Enduring Ministry: Wisdom from Veteran Pastors for Managing Stress & Avoiding Burnout

© 2022 Areopagus Publishing: Mobile, AL

ISBN: 978-1-66782-113-9

eBook ISBN: 978-1-66782-864-0

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Foreword

I worked hard. Every day. And Jack almost fired me because of it.

Many of us have worked for bosses that would have preferred us to spend more time at work, not less. We’ve had those bosses that call us on the weekends, reward us for never taking a day off, and praise us for being the first one in and the last one to leave.

I was the kind of person that boss would have loved. I loved what I did. I loved ministry. I was good at it. There was nowhere I’d rather be than in my office organizing an event or creating the perfect system to keep up with our new guests, members, and giving.

My co-ministers were my best friends. Our office was fun, comfortable, and productive.

When you work as a pastor under Jack Hester’s leadership, you get a lot of freedom. Jack’s not a micromanager. Instead, he works hard to build his team with people he doesn’t have to micromanage.

You see, the beauty of working for someone that doesn’t have a giant ego is that he’s not afraid to surround himself with people that are better at things than he is.

I was given the freedom to create. I was given the freedom to try new things. And I was given the freedom to fail.

However, I found out one day, there was something I didn’t have the freedom to do. Overwork.

About 5 years into my time working at Mars Hill Church in Mobile, AL, I was becoming tired, teetering on burnout, and my fuse was getting a little short.

My wife made comments about the time I was spending at the office and how much she would love it if I were home for dinner more, wasn’t scooting out every Saturday morning to get last minute things done at the office, and didn’t spend the entire Sunday at the church.

Jack wasn’t monitoring my time. But one thing he always made clear was, your ministry is to your family first.

At the time, my wife and I had no children. We were young, in our late 20’s with little responsibility. I didn’t think it was a big deal to spend more time at the office. In fact, I figured my wife loved the extra time to herself after work.

But the overwork quickly began to change me. Not only did it start to become my identity, but it also started to become my purpose. I wasn’t good at delegation. I wasn’t good at giving credit to others. And I wasn’t good at taking a break.

The excuse for my overwork was that the church deserved it. It was my calling. My ministry. This is Jesus’ bride and I should be giving her my all. That was a giant cop-out.

The reality was, it was me. It was my pride. My selfishness. My throne.

One day Jack walked into my office to check on me. He was noticing the change in me. I assumed he was walking into my office to praise me for one of the amazing ideas I executed.

Quite the opposite. Jack gently and humbly thanked me for the work I was doing. He appreciated the commitment I had to the church and for my strong work ethic.

Then he said, We have a problem. You’re not taking your day off.

You see, everyone was expected to take Saturday off and one day during the week off. These were days to be spent with family, not at work. Our day during the week was meant for Sabbath. Refresh. The day I chose was Friday.

But I never took Friday off. Instead, I worked on Fridays. Every Friday. There was always more to do. More to plan. More to fix.

Our church is only as healthy as our leaders, Jack said. Part of being healthy is taking time to rest, pray, and enjoy being with Jesus. If you’re not taking your day off and you’re in the office 50-60 hours per week, I have to assume you’re not doing much resting.

I pushed back. Work is my rest. I can’t relax knowing there are things that need to be done. It’s all I would be able to think about.

"And that’s the problem. If it’s all you’d be able to think about, then it’s consuming you. There are always going to be things that need to be done. There are always going to be people that need you. But you’re not giving them your best if you’re not becoming your best.

I’m going to go ahead and let you know, because I care about you, your family, and our church: If you don’t start taking your weekday off immediately, along with Saturdays, I’m going to have to fire you."

That day changed my life.

I wish I could say it was a 180 turn for me. It took time. It took time to change my mindset. It took time to change my motivation. It took time to change my heart.

Today, I make controlling my time a priority. I keep a tight schedule and make sure I always block time off for rest, my family, and leisure.

