Being Pyotr Ilyich

Chris Nielsen

BEING PYOTR ILYICH

Tchaikovsky’s Inner Life,

Revealed by Himself 130 Years Later

Foreword by Daniel Meurois

English translation: Viviana Zimbilschi – Serdeleanu

Proofreading: Giles Eldridge

Bucharest, 2023

Chris Nielsen

BEING PYOTR ILYICH

Tchaikovsky’s Inner Life, Revealed by Himself 130 Years Later

Foreword by Daniel Meurois

Copyright © 2023 by Chris Nielsen

English translation: Viviana Zimbilschi – Serdeleanu

Proofreading: Giles Eldridge

Front cover image: Leonard Berlin, Atelier E. Bieber, Hamburg, 1888

Back cover image: Anne Nygard

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Bucharest, 2023

Contents

INTRODUCTION

PROLOGUE:

THE ARRIVAL

MY FIRST ENCOUNTERS WITH MUSIC

MY MOTHER’S DEPARTURE

A NEW WAY

THE CONSERVATORY AND MY FIRST CREATIONS

AN ILL-FATED LOVE

MY FAMILY

THE PIANO CONCERTO

A FAILED MARRIAGE

COMING BACK TO LIFE. KOTEK

NADEZHDA FILARETOVNA

AN ANGEL

MY MOST BEAUTIFULLY CREATIVE YEARS

THE BEGINNING OF THE DISASTER

VICHY. LOVE. DRAMA.

THE AGONY

THE ‘PATHÉTIQUE’ SYMPHONY

BEYOND THE BODY

INSTEAD OF AN EPILOGUE...

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

For Bob, to whom this book is addressed,

for Sasha,

for Modya and Tolya

and for all those so dear to me,

who were my family.

FOREWORD

by DANIEL MEUROIS

When I discovered the manuscript that Chris Nielsen sent me, I must admit that I was at first circumspect, even suspicious, because of its evocative title and also the first lines of its presentation.

Who then can claim to speak in the first person in relation to the name of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, more than a century after his death? Was I faced with a transcript from a channeling with a ‘New Age’ flavour, as I so often am? Indeed, I no longer count the texts written by people – sometimes sincere – claiming to be the reincarnation of Mary Magdalene, or the disciple John or even of the pharaoh Akhenaten, to mention just a few. Logically, faced with the manuscript in front of me, I should not have gone much further than my first thoughts had suggested...

And then, all of a sudden, it was the name ‘Tchaikovsky’ that overrode my first instinct. He was not one of the great names of the past endowed with a prestigious ‘Christlike’ and therefore mystical aura. Yet, undeniably, Pyotr Ilyich ‘stood out from the crowd’. Why him?

Ten pages, twenty pages, thirty pages... My eyes moving by themselves. I couldn’t stop, surprised by the emotion and the obvious sincerity of their author, whose writing talent was itself overtaken by ‘something else’, something impalpable and magnificently profound.

No... what I had in my hands was decidedly not the fruit of a vague channeling of questionable origin, such as flourishes elsewhere, but the gripping account of a series of regressions of consciousness experienced by a young woman, in a therapeutic context, that had assumed unsuspected proportions.

I was stunned... Fascinated too, because Chris Nielsen’s text turned out to be more than a simple account of the life of the emblematic composer, it was above all a testimony of an appealing authenticity. The choice of words, the reflections, the confessions, the need for purity, the excessiveness and finally the underlying wisdom made it an impregnating work to which it was difficult to remain insensitive.

I should say that my soul was won over by Pyotr Ilyich’s post-mortem confession. I say ‘my soul’ as I realised that I was in the presence of one of those works that address the human heart directly, by avoiding the mediation of the mind.

A delicate confession because it is inevitably painful, that of a feminine soul that her destiny – or rather the Divine constantly present in her and above her – had caused her to be born in a male body. A sort of incarceration playing the role of a quintessence extractor... We can immediately guess the dilemma and the inner, intimate contradictions, until the final tear.

It is therefore the issue, in its entirety, of one of the aspects of unassumed homosexuality that is tackled here in a totally innovative way, in its painful fatality, but also in the understanding of the secret itinerary of every human soul, which – in the course of its incarnations – contributes to the Universal Divine Project.

Certainly, one leaves such a reading with the sensation of having taken a flight at altitude within the consciousness of one of the greatest classical musicians of all time...

However, the experience does not end there, for it gives the conviction of having been invited to penetrate a space where the Sacredness of Life is patiently elaborated, the space where Pyotr Ilyich, impregnated with a sublimated Nature, met this ineffable Power that he called ‘Our Father’ and of which he now gifts to us, in his own way, like a climax to his music.

A book that is not to be browsed, but to be meditated upon; this improves the soul...

