me to go farther. You never allowed me to give up. I love you, more than words can say.

My other mother, Aunt Bessie Esters, you encouraged me to preach the word in season and out of season. I love you Auntie.

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Preface

Why I must tell my story?

I must tell my story, for the same reason the Bible was written, that, others may live. Every story in the Bible stands as a statue, telling us we can make it. I did! Others have! You will!  Some lives stand out more than others. Some are chosen to proclaim, "I did it, but I recovered and so will you. I have been healed and you can be healed also. I made it and you are going to make it, if you break the Chains of Tradition.

There are certain things that only certain people can do. Only a certain man, who gave two fish and five loaves of bread, knows what it means to sacrifice a lunch. He can tell you the importance of giving up something for the sake of others.  Only a Peter can minister to someone, who denies that he knows Jesus, yet has God’s call upon his life. Only a Paul can help you understand, what it is like to be blind, transformed and renewed, after breathing threats of murder. Only a Hosea can marry a woman, who has been with other men and yet show the meaning of true love.

This is precisely my story. I had to break the chains of tradition. I had to make a choice between ministry and family, yet not neglecting my family. I had to learn how to balance ministry and caring for my family at the same time. I am an instrument being used by God. I can only minister what I have been through, that is why I can minister to you. I have been there. I cannot take you somewhere, that I have not been myself.

Read with an open mind and be encouraged. No matter where you have been or what you have been through, let God touch and heal you. Remember, you can only give away what you possess. Once you have been saved, delivered and healed, you become a choice instrument, who can effectively minister to those in need.

Introduction

When we make a true commitment to walk in Godly love, it causes a huge shift in our lifestyle. Many of our ways, our thoughts, conversation and habits, have to change. For instance, we may be accustomed to spending all of our extra money on ourselves, only to discover that walking in love requires that sometimes, we spend it on others. We must have our minds renewed to the definition of love. Love is tangible; it is not a spiritual thing that cannot be seen or touched. It is evident to everyone, who we come in contact with. Love is a decision we make, a decision to treat people the way Jesus would treat them. Love is an action word.

However, what happens when you are torn between two lovers? The words to a song, "Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool, do you really feel like a fool? From my personal standpoint, I was at a crossroad, choosing between God and my family, both whom I love whole-heartily.

You are in love with God and your family at the same time. How can you balance and do the will of God, while not offending your family members? They really do not understand your walk and commitment to God.  A love walk does not come easily or without personal sacrifice.

Each time we choose to love someone, it will cost us something, for example, time, money and effort. Sure it is so easy to love our family, but some of them can be hard to love, due to their personalities, but we have to love them despite of how they act. We must learn that we are dealing with the spirit within the person, not the human side of the person. That’s why we are told to count up the cost, before we make the commitment to serve and love God with our whole heart.

It is easy not to have any contact with people we despise, because we are in the world. Yet it is so different when we become born again Christians. We must walk in Agape love. I was the type of person if you hurt or wronged me in any way; I cut you off, meaning I do not have to speak to you nor fellowship with you, that was my way of punishing the other person. Now that I am saved it is another ballgame. We have to love and forgive the ones, who wronged us.

First Corinthians 14:1 says, eagerly pursue and seek to acquire [this] love [make it your aim, your great quest]. We need to pursue Agape love with all our might and act as if we cannot live without it! The word pursue means to follow in an effort to capture or overtake. The word seek means to try to find or discover; search for.

The love between family and ministry can be, somewhat, complicated, if you don’t know how to balance the two. Some people will place all their strength and time in ministry and neglect their family and vice versa; this strategy is not of God. God is a God of balance and He honors family, just as well as ministries.  There is a stronghold of fear, when an individual chooses to please another individual, situation, place or thing over God. It is a destructive habit that continues to drain an individual to become pleasing to that particular individual or thing. Do you have the fear of not doing enough or not being enough?

Let’s discuss people pleasing People pleasers must constantly come up with ideas to maintain how they can stay in the realm of not disappointing anyone, they basically do not care about themselves, they only concentrate on how they can please the individual and gain the accolades that are so important to them.

Individuals can become slaves to pleasing others. Yes, they are puppets. If their performance is not correct or satisfying to the individual, they will beat themselves emotionally, trying to make up for the disappointment or the mishap that has occurred. This is an unhealthy task, in the spiritual and natural realm.