I still work hard. I still love what I do. But I’ve learned to listen to my mind and my body. I’ve learned to give myself margin so I can say ‘yes’ to my family more.

I’ve learned to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen often.

My story may have turned out very different if Jack had never had the wisdom to fire me if I didn’t stop the overwork and learn to truly rest.

Jack has been teaching me the contents of this book for almost two decades. His research, stories, and advice will change your ministry; you’ll see new opportunities to make an impact in your life and in the lives of others around you.

Josh Taylor

Dedication:

This book is dedicated to all of my fellow co-laborers in the ministry of Jesus Christ… May you find encouragement in these pages, may you sense many partners in suffering and may you find a renewal in your relationship with God.

Acknowledgements:

I want to thank my wife Brandi and my three kids Collin, Caleb, and Caroline for the time and energy that they allowed me to sacrifice to make this project possible. They inspire me in so many ways that it would be impossible to mention them all.

My mom and dad, for all the years they invested in me and encouraged me to press on. I wish my mom could have lived to see the finished product of this project.

Drs. Michael Wilder, Hal Pettegrew, and Shane Parker for the influence and mentorship they provided me throughout the years.

To the staff and people of Mars Hill Church in Mobile and Fairhope, Alabama as well as those at Harbor Community Church. A true forever family that allowed me to fail and also celebrated successes with me in true family fashion.

Lastly, but not least, thanks to Len Woods for his direction, insight, and expertise in the editing process of this book… invaluable!

This project would have never made it this far without the contribution and influence of all these friends and family… Thank you!

Contents

Introduction:

Why Are So Many Pastors Running on Empty?

The Problem of Pastoral Stress & Burnout

1. All Stressed Up and Nowhere (Good) to Go

2. Why Stress Is a Big, Bad Deal

3. Does Stress Have Any Upside?

4. What’s Got You So Stressed Out?

5. It Came from Within!

6. Those Pesky People

7. Organized Religion

8. Occupational Hazards

9. Family Ties

A Plan for Pastoral Stress(so You Don’t Burnout)

10. Eliminating Unnecessary Stress

11. How ‘bout Some R & R?

12. The Power of Healthy Relationships

13. The Importance of Remembering

14. Stewarding Your One and Only Body

15. Cultivating Holy Habits

16. Protecting Your Wife and Kids

17. Advice for Young Pastors

18. Advice for Those Who Are On the Edge

Resources

Stress/Burnout Self-Assessment

Remembering What’s True:

Recommendations:

End Notes

Introduction:

Why Are So Many Pastors Running on Empty?

Meet Damian…

It’s 8 a.m. on Sunday. In the dilapidated building that once was a cafeteria, a tall African-American man is quickly putting folding chairs in rows. Meet Damian, the 29-year-old pastor of City Church, a small but growing church plant in L.A.

The two guys who volunteered to set up didn’t show up. So now Damian is doing that job . . . while trying to go over his sermon in his head . . . and texting back and forth with his wife Shondra.

Shondra is not a happy camper this morning. She’s reporting that their boys (ages 5 and 3) are being little you-know-whats and that she won’t be at church because she doesn’t want to inflict their misbehavior on the whole church.

Damian gently downplays it all. He writes, Aw baby they’re just being boys. But deep down, he knows the truth. Shondra looks for reasons to disengage. She hasn’t been on board with this whole church planting thing since the very beginning.

Some backstory: Fourteen months ago, Damian—who can be impulsive at times—abruptly left his high-paying sales job to follow what he insists was the clear call of God. Since then, Damian and Shondra have burned through their savings, because he’s only taking home about 40% of what he was making in sales. Clearly, his young church hasn’t yet gotten the hang of giving. This means things at Damian’s house are as tight financially as they are tense relationally.

Don’t get the wrong idea. Damian’s not irresponsible. And he’s not a jerk of a husband. If you met him, you’d love him. He’s a born leader. When this big 6’5" ex-defensive end walks into a room, he commands attention. Un-churched, irreligious people are drawn to him. Probably because it’s obvious he loves and accepts everybody just the way they are.