Daniel Meurois*

Daniel Meurois is an internationally known French best-selling author, his works being translated into 17 languages. He has written 40 books on spiritual topics, such as ‘Le Livre secret de Jeshua – La vie cachée de Jésus... selon la Mémoire du Temps’ (‘The Secret Book of Jeshua – The Hidden Life of Jesus According to the Memory of Time’), ‘Le Labyrinthe du Karma – Déchiffrer et comprendre notre contrat d’âme’ (‘The Labyrinth of Karma – Deciphering and Understanding our Soul Contract’), ‘François des Oiseaux... Claire et le Soleil – Le secret d’Assise’ (‘Francis of the Birds, Clare and the Sun... the Secret of Assisi’), ‘La Demeure du Rayonnant, mémoires égyptiennes’ (‘The Abode of the Radiant, Egyptian Memories’), Les Maladies Karmiques... les reconnaître, les comprendre, les dépasser’ (‘Karmic Illnesses – Recognising, Understanding, Overcoming Them’), ‘Il y a de Nombreuses Demeures – A la découverte des univers parallèles’ (‘There Are Many Homes – Discovering Parallel Universes’), etc.

His books are primarily based on his personal out-of-body experiences or astral projection, which allows him to read information in the Akashic Annals. For more than a quarter of a century, his works have given rise to hundreds of conferences and seminars in many European countries, in Africa and Quebec, as well as in the West Indies and New Caledonia. More than one million copies of his books have been sold, worldwide.

INTRODUCTION

Our life stories – apparently so different – are all crossed by much suffering and various dramas, behind which there always seems to be a single, almost desperate question of Man: WHY? – Why is this happening to me? Why are we here? What, after all, is life on Earth?

I have understood during recent years that perhaps the most precious thing we are all looking for is a MEANING to our existence, to contradict the apparent absurdity of the events we live. And it is precisely this search for MEANING that I would like this book to address to you.

Eight years ago, I started on a path of healing, determined by various physical sufferings, which I manifested from childhood and which have intensified over the years. This is how I discovered several methods of alternative medicine and, fascinated by their effects, but also by the truths found about the countless subtle connections between mind, body and soul, I started to study them. I followed different specialisations and I gradually became a therapist, as I progressed through my own healing process.

During the approximately six years of training in several branches of complementary medicine (which included courses, exams, supervision internships and the study of many specialised books), I discovered past life regression therapy, which offered me both the greatest revelations and the strongest healings.

As a therapist, I completed the training of almost three years offered by the Past Life Regression Academy – London. As a patient – under the guidance of my husband, who followed a distinct yet similar path to mine – I have explored about 30 past lives to this day.

It is more than three years since (in November 2019), on this intimate path of healing and discovering of my own being, I met my past life as Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. An encounter that marked in a major way my healing process, but also my whole existence, through the revelations I experienced.

This past incarnation fundamentally defines my current life, to a much higher degree than other previous lives. My basic work (in the artistic field), my husband and child, the blockages and fears I had experienced before healing, but also a lot of other aspects going down to perhaps insignificant details (from hobbies, to literary preferences), have all found the answer in my past existence as Pyotr Ilyich.

But, most importantly, the significance of this rediscovery has been marked by the continuity in my personality, which is an extension of Tchaikovsky’s way of being; one that is much less obvious in the case of my other previous existences, whether famous or not. In other words, I ‘resemble’ Pyotr Ilyich to a much larger extent than other past incarnations that I have embodied on Earth.

* * *

With the discovery of this story of my soul, I felt, almost simultaneously, the desire or maybe even the need to write it. I initially thought that it would manifest as a book about music, about creating or about the life story of a great composer.

But what ‘flowed’ through me proved to be slightly different. And perhaps that’s exactly why I feel a duty to share. This book is about LOVE and HOW TO LOVE. It is a book about Man and God¹.

After all, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky could have been a simple peasant from the Russian steppe. What matters most, before his natural musical talent, is the way he felt, lived and –above all – his sensitivity and the love that he embodied. Perhaps expressed in an overly simplistic way, Pyotr Ilyich could be seen as a case study in this book.

The notoriety of a character in a previous life is absolutely irrelevant in a healing process. Every human soul suffers in the same way and emotional traumas are required to be healed by the same therapeutic procedures. Moreover, in our own eyes and even more so in the eyes of God, the importance of a life is not given by our earthly celebrity.

I would like those who will read me to discover a revealing story about how Our Father plans and thinks about each of our departures from Heaven to Earth and about the reasons behind all the suffering we continually experience here. A healing process is built on forgiveness. Yet forgiveness comes only from full acceptance of things we live in a lifetime. And acceptance can only result from understanding the reasons laying behind our sufferings. Our inner peace will be born out of this reconciliation.

And the human being does not reconcile (with himself, with the others and with the Divinity) until it fully accepts that everything that has ever happened to us is just. That the pain experienced on Earth has a meaning, a purpose. Only in this way will we be able to forgive – ourselves and others for any drama ever lived – and only in this way our souls will get completely healed.