I was a people pleaser at one time. I had convinced myself it was a good thing. On the positive side, I tend to be the peace maker, (please do not be mad at me or anyone else), and on the negative side, I tend to be a feeling stuffer, (if I tell you how I really felt, then you really wouldn’t like me). As I became more intense with studying the Bible, I discovered that people pleasing is a stronghold that interferes with my relationship with God. Ultimately, my focus has to be on pleasing God and God alone. 

If I am walking in His obedience, then all else becomes a side note or secondary. Obeying God is number one. Does this mean relationships are insignificant and we ignore life’s obligations and the hurting people around us? Absolutely not. It does mean, when I focus on pleasing God, then the actions overflows to those around me. I don’t have to try so hard to be what everyone wants me to be. I can hear the voice of God regarding any situation.

If I am His, and if I am what my Heavenly Father say I am, then I can live and please Him only and others will follow the pattern. In addition, my fulfillment and feelings of self –worth would not be reliant on other people. I will be completely satisfied in Him and Him alone. His Grace will be sufficient for me and His power will be made perfect, whenever I am weak.

Chapter 1

God versus Man

Born and reared in the Baptist church, where I sang in the choir, attended Sunday school and worked in various ministries, in the church, my passion was and still is singing. I was one of the church soloists for many years. Anytime a song leader was needed, I would raise my hand. I attended church faithfully, not to worship and praise God, but for the attention and the exaltation I would receive from the congregation, on how well I had sung today. I had the complex of pleasing people, making sure they were happy.

I thought I was saved, because I was taught once you are baptized, accepted Jesus as your personal savior, you are automatically going to heaven. It didn’t matter that I was still smoking cigarettes, drinking, partying, gambling, using profanity, fornicating, basically I was still doing the things of the world. I was saved, but not delivered!

All I had to do was repent and God will forgive me, but I went back and did the same thing again and again until I became bored and tired. Within the course of my sins, there wasn’t any conviction in my heart, so in my own mind it didn’t bother me. I didn’t care. I was in the spotlight. 

In 1993, I was invited to a deliverance service. I didn’t know anything about the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues, or the laying of hands. As I was sitting there, the people were dancing, (this was not a secular dance), and they were dancing in the Spirit. They were lifting their hands, speaking in another language, with such sincerity on their faces. I said, What have this person got me into? This was new to me, even the music was different.

I have never witnessed the Spirit of God move and overshadow people like He did that night. The topic was Is Your Life Pleasing to God? As the Woman of God began to minister, the words penetrated and convicted my heart, but not my Spirit, it only brought fear. The realization came to me that I was pleasing man and not sacrificing myself to please God. Everything I was doing was in vain and I was glorifying myself, by pleasing the flesh of others.

The Apostle Paul said,

"Howbeit then, when ye knew not God, ye did service unto them which by nature are no gods. But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, where unto ye desire again to be in bondage.

Galatians 4:8-9 KJV 

Apostle Paul was saying to the Galatians, "Now that you know God, why do you keep turning back to the ones that had once enslaved you?  We can ask ourselves the same question.  

The answer is the approval of man, in the flesh feels good. Everything that is done in the flesh is pleasurable. Pleasing man is a bondage we fall into. When the Galatians were pagans, they thought that the beings they worshiped were gods; but when they became Christians, they learned better.

Your Flesh Has One Job!

We were born and wrapped in flesh for one purpose. The body was created, not only to house the organs we need to live, but it was also created to house the Anointing and the Spirit of God. If the people of God would recognize that we do not owe the flesh an explanation, we would begin to walk in the liberty that Jesus purchased for us. My flesh has one job and one job only-to house the Anointing and Spirit of God, that man may see God through flesh.

For some people, the flesh is their God. They answer and respond to the flesh. They even worship the flesh. In the flesh, we become out of control. We can’t allow the flesh to rule us, because it is the enemy of God. That was my problem. I loved God, but I also loved the things that were pleasing to my flesh.

For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you.

Romans 8:6-9a KJV

Two mind-sets are described here: that of the sinful nature and that of the Spirit. The former leads to death, the latter to life and peace.  The sinful nature is bound up with death, hostility to God, insubordination and unacceptability to God. If a person does not possess the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, he or she does