From a Boy to a Man

Copyright 2022 Alan Whichello.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

ISBN: 978-1-6987-1250-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6987-1252-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6987-1251-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022914192

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From a Boy to a Man

I would like to dedicate this book

to my wife Gillian who has supported me for over 50 years

I would also like to thank my close friend Jacquie Cook who helped with the editing and of course Trafford for publishing this book.

CONTENTS

Preface

Prologue

Chapter 1 The Early Years

Chapter 2 The Headless Chicken

Chapter 3 The Early School Years

Chapter 4 Life at Home

Chapter 5 My Dog Bruce

Chapter 6 The Alternative Accommodation

Chapter 7 In Trouble with The Police

Chapter 8 The Day Trips

Chapter 9 My Auntie and Uncle

Chapter 10 The New House

Chapter 11 My First Real Job

Chapter 12 Growing Up

Chapter 13 Racism

Chapter 14 I Join The Scouts

Chapter 15 Scout Camp

Chapter 16 Falling in Love

Chapter 17 My First Driving Lesson

Chapter 18 The Best Christmas

Chapter 19 My Father’s Accident

Chapter 20 My New Job

Chapter 21 My Grans House

Chapter 22 My Best Mate

Chapter 23 I Suffer a Loss

Chapter 24 My First Car Crash

Chapter 25 The Driving Instructor

Chapter 26 Money Problems with My Father

Chapter 27 The Road Trip

Chapter 28 Some Shocking News

Chapter 29 My True Love

Chapter 30 In Trouble with the Police Again

Chapter 31 Dr. Wilkinson

Chapter 32 Pregnancy

Chapter 33 Fatherhood

Chapter 34 Money Problems

Chapter 35 Losing My Driving License

Chapter 36 Self Employed

Chapter 37 Money, Money, Money

Chapter 38 Our Own House

Chapter 39 Renovating

Chapter 40 The Camper Van

Chapter 41 The Dream House

Chapter 42 The Tragedy

Chapter 43 My World Collapses

Chapter 44 My New Life

Chapter 45 My New Family

Chapter 46 A Death in The Family

Chapter 47 My Mother’s Confession

Chapter 48 My Hopes Dashed

Chapter 49 The New Start

Chapter 50 My Hopes Destroyed

Chapter 51 I Become a Vagrant

Chapter 52 Home at Last

Epilogue

PREFACE

FROM A BOY TO A MAN

This is loosely based on a true story. Although most of the facts are true, I have exaggerated on some to make the story more interesting reading.

This book is not suitable for children and is adult themed. In the first part of the story, there are a few words that are sexual and explicit. Some readers may find them offensive and vulgar, but I kept them in the story as they were relevant at the time this story was written. I do apologize if I offended or upset anybody—this was not my intention.

PROLOGUE

Christmas 2003, my wife Gillian and I were walking through the streets of Oxford. Christmas was only a week away, and we were getting the last presents for our youngest child. We walked past Debenhams and noticed a shabbily dressed man sitting on some cardboard in the shop doorway. Give us a few bob for a meal, governor, he pleaded. I haven’t eaten since this morning.

I felt sorrow for him. I bent down and said, Can’t you get food at your lodgings?

He coughed several times, clearing his throat, and Gillian moved away. I could see she didn’t want to get to close to the man. My only lodgings is the bus shelter if nobody else is sleeping there, he replied.

But can’t you get help from Social Services? I asked.

I could but I am an illegal immigrant, he said, even though I was born and bred here. I was intrigued and could tell he was a well-educated man, but Gillian was getting impatient to go home. I gave the man £5 and asked if he would meet me here the next day at 10:00 a.m. For £5, governor, I’d meet you on the moon. He laughed then tried to get up. I could see it was a struggle, and the effort made him wheeze. So I grabbed his arm and helped him to his feet. You’re a real gent, sir, he said then picked his bit of cardboard up and stuffed it in his old army coat and shuffled off toward McDonald’s. Gill was tugging at my arm so I relented and we walked back to the car.

The next day, I was outside Debenhams at 9:30 a.m., hoping to see where the man had been sleeping, but he was already there sitting on the ground with a plastic dish on the ground, asking people for money. Most people walked by and ignored him as if he wasn’t there. Come on, I said, let’s go and have some breakfast. He got to his feet, picked up the few coppers that were in the dish, and we walked to a little café down the road. His clothes smelt a bit, but you could see he’d washed and kept himself clean. We sat down in a quiet corner away from the other tables. What’s your name? I said.