Damian’s funny, outgoing, and real—he came to faith in his early twenties after a pretty wild life. No wonder his young church already has 150-175 people showing up most Sundays.

Despite the long hours and meager pay, Damian loves what he’s doing—even the crazy and chaotic days. He’s driven to see City Church become a powerful force for God in the community. Though he has no formal training, he loves preaching. To get better he’s taking some Bible classes online.

Ask Damian what would help him, and he’d tell you better organizational skills, more sleep, and an assistant (not necessarily in that order).

Ask Shondra and she’d tell you Damian desperately needs a HUGE pay bump, the ability to say no, and an assistant (because right now, he’s pretty much a one-man show).

*****

Meet Pastor Ken…

At 1:30 on a sunny Wednesday afternoon Pastor Ken, 45, is sermon prepping or trying to. But no matter how hard he tries, he cannot keep his eyes open.

This is because he woke up—again—at 3:30 a.m. When his eyes fluttered open, his mind went from 0-60 mph in about four seconds.

Instantly he was overwhelmed by dark, troubling thoughts. Here’s a quick list of some of the uncomfortable questions that gathered in Ken’s head like a thunderstorm:

A year ago we had 425 members. Now we’re at 390. God, why are people leaving? What am I doing wrong?

What am I supposed to do about this growing worship song controversy?

And, God forbid, what if the Lambrights leave over that?

[Reader’s note: Seven or eight months back the congregation started singing some songs from Hillsong and Bethel Music. The younger families in the church have enthusiastically embraced these contemporary worship choruses. But some of the older members of the congregation are unhappy with certain lyrics (as well as the theology of the songwriters).

Robert Lambright happens to be in this older group. He’s a church board member, the outspoken CEO of a successful tech company—and he and his wife are the biggest contributors to the church. How big? Let’s just say that each year they give an amount equal to about a quarter of the annual budget.]

Should I confront Ryan—again—today?

[Reader’s note: Ryan is the popular youth pastor at St. Andrews Presbyterian. His carefree, laid-back style clashes with Ken’s intense, deliberate, organized personality. Ken thinks Ryan is passive-aggressive, sometimes openly insubordinate. He also thinks his teaching is superficial. He’d like it to be deeper. (Actually, what he’d really like, is to go back in time and never hire Ryan in the first place.)]

God, why do you seem so distant? I’m seeking you, but I can’t seem to find you. Where are you?

[Readers note: To complicate matters, Ken has been struggling spiritually for a while. Ever experience the Dark Night of the Soul? That’s where Ken finds himself. Despite faithfully engaging in spiritual practices, Ken has no sense of God’s presence in his life. It’s been this way for months. His prayers feel lifeless. He feels lifeless.

This is the cyclone of thoughts that whirled in Pastor Ken’s brain for at least 30 minutes as he lay there in the dark. Finally, he gave up and got out of bed quietly. He read his Bible, showered, and dressed. By 5:30 he was in the McDonald’s drive-thru. At 6 a.m. he was in his office at his desk.

So now at 1:30 p.m., it’s no wonder he’s sleepy! He picks up the phone, buzzes his assistant, and says, I’ll be back in 30 minutes.

Pastor Ken exits the building the back way (to avoid seeing anyone in the front office). He gets in his car and gets on the interstate. He’s going one exit west to the Starbucks on Thomas Road.

But as he nears his exit, he thinks What if I just kept driving? What if I didn’t stop till I got to the Grand Canyon? I want to go off the grid. For two months. Maybe three. I should just be like Ryan…do whatever the heck I feel like doing! I’ve been at St. Andrews 10 years. If those elders won’t give me a sabbatical, I should just go ahead and take it!

Ken comes back to reality; he can’t go AWOL. He dutifully exits, and as he does, he notices a landscape crew sprucing up the grounds of a fancy law firm. For a moment he actually feels envious of them. All they do is cut grass all day. No people hassles. No worship wars. Just mindless mowing.

As he sits in