The Paper Tiger Syndrome: How to Liberate Yourself from the Illusion of Fear

The Paper Tiger Syndrome: How to Liberate Yourself from the Illusion of Fear

Rebecca Ward

Published by Rebecca Ward, 2022.

THE PAPER TIGER

SYNDROME

How to Liberate Yourself

from the Illusion of Fear

Rebecca A. Ward, LMFT, SEP, PCC

Published by Original Blueprint Press

originalblueprintpress.com

Published by Original Blueprint Press

originalblueprintpress.com

Printed in the USA

Cover Design by Justin Metz

Interior illustrations by Lea Androic

Charts by Rebecca Ward, et. al.

Anatomy illustrations by Lauren Hugdahl

Copyright © 2022 by Rebecca Ward

ISBN: 9780578359861

In memory of my sons, Nathaniel and Eliot,

whose brief lives on this planet made me who I am today.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to praise my Infinite Source for the gift of this extraordinary life. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for every moment I am here to experience the unfolding of this remarkable and extraordinary mystery.

I would like to thank my village—every soul who has walked this path with me and taught me what it means to belong.

In no particular order, thank you to all my teachers, healers, and fellow practitioners, including Peter Levine, Kathy Kain, Stephen Terrell, Theresa Lumiere, Gabor Maté, Berns Galloway, Ariel Giaretto, Rob Wergin, Janina Fisher, Christina Lehnherr, Marsha Angus, and Carolyn Cooper. I am eternally grateful to each of you for helping me rediscover my Original Blueprint®.

To all my clients—you are my greatest teachers.

My dear family and friends—I am deeply grateful for all the support you have given me, especially my mother and father who gave me life, my father who taught me what’s important, and to my mother who stood by me through it all. I could not have been on this remarkable journey without all of you, dear ones.

Special thanks to my editors, Kuwana Haulsey and Randy Peyser of Author One Stop, Inc., for their extraordinary work in helping me publish this book at a time when the world needs it most. I also want to acknowledge my colleague, Donna Carter, for generously devoting her time and energy to give the book a final review and edit through the lens of trauma—I am deeply grateful.

Lastly to you, the reader. You are the reason why I wrote this book. In your devotion to heal, I hope this book brings you closer to your Original Blueprint®.

INTRODUCTION

Definition: Paper Tiger

Preface

My Story

Set Your Intention

PART ONE: What’s Really Driving Us

Introduction: Understanding Human Wiring

Chapter One: Taming Your Inner Tiger

The Gifts of Suffering

The Body is the Gateway to the Original Blueprint®

Chapter Two: The Anatomy of Fear

Decoding Paper Tigers: The Nervous System Has the Key

The Vagus Nerve: A Physical Manifestation of the Soul

The Anatomy of Fear and Loneliness

Isolation is a Human Epidemic

Developing a Well-Regulated Body

When We Shutdown

The Many Faces and Forms of Fear

Shake it Off

Chapter Three: How We Survive Childhood

Healing the Inner Child:

Fight, Flight and Freeze

Shame and Submit

Attach and Cry for Help

Appease

Scarcity

Chapter Four: It Takes a Village

Togetherness—not Otherness—is a Remedy for Global Healing

Inheriting the Past

Manifesting a Global Purpose

Appreciating Differences Repairs Broken Bonds

Taking Responsibility

Social Impact

The Power of Spiritual Practice

Transition

PART TWO: Reclaiming Balance

Introduction: How to Practice

Exercises and Rituals

Chapter Five: Leaning on Your Village Matters

Support Systems

Personal Beliefs

Beginning Level Exercises:

Belief Systems

Community

Intermediate Level Exercises:

Lineage

Existing Rituals

Commitment to Practice

Chapter Six: When Mind Meets Body and Falls in Love

Mind-Body Match Up

Beginning Level Rituals:

Proprioception Warmup

Grounding

Engaging the Five Senses

Understanding the Most Essential Ritual: Interoception

Intermediate Level Rituals:

Interoception Warmup

Interoception Using Mindful Breathwork

Advanced Level Rituals:

Interoception—Beyond Sensation

Interoception—Mindful Breathwork

Balancing Vagal Tone

Orienting

Voo Breathing Method

Upregulating and Downregulating

Loving All of You

Commitment to Practice

Chapter Seven: Healing Childhood Wounds

Advanced Level Rituals: Cultivating Healthy Beliefs

False Beliefs (Introjects)