Jones—David Jones, he replied, but my friends call me Davy.

Well, Davy, I’m Alan. I called the waitress over and ordered two English breakfasts. Davy would you be willing to tell me your life story?

Will I get paid any money? he asked, with a twinkle in his eye.

I can’t promise anything but if I publish the book and it’s a success, then you would be paid some reward. After we had eaten the breakfast, I took out my tape recorder from my case and set it on the table. Davy looked a bit suspicious. It’s all right, I said. I can’t do shorthand writing and have a poor memory so I have to tape things. After he had drunk his tea, he began telling me his story. As his story unfolded, I was moved by how much he remembered from such a young age. His graphic account of his abusive and violent past brought tears to my eyes. We spent all day at the café after buying him lunch and tea and changing tapes on the recorder. We finally left, when the café closed. I shook hands with Davy and gave him my card with my contact details, eager to get home and write his story.

CHAPTER

1

The Early Years

David William Jones, born on July 20, 1945

Location: London, England

Mother: Edith Elizabeth Thomson

Father: Trevor Martin Jones

Registered July 8, 1948

That’s what I’d first seen written on my birth certificate.

I was nearly three years old when we moved to our new house in the summer of 1948, well, it wasn’t a new house as such but a 1906 detached cottage with two bedrooms and landing upstairs with a large kitchen downstairs. A passageway led off to a large lounge with inglenook fireplace. An old toilet and wash hand basin had recently been built into the corner, which was a luxury as most old properties had their toilet outside. From the passageway, a door led down a stone stairway into a cellar. This was originally an old pub but had been converted to a living accommodation by the farmer who owned quite a few houses in the village. Most of them were tied cottages for the farm laborers. The village was divided by a large stream with Upper Balding on one side and Lower Balding on the other. Trevor Jones, my father, had married Edith, my mother, a few months before at a registry office, and as he worked on the farm as a tractor driver, it entitled him to a house, which was in Lower Balding.

Trevor was twenty-five years old and was a huge man with a beer gut, with fiery red hair and beard. He was also a bully with a short temper. Edith was twenty years old, tall with a slight frame, quite pretty but was eight months pregnant and had a massive belly. She too was very irritable from carrying the baby and snapped at the slightest thing. As I think back, they did not make a suitable couple, and they argued a lot.

My first memory was being upstairs with my father. I was excited because it was my third birthday and my mother had promised me a birthday cake for tea. I remember falling down the stairs but couldn’t remember whether I slipped or was pushed. I lay at the bottom of the stairs. I was conscious but ached all over. My mother came rushing through from the kitchen after hearing the bumps, and picked me up,

Are you all right, Davey? asked Mum.

’Course he’s all right, shouted my father, peering over the stair rails. He shouldn’t be so clumsy.

Mum removed my jumper, and I winced at the pain. Bruises were already starting to show on my thin body. Mum quickly pulled my jumper back over my head. You’ll be all right. Nothing’s broken. Go back in the lounge. Dinner will be ready soon and then you can have your cake. I stumbled back into the lounge and slumped into an armchair. My arm really hurt, but I knew I shouldn’t complain. It would only make things worse with my father.

My father came stomping down the stairs a few minutes later, demanding if the dinner was ready. He had got changed and was itching to get to the pub. Mum ignored him and laid the table. Davy, come and get your dinner, she shouted, but before I could move, my father charged into the room.

Are you deaf, boy, didn’t you hear your mum calling? I was about to raise my aching body, but I couldn’t avoid a clip around the ear from my father. I hurried into the kitchen and sat down, my head just above the tabletop. A bowl of stew and a slice of bread were placed in front of me.

My father exploded into a rage. Is this all you can dish up, woman? I need a healthy meal, not pig slops.

Mum shouted back, If you were to give me more money, I could buy some meat, instead of you pissing it up in the pub. I held my breath, expecting Mum to get a slap, but Dad smirked and carried on eating his stew. After we had finished, Mum proudly brought the small birthday cake she had made, to the table. Three small candles were pushed into the center. She lit the candles and said, Blow the candles out, Davy, and make a wish. I made a wish but was glad my father couldn’t read my mind.