After so much love, patience and time dedicated to me from Above with such generosity – in order for me to understand what my soul had experienced and in order to heal myself – I felt that I also had to forward the great truths that were revealed to me.

The most important author of this book is, in fact, God himself, whose words, spoken for the healing of my own soul, I have rendered. And it is precisely these truths, which the Divinity has shared with me, that are the main reason why I felt an almost sacred duty to pass this book on.

* * *

Just as this book did not turn out to be primarily a book about music and a great musician, but about a man’s drama and love, so this book is also not about sexual minorities or any other kind and it is not at all about separation.

This is, in fact, one of the things I have understood in these years of research among my past lives. I was a man, I was a woman, I was a transsexual, I was white and Asian, I was Egyptian, Jewish, Christian and Buddhist. I belonged to various religions, races and nationalities. I was everything, like all of us.

These changes in roles and scenery do in fact create a new learning context in each terrestrial incarnation. We are placed in different situations, which we see from various angles. Everything we live in an earthly life is a form of theatre; sometimes we even play completely opposing roles. Many times, the one who was tortured yesterday can be an executioner today. It’s not the struggle that matters, it’s not the categories and it’s not the differences. Not the separation.

Minorities, of whatever kind, are not the problem on Earth. But the level of morality and dignity, the human stage of spiritual development is. Moral correctness and beauty can be applied anytime and anywhere and the other way around, misery can exist in any situation. Regardless of which class (religious, racial, sexual, ethnic, etc.) we belong to, love, sincerity, morality, desire to do good and not evil, openness, understanding, forgiveness, these are the landmarks that should guide our attitude.

* * *

Ever since I started on this path of rediscovering my incarnation as Pyotr Ilyich, I have found with both amazement and joy that there are (and continue to be published) countless volumes – some specialised books and some fictional writings – dealing with various aspects of Tchaikovsky’s life and career.

This book is a completely different one from anything already published.

The pages you are now holding in your hand represent the most intimate confession possible, given to those who want to know what Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky actually LIVED and FELT. This book is THE story of his inner life.

It does not have and does not aim to have the documentary accuracy of a classical biography. In regression therapy, what is very exactly experienced is the process of the soul. How does the heart feel? Sensations, emotions, the atmosphere of a place, the relationships with other people, etc. are clearly perceived.

However, on a strictly documentary level, in a regression you can’t always say for sure if you are in Rome or Florence. Such information remains deeply imprinted in the memory only if the experience itself of being in that particular place (and not in another) marked the soul very deeply, for a specific reason.

Almost 130 years after the disappearance of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, people’s curiosity goes primarily to the reason for his death. Unfortunately, I have sadly noticed that people are more attracted to the spicy aspects of life, to things without real substance. In fact, there are two persistent questions: How did Tchaikovsky die? and Who did Tchaikovsky love?

You will find the answers to these two questions in this book, right from the beginning of the reading. But I would like you to go beyond a simple typical human curiosity and try to understand, patiently, the deep meaning that is now offered to you.

* * *

Beyond the passions, frustrations, sufferings and evil that define today’s world, which abound in the press and on the Internet, beyond the pettiness and envy that also characterised the society in which I spent my life over 130 years ago, my strongest wish for this book is to bring an oasis of beauty. Of purity. Of normality. And of infinite love...

I hope that my enormous inner effort has paid off in order to offer you this book and that it will enrich the life of each reader with more light, more meaning, more faith and more love. Perhaps, at the end of these pages that I share with you, you will choose in your existence only what is pure, only what is born out of truth or of a sincere feeling.

May every gesture, thought or emotion that you express from now on be lived as real and intense as possible. Make every moment count. And I wish you to always walk towards love, light and God.

These are my hopes at the end of writing this book that I am sharing with you now,

Being Pyotr Ilyich.

NOTE:

Past life regression therapy – the method with which this book was written – works in the form of a permanent dialogue, throughout the trance, between therapist and patient. The therapist is the one who is conducting the storytelling by the patient and, what is essential, his/her healing.

From the performed therapy sessions, I excluded the therapist’s questions and some specific healing techniques and I kept practically only the story itself and Our Father’s answers. But even if the therapist’s voice (my husband) is not actually ‘heard’ in the book, it is the one who produced both the storytelling and my healing. Due to this enormous effort, I do feel that my husband’s true role is that of co-author of this book.

1The notion of ‘God’ used in this book is not specifically associated with any of the religions currently existing. The truths that have been shared with me can be partially found, in different forms, in various religions practiced on Earth.

PROLOGUE:

At this point where everything ends, everything is just beginning...

An autumn light, hard, completely lacking in the tender yellow of the summer sun. A light that blinds, without rejoicing, without warming. The sun just cheats. It is really cold in this sharp white light.

On Neva’s quay, my view sinks into the void, my eyes are completely lost in the depths of the water. I want to feel the nothingness, to become one with this water and simply forget everything, absolutely everything. It’s