Swap in Healthy Beliefs

I Am Mantras

Befriend the Inner Critic

Getting Needs Met as Adults

Part 1: Childhood Needs

Part 2: Healing Turnarounds

Advanced Level Exercise: Marry Yourself

Commitment to Practice

Chapter Eight: When No Fortifies Relationships

Advanced Level Rituals:

Setting Boundaries

Resentment-to-Acceptance

Making Amends

PART THREE: Bringing Your Fierceness into the World

Transition

Chapter Nine: Mobilizing Your Original Blueprint®

Advanced Level Rituals:

Living Your Legacy Story

Legacy Commitments

Vision Board—Manifesting Your Legacy

Appreciation Begets Abundance

Chapter Ten: Continuing the Work

Conclusion

Appendices

Glossary of Terms

Glossary of Somatic Dimensions

Glossary of Emotions

Suggested Readings

DEFINITION

paper tiger

[pa·per | \ ˈpā-pər · ti·ger | \ ˈtī-gər] noun

: something—or someone—that appears to be a threat, but in reality, is powerless.

"There is no greater illusion than fear.

- Lao Tzu

"The medicine is already within the pain and suffering. You just have to look deeply and quietly. Then you realize it has been there the whole time.

- Wisdom from the Native American oral tradition

PREFACE

Inside every one of us lies a hidden landscape that is the embodiment of boundless, unconditional love. If you could map this landscape, the map would detail the wide-open savannas and curving shorelines of your original self—the person you were intended to be when you first entered the world. We’ve all had glimpses of this version of ourselves, just as we’ve also witnessed it resurface in others. It’s in the moments when you see a beautiful sunrise and feel gratitude in your heart. It’s in the infectious joy of an infant who can’t control her belly laugh. It’s in the sudden impulse to do a kind deed for a stranger. These are the moments when we’re back in touch with ourselves.

When you have a clear connection to this Self—what I call your Original Blueprint®—you feel open and spacious and fully alive. Fear no longer has the power to control your thoughts and actions because you have an intuitive understanding of your connection to the rest of the world. That connection allows you to be courageous, step out from your inhibitions, and live fearlessly. When misfortune strikes, you have the tools to find your way back to your center and liberate yourself from suffering.

This book is a roadmap to guide you on that journey back home. It’s brimming with examples—from numerous clients of mine, as well as my own life—that describe the journey you’re about to embark upon, as you clear away old survival strategies and conditioned beliefs and make way for a present, whole, and connected Self.

Before we begin, make sure that you have a personal journal to write down your thoughts and complete the exercises or use The Paper Tiger Companion Workbook (sold separately at www.IrisInstitute.com and hereafter referred to as the Companion Workbook). The Companion Workbook is a beautiful, full-color interactive and downloadable workbook, formatted specifically to guide you along this journey with all the rituals and exercises in Parts Two and Three. Having said that, any journal will suffice, as long as you use it to faithfully record the thoughts, feelings, and insights that arise as a result of your work.

You’ll also need to set aside reflective time to complete the various rituals and exercises. And I strongly encourage you to integrate at least one ritual you learn from this book into your life on a daily basis because even after you’ve completed the book the work continues. There are also more resources on my website at IrisInstitute.com that you can access to continue to stay in the work, including printable worksheets, videos and guided recordings of the rituals and exercises from Parts Two and Three of this book.

Sometimes the fear, stress, and uncertainty of life—your paper tigers—can feel overwhelming. They are not. To overcome them, you need only acquire the right tools. Having said that, I must acknowledge that this road is far from easy. Many people who begin this kind of healing journey do so because they’ve experienced trauma. In fact, I first began my journey after a series of intense traumas that culminated in a diagnosis that nearly ended my life early.

It’s very common for people who face loss, hardship, and suffering to ask, "Is this all there is? Is this what my life was meant to be? Will I ever feel myself again? Will I ever be at peace?" Obviously, no single book can magically repair all your traumas. But the rituals and exercises revealed here will support the healing process in ways that would be inaccessible through traditional methods.

However, I must also offer a word of caution. If you’re someone who’s endured complex trauma and you’re just beginning your healing journey, you may need additional support. In that case, this book may not be the appropriate starting place, unless you also have the assistance of a licensed therapist who is trained in a trauma modality. For those who’ve already begun a healing journey, working independently should enhance the progress you’ve already made.