My father cut the small cake in half and ate the biggest bit before Mum could offer me a slice, but I was grateful to share the other half with her. After stuffing the cake into his mouth, my father stood up. I’m going to the pub, he mumbled. Don’t wait up. Then he stormed out of the house. By seven o’clock, I was tucked up in bed with my thumb in my mouth and a tucker rag squashed against my nose. My tucker rag was an old nappy, which smelt revolting from the dribbling of my thumb, but this relaxed me and I felt safe. I fell into a deep sleep. After some time, I was awoken by the door being slammed and my drunk father stamping up the stairs. I slid down the side of the bed between the wall and the old flock mattress, still wrapped in the sheets, and listened. He went straight to Mum’s bedroom and tore the sheets off the double bed. I heard my mother cry out, No, Trevor, I’m over eight months pregnant. I heard a slap then some groaning. My mother cried out a few times then it all went quiet. I pulled my tucker rag tighter and dropped back off to sleep wondering what had happened.

I dreamt I was on a big red bus, looking out the windows at the rubble and damaged buildings. Kids were playing amid the rubble. I wanted the bus to stop so I could play with them but the bus never stopped, and then I woke up. I had experienced this dream many times before, but I did not understand what it meant.

The next morning, I got dressed in my old shirt and shorts, pulled on my socks and shoes. My father had already gone to work. When I came down the stairs, Mum was in the kitchen, bent over the sink. I could see she was in pain. Are you all right, Mum? I asked, concerned.

Quick, Davy, run and fetch the midwife, and hurry. I ran out of the house and down the street. I knew where she lived as we had passed her house many times when Mum took me to the local co-op store. I banged on the front door, and thankfully, she was in. I told her what had happened. She hurried to get her bag then chased after me down the street. When we went into the kitchen, Mum was lying on the floor, bleeding badly. I burst out crying.

Quick, Davey, said the midwife, get me all the towels you can carry. When I returned, the midwife made my mum as comfortable as possible, then told me to wait in the lounge. I listened and heard my mum screaming. Push, I heard the midwife shout. I heard another scream and then a baby crying. You can come in now, the midwife said. I peered around the kitchen door and was relieved to see Mum still on the floor, propped up against the kitchen sink, holding a small baby.

Come and meet your little sister, she said. I looked and was a bit concerned how tiny and wrinkly it was.

Don’t worry, said the midwife. She was born a bit early but is healthy and will soon put on a bit of weight. She tidied up a bit, packed her bag, and told Mum she would call in tomorrow to see how she was managing. (In the late forties and fifties, most women had their babies at home.) I thought with a little sister at home, things would get better between me and my father, but it only made things worse, much worse.

Mum coped as well as could be expected. She adored little Sheila, but I was getting more and more neglected.

CHAPTER

2

The Headless Chicken

The villages were connected by a narrow road. Lower Balding was the smallest, about half a mile long with about 250 houses, a chapel, two pubs, and a large farm, which most of the farmhands worked on, including my father. There was also a small school and recreation field just off the main road. A bridge over the large stream separated Upper Balding, which was slightly bigger, about three quarters of a mile long with three pubs and about 400 houses. In this village, there was the co-op, a baker’s, butchers, and a smithy, as most of the farms still used some horses. There was a large council estate in the middle of the village with a primary school and police house to one side. On the other side stood the village hall and church. On the outskirts of the village lay Beal’s sawmills. Most of the people did all their shopping in the village or caught the daily bus service into the next town about two miles away. In 1948 there were very few cars about in the village.

Our house was the first house in Lower Balding, built on the corner of the main road through the village. It had a large garden bordering on fields at the back and a small wood to the side. A public footpath ran alongside our property, separating the woods. The woods had barbed wire around the perimeter to keep out intruders, as the woods and land beyond were all owned by the local farmer Giles Bedford. Our garden was divided by a track, which some of the farm vehicles used as it was the quickest way into the fields beyond. The farm had two tractors and the very first combine harvester, as well as shire horses although these were being used less and less. On one side of the track, we had a large wire run for the chickens, a small tin grain store, and an old wooden shed, while the other side contained our vegetable patch, some small fruit trees, and various fruit bushes. The whole garden was surrounded by a chicken wire fence, except where the track went through.

