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    D'you Remember Yer Man?: A Portrait of Dublin's Famous Characters
    D'you Remember Yer Man?: A Portrait of Dublin's Famous Characters
    D'you Remember Yer Man?: A Portrait of Dublin's Famous Characters
    Ebook187 pages3 hours

    D'you Remember Yer Man?: A Portrait of Dublin's Famous Characters

    By Bobby Aherne and Ruan van Vliet

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    About this ebook

    From lovable oddballs and quirky miscreants to out-and-out chancers and the certifiably insane, the streets of Dublin have been filled with an eclectic cast of characters down through the years. D'You Remember Yer Man? is aided by comic illustrations from Ruan van Vliet asBobby Aherne relates the stories of over 100 of the city's most eccentric inhabitants - the likes of Bang Bang and Hairy Yank, Shellshock Joe and Endymion. The resulting anecdotes are often hilarious and other times tragic, but always fascinating, providing an insight into the people who have passed into Dublin Folklore.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherNew Island
    Release dateOct 24, 2014
    ISBN9781848403789
    D'you Remember Yer Man?: A Portrait of Dublin's Famous Characters

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      Book preview

      D'you Remember Yer Man? - Bobby Aherne

      Aidan Walsh

      Aidan Walsh, the self-proclaimed ‘Master of the Universe,’ was born in 1954 and attended Cork’s Lota School for Boys, which he ultimately ran away from to follow his dream of becoming – in his words – ‘the head guy over the army.’ Walsh never received his promotion. After marching in a few military parades, he complained of sore feet and was discharged in 1972.

      He arrived in Dublin not long before the entirety of Temple Bar was due to be razed in order to make way for a new bus terminal. In the meantime, the decrepit buildings were being rented out for next to nothing, encouraging an influx of artists and musicians to the area. Aidan and his pal Paddy Dunning took advantage of the cheap rates being offered and founded Temple Lane Recording Studios and Rehearsal Rooms. While Dunning was the more level-headed of the pair, Walsh saw the project as an opportunity to try to net himself £100,000, which he claimed was the going rate for a German inventor’s groundbreaking latest invention – a metal suit that would enable to wearer to live for a million years. According to its creator, the allocated time would start ticking as soon as the user had activated the costume’s elixir-like properties… by filling it up with their own urine. As the music studio transpired to be a great success, we can only assume that Aidan got his suit and will be around to celebrate the coming of another thousand millennia. Interestingly, the activities of Dunning, Walsh and their contemporaries actually inspired Dublin City Council; as a result of all the young, creative types infesting the area, the planned bus station was scrapped and Temple Bar was officially designated ‘Dublin’s Cultural Quarter.’

      Walsh later set up a video production company. Callers to the advertised phone number got through to a busy Temple Bar pub, which Aidan used as his headquarters. Despite this slightly unprofessional touch, he managed to get hired to document a high society wedding – the union of a barrister and a solicitor. But his film-making career came to an abrupt end after he recorded the entire day’s proceedings and then realised that he’d forgotten to insert the tape.

      In 1987, he signed Ireland’s fastest ever record deal, thanks to his truly unique rendition of ‘The Hokey Cokey’. His debut album A Life Story of My Life was a minor hit, with songs such as ‘Kissin’ and Eatin’ with Women’, ‘I’m the World’s Greatest Bankrobber’ and ‘Laughing My Way Out of the Army’. Around this time, it became common to see Walsh dressed in a gold suit with a cape wrapped around him and a turban on his head, riding a white horse around town.

      He drew up plans to have a building on Aston Quay turned into a ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Hotel’, with a direct underground link to Dublin Airport to grant A-list celebrities a paparazzi-free journey to and from the city. For the safety of his clientele, he also proposed a nuclear shelter to be built in front of the hotel, under the River Liffey. His ludicrous, impossible bid of £3,000,000 for the premises led to an actual bidding war with one of the world’s richest and most powerful men. Richard Branson, however, had no idea that he was competing against Aidan Walsh, so he kept offering more money. As you can imagine, it wasn’t long before the latest branch of Virgin Megastore was opening on Walsh’s dream site. On the first day of business, a disgusted Walsh, on horseback, led a procession of his fans, wearing luminous buckets on their heads, along the quays and into the shop. His stallion then emptied its bowels all over the freshly-carpeted music store. Branson’s shop went out of business in 2002; ‘The Rock ‘n’ Roll Hotel’ remains to be built.

      In 1997, Walsh ran for election to the Dáil. Alas, he came in with just 0.12% of the public vote, losing out to one Bertie Ahern. Although he may not have been democratically elected as leader of Ireland, he is still universally recognised as the Master of the Universe.

      Aidan Walsh

      All Parcels

      B ack in the day, waste paper had a value around Dublin that today’s unemployed recyclers could only dream about. A decent sackful of expired newspapers was worth a few coppers down at the lumberyard, which would help keep you in tea and bread for another day. At a time when jobs and money were as scarce as each other, collecting paper proved to be the only source of income for some of the city’s poorest citizens. Things got even more competitive when youngsters joined in, trying to cobble together enough money for a Saturday afternoon double bill down at one of the local picture-houses.

      Unable to imagine a luxury such as the cinema was one old beggar woman, whose reliance on this way of life meant that people referred to her as ‘All Parcels’. In the 1930s, it was a familiar sight to see her traipsing around Thomas Street and James’s Street all day every day, gathering up every last scrap of paper she spotted. What was even more unique about her was the fact that, rather than carelessly tossing everything into a big bag, she’d delicately fold her harvest into neat little parcels, which she tucked under her arms to facilitate their transportation.

      A lot of the locals felt great pity for All Parcels, but this pity was always accompanied by a pang of admiration for the fact that a desperate soul like her could fulfil her tedious daily duties with such panache.

      All Parcels

      Annie Fruitcake

      I wish I were able to tell you that Annie Fruitcake earned her pseudonym because she was a fantastic baker who loved to give free samples of her wares to all of her neighbours. Alas, there is no evidence to suggest that she was a confectioner of any sort. Her name derived from the dual facts that she was christened ‘Annie’ by her parents and that she was as nutty as a fruitcake.

      She used to sit on a rock all day, asking passers-by where they lived and threatening to slit the throats of those privileged enough to live in a private house. The children who lived in the tenements could pass by her outpost without fearing for their lives, but the posh kids would make sure that they steered well clear of Annie Fruitcake and her curious ideals.

      The Bah Man

      The Bah Man was a sickly looking man in his thirties who sat on O’Connell Street sketching his surroundings all day, with his shiny red nose sticking out from beneath his peaked cap. In the evening, with all of his self-imposed artistic duties fulfilled for the day, he’d stroll up and down our main street hunting for prey.

      As soon as he spotted a few girls walking along together, he leapt out in front of them, flung his hands in the air and screamed the word ‘BAH!’ into their faces with terrifying volume. Usually a word lifelessly uttered in a blasé fashion to denote boredom or disinterest, The Bah Man can certainly be credited with breathing a new lease of life into the expression.

      Not that this vocabular reinvention ever impressed the girls whose paths he had crossed – they’d have to take a moment to post-traumatically collect themselves before continuing along their way. Laughing away delightedly, The Bah Man continued on his quest to scope out his next unwitting victims.

      Bang Bang

      During the 1950s and 1960s, a bedraggled man by the name of Thomas Dudley would regularly jump on-board the back of a bus, point his weapon at the driver’s head, bark at him to ‘keep driving’, and then open fire at fellow passengers and passing pedestrians. He sometimes spiced things up for his own amusement, playing a macabre little game where the goal was to shoot everyone on the lower deck before the conductor even had a chance to call for

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