If you’re not sure which path is right for you, I suggest taking the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) survey, included here. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defines adverse childhood experiences as, potentially traumatic events that occur in childhood (0-17 years) …ACEs are linked to chronic health problems, mental illness, and substance misuse in adulthood. ACEs can also negatively impact education and job opportunities…

The stressors of cumulative adversity have far-reaching effects that we’re only just beginning to fully understand. According to the ACEs study, there are ten types of childhood trauma. Five are personal — physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical neglect, and emotional neglect. The others relate to how a child experiences her interactions with different family members: a parent who is an alcoholic, a mother who is a victim of domestic violence, a family member in jail, a family member diagnosed with a mental illness, and the disappearance of a parent through divorce, death, or abandonment.

To take the survey, read the following questions. For each question where you answer yes, give yourself one point. If you score three or higher, you may be at risk of experiencing long-term consequences from early abuse and/or neglect. Scores of three or higher have been linked to chronic disease in adulthood, social and emotional difficulties, depression, interpersonal violence and even suicide.

But getting a high ACE score is, by no means, a sentence to a life of misery. There’s always plenty of hope. With the right support, people with very high ACE scores can lead healthy, happy lives and even be a source of inspiration. I believe that the ability to thrive despite past traumas is an indication of your incredible resilience. That is certainly true for me—I was an ACE kid.

The following survey is meant to be a point of reference, rather than a diagnosis. But I hope it will be a helpful place to start for anyone who has questions or concerns in this area.

ACE SURVEY

ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

Q: While you were growing up, during your first 18 years of life:

1.   Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…

Swear at you, insult you, put you down or humiliate you?

or

Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?

  Yes        No      If yes, enter 1 ________

2.   Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…

Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?

or

Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?

  Yes        No      If yes, enter 1 ________

3.   Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever…

Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way?

or

Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?

  Yes        No      If yes, enter 1 ________

4.   Did you often or very often feel that …

No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special?

or

Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

  Yes        No      If yes, enter 1 ________

5.   Did you often or very often feel that …

You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you?

or

Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?

  Yes        No      If yes, enter 1 ________

6.   Were your parents ever separated or divorced?

  Yes        No      If yes, enter 1 ________

7.   Was your mother or stepmother:

Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her?

or

Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard?

or

Ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?

  Yes        No      If yes, enter 1 ________

8.   Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs?

  Yes        No      If yes, enter 1 ________

9.   Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

  Yes        No      If yes, enter 1 ________

10. Did a household member go to prison?

  Yes        No      If yes, enter 1 ________

As you tally your score, remember that there are many additional factors, which determine how resilient an individual will be in the face of trauma, abuse, or neglect. If you choose to work with a trauma therapist in conjunction with reading this book, it can only improve your personal outcome. There are many skilled trauma practitioners available through several directories, including:

Somatic Experiencing® International (SEI)

www.traumahealing.org

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy

www.sensorimotorpsychotherapy.org

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

www.emdr.com

You might also check your local healthcare facilities for trauma support groups.

Whatever path you choose, the methods that you’ll learn here can help you to embody life-long positive changes and lead you back to a place of centered calm and joy—no matter what life throws at you. Chronic fear and past experiences will no longer have the power to determine your future. But the lessons that you take from those experiences will shape how you show up in every other facet of life.

Learning to tame your paper tigers and embody your Original Blueprint® will create a space for unconditional love to flow to and through you and out into the world. Then, you’ll be able to embrace all of life’s lessons and flourish under any circumstance.

"She could no longer borrow from the future to ease her present grief.

- Nathaniel Hawthorne

The knock at the door caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting anyone and wondered who would show up at my house in the middle of the day unannounced. Whoever it was would have to wait, as I rushed through the tiny apartment, getting ready for class. If I was late again, my professor would kill me. I grabbed my jacket and car keys, while trying unsuccessfully to balance a stack of heavy textbooks and shove them into my worn-out canvas backpack.

The knock came again, this time even louder and more insistent.

Who is it? I yelled.

Columbia Police Department.

I stopped. My heart jumped in my chest. Why would the police be at my door? Was someone sick? Had there been an accident? Different scenarios raced through my mind, each a little bit more frightening than the last. I slid my books onto the kitchen table and slowly walked towards the door. Taking a deep breath, I gripped the doorknob and swung the door open. Two somber looking officers stood in front of me with their hats in their hands.

Yes, I said. Can I help you?

Rebecca Ward? one of the officers asked.

Yes, I replied. What’s going on?

Instead of answering my question, one of the officers reached out and handed me a card with a phone number on it.

Call this number.

Could you tell me what this is about? I asked again, as my heart continued to race.

The officer didn’t reply directly to my question. "Please