I loved our garden and felt quite safe when I was left alone, which was quite often. I would help Mum feed the chickens and loved handling the young chicks. Being in the countryside, we did have foxes, badgers, and rats coming into the garden after the chickens or their corn. My father had a twelve-bore double-barrel shotgun, which he used to kill the vermin if he was quick enough. He did go out shooting for rabbits and pheasants and sometimes pigeons, although this was not often as it took five or six pigeons to make a pie as only the breast was usable. The next thing that stuck in my mind was just before Christmas. Being only three and half, I didn’t know what Christmas was all about, but everybody seemed to cheer up so I did too, until my father suggested I go with him to get the cockerel on Christmas Eve. I followed him to the chicken run, and he closed the gate behind me. He caught the largest cock bird in the run and told me to stand behind it. He put the bird’s neck over a wooden block, and as quick as a flash, he chopped its head off with a small axe, then he let the bird go. I screamed and watched the headless bird run around, blood oozing out of its neck. I ran and tried to get out, thinking the bird was after me. My father was roaring with laughter as I tried desperately to get away, but a few seconds later, the cockerel lay dead on the ground. My father was still laughing as he picked the dead bird up and opened the chicken run gate. I had nightmares for weeks after. I didn’t learn until much later that it was only the bird’s natural instinct to run for a few seconds, even though it was dead.

Christmas was all over very quickly. We ate the cockerel, but I left the meat and only ate the potatoes and greens. I couldn’t forget that poor chicken running around with no head. Christmas pudding was a small piece of homemade cake, which my father ate most of. I did open my only present after dinner, a wooden lorry with a tipping back. I didn’t see any presents for Mum. My father stood up, belched, and then said he was going to the pub. He left without even thanking my mother for the meal. Mum played with my little sister Sheila for the rest of the evening. I played with my lorry, wishing I had a brother to play with. That was Christmas 1949. (Although rationing was still strictly enforced in the cities and towns, in the countryside this did not affect us so much. We grew most of our greens, potatoes, fruit, and eggs were plentiful so we ate quite well.) My mother would often walk up to the Baptist chapel on Sunday mornings for the service at ten o’clock and took me along with Sheila in the pram. I did like the singing part but got bored with the talking part. This didn’t last long as Father objected to Mum going. Why do you waste your time going there? he said one night. There’s plenty of work to do in the house.

My wish came true. Mum was pregnant again and had the baby in the summer exactly a year later. Mum called my little brother Tommy and to my surprise Father adored. He seemed a changed man, picking the baby up and tickling him. But that didn’t last long. He still treated my mum like a servant and kept her short of money. I had learned to stay out of his way especially after he came home from the pub, but he still hit me if anything went wrong. I always seemed to get the blame.

I was left to my own devices for most of the summer. I had found a hole in the fence and ventured across the footpath and into the woods. This was a whole new adventure for me. I loved the woods and played for hours with my lorry, filling it up with twigs, imagining they were logs and I was in a timber yard. That was my best summer ever, until one day I was so absorbed in playing, I was a bit late for tea and heard my father shouting. I didn’t know if I should hide or answer him. I decided to keep quiet and slip home later. But that only made things worse. He found the hole in the fence, and it wasn’t long before he found me. Didn’t you hear me calling, you little bastard? Get off home before I take my belt to you.

He looked around and saw my lorry loaded with logs. He smirked and stamped on it, smashing it beneath his hobnail boot. I stood there and, for the first time, cried. You little crybaby, he said and then booted me up the backside. Get off home and don’t say anything to your mother, or else you’ll be sorry. I went home crying, having lost the only thing I really cared about. I can’t understand why my mother didn’t see how unhappy I was. I always kept quiet when I came in, but she asked how I had gotten the bruise on the side of my head and when I did tell her the truth that Dad had hit me, she always said, Well, you probably deserved it. So that’s why I didn’t tell anybody. When the district nurse came on her monthly rounds to check on Mum, I was either out playing in the woods or in bed with a cold. Nobody checked. I did manage to persuade Mum to buy me some wood glue to see if we could try and repair my lorry. Mum stuck the wheels back on and the sides, but it never worked the same.

Once a month my mum had started taking us to see her mother at Gifford, a small village about two miles north of the town. We caught a red bus at the top of the road (it looked like the bus in my dreams, only smaller). It stopped at the town square for a few minutes and let people off and on then carried on to Henley. The bus stopped right outside my gran’s house, so Mum didn’t have to walk very far. Gran was quite old. My granddad had been killed in the war, so she was living alone in a big council house. But she had a son, William, who lived next door. Most people called him Bill, and he kept an eye on her. Gran welcomed us all; she especially liked me and gave us all a bar of chocolate. I liked her too, but she wasn’t very clean and smelled of pee when she got close. We stayed for about two hours before we had to catch the bus home.

I was four and half, just before I started school when I discovered just how much my father hated me. I was in the garden early one morning. Mum had fed the chickens and had left the flap open on the corn bin. It was about four feet square and held two large bags of corn, which my father pinched from the farm. I climbed up on a log and peered inside. It was nearly empty, so I climbed up on top and lowered myself down. It was high enough for me to stand up in this was great. I had found myself a new camp. I settled down on the bottom when I heard footsteps outside. The flap was suddenly pushed down and a large concrete slab placed over it. I screamed and banged on the side of the steel bin. Whoever was out there must have heard. I listened again and heard footsteps walking away, I pushed on the flap but it didn’t budge. I was trapped. I panicked and screamed and banged on the side of the bin for about an hour, but nobody came. I sank to the bottom of the bin, tired out, and must have fallen asleep.

This time, I dreamt I was on the big red bus. I was looking out of the windows at the children playing in the rubble. All the buildings were falling down around them. I wanted to get off the bus and help them, but I couldn’t. The bus never stopped. I woke up sweating. I looked up and the flap was open, but before I could stand, one hundredweight of corn cascaded down, burying me. I struggled to breathe and forced my head above the corn, gasping for air. Then the flap was shut, I heard the slab being pulled back over, then all was quiet. The corn bin was about half full. I stretched and pulled my body free, and finally, I lay on top of the corn. It was pitch black, and the air was full of dust. My breathing became labored. I pushed my head against the flap. There was a slight gap where the flap wasn’t seated properly, but enough for me to breathe. I settled down and waited for somebody to save me.

My mum had been worried sick. She had searched the woods and surrounding areas Have you seen Davy? she asked my father when he arrived home that evening. Only he didn’t come home for lunch and I haven’t seen him all day. He said he hadn’t but agreed to help search. He went and searched the woods again, while Mum went to feed the chickens. I heard the concrete slab being pulled off the flap and then opened. Mum screamed when she saw me, I was only semiconscious and wasn’t moving. She pulled me out, and I took a deep breath. After only a few minutes, I had recovered enough and told her what had happened. Of course, my father denied any knowledge that I was in the corn bin and Mum believed him, but I knew the truth.

CHAPTER

3

The Early School Years

In September, I started school. I had been looking forward all summer to meeting other children and playing with them. My mum walked me to the junior school in Upper Balding. She told me to be a good boy and behave myself. She kissed me on top of the head then left me in the playground, surrounded by screaming boys and girls running around like mad things. I stood there frozen to the spot, not knowing how to interact with the other children. A pretty young girl came over and said, My name’s Alice. What’s yours? I told her my name, and that was the start of a friendship that lasted all of my early school days.

It became quite clear there was a hierarchy in our school. Which boys and girls held the most power over the others? Edward Stevens was the biggest and loudest boy in our class, and most of the schoolkids were scared of him. The girls were dominated by Tracy Monk. She wasn’t the biggest, but she had a foul mouth and bad temper. We picked up most of the swear words from her. Our class had the best female teacher in the school, Miss Shaw. I liked her from the start. I enjoyed the lessons and was eager to learn. I was a bit backward, having never learned to read or write and could not tell the time. I could count to ten, but that was my limit of ability. This was my downfall. It soon became clear I was the dunce of the school and was placed in the lowest grade. Eddy Stevens picked up on this, and the bullying began. I hated fighting and would rather walk away. If it wasn’t for Alice, who stuck by me when I felt depressed, I don’t think I would have coped. In fact, I got on better with the girls than the boys.

It was a very strict school with corporal punishment quite commonplace, especially among the boys. It ranged from a clip around the ear, which was a favorite with Miss Smith. Mr. Kiddie favored the ruler (he was the butt of many jokes with a name like that) and used the ruler quite often across the palm of your hand. But the person we feared the most was the headmaster. If you were sent to him, the slipper was mostly used. He would make you bend over and whack you as hard as he could across the bottom, often more than once. (These methods of punishment were widely used in the late forties and fifties.) I soon caught up with the others on education, apart from a few fights in which I always came off worse. On one occasion, Jimmy Hoskins and I ended up in front of Mr. King the headmaster. I will not tolerate fighting in my school, he bellowed. Then he made Jimmy bend over. After I witnessed the slipper being given to Jimmy, I made a bolt for the school front door and was gone before the headmaster realized what was happening. After dodging my father for so long, I could run like the wind. But I got no sympathy when I got home. After I had explained what had happened, my mum said her favorite saying, Well, I expect you deserved it, and promptly put the two kids in the pram and marched me back down to school, where I received four whacks of the slipper instead of two. I never ran away from school again.

Another thing I remembered most was the mobile school dentist and nit nurse who came once a month. I wasn’t sure what to expect as I walked up the steps into the